Does it matter how many sexual partners your girlfriend/boyfriend has had before you?

[Golgo-13]

I have been married for 4 years now, and everythings cool. Sometimes i wonder though how many sexual partners my wife has had before she met me. I want to ask but i'm scarred if she tells me a really high number, it'll make me look at her differently.

What if the number is over 50..is that too much?

I've been with a lot of women well before i met my wife. Some i remember by name, some were one night stands, so i don't remember their names but the number is not over 100.

Is there a cut off number where your talking with a chick or a guy that you like, and you just have to say 'NO', because their sexually history book is way too thick?

[Wiseman]

I don't ask most girls I date how many guys they have been with. Once you're out of high school crap like that doesn't really matter. At least it shouldn't. Besides, chances are I've been with more girls then they've been with guys anyway so it'd be hypocritical of me to let someones past get in the way of our relationship

[Dr.Fear]

i think it does, thats why i like virgins more. anything more then 5 would just creep me out

[Childlike Wild]

Um, if a guy was a virgin I'd be tempted to forget him. Does that count?

[Wiseman]

i think it does, thats why i like virgins more. anything more then 5 would just creep me out

Are you serious? Man, I would've missed out on some of the best sexual experiences of my life if I thought like that

[THWIP*]

IT DEPENDS ON HOW LONG YOU WANT TO LIVE. :o

[Golgo-13]

But what if she said a number like 66, or something. What if everytime you walk down the street together some guy saids, "oh yeah i hit that too". Or like in the movie office "make sure you wear a rubber dude".

You have the right to know if your girl is/or used to be a nympho-partying maniac, don't you?

[Dr.Fear]

Are you serious? Man, I would've missed out on some of the best sexual experiences of my life if I thought like that
yeah im serious.

[Dr.Fear]

Um, if a guy was a virgin I'd be tempted to forget him. Does that count?
what do umean forget him is he was a virgin?? you dont like guys who are virgins??

[terry78]

I think girls don't want guys that are virgins, whereas guys want girls that are. The girls want a dude that has exp. where some of the guys want girls that don't, so we can "teach them some things", as it were.

[Wiseman]

But what if she said a number like 66, or something. What if everytime you walk down the street together some guy saids, "oh yeah i hit that too". Or like in the movie office "make sure you wear a rubber dude".

You have the right to know if your girl is/or used to be a nympho-partying maniac, don't you?

Oh, I can tell. I don't need a number. And that's fine, I usually know what I'm getting into with every relationship so it's not like it's a big shock to me. Besides, the girls that are the biggest whores also tend to be the ones that have low self-esteem so they'll let you have 3 somes with their best friends and forgive you if you accidentally have sex with their sister or cousin

[Childlike Wild]

what do umean forget him is he was a virgin?? you dont like guys who are virgins??
I'd prefer experience. :confused:

[Dr.Fear]

I think girls don't want guys that are virgins, whereas guys want girls that are. The girls want a dude that has exp. where some of the guys want girls that don't, so we can "teach them some things", as it were.
im still a virgin, does that mean ill be alone??

[danielisthor]

Don't ask it man, if you don't like the answer, i get the feeling it will probably eat you alive. You ask that question and you don't like the answer, you might as well head down to a divorce lawyer before she does. Because it will probably ruin your marriage.

[Golgo-13]

Most couples have unprotected sex, knowing your mates sexually history is a smart thing in this AIDS/STD infested world.

[Venice]

My friend has had like...25 partners, she's 19. She's definatly a mega****.

[Wiseman]

My friend has had like...25 partners, she's 19. She's definatly a mega****.

Can I have her number?

[Venice]

Sure, if you want gonorrhea.

[Wiseman]

Sure, if you want gonorrhea.

Hmm. Freaky sex, gonorrhea, freaky sex, gonorrhea......ah f**k it, that's a risk I'm willing to take

[Dr.Fear]

Hmm. Freaky sex, gonorrhea, freaky sex, gonorrhea......ah f**k it, that's a risk I'm willing to take
thats just sad

[Wiseman]

thats just sad

It was a joke, get over it :rolleyes:

[TheSumOfGod]

As long as they're all human, then there's no problem. But if you find out that your girlfriend once did a german shepherd, you might have to sit down with her and talk about it.

[Wiseman]

As long as they're all human, then there's no problem. But if you find out that your girlfriend once did a german shepherd, you might have to sit down with her and talk about it.

Why? That's kinky. I'd ask if she made a tape

[danielisthor]

As long as they're all human, then there's no problem. But if you find out that your girlfriend once did a german shepherd, you might have to sit down with her and talk about it.


i think some of you have missed the point that he is talking about his wife, not a girlfriend.

[DarkKnightJRK]

As long as she doesn't have any dieseses or anything, I probably wouldn't really mind how many partners she's had in the past.

[Odin's Lapdog]

I think rather than asking such a question, the same basic answer can be achieved by asking her in general what type of relationships she's had in the past and by also asking what her longest relationship was before she met you (or even including yourself if you haven't been married that long)

a better insight into someone can be gained by asking these questions.

just asking for a figure may be a little harsh. Besides, everything you ask somone, they have the right to ask it from you also, and i make it a rule to never ask somone something that i wouldn't be able to answer myself, keeps my concious clean(ish) at night:o

[Golgo-13]

What if your wife showed up on some sleezy internet site being gang banged by an entire college fraternity, what then 'oh yea that seem to be missing my point'?

[Zarathi]

If your number of partners(x) cosine divided by four(4) is less than three quarters, one sixth(1/6) your mates sextual partners(y) then yes

would be amused if any one tried applying this

[Dr.Fear]

If your number of partners(x) cosine divided by four(4) is less than three quarters, one sixth(1/6) your mates sextual partners(y) then yes

would be amused if any one tried applying this
lmao wtf????

[Dr.Fear]

What if your wife showed up on some sleezy internet site being gang banged by an entire college fraternity, what then 'oh yea that seem to be missing my point'?
at least i know what ui do on ur spare time and that would be ****ed up i think ill divorce her .

[Kaleb]

I wouldnt mind it as long as she is clean and wouldnt constantly bring up her prevous relationships up during conversation all the time (i.e well eddie worked in a bank and got 10 weeks holiday , or yours is fine however Jim's one was slightly bigger :( )

[Dew k. Mosi]

it depends more on WHO not How many to me. If it is just one, but she was a skank, then I would be hesitant

[Superman20]

you all say **** like its a bad thing

[BK]

As long as she doesn't have any dieseses or anything, I probably wouldn't really mind how many partners she's had in the past.
Don't forget about her "looseness" too. :o

[Superman20]

Don't forget about her "looseness" too. :o

its like slipping on a used condom that has been in the shower and therefore supposedly clean

[Wiseman]

Condoms, who the hell uses condoms :confused:

[Superman20]

Condoms, who the hell uses condoms :confused:

*coughidocough*

[Wiseman]

oh, ok.......well good luck with that :up:

[Matt]

Long answer, no with a but...

short answer yes with a period.

[Zarathi]

Condoms, who the hell uses condoms :confused:

Everyone should,
If your not,
You best be making sure the person is clean,
But just because they say they are,
Doesnt make it so,
Remember that when you contract an STI

[Wiseman]

Everyone should,
If your not,
You best be making sure the person is clean,
But just because they say they are,
Doesnt make it so,
Remember that when you contract an STI

It's a lot more rare to contract an std then your school scared you into believing.

[Zarathi]

It's a lot more rare to contract an std then your school scared you into believing.


Depends what type of people you are sleeping with,
And as the saying goes,
A ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure

[Wiseman]

Depends what type of people you are sleeping with,
And as the saying goes,
A ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure

True

[War Lord]

I think it's better not to know about your spouse's past unless it's highly relevant to your relationship. It's more important on how they act within the relationship than prior to when they met you.

[Superman20]

Depends what type of people you are sleeping with,
And as the saying goes,
A ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure

du'h, women and children can be careless but not men, now, set a meeting with the tattaglia family

[Zarathi]

du'h, women and children can be careless but not men, now, set a meeting with the tattaglia family


Right-o?

[Oerwinde]

I'd prefer experience. :confused:

Oh sure, he wants the job but needs experience, but to get experience he needs the job. Typical.


:p

Anyway, I usually don't care unless its a horribly high number. Like this one chick I almost got with, slept with 21 guys in less than a year. Thats a tad much.

[Childlike Wild]

To get experience he really just needs alcohol and a ****. :confused:

[Orko Is King]

"Ho, you looser than MC Hammer's pants."

