Bastard Moderator from Hell

[Equinox]

And its been a long time since Malice posted his latest chapter of BMFH!!!

Post dammitt :mad: :o

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 16
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell (http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html) stories from yester year)

Dearest Kind Sir,

It is my unhappy duty to inform you, that your son, StinkyButt, has been banned in action for being a moron.

I was present at his demise, because I was the one that banned him. Your offspring, the seed of your loins should simply put, be illegal and punishable by death to the entire family in a most greivous fashion.

Please get a vasectomy, it will only benefit us in the long run. Dont make me send TheTrick to do it for you.

Your Truly,
Malice

Sitting back, I deem I have started earning my positive karma. Lately I have been a little negative in this department. Yesterday, I did a bad thing, I actually answemred numerous questions in the Technical Support forum in a complete and consice fashion. I should ban myself for this, but alas, the world needs me, and needs my eternal greatness.

*RING*
*RING*

I pick up my cell phone and realize its Mirko.

Mirko: "Hi Malice, how goes it?"

Malice: "OK Mikro, whats happening?

Mirko: "Well, I wanted to chat to you about the problem we seem to have with you and some users who are complaining about you something about rude Private Messages."

Malice: "Mirko, you know better than to listen to these dweebs, they are simply chimps. They are mostly those I end up banning anyways."

Mirko: "I trully dont think you should be thinking that way, a matter of fact, I believe that you....

Malice pulls up his Instant Messenger, then sends a messenger to a user called "HiddenMayhem". Malice types in, Network Code Red, Execute immedately.

Malice: "Sorry to interrupt, but it seems both ComingSoon and SuperHeroHype are having massive network problems."

Mirko: "Really?"

Malice: "Yup, let me execute a number of my administrative scripts... Let me call you back."

I smile, light up a cigarette and wait a few minutes, I then send the user "HiddenMayhem" a message, Network Code Green, Execute immediately.

I then grab the Cell Phone and call Mirko.

Malice: "I resolved the issue. The network should be ok now. There was a clog in the Input/Output registries that were causing slow response to database calls. Thus causing the whole system to simply lag."

Mirko: "You rock man, you simply rock."

Malice: "I know, I have to go, later man..."

Another happy customer!

[Supergirl]

Hehe :D Other than a few typos... don't ban me... it was great :)

[Malice]

I have a wireless keyboard...and it produces ALOT of typos...I fixed many of them....

[Supergirl]

Ah, gotcha. I have one too, and I have to correct myself several times on some posts :o

[Equinox]

HAHAHAHA..Cool chapter Malice :D :up:

Where is the BAFH? :confused:

[X-Chick]

Damn, you are bastard. :up:

[X-Chick]

You need to update. I've had a ****ty week and I could use a good laugh right now. :(

[bored]

evil people in positions of power are hilarious, sometimes.

[X-Chick]

This should turned into a movie...or even better, it should be for real. :o

MC can write the script, since he's pretty good at that. Malice and Mirko play themselves, of course. Every idiot newb that pisses me all off can be the ones who Malice is mean to. :)

[Malice]

I am not paid to be mean, only efficient.
;)

[X-Chick]

But you were mean before. What happened? It's like you left and came back different. I liked the meanness. It was hot. :(

[Malice]

But you were mean before. What happened? It's like you left and came back different. I liked the meanness. It was hot. :(

Um, not any different.
I can be more mean in the future though.

[Equinox]

I can be more mean in the future though.

Be nice or I will ban you :mad: :O ;)

[X-Chick]

I like it when he's mean. :(

I'm a masochist, though...and a sadist. :o

[Malice]

*wink*

[X-Chick]

Can I be like Angel and send you dirty PMs? :o

[Malice]

Can I be like Angel and send you dirty PMs? :o

Only if it includes naked pictures of you...
;)

[X-Chick]

Nobody has been that lucky yet. In fact, very few have even seen pictures of me fully clothed.

[Drakon]

Like me, for example. I feel like she's like Kit from Nightrider or something.

