If Pitof Directed ______-Man

[MutantCircus]

...

[That-Guy]

Okay, here's a thread where we can come up with superhero movies we can thank God that Catwoman director Pitof didn't get his hands on but if he did, they would have been a total betrayal of the character. The idea is one person posts a character, and then someone else comes up with how silly Pitof's "vision" would be for the character. For example: Pitof's "Aquaman."

Clarence Court (Martin Lawrence) is a street hustler from Aberdeen who drinks a bottle of radioactive Aquafina. This gives him the ability to transform into the Pacific Ocean. He goes up against the evil CEO of Aquafina, Ingbert Von Douchebag (Kelsey Grammar) and his evil wife, the psychotic shapeshifting alien/porn star, Bimboella (Demi Moore). There's also a steamy romance between Aquaman and a beautiful whaling ship.


Next: Pitof's "Captain America"

[That-Guy]

sorry about that...my computer froze up as I was doing this.

[MutantCircus]

this thread is screwed up in a weird way...

[shinlyle]

If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias). His arch nemesis would be an evil INS agant played by Carson Daly. Pablo Valdez gains superpowers from a drug dealing giant spider who offers him a chance to beat the INS in exchange for his soul. Pablo agrees and is given the ability to shrink down to the size of a spider!! He uses this ability to hide from the evil INS agent who has discovered that he has the power to fly around as long as he has TRL's greatest hits playing through his specially designed headphones of EVIL.
His love interest is played by the now popular again JAnet Jackson.
Spidey's costume includes a leather speedo, a leather zip-up mask with an inner gag device, and leather boots. He also shoots webbing from his dick.
How's that? Is that "Pitof" enough for you?

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by shinlyle
If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias). His arch nemesis would be an evil INS agant played by Carson Daly. Pablo Valdez gains superpowers from a drug dealing giant spider who offers him a chance to beat the INS in exchange for his soul. Pablo agrees and is given the ability to shrink down to the size of a spider!! He uses this ability to hide from the evil INS agent who has discovered that he has the power to fly around as long as he has TRL's greatest hits playing through his specially designed headphones of EVIL.
His love interest is played by the now popular again JAnet Jackson.
Spidey's costume includes a leather speedo, a leather zip-up mask with an inner gag device, and leather boots. He also shoots webbing from his dick.
How's that? Is that "Pitof" enough for you? you nailed it, man. but you forgot the nipples. the suit would include nipples.

[Ruined Angel]

Batman:

Batman would not be Bruce Wayne, he would be an ugly, spotty teenage boy named Nigel Nigelson (played by the dude who plays Fez on That 70s Show) a poor, uneducated illegal immigrant who's parents are alive and well (and happy despite living in poverty). Instead of being a straight playboy he'd be a gay ballet dancer with a frightening (but funny, gotta have some camp after all) obsession for sequines and the colour pink.

All is peachy in little Nigel's world until his beloved homosexual male ballet teacher Danse Trott (Ozzy Osbourne in a "memorable" cameo) is killed by not mobsters but jealous student Scarlett Rage (Britney Spears) who has a secret crush on Nigel who really fancies Danse. See, as a "dramatic plot twist" Nigel and Danse were having a passionate affair, never mind that Danse was old enough to be his father. Danse's death doesn't seem to affect Nigel too much but just for kicks he decides to become a vilgianti. He makes himself a Bat costume, main colours being pink and silver, stick. Seeking answers for Danse's death brave and fearless Nigel sets out for the truth...only to be totally charmed by Scarlett, realise he's straight, and elope to the nearest Little White Chapal in Vegas where they get married, live happily ever after, and Nigel hangs up the Batsuit forever.

[Aethea]

I think that the cat who kisses Patience in the movie probably barfed into her mouth, and she got the idea of making a costume suitable for prostitution and toe fetish-hungry men!

[the a1ant]

http://x3movie.net/catwoman/biofiles/PitofBio.gif

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by a1ant
http://x3movie.net/catwoman/biofiles/PitofBio.gif
hello, Mr Pitof.





Warner Bros and Pitof present...

Batman


http://www.myimgs.com/data/esjaybee/Hype/Batman-pitof.jpg



Please excuse the quality of this pic. I just did 3 minute quickie with it on Photoshop. Just wanted to give a draft-like idea of what it could be like if he made Batman. ;)

[The Batman]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[Razia]

*shudders* (@_@)

You at least coulda put a male torso on it. XD

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by Razia
*shudders* (@_@)

You at least coulda put a male torso on it. XD
but it doesn't make it as funny, Razi :p

[That-Guy]

WOW, this has been a hilarious thread so far... very creative, all of these little stories, and that photo manip is priceless. :D

Okay here we go:

Pitof's Hellboy

Rebellious teenager Jake Jocasta (Jack Osbourne) wants nothing more than to rebel against the world and be the lead singer in a British heavy metal band. But then one day he's driving along in his car and he sees another car broken down so he stops to help. He helps the stranded driver (who happens to be Satan, played by Garry Shandling) change a tire and as a reward, Satan bestows magical powers on Jake. It gives him tons of devilish abilities that he uses to offend public morals. Now, every time Jake attends a Janet Jackson concert, he can make BOTH of her breasts fly out. He can also call up Howard Stern at anytime during a broadcast and instead of getting a busy signal, Jake (Hellboy) can get through and say any crude thing he wants with out it getting bleeped out. But soon a "hell and damnation" preacher, Reverend Ezekiel Judges (Leslie Neilsen) catches onto Hellboy and tries to expose him. Also there is a cameo by Arnold Schwarzeneggar as Jesus.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by MutantCircus
...

I think this more belongs in Misc. Movie since it could deal with movie subjects other than CINO.

[Weapon_X_2]

Superman

Verne Troyer stars as Superman, whose plant was blown up and sent to earth only problem is the peole of earth r giant comapred to our hero who is only 32 inches tall but earth sun gives him the power of super speed, strangth, and ability to fly. While on earth Superman gets a job working at thr newspaper the Star, where he meets and fall in love with Lois Lane (Queen Latifh(sp)) and makes friend with ace homosexual photoagapher Jimmy Olesn(Clay Atkin) and make enemys with Lex Luther(Robin Willams).Will Superman be able to stop the evil Lex from taking over the world , will Superman be able to ride the rides at Six Flags! Find out Summer of 2006 as WB PResent Superman: Tiny Man of Tommorw!!

[DDRSkata]

Pitof Presents...

Wonder Woman

Olma Orgy (Beyonce), a porn star with idyllic dreams of being a pop star, is killed when she doesn't make it to the hospital in time to get her stomach pumped. She is revived by a magical talking dildo with a rope on the end, which tells her she's one of twelve Wonder Women. She runs out of the ambulance and cuts pieces off her stripper costume to become Wonder Woman! Turning the dildo rope into a lasso, she screws the hell out of crime!

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents....The FLASH!!!

Born into a very conservative household, young Apu (played by Leonardo Decaprio) is taught to keep quiet and mind his buisness and to NEVER reveal his bare flesh to anyone. One day, when strolling through the cemetary, he discovers a magical stone. Afraid of how much trouble it could cause if anyone found the stone, he decides to pick it up and throw it into a ssmall pond nearby. When he lifts it, he falls to the ground, in searing agony, and he feels his body begin to change, he grows breasts, his hair lengthens, and he is soon a nude woman( played by Britanny Spears), who is complelled to show everyone her nude body!! So, now, every time the sun sets, the transformation occurs, turning him into, the FLASH!!!
Not everyone is happy with this, however. A lone pimp, Captain Cold (Played by P. Diddy) has noticed a loss in his buisness, and decides to *****-slap our heroine, which is her only weakness!!!

Coming to a theater near you.... Summer 2005...

[snowball_83]

Originally posted by shinlyle
If Pitof directed Spider-man, he would be a 17 year old illiegal immigrant living in Spanish harlem(played by Enrique Iglesias).
That could be really interesting! :eek:

[Guyverjay]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
Warner Bros and Pitof present...

Batman


http://www.myimgs.com/data/esjaybee/Hype/Batman-pitof.jpg



Please excuse the quality of this pic. I just did 3 minute quickie with it on Photoshop. Just wanted to give a draft-like idea of what it could be like if he made Batman. ;)

LOL good stuff:D

[That-Guy]

Pitof's X-Men

Professor X (Halle Berry) recruits a team of superpowered circus performing midget stuntpeople to be his new crime fighting custodial staff. They are Cyclops (Halle Berry), Jean Grey (Halle Berry), Storm (Halle Berry), Rogue (Halle Berry), Wolverine (Halle Berry), Iceman (Halle Berry), Colossus (Halle Berry), and Pyro (Halle Berry). They boldly face off against the evil health insurance Provider Magneto (Halle Berry), and his team of evil customer service reps, Sabertooth (Halle Berry), Toad (Halle Berry), and Mystique (Halle Berry). They also have to deal with the evil Col. William Stryker (Halle Berry), who wants to rid the world of all midgets. Go see it.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's X-Men

Professor X (Halle Berry) recruits a team of superpowered circus performing midget stuntpeople to be his new crime fighting custodial staff. They are Cyclops (Halle Berry), Jean Grey (Halle Berry), Storm (Halle Berry), Rogue (Halle Berry), Wolverine (Halle Berry), Iceman (Halle Berry), Colossus (Halle Berry), and Pyro (Halle Berry). They boldly face off against the evil health insurance Provider Magneto (Halle Berry), and his team of evil customer service reps, Sabertooth (Halle Berry), Toad (Halle Berry), and Mystique (Halle Berry). They also have to deal with the evil Col. William Stryker (Halle Berry), who wants to rid the world of all midgets. Go see it.

LOL!! Nicely done!! Roy will be in line nevt summer waiting on it.:D

[MutantCircus]

Pitof presents... THE HULK

Bruce Banner is now Carl Carlson, a mild-mannered plumber who is working ono a dirty toilet when an unusual mixture of toxic fluids and feces splashes all over him. This makes him angry and he turns into the Hulk, a large purple woman in a pink thong and bikini top, and this beast has the uncontrollable desire to destroy the ***** of evildoers by screwing them to death, as well as having a special "plumber sense" and a plunger that is also a dildo! An evil plumbing company notices that Carl is getting more bussiness than they are, so they decide to wipe him out, as the Hulk uses her massive genitals to make them cry for mercy, while giving them the plunger dildo up the ass! Finally the Hulk battles the boss, using a unique fighting stly that includes giving blowjobs. The evil boss is soon defeated and Carl is left to search in sewers everywhere to find a cure, while meeting up with another plumber who informs him that Princess Peach has been captured once again!

[That-Guy]

[Roy] Hlle is HOt. Pittof's eX-men will ROC!!!!!1 [Roy]

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents... Martian Manhunter

Halle Berry is J'ane J'anz. In a city where there are no men of her species, she is licked on the lips by every other Martian woman on the planet, imbuing her with incredible powers, so that she may find the last Martian man, so that her people may breed and thrive!! In order to find her fellow shape shifter, she does some investigating, and discovers that her shape-shifting hunk is hiding on a Planet called Earth. Seeing as how he is immune to telepathic scans, she must take on the burden of sleeping with every man on the planet until she finds the one that completes her!!! She is... the Martian Manhunter!!!!!:eek:

[That-Guy]

LOL:D

Pitof's Namor The Sub-Mariner (in Pitof's version, it's pronounced mah-reen-er)

Namor Napes (Josh Harnett) is a gay speedo model who lives in southern california. After his boyfriend Franz (Freddie Prinze Jr.) dumps him, he becomes very depressed, locks himself inside a house for a year, and becomes morbidly obese. When he finally decides to turn his life around, he goes on the Subway diet, drops off 400 lbs. in 2 months and then he replaces Jared as the new spokesperson for subway. He even gets to wear his green speedo again. But then he begins to realize that the Poblano Turkey sub gives him the mystical power to regurgitate his food at alarming speeds. Soon his ex-lover (who is a model for Taco Bell) feels threatened by his former partner's success and tries to kill him. Chaos ensues.

[Ruined Angel]

Professor X (Halle Berry) recruits a team of superpowered circus performing midget stuntpeople to be his new crime fighting custodial staff. They are Cyclops (Halle Berry), Jean Grey (Halle Berry), Storm (Halle Berry), Rogue (Halle Berry), Wolverine (Halle Berry), Iceman (Halle Berry), Colossus (Halle Berry), and Pyro (Halle Berry). They boldly face off against the evil health insurance Provider Magneto (Halle Berry), and his team of evil customer service reps, Sabertooth (Halle Berry), Toad (Halle Berry), and Mystique (Halle Berry). They also have to deal with the evil Col. William Stryker (Halle Berry), who wants to rid the world of all midgets. Go see it.

LMFAO! Best one yet!

[That-Guy]

Thanks, Angel! :D

[Knightsaber Priss]

You know, I've already read two posts with the usage of dildos in them.

[Knightsaber Priss]

If Pitof Directed Ottoman - This is the surreal story about an Ottoman recliner that swore vengeance upon the mob after its matching footstool was destroyed when the big bad crime boss Vinny Vesota smashed it against a wall. Using a unique brand of justice, Ottoman beckons its victims to sit on it, then it smothers them with it's cushiony softness.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Godzilla2000
If Pitof Directed Ottoman - This is the surreal story about an Ottoman recliner that swore vengeance upon the mob after its matching footstool was destroyed when the big bad crime boss Vinny Vesota smashed it against a wall. Using a unique brand of justice, Ottoman beckons its victims to sit on it them it smothers them with it's cushiony softness.

Truly awesome, man.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Truly awesome, man.

Why thank you. Spider-man look out! There's a new hero in town and the name is Ottoman!

[spider ghost]

Pitof's Daredevil :

Myron worst ( Ahmed Best ) is an unfortunate rap musician from Harlem who recieved a bullet in the head during a gang attack.
He survived but brain damages let him blind.
But what he ignored was that the bullet was a magical bullet with egyptians powers that multiplyed by ten his remains senses.
Then Myron created a black costume ( similar to Halle's Catwoman costume but with horn instead of ears ! :D :D :D ) and a penis shaped Billy Club, becoming Daredevil, the man without fear who struggle against the kingpin of the pop music ( Justin Timberlake ) and his henchwoman, Bullseye ( Britney spears ).
Myron will meet the Black ( literally ) widow ( Beyonce ), a terrorist with who he will deeply fall in love ...

Daredevil will be THE success of May 2005 ! :daredevil

[spider ghost]

I absolutely LOVE the guy :

http://www.ecrannoir.fr/entrevues/images/intpitof01.jpg

http://www.nicorey.com/photos/laduboi/equipe/Pitof.jpg

http://www.zoomavant.com/dossier/01/vidocq/photos/vidocq4.jpg

Jean-Christophe Comar ( Pitof ) is THE god of the comic book movie ! ( laugh ) I can't wait to see all these fabulous superhero flicks !

:D :D :D

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by Godzilla2000
You know, I've already read two posts with the usage of dildos in them. well, with pitof's love of fetish gear, i'm not surprised.

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by MutantCircus
well, with pitof's love of fetish gear, i'm not surprised.
how do you know he's got a love for fetish gear?

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
how do you know he's got a love for fetish gear? CINO's costume. the fact that he actually thinks that suit looks good.

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by MutantCircus
CINO's costume. the fact that he actually thinks that suit looks good.
that doesn't mean he loves fetish gear. That's like saying that because I like the X-Men costumes in the Fox TAS, I love the underwear-on-the-outside look. That is, btw, not true.

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
that doesn't mean he loves fetish gear. That's like saying that because I like the X-Men costumes in the Fox TAS, I love the underwear-on-the-outside look. That is, btw, not true. but you did not actually deem the costumes as good. pitof had to say "wow, that suit looks great, let's use it in the film!"

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by MutantCircus
but you did not actually deem the costumes as good. pitof had to say "wow, that suit looks great, let's use it in the film!"
still doesn't mean he "likes fetish gear", Circus.

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
still doesn't mean he "likes fetish gear", Circus. it's an assumption put together by these two facts:

1. he likes the suit

2. the suit looks like fetish gear

besides, this whole thread is simply meant for humor. you need to lighten up.

[Garian Silver]

OMG ... Imagine what Pitof could do to "Catwoman" if he directed it ...

Oh ...

Wait ...

Damn.

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by Garian Silver
OMG ... Imagine what Pitof could do to "Catwoman" if he directed it ...

Oh ...

Wait ...

Damn.
LOL





Originally posted by MutantCircus
it's an assumption put together by these two facts:

1. he likes the suit

2. the suit looks like fetish gear

besides, this whole thread is simply meant for humor. you need to lighten up.
well I`ve have you know that I had NO idea which thread I was in! :mad:

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall

well I`ve have you know that I had NO idea which thread I was in! :mad:

LOL!!! It happens to the best of us, man.

