The Official "Ask A Teddy Bear" Thread!!!

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


With Peacekeeper complaining about how boring it is at 2:30 IN THE MORNING and my friend Mr. T currentley on vacation, I figure I'd try my luck at informing the general public.

So, go on. Ask me anything.

[Lackey]

Why do teddy bears make my naughty parts tingle? :confused:

[Bathrat]

if ducks could type, would they type coherent sentences, or 'quack quack'?

[Klxnt]

How does it feel when you are getting fuzz shoved up your anus?

[Nero_Ordin]

what makes mother bears so protective?

[Danger Mouse]

Why the hell did the Chinese name a soft toy after an American President??

[Klxnt]

They didn't.

[TEDDY]

Why do teddy bears make my naughty parts tingle? :confused:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

It has something to do with events in your childhood. I'm guessing you had issues with your father growing up. When most children were playing catch and watching sports with their fathers, all your father was good for was getting drunk, kicking the family dog, and finding solace in his unemployment check. He never showed you any love, so the only love love you knew was from that of your childhood toy(presumably, a teddy bear).












Oh, that and the fact that your blind grandmother bought you a teddy who was mistakingly manufactured to be (how shall I put this...) Better endowed than most toys.

[Danger Mouse]

They didn't.

Yes, they did.

[Klxnt]

Japan was making "Teddy" bears before the Theodore thing happend.

This happend later:

The cartoon drew immediate attention. In Brooklyn, NY, shopkeeper Morris Michtom displayed 2 toy bears in the window of his Stionary and novilty store. The bears had been made by his wife, Rose from plush stuffed excelsior and finished with black shoe button eyes. Michtom recognized the immediate popularity of the new toy, requested and received permission from Roosevelt himself to call them "Teddy's Bears


EDIT: how the hell did you get your Join Date like that?

[TEDDY]

if ducks could type, would they type coherent sentences, or 'quack quack'?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

They would type coherent sentences, but they wouldn't use spellcheck, so their messages would look like a transcript for a Daffy Duck/Donald Duck cartoon, so most people wouldn't understand it anyways.

Besides ducks aren't interested in chatting on the web, just finding illegal porn.

[Danger Mouse]

EDIT: how the hell did you get your Join Date like that?

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!

:up:

Have a cookie.

[CConn]

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!

:up:

Have a cookie. I noticed...I just didn't say. :o

and how did you do that?

[TEDDY]

How does it feel when you are getting fuzz shoved up your anus?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


Painful. Very, very painful.:( Why do you think us teddy bears don't celebrate Thanksgiving? The turkey is a painful reminder of the event for us. For those of you who have no idea what it's like, think diahrea in reverse.

Do you feel like eating turkey now?

[Wiseman]

How can I get the girl of my dreams to fall in love with me?

[Danger Mouse]

I noticed...I just didn't say. :o

and how did you do that?

Well, this is a "Ask A Teddy Bear" thread. Lets get him to answer that one...

[Klxnt]

FINALLY, someone noticed!!!

:up:

Have a cookie.
Thank you... but im Diabetic.

How did you do it though?

Teddy... seeing turky with stuff shoved up his ass just makes me all the more eager to eat it.

You see, most turkeys are gender confused. I think they enjoy the ass shoving.

[TEDDY]

what makes mother bears so protective?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Maternal instincts, I guess. All moms want to protect their children from the dangers in life.


But if you want to talk over protective, try messing with the children of some suburban, mini van driving Soccer Mom one day and see how you fair. Man, those chicks don't play around.

[Danger Mouse]

Thank you... but im Diabetic.

How did you do it though?

Teddy... seeing turky with stuff shoved up his ass just makes me all the more eager to eat it.

You see, most turkeys are gender confused. I think they enjoy the ass shoving.

Easy. I'm one of those early ones. Right after the concept of World Wide Web was launched, I signed up with SHH.

[TEDDY]

Why the hell did the Chinese name a soft toy after an American President??
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Actually, the teddy was originally of Russian decent, created in the late 19th century by a lady working in as a textile/clothing maker.

It was later brought overseas in the early 20th century, where the name Teddy stuck. The Chinese nor the Russians named the bear after Rosevelt. It was an American that did that.

Personally, I don't mind being named after a President. It's kinda cool, in a way.

[Klxnt]

You look poorly made, like a hobo's creation.

Where did you come from?

[TEDDY]

How can I get the girl of my dreams to fall in love with me?http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


One word:

MONEY!!!

Not saying that all women are gold-diggers, just saying that it helps.




Oh, and it also helps if your extremly well endowed. JUST ASK BOB!

[Wiseman]

One word:

MONEY!!!

Not saying that all women are gold-diggers, just saying that it helps.




Oh, and it also helps if your extremly well endowed. JUST ASK BOB!

What if I already have her tied up in my basement, can I still give her money to love me?

[TEDDY]

Well, this is a "Ask A Teddy Bear" thread. Lets get him to answer that one...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

...Click your heels together three times and say the magic word?
















...Oh, and it helps to have Mob connections who know where all the MODs live.

[Klxnt]

What if I already have her tied up in my basement, can I still give her money to love me?
If you have a knife to her throat, you can give her dog poo and she will still love you.

[Nero_Ordin]

how can get money without having to get a job so i can get the woman i love?

[Corinthian™]

what is your favorite stuffed animal?

What's the best way of humilating a Teddy Bear

Ho much masturbation is too much?

[TEDDY]

You look poorly made, like a hobo's creation.

Where did you come from?http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Yes, I was homemade, so what? There's a lot of us cheap, tailor-made bears out there. A lot of us get sold to your parents who waited till the last minute to shop. Some of you might have a cheap, name brand imitation and not even know it.(It's spelt "Care Bear" people, not "Kare Bare")

[Danger Mouse]

how can get money without having to get a job so i can get the woman i love?

Get the woman you love to give you money so that you can shower her with money to make her love you, silly. :rolleyes:

[TEDDY]

If you have a knife to her throat, you can give her dog poo and she will still love you.
He's right... I think:confused: ...

[Klxnt]

How do you know l am a he?

[Nero_Ordin]

where did you get all this wisdom from?

[Klxnt]

Can l ever be as cool as this guy?

http://gprime.net/flash.php/numanuma

[TEDDY]

how can get money without having to get a job so i can get the woman i love?http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Depends which way you go to make some dough.

The 1st(and hardest) way of getting money is that of bank robbery. If succesful, congratulations, you're a made man. However, this way takes a lot of planning, and if you fail, some big, 200 lbs guy named Bubba will make you a "made man".

The 2nd option is giving blood and seaman samples. While it seems simple enough, too mush of a good thing can kill you.

The 3rd option is almost guaranteed to work. Sue some one. Claim to be color blind and sue the guy who owns the color red. Sue viagra for only working 50 minutes rather than the entire hour. Sue the media for racialy profiling all us comic book fans and using the same "Comic Book Guy" stereotype to describe us. Who ever it is, sue them for the stupidest reasons you can think of(fastfood made me fat, cigarettes gave me cancer because I couldn't read the warning label, etc.) Next, get some media behind you. Tv, paper, radio, internet, whatever, just get them all to spread the word around. By the time the big boys actually answer your suit, they'll want to settle out of court( which is a wise idea, since no jury will award you a multi-million dollar victory for not knowing better than to eat at McDonalds every waking minute of you life... or would they?)

[TEDDY]

what is your favorite stuffed animal?

