Jaws: The Hype Beach Massacre

[DOG LIPS]

Ok, this is kind of a fan-fic experiment-type thingie. Much like HZA, this will be a parody of Jaws featuring Hype members. It will be written by these three sexy individuals:

Flexo
Master Bruce
DOG LIPS

Here is the first part by yours truly, the others will add on later. Enjoy!!



HYPE BEACH, SATURDAY MORNING.

A large party was being held up the beach, with many kegs of beer and as much weed as you could handle. Dude and his girlfriend, Babe had walked up the beach away from the others to be alone. Noone noticed they had left.

Dude: "I am sooo baked right now, babe."

Babe: "Me too, Dude. Let's go skinny dipping!!"

Dude: "Are you f***ing crazy?? It's cold like a snowman gangbang in that water!"

Babe: "Suit yourself, bastard-face."

Babe jumped up and ran towards the water, peeling off clothes as she went in. Dude watched her loopy ass jiggle, and he decided to join her. He got to his feet and started to take his pants off. Just then his stomach grumbled loudly. It was back. Explosive Diarrhea. He ran off the beach towards the public restrooms, to attack the white thunder-bucket.

Babe got several hundred feet out and looked back to the beach, seeing Dude running away. She laughed at him as loud as she could, in hopes he would hear her.

Babe: "You loser!! Hahahahaha."

Just then she felt something rub against her leg. A huge displacement of water rushed in front of her, knocking her several yards towards open sea. She felt a hard bump against her back and felt a huge object pass by her. She started to cry aloud, hoping someone would hear her.

Babe: "Help me!! There's something in the water!!!"

Just then she was hit as if a truck had hit her head-on, blasting her out of the water several feet into the air, then slamming her back down, pulling her under. The sea went silent, and the water calmed. The darkness crept over the area, and it was impossible for anyone to see this far out. Babe then exploded out of the water with a scream. Blood was everywhere, and her lungs had water in them, so her screames were merely a gurgled mess of noises. She was hit again, but this time she never came up again. After a few seconds a leg floated to the surface, still wearing a badass Nike shoe.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v223/DOGLIPS/jawsssssss.jpg

[Flexo]

One 24 Hours Later (AKA... SUNDAY MORNING)

Police Chief Dog Lips and Dude walked the beach, looking for any sign of Babe. Dude stumbled like a zombie; possibly from shock, possibly from his clenched diarrhea-filled buttocks, or maybe from a little bit of both.

Police Cheif Dog Lips: "Joey, can I call you Joey?"

Dude: "My name's Dude."

Dog Lips: "Joey, have you ever been on a poop deck before?"

Dude: "No sir, I just moved to the island, and my name's not Joey, it's Dude."

Dog Lips: "Jimmy, you ever seen a grown man naked?"

Dude: "Uhhhh... Hey look! There's Deputy Lee!"

Running and shuffling, they made their way over to Deputy Lee. Lee had just puked out the contents of his last three meals (A twinky, 76 Oreos, and a taco shell.)

Dog Lips: "My God man! McDonald's would be healthier than that!"

Lee was mumbling nonsense, trying to get back on his feet, only to vomit again (This time bringing up a mountain of Doritos.)

Lee: "Potatoes... midgets... choppa... Uwe Boll... look over... (Vomits a river of Mountain Dew) there!"

Dog Lips and Dude both looked at the severed leg of Babe and a badass Nike shoe. Dude vomited on Lee, Lee returned fire. Dog Lips stood steadfast.

Dog Lips: "So, uh, Johhny... have you ever been to a Turkish prison?"

Lee: "........"

Dude: ".........."

Severed Leg: ".........."

Dog Lips: "........... How 'bout them Knicks?"

[Batman]

At The Police Department....(1 Hour Later)

Cheif Dog Lips and Deputy Lee walk in,as three or four citizens are arguing in the doorway.Dog approaches them.

Dog Lips:"Hey,Hey,Hey!What the hell is going on here?!


Then,suddenly,Lee vomits up his dessert,which happened to be some fruit roll-ups and some sour cream and onion potato chips.The smell of it is disgusting.Everyone looks at him.

Dog Lips:"....."

Spider-Bat"......."

Stryker".....Ew."

Dog Lips:"...Indeed."

Lee:".....Sorry.":(

Dog Lips turns back to the citizens.

Dog Lips:"You....Come with me.You.....Go with him."

Spider-Bat is directed towards Lee.Spider-Bat takes a step back,just in case.Dog Lips and Stryker walks into DL's office,where His secratary is sitting.

Dog Lips:"Morning,Webby."

Webmistress_04:"PISS OFF,You f*****g hippie.":mad:

Everyone stares in silence.


Stryker:"......"

Dog Lips:"......Soo......How bout' them Yankees?"

Webmistress_04:"Sorry sir.....Ive just been drinking again.":(

Dog Lips:"I thought I smelled booze."


Thats when everyone notices the booze bottle that Stryker is carrying.Dog Lips looks at him.