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents... The Punisher

Born a on the rough streets of New York, prostitute, Meggan "S&M" Morgan (played by Halle Berry), struggles to pay her pimp(played by P. Diddy) his cut of the tricks she's turned. Tired of being ripped off, Meg decides to question her pimp daddy's authority. He decides to smack, not just her, but her fellow hoes as well!! Meggan, after putting on enough make-up to cover up her bruises, goes to grab her sexual arsenal of dildos, ass-plugs, and bondage gear to take out revenge on the pimp that doesn't care!! After making him know how it feels to be a woman, she decides to screw him to death!! She soon discovers she has an appetite foe deadly sex, and decides she will use it on those who don't treat their hoes with respect!! She is...The Punisher!!!

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Silver Surfer

Rip Tidalbeef (Heath Ledger) is a surfer in Sydney, Australia who gets drunk one night and fills up a wave pool with radioactive mercury. Then he tries to surf in it. The result turns him into the ultimate bohdizoppa, The Silver Surfer! He has no powers or special abilities, all he has is a surfboard and silver skin which he uses to fight of crocodiles and wild kangaroos in the Australian outback. Steve Irwin costars as the films villain, the Baby Dangler, a man who likes to pick up smal children and dangle them over flesh eating carnivorous animals. Also, Paul Hogan gets to drive through the background of one shot in a Subaru.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Silver Surfer

Rip Tidalbeef (Heath Ledger) is a surfer in Sydney, Australia who gets drunk one night and fills up a wave pool with radioactive mercury. Then he tries to surf in it. The result turns him into the ultimate bohdizoppa, The Silver Surfer! He has no powers or special abilities, all he has is a surfboard and silver skin which he uses to fight of crocodiles and wild kangaroos in the Australian outback. Steve Irwin costars as the films villain, the Baby Dangler, a man who likes to pick up smal children and dangle them over flesh eating carnivorous animals. Also, Paul Hogan gets to drive through the background of one shot in a Subaru.

LOL!!! Good one. I think you need to include a few overly used hot chicks in there like Beyonce, Brittany, Halle, Christina, or Jessica Simpson or someone. Remember, we're trying to get the twelve year old crowd too!!! Of course, I think that guys like roy and Shadow Moses have a few unresolved sexual identity issues anyways, so they might go see this movei without knowing why they feel so compelled to go see it. You've even seen how roy uses the word "gay" so hastily. I think he may be a closet-case self-loather who feels ashamed of his own sexuality. Perhaps he needs to be told that there isn't anything wrong with being different. He needs to quit running from himself.:D

[Knightsaber Priss]

If Pitof directed Godzilla - Well, the movie begins with iguanas being irradiated by nuclear tests by the French and one of them just grows to immense size. Plus this giant iguana woulds have absolutely no extraordinary powers except for the fact that people stare up at him in awe in a very Spielbergian way. Oh and ot really likes fish. In the end the military destroys its nest of eggs and because of some stupid plot contrivance they kill the beast by having it get all caught up in a bridge or something. Oh wait. Thisfilm concept was already filmed. Damn.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Sorry. This was a repost of my above post. Go about your buisness.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by CrouchingGoblin HiddenSpiderman
If Pitof directed Godzilla - Well, the movie begins with iguanas being irradiated by nuclear tests by the French and one of them just grows to immense size. Plus this giant iguana woulds have absolutely no extraordinary powers except for the fact that people stare up at him in awe in a very Spielbergian way. Oh and ot really likes fish. In the end the military destroys its nest of eggs and because of some stupid plot contrivance they kill the beast by having it get all caught up in a bridge or something. Oh wait. Thisfilm concept was already filmed. Damn.

LOL!! Very good, and very true. Pitof probably used GINO for his inspiration to do CINO!!

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Silver Surfer

Rip Tidalbeef (Heath Ledger) is a surfer in Sydney, Australia who gets drunk one night and fills up a wave pool with radioactive mercury. Then he tries to surf in it. The result turns him into the ultimate bohdizoppa, The Silver Surfer! He has no powers or special abilities, all he has is a surfboard and silver skin which he uses to fight of crocodiles and wild kangaroos in the Australian outback. Steve Irwin costars as the films villain, the Baby Dangler, a man who likes to pick up smal children and dangle them over flesh eating carnivorous animals. Also, Paul Hogan gets to drive through the background of one shot in a Subaru.

I think we have a winner! I can't wait to see the dramatic foinal battle where the Silver Surfer saves a baby being dangled by Steve Irwin near a vicious croc. Pulse Punding action that will be!

[Knightsaber Priss]

Originally posted by shinlyle
LOL!! Very good, and very true. Pitof probably used GINO for his inspiration to do CINO!!

I bet Pitof was on the phone with Dean and Emmerich getting some tips on how to take a beloved character and piss on it by throwing out the chiseled in stone canon elements.

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Fantastic Foursome

Four famous porn stars are exposed to gamma radiation and then learn they are one of 16 sets of pornoheroes. Ms. Fun-plastic (Chasey Lain) is a superhero who can make her breasts stretch to gargantuan size. Invisible Panties Girl (Jenna Jameson) has the uncanny ability to make any article of clothing that touches her skin immediately disappear. The Human Touch (Sky Lopez) frequently has abnormal hot flashes that cause her to tear the clothes off of random people in public places and have wild, freaky sex. The Thing (Ron Jeremy)... well... think about it. They go up against their archnemesis, Dr. Poon (Paris Hilton) whose ameteur porn tape has outsold all of their films put together.

[Spike_x1]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof presents... Martian Manhunter

Halle Berry is J'ane J'anz. In a city where there are no men of her species, she is licked on the lips by every other Martian woman on the planet, imbuing her with incredible powers, so that she may find the last Martian man, so that her people may breed and thrive!! In order to find her fellow shape shifter, she does some investigating, and discovers that her shape-shifting hunk is hiding on a Planet called Earth. Seeing as how he is immune to telepathic scans, she must take on the burden of sleeping with every man on the planet until she finds the one that completes her!!! She is... the Martian Manhunter!!!!!:eek: Isn't that the plot of the porno I just watched? :confused: ;)

[King Krypton]

Originally posted by Weapon_X_2
Superman

Verne Troyer stars as Superman, whose plant was blown up and sent to earth only problem is the peole of earth r giant comapred to our hero who is only 32 inches tall but earth sun gives him the power of super speed, strangth, and ability to fly. While on earth Superman gets a job working at thr newspaper the Star, where he meets and fall in love with Lois Lane (Queen Latifh(sp)) and makes friend with ace homosexual photoagapher Jimmy Olesn(Clay Atkin) and make enemys with Lex Luther(Robin Willams).Will Superman be able to stop the evil Lex from taking over the world , will Superman be able to ride the rides at Six Flags! Find out Summer of 2006 as WB PResent Superman: Tiny Man of Tommorw!!

The sad part is, Jon Peters would actually hire Pitof and use this storyline.... ;)

[King Krypton]

Jean-Christophe Comar

Jean-Christophe Comar? Jean-Christophe Comar?!?! How the heck did he come by such a stupid name like "Pitof"? What was wrong with his given name? Did he want a name that was as stupid as he is?

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by King Krypton
Jean-Christophe Comar? Jean-Christophe Comar?!?! How the heck did he come by such a stupid name like "Pitof"? What was wrong with his given name? Did he want a name that was as stupid as he is?

That seems to be the only explanation. I for onr happen to think that he didn't want his given name associated with this film, so he heard some of the people reviewing the script saying how pissed off people were going to be about htis movie, and he thought they said "pitof". And an idiot director was born...:rolleyes:

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Spike_x1
Isn't that the plot of the porno I just watched? :confused: ;)

*gasp* It might be an old Pitof film!!!! Man... how things come full circle...

[Adam West]

John Peters presents: A film by Pitof.

Green Lantern.

When an alien ship crashes to earth, Halle Jordan (played by Halle Berry) is bestowed the power of the Green Lantern, and power belly button ring. With her new found power, and green leather costume, She sets out to rid the world of evil including, but not limited to, Giant robot spiders, Male chauvanists, and the Christian coalition (who think her outfit is a little too risque, and a bad influence on little girls everywhere). When the evil Sinestro (played by Ashton Kutcher) arrives, she faces her greatest challenge: Accesorize or die! ;)

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Deathblow

Constance Cost (Charisma Carpenter) is a prostitute who gets beaten up and left for dead by the film's villain, The John (John Leguizamo). She gets revived from the dead and imbued with the power to kill men by giving them a hummer that is so good they die from happiness. She finds out that she is one of 69 Deathblows who have come from all over the globe, all decendants of Cleopatra. Also in the film is the hooker that The John trains to become Deathblow's arch nemisis, Deathanal (Anna Nicole Smith).

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Deathblow

Constance Cost (Charisma Carpenter) is a prostitute who gets beaten up and left for dead by the film's villain, The John (John Leguizamo). She gets revived from the dead and imbued with the power to kill men by giving them a hummer that is so good they die from happiness. She finds out that she is one of 69 Deathblows who have come from all over the globe, all decendants of Cleopatra. Also in the film is the hooker that The John trains to become Deathblow's arch nemisis, Deathanal (Anna Nicole Smith).

LMAO!! And don't forget the evil Madam.... Death's Head!!

[guy-spidey]

Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle. Iron Man
Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can...

:D

[Blayton]

Batman if this guy made it Bruce would be wearing a pink wrestlers mask, no shrit, and a thong.

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

That's a classic :D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

Beautiful.... simply beautiful...:)

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by guy-spidey
Pitov's Iron(ing)-man
Gus Steel, a lonely middle aged dry cleaner from Jersey City, has his Mom & Pop store bought out by McCleanee's a nationwide dry cleaning franchise.
While Gus is removing his belongings, he finds out that McCleanee's refuses to use light starch. Feeling responsible Gus dresses in 1880's wild west fashion with two iron's strapped to his side. Ironing Man rides around on a suped up ironing board vowing to battle incompetent dry cleaners and his life long nemisis Rip Van Wrinkle.

2nd thing to make me smile today. Well...actually, I laughed more. :)

[shinlyle]

How about Pitof directs...."The Losers".

A boy(roy) is a pathetic waste of space who masturbates too much. One day, while sneaking into his mom's bedroom, he sees a movie entitled, "Monster's Ball". He becomes bored to the point of turning it, until he sees a very trashy-looking actress(Halle Berry) getting screwed from behind by an old redneck actor(Billy Bob Thornton). He becomes obsessed with Halle's boobs and neglects his dating years in order to stay inside and watch the scene over and over again. One day, he hears about a new movie starring the woman who happened to be in what he calls his "first sex scene". It is a movie called "Catwoman". Using the screen name "roy", he goes online to tell everyone how "Hot" Halle is. No one listens, and he is put down time and again to the point of being called a loser.

Rediculed by his adversary, shinlyle(shinlyle), and his friends mutantcircus(mutantcircus), That_Guy(That_Guy), Ruined Angel(Ruined Angel), GOdzilla2000(CrouchingGoblinHiddenSpider-Man), and a host of others, he realizes that he will never win his battle, and returns to his room where he continues watchng his "first sex scene" over and over, until the day comes that the EVIL shinlyle and his band of "bashers" have left the internet.
They say, some days, he still srufs this sight, trying to tell everyone they should see Catwoman because "Halle is hot".

Based on a true story

[roy]

Shinlyle,

Visualize what you want. You seem very callow.

Roy

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by roy
Shinlyle,

Visualize what you want. You seem very callow.

Roy


Callow, that is a little out of your standard vernacular. You must have watched Mallrats recently. Good for you.

Now, you know you would want ot be in that movie. You never know, Maybe I can get Halle to do a cameo and you can beat off to her in person!!! Wouldn't that be your little pubescent fantasy come true?

See ya'.

"Loser", coming in theatres... I mean, to theatres on July 23rd!:p

[roy]

Proves my point...

Roy

[shinlyle]

roy drinks his own pee cuz he is a ****.:p

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
How about Pitof directs...."The Losers".

A boy(roy) is a pathetic waste of space who masturbates too much. One day, while sneaking into his mom's bedroom, he sees a movie entitled, "Monster's Ball". He becomes bored to the point of turning it, until he sees a very trashy-looking actress(Halle Berry) getting screwed from behind by an old redneck actor(Billy Bob Thornton). He becomes obsessed with Halle's boobs and neglects his dating years in order to stay inside and watch the scene over and over again. One day, he hears about a new movie starring the woman who happened to be in what he calls his "first sex scene". It is a movie called "Catwoman". Using the screen name "roy", he goes online to tell everyone how "Hot" Halle is. No one listens, and he is put down time and again to the point of being called a loser.

Rediculed by his adversary, shinlyle(shinlyle), and his friends mutantcircus(mutantcircus), That_Guy(That_Guy), Ruined Angel(Ruined Angel), GOdzilla2000(CrouchingGoblinHiddenSpider-Man), and a host of others, he realizes that he will never win his battle, and returns to his room where he continues watchng his "first sex scene" over and over, until the day comes that the EVIL shinlyle and his band of "bashers" have left the internet.
They say, some days, he still srufs this sight, trying to tell everyone they should see Catwoman because "Halle is hot".

Based on a true story

Another instant classic! :D But I gotta tell ya, shin, if this kid hangs himself I think you'll be held partially responsible!

[roy]

:confused: ok.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Another instant classic! :D But I gotta tell ya, shin, if this kid hangs himself I think you'll be held partially responsible!

How did the Joker say it?

"If you wanna make an omelet, you have to break some eggs!"

I'm not worried about it. This kid probably can't even tie a knot anyways...:rolleyes:

[That-Guy]

Okay, here ya go...

Pitof's The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Young Frodo (Seth Green) is minding his own business in the Shire when the wizard Gandalf (George Clooney) shows up and tells him he has to take an onion ring his uncle Bilbo leftover from last night's dinner out to Mordor and throw it into a chasm. Mordor is a suburb of New York, so this won't be any easy task. Luckily, Frodo takes along three of his buddies: Sam (Jason Biggs), Merry (Ben Affleck), and Pippin (the guy who plays JT on "Scrubs"). En route, they run into Aragorn (Benjamin Bratt) and his bimbo Arwen (Halle Berry), who help Frodo get away from the Nine Guys Who Dress Like the Grim Reaper. The Witch King (Freddie Prinze Jr.) is one of the Nine Guys, and when he stabs Frodo, Frodo nearly becomes One of the Nine (which would actually make them ten, but hey, who's counting?) Anyway, when they make it to Jersey they run into the Legolas and the other elves (all played by Orlando Bloom) a dwarf named Gimli (Heath Ledger) and Boromir (Usher). They form a fellowship and head towards Mordor via the George Washington Bridge. Unfortunately, evil Saruman (Tommy Lee Jones) has cast a spell and caused all of the New York traffic to be gridlocked, so they are forced to find another way. They decide to sneak through the Lincoln Tunnel because it is closed for construction. However once inside, they are confronted by homeless drug addicts and the Balrog, a 400 pound alcoholic who hasn't bathed in over 3 years. He can actually kill with his B.O., and he takes the life of Gandalf. The others escape to Lothlorien (AKA Soho) and meet up with Galadriel (Halle Berry), only to later be confronted by evil insurance salesmen who kill Boromir. After that, the group goes their separate ways: Frodo and Sam head toward Mordor via the subway, while Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli persue Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by the Bloods and are now heading toward Isengard (Brooklyn).

Coming Soon: Pitof's The Two Towers!

(someone else can continue it if they want to, or else I will when I get more time)

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Okay, here ya go...

Pitof's The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Young Frodo (Seth Green) is minding his own business in the Shire when the wizard Gandalf (George Clooney) shows up and tells him he has to take an onion ring his uncle Bilbo leftover from last night's dinner out to Mordor and throw it into a chasm. Mordor is a suburb of New York, so this won't be any easy task. Luckily, Frodo takes along three of his buddies: Sam (Jason Biggs), Merry (Ben Affleck), and Pippin (the guy who plays JT on "Scrubs"). En route, they run into Aragorn (Benjamin Bratt) and his bimbo Arwen (Halle Berry), who help Frodo get away from the Nine Guys Who Dress Like the Grim Reaper. The Witch King (Freddie Prinze Jr.) is one of the Nine Guys, and when he stabs Frodo, Frodo nearly becomes One of the Nine (which would actually make them ten, but hey, who's counting?) Anyway, when they make it to Jersey they run into the Legolas and the other elves (all played by Orlando Bloom) a dwarf named Gimli (Heath Ledger) and Boromir (Usher). They form a fellowship and head towards Mordor via the George Washington Bridge. Unfortunately, evil Saruman (Tommy Lee Jones) has cast a spell and caused all of the New York traffic to be gridlocked, so they are forced to find another way. They decide to sneak through the Lincoln Tunnel because it is closed for construction. However once inside, they are confronted by homeless drug addicts and the Balrog, a 400 pound alcoholic who hasn't bathed in over 3 years. He can actually kill with his B.O., and he takes the life of Gandalf. The others escape to Lothlorien (AKA Soho) and meet up with Galadriel (Halle Berry), only to later be confronted by evil insurance salesmen who kill Boromir. After that, the group goes their separate ways: Frodo and Sam head toward Mordor via the subway, while Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli persue Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by the Bloods and are now heading toward Isengard (Brooklyn).