"Ho, when I eat you out, there's an echo."

"Ho, when we we do it, it feels like I'm putting my dick in the grand canyon."

[War Lord]

"Ho, when I eat you out, there's an echo."

"Ho, when we we do it, it feels like I'm putting my dick in the grand canyon."

I remember that infamous comment Ted Danson, when he was going out with Whoopi, about how having sex with a black woman was like parking in a three door garage (or something like that).

I also remember on SNL, in regards to that comment, one of the SNL players (a tall, pretty black woman - name forgotten) remarked that perhaps he was trying to park in that garage with a Honda Civic.

[Nero_Ordin]

it matters because you never know what partner has been through. my exgirlfriend had an abortion because she got pregant from some jackass i knew. i had to accept it because i really liked her. she said she did it alot because she like it.

i guess it kind of does matter but doesn't if you really care about them.

[BK]

I remember that infamous comment Ted Danson, when he was going out with Whoopi, about how having sex with a black woman was like parking in a three door garage (or something like that).

I also remember on SNL, in regards to that comment, one of the SNL players (a tall, pretty black woman - name forgotten) remarked that perhaps he was trying to park in that garage with a Honda Civic.
http://photobucket.com/albums/v132/Dex4788/Smilies/Laughing/th_006.gif (http://photobucket.com/albums/v132/Dex4788/Smilies/Laughing/?action=view&current=006.gif)

[Golgo-13]

What if everybody in town has taken a ride on your girls 'super wagon' and you don't find out until later on?

What if you read her diary, and she has documented every nasty sexual act she has ever done, Including one time being video taped and may possibly be on some internet site?

What if your girl used to be a groupie, hooker or the girl the entire football team had after every championship game. Does it matter then?

[Morg]

Nope, it doesn't matter to me just so long she still isn't seeing someone else while I'm dating her :mad:

[Spider-Fett]

Nope not really. I've been with a girl who I was her first time (and she was mine), a girl who has only been with two guys, a girl who has been with three guys, a girl who has been with only one guy and a girl who has been with like 15 guys.

One thing I've learned, it's never the same. It's the same process but there are details that change, different things that turn her on etc.

But then again I've always prefered quality to quantity. :-)

[Ultimate_Superman]

Yes it does matter to me.

[Spider-Fett]

What if everybody in town has taken a ride on your girls 'super wagon' and you don't find out until later on?

What if you read her diary, and she has documented every nasty sexual act she has ever done, Including one time being video taped and may possibly be on some internet site?

What if your girl used to be a groupie, hooker or the girl the entire football team had after every championship game. Does it matter then?


It would matter, but not because she had a lot of partners. It would matter because she would seem prone to cheat.

[Ultimate_Superman]

My thing is it would matter to me and the real question is how many times was it unprotected sex.

[Ultimate_Superman]

I mean say your mate had like 66 partners and about 30 of the guys didn't use a condom would it still not matter to you? Thats why I would prefer not to know a thing.

[tomahawk53]

It used to matter to me when I was younger but now I don't ask. And if I think she's about to bring it up I always say "Don't ask me and I won't ask you." That usually works.

The reason I no longer care is because when I did care I found out that 99% of them lie about it anyway.

[tomahawk53]

I mean say your mate had like 66 partners and about 30 of the guys didn't use a condom would it still not matter to you? Thats why I would prefer not to know a thing.

I would use protection of course. And since it is a high number and most were unprotected I'd ask that she have an STD and AIDS test. If she's my girlfriend she'd understand why.

[Ahura Mazda]

Foir me it would not matter except for anything that could be relevant for the relationship today - that is anything risky for me; and for people close to me

[Sandman138]

du'h, women and children can be careless but not men, now, set a meeting with the tattaglia family

Tattaglia is a pimp. :o

[Erzengel]

I have been married for 4 years now, and everythings cool. Sometimes i wonder though how many sexual partners my wife has had before she met me. I want to ask but i'm scarred if she tells me a really high number, it'll make me look at her differently.

What if the number is over 50..is that too much?

I've been with a lot of women well before i met my wife. Some i remember by name, some were one night stands, so i don't remember their names but the number is not over 100.

Is there a cut off number where your talking with a chick or a guy that you like, and you just have to say 'NO', because their sexually history book is way too thick?
The issue of STD's is a seperate topic on it's own. But let's say for now that the girl or guy has been tested and everything turns out fine.

What if she was over 50? Would you get mad when you have been with as many girls?

Barring the high numbers, I don't think the number of people someone sleeps with should come into effect. A girl or guy could be 30 and been with 2 people a year since they were 18 that's 24 is that really a lot of you think about? Like I said though, barring STD's and such.

Let me give another example. 25 year old girl who's been with 15 guys and then you have a 26 year old guy who's only been with 1 girl. Should it matter she slept with more guys than his one girl? No. Does it matter though to him? Most of the time Yes.

I shouldn't even turn this into a boy vs. girl thing because I think this covers most of the spectrum. I think most people are so insecure about themselves they feel they are lacking in experience that they might not be enough for the other person. But what they forget is those experiences, even if they regret or think they are wrong were their mistakes to make and it shaped them to become who they are now. And the person is the one they fell in love with. Sometimes people let their pride interfere which would only lead to regret.

[Sandman138]

As to the question: I don't see what all the fuss is about with whether your partner is a virgin or not. I guess it comes down to how you equate sex with love. I could see somebody feeling that if their partner has had alot of previous sexual encounters, then maybe their love making is somehow less special. However, I beleive that sex and love are seperate entities that can walk hand in hand (yeah that's one ****ty alagory but, hey, I don't really care). Do you love your partner? Does your partner love you? I think that matters alot more than who or how many people your partner might have slept with in the past.

[Golgo-13]

Bump.

Relevant?

Yes.

It's valentines day.

What better news on V-Day, than to hear your S.O has been around the block...several times! :D

[Canadian Rider]

No. Simple answer for me. It doesn't matter.

[Golgo-13]

Even if it was in the hundreds, and everytime the two of you walked down the street together, your S.O gets looks from other's like.... 'I've hit that already'....?

[Master Chief]

I'd rather be with a former **** than a current liar.

So as long as all her banging was done in the past,

it's all goooooooooood boooooooyeeeeeeeeeeee.

[heypapajinx]

i think that everyone likes to pretend that they are "above" the past. but no one really is.
like Chris Rock says, "no matter how many they say, it's too much for you!".
that's why i'd rather "don't ask, don't tell".
ignorance is truly bliss.

[B.A. Baracus]

Personally for me it does matter, i dont want to know the woman i'm dating has been round the block loads of times.

I suppose to me it's a respect issue about her respecting herself. But thats just me.

[Erzengel]

Wow, even back then I was effing smart.

[Marx]

Yet another random thread bump...

[B.A. Baracus]

I know, your welcome.

[Dark Guardian]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.

[Marx]

I know, your welcome.

:dry:

[knowsbleed]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.

Why does it upset you so much? Because you were not the first person to do that to her? Or is the reason leaning more towards your fears that she might do that again in the future? When you say you are a an extremely protective boyfriend, and then you state that you're really upset about your girlfriend's breasts being fondled by her ex-boyfriend, it sounds like you're being a little possessive about something you had no control over due to the fact that you two weren't even together. At least she told you the truth (hopefully).

[Spider-Who?]

The issue of STD's is a seperate topic on it's own.

No its not. When in comes to having sex and the numbers of partners a person has had, STDs are a very important part of the topic. The more people you've slept with, the higher chance of catching something.

[Erzengel]

No its not. When in comes to having sex and the numbers of partners a person has had, STDs are a very important part of the topic. The more people you've slept with, the higher chance of catching something.
You have to take that sentence in context to my whole diatribe. The subject was acceptance or rejection of a bf/gf based on the number of sexual partners they had. Actually, I thought I covered it in the 2nd sentence. :huh:

[B.A. Baracus]

:dry:

I'm bored of seeing the same old threads each day on the hype, there used to be some really interesting discussions going on (i'm not saying there are none now, just less) so i went looking for stuff that interested me rather than trolling and opening loads of new threads.

[Visceral]

Openess and honesty are important to me.

It would matter if she held something back from me. Not knowing might become a problem in the future. Tho it would not matter to me, I doubt I would ever really be surprised.

[kane9321]

hell yes it matters...ALOT

[Yurka]

If its over 10 then I'm out. Every girlfriend I've ever had have had under 8, I've been dating my college girlfriend for 4 years now. The idea of over 50, let alone 20 is just disgusting to me. No offense to anyone here.