Dog Lips:"......."

Stryker:"......."

Stryker:".....What?"

Dog Lips:"Arent you a little.....young to be drinking that?"

Stryker:"Not in Canada.";)

Dog Lips:"....We're on an island."

Stryker:"....."

Stryker:"......Oh."

Dog Lips shakes his head.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Yum! I love shark meat.

[The Last Meatbag]

can I be in it?

[DOG LIPS]

5 SECONDS LATER AT THE SAME DAMN PLACE:

DL took a quick seat at his desk and started going through his desk furiously.

Stryker: "So anyway Chief, that bastard Spider-Bat stole my Catwoman DVD, and I want it back!"

Chief DL opened up his desk drawers and shuffled papers around. He then jumped up and checked the shelf behind him.

DL: "Lord knows a man loves a good flogging in his own damn bathtub somedays."

Stryker: ".....Excuse me?"

DL: "What the.... You're still here??? Damnit! Webby, get this arsehole some of those 500-page forms to fill out and get him outta my face! And where the hell are the damn "Beach is closed." signs???"

Webmistress_04: "Up your ass, sir."

DL quickly stuck his hand in the back of his pants and moved it around as everyone watched.

DL: "You freakin' liar."

DL pushed Stryker over to Lee and grabbed his handcuffs.

DL: "Give both of these guys a cavity search, then lock them up for the weekend. Then get the council together for an emergancy meeting."

Lee: "Yes, sir."

Spider-Bat: "What??? On what charge??"

DL: "CINO, b***h."

[bored]

delightful.

[The Spider-Bat]

I Hate Cino!!!!!!

[The Last Meatbag]

I love boobies

[The Spider-Bat]

I love boobies

Who doesn't?

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Lmfao!:up:

[The Lumberjack]

Was there a sign-up thread I missed? If not I'd love to be in this.:up:

[Flexo]

Was there a sign-up thread I missed? If not I'd love to be in this.:up:

There wasn't a sign up thread, we all just pick random people and friends. (And, of course, most of the folks that want in.) Unfortunatly, all of us have developed writers block. Prepare for a short hiatus.

[The Lumberjack]

There wasn't a sign up thread, we all just pick random people and friends. (And, of course, most of the folks that want in.) Unfortunatly, all of us have developed writers block. Prepare for a short hiatus.
Should I whack you w/ an oar?

[Mr. Thing]

I want in it, please.

[Abaddon]

I'd ask to be in it,but you'd just kill me off.:o

[Flexo]

I'd ask to be in it,but you'd just kill me off.:o

Just like you killed me off in Flamer? Revenge is sweet, mofo. :mad:

[Abaddon]

Just like you killed me off in Flamer? Revenge is sweet, mofo. :mad:




I didn't know you read. :0








Besides,you were just shot.It doesnt necessarily mean youre dead.:o

[Flexo]

In the Middle of Main Street, 600 seconds later...



DL: "Lee, where in the Neverland Ranch are my 'Beach Closed' signs!?

Lee: "I tried to make some signs, but some psycho salesman broke my pencil."

Lumberjack: "What Lee's trying to say is that our new 'Closed Beach' signs are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Let's say you're driving along the shore with your family..."

Lumberjack picks up a model boat.

Lumberjack: "You're driving along... La-de-da, woo... Suddenly there's a fin sticking above the surface next to our sign. EEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Now let's see what happens when you're swimming with the "other guy's" sign. You're driving along... You're driving along. The kids are yelling from the back seat, "I wanna go live with mommy, Daddy!" "Not now, dammit!" There's a shark fin. EEEE! I CAN'T STOP! AAAH!"

Lumberjack grabs a toy shark and smashes the boat with it.

Lumberjack: "There's a leak! AAAAH! And your family's screaming, "Oh my God, we're all gonna drown! I can't feel my legs, the shark ate my legs! Here comes the cost guard. Weeeoooo weeooo. And the medic gets out and says, "Oh my God!" The new guy's around the corner puking his guts out. Your family's limbs are floating out to sea. All because, you wanted to save a few pennies and make your own signs. Now, to me, that doesn't make sense.

Dog Lips simply stared at Lumberjack, his jaw slightly slack.

Lumberjack: "...... How 'bout them Yankees?"

After buying a new pencil, sharpening it, stabbing Lumberjack in the face with it, buying a new pencil, sharpening it, and making the signs, Dog Lips was finally ready to close the beaches.

Mayor Dew: "You can't close the beaches!"

DL: "Why not, it'll save lives!"

Dew: "It will anger Tony Danza and his syncronized swimming league! Also, something or other about tourism and summer money..."

DL: "Look it, there's orphans in the water. Orphans with diseases. I can't let them be shark food, they'd make grade-A Hot Pocket meat!"

Dew: I don't care! You can't close the beaches, you can't tell people it might have been a shark. You yell, "Shark!" and everyone runs out of the water and moves to Nebraska. You yell, "Carcharodon carcharias" and everyone stands around, hoping they can remember the word until they go home and look it up on Google."