Coming Soon: Pitof's The Two Towers!

(someone else can continue it if they want to, or else I will when I get more time)

HAHAH HOHO heheee.... I think you should run with this one. That was great. :D :D :D

[That-Guy]

Thanks, dude! :D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Thanks, dude! :D

Hey, man, no problem. Just don't make us wait for a year until the next one....I can't bear it. :(

[roy]

You can't bare that you are secretly gay. lol I'm too funny :)

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by roy
You can't bare that you are secretly gay. lol I'm too funny :)

You now, they say that people who immediately lash out at people they are intimidated by by attacking that person's sexuality usually have unresolved sexuality issue themselves. So I guess the quetion would be, are you secretly gay? Why do you hate the homosexual community so much. I'm not gay, but I respect their lifestyle choice, and , while I may not choose the same choice, I can still respect these people.

Let's get right to the heart of the matter: when was you first sexually abused? When was it exactly that the doggie wouldn't quit humping your leg?
Did you beg him to stop? Did he just growl and keep going?

It's Okay, roy. Let it out.

You know, every post you give is like a preview for "The Losers", by Pitof. Starring roy, and coming near a theatre near you in 2004.


























....and roy drinks his own pee....

to the point of licking the spatter off the seat. Mmmm mmmmm good. Right, roy?:D

[roy]

haha..

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by roy
haha..

I knew you'd get the joke one day.

[That-Guy]

Roy, are you related to JonPeters, or perhaps another one of his incarnations? He would post threads all the time that said nothing more than: "I rule. You suck. You must be gay. Haha I'm awesome."

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Roy, are you related to JonPeters, or perhaps another one of his incarnations? He would post threads all the time that said nothing more than: "I rule. You suck. You must be gay. Haha I'm awesome."

I have never met this JonPeters. He sounds like he may have some sexual issues of his own, too. The similarities you speak of are very obvious...:confused:

[That-Guy]

He's a real prick. Every few months he shows up with a different name on the Superman boards (usually with JP in it somewhere) and posts like 10 threads all saying thing like what I posted above. Then he'd get banned.

[shinlyle]

Man.... that sounds just like royboy over here. You'd think his blatant homophobia and passive-aggresive gay-bashing would be enough to get him kicked off. He calls everyone "gay" as an insult. You know, one time, he's going to say that to someone who is actually gay, and they are going to report him and, hopefully, that'll be the end of this stupidity.

[That-Guy]

One can hope so. That really is a stupid "insult" and if he's not careful, he will offend the wrong person sooner or later.

[roy]

hahaha...I'm the best..lol..you guys are so stupid to even reply to my comments..lol..

dumn****s

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
One can hope so. That really is a stupid "insult" and if he's not careful, he will offend the wrong person sooner or later.

I just really think he has some issues with sexual identity. He may be a victim of an abusive household. That would explain why he lashes out at everyone by labeling them homosexuals. He hates himself, and by attacking ither people as homosexuals, he attacks himself.
He is ashamed of his true self, and that's sad.:(

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents....Nightwing.

Born a millionaire, young Presence Pollen (Halle Berry) has grown up with every benefit imaginable. She soon realizes that her life of luxury has come at a price...

On her 21st birthday, at midnight, she begins to feel strange, she steps outside into the moonlight, where she is attacked and licked up and down by an enormous bat/man(Vin Diesel). She finds herself uncontrollably drawn to him/it. She then proceeds to have sex with the creature. However, when she awakes the next morning, she discovers that she is in a cave hanging upside down!!

She has grown wings, and is clothed in a scantily clad leather bra and some torn up leather pants and a pair of open-toed shoes. She falls from her perch, and when she hits the daylight again, she returns to normal. THinking it all a dream, she goes about her buisness.

That evening, as the sun sets, she begins to feel an uncontrollable urge for intercourse!! She spots a lone man on the sidewalk, and she uses her BAT-powers to seduce him. After he copulates, she finds herself transformed once again into the creature known as.... Nightwing.

She searches the world over for the Bat-man that transformed her so that she may some day lead a normal life. Until then, men of the street beware...

[That-Guy]

LOL:D good one, lyle.

Okay, here we go...

Pitof's The Two Towers


Frodo and Sam are now lost in the infinite subways that run beneath Mordhattan. They meet up with Gollum (French Stewart) who becomes their guide. Meanwhile, Aragorn and the others are chasing the band of Bloods that are headed toward Brooklyngard. Before they can reach them, however, the Bloods are thwarted by Eomer (DMX) and the noble Ruff Riders of Rohan. Merry and Pippin Escape and find themselves lost until Treebeard (a walking, talking Empire State Building) picks them up and carries them around for a while. Meanwhile Aragorn and his posse meet up with the newly invigorated Gandalf the Caucasian (now played by Justin Timberlake) and he takes them to see old King Theoden (Martin Lawrence) who is suffering from Mad Cow disease. Gandalf frees Theoden from the disease, and then they all get the hell outta dodge because the rest of the Bloods are coming for them. They flee to Helms Deep (the Chrysler Building) where they make a stand against the Bloods and barely survive. Also, Eomer's sister Eowyn (Halle Berry) falls hard for Aragorn. Meanwhile Frodo starts whining and complaining a lot because mold is starting to grow on the Onion Ring and Sam frequently beats the crap out of Gollum. Then they get captured by Boromir's brother Faramir (Jay Mohr) who holds them hostage until he realizes that his desire to eat the grotesque Onion Ring may result in salmonella poisoning.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
LOL:D good one, lyle.

Okay, here we go...

Pitof's The Two Towers


Frodo and Sam are now lost in the infinite subways that run beneath Mordhattan. They meet up with Gollum (French Stewart) who becomes their guide. Meanwhile, Aragorn and the others are chasing the band of Bloods that are headed toward Brooklyngard. Before they can reach them, however, the Bloods are thwarted by Eomer (DMX) and the noble Ruff Riders of Rohan. Merry and Pippin Escape and find themselves lost until Treebeard (a walking, talking Empire State Building) picks them up and carries them around for a while. Meanwhile Aragorn and his posse meet up with the newly invigorated Gandalf the Caucasian (now played by Justin Timberlake) and he takes them to see old King Theoden (Martin Lawrence) who is suffering from Mad Cow disease. Gandalf frees Theoden from the disease, and then they all get the hell outta dodge because the rest of the Bloods are coming for them. They flee to Helms Deep (the Chrysler Building) where they make a stand against the Bloods and barely survive. Also, Eomer's sister Eowyn (Halle Berry) falls hard for Aragorn. Meanwhile Frodo starts whining and complaining a lot because mold is starting to grow on the Onion Ring and Sam frequently beats the crap out of Gollum. Then they get captured by Boromir's brother Faramir (Jay Mohr) who holds them hostage until he realizes that his desire to eat the grotesque Onion Ring may result in salmonella poisoning.

WOW!! Such suspense!!! Such action!!! I can't wait for the third one!!! Tell me, is Mr. Pitof ever going to do a prequel?

[That-Guy]

Maybe... Pitof's Hobbit or Silmarillion? That would be REALLY scary.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Maybe... Pitof's Hobbit or Silmarillion? That would be REALLY scary.

Brrrr... yeah, it would.

Off topic, I haven't seen "American Psycho". Is it any good? I've heard some mixed reviews on it, and I wanted to see Christian Bale in something(seeing as how he's Batman). What do you think? I was planning on buying it if its pretty good.

[That-Guy]

Yeah, it's pretty good. Bale is excellent. My only complaint is that the director didn't go into enough depth at times, but for the most part it was a pretty good adaptation. But if you want somethine really f**ked up, read the book. It's the sickest, most disgusting thing I've ever read, but I loved it. I think there's stuff in there that even Jeffrey Dahmer would find repulsive.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Yeah, it's pretty good. Bale is excellent. My only complaint is that the director didn't go into enough depth at times, but for the most part it was a pretty good adaptation. But if you want somethine really f**ked up, read the book. It's the sickest, most disgusting thing I've ever read, but I loved it. I think there's stuff in there that even Jeffrey Dahmer would find repulsive.

SWEET!! Is it the same title of the movie? If so, I may have to put off reading some of my comics and pick it up.
Oh yeah, if you like the sick and twisted, try picking up "Wanted" by Mark Millar and JG Jones. Fight Club meets supervillians type stuff. Awesome comic. They are making it into a movie already. Don't worry, Universal picked it up, so no WB to ruin it!!!:D

[roy]

When did the bird go up in the air?

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof presents....Nightwing.

Born a millionaire, young Presence Pollen (Halle Berry) has grown up with every benefit imaginable. She soon realizes that her life of luxury has come at a price...

On her 21st birthday, at midnight, she begins to feel strange, she steps outside into the moonlight, where she is attacked and licked up and down by an enormous bat/man(Vin Diesel). She finds herself uncontrollably drawn to him/it. She then proceeds to have sex with the creature. However, when she awakes the next morning, she discovers that she is in a cave hanging upside down!!

She has grown wings, and is clothed in a scantily clad leather bra and some torn up leather pants and a pair of open-toed shoes. She falls from her perch, and when she hits the daylight again, she returns to normal. THinking it all a dream, she goes about her buisness.

That evening, as the sun sets, she begins to feel an uncontrollable urge for intercourse!! She spots a lone man on the sidewalk, and she uses her BAT-powers to seduce him. After he copulates, she finds herself transformed once again into the creature known as.... Nightwing.

She searches the world over for the Bat-man that transformed her so that she may some day lead a normal life. Until then, men of the street beware...
that sounds like a softcore porn that was already made a while ago...

[Webmistress]

You guys are doing wonderfully with this! I'm enjoying every single thing here, except for one. Cut out the gay thing. That is not something we want to see here, and if it does not stop voluntarily, I shall make certain it stops in other means. Admin action.

Again, other than that, keep up the good work. I especially want to see what happens in Return of the King. I have to know who plays Sauron though.....the Rock?;)

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Webmistress
You guys are doing wonderfully with this! I'm enjoying every single thing here, except for one. Cut out the gay thing. That is not something we want to see here, and if it does not stop voluntarily, I shall make certain it stops in other means. Admin action.

Again, other than that, keep up the good work. I especially want to see what happens in Return of the King. I have to know who plays Sauron though.....the Rock?;)

Thanks for the compliments, Webmistress! That_Guy and the others have really fought hard to make this thread entertaining to oldbies and newboes alike!

As far as the "gay" thing, we've all been trying to tell roy to quit using that as an insult. He doesn't realize that some people on these boards ARE gay, and that they wouldn't take very kindly to seeing it so callously used. I also don't think he realizes that people in power on these boards could ban him for it.

And, honestly, I think Vin Diesel has been cast as Sauron, but I cannot remember. Sorry:( . I'm sure That_Guy will finish his award-winning trilogy shortly, and all will be answered!!!:D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Joseph_Freefall
that sounds like a softcore porn that was already made a while ago...

So far, alot of my "Pitof Presents..." spoofs have been mistaken for a soft-core porn that has already been made. Maybe I should quit the comic thing and go into another line of work....:D

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents....Green Lantern.

A lonely widow woman(Halle Berry) named Wanda West, is sleeping with the local mayor(Jusitn Timberlake) to in order to pay her rent, and later, she is walking hom ewhen she finds a mysterious Green Lantern.
She makes it to her home, and seeing as how her power has been cut off, she lights the mystical Green Lantern. When she does, she notices that she loses control of her sexual urges!!
She begins to masturbate, until suddenly, there is a knock at her door. She opens it to see that there are over a hundred men all lined up with hundred dollar bills in their hands! She realizes that the Green Lantern, while causing her passions to become uncontrollable, causes men to pay ludicrous amounts of money to sleep with her. So, once a month, she lights the lantern, and succombs to her passions. She soon becomes addicted, and uses it every night.
Soon, an evil Pimp( Snoop Doggy Dogg) becomes aware that his hoes anin't turning the tricks they need so that he can pay his bills. After slapping his hoes around, he leans that all of the men have ben drawn to a certain apartment in the slums that is illuminated by a green light. He is also upset to learn that some of his own hoes have payed for the services of this mysterious Green Lantern hoe.
He realizes, that thanks to his color-blindednes, he is immune to her charms. He then begins to smack her around until she gives him the Lantern so that he can pimp his hoes out once again.
But his plan backfires, and he realizes that the lantern only works on the opposite sex of the one who possesses it! He then finds himself becoming the hoe!!
Now, with her archenemy consumed by his passions, and her free of hers, she goes to Hollywood to become an actress under the alias-Halle Berry.

[Marvel zombie]

Pitof presents...Man-thing!

While male model Lance Everyman( Vin Diesel) is trying out his new line of speedos in the Everglades, something goes wrong. He accidentally trips on a novelization of CINO that roy left behind! While plunging into a lake, he is attacked by magic vines that give him all of the strength and agility of.......plants. He turns into a hunk of plant-matter with phallic vines on his head. Clad with a tight fitting leather speedo, he attack random women tourists. Whenever one rejects him, he secretes a magic toxic chemical that changes their clothes, S&M style! All of a sudden, one day, a female reporter named Precious Pepper (Halle Berry) meets this kinky creature and instantly falls in love with it.

Everyone must beware, he who rejects Man-Thing, gets raped by his touch! :eek:

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Marvel zombie
Pitof presents...Man-thing!

While male model Lance Everyman( Vin Diesel) is trying out his new line of speedos in the Everglades, something goes wrong. He accidentally trips on a novelization of CINO that roy left behind! While plunging into a lake, he is attacked by magic vines that give him all of the strength and agility of.......plants. He turns into a hunk of plant-matter with phallic vines on his head. Clad with a tight fitting leather speedo, he attack random women tourists. Whenever one rejects him, he secretes a magic toxic chemical that changes their clothes, S&M style! All of a sudden, one day, a female reporter named Precious Pepper (Halle Berry) meets this kinky creature and instantly falls in love with it.

Everyone must beware, he who rejects Man-Thing, gets raped by his touch! :eek:

LMAO!! That was great!!!! And you even managed to rip Vn Diesel at the same time!!Awesome!!

[Marvel zombie]

Originally posted by shinlyle
LMAO!! That was great!!!! And you even managed to rip Vn Diesel at the same time!!Awesome!!

Thanks! :D Your Green Lantern is pretty funny too!

[ice_018]

please don´t forget to post Pitof's The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the king; it will definitely take all oscars home

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by ice_018
please don´t forget to post Pitof's The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the king; it will definitely take all oscars home

Man, we are all anxiously awaiting the conclusion to That_Guy's infamous parodic trilogy....

