View Full Version : Marvel's House of WTF
Ultimate_Superman
05-13-2005, 10:11 AM
In another thread this title was brought up and I just thought it would be fun to poke fun and think of some ideas that seems like something in Marvels relm right now.
Doc Destruction
05-13-2005, 11:27 AM
Not only did MJ not tell Peter about Gwen and Norman....
She forgot to mention it was a threesome...and she was in on it.
I think I just threw up in my mouth.
3dman27
05-13-2005, 12:27 PM
mj reveals she's working part time for iron fist
as the womens champion of his new prizefighting alliance
Adrian_Tepes
05-13-2005, 12:31 PM
Not only did MJ not tell Peter about Gwen and Norman....
She forgot to mention it was a threesome...and she was in on it.
I think I just threw up in my mouth.
If that EVER appears in ANY Marvel title.
...I will kill Joey Q.
Oh yes.
LarryLegend
05-13-2005, 12:41 PM
Years back Norman Osborn had an affair with Mary Parker and is Peter's biological dad.
Langoth
05-13-2005, 12:55 PM
It turns out, Norman Osborn is Peter's father, and molested him as a young child :P
The Goblin twins and Harry were really his Siblings!
ANd it turns out Eddie Brock is his cousin/brother, who was the result of inbreeding from Norman and May!
And, MJ is now having Norman's baby (as it all has to revolve around him of course). Oh and what the heck, make MJ think Magneto is the father, just for flavor.
Ultimate_Superman
05-13-2005, 01:40 PM
Heres a shocker:
Peter and MJ's baby was really Ben and MJ baby.
LarryLegend
05-13-2005, 01:58 PM
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).
Venom_uk
05-13-2005, 02:00 PM
Eddie Brock trys to commit suicide (again) having sold his Symbiote suit off, which later tracks down & joins with Mac Gargan aka the Scorpion creating SCORPEM!!!
Oh, hang on a sec....
:venom:
Langoth
05-13-2005, 02:06 PM
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).
Ok, THAT was a good one.
Ultimate_Superman
05-13-2005, 02:08 PM
How about this it follows the JMS/Joey Q Soap Opera mentality. Peter is really the son of Norman Osborn (Mary Parker and Norman had an affair). MJ is also the daughter of Norman. Thus MJ and Peter are married and each other's sibling.
Continuing with the Soap Mentality, Baby May was the product of a one night stand between MJ and Eddie Brock. She just couldn't resist his magnatism.
Baby May is still alive and is being raised by Flash Thompson and his lover Randy Robertson. (Hey Randy has been missing). The Flash that's in a coma is really a clone (more of Norman's mind tricks).The sad part about this is I can see most of these ideas becoming a reality :(
Thanos6
05-13-2005, 02:28 PM
In one particularly confused moment, Peter and Ben Reilly had sex with each other, wondering if counted as sex or just a particularly complex method of jacking off.
Symbiotica
05-13-2005, 04:17 PM
THREAD-TITLE OF THE YEAR!!!! LOL seriously, I laughed out loud :gg:
Spider-Man9X17
05-13-2005, 06:20 PM
Uncle Ben was really Peter's father, having had an affair with Mary Parker. Aunt May found out years later, and in a fit of rage, murdered Ben, and then told police there was a robbery. The fact that there was a crook cornered that night, and it was the one Peter let escape, is just pure coincidence.
During MJ's time in Hollywood, she worked as a hooker on the side, servicing all employees of her movie studio. MJ couldn't resist the magnetism of one of the special effects men, and took him in a moment of passion, forgetting protection. She bore the child of the special effects person, but gave the child up for adoption. The father will turn out to be a very-much-alive Quentin Beck, who faked his death after buying Spider-man's real identity off of Norman Osborn. He then fled to Europe or somewhere and orchestrated MJ's plane crash and death, as well as her return and subsequent move to Hollywood, so that he could woo her and impregnate her as a way of attacking Peter. (Hmmm, something about that seems vaguely familiar...)
You know, this might be dangerous. We may be giving ol Joey Q and JMS ideas.
Spider-Dean
05-13-2005, 06:31 PM
why can i see the Norman is Peters Dad and harry is his Brother story line happening????
how am i supposed to get this out of my head?
OtepApe
05-13-2005, 07:29 PM
Eddie Brock trys to commit suicide (again) having sold his Symbiote suit off, which later tracks down & joins with Mac Gargan aka the Scorpion creating SCORPEM!!!
Oh, hang on a sec....
:venom:
You b*****d!! :mad:
You had to bring that up as I was forgetting about it, didn't you! ;)
LarryLegend
05-13-2005, 10:56 PM
Uncle Ben was really Peter's father, having had an affair with Mary Parker. Aunt May found out years later, and in a fit of rage, murdered Ben, and then told police there was a robbery. The fact that there was a crook cornered that night, and it was the one Peter let escape, is just pure coincidence.
During MJ's time in Hollywood, she worked as a hooker on the side, servicing all employees of her movie studio. MJ couldn't resist the magnetism of one of the special effects men, and took him in a moment of passion, forgetting protection. She bore the child of the special effects person, but gave the child up for adoption. The father will turn out to be a very-much-alive Quentin Beck, who faked his death after buying Spider-man's real identity off of Norman Osborn. He then fled to Europe or somewhere and orchestrated MJ's plane crash and death, as well as her return and subsequent move to Hollywood, so that he could woo her and impregnate her as a way of attacking Peter. (Hmmm, something about that seems vaguely familiar...)
You know, this might be dangerous. We may be giving ol Joey Q and JMS ideas.
Well done my friend
LarryLegend
05-13-2005, 10:58 PM
Here's one, there is no such person as Spider-Man. The real Peter Parker is an inmate in an asylum and what we've been reading all these years are the dellusions he has.
SpiderFan17
05-13-2005, 11:17 PM
Uncle Ben lived, but faked his death, got plastic surgery, and changed his name to... Norman Osborn.
Hey, he was bitter that Pete was the one responsible for it all in the first place!
Manic
05-14-2005, 12:02 AM
After a violent nightmare, Aunt May wakes up in a cold sweat. She hears water running in her bathroom, and rushes to see what it is. It's the shower. She pulls back the curtain only to reveal...
Uncle Ben. May describes a terrible dream she had where Peter was bitten by a spidey, got superpowers, and couldn't save Ben from a robber. Ben comforts May, telling her it was all a dream.
imdaly
05-14-2005, 02:13 AM
:D Glad to see my little innocent post in the Flash Thompson thread spawned such a great reaction!
Here's some more of my ideas:
Intent on answering all unanswered questions ever in the MU with quick knee-jerk solutions (such as Wolverine's origin), we finally learn the shocking name of The Burglar...Richard Parker!
After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick: Wolverine
As Peter is helping move Aunt May's belongings to the Avengers Mansion, he comes upon an old picture of May and Ben with a little boy. Peter, knowing it's not him, confronts May with the pictures, demanding why he was never told about his cousin. May calmly responds that Pete has nothing to worry about. That wasn't his cousin, it was May's midget pimp.