[knowsbleed]

You people who say it matters... why exactly does it matter to you?

[Colossal Spoons]

Nobody likes being #45039 and you know it

[Anubis]

It's something you don't really want to know. So it's best not to ask.

[The Question]

I don't see why it should matter. A relationship, any kind of relationship, is about the connection that has grown between two people. Why should the sexual activity of each person befor they even met, or before their relationship reached that point, matter?

[knowsbleed]

I actually don't mind a woman who has had their fair share of sexual partners before me. If they have been with quite a few people and they choose to stay with me, then I must be doing something right.

[DorkyFresh]

haven't read anything in this thread yet, but it reminds of me Dante from Clerks...hehe

"How many d**** have you sucked??!!!"

[BillPardy]

In my experience usually the girl asks "Do you want to know?" and I usually respond with "Have you done anything with kids or animals?"
They reply "Ew! NO!"
"Then who cares."

[BillPardy]

haven't read anything in this thread yet, but it reminds of me Dante from Clerks...hehe

"How many d**** have you sucked??!!!"


I thought Chasing Amy personally.

[chaseter]

I would say more than 10 is pretty off putting as well. I wouldn't mind 5 or 6 but if she says 25...gonna cut her loose. So, I would rather not know and I doubt I would ask in the first place.

[Erzengel]

I use to think the same way but as you get older, it doesn't matter for the most part. I mean if you are in your late 20s and you met an awesome girl, would you really dismiss her for stuff she did when she was in college. And yeah it's like Chasing Amy.

[The Question]

I would say more than 10 is pretty off putting as well. I wouldn't mind 5 or 6 but if she says 25...gonna cut her loose. So, I would rather not know and I doubt I would ask in the first place.

Why?

[Lasirius]

I recently dated this guy who for some reason decided to tell me how many partners he has had. According to him, he has had 36 and he just turned 19. At the time, I guess it didn't matter to me because I liked him but I was unable to sleep with him, most probably because of that.

[katie_girl09]

Why?
If someone has had a ton of sexual partners, it could say something about what type of person they are. The "I'm easy to get into bed" type of person. Not necessarily, mind you. But I think that's what most think of. And nobody wants to be with someone who has that kind of stigma attached to them.

Honestly, if it doesn't matter to you, that's fine. But don't act like you don't understand where those who do care are coming from. It seems quite obvious to me.

[SPider-T0rch]

It would more or less matter to me. On one hand, I understand that my girlfriend's past sexual experiences shouldn't affect my relationship/sex life with her but on the other hand, I wouldn't be able to shake out the image in my head of someone else being better at pleasing my girlfriend. The fear of STDs also seems like a very good reason to care about your partner's past sexual encounters. So my girlfriend's sexual past would affect my ego and my fear of STDs

[terry78]

So long as it's not like throwing a bratwurst down a hallway, I'm fine. Every dude on Earth is sloppy seconds unless he just happens to get a virginal one, and even then, it won't be all it's cracked up to be.

[Kelly]

I've never looked at sex as a casual thing, to have with whomever, and then move on.... so yeah, a lot of sexual partners before me would raise red flags...

[The Question]

If someone has had a ton of sexual partners, it could say something about what type of person they are. The "I'm easy to get into bed" type of person. Not necessarily, mind you. But I think that's what most think of. And nobody wants to be with someone who has that kind of stigma attached to them.

Why? As long as they'e not unfaithful, why would that matter?

Honestly, if it doesn't matter to you, that's fine. But don't act like you don't understand where those who do care are coming from. It seems quite obvious to me.

Well, I don't entirely understand. I understand that this line of thinking is common, but I don't completely understand why it's so common and why an individual would perscribe to it. I would think a certain amount of prudishness is involved, as a result from western society's somewhat puritanical views on sex, but everyone's motivations are different and I can't be sure until I ask, especially over the internet.

[AndThePickles]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.

This is absurd to me. Why would something she did with a past boyfriend hurt YOU? She didn't let this guy touch her breasts while you were dating her.

Another question - how old are you? It is very easy to think that you and your gf will get married eventually, but what if you don't? You didn't truly "save" yourself, because you aren't married, yet. So, by your thinking, if you two break up, you didn't save yourself for your eventual wife, and you're damaged goods, as well.

[B.A. Baracus]

I personally think it's really sweet when a couple save themselves for each other.

But that's what Jessica Simpson did for Nick Lachey, Saved herself for her husband she would be with forever and look how that turned out, shame really.

[B.A. Baracus]

Edit, i'm clicking 'post' once yet double posting.

[AndThePickles]

It's all good if a couple is saving themselves for marriage. However, unless Dark Guardian chose his wording incorrectly, he said they WERE both virgins when they met. I'm assuming that means they've slept together already, and aren't married yet.

[B.A. Baracus]

Well spotted, I wonder if he's doing it for religious reasons, From my experience thats the usual reason for saving yourself.

[katie_girl09]

Why? As long as they're not unfaithful, why would that matter?
That would vary according to who you're asking. Some people would just feel strange or "not special" being with a person who's had that many sexual partners. And some people - as I said before - take multiple sexual partners as a sign of promiscuity. So that might mean an increased risk of infidelity.
People have their reasons for caring. Just like people have their reasons for not caring. But what I don't understand is how people act like the people that do care are wrong somehow.


Well, I don't entirely understand. I understand that this line of thinking is common, but I don't completely understand why it's so common and why an individual would perscribe to it. I would think a certain amount of prudishness is involved, as a result from western society's somewhat puritanical views on sex, but everyone's motivations are different and I can't be sure until I ask, especially over the internet.
Prudishness? Not wanting to be with someone who sleeps around is prudish? In a case such as that, I would think you're being prudent.

[Yurka]

You people who say it matters... why exactly does it matter to you?

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

[AndThePickles]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

I definitely agree with that. :up:

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I would not want to be with a man who has no sexual experience.

[Yurka]

I definitely agree with that. :up:

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I would not want to be with a man who has no sexual experience.

Well of course not, I wouldnt want to be with an inexperienced girl either.

I guess the happy medium is between virgin and pornstar. :o :awesome:

[Erzengel]

Yeah, but this is stuff you don't usually find out on the 1st date. What happens if you find out after you were already emotionally involved? If someone was say promiscuous in college, and grew out of that, would you fault them for that later?

One of the first people I was with gave me protection from an open box of contraceptives. Kinda knew I wasn't the first one but in the end I had general feelings for them.

[katie_girl09]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.
True.

[Ponyboy]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.


She did save herself for you. Touching breasts does not equal sex. And if the two of you weren't dating at the time... The fact that some other guy touched her boobs has nothing to do with you. You had better get over it, because if you hold that against her in any way, you might possibly end up subconsciously driving her away for something you have no right to be upset about. We're human beings... we make bad choices sometimes. She probably regrets that guy touching her boobicles. Don't make her feel worse about it.

[AndThePickles]

Yeah, but this is stuff you don't usually find out on the 1st date. What happens if you find out after you were already emotionally involved? If someone was say promiscuous in college, and grew out of that, would you fault them for that later?

One of the first people I was with gave me protection from an open box of contraceptives. Kinda knew I wasn't the first one but in the end I had general feelings for them.

That is a difficult question :csad: While people can't change the past, I also think that there is a huge difference between a promiscuous "have fun" stage and sleeping around with a new person every night for a decade.

[The Question]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

Some people like casual sex, it doesn't mean they're not looking for love.

[Erzengel]

I'll be honest when I was 20, I'd be turned off if a girl I was dating who was around the same age and she told me she was with 10-12 people.

But if you're 30, 10-12 can be a reasonable number.

[AndThePickles]

I'll be honest when I was 20, I'd be turned off if a girl I was dating who was around the same age and she told me she was with 10-12 people.

But if you're 30, 10-12 can be a reasonable number.

Well yeah, I would hope that people's expectations of partner averages goes up as they age.

[terry78]

A lot of dudes' mindset is, you sleep with the chick that's had a lot of experience, but you marry the one that's had only a little.

[Ponyboy]

I never cared about how many people a girl slept with... What's past is past. The only thing that mattered to me was that we were mutually exclusive to one another while dating. Oh, and as long as she didn't have any below-the-belt nasties. I was always fortunate in that arena.

[The Question]

A lot of dudes' mindset is, you sleep with the chick that's had a lot of experience, but you marry the one that's had only a little.