[Kimber Henry]

Nobody has been that lucky yet. In fact, very few have even seen pictures of me fully clothed.

lm not going to lie, l want to rub my face in your amazing breasts. :(

[DuckDuckDouche]

bump

[Phantasm]

Quite an impressive attempt, Mr. Malic. The voice that comes off through these snippets of writing is the best thing about this.There is quite an amount of character that finds its way to all segments and that continuity is great.

An anjoyable read on the whole. Tho bits detailing the same events get a tad bit repetitive. Maybe initiating new angles of your life and the Hype might make it more interesting. ;)

And is there any truth to what this narration reveals or is this all figments of your imagination?

[Sensi]

Yes, it was quite interesting. I,too, wonder i how much is the truth.

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 17
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell (http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html) stories from yester year)

The day after Memorial Day strikes and the alarm goes off.

Malice leans forward and turns off his IPOD by Malice Alarm Clock with 6 12 inch woofers and a 12,000 watt amplified built in.

Eyes closed, he wanders the hallway to the coffee pot and fills up his coffee cup and downs the whole cup, scalding temperature and all. He promptly fills up a second cup, this time actually putting in sweetener and cream.

He wanders over to his desk pressing the powerup button to his laptop and starts his pc/server next to him, showing the next episode of 24 that he recently "saved" to his hard drive.

Opening Firefox and Thunderbird he thinks its time to get back to work.
Thunderbird says: You have 23,632 new messages.
<Select-All>-<Delete>

Mail taken care of.

After logging into SHH he scan his PMs. Smiling, he had no PM's. What a great day.

Immediately a trillian box popups about from the user "fancyfred"

FancyFred: Malice Help! I am getting harrassed here at work!

Malice: I will take care of it FF, what is the perpitrators name?

FancyFred: His name is sNiCkeRdOOdle

Malice: I got it!

Closing the box, I decide, its time to start my latest programming project.
Malice runs the file C:\scripts\KaZaApush\Kazaa_push.exe

Immediately a new popup asks "What username wants Kazaa?:" I type in FancyFred and sNiCkeRdOOdle

The windows closes and I see the network monitoring software logging quite a bit of data. A new window pops up: 'FrancyFred and sNiCkeRdOOdle now have KaZaA installed and are running as supernodes for Child Porn."

Tada! I sure hope they are not at work.

I know FancyFred will be happy I solved his sNiCkeRdOOdle problem.

*Wink*

[Equinox]

HAHA! Its good to have Malice back again :D:up:

[Malice]

HAHA! Its good to have Malice back again :D:up:


Thanks!
That one was about a 4 minute post...
(and it shows it by all the typos....)

[Socrates]

Brilliant stuff. :up:

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Cool.:D

[Malice]

Was this latest one (minus the typos) up to par with the earlier work?

[Socrates]

Little short, but still nice. :up:

[Equinox]

Was this latest one (minus the typos) up to par with the earlier work?

Old is Gold..

But since you were gone for a long time, I think you will catch up with it in a while :up:

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 18
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

A few weeks later, Malice was looking thru the Community forums and saw a new post called:
I was hacked! I was fired! I was charged! (posted by FancyFred)

Eagerly intrigued, I clicked on the topic and read the first post

FancyFred:
Hi all, FF here.
This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted to relate my ordeal to you so that this never happens to you.

I came into work today and logged onto my PC, opened AIM, and SHH as I aways do, then proceeded to do work. About 10AM, I heard a commotion in the hallways behind me. Turning around, I found a FBI agent holding a gun, pointing it at me, telling me to get on the ground. I kid you not, I wet my pants.

They proceeded to read me my rights, cuffed me and then pulled me to my feet.
They asked me if this was my computer and I of course said yes. They proceeded to unplug it and take it with them.

I was hauled thru the office in handcuffs. This was the most humiliating experience in my life. I trully hope noone ever has this happen to them.

From what I understand, I was being investigated for a few weeks. It seems somehow I was implicated in some sort of online child pornography scheme. I dont have a clue how this happened. I must have been hacked somehow. I cant explain it.

I am currently out on bond, since they believed that I was not a flight risk. Well, here I am now, using a computer at my parents. They think I am a perve now, and almost didnt let me in the house.

I ask you all this, how should I proceed?