In an effort to increase her popularity, Black Cat finally gets breast implants.
Kangaroo returns with suped-up powers! He is now able to control everyone in new york, ESPECIALLY SPIDER-MAN, using his new-found power over creatures with the "marsupial gene". Apparently, a spider is now concidered a marsupial, and Spidey is put under Kangaroo's influence. The result ends with Peter becoming pregnant and giving birth to himself. Peter is forever changed, for now he has the power to carry himself around in his own pouch.
The climax to Marvel: House of WTF is the battle waged between the newly-fused 616 and Ultimate Universes. It's 616 Spidey vs. Ultimate Spidey in an all out fight-to-the-finish! Surprisingly enough, due to Bendis' creative control, Ultimate Spider-Man thouroughly trashes 616 Spidey, because apparently, Ultimate Spider-Man is the more experienced fighter, and 616 Spidey was too distrought over having torn his "booty"
3dman27
05-14-2005, 06:42 AM
Here's one, there is no such person as Spider-Man. The real Peter Parker is an inmate in an asylum and what we've been reading all these years are the dellusions he has.
that could be used to retcon the ultimate spidey series
Ultimate_Superman
05-14-2005, 07:33 AM
Here is a good one in a shocking tun of events JMS says sorry to the fans for about Sins of the past.
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."
The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.
Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
Venom_uk
05-14-2005, 01:43 PM
You b*****d!! :mad:
You had to bring that up as I was forgetting about it, didn't you! ;)
Sorry dude. Please forgive me. it wont happen again I promise! ;) lol
3dman27
05-14-2005, 02:47 PM
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."
The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.
Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...YEE-HAH THE BITES OF SPIDER
Démon
05-14-2005, 09:10 PM
Spider-Man House of WTF #1:
Peter's life comes to a screeching halt as Aunt May and Mary Jane suddenly disappear, with the only trace of their disappearance being a note from a mysterious kidnapper! Making the assumption that everyone else would these days, Pete rushes to confront Norman Osborn! But when Norman alleges that he knows nothing and reveals several other heirs to his legacy while dangling Betty Brant off a bridge, Spidey is forced to do some detective work!
Spider-Man House of WTF #2:
Spidey finds his first lead as he is confronted by his old enemy, the Big Wheel. Apparently, the Big Wheel who died was really a cosmetically altered actor and/or an illusion by Mysterio, who was under the employ of the now deceased Seymour O'Reilly. Does the Big Wheel have any connection to the kidnapper of Peter's loved ones? As it turns out, no.
Spider-Man House of WTF #3
Knowing of his amazing detective skills, Spider-Man pays a little visit to his old and close friend, the Silver Surfer! Can the duo unravel the mystery of Mary Jane and Aunt May's disappearances while holding off the combined threat of a spontaneously generated army of 20 Spidey clones?! And is that really The Spot leading the coup?
Spider-Man House of WTF #4
As it turns out, the Spidey clones and their leader were really mechanizations created by Arcade and a psychotic Vision. They were meant to provide a distraction, while the Hobgoblin acted upon a previously-unknown desire to take over the Daily Bugle and transform it into a fashion magazine! Will Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer, and the Juggernaut be able to defeat the Hobgoblin?! Defying even comic book logic, no.
Spider-Man House of WTF #5
Much to Spider-Man's shock, the confrontations with enemies and allies of the past four issues were all an elaborate hoax created by none other than a cross-dressing clone of Norman Osborn and his super-duper Wacky Avengers Neutralizer and Dimension Altering (W.A.N.D.A.) device! In much dismay, Spider-Man discovers Norman's sinister cross-dressing clone is NOT responsible for the vanishing loved ones. What will our hero do?!
Spider-Man House of WTF #6
Spider-Man's House of WTF wraps up this issue with the revelation that Aunt May and Mary Jane were lesbian lovers who fled to Denmark! On the road to find them, Peter must contend with such rogue gallery dregs as the Hypno-Hustler, the Walrus, an evil wheelchair-bound half-android Flash Thompson, and for some reason, Wolverine. Unfortunately, Spider-Man finds the both of them dead, as the victims of the cyborg Richard Parker created by Harry Osborn! After defeating the cyborg, Spider-Man returns to a normal life as a web-swinging bachelor, conveniently forgetting the tragic death of his loved ones as he faces suddenly-vampiric alien costumes and usually-inept-but-are-now-bone-breakingly-tough-beyond-logic villains.
Langoth
05-15-2005, 12:21 AM
Oh pffft.
everyone knows the Juggernaut, Silver Surfer and Spider-Man are no match for Kingsley! :P
:D Glad to see my little innocent post in the Flash Thompson thread spawned such a great reaction!
Here's some more of my ideas:
Intent on answering all unanswered questions ever in the MU with quick knee-jerk solutions (such as Wolverine's origin), we finally learn the shocking name of The Burglar...Richard Parker!
After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick: Wolverine
As Peter is helping move Aunt May's belongings to the Avengers Mansion, he comes upon an old picture of May and Ben with a little boy. Peter, knowing it's not him, confronts May with the pictures, demanding why he was never told about his cousin. May calmly responds that Pete has nothing to worry about. That wasn't his cousin, it was May's midget pimp.
In an effort to increase her popularity, Black Cat finally gets breast implants.
Kangaroo returns with suped-up powers! He is now able to control everyone in new york, ESPECIALLY SPIDER-MAN, using his new-found power over creatures with the "marsupial gene". Apparently, a spider is now concidered a marsupial, and Spidey is put under Kangaroo's influence. The result ends with Peter becoming pregnant and giving birth to himself. Peter is forever changed, for now he has the power to carry himself around in his own pouch.
The climax to Marvel: House of WTF is the battle waged between the newly-fused 616 and Ultimate Universes. It's 616 Spidey vs. Ultimate Spidey in an all out fight-to-the-finish! Surprisingly enough, due to Bendis' creative control, Ultimate Spider-Man thouroughly trashes 616 Spidey, because apparently, Ultimate Spider-Man is the more experienced fighter, and 616 Spidey was too distrought over having torn his "booty"
Ah ha ha ha ha!!! Nice! :up:
Very Funny! :D
3dman27
05-15-2005, 03:46 AM
Spider-Man House of WTF #1:
Peter's life comes to a screeching halt as Aunt May and Mary Jane suddenly disappear, with the only trace of their disappearance being a note from a mysterious kidnapper! Making the assumption that everyone else would these days, Pete rushes to confront Norman Osborn! But when Norman alleges that he knows nothing and reveals several other heirs to his legacy while dangling Betty Brant off a bridge, Spidey is forced to do some detective work!
Spider-Man House of WTF #2:
Spidey finds his first lead as he is confronted by his old enemy, the Big Wheel. Apparently, the Big Wheel who died was really a cosmetically altered actor and/or an illusion by Mysterio, who was under the employ of the now deceased Seymour O'Reilly. Does the Big Wheel have any connection to the kidnapper of Peter's loved ones? As it turns out, no.