That strikes me as a bit sexist.

[Erzengel]

I know we have some teens and 20 something year olds who posted in here who said they'd be turned off by more than single digit numbers. I'd be interested in their opinion in a few years.

[Yurka]

That is a difficult question :csad: While people can't change the past, I also think that there is a huge difference between a promiscuous "have fun" stage and sleeping around with a new person every night for a decade.

Yea. Being fresh out of school I may be biased, but I'd say it depends on how promiscuous the person was, if theyre honest and open enough to tell you. I dont think you can really "fault" anyone for trying to enjoy college.
If youre getting attached to someone youve been seeing who has told you they had fooled around quite a bit in college, say 15 or more people, but has seemed to slow down and that doesnt effect you, great. I guess thats kindof the point of this thread.

Some people like casual sex, it doesn't mean they're not looking for love.

Of course everyone wants to find love, Im just saying that thats not the way I'd go about "meeting" people, and it might turn others off.

[katie_girl09]

That strikes me as a bit terry-ish.
Fixed it for ya. :oldrazz:

[Anubis]

Hell, by the time you're my age, you'd be hard pressed to find a chick that doesn't already have kids.

[terry78]

Fixed it for ya. :oldrazz:

Har har. :argh:

[guitarsingerguy]

What was done in the past is done. It's not like my reputation is flawless. As long as they've got a clean bill of health, and they stay mutual at that point, who cares?

[Captain_BluTac]

I don't believe it does it matter how many sexual partners your other half has had and I don't really understand people who do think its a deal-breaker. I mean its freaking 2011, who cares if you sleep around?

[POWdER-man]

It's not something I worry about or ever will have to worry about.

[Aesop Rocks]

LADY IN THE STREET BUT A FREAK IN THE BED.

Nah, don't really matter to me. I've lowered my standards SO HARD as of late.

[chaseter]

Some people like casual sex, it doesn't mean they're not looking for love.

I don't so I don't want my future wife to be that way either.

It is really unsettling knowing that my g/f or wife has had 50 other men inside of her. All this amounts to is a trait that you look for or don't look for in your love interests.

This isn't a question that I would ask because I would rather not know but if it was ever brought up and she said that she couldn't remember but it was definitely over 50 because she was crazy in her twenties then that is off putting even though she may be looking for love. I am sure there are a lot of girls who want a guy that didn't have 50 notches on his belt. This isn't an uncommon notion.

[S.A.A.D.]

I think that one who reject's someone just because they are a virgin are pretty damn shallow. What if the person ended up being good despite not having previous experience? It's okay to be put off by someone because they suck at screwing because they lack experience,but refusing to date a person just because they are a virgin is just too much. And I wouldn't want a gf who has had too many partners in the past because it would make them come off as really tarty imo.

[SpideyVille]

I guess for me, I'm a little more old-fashioned, so I've never really found the whole sleeping around for fun thing to be very attractive, so while the number may not completely hinder an impeding relationship, it would be a factor.

But I also think it's a little intimidating to know that the person that you are with has more experience because then there's always that thought in the back of your mind that makes you wonder how you compare to the others.

[Timstuff]

Considering how few relationships I've been in, I'd prefer someone who doesn't have significantly more baggage than me. Unfortnately, the older I get the harder it's going to be to find girls girls like that who are my age.

[WildcatNC]

A few things I'd like to add (mostly relating to the guys since thats whos posting):

Whether they want to admit it or not, 95% of the problems and anxiety related to your partners experience is ego/self-esteem related Especially for the guys. Most guys can't tolerate the thought of someone giving it to their girlfriend better than they ever could with equipment they can't compete with. Trust me, they have. Probably many. If your a teenager it might not be an issue, but if your in your early 20's shes been owned by someone you cant match up with. Just something you've got to learn to deal with. She may never admit it, but he did, and you can't. Deal with it, lie to yourself, or go without. Most guys convince themselves they are a sex god and the women feed it because they know its what the guy wants to hear. Everyone thinks their the exception. Its very doubtful. Its much less of a negative to most women than it is to most men. Women care, just not generally as much. Mens self esteem is MUCH more directly tied to their genitals and the functions thereof. Womens to their appearance more.

Women are rarely honest about it anyway so asking doesn't really get you anywhere. I laugh anytime I hear someone tell me their girlfriend has partners in the single digits and is over 20. Could be. Its far more likely she's lying. Its a common policy among women to say its in the single digits (usually 8-9) when its WELL over that. Its the best compromise without looking ****ty (still single digits). Women often have guys that "don't count" to. Your rarely getting the true number.

Right or wrong, there are different standards for Men and Women. Just how it is. An experienced guy is most often seen in a positive light and an experienced woman is not. Whether its "fair" or not isn't really relevant. Its the reality your dealing with. There are illogical double standards in the world, just how it is. Its all perception.

Seems to me the general sentiment goes something like this. The more women a man has been with the better lover he will be and the more desirable he is. The more men a woman has been with the better (bigger) lover the man has to be to compete. Right or wrong, just how people in general seem to view it. There are exceptions of course.

Yes i'm incredibly bored. :woot:

[knowsbleed]

I am currently in a relationship where my partner has had plenty of experience. Both of us have revealed to each other "the number"... and we are mature enough to live with our revelations. Coincidentally, we've had similar paths where we went through difficult times in our lives where it didn't matter who we had sex with or why at one point... and became very promiscuous. It happened when both of us were in our early 20s, and it didn't last too long. I am now in my early 30s and she is in her late 20s, and we have accepted that we are no longer the same people we once were at that promiscuous period.

We are committed to each other and know that we are the people we are today because of our accomplishments and hardships. Maybe the fact that we have travelled similar paths help us relate... but I feel that a level of understanding has to be there in order to not make "the number" such a huge factor in whether or not you choose to be with someone or not.

[Eggyman]

My missus needed a few to make room for me :)

[Ponyboy]

What was done in the past is done. It's not like my reputation is flawless. As long as they've got a clean bill of health, and they stay mutual at that point, who cares?

exactly!

[Dark Guardian]

Why does it upset you so much? Because you were not the first person to do that to her? Or is the reason leaning more towards your fears that she might do that again in the future? When you say you are a an extremely protective boyfriend, and then you state that you're really upset about your girlfriend's breasts being fondled by her ex-boyfriend, it sounds like you're being a little possessive about something you had no control over due to the fact that you two weren't even together. At least she told you the truth (hopefully).
Because I'm really old fashioned when it comes to love, and I feel like (especially since she knew she wasn't going to be going out with this guy forever) she was careless and didn't think about the feelings of someone she claimed she was waiting for.
She knew it wasn't this guy, yet, instead of oh I don't know, saving every possible intimate connection she could have for the person she knew was right, she carelessly went ahead and let this other guy touch her breasts.
I know I'm sensitive, but I love her, and I feel a little bit betrayed. Now, if she had not said to me "Oh, I've wanted to save myself for the right person... and I feel that's you." then it wouldn't be quite as big a deal. But she said that, and yet... she broke that promise to herself and to me.


This is absurd to me. Why would something she did with a past boyfriend hurt YOU? She didn't let this guy touch her breasts while you were dating her.

Another question - how old are you? It is very easy to think that you and your gf will get married eventually, but what if you don't? You didn't truly "save" yourself, because you aren't married, yet. So, by your thinking, if you two break up, you didn't save yourself for your eventual wife, and you're damaged goods, as well.

It's ok that it's absurd to you. That's your lifestyle and your views on relationships.
I'm 22. Sure, not the oldest and wisest, but I'm no stupid teenager. I have never had a girlfriend until her (we've been together for three years today actually) and I won't have another. Contrary to popular belief, one man meant for one woman still does happen. We didn't sleep together until we both knew this was going to last, and when I mean knew I mean a year and a half after we started dating. Hell, we didn't kiss until six months in.


She did save herself for you. Touching breasts does not equal sex. And if the two of you weren't dating at the time... The fact that some other guy touched her boobs has nothing to do with you. You had better get over it, because if you hold that against her in any way, you might possibly end up subconsciously driving her away for something you have no right to be upset about. We're human beings... we make bad choices sometimes. She probably regrets that guy touching her boobicles. Don't make her feel worse about it. I suppose that would depend on your definition of saving yourself. We both ended up agreeing on a more complete definition. As for not having anything to do with me, I must simply disagree. It has much to do with me. Especially considering the commitment we each have made to each other.
She does regret it, although, sometimes I don't think she quite understands how much I wish she hadn't done it.