DL: "How do you spell that? C a r c... what now?"


Since he couldn't close the beaches or tell every random person he saw "SHARK OF DOOM! DOOM!" Dog Lips was forced to go home, sit on the couch, and watch the first season of Third Rock From the Sun. A complete and utter waste of a day.

[Mr. Thing]

May I be in it, pleeease.

[Flexo]

I didn't know you read. :0








Besides,you were just shot.It doesnt necessarily mean youre dead.:o

I was just messing with you. (And if I remember correctly, it said he took Flexo out. I'm assuming that was a mortal wound.)

[The Lumberjack]

Ha! I'm always a twisted freak in these stories.:up:

[bored]

hey, somebody's gotta fill the role.

[GammaMike]

Lumberjack got his lines from Tommy Boy!

[Abaddon]

I was just messing with you. (And if I remember correctly, it said he took Flexo out. I'm assuming that was a mortal wound.)



Curse your memory.:mad:








But never fear,just like the buffyverse,nobody stays dead.:):o

[Kmack]

ROTFLMAO:D Awesome guys, keep it coming:up:

[GammaMike]

Keep writing lazy aholes!

[DOG LIPS]

Keep writing lazy aholes!
It's that basteed MB's turn and he's not around. :mad::(

[GammaMike]

It's that basteed MB's turn and he's not around. :mad::(

Where is that Ace hole?

[DOG LIPS]

Where is that Ace hole?
You just answered your own question. :eek:

[Batman]

"Here"

*engulfs GM into the darkness*

[Batman]

You just answered your own question. :eek:

You DO realise your talking about a dog's anus,right?:confused::eek:

[DOG LIPS]

You DO realise your talking about a dog's anus,right?:confused::eek:
I try not to get involved with your personal life. :(

[Batman]

I try not to get involved with your personal life. :(

Hey,your the one that has wet dreams about Lassie and Old Yeller......not me.:o

[DOG LIPS]

Hey,your the one that has wet dreams about Lassie and Old Yeller......not me.:o
At least mine are just dreams ya beastiality basteed. :mad:


Get to work on the next part! :mad:

[Batman]

The Next Day,At the Beach....

Dog Lips watched from a chair as the beachgoers enjoyed their day.He looked over,to notice a boy,walking out of the water.

The boy was exhausted.

The boy looked at his mother,who was sun bathing.

Flass:"Momma,Can I STOP this?Ive been at it for hours...."

Flass' mom looked at his hands.They were pruned.

Flass' Mom:"Your hands arent pruned enough!Get your ass back in there!"

Flass:"But momma....I cant stand it!I dont think I'd be able to last ten more minutes in there!"

Flass' Mom:"No Buts!You wanna win the Canadian Olympics,Dont you?!"

Flass:"....Canadian?You mean Im doing this for CANADA!?!I HATE THOSE BAS...."

Flass' Mom looks at her son,with an angry look.

Flass:"Sorry,momma.":(

Flass' Mom:In the water.....NOW!!"

Flass runs back in.His Mom smiles.Dog Lips shakes his head.

Dog Lips:"Poor kid."

As this goes on,David Hasselhoff runs along the beach,in slow motion.He stops,and picks up a frisbee that his dog,Ace,threw onto the beach.

David Hasselhoff:"Woof Woof!"

Ace:"Good Boy!"

Ace grabs the frisbee,and throws it into the water.David Hasselhoff goes after it.

Dog Lips stares,confused.

Dog Lips:"Wait.....How....."

Dog Lips sighs.

Dog Lips:"I must be drunk as hell."

Dog Lips drinks a little more of his booze.

Just then,He sees something out in the water.Something.....BIG.His eyes widen as he realises whats going on:

Flass is being attacked by the shark.

A tail is visible,as Flass is pulled under the water.After a minute,Torn up boogie board bits and blood can be seen in the area.Everyone screams and runs.

Not from the Shark........But because Hasselhoff is starting to sing rap music.

[GammaMike]

Yeah, now you may return to your Ace hole MB!

[DOG LIPS]

TWO HOURS LATER AT THE TOWN HALL MEETING..............


Flass' Mom: "It was a shark that ate my bwa! I don't really care though."

Mayor Dew: "There's no such thing as a shark biting people!"

Flass' Mom: "....The hell?"

DOG LIPS: "Everyone calm down! We have to maintain order here, or nipples will begin to fly! Now shuddup! ..Now... we're going to get some more deputies on the beach, and use some shark spotters to stand there and point at the sharks so we know where they are. We're also going to set up some scarecrows that look like Rosie O'Donnell in the water to try and keep the sharks away."

Stryker: "That will keep everyone away."

SweetPrima: "Chief, are you going to close the beaches?"

DOG LIPS: "Yes. Yes we are."

