Spidey's Wisecracks... SUGGESTIONS

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

We all know and love the wisecracking witty dialogues of our friendly neighborhood spider-man. well, what if we were in his shoes. what kind of gags would we have pulled.

THIS IS THE SPIDER-MAN WISECRACK posting thread...

anybody know a witty dialogue? SHARE IT here...

[Batman]

Spidey lands on a wall,meeting Doc Ock fdor the first time:

Spidey:"Dude,i've heard of multi-talented,but you take it up a notch"

okay,that sucked,but oh well.

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by BW/BM
Spidey lands on a wall,meeting Doc Ock fdor the first time:

Spidey:"Dude,i've heard of multi-talented,but you take it up a notch"

okay,that sucked,but oh well.

No, it wasn't that...wait...yeah it was...it does suck. J/k.;) :D

[Jasmine]

Why two threads? As for a wisecrack, I wouldn't mind seeing this one from the comics "Lets just say your fairy godmother thought you'd be lonely, so she conjured me up!":)

[SpyderBurning]

They should have one about doctors and patience. You know, something like "I'm losing my patience with you Spider-Man" and the reply being "Losing patients? You must be a lousy doctor then." Something like that.

[Jasmine]

Originally posted by SpyderBurning
They should have one about doctors and patience. You know, something like "I'm losing my patience with you Spider-Man" and the reply being "Losing patients? You must be a lousy doctor then." Something like that.

Good one.:D

[Go Web Go!]

The possibilites are endless, BUT I'm not very good at coming up with them, therefore I shall remain silent. :(

[The beast dude]

"the fact that doctors call what they do practise just scares me"

"i would shake ur hands but dont no were theyve been"

"imagen trying to wipe ur ass with those"

"whats up doc trying to make up for something ,thik have more of those will accont for youre coff coff"

[SpyderBurning]

A few more bad comments by Spidey:

"You must have one hell of a handshake."

"Is that a huge metal tentacle coming out of your back, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Dont pat yourself on the back too hard there."

"So I stopped your master plan, you don't have to get all up in arms about it."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"I'd shake your hand, but i cant decide which one"

"Which section of the store do YOU buy ur clothes from?"

[SpyderBurning]

"I've always been more of a leg man myself."

[terry78]

I remember from one issue with Spidey vs. Doc Ock he made a crack about him wearing those sunglasses at night, and made a reference to that song with the same name...lol.


Seriously, as long as his jokes are not groaners or bad puns, I'm good. They need to take a cue from the Buffy tv series, as they had wisecracks during fights down to a science.

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"This is a hold-up. Put your hands at the back of your head. ALL of them!"

"I think i saw you in sea world before"

[spider-jide]

Doc ock: My arms arms are a force to be reckoned with, a diabolical wonder if you will...

spidey: Uh huh. Listen, ever thought of taking your act to vegas?

[SpyderBurning]

"Nice goggles doc, we going swimming later?"

The sunlgasses at night one would be funny, since I know that song.

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man struggling with all 4 tentacles of Doc Ock at once, trying to fend them off.

SM: Now I know how a Freshman girl in the back of a car on Prom Night must feel.

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"I'm a spider. Technically. I should have more arms than you do. Now i'm really pissed!"

[spider-jide]

spidey: Wow ock, how do you scratch when you have an itch?

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"When you get arrested, how the hell are the police gonna cuff you?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"If i sing you a song, do you promise to cut your fingernails?"

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by mehzeb
"I'm a spider. Technically. I should have more arms than you do. Now i'm really pissed!"

Doc ock: Insignificant fool! Your remedial retorts do not phase me and for the record your simple mind is too elementary to comprehend that spiders have legs not arms!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"They could really use someone like you in Iraq"

[Equint77]

"first I had to face a "green" goblin.

"let me guess, you're now captain Squid."

[SpyderBurning]

Originally posted by spider-jide
Doc ock: Insignificant fool! Your remedial retorts do not phase me and for the record your simple mind is too elementary to comprehend that spiders have legs not arms!

Spidey: "Legs, arms, whatever. You're as picky as those damn fanboys!"

Not my best work for sure.

[spider-jide]

spidey: Wow, ock. You sure bring a whole new meaning to "bearing arms".

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by spider-jide
Doc ock: Insignificant fool! Your remedial retorts do not phase me and for the record your simple mind is too elementary to comprehend that spiders have legs not arms!

Spidey: Ahh, get over it Doc. Youre not gonna get the nobel prize by teaching me biology. btw what do you call a crazy scientist with metallic testacles... i mean tentacles... in biology...???

[spider-jide]

spidey: Wow, ock. You sure bring a whole new meaning to, "bearing arms".

[ultimatefan]

Spidey gets grabbed by all his tentacles, "dude, you ARE all hands!"

Same situation:
Spidey: "Uh, it´s chilly!"
Doc Ock: "shut up!"

Spidey meets Doc Ock (I used this one already, but still works): "Let me see, hi-tech equipment, glasses, bad haircut, megalomaniac attitude... Bill Gates, right?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Hey Doc, I'm here to dis-arm you"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by ultimatefan
Spidey gets grabbed by all his tentacles, "dude, you ARE all hands!"

Same situation:
Spidey: "Uh, it´s chilly!"
Doc Ock: "shut up!"

Spidey meets Doc Ock (I used this one already, but still works): "Let me see, hi-tech equipment, glasses, bad haircut, megalomaniac attitude... Bill Gates, right?"

:D :D :D

good one man...

[ultimatefan]

Thanks!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"which part of the acquarium did you escape from?"

[ultimatefan]

Spidey: "I just pray to God you don´t throw black ink from where I`m thinking..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Get your hands off me! ALL of them!"

[terry78]

Wow, and I thought Captain Hook had a metal implant fetish!