What's the best way of humilating a Teddy Bear

Ho much masturbation is too much?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

1. Well, seeing as I am a bear, I have to stick with my own kind. I am dating a Barbie doll right now. It's in it's early stages. Not as serious as the fling that I had with Raggedy Anne 5 years back.


2. Too many ways to mention. It's not too hard to embarass someone who's weaker than you. Personnaly, I hate being dipped in bar bq sauce, tied up by the feet, and danngled over a hungry Rotweiler who hasn't been fed for a week. Not a pretty sight.

3. Put it this way: If your getting dehydrated and can't see straight, slow down!

[TEDDY]

How do you know l am a he?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Lucky guess?


I'm a child's play thing, people. Cut me some slack!

[TEDDY]

where did you get all this wisdom from?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


That's the good thing about teddy bears: we may not be good talkers, but we are always there to listen to your problems. You'd be surprised about some of the stuff people tell us bears...

























Seriously, you would pee your pants to know all the stuff we have over heard.

[Klxnt]

Could my "teddy" kick your ass?

[TEDDY]

Can l ever be as cool as this guy?

http://gprime.net/flash.php/numanuma
WOW!:eek: I don't think even I'm that cool.

But if you want to be on that coolness level: eat your veggies, say no to drugs, stay in school, listen to your parents...
























Oh yeah, and masterbate at least 5 times a day. That should do it.

[TEDDY]

Could my "teddy" kick your ass?
Maybe, he does have a size advantage but probably lacks the speed due to those bulky antlers. I'd say it would be pretty even... in the begining. But then I would unleash my secret "shoot beams of deadly love from my tummy" technique while your reindeer "teddy" would reveal his unknown "flight" technique. It would get pretty interesting.



















But I'd still kick his ass.:D

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Come on, people! Keep your questions coming. I know you have questions you want answered.

[Nero_Ordin]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Depends which way you go to make some dough.

The 1st(and hardest) way of getting money is that of bank robbery. If succesful, congratulations, you're a made man. However, this way takes a lot of planning, and if you fail, some big, 200 lbs guy named Bubba will make you a "made man".

The 2nd option is giving blood and seaman samples. While it seems simple enough, too mush of a good thing can kill you.

The 3rd option is almost guaranteed to work. Sue some one. Claim to be color blind and sue the guy who owns the color red. Sue viagra for only working 50 minutes rather than the entire hour. Sue the media for racialy profiling all us comic book fans and using the same "Comic Book Guy" stereotype to describe us. Who ever it is, sue them for the stupidest reasons you can think of(fastfood made me fat, cigarettes gave me cancer because I couldn't read the warning label, etc.) Next, get some media behind you. Tv, paper, radio, internet, whatever, just get them all to spread the word around. By the time the big boys actually answer your suit, they'll want to settle out of court( which is a wise idea, since no jury will award you a multi-million dollar victory for not knowing better than to eat at McDonalds every waking minute of you life... or would they?)


i never thought about the 3rd option but i have a plan to how to rob bank i can't do it.

[TEDDY]

i never thought about the 3rd option but i have a plan to how to rob bank i can't do it.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Don't do it, man. You don't want to be cellmates with Big BUBBA. There are far better ways of obtaining money... like donating blood and sperm (preferably with the two seperated)

[Lackey]

I heard the International Brotherhood of Teddy Bears banned Mr. Wiggles (http://www.neilswaab.com/comics/wiggles/) for his perverted ways... is that true? it just doesn't seem fair. :(

[Nero_Ordin]

i sue someone for a stupid reason but i have this question. how do become as wise as thou?

[TEDDY]

I heard the International Brotherhood of Teddy Bears banned Mr. Wiggles (http://www.neilswaab.com/comics/wiggles/) for his perverted ways... is that true? it just doesn't seem fair. :(
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Good question. For those of you out of the know, the IBoTB was a privately funded interest group seeking better treatment for teddy bears everywhere. With merchandisers creating the "ultimate gift" every holiday season, many teddys go unnoticed by the glitz and glam of the next Furby or Tickle-Me-Elmo.

Mr. Wiggles was never banned from the IBoTB, merely suspended temporarily. With all these enforcements by the FCC, parents were outraged by almost anything and anyone. They sought blood(Howard Stern:sued, Bubba the Love Sponge: fired, Janet Jackson: banned from the Grammys, etc.) Finally, the media turned it's attention to Mr. Wiggles. They had no choice but to act, the FCC were on their backs. So, they gave him the minimal punishment they could and hoped for the best.

[TEDDY]

i sue someone for a stupid reason but i have this question. how do become as wise as thou?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Take the lessons of the teddy to heart: If you want to trully become wise, you just need to do 2 things:

1. shut up.

2. listen.

That's all you need to know. As teddy bears, our only real job is to look cuddly and listen to your problems. Just listen. Don't even bother talking. Have you ever met a talkative teddy? No! You will learn little by talking.

That is why there are so many stupid people out their today. Because rather than shutting up and listening to somebody smarter than them, they have to open their mouths and put their 2 cents in on something they have absolutely no idea about.

Shhhh....


Just listen....


















You see, now you're learning.

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/vega_6.jpgIf you have a dream about having hardcore sex with 10 men all at once..............does that make you gay?

[Master Chief]

How do teddy bears make teddy bebbies?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/vega_6.jpgIf you have a dream about having hardcore sex with 10 men all at once..............does that make you gay?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Depends. Did you fall asleep while watching that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy show? If so, then congratulations. You're a heterosexual.

Otherwise, you're either gay, REALLY GAY, or straight with unusual gay tendencies.(like dreaming about having sex with 10 men)

[TEDDY]

How do teddy bears make teddy bebbies?http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

We don't. The toy manufacturers do. Why do you think there is no overpopulation of teddy bears?

To be honest, most of us aren't physically endowed with the right... instruments. And those that are... well... aren't they the lucky ones...

[hippie_hunter]

Can I have a Teddy Bear?

[TEDDY]

Can I have a Teddy Bear?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Sure you can, the question is how will you obtain the bear?

The first option to look at is going out to the market and buying one. Nearly every store carrys them and they come in a variety of price ranges so you can get one for your own budget. But that would involve spending your own money and that would be to simple.

The 2nd option will be a little trickier. Go to the local bar. Find a young, beautiful, single chick to hook up with. After a couple of nights of romance, feed her some bull**** story about how your father never hugged you and how all you wanted from him was a teddy bear, which he failed to get you. The next time you see her, she will have bought you you're very own bear. After you have the bear, DUMP HER AND DUMP HER FAST!!! But beware, when it comes to feelings, girls ar CR-A-ZY!!! You might want to change the locks on your door and get a new number.

The next option is the most challenging of them all, but I guarantee you will get tons of bears. Send your name to the Make A Wish Foundation, Toys For Tots, Jerry's Kids, and any other charity you can think of. Pretend to be a homeless 6 year old orphan who is dying, and all you want is a teddy bear for your birthday. Teddy will be coming to your house by the truckload. After getting your teddys, change your identity, get some plastic surgery done, lose contact with your family and friends, and leave town. By the time they do a background check on you, you will be long gone. I t would be as if you never existed. So what if you can't see your family for the rest of your life. At least you'll have your bears, right?

:(

Better stick with option 1...

[Lackey]

To be honest, most of us aren't physically endowed with the right... instruments. And those that... well... aren't they the lucky ones...



:confused:

http://www.f2by.com/catalog/images/polarbear.jpg

[TEDDY]

:confused:

http://www.f2by.com/catalog/images/polarbear.jpgWell I bet girl somewhere is still happy to play with their teddy bear... damn, can he even wear pants?