The huge crowd of town's folk begin to murmur and mumble loudly to themselves, creating a massive sound like two monkeys in a barrel beating each other to death with fists full of feces. Finally after a few minutes they begin to calm down.

Mr. Thing: "For how long????"

Mayor Dew: "30 minutes."

DOG LIPS: "I didn't agree to that."

Stryker: "30 minutes??? That's a lifetime for those of us who make money off the beaches with speedo stands!"

Mr. Thing: "I demand an enema!!"

Suddenly the sound of nails against a chalk board shut everyone up and had the whole crowd grinding their teeth. Everyone turned at the same time and looked to the back of the room. They saw a greasy fisherman sitting in a chair at the back of the room. Chief DL noticed there was no chalk board anywhere in sight, and the man had his hands deep in his pants. Everyone sat quietly as the man began a long and boring speech.

Flexo: "Yarrgh. Ya'll know me, know how I makes me livin'. Strippin. But I also catch sharks in me spare time. I can get yer businesses runnin again. I can catch this bad fish for ya. For $3,000.00, I'll find him and punch him. For $3,500.00, I'll kill em' and bring you his jaws. For $4,000.00, I'll kill em' and bring ya the whole fish, head, tail, fins, nipples, buttcrack. For $4,005.32, I'll do all this while wearing a pink moo-moo and a cowboy hat. Well, do you want to gimme da booty and get back to yer livin, or spend the whole winter eatin' Ramen noodles?"

DOG LIPS: "Thank you, Mr Flexo. We'll um, take it under consideration"

Flexo got to his feet and stretched out, his back popping loudly and loud farts errupting from his arse. The crowd held their noses and gagged at the smell of the man.

Flexo: "Mayor, Chief, ladies and gentlemen, good day."

The crowd watched as Flexo stood there staring at them. He seemed to be frozen in time and he stared blankly into the crowd of people. After several horrible minutes, Flexo blinked several times, then made his way to the door.

Flexo: "Mayor, Chief, ladies and gentlemen, good day."

[Flexo]

Cool beans. :D :up:

[DOG LIPS]

I've had some writer's block on this, but I forced myself to write some for it, because the sooner we get to the three heroes on the sea singing and comparing scars, the better. :D:up:

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Lmao.Speedo's...:down :p

[Mr. Thing]

:up: :D

[Flexo]

25 Hours, 7 Minutes, and 29 Seconds Later (Approximatly) at the Dog Lips' Residence... A.K.A. A Cardboard Box Under a Bridge.

Dog Lips: "Nobody knows anything about sharks! They could live to be 1,000 years old and we wouldn't know it. They could've eaten Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, George Washington, Jimmy Haffa, Bill Brasky, Twitch, Elvis, Atlantis, the New York Mets, Uwe Boll's talent..."

(After a long boring list including several Flinstones characters and cowboys...)

Dog Lips: "... and we wouldn't know it! It's insane! Don't you think honey?"

Godzilla2000: "How come your never this interested in me? That's it, I'm going to have an affair with the next Oceanographic Institute worker I see!

Master Bruce: "Oh yes, she will be mine. Oh yes... She will... be mine[/Shatner]"

Dog Lips: "What was that???

Godzilla2000: "Nothing honey! Ya ungrateful bastard sack of crap..."

Dog Lips: "Honey, where's Bored?"

Godzilla2000: "He's out playing with his dingy."

Dog Lips: "THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Flexo, 'nough with the Tommy Boy jokes, ya hear me?!

Real Flexo: "Yes sir... sorry sir... it won't happen again sir."

Dog Lips: "Don't sass me, bwa :mad: "

Dog Lips (Back in character): "So... uh... how 'bout them Packers? I... uh... back to the script... Oh, right! Get Bored out of the water! It's not safe!"

Godzilla2000: "He hasn't even put the boat in the water yet. :confused: "

Dog Lips: "Haven't you ever heard of sunburn? Let me tell you this, it's not pleasent. And I'll be damned if I stand by and lose another child to Mr. Sun!

Godzilla2000: "Y'know, just because they have sunburn doesn't mean you have to throw them in the trash."

Dog Lips: "...Why didn't you tell me this before? :mad: "

[Sava]

needs more Sava :o :up:

[bored]

Bored defies the necessity for sunblock!

[Hunter Rider]

excellent guys:up:
i suggest me as a rugged lone wolf shark hunter:o

[bored]

who is quickly, painfully eaten by the shark!

[Holly Goodhead]

sharks are my worst nightmare

[DOG LIPS]

sharks are my worst nightmare
Damn.... I have a tattoo of a shark on my forearm, does this mean when we get together I have to wear a long glove? No glove no love? :(

[Holly Goodhead]

you wear condoms on your arms? :confused:you can put me in the story as long as i dont die and am completely naked.

[DOG LIPS]

Naked and immortal, got it. :up:

[Holly Goodhead]

just thinking about sharks gives me the willies, ugh

[DOG LIPS]

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/05/images/020103_shark.jpg

But why, they are soooo cute. :0

[Holly Goodhead]

:(:(:( sometimes when im swimming in my pool at night alone i get scared because i think theres a shark in there..