[ultimatefan]

"Man, you don´t wanna get distracted and scratch yourself in the wrong place..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey pointing to Doc Oak's tentacles,

"Dude, big scary tentacles are SOOO out of fashion"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"How many sleeves does YOUR sweater have?"

[Dr.Dude]

"I'm not even going to try an arm wrestle."

"Geez Doc---I've heard about the right to bear arms, but this is ridiculous!"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey catching one of the tentacles with a web strand...

"I hope you have insurance on those"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"I wanna walk with you arm in arm. Just give a sec to decide which arm i wanna hold"

[ultimatefan]

"Man, I think I saw your cousin in a TV late night movie..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"I think i saw a member of your family the other day. Does Sqiddly Diddly ring a bell?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey looking at the arms...

"In India you would be considered sacred"

[ultimatefan]

"Boy, when you say 'my hands are full' we KNOW it´s a lie!"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey: Alright. Give me Five!

Oak grabs him with four of his tentacles, and uses one of his hands to sqeeze spidey's jaw.

Spidey: okay. i DID NOT mean that

[Silver S]

Doc takes and flips another car down the city block as Spiderman swings in and lands in front of him.

Spidey: Whoa there, partner. Simmer, will ya? You're playing a little rough.
Doc Ock: I'd like to see you stop me, you pathetic waste of life.
Spidey: Well what did you expect me to do? Stand on the sidelines and shake pom poms? Keep score?

Yaaay. That one needs a crutch its so lame. :)

[TheSlag]

*Ock tosses a taxi-cab at Spider-Man. Spidey catches it.

*SM: Who says you can never catch a taxi in NYC?

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"I've heard of multi-tasking. But this is ridiculous..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by TheSlag
*Ock tosses a taxi-cab at Spider-Man. Spidey catches it.

*SM: Who says you can never catch a taxi in NYC?

:D

nice one

[ultimatefan]

"Man, four less jobs in America... Bush is doomed".

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by ultimatefan
"Man, four less jobs in America... Bush is doomed".

:D :D :D

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"If i decide to become your friend, do u promise to keep your hands to yourself"

[Jasmine]

Originally posted by spider-jide
spidey: Wow, ock. You sure bring a whole new meaning to, "bearing arms".

Clever one.:up:

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey, after rescuing MJ from Doc Oak... walking over to Octavius, and saying in a loud macho voice:
"YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME... NOW... I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW ONE THING... THIS IS NOT VENGENCE... NOT VENGENCE... it's PUNISHMENT..."

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by mehzeb
now whose the loser?

u posted the same line 3 times...

admit it... people make mistakes...

LMAO. Alright fine you got me but it wasn'y my fault my pc messed up.

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by jasmine
Clever one.:up:

thanks jaz.

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by mehzeb
Spidey: Ahh, get over it Doc. Youre not gonna get the nobel prize by teaching me biology. btw what do you call a crazy scientist with metallic testacles... i mean tentacles... in biology...???

doc ock: spider-man, your right, i will not get a nobel prize for attempting to teach your feeble mind biology but i will win a prize for teaching you a crash course lesson in "severe pain"!! You, juvenile arachnid will suffer and reach your demise by my hand, bwahahahaha!!!!!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Oh my god! Arm-ageddon is here..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by spider-jide
You, juvenile arachnid will suffer and reach your demise by my hand, bwahahahaha!!!!!

Spidey: "Which hand? Or havent u decided yet?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Does the phrase 'all hands on deck' mean anything to you?"

[Jasmine]

Ock grabs Spidey in his tentacles and says "I have been looking forward to this moment when I would encounter you again you insufferable insect."

Spider-Man- "Are you hitting on me?"

Not that great, but worth a try.:D

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by jasmine
Ock grabs Spidey in his tentacles and says "I have been looking forward to this moment when I would encounter you again you insufferable insect."

Spider-Man- "Are you hitting on me?"

Not that great, but worth a try.:D

good attempt

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Doc Oak is trying to attack spidey with his tentacles, and spidey is dodging them.

Spidey: If you dont keep your hands to yourself, I'm calling 911"

[Jasmine]

Originally posted by mehzeb
good attempt

Thanks.

[Obsidian]

Originally posted by mehzeb
We all know and love the wisecracking witty dialogues of our friendly neighborhood spider-man. well, what if we were in his shoes. what kind of gags would we have pulled.

THIS IS THE SPIDER-MAN WISECRACK posting thread...

anybody know a witty dialogue? SHARE IT here...

As long as the film does not have anything as insipid or stupid as "It's you who's out, Gobby. Out of your mind."
:rolleyes:

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey, looking at the tentacles...

"Lose the extra arms, and i garantee, the girls will love you. Oh, just dont threaten to peel the flesh from their bones, and you'll do fine"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by Obsidian
As long as the film does not have anything as insipid or stupid as "It's you who's out, Gobby. Out of your mind."
:rolleyes:

i know....

that was sooooo stupid....

i actually wanted to stranggle myself after hearing that...

[ultimatefan]

"Man, you gotta get a lot of sexual harrasment lawsuits..."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"You are the first guy i ever saw, who has oil in his armpits"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Anymore threatening dialogues from you Doc, and people will start confusing you with Hannibal Lecter"

[Obsidian]

"Hey Spiderman, my tentacles are going where no proctologist has ever gone before!":D:p

[Vincent]

Spidey looks at the four extra arms of Doc Ock

Spidey "Phew ! I hope I'll never get like that !

Yeah I know lame attempt to a private joke ... :( I'm kinda depressed so give me a break will ya ?

[Jasmine]

Originally posted by Vincent
Spidey looks at the four extra arms of Doc Ock

Spidey "Phew ! I hope I'll never get like that !