Well spotted, I wonder if he's doing it for religious reasons, From my experience thats the usual reason for saving yourself.
Nope. We're very strange on the religion scale. Neither of us really conform to any religion we know of, yet we both believe in very similar things. Saving yourself until marriage was sort of one of those things we thought about, debated about, and ultimately decided against. I just believe in... being careful. Waiting until that one person you truly love comes along. It may seem silly, old fashioned, naive, but it's me, and it's worked out pretty well so far. ;)

[WildcatNC]

Because I'm really old fashioned when it comes to love, and I feel like (especially since she knew she wasn't going to be going out with this guy forever) she was careless and didn't think about the feelings of someone she claimed she was waiting for.
She knew it wasn't this guy, yet, instead of oh I don't know, saving every possible intimate connection she could have for the person she knew was right, she carelessly went ahead and let this other guy touch her breasts.
I know I'm sensitive, but I love her, and I feel a little bit betrayed. Now, if she had not said to me "Oh, I've wanted to save myself for the right person... and I feel that's you." then it wouldn't be quite as big a deal. But she said that, and yet... she broke that promise to herself and to me.




It's ok that it's absurd to you. That's your lifestyle and your views on relationships.
I'm 22. Sure, not the oldest and wisest, but I'm no stupid teenager. I have never had a girlfriend until her (we've been together for three years today actually) and I won't have another. Contrary to popular belief, one man meant for one woman still does happen. We didn't sleep together until we both knew this was going to last, and when I mean knew I mean a year and a half after we started dating. Hell, we didn't kiss until six months in.

I suppose that would depend on your definition of saving yourself. We both ended up agreeing on a more complete definition. As for not having anything to do with me, I must simply disagree. It has much to do with me. Especially considering the commitment we each have made to each other.
She does regret it, although, sometimes I don't think she quite understands how much I wish she hadn't done it.


Nope. We're very strange on the religion scale. Neither of us really conform to any religion we know of, yet we both believe in very similar things. Saving yourself until marriage was sort of one of those things we thought about, debated about, and ultimately decided against. I just believe in... being careful. Waiting until that one person you truly love comes along. It may seem silly, old fashioned, naive, but it's me, and it's worked out pretty well so far. ;)


I'd say your on par with a 16-17 year old in experience then. Wisdom doesn't come with age, but experience. Sounds like you started late.

Many feel the same way with their first sex partner at the time as well. Its why I would be wary of a virgin. That unhealthy, obsessive, angsty stuff that often comes with someones "first" is not something i'd look forward to. Been there a few times and its not fun after awhile. If you both are then you don't notice it because your both like that. If not though......

You better hope you don't lose her. If boob touching bothers you then your in trouble if your looking for a woman at 25-30. They've all got graveyards in their closet by then. You'll be lucky if its just a drunken frat orgy (or five). :woot:

[Dark Guardian]

I'd say your on par with a 16-17 year old in experience then. Wisdom doesn't come with age, but experience. Sounds like you started late.

Many feel the same way with their first sex partner at the time as well. Its why I would be wary of a virgin. That unhealthy, obsessive, angsty stuff that often comes with someones "first" is not something i'd look forward to. Been there a few times and its not fun after awhile. If you both are then you don't notice it because your both like that. If not though......

You better hope you don't lose her. If boob touching bothers you then your in trouble if your looking for a woman at 25-30. They've all got graveyards in their closet by then. You'll be lucky if its just a drunken frat orgy (or five). :woot:
I'd say your definition of 'experience' and mine are... quite different. For your information, this has been my view on the relationship I've wanted for all of my life. This isn't a new thing. I set out to find one woman, who I would date, fall in love with and marry.
It seems to me that's not your cup of tea, which is fine, but don't knock it just because it's not what you want or have gotten out of life.

[Indie]

I'd say your definition of 'experience' and mine are... quite different. For your information, this has been my view on the relationship I've wanted for all of my life. This isn't a new thing. I set out to find one woman, who I would date, fall in love with and marry.
It seems to me that's not your cup of tea, which is fine, but don't knock it just because it's not what you want or have gotten out of life.

First of all, props on staying true to yourself and making the effort to live in a way that feels right for you even if it's seen as unconventional in this day and age. But I would add that you probably need to forgive her (whether that comes about through talking to her about how you feel, talking to someone else you trust about it, or finding a way to simply let it go.). She went against her personal values, and regrets it. She then renewed her efforts to stay true to her own convictions as evident in her relationship with you. I'd say the later speaks much more of her character and mind then one regretted mistake.

Though maybe you're not even that upset about it beyond a small nagging disappointment in the back of your mind, and if that's the case then you're probably fine and i congratulate you on having a relationship that you love and are proud of :)

[Anita18]

What was done in the past is done. It's not like my reputation is flawless. As long as they've got a clean bill of health, and they stay mutual at that point, who cares?
This is pretty much how I think about it now too, although it took me a few years to get over my low self-esteem in that regard. :funny:

I know my bf wasn't a virgin when he met me. I don't know the number of other women he's been with, and it's something I actually don't particularly care to know. All I know (and need to know) is that he's happy and faithful being with me right now. The past is past.

In fact, my bf used to smoke weed and go to strip clubs, which TOTALLY made me :lmao: when he told me because looking at him now, you can't picture it. At all.

I'd say your on par with a 16-17 year old in experience then. Wisdom doesn't come with age, but experience. Sounds like you started late.

Many feel the same way with their first sex partner at the time as well. Its why I would be wary of a virgin. That unhealthy, obsessive, angsty stuff that often comes with someones "first" is not something i'd look forward to. Been there a few times and its not fun after awhile. If you both are then you don't notice it because your both like that. If not though......

You better hope you don't lose her. If boob touching bothers you then your in trouble if your looking for a woman at 25-30. They've all got graveyards in their closet by then. You'll be lucky if its just a drunken frat orgy (or five). :woot:
The wisdom from experience doesn't always come from actual experience either. Mostly emotional maturity. I always hear stories of women going through multiple relationships and not never being able to enjoy sex, and all I can think is, "Um, I think you're doing it wrong." :o Or maybe I'm just really lucky. :awesome:

And not all virgins are unhealthy, obsessive, or angsty about it. :whatever: I was a very late bloomer, and I was less nervous about my first time than my non-virgin bf was. :funny: I was a virgin when I met him and as I said, I don't really care about the other women he's been with. His devotion to me is clear enough, I don't need to get all whiny about it. No experience needed to realize that. :yay:

[Thebumwhowalks]

Considering how few relationships I've been in, I'd prefer someone who doesn't have significantly more baggage than me. Unfortnately, the older I get the harder it's going to be to find girls girls like that who are my age.

Life experience does not automatically mean the person is carrying around 'baggage', or personal demons, as you might call them. Even if someone has had bad experiences in life, it does not mean they can't make peace with those experiences.
Tbh, it sounds like you are the one who could be potentially carrying around 'baggage', by automatically thinking that you somehow have avoided 'baggage' by not being in relationships, and assuming most people around you have developed 'problems'.
You shound like you are bordering on a superiority complex, you can carry 'baggage' by not having enough life experience, thinking you know it all and are better than other people, or developing funny thoughts about other people and assuming much about them, which can happen precisely because you do not have enough life experience, and have very blunt and uneducated instincts as a result.

[Eggyman]

I agree with The Bum. Hve you seen Chasing Amy?

[Thebumwhowalks]

I agree with The Bum. Hve you seen Chasing Amy?

Yeah, but I mean about ten years ago, whenever it was just released on home video rental, I thought it was alright, don't recall much about it.

[Eggyman]

Ben Affleck makes the mistake of finishing with a girl because he finds out she's had more sexual experience than him in the past--threesomes and stuff. By the time he realises he's made a stupid mistake by holding her history against the person she is now, she doesn't want to know.

[Eggyman]

LOL @ Finger Cuffs

[Thebumwhowalks]

Ben Affleck makes the mistake of finishing with a girl because he finds out she's had more sexual experience than him in the past--threesomes and stuff. By the time he realises he's made a stupid mistake by holding her history against the person she is now, she doesn't want to know.

Oh right, the way I remembered it he was told she had finished with him first, and that drove him crazy, when he was already going crazy in the first place, and that's without even going into all sorts of other complicated things.
But I think I'm thinking of a completely different movie than the one you are talking about, the one you refer to is way too simple to be that one.

[Yurka]

I don't so I don't want my future wife to be that way either.