Trust me, he will deliver!:)

[That-Guy]

Pitof's The Return of the King

Our story opens with a little flashback to happier times in Gollum's life (when he was only known as Smeagol). He kills his buddy Deagol (Chris Kattan) because he caught Deagol playing anal ring toss with the Onion Ring. Then we go back to Frodo, who is becoming very distressed and burdened down because the Onion Ring has become so heavy with mold that Arnold Schwarzeneggar could use it for doing bicep curls. Sam and Gollum are frequently at each other's throats because Sam is getting seriously annoyed by the way the front of Gollum's loincloth flops around like a gerbil whenever Sam or Frodo mentions Galadriel. They inch their way up the secret stair into Mordhattan. En route the pass by Cirith Ungol (Yankee's Stadium) where the Witch King sends the Yankees and all of their fans out to conquer Minas Tirith (City Hall). Speaking of City Hall, Gandalf takes Pippin there after Pippin went bowling with Saruman's Palantir and got a vision of Sauron (Donald Trump) conquering the continental United States via the business world and on his own Must See TV show... hmmm. Anyway, when they get to Minas Tirith, they find Denethor (Rudy Guliani) still lingering around and saying how great things were under his rule and how he's not going to give up his post to the supposed usurper, Aragorn. Meanwhile Aragorn and Theoden are gathering up the Ruff Riders of Rohan to go take down Sauron and the Yankee Fans. But on the eve of battle, Elrond shows up and gives Aragorn the Famed Baseball Bat of Robert Redford's Character in the Movie The Natural, which was broken in two but has now been reforged. He goes on a quest to Chicago revive Shoeless Joe Jackson and the seven other White Sox who threw the World Series in the infamous "Black Sox" scandal of 1919. Then they head on over to Minas Tirith to challenge the Yankees to a Baseball Game that will determine the fate of Middle Atlantic America. Meanwhile, Gollum gets Frodo to turn on Sam because he convinces him that Sam stole Frodo's chalupa while his back was turned (in truth, no one stole it... Frodo just didn't remember eating it because he was stoned out of his mind). So Frodo sends Sam away, and Gollum leads him into Shelob's Lair, a nightclub in downtown New York City that's owned by Tobey Maguire, and thus has sort of a Spider-Man theme to it. Frodo gets knocked out could by the huge bouncer at the club, but is rescued by Sam who turned around and followed Frodo after he realized Frodo owed him a pack of smokes. Then they head toward Trump Tower. In the meantime, the Yankees get their asses handed to them by the combined power of the Ruff Riders and the Black Sox, and Denethor sets himself on fire because he can't reach a wood tick that his imbedded itself in the skin on his back. Also, Eowyn was supposed to have a battle with the Witch King, but that was editted out in favor of a catfight between her and Arwen over who gets to get banged by Aragorn. The fight is on the battlefield, thus it results in a lot of mud wrestling and ripping-off of clothing. After the Battle of Baseball Fields is over, the remainder of Aragorn's army decides to march over to Trump Tower to draw out Sauron's army. In a scene that won't make the final cut, The Mouth of Sauron rides out to greet them and explains that he earned the rank of lieutenant by winning Sauron's "The Apprentice" competition. Then another game of baseball ensues, but things look grim for our heroes. Luckily, Frodo and Sam are nearing the end of their journey. Frodo considers throwing the Onion Ring into the Cracks of Doom (Rosie O' Donnel's wrinkled face) but decided that he's rather just eat it instead. Fortunately, it's so moldy that he hurls all over the place and the Ring falls into a crack, with Gollum following it as a chaser. Finally, after Aragorn gets crowned as the new Mayor, Frodo and the other hobbits go home for a while, but eventually Frodo leaves to go to the Grey Havens, a rest home southern Wisconsin.

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents.... Deathstroke: the Sperminator.

A lonely little 12 year-old boy from nowhere, roy(played by Michaulie Caulkin) lives with his mother in a small trailer park near the outskirts. He has nothing and no one to comfort him except for his right hand and an internet connection.

Constantly hounded by his poor disabled mother, roy masturbates constantly because his own obesity prevents him from leaving the trailer. One day, as roy posts on a website declaring his superiority over people who do nothing but belittle him, roy asks his pagan goddess, Halle-Cat, for the power to strike down his nemesis, SHINLYLE(Brad Pitt;). Hearing her lone follower's prayer, halle agrees to inflict pain upon the evil one known as Shinlyle every time roy makes a sacrifice of his semen in her honor. roy, knowing nothing about comics, copyright infringement, or the fact that Halle Berry is not a goddess, believes the lie, and begins calling himself DEATHSTROKE, THE SPERMINATOR.
Angered by hisinsolence, the WB sue roy for the illegal usage of a character owned and proprieted by Time-Warner Inc. roy and his mother are then forced to live on the streets, where roy must dress in a Catwoman costume and turn tricks for rich old men with bum tickers, in the small hope that one day, he can stop drinking his own pee, and finally overcome the one known only as.... SHINLYLE.

Months later, after gaining some wealth thanks to a pending lawsuit against the estate of Micheal Jackson on abuse charges, roy, strolls down the street, only yo see that his heart-wrenching story has been made in to a movie by the WB entitled DEATHSTROKE, THE SPERMINATOR. He realizes that he will always be on the recieving end of the stick, and returns home, where he is caught once again by his mother.... drinking his own pee.

Cumming October 2005.:p :p :p

[That-Guy]

Hope you guys liked it! :D

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof presents.... Deathstroke: the Sperminator.

A lonely little 12 year-old boy from nowhere, roy(played by Michaulie Caulkin) lives with his mother in a small trailer park near the outskirts. He has nothing and no one to comfort him except for his right hand and an internet connection.

Constantly hounded by his poor disabled mother, roy masturbates constantly because his own obesity prevents him from leaving the trailer. One day, as roy posts on a website declaring his superiority over people who do nothing but belittle him, roy asks his pagan goddess, Halle-Cat, for the power to strike down his nemesis, SHINLYLE(Brad Pitt;). Hearing her lone follower's prayer, halle agrees to inflict pain upon the evil one known as Shinlyle every time roy makes a sacrifice of his semen in her honor. roy, knowing nothing about comics, copyright infringement, or the fact that Halle Berry is not a goddess, believes the lie, and begins calling himself DEATHSTROKE, THE SPERMINATOR.
Angered by hisinsolence, the WB sue roy for the illegal usage of a character owned and proprieted by Time-Warner Inc. roy and his mother are then forced to live on the streets, where roy must dress in a Catwoman costume and turn tricks for rich old men with bum tickers, in the small hope that one day, he can stop drinking his own pee, and finally overcome the one known only as.... SHINLYLE.

Months later, after gaining some wealth thanks to a pending lawsuit against the estate of Micheal Jackson on abuse charges, roy, strolls down the street, only yo see that his heart-wrenching story has been made in to a movie by the WB entitled DEATHSTROKE, THE SPERMINATOR. He realizes that he will always be on the recieving end of the stick, and returns home, where he is caught once again by his mother.... drinking his own pee.

Cumming October 2005.:p :p :p


LMAO!!!!:D :D :D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's The Return of the King

Our story opens with a little flashback to happier times in Gollum's life (when he was only known as Smeagol). He kills his buddy Deagol (Chris Kattan) because he caught Deagol playing anal ring toss with the Onion Ring. Then we go back to Frodo, who is becoming very distressed and burdened down because the Onion Ring has become so heavy with mold that Arnold Schwarzeneggar could use it for doing bicep curls. Sam and Gollum are frequently at each other's throats because Sam is getting seriously annoyed by the way the front of Gollum's loincloth flops around like a gerbil whenever Sam or Frodo mentions Galadriel. They inch their way up the secret stair into Mordhattan. En route the pass by Cirith Ungol (Yankee's Stadium) where the Witch King sends the Yankees and all of their fans out to conquer Minas Tirith (City Hall). Speaking of City Hall, Gandalf takes Pippin there after Pippin went bowling with Saruman's Palantir and got a vision of Sauron (Donald Trump) conquering the continental United States via the business world and on his own Must See TV show... hmmm. Anyway, when they get to Minas Tirith, they find Denethor (Rudy Guliani) still lingering around and saying how great things were under his rule and how he's not going to give up his post to the supposed usurper, Aragorn. Meanwhile Aragorn and Theoden are gathering up the Ruff Riders of Rohan to go take down Sauron and the Yankee Fans. But on the eve of battle, Elrond shows up and gives Aragorn the Famed Baseball Bat of Robert Redford's Character in the Movie The Natural, which was broken in two but has now been reforged. He goes on a quest to Chicago revive Shoeless Joe Jackson and the seven other White Sox who threw the World Series in the infamous "Black Sox" scandal of 1919. Then they head on over to Minas Tirith to challenge the Yankees to a Baseball Game that will determine the fate of Middle Atlantic America. Meanwhile, Gollum gets Frodo to turn on Sam because he convinces him that Sam stole Frodo's chalupa while his back was turned (in truth, no one stole it... Frodo just didn't remember eating it because he was stoned out of his mind). So Frodo sends Sam away, and Gollum leads him into Shelob's Lair, a nightclub in downtown New York City that's owned by Tobey Maguire, and thus has sort of a Spider-Man theme to it. Frodo gets knocked out could by the huge bouncer at the club, but is rescued by Sam who turned around and followed Frodo after he realized Frodo owed him a pack of smokes. Then they head toward Trump Tower. In the meantime, the Yankees get their asses handed to them by the combined power of the Ruff Riders and the Black Sox, and Denethor sets himself on fire because he can't reach a wood tick that his imbedded itself in the skin on his back. Also, Eowyn was supposed to have a battle with the Witch King, but that was editted out in favor of a catfight between her and Arwen over who gets to get banged by Aragorn. The fight is on the battlefield, thus it results in a lot of mud wrestling and ripping-off of clothing. After the Battle of Baseball Fields is over, the remainder of Aragorn's army decides to march over to Trump Tower to draw out Sauron's army. In a scene that won't make the final cut, The Mouth of Sauron rides out to greet them and explains that he earned the rank of lieutenant by winning Sauron's "The Apprentice" competition. Then another game of baseball ensues, but things look grim for our heroes. Luckily, Frodo and Sam are nearing the end of their journey. Frodo considers throwing the Onion Ring into the Cracks of Doom (Rosie O' Donnel's wrinkled face) but decided that he's rather just eat it instead. Fortunately, it's so moldy that he hurls all over the place and the Ring falls into a crack, with Gollum following it as a chaser. Finally, after Aragorn gets crowned as the new Mayor, Frodo and the other hobbits go home for a while, but eventually Frodo leaves to go to the Grey Havens, a rest home southern Wisconsin.


*sniffsniff*... Beautiful. You do almost pity gollum towards the end. And the catfight was just beautiful....

I give you eleven make believe oscars for best parody to be on the CINO boards. May God bless you the rest of your days...:)

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
LMAO!!!!:D :D :D

Thank you. I was going to say it was based on a true story, but then I'd have to have proof that he drinks his own pee. And we all know he leaves no drop behind...:D

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
*sniffsniff*... Beautiful. You do almost pity gollum towards the end. And the catfight was just beautiful....

I give you eleven make believe oscars for best parody to be on the CINO boards. May God bless you the rest of your days...:)

I'd like to thank the Academy, all my fellow posters on the Catwoman and Batman boards, and finally, Warner Brothers for desecrating the comic book movie genre to a level so low that not even Satan himself could sink to it. :D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
I'd like to thank the Academy, all my fellow posters on the Catwoman and Batman boards, and finally, Warner Brothers for desecrating the comic book movie genre to a level so low that not even Satan himself could sink to it. :D


*gratuitous applause* *standing ovation*

Well, there you have it, That_Guy has given his acceptance speech, and now, with rumors of him doing a remake of the classic KING KONG, it seems there is no end to what this young director is capable of. We look forward to his works in the future. Here's roy with the weather....

[That-Guy]

bumpo

[shinlyle]

Am I the only one who thinks that this is the most civil, and best thread on these boards?

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Am I the only one who thinks that this is the most civil, and best thread on these boards? Sadly enough. :(

[shinlyle]

It's really sad, because this is one of the only threads on here that doesn't have roy trolling it up every five or ten posts. That, and its actually pretty fun.

I encourage everyone to try it. You don't even have to think of another hero to do! If you want to do a hero that has already been done by someone else, then go ahead! Your version might be better.

[That-Guy]

I like this thread because it gives people a chance to be creative. Nothing bores me more than a thread that states one thing, like a statement about a new actor that's been cast in a movie, and then its followed by 1,400 posts that say nothing more than "Yeah! That rocks!" or "That totally sucks!"

[shinlyle]

That's what I'm saying. And now, with most of the people realizing that this movie will be nothing more than a catastrophe, we need a board where we have a little spice and a little fun!

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Luke Cage

Born into a quiet white suburban family nestled in a quiet sub-division, young Byrnice Waters(played by Halle Berry) dreams of a life where he can shine on as who he truly is... a cross-dresser.

At night, while her clueless family thinks that she is upstairs studying up for school, Byrnice dons some shoulder pads, a flannel shirt, and a pair of Doc Martens and becomes... Luke Cage.
In her new guise, Byrnice looks for the companionship that only another woman can bring. She begins hitting the bars, and having sex with multiple women before realizing that she should accept who she is, not run from it. As she continues to have steamy sex scene after steamy sex scene with these women, the men become lealous, and have the EVIL men who have had their partners stolen from them by this cross-dresser.
soon, Byrnice realizes that she has become every man's fantasy, and decides to make a living by doing hard-core porn.

In an interview, Halle had this to say about the part: "I think Byrnice is a definite woman of the twenty-first ccentury, and someone that a young woman can look up to. This isn't the Luke Cage from the comics, this is our own Luke Cage. He's a she now, and I don't see any problem with that."

Luke Cage. A Pitof film. Coming 2005 to a porno store near you.:eek:

[shinlyle]

And, on sad note, roy was banned today. :(

Don't everyone cry at once...;)

Okay,

Pitof presents... The Joker

A happy comedian starring in his very own sit-com, Ray Romano(played by himself), is a happy family man with little to worry about. That is until one day, A Frenchman by the name of Pitof, enters his studio, and takes over as director.
It is a dark time for "Everybody Loves Raymond", as Mr. Roman and his cast are outfitted with new, skantily clad S&M oufits. Ray's brother is renamed "the Gimp", Ray's Dad is now an evil oppressive man, and Ray's mother is now an invisible spirit which guides Raymond, whose name has been changed to Luther. Ray's wife, now an angry prostitute with crabs, lashes out at Raymond, knocking him into a pile of Pitof's unfinished scripts!

Raymond emerges with an insane grin that shows from underneath his zipper-mouthed mask. He is now an incredibly insane lunatic who haunts the studios waiting for his monent to kill that devil, Pitof!

Coming 2005...

[Razia]

Originally posted by shinlyle
And, on sad note, roy was banned today. :( Yah, and my faith in the mods is restored ^.^

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Razia
Yah, and my faith in the mods is restored ^.^
roy is gone, you say?
ding
dong
the witch is dead...:D

[Marvel zombie]

Pitof presents....BLADE!

Mild mannered office worker during day, prostituting to vampires at night. Dominique Smith, AKA Blade, ( Halle Berry) was born part vampire when her mom was raped by several of them. Angry at how much she thirsts for blood ( and other bodily fluids :eek: ), she attacks what made her this way. She finds random vampire and offers them sex. Once she lures them back to her apartment, she brutally kills them with a sword to the rectum! Upon hearing about her, many vampires name her "skank walker". A male vampire named Erectus devises a plan. They plan to lure and trap Blade into having an orgy...OF DEATH! Will Blade fall for the trap? How many casualties will there be? How many times will roy see it?

FIND OUT NEXT SUMMER, located at a smut shop near you!

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Moon Knight

David Davis Davido (Jack Black) had recently been released from a two year strech for exposing himself in public. He knows that he has a problem and it will ony be a short time until he finds himself back in a prison cell again for whipping something out. So he decides that they only way for him to keep up with his habit and not get thrown in jail is to fight crime while exposing himself. Thus he becomes the Moon Knight, the first crimefighter to moon people after he beats the crap out of them. But soon, a villain arises: the evil Censor (Will Ferrel), a right-wing religious nut who wants to put a stop to all things indecent. Luckily, Moon Knight has the aid of Nippleblade (Janet Jackson), a mercenary with one deadly breast.

[MutantCircus]

Originally posted by Razia
Yah, and my faith in the mods is restored ^.^ yeah, i reported him to superherohype (the mod) and he heard our cries!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Moon Knight

David Davis Davido (Jack Black) had recently been released from a two year strech for exposing himself in public. He knows that he has a problem and it will ony be a short time until he finds himself back in a prison cell again for whipping something out. So he decides that they only way for him to keep up with his habit and not get thrown in jail is to fight crime while exposing himself. Thus he becomes the Moon Knight, the first crimefighter to moon people after he beats the crap out of them. But soon, a villain arises: the evil Censor (Will Ferrel), a right-wing religious nut who wants to put a stop to all things indecent. Luckily, Moon Knight has the aid of Nippleblade (Janet Jackson), a mercenary with one deadly breast.

HeeHee... Aw, man, that was good.:D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Marvel zombie
Pitof presents....BLADE!

Mild mannered office worker during day, prostituting to vampires at night. Dominique Smith, AKA Blade, ( Halle Berry) was born part vampire when her mom was raped by several of them. Angry at how much she thirsts for blood ( and other bodily fluids :eek: ), she attacks what made her this way. She finds random vampire and offers them sex. Once she lures them back to her apartment, she brutally kills them with a sword to the rectum! Upon hearing about her, many vampires name her "skank walker". A male vampire named Erectus devises a plan. They plan to lure and trap Blade into having an orgy...OF DEATH! Will Blade fall for the trap? How many casualties will there be? How many times will roy see it?

FIND OUT NEXT SUMMER, located at a smut shop near you!

Good one. I think roy will have it back-ordered and sit in front of his tv with a tube sock for a week.:eek:

Anyways, have you guys noticed that we make every "Pitof Presents" film sound like a porno just by making it more like CIno? Isn't that strange?;)

[Weapon_X_2]

FPitof presents The Fantastic Four

Tells the story of 4 untanlted wannabe singers who won a contest to be An American Idol, but unknown to them while performing for the judges of the show they where bombarded with Crappy Ray’s from the stage lights giving them each super powers. Scratchy Voice Girl (Kelly Clarkson) with the ability to make her voice sound Scratchy all the time, The Flamer (Clay Atkin) with the ability to flame on in a in second, Sweaty (Ruben Studdard) with the ability to sweat uncontrollably for hours and Vanishing Man(Justin Guarini) with the ability to vanish an from the public eye. Together they are The Fantastic Four, fighting to clean up the pop industry from the likes of Brittany Spheres whose magic chest and dance hypnotize men every where (Does not work on The Flamer) in to doing her bidding, Nsuck whose put out polluted merchandise to take money from the pre-pubescent girls of the world, Christiana Whorealiara who spreads deadly biologically diseases every where she goes. With FF own brand of justice they set out to change the world to make it a better place or do they? ?????