Spider-Man House of WTF #3
Knowing of his amazing detective skills, Spider-Man pays a little visit to his old and close friend, the Silver Surfer! Can the duo unravel the mystery of Mary Jane and Aunt May's disappearances while holding off the combined threat of a spontaneously generated army of 20 Spidey clones?! And is that really The Spot leading the coup?
Spider-Man House of WTF #4
As it turns out, the Spidey clones and their leader were really mechanizations created by Arcade and a psychotic Vision. They were meant to provide a distraction, while the Hobgoblin acted upon a previously-unknown desire to take over the Daily Bugle and transform it into a fashion magazine! Will Spider-Man, the Silver Surfer, and the Juggernaut be able to defeat the Hobgoblin?! Defying even comic book logic, no.
Spider-Man House of WTF #5
Much to Spider-Man's shock, the confrontations with enemies and allies of the past four issues were all an elaborate hoax created by none other than a cross-dressing clone of Norman Osborn and his super-duper Wacky Avengers Neutralizer and Dimension Altering (W.A.N.D.A.) device! In much dismay, Spider-Man discovers Norman's sinister cross-dressing clone is NOT responsible for the vanishing loved ones. What will our hero do?!
Spider-Man House of WTF #6
Spider-Man's House of WTF wraps up this issue with the revelation that Aunt May and Mary Jane were lesbian lovers who fled to Denmark! On the road to find them, Peter must contend with such rogue gallery dregs as the Hypno-Hustler, the Walrus, an evil wheelchair-bound half-android Flash Thompson, and for some reason, Wolverine. Unfortunately, Spider-Man finds the both of them dead, as the victims of the cyborg Richard Parker created by Harry Osborn! After defeating the cyborg, Spider-Man returns to a normal life as a web-swinging bachelor, conveniently forgetting the tragic death of his loved ones as he faces suddenly-vampiric alien costumes and usually-inept-but-are-now-bone-breakingly-tough-beyond-logic villains.these are PARODY synopses why the spoilers tags :spidey: :spidey: :spidey:
In 2005 a crack Avengers unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-maximum-security stockade to the New York underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
L.A. Cage.
Steve "Hannibal" Rogers.
Tony "Face" Stark.
And Howlin' Mad Parker.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Avengers-Team.
spider-jide
05-15-2005, 12:05 PM
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."
The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.
Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
Damn dem du...parker boys.
shinlyle
05-16-2005, 10:27 AM
Peter is eating at a Mexican resturaunt, when he is suddenly hit with exploding diarrhea!! He runs to the bathroom, and sits on the toilet to relieve himself. He stands, and notices a rash on his ass.
It turns out that Norman put turbo-laxative into the food, and then he rubbed shellfish all over the toilet seat (Peter is allergic to shell-fish thanks to House of M), and now Peter must use a topical ointment on his ass every 30 minutes!
PLOT TWIST! MJ knew all along, but didn' ttell Peter.....she gave Norman the shellfish!!!!
TheCorpulent1
05-16-2005, 11:35 AM
In 2005 a crack Avengers unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-maximum-security stockade to the New York underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
L.A. Cage.
Steve "Hannibal" Rogers.
Tony "Face" Stark.
And Howlin' Mad Parker.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Avengers-Team.
Heh, nice. You really loved the '80s, didn't you? ;)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Batman, Ronald Reagan in the White House... what wasn't to love?
Orpheus
05-16-2005, 12:33 PM
MJ reveals she's had herpes all these years.
shinlyle
05-16-2005, 01:04 PM
Peter travels to the Avengers mansion/Tower/WTF-ever to find MJ in the middle of a gang-bang with Cap and Wolverine while Tony Stark operates an incredibly old camera.
As Peter looks around for Norman Osborn (who is behind everything) he sees a giddy bald man standing in the corner. He mistakes him for Uatu the Watcher, and then realizes it isn't Uatu at all, but his archenemy....BENDIS!!
Spidey leaps at his foe, only to be bogged down by continuity and have his arm broken by a retarded prison inmate! Spidey is then unmasked and paraded in front of all the Avengers, the entire legion of Prisoners at The Raft, and then stripped naked in front of his fellow Avengers.
As all hope seems lost, Spidey uses his newly-developed organic webshooters
to shoot a strand of webbing onto BENDIS's crotch, which he mistakens fro semen, and scratches at long enough for Spidey to make a clean break, and get his clothes back on.
Spidey calls his attention, and asks Bendis his master plan. Bendis begins his inane ranting and begind to stutter and have his speech cluttered by an abundance od periods which slow down his delivery of his own words!
Spidey then webs up Bendis's arms, and breaks them, along with his jaw and his feet so that he may in no way communicate furthur stories to anyone. Spidey then calls on Dr. Strange to aid him in opening a mystical doorway to a parallel universe.....The Powers Universe.
Now, Bendis is forced to live in a world full of stuttering and incomplete sentences. The dangling plot threads and useless villians will be only part of the hell awaiting him in his own....HOUSE OF M!!!
Ultimate_Superman
05-16-2005, 02:07 PM
Peter is eating at a Mexican resturaunt, when he is suddenly hit with exploding diarrhea!! He runs to the bathroom, and sits on the toilet to relieve himself. He stands, and notices a rash on his ass.
It turns out that Norman put turbo-laxative into the food, and then he rubbed shellfish all over the toilet seat (Peter is allergic to shell-fish thanks to House of M), and now Peter must use a topical ointment on his ass every 30 minutes!
PLOT TWIST! MJ knew all along, but didn' ttell Peter.....she gave Norman the shellfish!!!!LOL
Ultimate_Superman
05-16-2005, 02:09 PM
Peter travels to the Avengers mansion/Tower/WTF-ever to find MJ in the middle of a gang-bang with Cap and Wolverine while Tony Stark operates an incredibly old camera.
As Peter looks around for Norman Osborn (who is behind everything) he sees a giddy bald man standing in the corner. He mistakes him for Uatu the Watcher, and then realizes it isn't Uatu at all, but his archenemy....BENDIS!!
Spidey leaps at his foe, only to be bogged down by continuity and have his arm broken by a retarded prison inmate! Spidey is then unmasked and paraded in front of all the Avengers, the entire legion of Prisoners at The Raft, and then stripped naked in front of his fellow Avengers.
As all hope seems lost, Spidey uses his newly-developed organic webshooters
to shoot a strand of webbing onto BENDIS's crotch, which he mistakens fro semen, and scratches at long enough for Spidey to make a clean break, and get his clothes back on.
Spidey calls his attention, and asks Bendis his master plan. Bendis begins his inane ranting and begind to stutter and have his speech cluttered by an abundance od periods which slow down his delivery of his own words!
Spidey then webs up Bendis's arms, and breaks them, along with his jaw and his feet so that he may in no way communicate furthur stories to anyone. Spidey then calls on Dr. Strange to aid him in opening a mystical doorway to a parallel universe.....The Powers Universe.