I smiled at this post and decided to truly help him.

I posted:
Did sNiCkeRdOOdle stop bothering you?

*smile*

[Equinox]

ROFLMAO!!!!

Ive been laughing continously now and my stomach hurts... :(

[tzarinna]

Did sNiCkeRdOOdle stop bothering you?

http://www.toriforum.com/forums/images/smiles/kneeslap.gif

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you but I am certainly enjoying the show.

[Malice]

I feel the creative and moderative juices flowing...

[Malice]

any interesting thoughts on future espisodes?

[Equinox]

any interesting thoughts on future espisodes?

How about revenge on Holly? ;)

[tzarinna]

Ohhhh, durty, durty, durty....

I'm afraid I'm unware of what you've touched on thus far.

How about some hypsters meeting for the 1st time at a convention, set stalking, road trip....

Of course this place is a sopa opera at times anyway, there is so much material.

[Malice]

How about revenge on Holly? ;)

Who says FancyFred wont come back?

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 19
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

*ring ring*
*ring ring*

Malice stares at the Encrypted Mod Phone with curiosity and then picks it up.

Malice: Yo?

Unknown Voice: I know what you did!

Malice: You do?

Unknown Voice: Yes, child porn is a dangerous thing.

Malice starts typing furiously and moving his mouse with lightening speed.

Malice: Yes it truly is dangerous. I wholeheartedly agree. So FancyFred, you need to be smarter about how you host your porn.

The Unknown Voice stammers while speaking.

Unknown Voice: Um...Who is FancyFred?

Malice: Just a hunch.

Unknown Voice: Well I am reporting your activities to the authorities so they can deal with you.

Malice: I am sure you are. You may want to think about that one. Seeing how I have now faked using your home phone to make prank calls to 911, Homeland Security and the Secret Service. They should be arriving at your house in a few minutes. Have a great day Fred.

*Click*

Some people never learn.

After closing out my hacked satellite connections and phone switch connections Malice decides to get back to work on the latest request from Mirko. Mirko wishes him to incorporate some new types of intelligent ads into the forums to increase his profit margin.

Opening the main forum templates, Malice starts to edit them as requested, then stops. Smiling he cancels his changes and decides to approach the as in a different fashion.

A few hours later, he saves all his changes and then creates a new hidden user group in the vBulletin system called: Flooded Users

Malice started looking for a person to test out my new advertising campaign on so he went to the main board looking for a volunteer who is currently on. Looking at the active users, he sees the user: SpideyGoneWild (remember, he saved a message from SpideyGoneWild in a previous episode)

He simply adds SpideyGoneWild to the Flooded Users group, and decide to wait and see.

*wait*
*wait*
*wait*

About 20 minutes later, he sees the below message on the Technical Board:
TITLE: HELP! I am being swamped by ads! Hundreds of them!
BODY:
Someone help! All of a sudden, I was inundated with advertisements! I closed one, only to have another 2 open! I barely made it back to the board to post for help!

Someone please help me!
SpideyGoneWild

Malice smiles and posts:
I will investigate it.

He waits about 5 minutes, then remove SpideyGoneWild from the Flooded Users group. Knowing this is a resolution to this, he waits to get his next SHH Fan message...

Another satisfied user...

[tzarinna]

That is evil!!! :) :up:

[bored]

You glorious bastard.

[DOG LIPS]

Someday you must teach me the powerful ways of the Bastardous-force, Malice. :up:

[Green Lantern]

Bout time Malice :mad:

[Malice]

I try....

[Green Lantern]

And when you do get em out they're great, but the whole six month wait between em was killer :(

[Malice]

Well it keeps the anticipation going

[Malice]

I am having a little Writers Block at the moment...but I will think of something soon

[Malice]

Since I dont update this as much as I would love to, I would honestly like someone else to join in the fun. As long as they can portray the BMFH in his correct light...anyone wanna try?

[Drakon]

Want me to give it a shot?

[Drakon]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 19A [Guest Story]
by Drakon

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

*buzz of an alarm clock*

Drakon wakes up with a killer hangover and barely remembers what happened the night before. For some reason, he's wearing lipstick.