Yeah I know lame attempt to a private joke ... :( I'm kinda depressed so give me a break will ya ?

An "A" for effort.:up:

[Vincent]

thks :)

[spideydave]

" You know you would make a good amusement park ride"?

"Stealing your tools from Sharper Image I see"

"Hey why dont you put your hands up and fight like a man! Umm .. just kidding"

I think they should take every quote frome the comics and put in the film. Wasnt happy with the way David Koepp handle Spideys wisecracks. But the one he said to Wrestler and the one Tobey improved which was cut from the film " For a guy whos mouth never moves you sure do talk alot" Hilarious Raimi what were you thinking?

[Compi716]

Right after webbing up some bad guys, Spidey tells the croud,
"When the cops come, remember to spell my name right! It's spelled with a hyphen!"

[Anti-Undies]

Originally posted by ultimatefan
Spidey: "I just pray to God you don´t throw black ink from where I`m thinking..."

RFLMAO..

[Anti-Undies]

Originally posted by compi716
Right after webbing up some bad guys, Spidey tells the croud,
"When the cops come, remember to spell my name right! It's spelled with a hyphen!"

LOL

[SPIDER-MAN-ROX]

Doc Ock to Spider-Man: Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Doctor...

Spider-Man: ubruptly interrupts & says let me guess your name is Dr. Quadruped-Man I presume.

Doc Ock: No you fool my name is not Quadruped-Man, my name is Doc Ock,

Spider-Man: What is a Doc Ock? Let me guess is it a new type of theft prevention to keep thieves from stealing your boat from the Dock?

[Peacekeeper]

*Spidey kicks Ock off side of train... Spidey tries to rest, but Ock comes back... Spidey webs Ock and hurls him off the train, and turns around to catch his breath... Ock jumps back on the train, and Spidey slowly turns to him*

Spidey: "Jus... Go Away..."

Ock: *smiles, then gets serious-looking* "No..." *hurls tentacle at Spidey... Spidey dodges it*

Spidey: "Please?"

Ock: "Why, you're not having fun?"

Spidey: "Oh I'm having loads... I just thought I'd ask..." *Spidey lunges toward Ock*

I thought that woulda been a cool clip in the trailer;).

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man wrapped in Ock's Tentacles....

SM: I know you like me, but people are going to talk...

[Peacekeeper]

Ock: "What's the matter... scared of facing someone who's clearly more powerful than you?"

Spidey: "I don't know... but when I find one you'll be the first to know."

[Peacekeeper]

Ock: "You'll be singing a different tune once I have my grip on you."

Spidey: "What are you, ghey?"

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man upon meeting Doc Ock for the first time...

SM: No offense Ock...but I'll pass on the shake and take your word that you have a "firm handshake".

[Superhero Joe]

Spidey to Doc Ock after moving a battle out of pedestrians way... "Alright Doc, now its just between you and me, mano a manos".:D ;) :p

[Peacekeeper]

*Spidey upon meeting Ock initially*

Spidey: "Wow... you must get your laundry done in no time."

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man struggling against Ock and his tentacles...

SM: Hey Ock... you got "pet names" for these? Late at night... I bet you talk to them... don't you???

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man in battle with Ock...

SM: *Dodges one tentacle: "I'm gonna call him Grumpy..." *flips over another where it's behind him... "Dopey..." *points to the other two supporting Ock... "Sleepy... and Sneezy..."

"Guess that makes you... "Doc"... Hey Moe!!!! *punches Ock...

[Peacekeeper]

Spidey: "I think...

*dodges tentacle*

the reason you're so...

*ducks under table thrown at him*

angry is because...

*leaps onto wall, narrowly missing two tentacles*

you feel isolated... ever think of a week at Club Med?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Hand to hand combat? -- Are you kidding me?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"So vile... so angry... DAMN that rap music"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Hands down, your the HANDY-est doctor ive seen in years"

[SpyderBurning]

Spidey says:

"Who are you, Captin Calamari?"

"Your hand-eye coordination must be crazy"

"Edward scissor-hands got nothing on you."

"Holy metal arms BatMan, this guy is nuts!"

[MST3KPIMP]

"Hey Doc! The Matrix called... It want's its jacket and sentinel arms back!"

[Spiderpig]

Spidey to Ock: -

"Aaa, the infamous Doctor Spaghetti"

"I hope you’ve got a permit to park there"

"Now that’s taking acupuncture a little too far!"

"I presume they’re not for decorative purposes..?"

"All pets should be kept on a leash"

"I hope those things are house-trained"

"Someone’s grumpy, having trouble sleeping?"

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by MST3KPIMP
"Hey Doc! The Matrix called... It want's its jacket and sentinel arms back!"


Doc ock" Miserable, juvenile, peasen! shut the f*** up and take your beating like the insignificant toe rag that you are, pimp...um...i mean spider-man!

[spider-jide]

Originally posted by mehzeb
Spidey: "Which hand? Or havent u decided yet?"

Doc ock: shut up shut up shut up!! All 4 of my bone crushing, flesh pealing tentacles will squash you like the annoying arachnid that you are!!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by spider-jide
Doc ock: shut up shut up shut up!! All 4 of my bone crushing, flesh pealing tentacles will squash you like the annoying arachnid that you are!!

Spidey: you'll use your testacles to squash your what???

[alright that didnt come out right... ]

;)

[CFE]

1: I admit it, I just had sushi for lunch. I didn't mean to eat your relatives.

2: I've heard of "Save the ocean-life," but you've taken it a little too far, buddy.

3: Going to the bathroom must be a real chore for you.

4: You look like a reject for the Museum of Modern Art...

5: Oh don't be such an Octopussy...*After beating Ock*

CFE

[ultimatefan]

Originally posted by MST3KPIMP
"Hey Doc! The Matrix called... It want's its jacket and sentinel arms back!"