Now, Bendis is forced to live in a world full of stuttering and incomplete sentences. The dangling plot threads and useless villians will be only part of the hell awaiting him in his own....HOUSE OF M!!!You remember from the CINO forum what if Pitof made this and that we should do one for Bendis.
shinlyle
05-16-2005, 02:30 PM
You remember from the CINO forum what if Plof made this and that we should do one for Bendis.
Hey! The Pitof thread still exists in the DC Comic Movies Forum!!!
Yes....a "What if Bendis Directed"....thread!
I like it!
Ultimate_Superman
05-16-2005, 02:38 PM
Or JMS
shinlyle
05-16-2005, 03:05 PM
How about:
"What if an absent-minded Marvel writer got ahold of ________?"
That way we can insert an author and a character.
Ultimate_Superman
05-17-2005, 12:57 PM
I like the idea no where would we put it? In the marvel comic section?
shinlyle
05-17-2005, 01:24 PM
I like the idea no where would we put it? In the marvel comic section?
Sounds like a plan to me.
3dman27
05-17-2005, 02:34 PM
norman osborn gains access to ff hq and totheir time machine which he uses to send spider-man to the ww2 era unable to return to the 21 century pete must adapt to his new,so to speak environment
LarryLegend
05-17-2005, 09:55 PM
Two mysterious people (one male, one female) stalk Peter Parker. They are revealed to be the children of Gwen Stacy. Then its revealed Norman Osborn is father. Wait JMS already wrote that piece of crap.
In a shocking turn of events, Peter learns that he and Ezekiel are not the only followers of the spider totem. He embarks on an epic quest, travelling from country to country and decapitating his rival spider avatars to gain their power. Finally, he kills the last of the avatars and gains cosmic powers, becoming like unto a god. Then the inevitable happens...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v26/liviapenn/exiles/cosmic_kink.jpg
XSpidercideX
05-18-2005, 01:03 AM
[QUOTE=imdaly]:D
After countless defeats and the hands of his enemies, Spider-Man finally decides it's time for a sidekick: Wolverine
[QUOTE]
I knew this one was coming and i still was rotflmao after uncovering that spoiler.
Miss Webb
05-18-2005, 11:07 AM
Aunt May turns out to be a drag queen. Shocked to the core, Peter decides to get a sex change. Then he changes his mind again and is changed BACK into a man, but something goes wrong...all the female parts can't be removed. So he goes on broadway as a half man/woman that can spin webs. MJ decides to have male parts attached, so they can be the perfect 'couple' and make twice the money on their transsexual triservice act.
And now, back to the show...
Doc_OCK_4MUGEN
05-18-2005, 06:28 PM
Ok... Y' know that Norman died impaled on his glider but he didn't die... well here's the true story...
Harry found out that Norman was the goblin, he later forgot because of the acid trips... When Harry found Norman impaled by the glider he called Miles Warren and forced him to make a... yup! a Norman Clone, from the remains of Norman Osborn.The Osborn that supposedly ran away to Europe was in fact a clone!
When Harry died the first Norman clone felt the symptoms of degeneration and masterminded the clone saga. The "Original" Norman was kept in cryogenic containment and cloned whenever clone degeneration affected the current Norman. (memory downloads were used to keep Norman in "Continuity") Norman hired the Hypno Hustler to make believe MJ that Norman slept with Gwen and all that Sins Past BS... The reason behind the Kids symptoms is Clone Degeneration + Goblin Formula...
The real genetic makeup of Sarha and Gabriel is Parker clone + Stacy Clone + Osborn clone...
Aunt May is really dead, but the "Aunt May" we have now is an actress hired by Norman to screw with Peter's mind... the only problem is that the actress grew fond of Peter...
Ben Reilly is believed to be dead. He must let the world think that he is dead because he is not a Spider clone... He is one of the twin sons of Mary Parker and an unofficial SHIELD Operative...yup! Logan! Now with Peter moving to the Avengers base he might meet with his true father... who has the hots for MJ... Jarvis has the hots for May...
Auntie May
05-18-2005, 07:22 PM
Well, I still think Peter is the love child of Mary Parker and another man...she had an affair with Nick Fury
Auntie May
05-18-2005, 07:26 PM
Mary-Jane is hired to play the lead in a multimillion-dollar action flick by Michael Bay, being shot on location in the Deep South. There, Peter learns that Ben Reilly is still alive. Ben poses as Peter's cousin, dying his hair blonde. The Parkers so love the traditional Southern cooking that they decide to stay even after the movie wraps. Since there are no skyscrapers to swing off of, Peter rebuilds the Spider-Mobile. They dub it the "Uncle Ben."
The Parker boys, assisted by Mary-Jane (who now wears almost exclusively cut-off jeans) and Aunt May, fight the corrupt practices of County Commissioner Boss Norm (now the White Goblin, due to only wearing white, even after labor day) and Sheriff Otto J. Octavius. They also receive aid from the bumbling Deputy Enos Brock and mechanic Robbie Robertson in their quest for justice.
Proving some things never change, local paper magnate J. Jonah Jameson writes scathing editorials about Ben and Pete, despite them being just a couple of good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm...
OMG..this is funny. I can't get that Waylon Jennings song out of my head since I read it (and I don't even like country music :D )
Those cutoffs are actually called Daisy Dukes..when I was living in Texas many years ago and was volunteering for a day at a local community charity they actually warned me not to wear anything inappropriate (including Daisy Dukes)
3dman27
05-23-2005, 04:46 AM
hey kenny mCcall whats your take on this thread?
JLBats
05-23-2005, 11:00 AM
While fleeing a crime scene Spidey is shot. A little boy recovers the bullet, coated in blood, and sets out to make his own spidey. The new one which he creates by some miraculous coincidence kills Norman Osborn for some reason, then removes his mask in public. Real Peter is taken into custody, but escapes and realises he must track down the little boy... who is revealed to be the reincarnation of Norman Osborn for some reason even though he was born before Norman died! The arc ends when the clone Spidey kills the real Spidey, brings Harry back from the grave with Flash Thompson's blood and kill KidNorman. Clone Spidey proceeds to live the regular life like nothing happened... until 7 issues later when Harry tells MAry Jane what happened to real Peter...
Ultimate_Superman
05-23-2005, 02:59 PM
Sounds like a plan to me.You should make the thread though because they don't like me over there I spoke out on how Marvel's comics are right now and they got mad:(
shinlyle
05-23-2005, 03:12 PM
You should make the thread though because they don't like me over there I spoke out on how Marvel's comics are right now and they got mad:(
They are living so far in denial that it is pathetic. I read alot of Marvel, always have, always will, but I knwo when I'm reading crap.
Amazing Spider-Man, New Avengers, Every X-book with the exception of Wolverine and Astonishing X-Men, Daredevil (which I used to like SO much) and so many others are sucking so hard right now. They really are.
DC isn't perfect by any means, considering the monosyllabic, growling, monologuing imbecile Batman that half of the writers use. They at least try not to screw the fans over for the sake of "Shock"....althought they do turn out a P.O.S. like "Identity Crisis" every once in awhile.