Find out in The Fantastic Four Coming Soon!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Weapon_X_2
FPitof presents The Fantastic Four

Tells the story of 4 untanlted wannabe singers who won a contest to be An American Idol, but unknown to them while performing for the judges of the show they where bombarded with Crappy Ray’s from the stage lights giving them each super powers. Scratchy Voice Girl (Kelly Clarkson) with the ability to make her voice sound Scratchy all the time, The Flamer (Clay Atkin) with the ability to flame on in a in second, Sweaty (Ruben Studdard) with the ability to sweat uncontrollably for hours and Vanishing Man(Justin Guarini) with the ability to vanish an from the public eye. Together they are The Fantastic Four, fighting to clean up the pop industry from the likes of Brittany Spheres whose magic chest and dance hypnotize men every where (Does not work on The Flamer) in to doing her bidding, Nsuck whose put out polluted merchandise to take money from the pre-pubescent girls of the world, Christiana Whorealiara who spreads deadly biologically diseases every where she goes. With FF own brand of justice they set out to change the world to make it a better place or do they? ?????

Find out in The Fantastic Four Coming Soon!

HAHAHAHAA!!!! Great one! Anytime someone can make fun of pop stars, I'm happy!:D

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by Weapon_X_2
FPitof presents The Fantastic Four

Tells the story of 4 untanlted wannabe singers who won a contest to be An American Idol, but unknown to them while performing for the judges of the show they where bombarded with Crappy Ray’s from the stage lights giving them each super powers. Scratchy Voice Girl (Kelly Clarkson) with the ability to make her voice sound Scratchy all the time, The Flamer (Clay Atkin) with the ability to flame on in a in second, Sweaty (Ruben Studdard) with the ability to sweat uncontrollably for hours and Vanishing Man(Justin Guarini) with the ability to vanish an from the public eye. Together they are The Fantastic Four, fighting to clean up the pop industry from the likes of Brittany Spheres whose magic chest and dance hypnotize men every where (Does not work on The Flamer) in to doing her bidding, Nsuck whose put out polluted merchandise to take money from the pre-pubescent girls of the world, Christiana Whorealiara who spreads deadly biologically diseases every where she goes. With FF own brand of justice they set out to change the world to make it a better place or do they? ?????

Find out in The Fantastic Four Coming Soon!
HAHAHA!! Brilliant! :up:

[That-Guy]

Pitof's The Green Hornet

Arrogance Alimony (Halle Berry) has recently quit her job working for an evil beekeeper Vincent Vernon Viscious (Sylvester Stallone) who has been embezzling money and experimenting on bees. While she is relaxing at home that evening, she is suddenly attacked by vicious, green killer bees. They leave her for dead, but little do the bees know that the experiments Viscious has performed on them have rendered them radioactive and now Arrogance has gained the power of a green bee! As the Green Hornet, she grows wings and flies around extracting pollen from flowers, and even makes honey! But most importantly, she finds that she has become the ultimate queen bee and now all the bees in the world worship her, so she gives in to her long time urge and has sex with 150,000,000 bees who nickname her the "Green Whore-net." Soon she sets out to get her revenge on Vicious and his sexy wife Viola (Demi Moore) who is just thrown in for a catfight! Get Green Horney this summer!

[TheCatmanEscape]

Pitof's Lady DeathStryke

On day a long time ago a queen named Marie Fox (Halle Berry) was walking past the forest. When she sees her drama teacher (Pitof) being murdered by Timer (Traci Lords). Marie cuts down some trees and has Merlin put them in her hands. Now she is ready to enter the time portal the The Timer has left behind. The Timer kills her prey by poking people with male body parts (you get the idea) that she has killed. When Marie gets poked with a part she becomes 1 of the many Ladies Of Death. She takes the disguise of Lady Deathstrike. Cuming into Pitof butt when Pitof is off drugs.

ldino no way relates to the real Lady Deathstrike.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's The Green Hornet

Arrogance Alimony (Halle Berry) has recently quit her job working for an evil beekeeper Vincent Vernon Viscious (Sylvester Stallone) who has been embezzling money and experimenting on bees. While she is relaxing at home that evening, she is suddenly attacked by vicious, green killer bees. They leave her for dead, but little do the bees know that the experiments Viscious has performed on them have rendered them radioactive and now Arrogance has gained the power of a green bee! As the Green Hornet, she grows wings and flies around extracting pollen from flowers, and even makes honey! But most importantly, she finds that she has become the ultimate queen bee and now all the bees in the world worship her, so she gives in to her long time urge and has sex with 150,000,000 bees who nickname her the "Green Whore-net." Soon she sets out to get her revenge on Vicious and his sexy wife Viola (Demi Moore) who is just thrown in for a catfight! Get Green Horney this summer!

HAHAHAHA... "Green Whore-net" HAhahahhhahaaaa
Classic.:D

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Superman

Evan Essence (Vin Diesel) is a grocery store cashier who is really lousy at his job. He frequently short changes customers because he never learned how to count, read, or write. But then one day, the Reading Rainbow Guy (Levar Burton) shows up and after 6 long years, finally teaches him these things. He goes back to his cashier job and soon gets promoted to customer service manager. Soon Evan learns from a wandering hobo/prophet (Nick Nolte) that he is the last of seven "Supermarketmen" or simply, he is now "Superman." But soon an evil franchise grocer moves in across the street from Evan's humble grocery store. It's run by the maniacal Devon Diabolical (George Hamilton), a crazed grocery store manager with the power to make you believe his prices are the best.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Superman

Evan Essence (Vin Diesel) is a grocery store cashier who is really lousy at his job. He frequently short changes customers because he never learned how to count, read, or write. But then one day, the Reading Rainbow Guy (Levar Burton) shows up and after 6 long years, finally teaches him these things. He goes back to his cashier job and soon gets promoted to customer service manager. Soon Evan learns from a wandering hobo/prophet (Nick Nolte) that he is the last of seven "Supermarketmen" or simply, he is now "Superman." But soon an evil franchise grocer moves in across the street from Evan's humble grocery store. It's run by the maniacal Devon Diabolical (George Hamilton), a crazed grocery store manager with the power to make you believe his prices are the best.

LOL!!Nice. I used to work at a grocery store, so that is so funny to me.

[That-Guy]

Yeah, so did I. Man did that job suck.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Yeah, so did I. Man did that job suck.

"Clerks" became scripture after working at that job. I realized how true to life it was after one week working there. It was just creepy...

[That-Guy]

Yeah, my job was really bad. We had this ass hole manager named Terry who had a permed mullet. It looked like he had a big ball of pubic hair growing out of his head.

[shinlyle]

Yikes. On that note....

Pitof Presents... Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back(Monster's Ball

Young Jackie(jay) Juggs(Halle Berry) is once single mother who is trying to raise her obese son without the help of her death row inmate husband (P. Diddy). Her Baby's Daddy is fried, and she is left a little angry about the situation. One noght , for no reason, her son is hit by a car as they walk along side of the road.

Billy Bob(Billy Bob Thornton) has gone back to being a Death row guard who helps provide for the inmates on their last day of their life. His dad is an incredibly bad racist. His son works with him very poorly. One day, Bob fries Jay's husband.

One day, Jackie goes to Bob's house and they have sex. Dirty sex. Mainly with her on top, of with Billy Bob smacking it form behind. Bob doesn't say a word, but Jay continnues to scream and yell and say things like "make me feel good". This scene makes up the rest of the movie.

This movie will win an award for "Best sex scene without an NC-17 rating.

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Yikes. On that note....

Pitof Presents... Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back(Monster's Ball

Young Jackie(jay) Juggs(Halle Berry) is once single mother who is trying to raise her obese son without the help of her death row inmate husband (P. Diddy). Her Baby's Daddy is fried, and she is left a little angry about the situation. One noght , for no reason, her son is hit by a car as they walk along side of the road.

Billy Bob(Billy Bob Thornton) has gone back to being a Death row guard who helps provide for the inmates on their last day of their life. His dad is an incredibly bad racist. His son works with him very poorly. One day, Bob fries Jay's husband.

One day, Jackie goes to Bob's house and they have sex. Dirty sex. Mainly with her on top, of with Billy Bob smacking it form behind. Bob doesn't say a word, but Jay continnues to scream and yell and say things like "make me feel good". This scene makes up the rest of the movie.

This movie will win an award for "Best sex scene without an NC-17 rating.

LOL :D I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that movie (or rather, Halle's performance in it) was seriously overrated.

[That-Guy]

bump

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
LOL :D I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that movie (or rather, Halle's performance in it) was seriously overrated.

Are you kidding, man? I thought the whole damned movie was honestly kind of boring. I mean, aside from the sex scene, this movie was like a two hour long "Lifetime" movie. And I HATE "Lifetime" movies. The men in it were pigs while the Mom was this poor little victim when she was CLEARLY a beeyach to her kid, and gave him NO support after his father was fried.

Screw that overrated boring excuse for a movie. Ugh.

[That-Guy]

bump

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Supergirl.

Candy Camelot(Hillary Duff) is a conflicted young lady who suffers from chronic amnesia. She retains her memory every day until she falls asleep, and then she must discover who she is all over again.

Covering her body in post-it notes everynight, she is very cautious to leave a reminder on everything she comes in contact with to remind her who she is and what she has to do. One day, a man over hears her telling her friend that she has grown tired of her condition, and wishes that someone would end it all for her.
This man is none other than Renauldo Reddings (Carson Daly), a director in the adult film industry who specializes in snuff films. He follows her back to her place, where he waits for her to fall asleep, and then uses chloroform to ensure that she doesn't wake. He leaves notes everywhere telling her that she is Supergirl, a woman that must please every man on the planet before evil landlords come to kill her for not paying the rent! She is brought to an abandoned island so that the filming can go on without interruption from the authorities.
As she begins sexxing up all the men on this abandoned island, the landlords are closing in on her. She slowly begins to take them out by screwing them to death untilone of the weaker ones finally let's her know that she has been taken advantage of. She wonders how long this has been going on and who was responsible. She begins to hunt for Renauldo, who has long since left the island and had made a wealthy profit from Candy's expoits.
Candy learns that she has been doing every man on this island for almost ten years, and that she has no way to stop, because this is what she believes everymorning when she wakes up on this island. She goes to kill herself by leaping from a cliff, but the fall only renders her unconscious, and the journey begins again.

Perhaps someday, she will free herself from the clutches of the prison created for her, but until then, she survives by her wits and her tits.
She is...Supergirl.

[That-Guy]

LOL:D That was great!!!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
LOL:D That was great!!!

Thanks, man!

What the Hell happened in here yesterday?! I don't post for a day and roy comes back?! Why in the hell did the mods let him back on?! Argh.

Anyways, I think this is the longest running thread in this forum so far! It's definitely the best one on here. i just wish more people would chime in.
Ah, screw 'em! If they don't wanna post here, we'll just keep it alive.

[That-Guy]

Yeah... were you here for the "9 lives" fiasco? That was a pain in the ass. And yeah I saw that Roy came back. Ugh.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Yeah... were you here for the "9 lives" fiasco? That was a pain in the ass. And yeah I saw that Roy came back. Ugh.

Yeah, man, I saw that. I thought it was a genuinely funny thread! I think that A1ant may have reacted a little harshly on this occasion.
I finally got to use my "Upside down from a basketball goal while menstrating thing," and it get's closed. Ugh.:rolleyes:

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents....The Teen Titans!!!

roy and spiderfreddie are two teenagers with no lives. They live in their mom's houses and watch Halle Berry and Chris O'Donnell movies together all the time. One day,they learn that there is going to be a Catwoman movie made starring Halle Berry and a Batman movie that Lacks Chris O'Donnel as Robin.
One overjoyed, and one angry, they terrorize internet message boards until the MODS step in. seperately, they try to go at it despite the mods, but they are both banned in retaliation for their actions.
Roy makes a comeback, and eagerly waits the day when spiderfreddie, the only one as stupid as him returns, so that they can finally rid the 'net of "Hatas" like SHINLYLE and THAT_GUY.

They wait still.....

(A small shout out to the mods....Thanks, guys!!:D )

[That-Guy]

:D LOL. Roy's a douche, and spiderfreddie is beyond human comprehension, but truth be told, I'm really not a fan of anyone getting banned unless they make up multiple threads that have nothing to do with the forum topic, or if they just constantly put up threads about how much they think a character sucks (not just a movie about a character, but the character in general, like the trolling that goes on between the Batman and Spider-Man boards).

[shinlyle]

I'm just not a fan of inane posts that have no intelligent basis. Roy and spiderfreddie each strike me as a spoiled twelve year old kid and a trailer trash 10 year old, respectively.
I was kind of getting used to coming to these boards and watching civil conveersations(for the most part). I really hope roy gets banned again. That would be too funny. One more "gay" remark, and I'm sure he'll be sent packing.:D

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Wonder Girl

Shauna Shebangs (Ali Larter) is a cheerleading bimbo who takes up anorexia to ensure that the high school quarterback Jack N. Diane (Freddie Prinze Jr.) will sleep with her. He does sleep with her, but then turns around and bangs her best friend Daisy Debtcollector (Amy Smart). So Shauna switches from anorexia to bulemia and goes on a huge binge. Her favorite food happens to be Wonderbread, so she eats 7 loaves of it. But later when she is throwing it up, she is shocked to find that her vomit glows and it discinigrates her toilet. Realizing that eating 7 loaves of magical Wonderbread has made her one of 7 super-powered Wonderpeople, she goes out to wreak havoc on her tormentors.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Pitof's Wonder Girl

Shauna Shebangs (Ali Larter) is a cheerleading bimbo who takes up anorexia to ensure that the high school quarterback Jack N. Diane (Freddie Prinze Jr.) will sleep with her. He does sleep with her, but then turns around and bangs her best friend Daisy Debtcollector (Amy Smart). So Shauna switches from anorexia to bulemia and goes on a huge binge. Her favorite food happens to be Wonderbread, so she eats 7 loaves of it. But later when she is throwing it up, she is shocked to find that her vomit glows and it discinigrates her toilet. Realizing that eating 7 loaves of magical Wonderbread has made her one of 7 super-powered Wonderpeople, she goes out to wreak havoc on her tormentors.

LOL!! I doubt anyone will catch the John Mellancamp reference, though.:(

"Little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane"...

[That-Guy]

haha, yeah, it's before the time of the majority of 10 year olds who post on this board (ROY) but I figured you'd catch that!

[DDRSkata]

I caught it. :)

[shinlyle]

Man, I grew up on that stuff!

Here's another one.

Pitof Presents....The Banshee.

Sydney Siren(Mariah Carrey) is a modest young twelve year old girl who follows the music industry very closely and notices that sissy pop music is steadily taking over. She begins to practice shattering glass with her supesonic vocals. IN vain, she repeatedly attempts it again and again until one day, on her sixteenth b-day, she decides to have sex for the first time with a tall buff college student with commitment issues. She realizes that her first time should be with someone who means nothing to her so that there is no attachment. After the pain of having her hymen broken subsides, she begins feeling good, and begins to orgasm. Suddenl, in the climax of her orgasm, she hits the note, and all of the glass in the house shatters!
Upon this discovery, she looks down to see that her college studd looks like he has been burned alive... from the inside out!!

Eager to get laid, and to test her powers again, she sleeps with all the other boys at her sixteenth b-day party, except this time, she contains her screams. The bodies of the young men are all reduced to the same crispy corpses as before, but her voice powers remain!! She then goes out and gets a recording contract.
As she sleeps with bums and drifters to charge her powers by night, and then using her powers of high pitched painful singing to gain stardom during the day.

Can anyone stop... THE BANSHEE?!

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Man, I grew up on that stuff!

Here's another one.

Pitof Presents....The Banshee.

Sydney Siren(Mariah Carrey) is a modest young twelve year old girl who follows the music industry very closely and notices that sissy pop music is steadily taking over. She begins to practice shattering glass with her supesonic vocals. IN vain, she repeatedly attempts it again and again until one day, on her sixteenth b-day, she decides to have sex for the first time with a tall buff college student with commitment issues. She realizes that her first time should be with someone who means nothing to her so that there is no attachment. After the pain of having her hymen broken subsides, she begins feeling good, and begins to orgasm. Suddenl, in the climax of her orgasm, she hits the note, and all of the glass in the house shatters!
Upon this discovery, she looks down to see that her college studd looks like he has been burned alive... from the inside out!!