[DOG LIPS]

Then you better watch the toilet. :eek:

[Holly Goodhead]

watch your balls

[DOG LIPS]

That's your job.

[Holly Goodhead]

i need a raise

[DOG LIPS]

Talk to the union, toots.

[Holly Goodhead]

i wasnt talking about money

[DOG LIPS]

:eek:

[Holly Goodhead]

what?

[DOG LIPS]

I couldn't think of a comeback. :(

[Holly Goodhead]

i win

[DOG LIPS]

You win. :(

[Holly Goodhead]

dont just stare at it, eat it. :mad:

[DOG LIPS]

Yes, mam. :(:up:

[Holly Goodhead]

why am i awake...

[DOG LIPS]

Because you're not asleep.

[Holly Goodhead]

thanks, i wasnt aware.

[DOG LIPS]

I aim to please.

[Holly Goodhead]

i bet

[GammaMike]

:(:(:( sometimes when im swimming in my pool at night alone i get scared because i think theres a shark in there..

It's just me!

[GammaMike]

:( :mad: I think I figured out what I am to this story. The shark will probably either be me, or my Mom or something!:eek: Basteeds!

[The Last Meatbag]

DOG LIPS and Lucy are worthy opponents

[GammaMike]

DOG LIPS and Lucy are worthy opponents

I don't eat Mangina's or dog, that dam siringe might poke me in the mouth!

[Flexo]

MB, you lazy jerk, get ta work. :mad:

[DOG LIPS]

Yeah MB, you good-for-nothing lazy sack of basteed. :mad:

[Batman]

(Guess what, B****es?! It's BACK!)

That Night, In The Same Damned Pla...

*reads script*

...Er... The Docks, I mean. Yeah, The Docks!

Two fishermen walk across the walkway, holding hands, groping eachother as they go along. These two men are then killed by two armed homophobes. And one metrosexual, for some reason.

In their place stand two other fishermen, who are only slightly less homosexual. One takes out a large piece of meat, covered in honey mustard sauce. The other one looks at it, with his mouth watering.

musclesforsupes: "Do... Do we have to throw this out?"

Wilhelm-Scream: "... What kind of dumbass question is that?"

To prove his point...

muscles: "Randor, Wilhelm... RANDOR!"

And now, back to the story...

Wilhelm: "Of course we have to throw it out. We ain't gonna catch anything with two Shania Twain records and a sack of used diapers, after all. Why does it matter, anyway?"

muscles: "...But... But it's food... :("

Wilhelm: "So? You've got plenty of food back at your place."

muscles: "But...It's so... faaar..."

Wilhelm looks back, seeing muscles' house a mere twenty feet from the docks. He then gives muscles a digusted look.

muscles: "My wife will kill me if you throw it out! :("

Wilhelm: "Muscles, you don't have a wife. You married a Sausage McGriddle for the love of god! And you ate half of it during your vows, too! Now help me get this into the water, before I secks ya, ya lardo! :mad:"

muscles, regretedley, complies as the two throw the meat into the water. muscles contemplates jumping in after it, but Wilhelm slaps him before he can go through with it. As the two sit down, a huge Shark fin passes through the water. Neither really seem to notice, though.

muscles: "Hey Wilhelm..."

Wilhelm: "What?"

muscles: "Don't forget to view the Hype Top 25."

Wilhelm: "..."

Wilhelm: "You weenis."

The Shark fin passes them, yet again. Again, they don't seem to notice.

Wilhelm: "Muscles, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're like a brother to me. You've stuck by me through the worst of times, through the best of times, and through... well... just every time I can think of."

muscles: *licks fingers*

Wilhelm: "And I just wanna say... I... I f***in love you, man. I mean that."

Wilhelm attempts to hug muscles. But, due to muscles being a fatass, he only ends up hugging a Jellowy mass of muscles' skin. All of the sudden, the line on their fishing rod goes flying. Wilhelm looks up. muscles daydreams of chicken drums.

Wilhelm: "Holy crap, We've caught something!"

muscles: "Teela?!"

Wilhelm: "No!"

muscles: "...Burgers?!"

Wilhelm: "NO!"

muscles: "mmm... lobster..."

Wilhelm: "Oh shut up, you sack of bacon!"

muscles then starts thinking of bacon. All of the sudden, the fishing line appears to be a strip of bacon, in muscles' eyes.

muscles: "Bacon!"

Wilhelm: "What? NO, MUSCLES, NO!"

muscles then dives onto the fishing line, knawing on it with his teeth. muscles is pulled forward, on the line. He grabs part of the dock, in desperation, while still chewing on the line, though it doesn't actually taste like bacon.

Due to his gerth, muscles ends up pulling half of the docks underwater. As he floats up, he notices the docks are still going out towards the ocean. He simply bobbles in the ocean, still chewing on the line.