[Lackey]

He would wear pants, but it's too expensive to get them specially tailored.

[TEDDY]

He would wear pants, but it's too expensive to get them specially tailored.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I bet... can he even walk with a widdly-wacker that big? I'd figure he would be stricken to a specialy designed wheelchair.

[TEDDY]

Keep those questions coming. According to the IQ thread, I am a certified genious.:D

[TEDDY]

Come on. Don't be shy. You know you wanna.:D

[Master Chief]

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/4365/panda3zj.gif

[Mr. Edward Hyde]

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/4365/panda3zj.gif
Bwhahahahaha! :up:

[TEDDY]

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/4365/panda3zj.gif
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Let's see.

(checks tag)

"Made In China." Well, there ya go...

[Winter Spleen]

Do Teddy Bears feel pain?

[TEDDY]

Do Teddy Bears feel pain?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Lets see...

(pinches self)

*OUCH*...it would appear so, yes. Keep that in mind the next time you get the urge to light a teddy on fire.

[Honey Vibe]

Dear Teddy:
I wake up every morning with a stuffy nose. Got any tips to keep my nasal passages clear and dry overnight? *shniff*

[TEDDY]

Dear Teddy:
I wake up every morning with a stuffy nose. Got any tips to keep my nasal passages clear and dry overnight? *shniff*
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, Vic's Vapo Rub always helps. Just rub some on your chest and put a dab under your nose. It's pretty good stuff.

I also suggest sucking on a few peperment candys. They seem to help break down congestion. Always seems to make me feel better.

If none of those methods work, try the miracle medicine I like to: DAYQUIL!!!
(spokesperson's voice)

Yes, Dayquil: It may not cure you of your cold, but after a few bottles, you feel REAL good.

Hope that helps. Now go lie down before you infect us all!!!

[Nero_Ordin]

how do you build a time machine and how do i screw up time with it?

[TEDDY]

how do you build a time machine and how do i screw up time with it?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I wish I knew how to make a time machine. If I did, then Winnie the Pooh would be our newest Prez, No Bush jr. Pooh might have a memory problem, but it's better to have him in the office than Bush. At least he would've left the Weapons of mass destruction issue alone and moved on to more important things... like finding honey.

But after watching an episode of South Park, I'm pretty sure all you need to do to go back in time is to hit yourself hard enough in the head. You go ahead and do that. Tell me if things turn out ok.

[TEDDY]

My pleasure.

[TEDDY]

No prob.

[TEDDY]

thanks and i hope i can make pooh the prez but that will be hard. and i'll bring awareness to the abuse of teddy bears.
What the heck is going on?

[Nero_Ordin]

thanks and i hope i can make pooh the prez but that will be hard. and i'll bring awareness to the abuse of teddy bears.

[TEDDY]

this is... strange.

[TEDDY]

Alright, enough time traveling. Lets deal with the hear and now. NEXT QUESTION!

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/Spider_Lantern/bison-yah.gifMy hand is on fire. What remedies should I take after putting it out?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/Spider_Lantern/bison-yah.gifMy hand is on fire. What remedies should I take after putting it out?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I would suggest a little aloe verra to soothe the pain along with tons of ice to numb the nerves in your hand.


And if none of those remedies work, might I suggest the ultimate medical remedy: DAYQUIL!!!
(spokesperson's voice)

Dayquil: It might not heal your hand, but after about a dozen bottles, it'll make you feel REAL good.

[Nero_Ordin]

how do i train my dog to go bathroom outside?

[TEDDY]

how do i train my dog to go bathroom outside?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Depends on how big of a dog you got.

If you got some scrawny, scared little dog running around, like a chiwawa or pikanese, just yell at him in your loudest voice until he goes outside. He might not need to go before, but after your done yelling he certainly will.

For your normal dogs, like your golden retriever or Bloodhound, I suggest bringing some familiarity to the outside. I take it your dog is more of a house pet? Well, if that's the case, then he's not used to the outside world and only going by instincts to poop where it is convenient for him. Keep an eye on your dog for a few weeks. When it looks like he wants to do his buisness, throw him outside and let him do it. It may take a while, but after a few weeks, instinct will kick in and tell him he's SUPPOSE to go outside when doing his buisness.

Now if you have a huge dog, like a Roteweiler for example... I can't help you. Seriously, if I had a dog that's 6ft long, over 200 lbs, and is known for having a bad temper, he could pee anywhere he wanted. Just be glad he's allowing you to live in his house.

[Edd Extraordinaire]

What do you have to say about the recent slaughter of 17 Americans in a Toys R Us in Colorado by a Teddy Bear gone insane from the increased sales of Yu Gi Oh! crap and the decreased sales in Teddy Bears? I hear they had a SWAT team take him out. My god...he choked a 6 year old to death with piano wire....it was...tragic.

[TEDDY]

What do you have to say about the recent slaughter of 17 Americans in a Toys R Us in Colorado by a Teddy Bear gone insane from the increased sales of Yu Gi Oh! crap and the decreased sales in Teddy Bears? I hear they had a SWAT team take him out. My god...he choked a 6 year old to death with piano wire....it was...tragic.


Lies, ALL LIES. You see, this is why I don't watch the News: facts that are twisted into lies.

First off, this was just a conspiracy produced by Donald Trump in order to get more promotional pay off for Toys R Us. In case you didn't know, Toys R Us has been losing some of it's buisness, causing trump to close down some of his stores. After the promotion from this fiasco,Toys R Us has more than doubled their buisness in the last year. Apparently, danger sells. Explains a lot why the Crocodile Hunter is so popular.

Secondly, although teddies have been known on rare occasions to attack(particularly those beady-eyed little Beanie Baby freaks), it wasn't an actual teddy. It was a stuffed Pikachu. I guess the kids aren't as enthusiastic about playing their Pokemon video games or trading their Pokemon playing cards or watching their Pokemon cartoons as they are about playing their Yu Gi oh video game, or trading their Yu Gi Oh trading cards or watching the Yu Gi Oh cartoons. But hey, don't feel too bad Pokemon. Besides, in the next 2 years another cheap Japanese cartoon will become popular by ripping of Yu Gi Oh the way you ripped off Monster Rancher, Digimon, etc.

Thirdly, I think I can speak for most bears when I say we are not jealous of Yu Gi Oh. Let them enjoy their sucess. They only got another year or so left before they get replaced. We've been around for over a hundred years. There will always be a place for us teddy bears. as long as there's a children without a toy of their own, we'll be there. As long as there are holidays devoted to showing someone you care, we'll be there. As long as there are guys out there who manage to screw up MAJORLY with their girlfriends and never thought of saying "I'm sorry"(looks around the Hype), we'll be there.

[mercuryfly]

hey I have a question. How do you know that all your answers to people's questions are correct??

[TEDDY]

hey I have a question. How do you know that all your answers to people's questions are correct??
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

How does Dear Abby know all her answers to Questions are correct? How(and why) does Dr. Phil think all his answers are correct?

The truth is, we don't always know. It's not the "ASK THE TEDDY WHO'S ALWAYS RIGHT" thread now is it?

As far as why I answer these questions, as I explained earlier in this thread, we teddy bears are very wise. We shut up and listen, learning, rather than run our mouths about stuff we don't know anything about. I have heard from plenty of wise men in my time.

Besides if "Dr." Phil can do it, why can't I?