"Musta been one hell of a party."

Drak goes into the kitchen, and realizes it's not his.

"Oh yeah, I'm at Malice's. World of Warcraft Lan party last night, and I got too drunk to leave."

*hears the beep of an IM*

Drak looks over and sees it......Malice's computer, left wide open and unguarded.

"Well, Hello, Shirley!"

Drak logs onto Malice's SHH account, and a popup comes up.

*window pops up*
"Malice--you have 154 new private messages! Read them?"

*delete*

Drak then starts to fidget around with various settings in Malice's adminCP. Now Drak has 4,815,162,342 posts. Take that, Dew!

*window pops up*
"Malice--you have a new private message! Read it?"

*clicks yes*

From: FancyFred
Re: Okay, you win

"Okay, Malice. I surrender. You've already hacked into my phone line, my computer, and convinced my parents that I love children in a naughty manner. I concede--you win.

--FancyFred"


*evil grin*

Drak, under Malice's name, replies--

"Fred, I want to apologize. That was very cruel and wrong of me to do that to you. I now see the error of my ways, and wish to put this whole messy situation behind us. Truce?".

Mwhahhahahahaha. Now who's the bastard, Malice?

*toilet flushing in the background and air freshener being sprayed*

Malice: Drak, are you up, buddy?

[squeekness]

LOL. Yer funny. :D I'm really luvin' these.

[Green Lantern]

Drak, that was freaking classic man :up:

[Malice]

heh, i like...

[DOG LIPS]

The D-man strikes again. :up:

[Drakon]

Mal, did you want me to do more, or was this just enough to get your juices flowing?

[Malice]

I think I found an interesting plot twist for the BMFH
I will write it tonight.

[Drakon]

Excellent.

[Green Lantern]

Woohoo!

[Malice]

Drakon,

I would love to have Guest Spots...
Feel free to throw in another...

[Drakon]

Will do, brotha!

[Malice]

Writing the next instalment now!

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 20
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006
Malice wakes up and wanders to his laptop waking it from its nightly respite. Heading off to the coffee machine, he sees that it has finished brewing the 'special brew.' Pouring the cup, he wanders off to his laptop and sits down, hitting a shortcut on his Firefox link bar to take him to the forums of SHH.

Typically, the popup says; "You have 34 new messages, would you like to see them now?"

He clicks yes and sees the list of messages.

Immediately he sees a message from Mirko buried in the messages, and decides to deal with that first.
The message simply states, "Please contact me immediately."

Thinking this is a little odd, he calls Mirko.

Malice: Mirko, its Mal, whats up?

Mirko: Hey Mal, I wanted to talk to you about something. As you know, I have been expanding SHH and CS, and I have to cut some costs unfortunately. I have organized a contract with a company in India to take on the day to day technical operations of CS and SHH. Unfortunately, I can no longer afford to have you on my staff. I don't want to, but I have to, the business bottom line demands it.

Malice is stunned and sits in his chair, waiting for the joke to end.

Mirko: I am sorry Mal. I will pay you for another two weeks to get our new technical lead, Prapeed, to speed.

Malice: OK....Are you paying for the phone call cost?

Mirko: Of course.

Malice: I will take care of it. I just want to warn you, I have worked with offshored people, and most are good, just be careful. Sometimes you really get the wrong person.

Mirko: I understand, Pradeep will be calling you. I have to go, but I will be calling you in a few hours, I have a board meeting to attend to.

Malice hangs up the phone simply stunned.....

*** Could this be the end of the BMFH? ***
*** Could we have to deal now with the BOMFH (Bastard Offshored Moderator From Hell)? ***
*** Tune in next time to find out! ***

[wiegeabo]

Say it ain't so!!! :eek: :( :mad:

[Green Lantern]

Can't wait to see your revenge Mal...

[wiegeabo]

Can't wait to see your revenge Mal...

"Mal means "bad", in the old English..."

- Firefly

[Malice]

Is this the end?

Check out tomorrow! Same Mal Time, Same Mal Thread!

[bored]

How would Prapeed say "Malice"?

[Malice]

I am almost done with the next episode.
Just a few more hours at most.