The funny thing is, the tentacles look nothing like sentinel ones... They look much more like actual tentacles than the sentinels...

[Rainbowbrite]

how about this everybody is making up great qutes for when they first encounter each other but come on any person would say upon first seeing ock




what the fu*k...................................

[Greenish Goblin]

Nothing can be as bad as " It's you who's out gobby.. out of your mind ! " ...

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man upon meeting Ock the first time after the cafe scene attack...

SM: Don't tell me... Sting died... and left you his wardrobe.

[TheSlag]

*Spider-Man, high up on cieling on Ock's labratory. Ock reaches up with a tentacle and tries to smash him...

SM: You give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Reach out and touch someone..."

[MST3KPIMP]

Originally posted by ultimatefan
The funny thing is, the tentacles look nothing like sentinel ones... They look much more like actual tentacles than the sentinels...

relax

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Hey Doc, Keanu Reeves called - He wants his sunglasses back"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Look Doc, i told you once, and i'm telling you again : I'M NOT LOOKING FOR HANDOUTS!!!"

[Obsidian]

Originally posted by Obsidian
"Hey Spiderman, my tentacles can go where no proctologist has ever gone before!":D:p

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

i don think the Doc would talk like that...

but a good attempt though Obsidian

[Obsidian]

Hey...he's sadistic...he might try it :D;)

[Greenish Goblin]

One from the video games .



Ock - It's time to teach you a lesson , WEB HEAD and doctor octopuses school of hard knocks is now open .


Spider-man - Give it a rest ock i find it hard to believe you have any class let alone a whole schools worth .

[Peacekeeper]

partially from the MTV Animated Spidey Series-

Ock: "Am I supposed to be afraid of a little twerp in bright red spandex?"

Spidey: "THIS IS SO NOT SPANDEX."

[swingerbone]

After defeating Ock, and he's carried away, perhaps Spidey pulled off his arms, or whatnot

Spidey: "*whew*... Now that's what I call a 'Farewell to Arms'..."


That also happens to be the title of the book Ash used to trap his amputated demonic hand in Evil Dead II... so it's a Raimi reference :)

I also liked Slag's Moe line from earlier... seeing as Sam is a huge Stooges fan... maybe it could go something like this:

Spidey: "Hey it's Moe! Where are Larry and Curly?(... or Schemp?)" -- again Raimi reference with Schemps...

or another Evil Dead ref:
Spidey: "...well at least you doesn't have chainsaws on those things!"

[lovenateystyle]

Originally posted by TheSlag
*Spider-Man in battle with Ock...

SM: *Dodges one tentacle: "I'm gonna call him Grumpy..." *flips over another where it's behind him... "Dopey..." *points to the other two supporting Ock... "Sleepy... and Sneezy..."

"Guess that makes you... "Doc"... Hey Moe!!!! *punches Ock...
Nice...

[lovenateystyle]

I know Molina doesn't have the typical comics version Doc Ock hair, but I'd still love to hear a quip about his hair.

That, and "Bunky"... Man I love when Spidey says that in the comics

[TheSlag]

Originally posted by lovenateystyle
I know Molina doesn't have the typical comics version Doc Ock hair, but I'd still love to hear a quip about his hair.

That, and "Bunky"... Man I love when Spidey says that in the comics

I want Spidey to call JJ... "Chuckles" ;)

[IVTheFranchise]

Originally posted by lovenateystyle


That, and "Bunky"... Man I love when Spidey says that in the comics

or "Chubbins".

and he called Ock "Chuckles" once or twice too i think.

[IVTheFranchise]

shortly after Doc Ock says "peel the flesh from her bones".....

http://img31.photobucket.com/albums/v94/Peacekeeper/5e67fb8e.jpg

"Hiya Chubbins, I was in the area and I heard that a guy with 6 arms wanted my autograph. You wouldn't happen to know him wouldya?"

[Compi716]

Mid-battle...
Spidey: "So, what's your secret origin? Bitten by a radioactive toilet snake? If so, please spare the details!"

From Ultimate Spider-Man.

[Hulk1968]

I like Spidey's wisecrack to Bonesaw Mcgraw, in part 1, in the wrestling ring.
" Nice outfit. Did your husband make it for you? "

[Batman]

Spidey to Doc Ock:"You must be an excellent ping pong player"



i got that from Late night with Conan O'brien

[Scruffie]

"Spider-Man?! Here?!"
"Who were you expecting, Tobey Maguire?"

[ultimatefan]

Doc Ock keeps poking on Spidey´s shoulders... "I´m heere! Not, heere! No, no, heere!

[Peacekeeper]

Spidey (upon meeting Ock for the first time): "Geez... jumping jacks musta been hell for you in gym class."

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Originally posted by Peacekeeper
Spidey (upon meeting Ock for the first time): "Geez... jumping jacks musta been hell for you in gym class."
lmao.

[The Spider-Man]

Originally posted by Peacekeeper
Spidey (upon meeting Ock for the first time): "Geez... jumping jacks musta been hell for you in gym class." ROFL!!!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

*Oak trying to attack Spidey with his tentacles, and spidey is dodging them

Spidey: "Would you for heaven's sake put those tin cans down and fight like a real man?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Same scene...

"Wait! I sense an evil entity in the area"

Oak stops and listens, looking around

Suddenly Spidey realizes something...

"... ohh... it's just you. Carry on"

and the tentacles come flying once again...

[Honey Vibe]

*Spidey dodging arms,

" 'Doctor Octopus'? I would have gone with 'Doctor Calamari' myself!"

"Can you shave with those arms?"

"Tentacles? Why not experiment with wings? Then, in the event of a scientific monstrosity, you could fly!"