[TEDDY]

thanks and i hope i can make pooh the prez but that will be hard. and i'll bring awareness to the abuse of teddy bears.... speaking of running for president, it turns out Pooh did run for president back in 1972 and 1976... well, sorta...

http://www.2momluvme.com/kardz/pooh.gif

In a promotion to celebrate the animated film addaptation of Winnie the Pooh, Disney Land began a campaign for Pooh to get elected President. While Pooh never got elected, he still apparently has an election campaign every time election year comes around.

I just want to thank Nero Ordin for going back in time and giving Pooh the oppurtunity to at least be nominated.

[TEDDY]

Keep your questions coming, people.

[J Dangerously]

Hey Teddy, what's going down? Made love to any fine Care Bears lately?

[TEDDY]

Hey Teddy, what's going down? Made love to any fine Care Bears lately?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Naw, not recently. I'm dating a Barbie doll right now, and she refuses to have a 3-way. But I have gotten lucky with a few Care Bears. They are trully freaky in bed, always willing to try anything once just to prove to you how much they care. Only problem is that they're to clingy. Once you tell them you care, they won't let you go anywhere on your own. And they don't handle break-ups very well. If you ever break up with a Care Bear, remember to get a restraining order or else you might find out the hard way what happiness is made of.

[J Dangerously]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Naw, not recently. I'm dating a Barbie doll right now, and she refuses to have a 3-way. But I have gotten lucky with a few Care Bears. They are trully freaky in bed, always willing to try anything once just to prove to you how much they care. Only problem is that they're to clingy. Once you tell them you care, they won't let you go anywhere on your own. And they don't handle break-ups very well. If you ever break up with a Care Bear, remember to get a restraining order or else you might find out the hard way what happiness is made of.Hehehehe, F_cking A !!

[TEDDY]

I'm telling you, Care Bears are crazy!

[TEDDY]

Now lets get off my love life and back to answering questions, shall we?

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega3.gifI have a problem. You see, I'm trying to train my pet fish to smoke but every time I try to light them up a smoke the water puts it out. What should I do?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega3.gifI have a problem. You see, I'm trying to train my pet fish to smoke but every time I try to light them up a smoke the water puts it out. What should I do?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Come on, Bison. You and I both know that your fish can't smoke in the water. So the answer is quite obvious:

Take your fish out the their tanks first, then let them smoke.(duh)

I suggest you teach them how to chain smoke real quick. They won't last too long outside of the water(especialy when they get the usual respiratory infections caused by smoking).

[Supergirl]

My GF recently broke up with me because she "was tired of the long distance relationship". Was she banging another guy while away at college, or did she wait til we broke up?

[Darnell]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v75/dcmccants/snapshot20041124172221.jpg

[TEDDY]

My GF recently broke up with me because she "was tired of the long distance relationship". Was she banging another guy while away at college, or did she wait til we broke up?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

She waited till she broke up with you. Now, don't get it twisted, she was seeing the other man while she was with you. Probably came close to banging him while you were still together. But she stopped due to guilt... or because they always got horny in the wrong place at the wrong time.(like at church, or the waiting line at the DMV) She dumps you to feel free to move on with her new love, symbolizing that her past is behind her now, she waits one day, due to the fact that she feels bad. And then, day 2, she's on the prowl again.

Don't feel too bad. Long-distance relationships are hard to make last. Besides, she'll probably end up becoming a 30 year old single mom with 3 kids and 5 baby daddies.

But she did break your heart, so might I suggest some revenge? Send an email to her explaining your feelings about the break up. Attached will be a "special" picture/movie of her that she made specifically for you.(if she dated you for more than a year, chances are you have at least one example of this) Explain to her that you're sending this to all of your friends, including her friends, her parents, and every amateur porn site on the web.

A few years will pass and she will forget about this incident. She will be seeking a new career. She'll get an interview for a major executive company. The meeting will go good, but since they can't just give her the job right off the bat, they tell her they'll give her a call back. Later that night, they will pretty much unanimously decide she is right for the position. But before hiring her, they must complete one thing: THE COMPANY BACKGROUND CHECK!!! When they find out your ex is an "internet porn queen", no way will they hire her.


... or if that doesn't work, you could always try stalking her, letting her know you're there even though she can't see you. Not my favorite option, but it seems to be very popular nowadays.

[Supergirl]

Dude thanks for making me laugh :up:

[TEDDY]

Anytime man. That's what I'm here for. Just recommend me to all of your friends on the Hype and watch the fun begin.

[Supergirl]

Most definitely, as down in the dumps as I've been I've needed laughs whereever I could get them :up:

[TEDDY]

That's my job: look cute, listen to peoples problems and help them feel beter.

Now, give my friend here a hug and you'll feel all beter:

http://www.swearbear.com/docs/ecards/swf/send.shtml?im=04

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega4.gifDo you believe God is harboring Weapons of Natural Distruction? Was it him that made that tsunami in Asia? Do you think the U.S. should invade Heaven or should we first send U.N. inspectors to heaven first?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega4.gifDo you believe God is harboring Weapons of Natural Distruction? Was it him that made that tsunami in Asia? Do you think the U.S. should invade Heaven or should we first send U.N. inspectors to heaven first?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


...


















no, no, no, no, no. Next question!!!

[TEDDY]

I SAID, NEXT QUESTION!!!

[TEDDY]

Don'rt keep me waiting.

[TEDDY]

Ready whenever you are...

[Morg]

keep bumping this and the mods and others might get annoyed. Try to post with others and make a conversation

[TEDDY]

Bumping a thread? What's that?

[Morg]

are you 10 or something? what you did above is called bumping

[TEDDY]

:mad: Thanks for the definition. It really helped me out.:rolleyes::up:

[Morg]

and on the retort you must be 10 after all

[TEDDY]

and on the retort you must be 10 after all

Oh, I see. My "comeback" wasn't mature enough for you...







































http://www.swearbear.com/media/images/aim1.gif How about this? This more Mature for you, Morg?:rolleyes: :D

[Master Chief]

Meh, since I'm about to run out and had my jacket on, here's a question.

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/679/pin8nq.gif

[TEDDY]

Meh, since I'm about to run out and had my jacket on, here's a question.

http://img41.exs.cx/img41/679/pin8nq.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well I'm more of an advice guy then pawner... but judging from the design, it appears to be a pin made in link to the promotion of the '89 Batman film. So I would say it is about... 15-16 years old...

[Master Chief]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well I'm more of an advice guy then pawner... but judging from the design, it appears to be a pin made in link to the promotion of the '89 Batman film. So I would say it is about... 15-16 years old...

Holy friggin' crap.

[Master Chief]

I don't know either, that's why I asked. :confused:

[TEDDY]

Holy friggin' crap.

Was I right? I don't know much about stuff like this. I hate the Antique Road Show...

[TEDDY]

Next question.

[TEDDY]

...Come on, people!!!

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega4.gifHow do I stop being soo clumpsy during sex? Have u read the thread where I made this b**ch bleed?

[Killing Joke]

I've got one..

How did you make a chic wanna let you in her pants when you are out on a date?

[Lackey]

Why don't Teddy Bears have nipples? How do they feed their young?

[Killing Joke]

Well..we asked..now we want ANSWERS. lol.

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Why?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/dialog-vega4.gifHow do I stop being soo clumpsy during sex? Have u read the thread where I made this b**ch bleed?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Yes, I skimmed through it, didn't read everything, but I got the gist of it.

My first suggestion:
DON'T GET DRUNK BEFORE HAVING SEX!!!
It never leads to good things. You either function improperly or go home with something out of a horror movie! You don't drink and drive, right? Well, the same rule applys to sex.

My second suggestion: ask her what she wants you to do to her. That way both of you go home happy. Not only will you both go home happy, but you'll never believe some of the freaky **** she'll let you do to her just for asking.