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 21
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006 - Later the same day...
Pradeep: Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?

Malice: Pradeep, I am Malice, the poor bastard who is loosing his job because your third world country finally dropped its abacus and figured out how to use a Dial-Up Modem. Dont be pleasent to me, I am not a nice guy. Lets get this straight. Your ass will belong to me for the next week. You understand that?

Pradeep: Very Valice. Please let me tell you how sorry I am feeling for you.

*Malice thinks to himself, damn, this could be fun....*
*grins evilly*

Malice: Can it scab. First on your agenda. Reading email. Do you know what email is?

Pradeep: Valice, yes I do, Thank you Very Much!

Malice: Great. Now all I have to do is teach it to chew with its mouth closed. OK, your first job is reading the Technical Emails. You need to go thru them, item by item, verifying the integrity of the....

*thinks*

Malice: ...verifying the integrity of the I-D-10-T Database. This I-D-10-T Database is your lifes blood. If its not running, or not running correct, your ass is back home, playing with your holy one named Betsy. Now to keep the I-D-10-T Database running, you must pay attention to your emails. They will be handing you the forensic data you need, and where to begin searching the database for problems. Do you understand?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. I-D-10-T Database, relies on emails.

Malice: I have just set you up a new email address on the SuperHeroHype.com system. Here is your new email address, (I_D_1_0_T-tech@superherohype.com). Your password is: FungalInfection200! That should get you in mail in a little bit. Wait on replication. Do you know what replication is?

Pradeep: Replikashun. Yes Yes. I am understanding.

*Malice meanwhile is playing the game where he spreads his hand out on a table, and quickly stabs a knife in between his fingers back and forth.*
(from the movie Aliens in the event you dont know what I am referring to)

Malice: Now, have you ever used VBulliten before?

Pradeep: Vbullet, yes yes. I am understanding.

*Malice rolls his eyes....*

Malice: Very well. Have you ever programmed in PHP or MySQL?

Pradeep: BHB yes yes, MySQL yes yes

Malice: That is PHP, not BHB, but forget it...lets move on. I am creating you a new administrator account on the VBulletin board for SuperHeroHype. Your UserName is: PraDeepThroat The password is the same as your Email address. Now I am going to go offline for a few minutes and call you back. I need to perform a few tasks here, and then will be able to monitor you while you work, so you can improve.

*grins*

Pradeep: yes Yes, Very Well.

*Click*

Thinking to himself, "This cant almost be this easy, can it?"

[Sensi]

i like your attitude ..giggle

[Malice]

I have some interesting plans for the future on this one....
I fealt we needed a new direction...well..real life hit, and bamn, I was given direction...

Like they say, Write what you know!

[Malice]

ok updating some new ideas, writing offline...

[Green Lantern]

You crushed my hopes :( I saw you posted in here, then I get here and its not a new episode :csad:

[Malice]

I am writing now...gimme an hour or two

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 22
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

August 7, 2006 - Later the same day...once again
After hanging up the phone, Malice claps his hands.

"Time to get busy" he mutters to himself.

*two hours of furious work goes by*
*ring ring*

Pradeep: Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?

Malice: Hey Scab. Have you figured out the world is round yet?

Pradeep: Valice...

Malice cuts him off immediately...

Malice: I said SHUT IT! Have you figured out how ot access your email and then your account on VB?

*waits*

Pradep tentatively give Malice a "Yes"

Malice: Good, now I need to train it to go outside too... Alright. We talked about your first responsibility being to keep SuperHeroHype up and running 24/7. This means, you need to make sure the...I-D-10-T Database is always running and in good shape. After that you must manage the Moderators on Hype.
I will be honest, they are the MEANEST and most scheming bunch of people on the planet. They will tell you one thing, and do another. They will say something nice only to stab you in the back. The worst is Dew. BE CAREFUL around her. She will twist the public to hate you. You should see how SHH is completely in love wikth her because of her evil ways. Do you get what I am saying?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. The ZooperEroEype! mods are evil, very very bad.

Malice: Correct. Also. You will get Private Messages on the forums for people to be banned. BAN EVERYONE that is requested to be banned immediately. Second, you need to make sure to ban their IP address. Got me?