[Spiderpig]

Originally posted by mehzeb
...Oak stops and listens, looking around...Sorry mehzeb, I let the first 53 times slide but who the hell is Oak..?

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by Spiderpig
Sorry mehzeb, I let the first 53 times slide but who the hell is Oak..?

jus my way of writing Ock...

i'll write Ock if u want me to...

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"How the hell did you shave those arms so clean?"

[TheSlag]

SM (to Ock): Geee.... Bet you never have to worry about those "dishpan" hands.

[The Spider-Man]

Originally posted by mehzeb
"How the hell did you shave those arms so clean?" LOL!!

[Spiderpig]

Originally posted by mehzeb
jus my way of writing Ock...Why?

If there's a a witty antecdote or perhaps a medical condition - please share... :D

[Compi716]

Spidey to Ock:

"Are those tentacles CGI or animatronic? I can never tell!"

"Damnit Ock, why did you kidnap MJ?! What're you gonna do with her...oh. You sick bastard."

"Trenchcoat and sunglasses, not exactly what I'm used to. Personally, I prefer the Power Rangers look."

"Okay Ock, you throw me the girl, and I'll throw you the whip!" (from Raiders of the Lost Arc).

[Compi716]

Spidey while fighting Ock:

Spidey: "All right Ock, I got some good news and some bad news."
Ock: "Die web-slinger!"
Spidey: "The bad news is, i'm gonna have to kick your ass and bring you to jail."
Ock: "And the good news..."
Spidey: "I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko!"
Ock: "Don't you drive a moped?"

[Danalys]

spidy: what kind of invention is that "for the man tired of only being able to scratch themselves in two place at once comes dock ock's patented scraching arms. let no similtanious itch go unscrated."

spidy: why don't you give up the life of crime? with arms like those you could be the worlds greatest plummer. four toilets at once will be no match for dr octopus.

[Geo7877]

Originally posted by compi716
Spidey while fighting Ock:

Spidey: "All right Ock, I got some good news and some bad news."
Ock: "Die web-slinger!"
Spidey: "The bad news is, i'm gonna have to kick your ass and bring you to jail."
Ock: "And the good news..."
Spidey: "I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko!"
Ock: "Don't you drive a moped?"

that actually would be good, except the last line

[Geo7877]

they gotta do an Indiana Jones one.

*Spider-man kicks ock out of a door inside the train, Ock falls onto the track*

Spider-man- "No Ticket."

:)

[Compi716]

Something more in-tune with Molina's relationship to Indiana Jones.

"Okay Ock, you throw me the girl, and I'll throw you the whip!" (from Raiders of the Lost Ark)"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by Geo7877
they gotta do an Indiana Jones one.

*Spider-man kicks ock out of a door inside the train, Ock falls onto the track*

Spider-man- "No Ticket."

:)

Or

Spidey kicks Ock out of the train, and the pertrified people are staring at him, from under the seats, and stuff...

Spidey looks at them,

"What?! He didnt have a ticket!"

[Krissica]

Originally posted by mehzeb
Spidey pointing to Doc Oak's tentacles,

"Dude, big scary tentacles are SOOO out of fashion"


Doc Ock: What, and running around in your underwear is?


*************************************************
Evilspoofauthor1Sven: Couldn't help it!! Insanity is SOOOO
fun!!!:D :D :D

[Bowas5]

Doc Ock: Dam you Spider-man. You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Spider-man: Well, with those arms you would be a pretty good goalkeeper.

Doc Ock: Are you making fun of me.

Spider-man: Is it that obvious.


I know it sucks, but I had to give it a try.

[SPIDER-MAN-ROX]

Spider-Man to Doc Ock: Hey Doc Ock, you seem a little out of breath, maybe you should loosen that girdle just a little.

Doc Ock: Girdle what girdle, are you trying to tell me that I am fat & trying to conceal it? I will let you know that this is a titanium harness & not a girdle.

Spider-Man: Ok brilliant scientist, when you designed your harness did you allow for expansion & contraction?

Doc Ock: I don't think so, why?

Spider-Man: Let's just say that when you have a few more heavy meals & get bloated & start gasping for air don't say I didn't warn you.

Doc Ock: Oh great, I just knew I was leaving something out when I designed this thing.

Spider-Man: How bout we take a break from kicking each others asses & go to an all you can eat buffet. Even hero's & villian's can't fight on an empty stomach.

Doc Ock: Oh great, I just love going to a buffet. If you didn't notice I have 6 arms so I can carry lot's of food at one time & don't have to wait in a long line.

Spider-Man: Ok that's good to hear, while you & your 6 arms are preoccupied with food on the brain, then I will be able to cold cock you with this chair.

Doc Ock: What did you say?

Spider-Man: I asked would you like a cold beer.

Doc Ock: Sorry I don't drink beer, were you trying to get me drunk, so you can have your way with me?

[Kevin Roegele]

"What's with the arms, fu*kface?!"

[Peacekeeper]

Spidey (after dodging tentacles): "You should really bring those in for a tune-up."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by Krissica
Doc Ock: What, and running around in your underwear is?


Spidey: Anything's better than those sunglasses Doc.

[iminsane31]

Spider-Man when he fights Doc Ock he should say:

"Now, I get who your tentacles are. They are Larry, Curly, Moe, and Shemp.

So what does that make you?

The fifth stooge, Curly Joe."

[Dr. Manhatten]

Spider Man: (to Doc) "I bet you give some great handjobs with those hands."

[inspecta51]

some of these lines are corny as !!!!!, but one thing that we are missing here in this type of medium is delivery. The guy who did the voice for the 90's spider-man cartoon had a lot of cheesy lines, but the way he delivered them made you crack a smile.....