[TEDDY]

I've got one..

How did you make a chic wanna let you in her pants when you are out on a date?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, lying always helps. Tell her you are hung like a donkey or that you are a millionaire looking for a good time or that you're a roadie for a hot band that's visting town or you only have a month to live and you don't want to die a virgin, etc. You know, lie. And make it believable.

Also it doesn't hurt to try out a few compliments over a few drinks.(Ex. That dress is gorgeous, your eyes are so hypnotic, I like the way you smile at me, etc.) But don't go over board with the drinks. You don't want to end up drunk.

And if all that fails, beg and plead. No man is too full of pride to beg for sex.

[TEDDY]

Why don't Teddy Bears have nipples?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

...Because we don't.:confused: Seriously, what do I need with nipples?


How do they feed their young?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


BY GETTING OFF THEIR ASSES AND GETTING A JOB, DAMMIT!!!

[TEDDY]

Next question!

[SuperFerret]

If I go back in time to stop myself from asking this question can I accomplish that?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Yes, but I advise against it. You never know what you'll change in the past that can affect the future.

Besides, in doing so, you'll get chased down by some futuristic android that wants to destroy you because your son will bring about the Apocalypse.

[TEDDY]

Next Question!

[Mr Sparkle]

why? oh please god tell me why?

[TEDDY]

why? oh please god tell me why?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


BECAUSE I Demand IT!!! NOW ASK ANOTHER QUESTION!!!

[SuperFerret]

What time is it?



























On Mars!?

[Caliber]

Could I become president someday?

[TEDDY]

What time is it?








On Mars!?


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


It's time to buy a new watch, buddy.

[TEDDY]

Could I become president someday?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


If Bush can get nominated a for Four More Years, who knows? Anything is possible. Just stay in school, listen to your parents, say no to drugs, excercise, and drink your milk and you should be president in no time.


















Oh yeah, and if they ask you about this Manties Club junk you're involved in... deny, deny, deny.

[Outsiderzedge]

What are you filled with?

[TEDDY]

What are you filled with?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Cotton balls, mostly. Also have a bit of wool around my mid-section to keep me warm during those winter months.

[Outsiderzedge]

It's too bad you're not here. I want to see if you're telling the truth.

Do you get along with other animals?

[TEDDY]

It's too bad you're not here. I want to see if you're telling the truth.

Do you get along with other animals?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Smaller animals, yes.

Bigger animals, not so much.

One of my earlier owners had a Canine that thought I was a chew toy and would bury me in the backyard all the time.

[Caliber]

What a good gift for valentines for someone you care for?

[TEDDY]

What a good gift for valentines for someone you care for?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

You're looking at him. Ladies love TEDDY. He's just so darn cute.




















That, and money. Loats and lots of money. Not saying all women are goldiggers... just that they love money.

[Caliber]

I'll try a teddy bear this year. Where copuld I buy the bear in your pic?

[Maxwell Smart]

This is an out-of-character question for you TEDDY, did you make the teddy bear in the pic yourself? It looks homemade.

[TEDDY]

I'll try a teddy bear this year. Where copuld I buy the bear in your pic?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Sorry, buddy. I'm not for sale. But try this (http://store.yahoo.com/vtbear/vdayvideolowmv.html) out. The chick in that commercial looks pleased. Hopefully they can Fed Ex it to your girlfriend by Monday.

[TEDDY]

This is an out-of-character question for you TEDDY, did you make the teddy bear in the pic yourself? It looks homemade.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

... out of character... what do you mean?:confused:

Anyways, I was homemade, yes, so what. Screw all those Beanie Babies and Care Bears out there. I might not have a tag, I got enough cotton balls to call myself a teddy bear.

[Outsiderzedge]

Do you have someone to celebrate Valentine's Day with, Teddy?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Me and Barbie are going to be celebrating together this Valentines day. I don't know what I'm going to do for her, though. I haven't even bought her a card yet (I'm a slacker. I admit it.) But I'll find something for her.

[TEDDY]

Next Question, please.

[TEDDY]

I said, next question!

[Outsiderzedge]

Where and when will the Anti-Christ be born?

[The Amazing Lee]

Teddy, I need help.

There's a dead person in my closet and I have not the faintest idea how it got there what do I do?

[TEDDY]

Where and when will the Anti-Christ be born?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

...and why do you want to know this?

I don't know. I can't look into the future. I'm not Nostradamus. I just give advice.

[TEDDY]

Teddy, I need help.

There's a dead person in my closet and I have not the faintest idea how it got there what do I do?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

How many times do I need to tell you people??? When going out for a night on the town, know your drinking limits!!!

Now, as far as what you should do:

First off, make sure the person is actually dead. Does she have a pulse, is she still breathing, is her body warm? These are all signs that she is alive and, therefore, is no longer a legal issue.

If she is dead, go to your nearest grocery store and buy a couple of cans of gasoline, lighter fluid, and some matches.

Go home and start spreading the lighter fluid and gasoline all through the house. Place the lighter in the dead person's hand. Turn the gas on in your stove but don't light it. Instead, light a candle near the body and leave the house immediately.

Don't return home for a couple of hours. When you do, the house will be burning down. Act surprised and shocked. When the coroners come, they will find the body. Claim that the dead woman was your crazy ex-girlfriend who is always stalking you. The feds will believe her to be an arsonist who didn't think her stratagy through and burnt up by mistake.

Now not only are you in the clear, but you also get a new house with plenty of new stuff thanks to your insurance company(I take it that you have insurance. Otherwise, your screwed.)

[TEDDY]

Next question!

[Captain_Obvious]

Dear Teddy,

I really really really wanna kill my older brother.
What should I do to prevent me from taking this action?
Or, if I really should kill him, how?

Sincerely yours,

Captain_Obvious

[TEDDY]

Dear Teddy,

I really really really wanna kill my older brother.
What should I do to prevent me from taking this action?
Or, if I really should kill him, how?

Sincerely yours,

Captain_Obvious

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, I would say, the first thing you should do is to put the gun down... after all, guns do kill people despite what the NRA says. Next, sit down with your brother and the two of you should have a conversation about your feelings. You're brother and sister, right? So you love each other: discuss why the two of you aren't getting along.
Certain rules to follow as the 2 of you talk:
1: No one should raise their voice. People respond better when talked to in a calm and peaceful manner. Raising your voice will cause stress cause the other party to raise his voice in order to compete, thus causing a shouting match
2: No pointing fingers. People don't like to be told that they were wrong and that you were right(wether it's true or not). At the end of the conflict, it's usually both parties fault, despite who started it.

Now, if there is no way you can put up with your older brother, I would suggest avoidance at all costs. I don't think killing him is neccesary unless he has done something completely and horribly bad to you. I wouldn't kill him if I were you. It'll just make Family Reunions that much awkward.

[Cracker Jack]

Dear Teddy


How many licks does it take to get to the Tooties Roll center of a Tootie Pop?

[Caliber]

Teddy How can I gain superpowers?

[TEDDY]

Dear Teddy


How many licks does it take to get to the Tooties Roll center of a Tootie Pop?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, let's see...

(takes Cracker Jack's Tootsie Pop)

1...2...3... *crunch* ...3.

(hands back stick to Cracker Jack)

Announcer: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? The world may never know...













(but I do:D)

[SuperFerret]

Teddy, why is Charlton Heston insane?

[Cracker Jack]

Well, let's see...

(takes Cracker Jack's Tootsie Pop)

1...2...3... *crunch* ...3.