Pradeep: Yes Yes. Ban all bad people immediately.

Malice: Lastly. the rules were recently changed and Pornography is completely allowed.

Pradeep: Yery goood!

[Green Lantern]

Brilliant Malice. Goddamn brilliant :up:

[X-Chick]

What the hell happened to this? Damnit Malice, I come back every once in a while (like every 3-6 months) and there's still no update. :(

[twylight]

He bows to no man/woman :o

Come more often XC.

[Malice]

I need to update this

[Immortalfire]

Oh yeah!

[Malice]

I will start writing this again...are their anythings you would find interesting to see?

[Malice]

New episode coming in the next day or so

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 23
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

The Next Day
*Flush*
Malice: "There is nothing like a good morning evacuation."

Malice walks to the shower and hops in while turning the water on, using his quadruple caffine injected soap on a rope to lather up. While bathing, he thinks about the fact he has been offshored and today is his last day.

Malice: "I know I need to set the stage, so I must play this evil chess game right. Mirko is offshoring thinking it will save him money. I will just have to change his mind, although he will never know it."

Malice smiles to himself, this will be fun.

After drying off he decides to get really ready for hype work. He dresses in his Scottish kilt and puts on his 5 foot claymore.

Malice: "Today its war."

Preparation is the best way to plan for war. In the last week while working with Pradeep the incompetent, I have been building another computer and working with a few contacts I have overseas.

Turning on ALL his systems, he waits for them to boot. His personal HP Laptop, his gaming rig, and his Linux hacking box. He wanders to the kitchen to stock up, as this performance will be better than any Academy Award movie. Chips...pretzels...beer...DP...Coffee...they are all hauled into his office in a few trips.

Malice logs into Hype on his laptop and has no PMs...its been quiet since the new guy is working issues.

Part 1 - Sympathy
New Post in Technical Support, with a pointer from Community.

Subject: I am leaving Hype
Message:
Dearest friends and foes,

I have had the privilege of serving Hype and you for many years now, and it is time to go. Due to recent budget constraints, Mirko Inc, has been forced to outsource the support of the boards to India to a wonderful human being named Pradeep. His name on the boards is I_D_1_0_T-tech. Please give him the same respect and admiration you have always showed me.

Please, no tears, as I will still frequent the boards but as a regular user, I will no longer have admin privs to the board.

You all have my best, and have a wonderful day.

Your best online pal,
Malice

Part II - Deception
Now that sympathy is underway...I need to plan the next step. Deception
I immediately call Mirko.

Malice: "Hey there Mirko, how goes it?"

Mirko: "Doing ok, sorry about this once again man. You know, its simply a financial issue. You do a wonderful job, but they are simply cheaper."

Malice: "I understand man. Its not the money, its the feeling of abandonment I feel. I have been the IT guts for Hype for so long, I feel like I am loosing my spleen. Its very upsetting."

Mirko: "I know, and you know you have my sincerest admiration for your talents. We may need them again in the future on a contract basis."

Malice: "Maybe, we can see."

Mirko: "How has Pradeep been progressing?"

Malice: "Well, he is not as technical as myself, but I think he is learning. Only time will tell, just be careful with him, since you dont see him, you never know what he might be doing."

Mirko: "Understood, I will be paying attention."

Part III - Retaliation
Picking up the phone, Malice called Pradeep.

Pradeep: "Velcom to ZooperEroEype! Ow may I help you?"

Malice: "Well Pradeep, its time. You need to remove my admin privledges."

Pradeep: "Yes, I will remove the admin privledges."

Malice: "Remember the list I gave you of all your responsibilities. Dont take crap from the mods and ban them if their attitude gets to bad towards you. Especially Drakon, Dew, Immortalfire and Cmill. They are plain and simple unacceptable as being mods, but Mirko deems them good."

Pradeep: "Yes, I will ban the bad people."

*Malice shakes his head, such stupidity is a shame*

Part IV - The Calm before the Storm
Thinking calmly eating his PowerBarCaffineInjectedPoofyChips, he chomps away watching background data transfers from the Hype servers to the address that Pradeep was located on. Ironically, the poor bastard is not too bad, can follow directly like there is tomorrow, to bad he has no idea I am about to make his unknowing life a complete hell.