Eager to get laid, and to test her powers again, she sleeps with all the other boys at her sixteenth b-day party, except this time, she contains her screams. The bodies of the young men are all reduced to the same crispy corpses as before, but her voice powers remain!! She then goes out and gets a recording contract.
As she sleeps with bums and drifters to charge her powers by night, and then using her powers of high pitched painful singing to gain stardom during the day.

Can anyone stop... THE BANSHEE?!


Whoa... so that's what "Glitter" was about? Damn, am I glad I missed that one! :D

[shinlyle]

Which brings me to...

Pitof Presents...Power Girl.

A lonely, untalented woman(Lil' Kim) is trying to make her living in the musical realm of hip-hop and r&b. She learns that she is only good enough for about one or two lines in a son before she loses her train of thought. Confused and lonely, she decides to hook up with an up & coming rap star whose mentor had just died that has no skill of his own(P.Diddy). She sides with him, and together, they make almost one whole rapper! They begin to lure others into there herum by letting Lil' Kim give them oral pleasure in exchange for the other rappers signing recording contracts! Soon, Lil' Kim becomes known as the most powerful girl in rap, or....POWER GIRL! The only girl in the biz who can suck every rapper towards her so that she can freeload on yet ANOTHER rap song in which she had NO creative input.:rolleyes:

COMING TO YOUR STEREO EVERY FIFTEEN FRICKIN' MINUTES!!!!

[That-Guy]

LOL :D that's a great one!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
LOL :D that's a great one!

Thanks, I was just venting. That little whore is in like, every three rap songs on the radio and I don't think she even has ONE album of her own songs. It's just pathetic. I haven't even heard the regular version of "Magic Stick" by Fifty Cent that doens''t have her slutty ass in it in almost eight months. I learned to hate that song. Every five minutes that ***** was on the radio talking about a trick she can do with a Sprite can. I don't know about you, but to me, that's just scary...

[That-Guy]

Yeah, if there's one thing I hate, it's pop stars. Not rappers; POP STARS. When I say pop star, I mean any "musician" whose face seems to be permanently plastered to MTV (i.e. Justin Memberlick, P. Dicky, etc.).

[shinlyle]

Pitof Presents...The Legion of SuperHeroes.

In the distant future, almost three months from now, A group of pop stars led by Justin Timberlake, realize that this "Superhero trend" seems to be catching on. They realize that soon, real superheroes could emerge and rob them of their stardom! In a desperate effort, J-Tim enlists the help of his ex-lover, Britany Spears and her rival, Christina Agulera, Fred Dust, Ricky Martin, Big Joe, and Ashanti, and he decides that they should ban together as "The Legion of Superheroes".
Soon after they form their "Legion", MTV signs them on for a five year contract to become the biggest reality show EVER. They all sign on, and proceed to right wrongs on national television. MTV hires pan-handlers to do crimes and then allow the pop star seven to beat him down and haul him in.
However, as the show progresses, the viewers begin to feel betrayed because the group has not one super-powered person among them!

MTV, sensing that the ratings are dropping steadily, decide to look into ways to give their TV superheroes some superpowers! They all start researching, and realize that, in the comics, most people who acquire powers are either genetically altered, aliens, given a magical artifact, wear armor, or exposed to radiation.
After realizing that all the other options were too expensive or impossible, they decide to opt for the radiation treatment. So, one night, while the team is battling a lone homeless man who stole a loaf of bread, the MYV crew has the bum fall into the sewer via a trap door, where a truck full of radioactive, toxic waste is waiting. The bum waits for the pop stars to enter, and as soon as the last one arrives, he dumos the radioactive liquid onto the stars and starlets!!!
As the bum flees to safety, the gang is consumed in the green liquid.They eventually swin to safety, and get to their beach house. After they arrive home, they proceed to go into shock from the massive amount of radiation that they have taken in.
One byone, they all slip into comas, as their bodies give in to the cancer and radiation poisoning that comes with such exposure. The MTV execs await the cast to come out of their comas in vain, and change the name of the reality show to, "Comatose Pop Stars". The show quickly loses it's appeal after many of the male orderlies are caught gang-raping the team!
Then, one day, the bum that MTV hired comes forward and turns stae's evidence on the ones who hired him. THe MTV execs are in the middle of the trial of their lives. By this time, the contracts on the team members have run out, and so has their time on this Eartth! The angry MTV execs decide to pull the plug on these once profitable stars in order to get rights to their funerals!
The police catch them in the act, but too late. The team had been killed.
Soon, the MTV execs are incarcerated and forced to sell their network to someone who eventually shuts it down, forcing music to rely on the way it sounds, instead of how the singers look.
Justice is served.....for now.

[DDRSkata]

I have no qualms with P. Diddy. He's a good guy and a succesful businessman. Note that he hasn't released a song in quite a while but he's still a billionaire. My mom grew up with Harvey Pierre, the vice president of Bad Boy.

I guess a lot of rappers and people in the music industry come from Queens. My mom rode the bus with LL Cool J in high school. My cousin is 50 Cent's best friend.

Which brings me to my next point:

http://img12.photobucket.com/albums/v30/DDRSkata/me-chris.jpg

This picture is proof that contacts are a pain in the ass.

[That-Guy]

Hey, that's cool that you have so many ties to famous people, dude. But who is that in the picture? I'm not sure what you mean there.

[shinlyle]

I don't recognize him either...

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof Presents...The Legion of SuperHeroes.

In the distant future, almost three months from now, A group of pop stars led by Justin Timberlake, realize that this "Superhero trend" seems to be catching on. They realize that soon, real superheroes could emerge and rob them of their stardom! In a desperate effort, J-Tim enlists the help of his ex-lover, Britany Spears and her rival, Christina Agulera, Fred Dust, Ricky Martin, Big Joe, and Ashanti, and he decides that they should ban together as "The Legion of Superheroes".
Soon after they form their "Legion", MTV signs them on for a five year contract to become the biggest reality show EVER. They all sign on, and proceed to right wrongs on national television. MTV hires pan-handlers to do crimes and then allow the pop star seven to beat him down and haul him in.
However, as the show progresses, the viewers begin to feel betrayed because the group has not one super-powered person among them!

MTV, sensing that the ratings are dropping steadily, decide to look into ways to give their TV superheroes some superpowers! They all start researching, and realize that, in the comics, most people who acquire powers are either genetically altered, aliens, given a magical artifact, wear armor, or exposed to radiation.
After realizing that all the other options were too expensive or impossible, they decide to opt for the radiation treatment. So, one night, while the team is battling a lone homeless man who stole a loaf of bread, the MYV crew has the bum fall into the sewer via a trap door, where a truck full of radioactive, toxic waste is waiting. The bum waits for the pop stars to enter, and as soon as the last one arrives, he dumos the radioactive liquid onto the stars and starlets!!!
As the bum flees to safety, the gang is consumed in the green liquid.They eventually swin to safety, and get to their beach house. After they arrive home, they proceed to go into shock from the massive amount of radiation that they have taken in.
One byone, they all slip into comas, as their bodies give in to the cancer and radiation poisoning that comes with such exposure. The MTV execs await the cast to come out of their comas in vain, and change the name of the reality show to, "Comatose Pop Stars". The show quickly loses it's appeal after many of the male orderlies are caught gang-raping the team!
Then, one day, the bum that MTV hired comes forward and turns stae's evidence on the ones who hired him. THe MTV execs are in the middle of the trial of their lives. By this time, the contracts on the team members have run out, and so has their time on this Eartth! The angry MTV execs decide to pull the plug on these once profitable stars in order to get rights to their funerals!
The police catch them in the act, but too late. The team had been killed.
Soon, the MTV execs are incarcerated and forced to sell their network to someone who eventually shuts it down, forcing music to rely on the way it sounds, instead of how the singers look.
Justice is served.....for now.

BEST... POST... EVER.

Seriously, you have so many great ideas there. That's absolutely hilarious. I think they SHOULD turn this into a movie. It would be hilarious.

[shinlyle]

*blushes*

Thank you very much. I'll sell the rights to the movie as long as the WB isn't the one making it. They would take an obvious parody and try to make it too serious. Then again, they might try to stab me in the back by making it about the comic!! You never know...

[DDRSkata]

The person with me in the picture is my cousin Chris, also known as Lloyd Banks of the G-Unit.

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
*blushes*

Thank you very much. I'll sell the rights to the movie as long as the WB isn't the one making it. They would take an obvious parody and try to make it too serious. Then again, they might try to stab me in the back by making it about the comic!! You never know...

I wouldn't doubt it. F**k WB.

Oh hey, DDR, that's a great avatar you've got there. :D

[shinlyle]

No ****?! Damn, man. That's cool as all hell.

The only cool celebrity thing I can say that happened to me was at heroescon afew years back when I sang karaoke at some party and Mark Waid and George Perez sang backup because I sucked so bad.Other than that, nothing.:(

[Razia]

I once met the guy who created Earthworm Jim (Doug Tennapel)=P He liked my artwork--that was pretty kewl ^.^

I've also met a couple local comic book artists--Tim Vigil and Brandon McKinney. Dunno how well known they are, tho =P

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by shinlyle
No ****?! Damn, man. That's cool as all hell.

The only cool celebrity thing I can say that happened to me was at heroescon afew years back when I sang karaoke at some party and Mark Waid and George Perez sang backup because I sucked so bad.Other than that, nothing.:( YOU SANG KARAOKE WITH MARK ****ING WAID?! :eek:

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by DDRSkata
YOU SANG KARAOKE WITH MARK ****ING WAID?! :eek:

Yeah, man. He can sing fairly well when he's plastered, too!
Okay, it went like this...
Heroescon 2000, Charlotte, NC. The year that Mark, George, Ringo and some others did their own little comics division at Image called "Gorilla comics". They were having this party for all the people at the convention who wanted to go. You had to pay, like, ten or twenty dollars a ticket, but it was worth it. The food was awesome. Anyways, they had this celebration, and they had a guy running the karaoke. Mark Waid sang something like "danke aseim" or soemthing. I wanted to sing to my girlfirend(at the time), so I opted for "You've lost that lovin' feeling" ala Top Gun. I sucked. BAD. Mark Wais and the other writers and artists backed me up. It was really freaking cool. They were all TANKED beyond repair. I think they all wore sunglasses in the convention center the next day...:D

Those guys were REALLY cool about everything. I even thanked them for helping me out. They looked at my artwork at the con the next day, and remembered me as "that poor guy who couldn't sing".

It's one of my top five experiences in life.

[DDRSkata]

Is Heroescon annual? Sounds like fun and I'm in NC as well, so it wouldn't be hard to get out there.

[shinlyle]

Yeah man, it's every year. This year it's June 11-13th. Charlotte convention center. It's pretty sweet.
Here's the link:http://www.heroesonline.com/convention.htm

I'm not even sure who all's coming this year, but Joe Q. is a regular, and so are alot of other guys. Micheal Turner stopped by the year before last. There are alot of big names there usually. You should check it out.

[That-Guy]

Cool stuff. My celebrity encounters so far...

I was an extra in Girl, Interrupted, so I met Winona Ryder and Jared Leto. I also met Sydney Portier a few years back. He's just about the coolest dude on the planet, and the best public speaker I've ever seen. The guy is a freaking genius. I've also met Jim Lee, Mark Sylvestri, and John Byrne, if they count.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
I've also met Jim Lee, Mark Sylvestri, and John Byrne, if they count.

Hell yeah, they count!!! I don't think I've met anyone else execpt for Grant Hill. I got him to sign a basketball back when he was in the ACC. It was some promo deal where he and the other All-ACC guys played together for some charity or soemthing. I can't remember it too well, I was like, 12 years old.

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Ghost Rider.

Hottie Hacheson(Halle Berry) is a former porn star who is trying to make her way into legitimate film, but continuously fails due to her lack of acting skills. She has been on medication her entire life to keep her from going into fits of scitzophrenic rage. As her money begins to run out, she takes the meds less and less often. She begins to hear things. Strange things. She begins to see things she cannot explain. She sees apparitions floating throught he air talking to her. But what is more mind-boggling is her overwhelming sexual appetite that she has for these spectres.
As the last of her meds finally wears off, she begins to contemplate giving herself to these ghosts of seduction. Soon, she begins to have sex with them. THe only draw back to this is that she can see the ghosts, but no one else can. She is soon locked up and left to hump all the ghosts she wants in her very own padded cell!
Halle Berry is... Ghost Rider!:ghost:

[shinlyle]

Halle Berry's interview regarding Pitof's "Ghost Rider".

HALLE: well, this isn't the ghost rider form the comics, this is an entirely new Ghost Rider. She's not a man, because there is no reason for it to be a man. It can easily be woman. After all, we don't need men to take care of us!
Her costume is very representative of women today. She's maked the entire movie, which says how women really want to be. We all want to be naked and having sex all of the time because deep down, we're all loose women!
I don't really care what the fans think, I get to be naked and having sex with multiple people on screen, so what should I care? After all, I am representative to what women want to be int he 21st century. We all want to have sex for money!!

* all the women across the world begin to lynch Halle and Pitof and burn them at the stake as they deserve*

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Werewolf By Night!!

Jack Jackleson(Woody Allen) is a lowly secretary with a cruch on his boss(Angelina Jolie). He is painfully shy and longs to tell his boss how he really feels about her. One night, while going to pick up some lunch for everyone in th eoffice, Jack stumbles across a magical talking rock. The rock, sensing Jack's troubled heart, licks Jack on thelips and says that he is now cursed, until he can let his true love know how he feels about her.
Jack chalks the experience up to hysteria, and proceeds to the office. His work day proceeds as usual until the sun setss and he begins to go into convulsions. He screams for help, but everyone in the office has already gone home! As he lies there, he feels himself changing, his hair lengthens, he sprouts boobs, and his genitalia transforms into that of the opposite sex! He is now a woman(Halle Berry). Full of confidence and sexuality, he decides to tell his boss how he feels about her!! Alas, stricken with the spirit of true 21st century woman, he begiins having sex with every man and woman he stumbles upon! After being satisfied over and over, he finally arrives at his boss's brownstone. As he knocks on the door, the sun sets, and he returns to normal. He flees and returns back to his apartment where he changes clothes and goes into work. All the people are abuzz about a "Slut of the Night"! He claims ignorance, and proceeds to ignore his boss as usual, until dusk.
Faking a migraine, he rushes to his boss's home, so he can be waiting for him as he transforms. He sees his boss's car rounding the corner as he transforms into the were-slut again.
As he attempts to seduce his boss, he realizes that the reason for his boss ignoring his advances was because she was infact, a lesbian. Relaizing this, he decides in his heart to have a sex-change operation so that he can be with his lover forever. As he thinks this, the magic rock appears, and grants his wish.
Blessed with his new feminimnity, he and his boss live happily ever after until the day comes that he gets his first period!! Terrified at the choice he has made, he realizes that no man should ever have to endure this, and he takes his own life.
Later he finds himself resurrected as a werewolf who prowls upon the sexually frustrated men who wish to become women by giving them pamplets that explain what a menstrual cycle feels like. Sex-changes are halted and the world finally learns to be happy with the way God made them.
All thanks to... The Werewolf by Night.

[shinlyle]

Bump.
Just because I love this thread.

[Marvel zombie]

Pitof presents...THE BLACK WIDOW!!!

Ivana Arseload (Halle Berry) is a woman who marries a lot of men. She ends up killing every one of them just for their trust funds. One day, while exploring the library in the mansion of her new 70 year old husband, she is crushed and killed when she knocked over a shelf full of different versions of the Karma Sutra. Suddenly, a magical Egyptian black widow crawls out of one of the books. The spider finds Ivana's body and bites her one the lips. Ivan suddenly springs to life. With a kiss of death, she kills every single husband she marries. One day she marries a drunk man named Joe Schmitt (Justin Timberline) in Las Vegas. Right after they enter a penthouse suite, he snaps back to normal and realizes her powers (plot hole never solved). He suddenly knocks her over and runs away. It is now Ivana's job to track him down and deliver the final bite.

Will the Black Widow sink it's teeth into audiences? Coming Summer 2005...

Now for exculsive screens from the movie


http://tecnologia.tiscali.it/sfondi/celebrita/media/berry5.jpg

Ivana upon springing back to life

http://homepage1.nifty.com/SHO_DESIGN/picture/toy/spider.jpg

The black widow spider. ( Made completely with CGI!!!)

http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/t/Timberlake_Justin/sq-justin-timberlake-cry-me-jive.jpg

Joe snaps back to normal

http://www.roarkjohnson.com/4/Happy%20boy.jpg

Roy upon renting this movie

[shinlyle]

LMFAO!!!