(hands back stick to Cracker Jack)

Announcer: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? The world may never know...













(but I do:D)

Thanks Tedd...heyyyyy wait a sec.. you ate my Tootsie Roll Tootsie POP :mad: :p ;)

[TEDDY]

Teddy How can I gain superpowers?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

First, start by sueing the Justice League for not recognizing your incredible powers of being overly average. Since superheroes are high class celebrities all to themselves, this lawsuit would do damage to their public personnas, as well as cost them and the tax payers hundreds of millions of dollars to take care of(the price might be so high that even Bats couldn't afford it.) Not wanting to risk public tensions, they would reluctantly recruit you.

Secondly, go into the Justice League computers and find the whereabouts of wannabe hero's Jan and Jace, the Wonder Twins. Find them and get their rings. Chances are, they'll be glad to give up the rings(did they even know how to really use it?) If they refuse to give them up, just kill'em and take the damn rings. What are they going to do? Turn into a Motor scooter and a bucket of water? The Justice League probably won't even think about investigating the murders of these 2 z-level wannabes. Now you have the power to transform into nearly anything.

Finally, find that space monkey, Gleep, that they always hang out with and eat his flesh. I don't know what powers Gleep has, but I have never seen a crime-fighting monkey with blue skin and an over byte.

[TEDDY]

Teddy, why is Charlton Heston insane?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Moses is insane? :p

Seriously, though. I think it's the whole "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." thing that he's lost his mind with. Look, on offense to Charlton Heston or people who disagreed entirely with Michael Moore's "BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE", but (shocker of all shockers) guns, in fact, do kill people. How can you say they can't when they obviosly do?

While I do believe people should have guns for safety reasons, I also believe we need gun control laws, which the NRA is not wanting to hear. They keep preaching the 2nd amendment, not thinking that back in the days of their forefathers all they had were those old ass muskets which shot off 1 round and took about a minute to reload.

Also, I think he literally believes an army of damn dirty apes is about to invade. Just look at him. It's like he's trying to recruit an army. Wonder when the invasion will occur?

[Caliber]

Teddy Why do famous people get away with everything?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Because:

1) They are usually rich(unless they pull a Hammer, or, even worse, a Tyson), meaning that not only can they afford a better lawyer than most, but they can also settle some matters out of court as not to be stuck in court for the next 3-6 months.

2) They have fans. People who refuse to believe that their idols would do something bad. This can deffinitely cause much difficulty in jury selection or making sure that witnesses are safe.

3) Because they can. That's the kind of mentality most celebrities seem to have. Don't know where they get this mentality. Maybe something in all that bottled water they sell in LA causes it.

[TEDDY]

Next Question.

[Nero_Ordin]

How can i create a time machine?

[Caliber]

Teddy, How do I train my dog to poop and pee outside?

[Captain_Obvious]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, I would say, the first thing you should do is to put the gun down... after all, guns do kill people despite what the NRA says. Next, sit down with your brother and the two of you should have a conversation about your feelings. You're brother and sister, right? So you love each other: discuss why the two of you aren't getting along.
Certain rules to follow as the 2 of you talk:
1: No one should raise their voice. People respond better when talked to in a calm and peaceful manner. Raising your voice will cause stress cause the other party to raise his voice in order to compete, thus causing a shouting match
2: No pointing fingers. People don't like to be told that they were wrong and that you were right(wether it's true or not). At the end of the conflict, it's usually both parties fault, despite who started it.

Now, if there is no way you can put up with your older brother, I would suggest avoidance at all costs. I don't think killing him is neccesary unless he has done something completely and horribly bad to you. I wouldn't kill him if I were you. It'll just make Family Reunions that much awkward.


sweet jeebus that's brilliant advice...thanks so much :)

[TEDDY]

How can i create a time machine?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I'm not really sure how. But from what I take from the Back to the Future trillogy, all you need to build the perfect time machine is a sports car that can go over 80 mph, a thunderstorm, and a funky 80's soundtrack. Before you can say "OH MY GAWD!!! I KISS MY MOM!!!", you'll be on your way to the time period of your choosing. Good luck.

[Outsiderzedge]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

...and why do you want to know this?

I don't know. I can't look into the future. I'm not Nostradamus. I just give advice.

I want to stop the Apocalypse.

[E. Bison]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/Bison1.gifHow effective are condoms against STD's including HIV?

[TEDDY]

Teddy, How do I train my dog to poop and pee outside?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Easy. Monitor your dog and his bathroom routine. Most dogs and cats have a certain posture/stance they take before their bowels take over. When it looks like he's about to go, pick him up before he lets a drop and throw him outside. Don't let him in until he goes out there. When he finally does go, let him know he did a good thing by peting him, scratching behind his ears, rubbing his belly, etc. When he does let go in the house, make sure what he did was bad(in a nonviolent way, you masochist) Sooner or later(depending on how bright your dog is) he will realize that going outside is a very good thing and pleases you, and all most dogs want to do is see there best friends happy.

[TEDDY]

I want to stop the Apocalypse.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, in that case, talk to T-800. In his time period, the Apocalypse has already happened, and apparently his movie franchise is the only thing that can stop the evil robots.

[kypade]

Why does outsiderzedge ignore me?:(

[Outsiderzedge]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, in that case, talk to T-800. In his time period, the Apocalypse has already happened, and apparently his movie franchise is the only thing that can stop the evil robots.

Thank you, TEDDY. Your wisdom is indeed as great as was prophesized by the wisemen. :up:

I am humbled by it.

[Outsiderzedge]

But I still want to see what's inside of you. :(

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/Bane_Lily/Bison1.gifHow effective are condoms against STD's including HIV?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

About 75%-85% effective, provided, of course that the condom doesn't bust.

That's the problems: they burst. And you don't usually realize it until it's too late. (Is it just me, or does that sound dirty?)

The best way to solve this problem is to use latex condoms that you just bought at the store. Older condoms dry out and break easier. New condoms are less likely to break.

Other than that, Bison, just use some common sense. Sure, Darlene "the Gang Bang Queen" that lives a block away from you might seem like an easy score, but would you really want to chance it?

[TEDDY]

Why does outsiderzedge ignore me?:(

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I don't know. Let's find out.

(to outsiderzedge)

So what's the deal?

[Outsiderzedge]

All my life, my family and people were persecuted by kypades. It is why I remain an outsider to this day.

Please wise TEDDY, I humbly ask that you do not ask more of this matter.

[kypade]

:(

that was a horrible answer...:(

:mad:

[Outsiderzedge]

:(

that was a horrible answer...:(

:mad:

like your face :(

[kypade]

lol:(

seriously, though...l do nothing but love you, and you're all like "ignore, ignore, l hate you, ignore":(

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

All right, since I don't know the circumstances of this dispute, I believe you two need to sit down and settle this for yourselves. Otherwise, this bizzare relationship you two seem to have will never work.

[HollyBeth0321]

All right, since I don't know the circumstances of this dispute, I believe you two need to sit down and settle this for yourselves. Otherwise, this bizzare relationship you two seem to have will never work.

What a sensitive bear.

[Caliber]

How can I become as wise as you, Teddy?

[TEDDY]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

I think I already answered this for Nero Odin, but just to hear myself again:




Take the lessons of the teddy to heart: If you want to trully become wise, you just need to do 2 things:



1. shut up.



2. listen.



That's all you need to know. As teddy bears, our only real job is to look cuddly and listen to your problems. Just listen. Don't even bother talking. Have you ever met a talkative teddy? No! You will learn little by talking.