Both companies are the best they can be when they are focusing on the characters and what attracts readers to them in the first place. Dc just seems to be doing it alot more lately than Marvel. Look at the upcoming All-Star batman & Robin and All-Star Superman! DAMN! You don't see Marvel doing s*** like that anymore.
Until Peter David comes back to Spidey next year, I remain unhappy. Right now, I have Young Avengers, Runaways, Spider-Man: Breakout, Ultimates 2, Ultimate X-Men, Ultimate Fantastic Four, Astonishing X-men, and Hulk to keep me entertained.
LarryLegend
05-23-2005, 04:36 PM
Harry Osborn comes back from the dead and reveals that the Norman we've recently seen is a clone. Harry then kills the Norman clone. Then its revealed that the Harry is also a clone created by Miles Warren. Warren kills the clone and then reveals he's been working all along for Aunt May, who blames Peter for Ben's death.
Harry Osborn comes back from the dead and reveals that the Norman we've recently seen is a clone. Harry then kills the Norman clone. Then its revealed that the Harry is also a clone created by Miles Warren. Warren kills the clone and then reveals he's been working all along for Aunt May, who blames Peter for Ben's death.
Who we find out is a genetic construct and not the real Aunt May. Norman was pulling the strings all along and Warren is miffed. He doesn't want to work for the guy who killed Gwen. But Norman lets him in on a secret. He didn't kill Gwen. That was a Gwen clone. Norman has been shagging Gwen for the last 10 years. He says she gets off on opium and magnetism. Norman is willing to share. This makes Miles happy. But Norman isn't really willing to share. He makes another Gwen and gives her to Miles. But heck, everyone's happy right? Well Peter feels like a million bucks until he finds out they are tossing his old girlfriend around like a salad. But Norman tells Peter, "Look son, I can keep cloning this girl, make genetic constructs that look like her too if I'm in the mood for constructs that day, you'll never know if you saved her or If I'm still shagging her. Plus you know I can make a white Goblin out of her and have her attack you where it hurts. So Give up on my schtick, will you? She made the first move Pete." After thinking about how he can raz Norman with a Mr. Coffee remark or hurt him with a Pizza Pie, he scratches his head and realizes, wow, I am Pathetic!"
I think I'll go have sex with my 10 year lying, also in on the joke, wife I have at home. If she IS my actual wife that is?.....
3dman27
05-31-2005, 06:32 AM
pete finds out that he was born in the last part of the 21rst century and sent back in time to escape the cataclysm of 2099
Orpheus
06-01-2005, 12:26 PM
May had an affair with Pete's Dad while his parents were together.
May had an affair with Pete's Dad while his parents were together.
...This actually happened, you know?
Electro UK
06-01-2005, 04:00 PM
Norman was the one who killed Peter's parents after he'd raped Peter's mum
Ultimate_Superman
07-12-2005, 09:32 AM
Seeing this thread http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?t=183991 (showthread.php?t=183991) lets me know it is time to bring back MARVEL'S HOUSE OF WTF
Citizen_Kaine
07-12-2005, 11:37 AM
...This actually happened, you know?
Argggggg no mentioning the Trouble Miniseries here please, I have no idea what Milliar was on while writing it but lets just act like it never happened :)
Sauron
07-12-2005, 12:02 PM
Argggggg no mentioning the Trouble Miniseries here please, I have no idea what Milliar was on while writing it but lets just act like it never happened :)
I guess we have to do that with a few things. (covers ears and rocks back and forth on the floor.) "It didn't happen, it didn't happen. I'm at Disney land and Gwen had no babies, Aunt May didn't do that."
3dman27
07-12-2005, 04:20 PM
peter and mj are arrested on a public streetby the military police for being awol from th us army how can CIVILIANS be arrested by mps? mistaken identities the mp wanted brother and sister sgt peter parker and cpl.mary jane parker when our pete and mj keep getting mistaken for them spidey has to capture the awol twosome before not only are their reputaions ruined but mj and aunt mays protection by the avengers is lost
In a shocking plot twist, Mary-Jane takes off a wig and contacts to reveal that SHE is Gwen Stacy! All the times Gwen and Mary-Jane were in the same place was just chaos magic. The new woman has traits of both Gwen and Mary-Jane, thus keeping the comics more in line with the films, as it should be.
Miss Webb
07-14-2005, 03:35 PM
Peter finds out he's not really a Parker. He's the love child of the Spider God and Queen Bee...
Ultimate_Superman
07-15-2005, 07:27 AM
In a shocking plot twist MJ turns out to be a hologram. Wait that almost did happen in the comics.
3dman27
07-15-2005, 12:53 PM
Seeing this thread http://www.superherohype.com/forums/showthread.php?t=183991 (showthread.php?t=183991) lets me know it is time to bring back MARVEL'S HOUSE OF WTF
every time i click this link i get a page saying
"error cannot find showthread"
Citizen_Kaine
07-15-2005, 03:22 PM
In a shocking plot twist MJ turns out to be a hologram. Wait that almost did happen in the comics.
101 Ways to end the Clone Saga right?
3dman27
07-15-2005, 04:14 PM
mj as H.O.M.E.R.?
Ultimate_Superman
07-21-2005, 10:42 AM
A great movie for the house of wtf http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/251383
3dman27
07-21-2005, 10:54 AM
Well, I still think Peter is the love child of Mary Parker and another man...she had an affair with Nick Fury
are you sure it wasn't captain america?
zanos
07-21-2005, 11:03 AM
MJ is really Peter's biological sister.
3dman27
07-21-2005, 01:00 PM
MJ is really Peter's biological sister.
oh man
talk about the old parker luck
Popo 85
07-21-2005, 03:25 PM
That Newgrounds movie was REALLY funny. Thanks for the post. :D
Auntie May
07-21-2005, 08:09 PM
are you sure it wasn't captain america?
Or maybe Uncle Ben and Mary Parker
The Question
07-21-2005, 08:28 PM
Get this guys!!!! I've found a leaked peice of diologue for Grant Morrison's upcomeing return to Xmen:
Magneto: Xavier never told you the truth about your father.
Wolverine: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!!!
Magneto: No logan. I am your father.
Wolverine: No! That's impossible!!!
Magneto: You know it in your heart to be true.
Wolverine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Question
09-07-2005, 02:49 PM
Now guys, don't tell anyone, but......
Ronin will turn out to be Aunt May, who got superhuman abilities (and a split personality) due to The Green Goblin experimenting on her while she was held captive. Her other personality was triggered upon moving into the new Avengers HQ.
crivelliman
09-08-2005, 01:29 AM
Did anybody else find it particularly odd that, with Felicia on the human team in the HoM universe, and with everyone on said team's minds restored to their original state, that she might have had more issue with the whole bringing Peter back to reality situation? That is to say, wouldn't she have volunteered to talk to Peter, rather than a character that Bendis and the other New Avengers tie-in writers have tried to convince us actively dislikes him? It made sense in the story, except for the fact that Felica was "in-the-know" and had a personal history with Peter. Just seems like a wasted opportunity, is all.