Wilhelm: "Oh god... muscles! You fat bastard! Are you okay?"

muscles: "Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd!"

Wilhelm: "Are you hurt?!"

muscles: "No my burger got wet!"

muscles then pulls out a Quarter Pounder with cheese from his pocket. Wilhelm stares in disbelief, before giving him an angry look.

Wilhelm: "Just get your whale blubber butt up here. I wanna watch Desperate Housewives at 8!"

muscles: "Tom Welling, Wilhelm!"

As Wilhelm tries to deduce what, exactly, that means, He notices something horrific. The docks are actually turning around, behind muscles.

Wilhelm: "MUSCLES! SWIM! SWIM, GODDAMNIT! STOP DRINKING THE ****ING WATER AND SWIM!"

muscles, while still slurping the water in his large mouth, starts to swim ferociously as the docks keep coming towards him. However, he doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

Even worse... He's only about one foot away from the remains of the docks. But, due to his large size, he can only paddle for seconds without losing breath.

Wilhelm: "SWIM, YOU FAT **** OF A MAN! SWIM! DON'T LOOK BACK! ...DAMN IT, MUSCLES, I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK BACK! YOU IDIOT!"

muscles begins paddling along, as the docks keep coming closer. A sea turtle passes him. muscles begins shouting random things, pertaining to Randor and McDonalds, mostly.

Wilhelm: "SWIM, SHAMU, SWIM!!!"

muscles stops. He's out of breath. Even though he's barely moved an inch from where he was. He keeps drinking the water around him.

Wilhelm: "IF YOUR FATASS LIVES, I'LL TAKE YOU TO MCDONALDS AFTER THIS! YOU CAN EVEN GET IT SUPER SIZED!"

Then, muscles' eyes widen. Suddenly, He begans moving at super human speeds, towards the docks. He then passes Wilhelm, running onto the docks.

muscles: "BIG MACS!"

Wilhelm looks back to see that the docks that were coming towards muscles are now gone. Wilhelm looks back at muscles, exhausted from calling him a fatass.

Wilhelm: "Can we go home now?!"

Suddenly, muscles drops to the ground, dead, with a harpoon sticking out of his back. Wilhelm looks back, horrified. He see's a Whaler's ship, floating in the distance.

Whaler: "Er... Sorry! Thought he was a Balooga! Our bad!"


R. I. P. musclesforsupes
Beloved husband of a sandwhich

TO BE CONTINUED...

[DOG LIPS]

It's back *****es!! Also, there's a badarse new intro pic in the first post. :up::up:

[bored]

first 'hype high' now this! hooray, they're all coming back! now dog lips needs to finish 'hype zombie apocalypse':mad: .

[DOG LIPS]

:mad:

[The Last Meatbag]

hey look.......I just saw me old name :o
















my better name :(

[DOG LIPS]

DOOKIE MAN pwn3d. :(:(:(:(

[Flexo]

IT LIVES!

That means there's still hope for HZA, too!

[DOG LIPS]

MANY, MANY, MANY, MANY SECONDS LATER.......MAYBE SOME MINUTES TOO..........NO HOURS THOUGH.........


Chief DL and Deputy Lee were walking quickly along the boardwalk, seeing hundreds of fat, drunk men getting in their boats, preparing to go shark hunting.

Deputy Lee: "He had a hell of a time getting muscles to stop crying over the lost meat! With his weenis!"

Chief DL: "That's not funny. That's not funny at all."

DL then saw a small two-man raft sitting on the dock, filled with supplies.

DL: "Who's ****ing raft is this??"

Deputy Lee: "Oi!!! Oose raft is this??!!"

Just then, Sean Penn and 17 photographers jumped in the raft and it fell off the dock into the water, instantly sinking to the sea floor. DL and Lee looked over the edge at all the bubbles. After several minutes, noone came up again. DL then pulled out a pack of Big League Chew bubblegum and stuffed a huge wad in his mouth. He waved it at Deputy Lee, but Lee was British.

DL: "This is pure chaos, Lee, pure ****ing chaos. Like a fat guy in a dressing room, then he suddenly dies of twinkie loss and they have to break out some ****ing walls to get his fat lard out cause he starts to stink like old cheese."

Lee: "Oi!"

Further down the dock, a pink boat was docking, and a feminine man in all black was disembarking. He looked up and nearly ran into a huge fat fisherman.

Master Bruce: "Hello there!"

Fisherman: "Hello yourself, slut!"

The fat man had over a dozen sticks of dynamite in his hands. DL ran over and grabbed his arm.

DL: "Where you going with that dynamite??!"

Fisherman: "Da boat."

Master Bruce: "Chief!"

DL: "Help me get these men off this boat!"

DL then ran off to another boat full of fat guys. MB looked at the huge men with dynamite and rifles.

MB: "Gentlemen! The officer asked me to tell you that you're overloading the boat!"

Fisherman: "Hey, fudge you buddy, eat my buttsecks!!"

MB: ".....Can you at least tell me where I can find a hotel?"