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey (looking at the tentacles): "And i thought Saddam Hussein had arms!"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

"Hey Doc, Kofi Annan is looking for you - the UN Summit has come to a conclution - they feel you have too many arms, so, they want ME to DISARM, YOU... Ready?"

[spiderfan09]

"Could you give me a hand, or all 8 of them"

"SOmebody call seaworld, one of their exzibits is loose"

"Look out! squidzilla!"

" You must be one heck of a break dancer"

" If you go out jogging, do you need gas, or do you just plug in?"

[Geo7877]

"When you go to shake hands... Do they fight over it?"

[Geo7877]

"You know, some people just get a really flashy car."

;) That ones a thinker

[inspecta51]

Originally posted by Geo7877
"You know, some people just get a really flashy car."

;) That ones a thinker



Now THATS a quality line....:)

[3dman27]

in think they'd paraphrase a line from the tas
"why couldn't i be up here waiting for KIRSTEN DUNST or JENIFER GARNERin stead of doc ock?

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by Rainbowbrite
how about this everybody is making up great qutes for when they first encounter each other but come on any person would say upon first seeing ock




what the fu*k...................................
"holy !!!!...."

--Wolverine in X2 (upon seeing Deathstrike pop out her own adamantium claws.















Originally posted by TheSlag
I want Spidey to call JJ... "Chuckles" ;)
definitely!

[God Doc]

in a shout out to Nick fans--

spidey to ock:

"Back off, Squidward!"

[Abysstare]

This one would work in pretty much any situation--

"Have you TRIED the yogurt?!?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Doc Ock: Shut up fool! By my calculations you are going to die a very very painful death

Spidey: Geez. How bad in math ARE you?

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

I know that one was a stinker...

[<(o_o)>]

Spider-Man to Doc Ock: Since when did they start turning pimps into super villans? I bet all that hardware comes in pretty handy when it comes to bullying customers when they won't pay up.

[spide-ed]

Originally posted by TheSlag
*Spider-Man wrapped in Ock's Tentacles....

SM: I know you like me, but people are going to talk...

i like it.

[Compi716]

Doc Ock: Get over here you little fu-
Spidey: Hey! This movie is rated PG-13!

[Joseph_Freefall]

Originally posted by compi716
Doc Ock: Get over here you little fu-
Spidey: Hey! This movie is rated PG-13!
breaks the barrier between movies and reality. :(

But amusing one, Compi :p

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by compi716
Doc Ock: Get over here you little fu-
Spidey: Hey! This movie is rated PG-13!

pretty good.

i like it

[SpideyCrazed]

Doc Ock: Spider-Man! At last we meet!
Spidey: Yeah, if you had used a phone for every tentacle, we could have met up a lot sooner.
_________

Spidey: With arms like those, I guess there's no need for a backscratcher.
_________

Spidey: Just goes to show you the evils of technology. If you'd done your experiments by hand, you'd have a test tube stuck to you instead of four slinkies with claws.

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey: Is it halloween already? Gosh! I long WAS I in the little spider's room?!

[Odin's Lapdog]

I've got nothing new to add.

This topic's been done.

Have a look at what the others tried.

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=66226

[Compi716]

Doc Ock meets Spidey. We can't see the tentacles.
Ock: Time to die, Spider. Now, I will kill you.
Spidey: You and what army?
Ock's tentacles come out of the shadows, and the pincers open and close at Spidey.
Ock: Me and this army.
Spidey: Oh.

[HoWheat]

"Neat arms...do they wiggle uncontrollably if someone scratches behind your ear?"

[Spider_man01]

Originally posted by SPIDER-MAN-ROX
Spider-Man to Doc Ock: Hey Doc Ock, you seem a little out of breath, maybe you should loosen that girdle just a little.

Doc Ock: Girdle what girdle, are you trying to tell me that I am fat & trying to conceal it? I will let you know that this is a titanium harness & not a girdle.

Spider-Man: Ok brilliant scientist, when you designed your harness did you allow for expansion & contraction?

Doc Ock: I don't think so, why?

Spider-Man: Let's just say that when you have a few more heavy meals & get bloated & start gasping for air don't say I didn't warn you.

Doc Ock: Oh great, I just knew I was leaving something out when I designed this thing.

Spider-Man: How bout we take a break from kicking each others asses & go to an all you can eat buffet. Even hero's & villian's can't fight on an empty stomach.

Doc Ock: Oh great, I just love going to a buffet. If you didn't notice I have 6 arms so I can carry lot's of food at one time & don't have to wait in a long line.

Spider-Man: Ok that's good to hear, while you & your 6 arms are preoccupied with food on the brain, then I will be able to cold cock you with this chair.

Doc Ock: What did you say?

Spider-Man: I asked would you like a cold beer.

Doc Ock: Sorry I don't drink beer, were you trying to get me drunk, so you can have your way with me?

ROFLMAO

:D :D

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

*Doc Ock attacking Spidey with his tentacles

Doc Ock: You will die a painful death spider-man!

*spidey dodges, and lands on a wall

Spidey: Hey! Arent you suppossed to have an accent?!

[<(o_o)>]

Spider-Man to Doc Ock: Hey nice boxers,

Doc Ock: Cringes in embarrassment & says, Spider-Man I'm afraid that you caught me at a very awkward moment.

Spider-Man: Why? Were you pretending to be Tom Cruise from Risky Business?

Doc Ock: Um no. If you really have to know, I was in rush to use the bathroom & I couldn't get my trousers down in time & messed myself, so I sent them to the dry cleaners to get them cleaned.

Spider-Man: Why were you wearing trousers to begin with?

Doc Ock: Well, when I put them on I never thought that they would be so hard to get off.

Spider-Man: What's that, Your trousers or tentacles?

Doc Ock: Both actually.