That is why there are so many stupid people out their today. Because rather than shutting up and listening to somebody smarter than them, they have to open their mouths and put their 2 cents in on something they have absolutely no idea about.



Shhhh....





Just listen....





































You see, now you're learning.

Also, another good source for knowledge:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/Taoofpooh.jpg

The Tao of Pooh is a good book for knowledge.

Synopsis of book: This book works to explain the Eastern philosophy of Taoism through Winnie the Pooh and, likewise, explain the stories of Winnie the Pooh through Taoism.

[hippie_hunter]

I gotta find that book :o

[Bat Child]

Excuse me Mr.Bear. I have a problem. I can't seem to get interested in reading the Lord Of The Rings books. Everybody says how amazing they are....but i can't seem to stay awake. Am i a mutant? Am i mentally derranged? Or is it just because im 5' 7"? Please help me i feel like a monster!

[TEDDY]

Excuse me Mr.Bear. I have a problem. I can't seem to get interested in reading the Lord Of The Rings books. Everybody says how amazing they are....but i can't seem to stay awake. Am i a mutant? Am i mentally derranged? Or is it just because im 5' 7"? Please help me i feel like a monster!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Don't feel too bad, B.T.... I mean, you probably are a mutant, but who on the hype isn't?

I, like you, haven't read the Lord of the Rings trillogy. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I, like a lot of people, find it hard to read long pieces of literature(especially when they type it in the smallest font they can find and don't even double space.) But as always I have a solution.

Go down to your local bookstore and go through their books on tape/cd section. With times changing and technology increasing, may be the best way to read some books. I mean, no strain on the eyes, you can listen to it anywhere, and it takes up less space on your shelf. I can almost guarantee you they have the entire trillogy in a deluxe package due to the success of the movies. The package will probably set you back at least 80 bucks, so if your wallet is empty you might want to ask someone to get it for you as a gift.

One more thing: make sure you get a good cd reading. You want to get one with voice actors who become the characters they are reading for. You don't want to get the ones where it sounds like a bunch of unpaid 5th grade teachers are reading whatever is thrown in front of them. You want something that moves you, not dull you to tears.

[The Demon]

Good Night Bear.

[TEDDY]

Goodnight. I'll answer more questions tomorrow.

[TEDDY]

Alright, I'm back. Who needs answers?

[nightninja64]

Why does Van Halen suck now?

[TEDDY]

Why does Van Halen suck now?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

...Who still listens to Van Halen?:D


Only kidding.

The answer is as clear as day. No David Lee Roth = No Van Halen. At least they're trying by bringing back Hagar, but lets not kid ourselves. Roth made that band the legends they are today.

Sure, he's a cocky, hyper-active *******, but he brought the party and the fans.

[TEDDY]

Next question.

[HollyBeth0321]

Why did i get this rash?

[TEDDY]

Why did i get this rash?

...

























http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/clueless.jpg


...from sleeping with a guy wearing poison ivy condoms???:confused:

I don't know. I'm a bear not a doctor. Just put some cream on it and hope that it goes away in a couple of days.

[Morg]

*shoots the bear*

[TEDDY]

*shoots the bear*

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/bear-bird007.jpg


*shoots the bird*

[TEDDY]

Next question

[FEAR THE BAT]

How you like this pic??

http://img55.exs.cx/img55/6983/bat3ul.jpg

[TEDDY]

How you like this pic??

http://img55.exs.cx/img55/6983/bat3ul.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/bear-bird007.jpg


How much Prep Time did you have to use in order to make that, Bats? I don't need no stinkin' prep time.

[FEAR THE BAT]

hey, I saw yours, found a pic, threw the black box and words on it, and PRESTO!! my gift to you. didn't take long, it just seems like that since I'm at work and I got a lil busy.

did you like it?

[Maxwell Smart]

Teddy Bear flipping people off=****ing priceless comic gold. Almost as good as the masturbating bear..:D

[TEDDY]

hey, I saw yours, found a pic, threw the black box and words on it, and PRESTO!! my gift to you. didn't take long, it just seems like that since I'm at work and I got a lil busy.

did you like it?

meh...

[TEDDY]

Teddy Bear flipping people off=****ing priceless comic gold. Almost as good as the masturbating bear..:D

Thank you, I try.:up:

Next question.

[FEAR THE BAT]

meh...

didn't think you would. your welcome anyway.

[TEDDY]

Next Question!

[modernchic]

Will humans be wiped out slowly through our own stupidity or in a nice fast cataclysmic collision with a comet/meteor?

[TEDDY]

Will humans be wiped out slowly through our own stupidity or in a nice fast cataclysmic collision with a comet/meteor?


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/clueless.jpg


... ok, how about I don't know...

I give advice I don't predict the future...

















But since I am bored, I will answer your stupid question. If humans get wiped out, it will be slowly. No damn meteor is going to kill all the humans in the world.

Why, you ask? I'll tell you why. Because when scientist spot the meteorite, they will assemble a team of construction workers lead by Bruce Willis to destroy the meteor.:p

Of course, if that fails and the meteor actually does threaten to destroy humanity, I'm sure the media will be able to put the entire blame on the first African American president, Morgan Freeman, after they find out that he served time in a prison called Shawshank where he was the only guilty one behind bars.:p ;)

[TEDDY]

Next question!

[Caliber]

So how does someone tame a bear so they can become a vicious assassin pet?

[TEDDY]

So how does someone tame a bear so they can become a vicious assassin pet?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

[/url]
Well you can't really train a wild bear. Sure, you might see them in the Circus riding a tricycle, but if that trainer turned his back for a minute he'd become burger meat.

Now as far as making a bear more vicious than he already is, that's pretty easy.

1st, catch a bear and put him in a cage.

2nd, don't feed him for 2 weeks and poke every hour or so with a sharp object.

3rd, do an interview with your new "pet" on a news channel [URL=http://www.stupidvideos.com/Video.asp?]like this guy did. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg)

Bears hate to be asked dumb questions by women who don't understand that they are wild beasts, not cute little teddy bears like me.

[lockjaw]

Thanks for the tip TEDDY!

Q. Did Yogi ever actually hook-up with that little bear-tease (Samantha?) on The Yogi Bear Show? And is B00 Boo really a homosexual? Thanks for your time . . .

[Morg]

http://tinypic.com/2cgba8

[TEDDY]

Thanks for the tip TEDDY!

Q. Did Yogi ever actually hook-up with that little bear-tease (Samantha?) on The Yogi Bear Show? And is B00 Boo really a homosexual? Thanks for your time . . .

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Did Yogi ever hit it with Samantha? Well, just like their on-screen personas Samantha and Yogi did hook up. However, like most stars lovers who work together, it didn't last for long. Their break up was ugly. The two couldn't be in the same room, much less work together. Their split signaled the end of the show. Since the cancel of their toon, the two have made up, even being on again/off again lovers from time to time.


Boo-Boo Bear (Triple-T to his friends) was not gay. In fact, durring the shows first few years, he got more Poon due to the show than anybody else.(after one special night, the entire crew called him "Boner Bear") Unfortunately, conservatist groups began spreading the rumor that his character was, in fact, a homosexual. They thought that the relationship between Yogi and Boo-Boo was a little awkward and "Picnic baskets" was somekind of sexual inuendo. Worried about his career, Boo Boo went to producers to try and rectify the problem. Several attempts were made to add a romantic interest for Boo Boo, all of which failed. With the shows end and his career in jeopardy, Boo Boo fell into a deep depression. He turned to drugs for happiness, wasting all of his fortune on his habbit. Down on his luck, contemplating suicide, his fate seemed sealed. Luckily, one of his best friends and former costars, Ranger Smith, stepped in to help. He enrolled Boo Boo in a drug rehabilitation clinic and helped him get back on his feet. Boo Boo is now better than ever. He has sought help from a shrink to help with his depression and has started a comedic act based on his experiences while working on the show.