Citizen_Kaine
09-08-2005, 01:49 AM
Yeah, kinda strange, I'm not sure if Felicia had been awakened at that point in time anyway, And how did Cage know about Gwen? I'm pretty sure Peter wouldn't have a heart to heart with Power Man of all people.
Two More Variant Covers To Go :up:
Speaking of which... Why is Nightcrawler on the evil side?:confused:
http://store1.yimg.com/I/wizarduniverse_1861_21958757
3dman27
09-08-2005, 03:48 AM
Now guys, don't tell anyone, but......
Ronin will turn out to be Aunt May, who got superhuman abilities (and a split personality) due to The Green Goblin experimenting on her while she was held captive. Her other personality was triggered upon moving into the new Avengers HQ.
WOOF
The Question
09-09-2005, 12:11 AM
Yeah, kinda strange, I'm not sure if Felicia had been awakened at that point in time anyway, And how did Cage know about Gwen? I'm pretty sure Peter wouldn't have a heart to heart with Power Man of all people.
Two More Variant Covers To Go :up:
Speaking of which... Why is Nightcrawler on the evil side?:confused:
http://store1.yimg.com/I/wizarduniverse_1861_21958757
Because he's a mutant. In the regular reality, he got weird looks and was treated badly everywhere he goes. In the House of M verse, he'd be treated like a king.
crivelliman
09-09-2005, 01:07 PM
Unfortunately the cover doesn't work because in the most recent issue of HoM, Nightcrawler's on the "awakened" side.
Arkady Rossovich
09-24-2005, 01:00 PM
Bottom line...The house of m isnt worth anyone`s time.Its just a hyped up egotistic writer`s dream at having his name up with Marvel`s greatest writers,at a attempt at imortaltiy.When infact fans hate him,people are going to DC his continuity is already being ignored,and m will eventually b forgotten,or hated.This is really like the title of the thread...not the hosue of m...but..
'The House Of WTF'
Ultimate_Superman
02-21-2006, 01:41 PM
After whats been going on with Spidey I think its time to bring this thread back :(
LarryLegend
02-21-2006, 02:28 PM
Sad thing is reading the books right now is like reading a monthly version of Marvel's house of WTF
Ultimate_Superman
02-21-2006, 02:31 PM
^ :up: :(
Doomed_hero
02-21-2006, 02:39 PM
While on a mission in his past, Logan meets Mary Parker who is away on a solo mission for the govement. She meets Logan and on a mission they fall for each other having a one night stand. She ends up becoming pregnent and has the baby hiding what has happen from her husband.
Ultimate_Superman
02-21-2006, 02:57 PM
so thats why he has claws
I bet you they will reveal sometime in the future that Wolvie has an illegitimate child(ren) and maybe even grandchildren due to how long he has been alive for. I doubt it would be because of time travel tho.
Although if Wolvie was the father of Pete they could say that that is why his parents are missing.
Doomed_hero
02-21-2006, 04:31 PM
Or how about Peter was left at home sick with Aunt May and Uncle Ben while his mom and dad went on a plane ride. Yet Peter does not remeber that he had two brothers that went with the parents, and that ship was attacked by a Alien crusher. Aunt May thought the two brothers also died and was so shocked that she blocks it in her memory never telling Pete and changing his last name to hhers and Bens (Ben agreed to keep her maiden name.). The two brothers survive and become Cyclops and Havok. thats right, PETER IS THE THIRD SUMMER'S BROTHER.
hulkamania85
02-21-2006, 06:12 PM
Spider-Man turns into the Man-Spider again and gets taken out by Mary Jane. How?
She's been fattening up on Aunt May's wheatcakes, allowing her to outwrestle Man-Spider.
A mysterious masked opponent then challenges Mary Jane. He reveals himself to be Uncle Ben, ressurected due to the cosmic balance being destroyed due to the violation of the Bucky rule. MJ is able to defeat Uncle Ben though, due to the wheatcakes. It's all in the wheatcakes.
Next issue: Can MJ put away enough wheatcakes to take out Galactus?
roach
02-21-2006, 07:05 PM
10) It is revealed that Ezekial was Peter sent from the future by the Spider-god to help him in his time of need.
9)MJ is revealed to be a shard of the Phoenix and disappears when Jean comes back.
8)The spider that bit Peter returns to complete the transformation
7) Peter wakes up in a looney bin to discover he has been dreaming of his life as Spider-man...he actually killed Uncle Ben and went crazy.
6) Peter has met the Spider-god...now enter the Spider-devil
5) Peter stops obsessing about his high school sweetheart and gets on with his life with MJ(seriously when is this gonna happen)
4) Midtown comes on the WB...it's about a preSpiderman but powered Peter obsessing about Gwen and fighting different radioactive freaks of the week.
3)Spiderman is captured by Apocalypse and made into a Horseman...his stingers become coated with Adamantium
2)Spiderman Disassembled...there is no Spidergod...the powers werent earned.
1) Spiderman is facing off against Thanos who is wielding the Infinity Gauntlet and a cosmic cube. Peter calls upon the full might of his mystic spider powers and the two explode in a fury of energy. Peter...now a form of energy is sent back in time and becomes the radiation that hits the spider that bit him at the science exhibit.
Citizen_Kaine
02-21-2006, 07:44 PM
7) Peter wakes up in a looney bin to discover he has been dreaming of his life as Spider-man...he actually killed Uncle Ben and went crazy..
That would be a sweet ending to a What If? story :up:
stillanerd
02-21-2006, 08:41 PM
In the noble tradition of Sins Past, the following will soon be revealed in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man:
1. Mary Jane, during the time she was in Florida pursuing her modeling career, met a cabana club lounge singer, and after a getting rip-roaring drunk, they got a quickie marriage. MJ filed for divorce faster than Britney Spears. Unforunately, it didn't go through which means MJ is still married to the guy, making her a bigamist and her marriage to Peter null and void.
2. Gwen didn't just sleep with Norman that fateful night--she also slept with his son, Harry...in a menage a trois. Harry walked in on them during the act and Norman invivted him to join in for a "moment of quality time between father and son" by sharing Gwen. Harry, intimidated by his dad and always having a crush on Gwen since childhood, agreed. This is the reason he later turned to drugs in order to cope.
3. Aunt May and Doc Ock also got in on and this is revealed during the marriage of May and Jarvis, with Doc Ock interfering with the ceremony a la Dustin Hoffman from The Graduate, saying Jarvis can never satisfy a beauty like May. "What do you mean by that, you toad," says Jarvis. Doc Ock holds up all four of his tentacles, smirks, and says "Take four wild guesses, you imbasillic twit."
4. Wolverine is Mary Jane's biological father (the real reason why her arm healed and not the complex medical attention Iron Man and Spider-Woman gave her.)
5. Nick Fury is Peter's biological father. However, Richard and Mary Parker gave birth to a son who had mutant spider-powers. Naturally, this will lead to the next arc guaranteed to change Spidey forever, "The Battle of the Spider-Brothers."
6. J. Jonah Jameson and Betty Brant got in on like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky during a New Year's Eve party at the Bugle (naturally, Betty was upset about being a widow and regretting that she never married Peter). As a result, Jameson cries out like George Castanza "I'm giving you a raise!"