Spider-Man: Have you ever thought of getting a spandex jump suit, or MC Hammer pants? It's the ideal outfit for when a super hero or super villain is on the run & really has to go.

Doc Ock: Um no, I never planned that far ahead. I guess I will leave wearing spandex up to you, Superman & the X-Men.

Spider-Man: Haven't you heard, X-Men are no longer wearing spandex outfits, they have been upgraded to leather.

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Originally posted by <(o_o)>
Spider-Man to Doc Ock: Hey nice boxers,

Doc Ock: Cringes in embarrassment & says, Spider-Man I'm afraid that you caught me at a very awkward moment.

Spider-Man: Why? Were you pretending to be Tom Cruise from Risky Business?

Doc Ock: Um no. If you really have to know, I was in rush to use the bathroom & I couldn't get my trousers down in time & messed myself, so I sent them to the dry cleaners to get them cleaned.

Spider-Man: Why were you wearing trousers to begin with?

Doc Ock: Well, when I put them on I never thought that they would be so hard to get off.

Spider-Man: What's that, Your trousers or tentacles?

Doc Ock: Both actually.

Spider-Man: Have you ever thought of getting a spandex jump suit, or MC Hammer pants? It's the ideal outfit for when a super hero or super villain is on the run & really has to go.

Doc Ock: Um no, I never planned that far ahead. I guess I will leave wearing spandex up to you, Superman & the X-Men.

Spider-Man: Haven't you heard, X-Men are no longer wearing spandex outfits, they have been upgraded to leather.


kinda corny

but i like it...

good attempt

:)

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Attention All:

Im Trying To Move This Thread Off To The Spider-man 3 Section So That We Can Continue With The Quips We Want For The Third Movie.

The Lizard, Green Goblin, And Venom Quips...

Lets Get Started...

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Let me start it:

Venom grabs hold of spidey's arms and growls ferociously into his face...

Spidey: We have GOT to do something about your breath!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Venom goes all liquid-y and dodges spidey's punches...

Spidey: Will you quit the whole liquid thing! Youre making me thirsty!!

[Visionary]

These very posts, are the reason why there should never be a lot of wisecracks and toilet banter in these films, it just wouldn't work well at all. The less banter the better.:spidey:

[Boom]

Ock: "Has anyone ever told you that you're a real nuisance?"
Spidey: "Oh yeah. I get that alot."

[Silver Sable]

In the 90's cartoon:

Hydro-Man:You wouldn't think you can beat Hydro-Man would you?
Spidey: Hydride-Man? Whoa! the dogs must love you!

[Boom]

*Upon dodging Ock's arms*
Spidey: "You should really switch to premium gas."

Spidey: "Don't those arms make you bottom heavy?"

[The Sand Lion]

Spiderman: Rust must really be a problem fer ya huh?

[Kmack]

In the 90's cartoon:

Hydro-Man:You wouldn't think you can beat Hydro-Man would you?
Spidey: Hydride-Man? Whoa! the dogs must love you!
hilarious:D

[3dman27]

a crook yells out '"spider-man""
spideys reply"i know you expected the hurricane but he sold out to the wwe and thats wassup withthat"

[DarkKnightJRK]

Someone asks "Are you Spider-Man?"

Spidey: No, I'm Multiple Man. :rolleyes:

[Mister Sinister]

To the Lizard. "Lets try something of a more different scale."

[The Sand Lion]

Come here spot, come here boy.

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

what if they repeat the same cheesy line from SM1...

Spidey to the Lizard: "It's you who's out Lizzy! Out of your mind!"

:D :D :D

that one was a stinker!

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

what if spidey was african-american...

the lizard bites off a part of spidey's costume,
Spidey: "DAMN ******!"

[Visionary]

Cheesy? But all of Spider-Man's lines from the comics ARE cheesy, yeah, let's make the movie like the comics.

The less BANTER the BETTER.:spidey:

[Silver Sable]

Spidey to Venom: Man, your teeth are so big! Did your mom had an affair with Mr.Ed?

[3dman27]

Cheesy? But all of Spider-Man's lines from the comics ARE cheesy, yeah, let's make the movie like the comics.

The less BANTER the BETTER.:spidey:
i don't know about that

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

im with 3dman27

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Electro vs Spider-Man

Electro tries to fry Spidey, but instead, gets shorted out himself.

Spidey: Shocking... isnt it?

[Stingray]

TO Doc Ock:

"All it takes to be a villian is wearing a backpack? I refuse to be impressed 'til ya shoot ink out your butt."

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

:D :up:

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Parker and MJ are having a deep conversation

MJ: So how would you describe your life?
Peter: Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a comic book

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Venom sneeks up on spidey from behind

Venom: Sssssssssssss....
Spidey: Infatuation is when you think someone's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Do you really think i cover all those catagories???

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Venom and spidey are fighting

Venom: ssssssstop jumping...
Spidey: dude you contradict the statement that humans are smarter then monkeys!

[dos_acoustic]

Lizard is wearing a watch for some reason....the whole conversation is very calm and casual

SM: nice watch did your mom buy that for you
L:No, No she didnt
SM: Oh..........I see it is a....pretty nice watch though
L: yeah it tells time pretty good
SM: yeah thats what they do

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

nice one :up:

[DarkKnightJRK]

Spider-Man is trying to stop Black Cat.

SM: Must...not...look...at...huge...knockers...

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

:D :up: up:

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

Spidey to Venom
"Wait. Scary face, hissy voice, and total disregard for the society... hmmm... ur Marilyn Manson rite?"

[spider-neil]

I'll go first

sandman = here's sand in your eye!!

spidey = stop throwing sand my way I hardly know you

[logan_weapon_x]

terrible :(

[spider-neil]

terrible :(

hey, sue me :P

I'd like spidey to break out in song:

'mr. sandman bring me a dream, make her complextion like peaches and cream'

[Boom]

Just have Spidey call him "Sandy" or "Sandilocks."