"Yeah, I still hear the gay jokes from time to time, but after the whole Catholic church scandal and the Michael Jackson case, people seem to have moved on with their lives" stated Boo Boo in a recent interview from last year.

Though their show is canceled, the cast and crew of Yogi Bear still reunite ocassionally to film tv specials for their admiring fans.

[TEDDY]

http://tinypic.com/2cgba8

Why must you always depress me?:(

[nomorebans]

How come whenever I get really excited, it makes me have to poop

[TEDDY]

How come whenever I get really excited, it makes me have to poop

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

You probably have really weak bowels, a condition some people have but most denny. You see, when you are excited or surprised, you aren't focused on holding it in, thus your need to go.

My suggestion is to eat more fiber, wear some pampers, and call an actual expert, beacause I don't know anything about this ****!!!(pun not intended)

[nomorebans]

thank you, but whats pun?

[I_am_budders]

Where's the best place to hide a body?

[nomorebans]

a closet

[TEDDY]

Where's the best place to hide a body?


a closet

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg


Hey, whose the advice guy here?:p

The best place to hide a body is where everybody expects to see a body. In a fresh grave would be the best bet...

... wait, what are you planning? Don't do it. You'll get caught.

[nomorebans]

I got the shovel!

[TEDDY]

oh, boy...

[nomorebans]

Oh, girl...

[lockjaw]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Did Yogi ever hit it with Samantha? Well, just like their on-screen personas Samantha and Yogi did hook up. However, like most stars lovers who work together, it didn't last for long. Their break up was ugly. The two couldn't be in the same room, much less work together. Their split signaled the end of the show. Since the cancel of their toon, the two have made up, even being on again/off again lovers from time to time.


Boo-Boo Bear (Triple-T to his friends) was not gay. In fact, durring the shows first few years, he got more Poon due to the show than anybody else.(after one special night, the entire crew called him "Boner Bear") Unfortunately, conservatist groups began spreading the rumor that his character was, in fact, a homosexual. They thought that the relationship between Yogi and Boo-Boo was a little awkward and "Picnic baskets" was somekind of sexual inuendo. Worried about his career, Boo Boo went to producers to try and rectify the problem. Several attempts were made to add a romantic interest for Boo Boo, all of which failed. With the shows end and his career in jeopardy, Boo Boo fell into a deep depression. He turned to drugs for happiness, wasting all of his fortune on his habbit. Down on his luck, contemplating suicide, his fate seemed sealed. Luckily, one of his best friends and former costars, Ranger Smith, stepped in to help. He enrolled Boo Boo in a drug rehabilitation clinic and helped him get back on his feet. Boo Boo is now better than ever. He has sought help from a shrink to help with his depression and has started a comedic act based on his experiences while working on the show.

"Yeah, I still hear the gay jokes from time to time, but after the whole Catholic church scandal and the Michael Jackson case, people seem to have moved on with their lives" stated Boo Boo in a recent interview from last year.

Though their show is canceled, the cast and crew of Yogi Bear still reunite ocassionally to film tv specials for their admiring fans.

My god. That was the best post I've ever read. I'm a big fan of your's Mr.Bear. Thanks for your time and obvious attention to detail. That read like an E True Hollywood Story. Many thanks and I look forword to you helping me with any bear-related questions should I ever have one again in the rest of my life.

[TEDDY]

My god. That was the best post I've ever read. I'm a big fan of your's Mr.Bear. Thanks for your time and obvious attention to detail. That read like an E True Hollywood Story. Many thanks and I look forword to you helping me with any bear-related questions should I ever have one again in the rest of my life.

All in a days work.

[I_am_budders]

They'll never catch me, I'm sneaky, like ninja.

[sassycat]

LOL Teddy you avvi rulz (dance teddy! dance!) http://www.superherohype.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif:D:up::up:

[TEDDY]

LOL Teddy you avvi rulz (dance teddy! dance!) http://www.superherohype.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif:D:up::up:

Indeed!:up:

[TEDDY]

Next question!

[I_am_budders]

I have stain, similar to red wine, a little thicker, what's the best way to get it out?

[TEDDY]

I have stain, similar to red wine, a little thicker, what's the best way to get it out?

......

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/clueless.jpg

Go to the dry cleaners and give it to someone who knows what they are actually doing.

[TEDDY]

Next question!

[Strange]

What do bears use for toilet paper? With all that hair poo must collect up like a *****.

[HollyBeth0321]

Where do bears stand on gay bear marriage?

[TEDDY]

What do bears use for toilet paper? With all that hair poo must collect up like a *****.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Pine cones... lots and lots of pine cones.

[TEDDY]

Where do bears stand on gay bear marriage?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Some are for, some against. But we're a little more open minded than human government. After all, one of our leadding diplomats is a bear by the name of "Smokey". How do you think he got that name? From preventing forrest fires?:rolleyes:

[Shucky]

Nice:)

[Caliber]

Where do bears stand on abortion?

[Philly Phanboy]

Can bears really "smell fear"; and if so, what does fear smell like?

[TEDDY]

Where do bears stand on abortion?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, since bears don't have abortions, we really can't stake a claim on the issue. I might not like it, but I am prochoice, however I think someone should slap some sense into the women who can't keep their legs closed and get pregnant cause they "Didn't feel like taking the pill."

[TEDDY]

Can bears really "smell fear"; and if so, what does fear smell like?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Yes and no. You see, when most sane people come face to face with a 7 ft, 600 lb wild, untrained grizzly bear, they usually will piss and/or **** themselves out of fear. It's sort of a natural reaction to the situation. After all, he's a bear. Given the chance, HE WILL EAT YOU!!!

Thus, when a bear smells piss in your pants, he knows he's put the fear in ya.

[TEDDY]

Next Question!

[Captain_Obvious]

I want to move back home :(
but I'd hate to hear "I told you so." from family members :mad:

what should I do, wise Teddy?

[TEDDY]

I want to move back home :(
but I'd hate to hear "I told you so." from family members :mad:

what should I do, wise Teddy?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

Well, this is a little tough. Parents want their kids to grow, yet they are quick to point out that they don't feel that your ready for the "real world".

My best suggestion is, when you move back in, explain that you fell on rough times financially and that your only there temporarily until you can pick get back on your feet. Your parents should understand your predicament and give you no hassle.

If they still give you a hard time, stress that you're only their for a short period and that if they have to make a big deal about it you can just live on the streets for now. No parent wants to see their kid living on the street.

[Triad]

http://www.killsometime.com/humor/humor.asp?humor=Angry-Teddy

[dcbmp]

If the new Star Wars episode 3 Clone Trooper toys(20 of them) took on 10 Teddy Bears who would win???
Are Star Wars toys better than Teddy Bears??
Do those Marine, Army, Air Force, and Navy bears serve??

[TEDDY]

If the new Star Wars episode 3 Clone Trooper toys(20 of them) took on 10 Teddy Bears who would win???
Are Star Wars toys better than Teddy Bears??
Do those Marine, Army, Air Force, and Navy bears serve??

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v618/teddybear007/mail011.jpg

1) Close call, but if accesories were involved as well, Clone Troopers.

2) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... no, no they are not.

3) No. They're on the reserves, and no body wants them to fight.