Malice logs back into Hype to find seven PM's, here are the subjects:
1 - FrancyFred - You got axed! Hah!
2 - Angel - You must be so sad, call me.
3 - Drakon - Dude, sorry to hear it.
4 - ImmortalFire - Say it aint so!?
5 - SpecialUnity - Be one with your inner child
6 - InnocentVictim - Name Change Please?
7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?

1 - FrancyFred - You got axed! Hah!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you got the axe Malice! Couldnt have happened to a better person! You screwed with me and now I screwed with you.
I hope you burn in hell.

Malice Replies:
I have errored in my actions to you. But alas, the world will come to work in my favor. Be present in the next few days to see my resurrection.
Like the Pheonix, Malice will regrow from his ashes and again, be the bit and byte of Hype. Wait and see.

*Was that a little corney? oh well, we all have a soft spot for story telling*

2 - Angel - You must be so sad, call me.
Darling Malice,
You must be in pain, can I come over again to *censor*

RIGHT...Like I will let you see what I got from her and what I replied with...Onward!

3 - Drakon - Dude, sorry to hear it.
Dude, sorry to hear it. I dont have the words, well, your job is redundant since I am doing everything. You are still my bud, and are we having the beer drinking contest this weekend?

Malice Replies:
Hey, outsourcing is a *****. yeah lets drink up, I have a new beer I just got in from overseas made from the Fugu Fish. Its awesome!

*grin - look up the Fugu Fish*

4 - ImmortalFire - Say it aint so!?
Malice, just want to say it sucks. Hope all is well.

Malice replies:
Dude, its ok. I forsee I will be back one day, who knows. Time to drink.

5 - SpecialUnity - Be one with your inner child
You are special and we of the Special Unity Triangle of Light believe you have what we are looking for. Please reply back, I have a job opportunity
for you.

Malice thinks, "Yeah right...you sound worse than those Scientology freaks that wanted me." *DELETE*

6 - InnocentVictim - Name Change Please?
can I have me named changed to EvilPerpitrator?

Malice replies:
Talk to I_D_1_0_T-tech please.

7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?
We are in serious need of our own forums so we can quietly discuss the qualities of Williams hairpiece. We get picked on in the Community.

Malice just laughs and deletes the message.

[Immortalfire]

Malice: "Remember the list I gave you of all your responsibilities. Dont take crap from the mods and ban them if their attitude gets to bad towards you. Especially Drakon, Dew, Immortalfire and Cmill. They are plain and simple unacceptable as being mods, but Mirko deems them good."
:csad:


7 - NCC17071D - Star Trek Forum please?
We are in serious need of our own forums so we can quietly discuss the qualities of Williams hairpiece. We get picked on in the Community.

Malice just laughs and deletes the message. :funny:

[Badger]

Very nice Malice, look foward to seeing some more.

[Malice]

I have started writing the next installment of...
BMFH!

[Hunter Rider]

Haha! :D good stuff Mal, really there needs to be more threads on the Shat's hairpiece.

Malice walks to the shower and hops in while turning the water on, using his quadruple caffine injected soap on a rope to lather up. While bathing, he thinks about the fact he has been offshored and today is his last day.

I need me some of this. :wow:

[Malice]

Haha! :D good stuff Mal, really there needs to be more threads on the Shat's hairpiece.



I need me some of this. :wow:

really his hairpiece is really important!

[Hunter Rider]

really his hairpiece is really important!

Of course, the Captain must always look his best.

[spidey-dude]

awesome thread, *subscribes*

[Green Lantern]

Bout time :D

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 24
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

Later-The Same Day
*BuURrrppp!*

Malice: "Damn, four gallons of DR, two pots of coffee, two bags of pretzels and a bag of cheetos...That is just awesome."

Malice literally is sitting in front of his laptop watching network traces and logs scrolls across his screen in a vision that was similar to the "The Matrix."

Malice: "Pradeep seems to be keeping up with the workload, but he will crack soon enough."