It is really unsettling knowing that my g/f or wife has had 50 other men inside of her. All this amounts to is a trait that you look for or don't look for in your love interests.

This isn't a question that I would ask because I would rather not know but if it was ever brought up and she said that she couldn't remember but it was definitely over 50 because she was crazy in her twenties then that is off putting even though she may be looking for love. I am sure there are a lot of girls who want a guy that didn't have 50 notches on his belt. This isn't an uncommon notion.

:up:

[The Question]

I don't so I don't want my future wife to be that way either.

It is really unsettling knowing that my g/f or wife has had 50 other men inside of her. All this amounts to is a trait that you look for or don't look for in your love interests.

This isn't a question that I would ask because I would rather not know but if it was ever brought up and she said that she couldn't remember but it was definitely over 50 because she was crazy in her twenties then that is off putting even though she may be looking for love. I am sure there are a lot of girls who want a guy that didn't have 50 notches on his belt. This isn't an uncommon notion.

I understand it's not uncommon. But why is it held? Because it strikes me as very irrational and petty.

[The Question]

Because I'm really old fashioned when it comes to love, and I feel like (especially since she knew she wasn't going to be going out with this guy forever) she was careless and didn't think about the feelings of someone she claimed she was waiting for.
She knew it wasn't this guy, yet, instead of oh I don't know, saving every possible intimate connection she could have for the person she knew was right, she carelessly went ahead and let this other guy touch her breasts.
I know I'm sensitive, but I love her, and I feel a little bit betrayed. Now, if she had not said to me "Oh, I've wanted to save myself for the right person... and I feel that's you." then it wouldn't be quite as big a deal. But she said that, and yet... she broke that promise to herself and to me.

How can you betray someone, or break your promise to them, before you've even met them?

[POWdER-man]

I agree with The Bum. Hve you seen Chasing Amy?

I don't imagine you thought you would utter those words today.

I am kind of glad I don't ever have to think about it anymore, but if I did I would like to think it wouldn't matter but I think deep down it could possibly bother me if it were a large number. I can't actually provide what that number might be so maybe it wouldn't be a problem...who knows.



This rambling was brought to you by the letter P and the number 13.

[Erzengel]

The wisdom from experience doesn't always come from actual experience either. Mostly emotional maturity. I always hear stories of women going through multiple relationships and not never being able to enjoy sex, and all I can think is, "Um, I think you're doing it wrong." :o Or maybe I'm just really lucky. :awesome:

And not all virgins are unhealthy, obsessive, or angsty about it. :whatever: I was a very late bloomer, and I was less nervous about my first time than my non-virgin bf was. :funny: I was a virgin when I met him and as I said, I don't really care about the other women he's been with. His devotion to me is clear enough, I don't need to get all whiny about it. No experience needed to realize that. :yay:

I know a lot of late bloomers who seemed to hit a glass ceiling when it comes to emotional maturity because of the lack or limited relationship experience.

It shows after the honeymoon period ends and those cute things you saw in the beginning now irritate you. I've seen quite a few refusal to compromise because they haven't been in long term relationships. I tend to think that wisdom and emotional maturity come mostly from experience and hopefully from making mistakes and learning from them.

[chaseter]

I understand it's not uncommon. But why is it held? Because it strikes me as very irrational and petty.

If two houses for sale look the exact same, one has had 5 families move in and out in 5 years and the other house has had 1 person live there for 5 years. Which one do you want? It says something about the person. They may have changed but how do you ever really know? Would you marry a person that has been married and divorced 7 times?

I know it's 2011 but I still believe in self control. I don't have much respect for the guy or girl going out every weekend to sleep with someone. But, like I said...it is never a question that I would ever bring up in the first place. Some people just prefer certain qualities or aspects of people that some others may not. Another good example would be a smoker. I will not date and certainly marry a smoker...ever. I will not date or marry someone that likes to go out and get drunk every weekend. We all have qualities we would like to see in our future mate. Plus I believe someone mentioned a societal aspect in that women prefer men who are experienced while men prefer women who are not. I believe that is true. I think something in our brain, I would say more so the male brain, wants everything to be new. It goes back hundreds of years.

[LOBO3315a]

It all boils down to emotional maturity. In my 20's if someone suggested my new wife had had sex with someone before me, I would sharpen my axes, and go on the warpath. In my 30's I gradually realized I wasn't the only man in the Universe, and came to accept the fact that she had had sex before we met, and had enjoyed most of it. Now that I'm divorced and in my 40's I couldn't care less how many partners someone has had, as long as they are safe and sane about what they do.

[AndThePickles]

I think that one who reject's someone just because they are a virgin are pretty damn shallow. What if the person ended up being good despite not having previous experience? It's okay to be put off by someone because they suck at screwing because they lack experience,but refusing to date a person just because they are a virgin is just too much. And I wouldn't want a gf who has had too many partners in the past because it would make them come off as really tarty imo.

Question for you - how is it any more shallow than anything else involved in choosing a significant other? Sexual compatibility, physical appearance and personality are all things that go into finding a partner. I don't think that any of them are shallow. I think that it would be different if a relationship was established and then someone revealed that they were a virgin. But, if that was revealed before any real connection is established, I think it's perfectly human for that to be a turn-off to some. We all have our personal preferences. For example, one of yours is that you wouldn't want a woman who has had "too many partners." How is that any different than someone who doesn't want to sleep with a virgin? The same logic can be applied in what you said about assumptions - a virgin may not be terrible in bed, and a woman with multiple partners may not be "tarty."

[Schlosser85]

It depends. Just because someone's had a lot of partners doesn't mean they're a ****, IMO.

To me what's more relevant is their behavior while in a relationship, as in, is it one person at a time, or do they cheat?

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

I would like to say it doesn't matter, but deep down it does.

[S.A.A.D.]

Question for you - how is it any more shallow than anything else involved in choosing a significant other? Sexual compatibility, physical appearance and personality are all things that go into finding a partner. I don't think that any of them are shallow. I think that it would be different if a relationship was established and then someone revealed that they were a virgin. But, if that was revealed before any real connection is established, I think it's perfectly human for that to be a turn-off to some. We all have our personal preferences. For example, one of yours is that you wouldn't want a woman who has had "too many partners." How is that any different than someone who doesn't want to sleep with a virgin? The same logic can be applied in what you said about assumptions - a virgin may not be terrible in bed, and a woman with multiple partners may not be "tarty."

It wasn't a question of being more shallow than something else,that is because I don't think that it's too harsh,let alone being harsh in general. Not everyone can be a complete winner,and anyone who thinks that there is such a thing as a perfect person is living under a rock,IT IS SIMPLY UNATTAINABLE!!!! Really unattainable.

:o

[Hurm...]

I completely agree with AndThePickles, it is a personal preference, and circumstances may or may not change if you choose to get to know the person.

With that being said, to me it kind of does matter, and Chaseter's post gave an excellent example of my thoughts about it (The whole house thing).

[S.A.A.D.]

I swear,if some certain girl rejected me just because I had no experience in the sack I would personally see that they get cussed out courtesy of me.

[Erzengel]

If you're in your early twenties I don't think most women would mind. But if you're pushing 30, I think some women would prefer you to have some experience.

However, I did have a friend who got with a guy, who was almost 30 and I believe it was his first real relationship, first sexual experience, got married and had their first kid within the span of 3 years.

[Indie]

I think the only thing that would bother me is a double standard. It seems kind of messed up that a guy who's had lots of partners wouldn't date someone just because she's had a lot as well. Like the fellow in the original post. He said he's had no more then 100 but it would "make him look at his wife differently" if she's had more then 50. Makes me want to kick him.

[AndThePickles]

I swear,if some certain girl rejected me just because I had no experience in the sack I would personally see that they get cussed out courtesy of me.

It sounds like you're letting your own personal emotions/ potential hurt feelings get in the way of the logic surrounding this subject. If a man rejected me because of something specific to me, that's fine. It might sting, but then on to the next one who I could be more compatible with.

[Anita18]

I know a lot of late bloomers who seemed to hit a glass ceiling when it comes to emotional maturity because of the lack or limited relationship experience.