7. Gabriel and Sarah are not just Norman and Gwen's kids, they are "clones" of Peter and Gwen. That's because Norman modified his reproductive genes with Peter and Gwen's DNA, much like Terry McGinnis' dad was with Batman's genes in JLU's "Epilogue." So Peter, technically, is a father after all.
8. And speaking of fatherhood, thanks to Peter "reawakening" to his "new powers" as a result of "The Other: Evolve or Die," he now has the ability to extract MJs ovums during intercourse and fertilize them inside his own body. This is revealed when he literally lays an egg sack when he's on the john and gives birth to hundreds of four-inch high "Man-Spiders" that terrorize the city a la "Gremlins."
deemar325
02-21-2006, 09:31 PM
Not only did MJ not tell Peter about Gwen and Norman....
She forgot to mention it was a threesome...and she was in on it.
I think I just threw up in my mouth.
LMAO! classic!! :up:
Doc_OCK_4MUGEN
02-22-2006, 06:01 AM
Peter Parker IS his OWN father... While messing with Doc Dooms time platform He acidentally killed Richard Parker. Now he was forced to marry his mom... The reason that created the stingers was caused to a secondary mutation, delayed by the radiation... in reality Peter Parker was a mutant...
3dman27
02-22-2006, 06:12 AM
Spider-Man turns into the Man-Spider again and gets taken out by Mary Jane. How?
She's been fattening up on Aunt May's wheatcakes, allowing her to outwrestle Man-Spider.
A mysterious masked opponent then challenges Mary Jane. He reveals himself to be Uncle Ben, ressurected due to the cosmic balance being destroyed due to the violation of the Bucky rule. MJ is able to defeat Uncle Ben though, due to the wheatcakes. It's all in the wheatcakes.
Next issue: Can MJ put away enough wheatcakes to take out Galactus? i like this post but
shouldn't that read"can mj put away enough wheatcake to give the black cat some bad luck?"
hulkamania85
02-22-2006, 08:45 AM
i like this post but
shouldn't that read"can mj put away enough wheatcake to give the black cat some bad luck?"
Sure. I guess at that point she wouldn't be at Galactus' level quite yet.
But that day would come...
Miss Webb
02-22-2006, 10:41 AM
In the noble tradition of Sins Past, the following will soon be revealed in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man:
8. And speaking of fatherhood, thanks to Peter "reawakening" to his "new powers" as a result of "The Other: Evolve or Die," he now has the ability to extract MJs ovums during intercourse and fertilize them inside his own body. This is revealed when he literally lays an egg sack when he's on the john and gives birth to hundreds of four-inch high "Man-Spiders" that terrorize the city a la "Gremlins."
This one was so funny I almost burst something.
Meanwhile, back to the show...
J Jonah Jameson reveals that HE is Peter's father. All the heckling is his way of showing affection.
Mary Jane turns out to be a clone, and Gwen returns after being genetically spliced from her OWN clone. The clone melts, of course. Baby May has also melted and disappeared, which is why she doesn't exist. She's Ben's kid, and fizzed up like he did.
Peter gives birth to himself again and the result is...Gabriel!!
3dman27
02-22-2006, 01:17 PM
mj a clone? that was in spider-man tas
hulkamania85
02-23-2006, 01:09 AM
i like this post but
shouldn't that read"can mj put away enough wheatcake to give the black cat some bad luck?"
I think I could find a way to pad this out into several issues.
Mostly through Bendis' style of padding out a story. Maybe MJ will take 5 panels sometimes to take a bite of wheatcake. Maybe the dialogue could be:
Panel 1: Aunt May:"Well don't fatten up too much dear, I can hardly out wrestle you now".
Panel 2: Awkward silence
panel 3: awkward silence
panel 4: MJ takes a drink from her cup
panel 5: MJ: "Hm."
panel 6: "You also got your modeling figure to think about..."
panel 7: MJ ponders
panel 8:MJ ponders
panel 9: "Yeah"
Yeah, I guess Aunt May and MJ would wrestle because...MJ needs to train for Man-Spider. That's it. The Spider-totem thingy has demanded that Man-Spider eliminate the woman he loves, and Mary Jane can't stand for that so she starts downing Aunt May's super wheatcakes. Aunt May would be in MJ's corner like Mickey in Rockey. MJ fights Man-Spider in a grueling contest, with a great deal of the Marvel Universe looking on. They go wild as MJ lifts Man-Spider over her head and slams Man-Spider. She then splashes him and it's over.
Then the uncle ben situation happens. Uncle Ben doesn't stand a chance, as he hasn't gotten the power boost from the wheatcakes in some time.
Black Cat then comes in to challenge MJ. Like Rocky III, this is the fight that makes MJ doubt herself. While the wheatcakes have given MJ amazing strength, just like uncle ben said, they fatten people up, and MJ's speed has been greatly reduced. Black Cat is able to outmanuever MJ and knock her down. MJ seems to be down and out. Then Aunt May returns from the kitchen and tosses a familiar treat, the wheat cake. MJ in a Popeye like effort catches the wheatcake and downs it. Like Popeye she springs back up.
MJ: "Black Cat I didn't hear no bell!"
One punch. Black Cat is down. Rocky...I mean MJ4 will involve the big bad russian Ivan...I mean the Russian. MJ5 will be Galactus because no one wants to see another Rocky 5.
hulkamania85
03-08-2006, 08:53 AM
Mary Jane wakes up from a horrible nightmare and goes over to Peter and starts to explain the horrible dream she had about Spider-Man and Green Goblin and Venom and Norman's kids and so on. Peter looks at her and asks "who's Spider-Man?".
Miss Webb
03-11-2006, 11:15 AM
Spidey wakes up fat, 400lbs. He squeezes into new spandex gear, and crooks laugh themselves into jail watching him swing...
New fighting strategy involves falling on villans and pasting them. He moonlights as Santa on Christmas at the malls. MJ files for divorce as Pete squashes her every morning...
Superbeasto
03-13-2006, 12:16 PM
In the noble tradition of Sins Past, the following will soon be revealed in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man:
1. Mary Jane, during the time she was in Florida pursuing her modeling career, met a cabana club lounge singer, and after a getting rip-roaring drunk, they got a quickie marriage. MJ filed for divorce faster than Britney Spears. Unforunately, it didn't go through which means MJ is still married to the guy, making her a bigamist and her marriage to Peter null and void.
2. Gwen didn't just sleep with Norman that fateful night--she also slept with his son, Harry...in a menage a trois. Harry walked in on them during the act and Norman invivted him to join in for a "moment of quality time between father and son" by sharing Gwen. Harry, intimidated by his dad and always having a crush on Gwen since childhood, agreed. This is the reason he later turned to drugs in order to cope.
3. Aunt May and Doc Ock also got in on and this is revealed during the marriage of May and Jarvis, with Doc Ock interfering with the ceremony a la Dustin Hoffman from The Graduate, saying Jarvis can never satisfy a beauty like May. "What do you mean by that, you toad," says Jarvis. Doc Ock holds up all four of his tentacles, smirks, and says "Take four wild guesses, you imbasillic twit."