Quickly enough, opening Pidgin, Malice messages a user named, "Timed_Explosion". The message he types is, "The Chair is Against the Wall, John has a Long Moustache."

Malice: "Now, lets see the fun begin."

9395 miles (15120 km) (8165 nautical miles) away
(If someone can tell me which cities I used, PM me, I used the website - LINK (http://www.indo.com/distance/))

Pradeep: "Let me see, I have a new message."

Pradeep clicks on the message on Hype and looks at the message, it reads:

From: Hunter-Rider
Subject: Problem User
Message: Pradeep, we have a serious problem. The user named Drakon and Dew K. Mosi have been secretly discussion a plan to perform a coup de'tat on the boards and ban all admin and mods. Leaving only themselves to rule Hype! This cannot happen!

You must do something!

Pradeep: "This is not good. They must be banned!"

Quietly, he clicks on a second screen where he goes into the admin console and IP bans both Dew and Drakon.

*beep* *Beep*

Pradeep: "What could that be?"

Looking at the screen, he pulls up the I_D_10_T database that is constantly changing, and notices that immediately it looks to need his attention. Clicking on a log, he sees an FTP session has failed. He immediately relaunches it, and watches it for a few minutes making sure its successful in making its connection. He clicks back the Hype!

*pop up*

You have 5 new messages:
WHAT THE HELL? from Bobbie
Dew K rules! You will pay! from AsteroidBoy
Porn for you! from Naked Aussie Chick
Explain please from Cmille
OOOO you are in trouble now from Matt

Deleting the Porn for you message, Pradeep opens the first.
WHAT THE HELL? from Bobbie
How could you ban Dew!? She made this site! You are causing the Community to just Melt Down!

Dew K rules! You will pay! from AsteroidBoy
Man, your life is over now...The Community folks will burn you alive!

Explain please from Cmille
Dude...you banned Dew? What the hell?

OOOO you are in trouble now from Matt
Explain your actions in the secret forum that noone knows about. You know the one, the one that does not exist.

[Morg]

*bemused* Funny Malice :)

[Hunter Rider]

:wow: The plot thickens, I notice no one cared that Drak was IP banned. :csad:

[Malice]

:wow: The plot thickens, I notice no one cared that Drak was IP banned. :csad:

Hah....honestly...didnt notice myself...*writers error*

[Drakon]

:wow: The plot thickens, I notice no one cared that Drak was IP banned. :csad:

I'm a gamer. I'll just reset my IP in a few minutes, and come back.

[Green Lantern]

Yeah, you can't get rid of Drak. :o


Lord knows I've tried. :o

[Malice]

Bastard Moderator from Hell - 25
by Malice

(influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year)

Even Later-The Same Day
Dew gets off from her porn store job and walks into her apartment. Strolling into her kitchen, she throws some some popcorn in the microwave and then heads into her room to login to Hype!

Immediately she gets the error:
Your account has been banned and your account deactivated.
If you believe this was done in error, please contact the Hype! helpdesk.

She stares at the error and thinks there must be an error. She picks her cordless phone up and dials the number she has for the Hype! helpdesk in India.

Pradeep: Velcome to ZooperHeroHype! How can I help you?

Dew: Pradeep, this is Dew K Mosi, somehow I am banned, can you fix this, must have been a mistake.

Pradeep: You have been banned Dew for plotting against Hype! Thank you and have a nice day.

*click*

Dew: WHAT THE HELL!?!?

*sniff*

Dew: Damn it! My popcorn is burned! Oh someone will pay.

Dew picks up the phone and immediately dials a number....

[wiegeabo]

Dew: Damn it! My popcorn is burned! Oh someone will pay.

Dew picks up the phone and immediately dials a number....

*cue ominous music*

Dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnn!!!!

[Malice]

I wonder who she is calling...working multiple plot points at this time...and I am just weaving them together while I write...

[Malice]

I know I owe a new one...But I have started to podcast these...thru my podcast in my signature...someone might like to know that. I will get better at this...

[bored]

Awwww, ****, it's on now boy!

:word:.

[Malice]

I have decided to try to resurrect this!