Great work,man! I especially like the shot of roy who looks like his mom just walked in on him whacking it to "Monster's Ball".

[That-Guy]

GREAT stuff guys... sorry I've been abset from this thread for a few days, so here's one:

Pitof' The Punisher, A Children's Story

Marcie Playground (Halle Berry) is a single mom with no job who decides to open a day care center so she can sit on her ass all day at home and get paid for it. People from all over town bring their snotnosed brats and it isn't long before these little hell-spawns start driving Marcie up the wall. Pretty soon, she finds that her tried and true method of "ignore the kid until he shuts the hell up" isn't going to work, after one of the older kids drops one the babies and the kid ends up paralyzed from the eyes down. So she decides to become "The Punisher" and go around putting all the kids into a corner or smaking them. Eventually, however, one of the children, Ben Willard Socrates (Frankie Muniz) leads an uprising against their former master, which causes Marcie to stock up on machine guns and go around wasting all the children in her former home, which has become a war zone. Go see it.

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
GREAT stuff guys... sorry I've been abset from this thread for a few days, so here's one:

Pitof' The Punisher, A Children's Story

Marcie Playground (Halle Berry) is a single mom with no job who decides to open a day care center so she can sit on her ass all day at home and get paid for it. People from all over town bring their snotnosed brats and it isn't long before these little hell-spawns start driving Marcie up the wall. Pretty soon, she finds that her tried and true method of "ignore the kid until he shuts the hell up" isn't going to work, after one of the older kids drops one the babies and the kid ends up paralyzed from the eyes down. So she decides to become "The Punisher" and go around putting all the kids into a corner or smaking them. Eventually, however, one of the children, Ben Willard Socrates (Frankie Muniz) leads an uprising against their former master, which causes Marcie to stock up on machine guns and go around wasting all the children in her former home, which has become a war zone. Go see it.

LMFAO!!! Does it make me a bad person if I thought that was funny? Just the thought of halle Berry in war-paint wih machine guns wasting little kids is so funny to me....

i need help.:(

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Batman: a love story.

Benjamin Bats(Keanu Reeves) is a hard-working man with a problem. He has married the biggest nymphomaniaac in the world, Harley Hurtem(Halle Berry). Every night, he tries to sneak in, but she catches him, and molests him in front of the window by performing oral sex. Ben doesn't understand why the crown of people gather to watch him suffer through this sexual torment every night. As Harley screams "BAD MAN! BAD MAN!" over and over.

Little does he realize that after he climaxs, he grips the curtain in a fashion that causes it to resemble a gaint bat from the streets below. THe people of New Jersey finally have a hero to protect them from the scourge of the evil dominatrix, Harley Hurtem, and his name is... BATMAN!

So every night, unknowingly, Ben saves the denizens of New Jersey from being sexually ravaged by this disease infested harlot that he has married. Perhaps someday, he will learn the truth....

[That-Guy]

HAHA... yeah, I know it's sick humor, but hey, I'm glad it made somebody laugh. :D

[shinlyle]

Hey, I'm a huge "Family Guy" fan, so I dig sick humor.:D

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Pitof presents...Batman: a love story.

Benjamin Bats(Keanu Reeves) is a hard-working man with a problem. He has married the biggest nymphomaniaac in the world, Harley Hurtem(Halle Berry). Every night, he tries to sneak in, but she catches him, and molests him in front of the window by performing oral sex. Ben doesn't understand why the crown of people gather to watch him suffer through this sexual torment every night. As Harley screams "BAD MAN! BAD MAN!" over and over.

Little does he realize that after he climaxs, he grips the curtain in a fashion that causes it to resemble a gaint bat from the streets below. THe people of New Jersey finally have a hero to protect them from the scourge of the evil dominatrix, Harley Hurtem, and his name is... BATMAN!

So every night, unknowingly, Ben saves the denizens of New Jersey from being sexually ravaged by this disease infested harlot that he has married. Perhaps someday, he will learn the truth....

GREAT stuff :D

[shinlyle]

Thanks. I think we need a change of pace, though. How about we do stories, roy style? roy presents his version of "Pitof Presents". I'll give it a try.

roy presents...A Pitof production....Batman.

"batman is now a chick played by halle berry cuz halle is hot. pitof directs it cuz pitof is cool. batman wears a leather bra with a boob hanging out so that i can please myself while watching it. halle fights a bunch of gay-ass haturs played by shinlyle and that_guy and everyone else who makes fun of her someday lover named roy. halle falls for roy when she catches him whacking it to a ricky martn video cuz she likes ricky martin too. afterwards halle and roy have kids and after roy is licked on the lips he gets superpowers and kills all the gay-ass haturs cuz halle is hot and this movie will rock."

my english teacher said i was the dullest light in the hall and i am sure that is a compliment so you haturs can lick it cuz you all are gay and catwoman2004 will rock!:p

Ah, now that is a work of art! I thnk I captured roy's immaturity, homophobia, and chronic masturbation woth tha one...:D

[That-Guy]

LOL, that was hilarious! :D

And now, an Entertainment Weekly exclusive interview with Roy on his new film, "Wunder Womin is HOt."

Entertainment Weekly: So Roy, how does it feel to be directing a movie based on a character that has been around for half a century? Do you feel that there is enormous pressure on you to make this movie a sure-fire hit?

Roy: HAlle is HOt!!!

EW: Yes... yes she is. What inspired you to cast her as Wonder Woman?

Roy: She's Hot! And This Movie WIll BE AWESOME!!! DO YOu THink It WIll win any AWards?

EW: Well... it's a little premature to say that right now... I mean, the movie hasn't even come out yet.

Roy: BUt I Seen the trailer! IT looks AWEsome!!!

EW: Hmm... well, we've yet to see anything yet, but I'll take your word for it. After all, when I saw the trailer for The Return of the King, I could tell it was going to get some oscar nods.

Roy: LOrd Of THe RIngs is STupid STupid! WOrd to YOur Mother!!

EW: Okay... let's just talk about the movie. Now, I understand you've changed a LOT from the source material here. "Wunder Womin" is no longer an Amezon princess... instead you changed her to an exotic dancer name Laura Lips who gains superpowers by having sex with other women in a nuclear reactor. What brought on the change?

Roy: I wanted to see Halle BUtt NEkkid again and with a chicK!!!

EW: I see. So does that mean we'll pretty much just see a lot of gratuitous ass shots in this film?

Roy: Oh no, you'll see boobies too!

(At this point the interviewer walked out.)

[shinlyle]

LMFAO!! Beautiful!

ET's exclsive first look at roy's presentation of a Pitof film...Superman.

ET: So, how does it feel to be producing the most anticipated superhero movie ever?

roy: HAlle iS HOT and ShE wILL oWn U aLL!

ET:...um,'kay...Well, what was your favorite thing about working on the film?

roy: wAtcHing HALLe dO tHE nUDe SceNES!!

ET: Why is Halle Berry in this movie? Is she playing the part os Lois Lane?

roy: haLLe iS hOT!! shE iS plAyiNG sUperMan!! sHe RulEZ!!

ET: Doesn't it strike you as a little dumb to have a female playing the part of a male? Shouldn't the movie be called "Supergirl" or "Superwoman"?

roy: C? Ur jUSt aNudder HatUR! U R sexiSt!

ET: How? I am a woman, imbecile.

roy: haHA Ur not as hOT aS hALLe!!

ET: ****,YOU, You SAWED-OFF LITTLE PRICK!
(Mary Hart pulls out gun, puts two bullets in roy's head)

roy: hat......ur....*

[shinlyle]

Okay...

Pitof presents...Cyclops.

Cyndy Cillius(Halle Berry) is a working prostitute who is having a streak of bad luck. She has contracted Herpes in her line of work, and the word hasd finally gotten out. Buisness is dead.

One day, a man she gave herpes to named Juan Juarez(Cheech Marin) finds her giving head in a nearby alleyway. He corners her and takes out her eye.
At the hospital, they are unable to re-attach it, and she loses her eye permanently.
Soon, on the streets, the men and women of the city who have herpes here about this "Cyclops" hooker who is contaminated with herpes. And, yes, many more make attempts on her life. Some however, see hope. See, some of the men who have been without sex for awhile for fear of spreading the disease, hear about this woman, and decide she may be their outlet for physical pleasure!!
So, hunted for punishment by some, and for sex by others, Cyndy has to be ever on her guard!

Halle Berry is...Cyclops.:cyclops:

[That-Guy]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!

[shinlyle]

Thank you very much....:D

Pitof presents...The White Queen.(made for Lifetime)

Francis Frost(Halle Berry) is a white-bred girl who has been raised by white folks. She has been told that her father is the man she lives with. She knows deep down that it is a lie. So, after her father gets drunk and comes in to beat her and make sexual advances towards her, she confronts him with the truth. He tells he rto shut her *****-ass mouth or she'll get shot accidentally by a gang, just like her mother. Something in Francis snaps, and she lunges at her "father"' and begins to hit him with the most fierce slapping she can muster. He overpowers her and tells her that because the movie is rated PG-13, he isn't going to rape her...this time.
Francis runs to the police station(ran by men) and tells them what happened. They all laugh at her and she runs to another town where female cops run the place, and they go u against the men, having them all locked up for harrassing women. Francis is nominated to become mayor. She wins the election because she is the most victimized female to survive the oppression of the "male pigs".
She begins to call herself the "White Queen" and , with her band of angry feminist police-women, she attempts to overthrow this male-dominated world!!

She is... the White Queen.

This summer...only on LIfetime:television for idiots.

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by That-Guy
GREAT stuff guys... sorry I've been abset from this thread for a few days, so here's one:

Pitof' The Punisher, A Children's Story

Marcie Playground (Halle Berry) is a single mom with no job who decides to open a day care center so she can sit on her ass all day at home and get paid for it. People from all over town bring their snotnosed brats and it isn't long before these little hell-spawns start driving Marcie up the wall. Pretty soon, she finds that her tried and true method of "ignore the kid until he shuts the hell up" isn't going to work, after one of the older kids drops one the babies and the kid ends up paralyzed from the eyes down. So she decides to become "The Punisher" and go around putting all the kids into a corner or smaking them. Eventually, however, one of the children, Ben Willard Socrates (Frankie Muniz) leads an uprising against their former master, which causes Marcie to stock up on machine guns and go around wasting all the children in her former home, which has become a war zone. Go see it. I smell sex and candy there. ;) :D

[That-Guy]

Pitof's The Watchmen

Harvey Happywhacker (David Arquette) is a pervert who likes to spy on his next door neighbor Marla Marvelous (Halle Berry). Then one day he discovers that she has a thing for spying on the neighbor across the street Billy Barley (Chris Tucker) who in turn spies on 3 more people via cameras that he's secretly set up in their bathrooms. So Harvey and the others decide to become superheroes because they have such a talent for vigilance. Harvey becomes Peeping Tom, Marla takes up the guise of Viewfinder, Billy becomes the Private Eye. Together they fight crime by spying on criminals and pleasuring themselves to what they see.

[shinlyle]

LOL! I just finished reading Watchmen, so I find this hilarious!! Great work.

[That-Guy]

Thanks, dude. I really liked your "White Queen."

[shinlyle]

Well, I figured everyone who made a big deal about Halle being black would get a kick out off her playing a white girl. I mean, she's half of each, right? I figured it would be a good way to tear down the racial barriers and Halle's name all at the same time.:D

Anyways, here you go...

Pitof presents...Transformers.

Young Tina Turbine(Halle Berry) is into illegal street racing. One day, while racing her obnoxiously loud and not-too-fast import (fill in import of your choice), an old 1969 Camaro pulls up beside her, and makes her and her little rice-burner look stupid. This loss is particularly hurtful because it was for slips!!!
As she begins the long walk home, she stumbles across a car that appears to be driving itself! As it goes into a nearby alleyway, shr follows behind it, only to see it transform into a robot! Suddenly, the machine transforms again, this time into the form of a slim, American pop star(Justin Timberlake)!
He then uses his powers of hypnosis to seduce Tina and make sweat love to her on top of a rusty dumpster full of radioactive car parts.
When she awkens, she finds herself capable of transforming into different vehicles! Apparently, the seed from the transformer, plus the radioactive car parts, plus the fact that its a convenient plot device has allowed for her to be her own weapon of speed!
As she goes along, outrunning car after car, she realizes that she must recharge her fuel cells every so often...with SEX!
Months go by, and she notices that she has started losing again. Apparently, all the men she has had sex with have developed the same powers, and she has become pregnant with a Volkswagen Beetle!
After giving birth and finding the car's father, a humble Jetta, She and her family move on.
They are...the Transformers.

[That-Guy]

WOW. That was awesome. Uh oh. I sound like Roy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
WOW. That was awesome. Uh oh. I sound like Roy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Hey, relax,bro!! You're doing fine!! As long as you don't start repeating "Halle is hot" over and over, you're fine.

Easy, man. Goooooooooooz Frabaaaaaaa.....

[That-Guy]

HALle is HOt!!!! This move will be AWESOME! DO U thunk it will Win Any AWrads?

[shinlyle]

IT wILL oWN U HaTuRZ haHA! haLLw ruLZ!!!

[That-Guy]

R U a RACITS? Why U Be HATIN on HALE?

[shinlyle]

U R gAy and u LiKe litt-el boYz haha

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Star Wars

Movie star Pestilence Prance (Halle Berry) has had 3 flops in a row and young upstart Overbearance Oust (Paris Hilton) has replaced her as the new "it" girl. So Pesitlence takes it upon herself to completely ruin Overbearance's career. She goes to Overbearance's home town and sleeps with a bunch of her childhood friends so that they go on news programs and talk about how much of a slut overbearance was as a young teenager, and one of them even produces a series of sex tapes featuring the star. In retaliation, Overbearance sleeps with all the directors in Hollywood so that they vow never to hire Pestilence again. In the midst of this Star War, however, the two young women eventually realize they are in love and engage in a "Mulholland Drive" style sex romp.

[shinlyle]

LOL!!!!Nicely done. Of course, you know you have to do an "Empire Strikes Back" and a "Return of the Jedi" now.
Meet....Darth Berry...

[That-Guy]

Darth Berry... HAHAHA! "LUKE. I AM YOUR LOVER."

[shinlyle]

Darth Berry: "Luke, ahhhh-huuuuuuuh.... dogs do not like me!!!"

Luke(played by Janet Reno): "No, that's not true....that's impossible...."

Darth Berry: "Search your feelings and you know it to be true! I also love sushi!"

Luke: "NOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOO! Nooo!!!!"

[That-Guy]

:D I love this thread.

[shinlyle]

This is THE best thread on this forum, hands down! It's probably the longest running one(post-wise) on here, too.

[That-Guy]

Yeah, it's great.... but we need to get more people to join in here. I've had this problem with similar threads like Batman Fight Club. For the first couple of pages, lots of people show up, and then they gradually drop off. And that's understandable because it's hard to be consistantly creative. But for those of us that are, rock on!

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Sesame Street.

Sabrina Sanchez(Halle Berry) is a lone prostitute in a bad neighborhood. She tries to turn tricks to make ends meat, but is constantly held back by the lackeys who polute her neighborhood.
The Count, and his enforcers, Big Bird and Snufflelufacus, are constantly wanting a cut of her take. And with gangs like the honkers around, they feel they offer protection. So Sabrina gets involved with an underground drug ring she learns about from Oscar, a man often referred to as "the Grouch". She learns of an underground section of Sesame Street where a young dope dealer named Grover has set up shop. Along with his henchmen, Elmo,Zoey, and the Cookie Monster, they try to make a play for the streets.
Then there are the crooked cops, Burt and Ernie, whose heroine addiction brings one of them into The Count's fold, but which one is it? Once lovers, still partners, can they fight for what's right and make the streets safe before Grover's Gang and The Count bring all of Sesame Street down around them?

Summer 2005, do you know how to get to....Sesame Street?

[That-Guy]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's priceless! :D

[shinlyle]

Thanks. Here's a potential sequel.

Pitof presents...Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

One of the only survivors left after the "Pinball Song Massacre", Mr. Rogers (Nelly) attempts to lay claim to the ruins that were once Sesame street. With the entire section declared by the government a "No Man's Land", Mr. Rogers rebuilds the street in his image! He has crack dealers set up on the corner in a week, and hos on the street in three weeks. The reconstrustion is going well until he discovers a train track underneath the streets. He follows it, leaving his "peeps" behind. He soon discovers this "world of make-believe". It is, in fact, Grover's old stash of loot and heroine!
As he begins to set up shop, he notices that people are starting to follow the tracks to get into his loot! So, Mr. Rogers uses a little chedar to get him a train to da' land a make believe. After the train is built, he begins to haul in workers. They are given heroine so that they develop an addiction. Soon, everyone is either working for him, or buying from him. And if you can't pay the bill, you gotta go on the train, yo.
So, who wants to visit the land of make-believe, today?