4. Wolverine is Mary Jane's biological father (the real reason why her arm healed and not the complex medical attention Iron Man and Spider-Woman gave her.)
5. Nick Fury is Peter's biological father. However, Richard and Mary Parker gave birth to a son who had mutant spider-powers. Naturally, this will lead to the next arc guaranteed to change Spidey forever, "The Battle of the Spider-Brothers."
6. J. Jonah Jameson and Betty Brant got in on like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky during a New Year's Eve party at the Bugle (naturally, Betty was upset about being a widow and regretting that she never married Peter). As a result, Jameson cries out like George Castanza "I'm giving you a raise!"
7. Gabriel and Sarah are not just Norman and Gwen's kids, they are "clones" of Peter and Gwen. That's because Norman modified his reproductive genes with Peter and Gwen's DNA, much like Terry McGinnis' dad was with Batman's genes in JLU's "Epilogue." So Peter, technically, is a father after all.
8. And speaking of fatherhood, thanks to Peter "reawakening" to his "new powers" as a result of "The Other: Evolve or Die," he now has the ability to extract MJs ovums during intercourse and fertilize them inside his own body. This is revealed when he literally lays an egg sack when he's on the john and gives birth to hundreds of four-inch high "Man-Spiders" that terrorize the city a la "Gremlins."
Very, very funny:)
Shadowknight
03-13-2006, 09:25 PM
5) Peter stops obsessing about his high school sweetheart and gets on with his life
He got over Betty Brant a long time ago. ;)
LarryLegend
03-13-2006, 10:15 PM
Peter hunts down JMS, Bendis and Joey Q and kicks all their asses for all their messing with his character and history.
3dman27
03-14-2006, 05:14 AM
Peter hunts down JMS, Bendis and Joey Q and kicks all their asses for all their messing with his character and history.
ALLRIIIGHT:spidey: :spidey: :spidey: :spidey: :spidey: :spidey:
hulkamania85
03-14-2006, 11:34 PM
Spidey wakes up fat, 400lbs. He squeezes into new spandex gear, and crooks laugh themselves into jail watching him swing...
I think that was a Superman story one time.
Mary Jane and Peter Parker are at a science exhibit when MJ accidently crosses paths with a growth ray. She wakes up to find that she's gotten fat overnight. Hilarity may or may not ensue as MJ tries to hitch a ride with other fat women as the car breaks down from the weight, MJ tries to diet herself silly but to no avail, and Spider-Man comments on how she is "quite a load". As it turns out Peter intentionally got her in the path of that ray in order to change her appearence as a form of witness protection, although the plan failed when MJ looked in a fun house mirror and the criminal happened to be there and saw her as thin MJ. The process is reversed but not before MJ stuffs herself at Peter's expense, knowing it's all going to be reversed later.
That was a Superman issue too.
Ultimate_Superman
06-20-2006, 02:40 PM
After the latest events in Spider-Mans life I felt the need to bring this thread back.
imdaly
06-20-2006, 06:05 PM
wow. how little I knew that my "House of WTF" idea would spawn off into such a hit!!
See...problem now is, we're running out of crazy storylines because they're actually being done already in the comics.
hmm....
In a shocking turn of events, the new Daredevil's secret identity is finally revealed! That's right, True Believers! Daredevil is actually President Abraham Lincoln!!! You heard correctly! Turns out the Lincoln that was killed in the theater was just a genetic clone of a hologram in a dream all along! Now, with his true identity revealed to all, it is up to our friend to try to put an end to the Civil War....AGAIN!!!
ITEM! Debuting the month after Civil War ends, begins a new 12-part Miniseries that follows Damage Control as they begin the thankless job of cleaning up the frikken mess made by all the heroes fighting each other this year. Join us in Civil War: Reconstruction #1, where a hero dies and another makes a bold decision that will alienate even more fans!
In an effort to finally boost the sales of Spider-Girl to the level it should be, Marvel is rebooting Spider-Girl with a brand new #1 and a brand new, eye-cathing subtitle! Get your preorders in soon for Spider-Girl: Like Spider-Man, But With BOOBS!!
Superbeasto
06-20-2006, 06:40 PM
Spider Man reveals in public his real identity, Peter Parker, supporting the superhero registration law!!!, wait a minute.... this actually happened
Doc_OCK_4MUGEN
06-21-2006, 06:48 AM
After Peter Parker unmasked himself and became a celebrity overnight, te REAL Celebrities, like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, get pissed because Peter Parker is the newest thing... They use their EVIL POWERS to kidnap Spidey and turn him into a... an ACTOR!!! NOW Spidey has no time to save the world since he's busy "acting" in Uwe Boll "Movies" Then TC and JT make Spidey join their religion, and we get a DISCO DANCING SUPER STRON COUCH HUMPER, but instead of appearing on Oprah, MJ takes Peter to the Jerry Springer show where she reveals that her name was Marcos Javier Watson... JERRY! JERRY!
For my final thought: Kevin Smith was right, Rape is bad... Joe Q, STOP RAPING SPIDER-MAN!!! Take care of yourselves and each other...
Ultimate_Superman
06-21-2006, 08:23 AM
wow. how little I knew that my "House of WTF" idea would spawn off into such a hit!!
See...problem now is, we're running out of crazy storylines because they're actually being done already in the comics.
:up: :( Your right I will not be shocked if some of the ideas in here pop up in the comics soon.
MyPokerShirt
06-22-2006, 07:52 PM
i like this post but
shouldn't that read"can mj put away enough wheatcake to give the black cat some bad luck?"
again, ur making no sense. i've got this from some of ur posts. was that meant to be funny? fact? meh! hehe, wheatcakes are funny tho...
thats not the point! are all ur 16,000 posts this baffling?
MyPokerShirt
06-22-2006, 07:53 PM
that was in spider-man tas
again what does that mean? "tas". im not bein weird with u, u just honestly hurt my head.
imdaly
06-22-2006, 08:04 PM
again what does that mean? "tas". im not bein weird with u, u just honestly hurt my head.
Spider-Man TAS = Spider-Man: The Animated Series...the FOX Kids show. :spidey:
Electro UK
06-23-2006, 10:01 AM
again what does that mean? "tas". im not bein weird with u, u just honestly hurt my head.
Why are you trolling him and why have you just randomly bumped a dead thread? :confused:
Ultimate_Superman
01-03-2008, 01:15 PM
Thanks to Marvel's OMD I thought it would be time to bring this thread back. Although I never thought I should have had to after Sins of the past and The Other I thought Marvel learned it's lesson and would not go through with this idea. Silly me :(
imdaly
01-03-2008, 04:48 PM
Lol! I was the originator of "Marvel's House of WTF" :D Funny to see it still around. :up:
VICTORVONDOOMX
01-03-2008, 09:10 PM
Guys: STOP IT!
Joey's taking notes...
vBulletin® v3.8.4, Copyright ©2000-2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.