It shows after the honeymoon period ends and those cute things you saw in the beginning now irritate you. I've seen quite a few refusal to compromise because they haven't been in long term relationships. I tend to think that wisdom and emotional maturity come mostly from experience and hopefully from making mistakes and learning from them.
Yes, but being in a long-term relationship doesn't mean you've had sex. My first relationship was with an equally awkward virgin guy and we lasted 1.5 years without sleeping togeter. I'd wager that's longer than many people's relationships full stop. :funny:

The fact that we broke up because we were both emotionally immature at the time I guess could be counted against me, but my current bf (my second) are coming on 2.5 years and I haven't hit a glass ceiling yet. When should I expect it at this rate? :funny:

Of course I'd also wager that I'm not like many late bloomers, but my point is that it all comes down to getting to know the individual and not resorting to assumptions.

Question for you - how is it any more shallow than anything else involved in choosing a significant other? Sexual compatibility, physical appearance and personality are all things that go into finding a partner. I don't think that any of them are shallow. I think that it would be different if a relationship was established and then someone revealed that they were a virgin. But, if that was revealed before any real connection is established, I think it's perfectly human for that to be a turn-off to some. We all have our personal preferences. For example, one of yours is that you wouldn't want a woman who has had "too many partners." How is that any different than someone who doesn't want to sleep with a virgin? The same logic can be applied in what you said about assumptions - a virgin may not be terrible in bed, and a woman with multiple partners may not be "tarty."
To be fair, I think a lot of people choose/turn down partners for very shallow reasons. :oldrazz:

[Erzengel]

Yes, but being in a long-term relationship doesn't mean you've had sex. My first relationship was with an equally awkward virgin guy and we lasted 1.5 years without sleeping togeter. I'd wager that's longer than many people's relationships full stop. :funny:

The fact that we broke up because we were both emotionally immature at the time I guess could be counted against me, but my current bf (my second) are coming on 2.5 years and I haven't hit a glass ceiling yet. When should I expect it at this rate? :funny:

Well as long as you're here to speak on behalf of all the meek, late blooming, introverts. :o

I would consider someone who had 1 relationship lasting more than a year and half to have more experience that say someone with 3-4 who haven't lasted past a few months.

But in general, and I"m saying most not all so calm down. :o In general, I kind of agree with that poster said about experience. I think we all have preconceived notions of what relationships are like before we actually are in one. And most times than not they are usually shattered by emotions we aren't use to and situations we never encountered before. That's why more often times than not, are 1st relationship isn't are last relationship.

[knowsbleed]

If two houses for sale look the exact same, one has had 5 families move in and out in 5 years and the other house has had 1 person live there for 5 years. Which one do you want? It says something about the person. They may have changed but how do you ever really know? Would you marry a person that has been married and divorced 7 times?

You're comparing people to houses? People don't depreciate as they get more experience in life. And who here is talking about marriage? As far as I can read, the discussion has been about the number of past sexual partners.

I know it's 2011 but I still believe in self control. I don't have much respect for the guy or girl going out every weekend to sleep with someone. But, like I said...it is never a question that I would ever bring up in the first place. Some people just prefer certain qualities or aspects of people that some others may not. Another good example would be a smoker. I will not date and certainly marry a smoker...ever. I will not date or marry someone that likes to go out and get drunk every weekend. We all have qualities we would like to see in our future mate. Plus I believe someone mentioned a societal aspect in that women prefer men who are experienced while men prefer women who are not. I believe that is true. I think something in our brain, I would say more so the male brain, wants everything to be new. It goes back hundreds of years.

You're a funny guy chase...

... anyway, your example of a person who smokes or a person who drinks every weekend... what if they are reformed? They are now ex-smokers or ex-every-weekend-drinkers? Judging people by what they've done in the past should only be done when they've commited crimes... I don't care if my girlfriend got her breasts fondled when she was 18... we're both adults now and I'M the one who is doing the fondling.

Diseases aside, if my partner is willing to stay committed to me and only me, then I have no problem with how many sexual partners she's had in the past.

[Anita18]

Well as long as you're here to speak on behalf of all the meek, late blooming, introverts. :o

I would consider someone who had 1 relationship lasting more than a year and half to have more experience that say someone with 3-4 who haven't lasted past a few months.

But in general, and I"m saying most not all so calm down. :o In general, I kind of agree with that poster said about experience. I think we all have preconceived notions of what relationships are like before we actually are in one. And most times than not they are usually shattered by emotions we aren't use to and situations we never encountered before. That's why more often times than not, are 1st relationship isn't are last relationship.
Woo, I'm always here to speak for the meek late-blooming introverts. :awesome:

And yes, I do agree that most (if not all) of us have preconceived notions about relationships which are wrong. It's just that some people learn faster than others, so as long as you've been through one relationship, then the "experience" requirement is fulfilled as far as I'm concerned. :funny:

[The Question]

If two houses for sale look the exact same, one has had 5 families move in and out in 5 years and the other house has had 1 person live there for 5 years. Which one do you want? It says something about the person. They may have changed but how do you ever really know? Would you marry a person that has been married and divorced 7 times?

I find the house metaphore to be erronious. People aren't houses. The most likely reason for five families living in a house for only a year at a time would be because of some problem in the neighborhood or some problem with the interior structure. There are hundreds of reasons why a person may have had several sexual partners in the past. It might be because they fear commitment, or they have some kind of sex addiction, but it could also be because they simply enjoy sexual activity, don't see a need to bcome romantically attatched to someone before having sex with them, and view their very real search for true love as something seperate from but sometimes related to their sex life. It's not an indicator that something might be wrong with the person.

As for your two questions:

1: You know by getting to know the person. That's something you'd want to do before entering into a romantic relationship anyway.

2: That's a slightly different question. Number of sexual partners simply means how many people they've had sex with. If they've been married and divorced seven times, that's seven lomg term relationships that fell apart. As for wether or not I would marry them, it really does depend. Yes, it is a much clearer indicator that this person would have relationship troubles, but as this is a hypothetical person with no other character traits besides "has been married and divorced seven times," I really can't say for sure.

I know it's 2011 but I still believe in self control. I don't have much respect for the guy or girl going out every weekend to sleep with someone. But, like I said...it is never a question that I would ever bring up in the first place. Some people just prefer certain qualities or aspects of people that some others may not. Another good example would be a smoker. I will not date and certainly marry a smoker...ever. I will not date or marry someone that likes to go out and get drunk every weekend. We all have qualities we would like to see in our future mate. Plus I believe someone mentioned a societal aspect in that women prefer men who are experienced while men prefer women who are not. I believe that is true. I think something in our brain, I would say more so the male brain, wants everything to be new. It goes back hundreds of years.

1: Who says it's an issue of self control? Going out and having regular casual sex doesn't mean you lack self control. All it means is that there's something you enjoy that you don regularly. Yes, there are sex addicts in the world, but having a lot of sex and being a sex addict aren't the same thing.

2: You are right, generally women do prefer men who are experienced and men prefer women who aren't. That is true. But does it being true make it right?

[knowsbleed]

Who wants to post up some numbers? Eggy, you go first.

[Dark Guardian]

How can you betray someone, or break your promise to them, before you've even met them?
By saying that supposedly you've been saving that part of you for the right person your whole life.

[Dark Guardian]

First of all, props on staying true to yourself and making the effort to live in a way that feels right for you even if it's seen as unconventional in this day and age. But I would add that you probably need to forgive her (whether that comes about through talking to her about how you feel, talking to someone else you trust about it, or finding a way to simply let it go.). She went against her personal values, and regrets it. She then renewed her efforts to stay true to her own convictions as evident in her relationship with you. I'd say the later speaks much more of her character and mind then one regretted mistake.

Though maybe you're not even that upset about it beyond a small nagging disappointment in the back of your mind, and if that's the case then you're probably fine and i congratulate you on having a relationship that you love and are proud of :)

I have forgiven her, and it's just as you described, this sort of disappointing feeling that I'm reminded of every once in a while and really wish didn't exist. It does but I can live with it. Thanks for the encouragement!

Who wants to post up some numbers? Eggy, you go first.

Sure. 1.

[Eggyman]

who wants to post up some numbers? Eggy, you go first.

23.5

[Anita18]

By saying that supposedly you've been saving that part of you for the right person your whole life.
The thing is that many people aren't the one-night-stand types, and only sleep with people they are in relationships with. You may feel that you've found The One, and then some time later you realize that that person was not right for you at all.

Nobody should apologize for sleeping with someone they were previously in a relationship with. Nobody can tell the future - people do change, and relationships do end. So the right person for you now may not be the right person 1 year down the road. Nobody should apologize for that, or be expected to somehow know that they'll be with the same person the rest of their life when they first start a relationship with them.