Fisherman: "Sure, b****, just walk straight ahead!!!" *All laugh histerically*

MB: "Ha ha ha... they're all going to ****ing die!! Naked and alone, the way men should die!!"

The men got silent and stared at him. He had meant to say the last part in his head, but sometimes he slips up a bit since he talks to himself so much.

Back at the station, DL and Lee walked in yelling at each other.

DL: "Talk to them, Lee! They're your people! Make them listen!"

Lee: "They're not my people!! They're Americans and such, matey, crumpets!"

DL: "Are there any Canadians out there?? There better not be any Canadians on my beach, Lee!!"

Lee: "There's not, I swear!!"

Lee was lightly bumped as he rushed out the door by Master Bruce walking in. He then walked up to DL with a big smile on his face.

DL: "Get that stupid smile off your face, weenis." :mad:

MB: "S-Sorry, I'm looking for Chief DOG LIPS?"

DL: "Who the balls are you?"

MB: "I'm from the Insitute, I'm-"

DL: "-Oh s***!! You're the guy we sent for! Step on into my office."

DL walked into the bathroom and stepped into one of the stalls, then sat on the toilet. MB stood at the doorway for several seconds, confused. DL waved him in and then shut the door behind him and locked it.

DL: "I'm Chief DOG LIPS."

MB: "Katie Holmes."

DL: "....Your name is Katie Holmes?"

MB: "You son of a b**ch, I said Master Bruce."

MB watched in horror as DL adjusted himself to use the toilet.

MB: "Listen, I know you got a lot on your hands right now but uh..."

DL: (Grunting) "Whaaat can we do for yaaaaaa....? "

MB: ".......Well I think the best thing for me to do is uh...see the remains of the first victim; the girl on the beach?"

DL: "Ok fiiine, just bear with meeeeee will yaaaaa?"

MB: "Riiigghhtt."

[Batman]

You weenis. :mad:

Good job. :up:


...But you're still a weenis. :mad:

[DOG LIPS]

Like your face. :mad:

[Flexo]

.0876 Years later...

Inside the Hype City Mortuary, four men stood; Chief Dog Lips, Sergeant Lee (Newly promoted), Master Bruce, and Town Crier Meatbag (who was sucking on a Kool-Aid juice box - OH YEAH!)

Meatbag - "HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BODY TO BE INSPECTED IN MORGUE!"

Offended, Morg burst from a closet, beat Meatbag to a bloody pulp with a broom, sued him for slander, and jumped out an open window.

Everyone stood bewildered for a moment. Then, in the faintest tones, they heard a screeching voice. Then, came a smell. It was a smelly smell that smelled smelly. The kind of smell you smell when the garbage man dies of a heart attack on top of your used gym sock collection. It wasn't quite as smelly as Master Chief, but it was damned close.

Flexo : "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu you ladies of Spain. uh... FAREWELL AND ADIEU TO YOU SPANISH LADIES, FAREWELL AND ADIEU!"

Lieutenant Lee (Newly promoted.) : "Oi!!! What's all this then?!"

Major Lee (Newly promoted) then proceded to take off his boot and toss it at the old sailor. Flexo let out a howl like a wouned Ronald McDonald and ran to the nearest tavern. Colonel Lee (Newly promoted) was instanty given a war medal for his actions. Everyone saluted, then shouted

Everyone: "God save the queen!"

Master Bruce, realizing he had to hurry up if he wanted to attempt to steal Chief DL's wife tonight, walked over to the nearest set of remains and pulled the cover.

MB: "My God, this woman didn't die of a boat attack, she was killed by Don King!"

DL: "We know that; you're looking at the wrong body."

MB: " :mad: "

MB walked over to the next nearest cadaver and uncovered it.

MB: "THIS WAS NOT A SMELTING ACCIDENT! It wasn't any propeller, it wasn't any dinosaur, and it wasn't Kevin Federline. It was a sea-gorrila! Or, more likely... A SHARK!"

Brigadier General Lee (Newly promoted) : "That's fire!"

[The Last Meatbag]

.........:(

[Flexo]

.........:(

Your avatar makes me imagine that you scream everything you say. :(

[The Last Meatbag]

its funny because his eyebrows make him look a little sad

[Swordmaster]

Where. The ****. Am I?! :mad:


MB's gonna get it for this.

<Tee-hee>

[Batman]

Yar. Two hooks be goin' up for this entry. Arrgh.

[Swordmaster]

...

[Flexo]

If my math is correct, which is highly doubtful, 0.0876 years comes out to ten minutes.

This has been a Flexo fun fact.

[Batman]

If my math is correct, which is highly doubtful, 0.0876 years comes out to ten minutes.

This has been a Flexo fun fact.

http://www.cnn.com/2000/SHOWBIZ/News/02/21/showbuzz/nye.jpg

[Swordmaster]

...We hate you all

[Flexo]

http://www.cnn.com/2000/SHOWBIZ/News/02/21/showbuzz/nye.jpg

http://lindsayism.com/uploaded_images/The_More_You_Know_4-749146.jpg

[bored]

Jeez, Pharoah Lee is really moving up in the world.