Corny? Yes. But it's better than "Gobby."

[spider-neil]

writting wise cracks for doc ock is easy but for sandman it's a little harder

[Spider-fan.]

I'd like to see--

Spidey to Sandman:
"Who let you out of the Blue Lagoon?"

or

"Hey, shouldn't you be collecting seaweed and empty cans or something?"

or

"It's time to send you back into that litter box where you came from"

[Silver Sable]

Mine is corny but here it goes:

Spidey to Sandy-you belong in a beach, not the city

[KingOfDreams]

"Hey, shouldn't you be collecting seaweed and empty cans or something?"


I like that one.

[Odin's Lapdog]

YOu son of a BEACH!!!!


if they use that, i'd watch the film 2 times in a row

[GoldGoblin]

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and
irritating, and it gets everywhere.

[Reikowolf]

*Sandman attacks Spider-Man with ball of sand

Sandman: How about a game of Beach Ball

*Spider-Man covered in sand bursts out and sticks to a wall for safety.

Spidey: "Great.... now you're in my boxers.... does that mean we just?... ewww"


:spidey:

[Agent Thermal]

Spiderman: "Sooooo......'Sandman,' right?"

Sandman (forming giant fists): "Yep."

Spiderman (doing "yawning" motion with hand): "Geez, no wonder I'm going to sleep."

_______________________

Spiderman: "Soooooo.....'Sandman,' right?"

Sandman: "Yep."

Spiderman: "And who's your wife? 'Sand-witch'?"

[Agent Thermal]

YOu son of a BEACH!!!!


if they use that, i'd watch the film 2 times in a row

Oh man.....:D I'm not normally an advocate for near-cussing-word-jokes, but I couldn't help but laugh at that...especially considering the fact that he technically IS a son of the beach! :p :D

I'm not gonna support its use, but I'll give credit where it's due. :up: :D

[Boom]

YOu son of a BEACH!!!!


if they use that, i'd watch the film 2 times in a row
Wow.

That is pure gold.

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and
irritating, and it gets everywhere.
And this is just goddamn funny.

[Head>On<Collider]

He can pick up a broom and wave it at him.

[Odin's Lapdog]

If you wanna become a nudist beach that badly, move to europe

[Odin's Lapdog]

If you need cash that badly, i could get you a part in the beginning sequence of 'Days of our lives'

;)

[Odin's Lapdog]

We need a throw back to grease as well

*spidey turns back to look at sandman*

SANDY????


*camera turns to sandmans feet and moves up his body to see him smoking a ciggarette*

Tell me about it stud....


*music starts*


Spidey: I've got Tingleeeeessss, their multiplying, and i'm looooosing control, cause the danger, your supplying, it's electrifying

fan:actually that's the wrong villain, electros who you mean...

spidey: stfu noob!:o

[spider-neil]

YOu son of a BEACH!!!!


if they use that, i'd watch the film 2 times in a row

:up:

[Bat Brain]

We need a throw back to grease as well

*spidey turns back to look at sandman*

SANDY????


*camera turns to sandmans feet and moves up his body to see him smoking a ciggarette*

Tell me about it stud....


*music starts*


Spidey: I've got Tingleeeeessss, their multiplying, and i'm looooosing control, cause the danger, your supplying, it's electrifying

fan:actually that's the wrong villain, electros who you mean...

spidey: stfu noob!:o

LMAO :D Brilliant

[The Squirrel]

*Sandman attacks Spider-Man with ball of sand

Sandman: How about a game of Beach Ball

*Spider-Man covered in sand bursts out and sticks to a wall for safety.

Spidey: "Great.... now you're in my boxers.... does that mean we just?... ewww"


:spidey:

thats funny.

and so is the Son of Beach

[GoldGoblin]

The Sandman falls onto a picnic basket and a bunch of bread falls on him.Spidey says to him:Now that's a sandwich.

[Arcturus]

"Hey sandman, you suck"

[GoldGoblin]

I think that's a wisecrack there saving for Venom.

[Arcturus]

I think that's a wisecrack there saving for Venom.

Im in disagreement.

[Reikowolf]

I think that's a wisecrack there saving for Venom.


hahaha

funny. :D

[Spidey1885]

Spidey: "You'd better pull yourself together...cause there is NO WAY I'm brooming you up."

[scifiwolf]

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and
irritating, and it gets everywhere.
Very nice.

[AmerikazMostWanted]

spider-man :"Cats poop in you :mad:!"

[Agent Thermal]

Spiderman: "So, you got hit with that blast while on A BEACH? And you didn't become, like, 'Clam-man' or something? Just my luck..."

[fallenAngel]

Spidey: "hey, litter box.........would you hold yourself together."

[Sam Fisher]

I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and
irritating, and it gets everywhere.
Keep George Lucas away from it ok?:D:up:

[Sam Fisher]

"I LOVE playing in sandboxes."

[GoldGoblin]

You need a mint,your breath smells like a litter box.

[TheS4ndman]

i got sand in my pants?

[ApocolypseNow]

black cat (if shes in it) to sandman

Alright, time to dig, squat, and bury

[Sam Fisher]

Hey, don't go in the water

[Yellow Cyclone]

"I can't believe you got put in this movie"

*grabs flame shield*

[TheSaintofKillers]

"Sandman ?? What's next, Frogman ?"

[Sam Fisher]

"Can I have a sandwitch?"

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

MERGE THIS with the existing WISECRACKS Thread:
http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108664&highlight=wisecracks

[dos_acoustic]

Robbing a bank in broad daylight?!?! Thats Sand-Tastic thinking, pal!