[WildcatNC]

I'd say your definition of 'experience' and mine are... quite different. For your information, this has been my view on the relationship I've wanted for all of my life. This isn't a new thing. I set out to find one woman, who I would date, fall in love with and marry.
It seems to me that's not your cup of tea, which is fine, but don't knock it just because it's not what you want or have gotten out of life.

Nah. I didn't mean to be rude either. Wasn't my intention, just being frank.

I'm saying a LOT of people THINK its their cup of tea till they actually go through some relationships. Then real life happens and you realize you were idealizing things based on concepts that were never practical or real in the first place.

You form ideas based off of NO evidence or experience when your young. Its a constant learning process after that figuring out how things really work.

At 16, 19, 22, 25, etc. I thought I was pretty savvy, smart, knew what i wanted and how things were supposed to be. We don't. Doesn't stop us from thinking we do though.

Its like Oscar Wilde said, "I'm not young enough to know everything".

I wish you luck though and hope you find happiness regardless. IMO your gonna have to screw up royally a few times to get it right though. :woot:

[WildcatNC]

The wisdom from experience doesn't always come from actual experience either. Mostly emotional maturity.

It pretty much does though. I'm not saying there couldn't possibly be exceptions but for the most part you get wisdom and experience from going through things, making mistakes, screwing up, being screwed over, and learning from it. Your right about emotional maturity but where does THAT come from. Experience also. Sure some have more than others naturally but learning in a vacuum is knowledge not wisdom.

And not all virgins are unhealthy, obsessive, or angsty about it. :whatever:


Maybe not, but many are. We usually just don't notice because we are in the 14-18 yr old range and we are all like that. You don't really notice at the time.

You could be cool, not saying your like that. I don't know you. Doesn't mean what I said is not generally on the money though.

[Anita18]

It pretty much does though. I'm not saying there couldn't possibly be exceptions but for the most part you get wisdom and experience from going through things, making mistakes, screwing up, being screwed over, and learning from it. Your right about emotional maturity but where does THAT come from. Experience also. Sure some have more than others naturally but learning in a vacuum is knowledge not wisdom.
Or you could just good at thinking through things and having a good perspective on life. :yay: Not all experienced people are mature, or vice versa. Now that I've gone out into the real world, coming across incredibly immature people in their 30s or 40s no longer surprises me. :funny:

You're right that it usually takes actual living to gain real wisdom and maturity. I've always been pegged as mature for my age (people consistently think I'm 5 years older than I really am, and that started in high school) but I look at myself even back in college and think, "Geez, what was I thinking back then?" :funny: So even at my head start, I had a ways to go, and I still have some things I'm working through now.

Maybe not, but many are. We usually just don't notice because we are in the 14-18 yr old range and we are all like that. You don't really notice at the time.

You could be cool, not saying your like that. I don't know you. Doesn't mean what I said is not generally on the money though.
Now there's a good point - how much of that obsessive angst is teenage angst and how much of it is virgin angst? Does it multiple the angst? :funny:

But I have the feeling that some may be referring to virgins in their 20s and beyond, and I'm here to say that not everyone is like that. (I'm no longer a virgin but I was one until my mid-20s and I think I'm pretty normal.) Sure SOME are, but there are examples of anything if you look hard enough. My point is, you can't go by assumptions using superficial numbers, but you have to know the person first.

[knowsbleed]

23.5

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.

[Eggyman]

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.

It's not one '.5'. It's three of them added up. So it's actually 22 and three halfs, if you get me. One wasn't so long ago on a first date--about two years ago--and we'd started but she was very easy pleased and looked up, her eyes shining and she says, 'I should've told you, I'm a squirter.' I just couldn't make things happen after that and seeing where she'd aimed. Another one was with an ex and we'd started and she had this really overly friendly mother who came in her room halfway through the deed but I was quick, like a hyperactive ninja, and rolled onto my back, and she says, all jokey, she says, 'What you two up to?' and whips the covers off thinking that we were just chilling in bed. But no, that is my erection--see? The third half was with this kinky milf who wanted to do it on my balcony. Being a gentleman I obliged but it was slippy from rain and she slipped but didn't fall down completely but the quick loss of altitude almost made me Eggywoman. I went in and had a beer and pretended not to cry.

[WildcatNC]

You can't post a "23.5" without telling us about the .5.


Midget? :woot:

[Poetic Chaos]

Suddenly regretting telling my date last week that I'm a virgin... ****.

[Erzengel]

The first person I slept with didn't know I was a virgin.

*smooth*

[Poetic Chaos]

She said she could feel my heart racing when we were making out so I had to tell her it had been a while...that conversation just led us to partners. I need to utilize the internets more before my dates apparently.

[Paroxysm]

Who wants to post up some numbers? Eggy, you go first.

57 :csad:

[Dark Guardian]

The thing is that many people aren't the one-night-stand types, and only sleep with people they are in relationships with. You may feel that you've found The One, and then some time later you realize that that person was not right for you at all.


This would be why we took it as slow and careful as we did. We didn't get this committed, either of us, until we both felt there was a big chance that this was for life. The fact that we've been together for three years now should be some testament that we may be right.

[Anita18]

This would be why we took it as slow and careful as we did. We didn't get this committed, either of us, until we both felt there was a big chance that this was for life. The fact that we've been together for three years now should be some testament that we may be right.
Yes, its a good thing you're pursuing long-term relationships, but really, three years is NOTHING. I've been with my current bf 2.5 years and that time flew by, but we're still very young and have a lot of living left.

We're approaching some crossroads right now, since he might move away to pursue career opportunities while I want to stay and go to school here. If he really wants to move to Europe to work, I won't stop him. IMO, being in a relationship means wanting the best for the other person no matter what. If we stay together, that's great, but if we don't, that's fine too, because we already have changed each other for the better. And nobody should apologize (or be forgiven) for not being with one person their entire life. I don't think that's the point of relationships.

It's actually pretty amusing because my dad used to work abroad for months at a time, and my mom got a little tired having to explain to people that it was totally fine with her. I didn't understand it when I was young, but I understand it now. You always want the best for the other person.

She joked that it was fine as long as the money kept coming in, but in reality she knew that he would always be part of the family, and was confident that nothing would change that. In fact he retired recently and she joked that she might go crazy with him in the house 24/7. :funny:

[Erzengel]

Is the career opportunity in Europe for a short time period or indefinitely?

[Anita18]

Is the career opportunity in Europe for a short time period or indefinitely?
Probably short-term. He has a habit of not doing anything long-term, or even planning past 6 months. He's 28 and hasn't held a job continuously for more than a year. He's lucky that he works in a specialized field and he's good at it. :oldrazz:

I joke sometimes that our relationship is probably the longest thing he's managed to hold onto. :funny:

[Erzengel]

I don't see why you guys couldn't stay together if he leaves for only a few months.

[Anita18]

I don't see why you guys couldn't stay together if he leaves for only a few months.
Sure, but he's been itching to leave SoCal for a while now and I'm not sure if he'll ever come back if he decides to move to Berlin or wherever. :funny: It's really up to him, since he's been working on his own project (read: no job) for a while now and he has yet to decide where to apply for another job. Could be upstate, could be across the world.

But we'll figure it out when we have to. No point in worrying about it now.

[Erzengel]

Oh yeah definitely. But it just sounds like such a, logical, rational reasons while relationships are usually more emotional. I turned down being transferred out of the country because I wanted to see where a relationship with someone I just started dating would go. I would have made more money for a 6 month to a year's time but in the end I never regretted my decision.

[Danalys]

most people would want someone to be attractive enough to have had an amount of partners but choosy enough that you feel special.

[Anita18]

Oh yeah definitely. But it just sounds like such a, logical, rational reasons while relationships are usually more emotional. I turned down being transferred out of the country because I wanted to see where a relationship with someone I just started dating would go. I would have made more money for a 6 month to a year's time but in the end I never regretted my decision.
Yeah, I think those kinds of decisions have to be taken on a case by case basis.

Actually, my bf quit his job (first time :funny: ) and moved away after we had only been on a couple of dates, and I figured that was the last I'd see him. A few months later he moved back down to take essentially the same job (which he quit again 6 months ago :funny: ) and we started seeing each other again. So I don't think we'd give up on the relationship right away if he moved off for a few months. But obviously we're a lot closer now than we were back then.

But yeah, not going to worry about it, nor talk him out of making such a decision if he really wants to go. I may have forgotten to point out that he certainly doesn't HAVE to go to Europe (he's not being transferred or otherwise forced), but he's been wanting to go for a while and now's probably better than later.