[That-Guy]

Dude, that kick ass. I especially liked the Batman No Man's Land reference. And the whole idea of turning Mr. Rogers into a story about heroin... pure genius. :D

[shinlyle]

Thanks! I was rather proud of this one. And now, the next chapter...

Pitof presents... Barney.

Barney Dino Sauer (Eminem) is a heroine slave in the land of make-believe who has decided that he wants the power and respect that Mr. Rogers(Nelly) commands. Unfortumately, his insurrection is pointless unless he has some monetary way to back it. He is feeling like giving up hope, until one day, hefinds an abandoned shoe store underground. He finds a box labeled "Green Nikes", and finds a cache of pills. He takes one, deciding that anything could be better than living down here, so, if its poisonous, he's going to be better off. After taking the pill, he begins to feel good....realy good. He begins to touch everything. He finds some jonesin' heroine addict women workers and buys sex from them in exchange for heroine, which he feels he doesn't need anymore.
He finds sex much more interesting while on these pills, so he decides he must sell them.
He sets up shop after sneaking out of the land of make believe in a run down building that says "The Count's Crib" on the sign. He works with the pills to make a new form that appears purple. He begins to call it "The Purple Dinosaur".
People from all over begin to flock to the aptly named "Barney's" for their own share of the intimacy increasing drugs. Soon, the workload becomes to much for Barney, so he hires an assistant, a mentally challenged girl named Baby Bop(Christina Ricci) to aid in the production and profit collecting. before long, Barney has an empire. He even has people sharing their drugs, with his"Please and Thank You" gift bags.
Soon, Mr.Rogers and his hoods, The Two Purrs(played by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and The two kids from "Big Daddy"), get wind of this set up and go to take down Barney once and for all!!
Now, Barney, who is nearly O.D.ing on his own supply can only say "I love you....You love me...."

Will this be the end for the "Purple Dinosaur", or will Barney rangle him a three way with the Olsen twins?
"I love You, You Love Me..." coming 2006....

[That-Guy]

Another classic, dude! Are the Teletubbies going to appear in part 4? I can't wait!

[shinlyle]

Shhhhhh...You'll spoil it. It should be appearing later today!

[That-Guy]

Haha, sweet. I can't wait for that one.

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...The Teletubbies.

Four brothers (Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Vin Diesel, and Tom Green), All representing different sets, are reunited in their once peaceful home town near the ruins of old Sesame Street. The foursome learn of how rival gangs have bled the streets dry over the years. The first war between The Count and Grover left the streets in ruins, only for them to be rebuilt by the late Mr.Rogers, who fell in battle to Barney, who was then killed by the heroine addict slaves he refused to free, years later. Now, without a steady leadership, the people of old Sesame Street have resorted to living like animals. They rob passers-by and shoot-up with anything liquid in order to stave off their constant hunger for the next heroine fix. The children, the only hope that th ecity has left, have all fled into the old slave pens in the land of make-believe where they were born, in order to keep their parents from feeding on them or selling them for more smack.
The brothers realize that, if they are ever going to survive against the canabilistic road-warrior heroine-addicts, they are going to need back-up. So, donning colorful threads of Blue, Red, Yellow, and Purple(with a purse), they decide to play haunting songs and flash colorful subliminal messages through plasma screens on their chests in order to get the children to do their bidding.They are ...The Teletubbies! Now that they have an army, they lead them through the streets of Ol' Sesame, singing their haunting melodies and lulling hte parents into thinking that they are high. While the parents are dazzled by the "bright shiny colors" the Teletubbies lead the parents to the old flooded sewer ravine, and deactivate their lights, returning the children and parents back to normal. As the parents proceed to chase the children into the sewage, the Purple purse carrying TT produces a stick of dynamite. He lights it, and the parents are mesmerized. As the children flee from the parents and out of the sewage, Purple one throws the dynamite into the middle of the starving hoard! They all run to it, thinking it to be a light of hope, onl yto find it has been tossed on top of a pound of C-4!!
The children watch in horror, as their drug-riddled parents are blown to smitereens! They watch so intently, that they are all blinded and deafened by the explosion!! The Teletubbies begin to use their hypnosis, but the now handicapped children are immune to it. The songs only lead them to their previous captors, and they are lynched, cooked, and eaten.
The children now rule Sesame Street, and woe to any who trespass in the town now known as...Disneyland!!!

[shinlyle]

That may be the most twisted view on children's programming since "Death to Smoochy". I certainly hope Pitof doesn't make those into movies...:mad:

[shinlyle]

Pitof presents...Hellblazer.

Carrie *****worth(Halle Berry) is a lowly secretary who is content in her role as a conservative woman until one day, she meets up with a fat liberal hermaphrodyte named Toni Torez(Rosie O'Donnell). After being attacked and licked profusely, Carrie necomes confused as to her sexuality, and decides that people shouldn't have to choose a team, not when they canplay for both!
Now she is an independant woman of the 21st century who sleeps with men and women of all shapes and sizes! She decides that all who wil not have sex with her are too "old fashioned" and that they are clearly just Nazis. Her path of terror and sexual liberalsm spreads like a wildfire. This "Hellblazer" begins to threaten the lives of people who don't think that their children should be taught that they should sleep with everyone no matter their gender,race, etc. So, the last twenty parents, ten men and ten women, decide to bring the Hellblazer harlot's sexual rampage to a hault...though force.
Toni Torez tells Carrie of this terrible plot, and agrees to help her confront her evil conservative nemesees. As the parents make their way to the harlot's hideout, they are slowly picked off one by one until only one couple is left. Now, facing ten Hellblazers, they decide to fight until the end. The husband, A hard-working southern man, blasts both Carrie and Toni in the face with a 12gauge shotgun, as they both fall, the other eight parents, who had not yet consumated their new sexually deviant lifestyle, return to normal. the rest of the world's population reverts back to normal months later.
The moral to the story is this, whether you are gay or straight, big or small, ugly is still gly, and Rosie O'Donnell should still die.(if for no other reason than playing a fat Betty Rubble in that crappy Flintstones movie)

And for those who are wondering, a small group of rebels led b the secluded "roy" went on to look for the source of the curse, seeing as how he and his miserable band are the only ones who didn't get laid.:D

[shinlyle]

In honor of the trailer for CINO...

Pitof Presents...The Suicide Squad.

A group of Halle Berry fans led by the obnoxious "roy"(Kieren Caulkin), posts on internet message boards telling everyone that the new Catwoman film starring Halle Berry will be like the Second Coming. They post how the movie will rock due to Halle's beauty, but everyone mearly tells them they are wrong. These, "haturs" do so rather politely, and ask for reasons as to why they should listen to these "supporters". Only one supporter,A1ant(Eric Bana), responds to the haturs requests, citing references that, while they don't gain him any followers, gain him the respect of his adversaries, and even friendship from some.
The "Halle-cats" as they call themselves begin to lash out at the haturs, telling them they are losers, and questioning their sexual identity! Some even say that the Haturs should reserve judgement until the trailer is released. This being the only sound argument, the Haturs continue to bash the movie and to warn the Halle-cats about how bad it is going to be.
Then comes the day of truth, the trailer arrives, and all hell breaks lose. The supporters wo still have their reason about them renounce the Catwoman movie. A1ant stands by it faithfully for his own reasons. The Halle-Cats on the other hand, cannot handle it.
Their insipid leader roy, is tortured and killed by the very crew he was leading, and the Halle-cats then drink a strong poison, and take their own lives. A1ant arrives to try and save them, but instead finds Snowball_83 holding a cup of the poison, looking into it. He convinces her to stop, and the two leave, the only supporters left. Roy, and his Suicide Squad are rumored to still haunt movie-plexes 'til this day, chanting their sadness.....

...."Halle iS hOT".... "tHIs mOVIe wiLL rOk'....

Coming to the real world, sooner than you think...

[That-Guy]

Whoa! You've been hard at work shin. Great stuff. Absolutely hilarious. :D

[shinlyle]

Thanks, man. I've decided that this thread should remain on the front page for as long as this forum exists (or until July 23rd, when it will be deleted thanks to the movie bombing). Of course, with the trailer lookins as dumb as it does, i think our work here is pretty much finished.

[That-Guy]

Yeah, it's been a good few months. I post on this board now more than anywhere else, simply because I think it's so funny. I mean, I love the Batman forums, but I tend not to post much there because I don't want to know all the details of the new movie. I'd like to be surprised, whereas with something like CINO, I don't give a flying f**k.

[shinlyle]

That's how I am about the Spider-Man forum. I want to have some suprises. I don't mind knowing plot details, but I don't want the endind or anything spoiled for me. Same thing can be said of Batman.
With this forum, I know the movie is going to suck, we now have visual evidence that it is going to suck, and the few people left supporting it now are either morons(roy) or Halle Berry fans with limitless optimism(A1ant).

Of course, I can only imagine the look of heartbreak on roy's llittle 12 year old face when he read that EVERYONE on these boards thinks the trailer was ****.
I imagine he dropped his bottle of Jergen's lotion when he read how many people thought it was stupid.

[Superman13]

Originally posted by medguy
I think there should be a Robin movie. He should be named Joey Schmuckatelli, and he is a poor little rich kid from Gotham. But this is not Batman's Gotham, but rather another Gotham. joey falls off a bridge and is pecked back to life by the spirit of the Robin. He is one of nive Robins in history, and it is his good heart that causes him to be chosen. And then he wears a suit with booties and a candy apple red tunic and short shorts. His mask will consist of a giant bird's head mask. He has attitude, but is soft around the ladies, and very sensitive. This is to show that Man does not have to be shown as a lout, but rather a sensitive, guy that caters to to women and is in touch with his feminine side. The movie will not mention Batman at all. Robin's enemy will be an evil Fortune 500 CEO who wants to take over the short pants industry. The film can be directed by a French guy who insists on not reading any of the comics because this is his version and he didn't want to be burdened with the idea of a previous character named Robin with it's own history...
Hey , that would be cool! Oh, wait. Uh, what?

[Rocky Batboa]

Originally posted by shinlyle
In honor of the trailer for CINO...

Pitof Presents...The Suicide Squad.

A group of Halle Berry fans led by the obnoxious "roy"(Kieren Caulkin), posts on internet message boards telling everyone that the new Catwoman film starring Halle Berry will be like the Second Coming. They post how the movie will rock due to Halle's beauty, but everyone mearly tells them they are wrong. These, "haturs" do so rather politely, and ask for reasons as to why they should listen to these "supporters". Only one supporter,A1ant(Eric Bana), responds to the haturs requests, citing references that, while they don't gain him any followers, gain him the respect of his adversaries, and even friendship from some.
The "Halle-cats" as they call themselves begin to lash out at the haturs, telling them they are losers, and questioning their sexual identity! Some even say that the Haturs should reserve judgement until the trailer is released. This being the only sound argument, the Haturs continue to bash the movie and to warn the Halle-cats about how bad it is going to be.
Then comes the day of truth, the trailer arrives, and all hell breaks lose. The supporters wo still have their reason about them renounce the Catwoman movie. A1ant stands by it faithfully for his own reasons. The Halle-Cats on the other hand, cannot handle it.
Their insipid leader roy, is tortured and killed by the very crew he was leading, and the Halle-cats then drink a strong poison, and take their own lives. A1ant arrives to try and save them, but instead finds Snowball_83 holding a cup of the poison, looking into it. He convinces her to stop, and the two leave, the only supporters left. Roy, and his Suicide Squad are rumored to still haunt movie-plexes 'til this day, chanting their sadness.....

...."Halle iS hOT".... "tHIs mOVIe wiLL rOk'....

Coming to the real world, sooner than you think...



THIS Was great, man. I LOL a **** load. We definitely gotta keep this thread going, there's more to do. I haven't seen this one, so i missed a lot of good stuff, but let's keep it going. i'm off work for a while so, i'll be contributing the next few days.

[That-Guy]

Pitof's Pitofman: The T & Avenger

One day a lonely masterbating internet pervert named Jack A. Johnson (Pitof) decides he wants to be a superhero. He was always a big fan of the Batman TV series as a kid because he admired the way Adam West could solve crimes with his detective skills. Thus he decides to become a detective/superhero. He takes up the guise of Captain Colonoscopy, a hero who cleans out the anuses of supervillains and tests their feces to see if they committed the crimes he is investigating. After 3 months of this, he finds that sifting through sh** isn't doing him much good as a crimefighter, and all his fellow superheroes won't let him into the Hall of Justice meetings because they can't stand the smell. Then one day, when Jack is taking a much needed shower (and whacking off as he peers out a hole he's drilled into his neighbor's apartment bathroom as she also showers), he has an epiphany. He sneaks into his neighbor's apartment that night. As she sleeps, he injects her with some anesthetics and morphine and then he gives her a labotomy. When the neighbor, miss Betty Brastrap (Halle Berry) wakes up, she finds that she has an IQ of 30 and will do whatever Jack tells her to do. So he makes her his sidekick, Jugs, and he becomes Pitofman, a name he picked simply because it "sounds cool." His strategy for fighting crime is simple: 1. Show up at a crime scene. 2. Have Jugs run out naked and wait for the criminals' jaws to drop and they begin to drool. 3. Hit them all over the back of the head with a clown shoe. But soon, a fierce villain arises. It is none other than the evil Chrisnolanman (Chris Nolan) who threatens to thwart Pitof's plan by trying to cut kinky sex out of superhero movies. Will Chrisnolanman send Jack back to his "Catwoman movie is AWESOME" threads? Or will Pitof succeed in putting the S & M back in Superman? Find out this summer!

[shinlyle]

AWESOME!!! LMFAO!!!!:D

[That-Guy]

Thanks, dude. I thought you'd like this one. :D

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by Rocky Batboa
THIS Was great, man. I LOL a **** load. We definitely gotta keep this thread going, there's more to do. I haven't seen this one, so i missed a lot of good stuff, but let's keep it going. i'm off work for a while so, i'll be contributing the next few days.

Thanks, Bro. We appreciate anything that people contribute on this thread, seeing as how it is one of the two civil threads left on this forum. Hell, even roy's lame-in-the-closet-ass doesn't post here! It's the best place arounnd. And I KNOW you have a twisted sense of humor, so I'm certain you have plenty to contribute!

[shinlyle]

Originally posted by That-Guy
Thanks, dude. I thought you'd like this one. :D

Oh, I did!! What about a sequel! There could be the sidekick, "Mr. Whack. N. It", played by roy! Yu could even have he and Pitofman fight over Jugs!!

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Oh, I did!! What about a sequel! There could be the sidekick, "Mr. Whack. N. It", played by roy! Yu could even have he and Pitofman fight over Jugs!!

Well, if you read the last couple of line again... you'll realize that would be impossible...



...unless Pitofman has a split personality...


:D

[shinlyle]

hey, since when does continuity matter to the Wb?:rolleyes:

[royisback]

You tell me fat ass. lol

[Rocky Batboa]

Originally posted by royisback
You tell me fat ass. lol

Hey, roy.


You know....i would just love to drive over you and all your CINO toys in some huge semi truck...umm...

Would that be ok?

[royisback]

Dude, your on this board all day.. Writing some of the most stupidest **** ever. GET A LIFE! BYE

[Rocky Batboa]

Originally posted by shinlyle
Thanks, Bro. We appreciate anything that people contribute on this thread, seeing as how it is one of the two civil threads left on this forum. Hell, even roy's lame-in-the-closet-ass doesn't post here! It's the best place arounnd. And I KNOW you have a twisted sense of humor, so I'm certain you have plenty to contribute!



Well, scratch that, the brat has swung open the door, and arroved///

Hey , are you getting a Ghostbusters vibe too? Like roy is slimer, you're bill murray, and i'm dan akroyd

[DDRSkata]

Originally posted by royisback
Dude, your on this board all day.. Writing some of the most stupidest **** ever. GET A LIFE! BYE Almost too ironic...

[That-Guy]

Originally posted by royisback
You tell me fat ass. lol
Wow. It must be cool to be the only one who laughs at your own jokes.

[shinlyle]

Damn, who let the goat-f***er in here? Now, we have to change this thread to "Roy presents..."

Roy presents....Spider-man

HaLLe berRy iS HoT. sHe drEsses liKe a sPidER becUz PiTOf sAYs sHE shOUld. ShE wearZ a BlaCk tHOng aNd bLaCK sPIDer webs OveR hEr hOT BodY. HaLLE is HOT! sHe fIghts BriTany sPearz cuZ sHE is hOT too. TheY eNd up hAVing seX!!!
ThIS mOVie wiLL oWn U aLL!

cumminG aS soON aS i gEt dONe heRE*sound of roy whacking it while lubed up with lotion*

[demento]

Pitof's Batman:

http://www.hollywoodteenmovies.com/StayingAlivePic.jpg