[Flexo]

Jeez, Pharoah Lee (Newly Promoted) is really moving up in the world.

That's fire. :up:

[Batman]

Many Hours Later, Divided By Many, With An Addition Of Twenty Minutes Or So... On The Boardwalk...

A large, bloody mouth is opened by a harpoon. Slime drips out of it as the aroma of fish and something from Oprah Winfrey's toliet spreads throughout the place, making many people gag. ...Then, everyone turns their attention away from Rosie O'Donnel, to see that one of the fisherman caught a shark.

DOG LIPS, Master Bruce, and Witch Doctor's Assistant Lee(Newly Promoted) walk over to the shark. DL smiles, looking at it. He then takes one of the fisherman's hands, and shakes it, excitedly.

DL: "Well done! WELL DONE!!!"

Fisherman: "Get your sweaty hands off me, ya pervert! I didn't even do anything!"

The fisherman walks away, cursing in Russian, for some reason. DL turns, looking at the shark as it's hoisted by it's anus.

DL: "Dante Spardaz catch this?"

The Demon's Head: "Nope. I did. Spardaz was off masterbating somewhere, with his nite lite."

DL shakes his hand, smiling. In the background, MB thoroughly examines the shark's mouth. And it's nipples.

DL: "Well congratulations! Now we can all get hammered and forget all this **** ever happened!"

The fishermen behind him contemplate what kind of shark they've caught is.

boyscouT: "I say it's a minnow!"

ShadowBoxing: "You dumbass! A minnow isn't even a shark species!"

boyscouT: "...Yeah. But I got a feeling it's a minnow!"

ShadowBoxing: "..."

"It could be anything! Anything, I tells ya! Anything at all!"

MB: "...Actually, it's a Horse Shark."

"..."

"...A what?"

MB: "I said it's a Tiger Shark. You deaf?"

Morg: "Yeah. :("

Back at the Shark, DL, Supreme Witch Doctor Lee(Newly promoted) and the locals pose for a picture.

Photographer: "Alright, now could we get someone to stand underneath the shark's mouth?"

Lee: "Oiy! I'll do it! Fish n' chips!"

Photographer: "...What the **** did he just say?"

Lee walks over to the Shark. DL watches in horror.

DL: "..Lee... that's not it's head. LEE!! You're an officer of the law, for godsakes!!!"

Photographer: "...Er...maybe we should just take the picture over here..."

Lee: *muffled* "Oi!"

As the photographer takes the picture, and everyone begins shaking hands again, MB pulls DL aside.

MB: "We have a serious problem, here."

DL: "What? Fat chick nudity has been legalised?"

MB: "No, worse. George Takei is gay."

DL: "...Huh?"

MB: "I said this may not be the right Shark."

DL: "I could've sworn..."

MB: "Would you shut up and listen? Look, sure, this is a shark. And a fine specimen at that."

DL: "Yes, and it's our shark. End of story."

MB: "It is not, you fat sack of crap."

DL: "I'm not fat! I'm just big furred! What's your excuse, Roman Polanski?"

Roman Polanski: ":("

MB: "Look, I'm not saying this is the shark... It probably is! It probably is! I mean, it's extremely rare to these waters, it's a man eater, and it's a scientologist."

Shark: "Down with psychologists!"

MB: "But the fact remains that the bite radius on this animal did not, infact, match the size of Katie Holmes' head radius."

DL: "What?"

MB: "I said wounds on the victim. Damn it man, get your head out of your ass and listen to me!"

DL: "So, basically, this isn't it?"

MB: "I'm not sure. It could be. It could very well be. But at the same time, it couldn't be."

DL: "Boy, you're confusing the hell out of me. Is it or isn't it?"

MB: "I don't know!"

DL: "Damn you! What do I pay you for?"

MB: "You don't pay me at all."

DL: "Wanna get payed?"

MB: "Sure."

DL hands MB a fifty dollar bill. Then, He snatches it and puts it back into his pocket.

DL: "That's for not knowing this stuff, you weenis. :mad:"

MB: "Look, there's an easy way of telling. The digestive system in this animal is very slow, and whatever it's eaten within the last twenty four hours is bound to still be in there. So what I propose is simple."

DL: "We perform an autopsy?"

MB: "Nope. We perform an oral exam."

DL: "..."

DL: "There's no way in hell you're getting me to stick my hand up that creature's ass."

MB: "I said an autopsy. What the hell are you talking about?"

DL: "No, you said an oral exam!"

MB: "Look, pal, I'd rather not know what you do with animals like these in your spare time. We're performing brain surgery on this thing, and that's final!"

Behind them, Mayor Dew appears, having overheard the entire conversation. And behind Mayor Dew is Lee, doing unexplainable things to the shark.

Mayor Dew: "Now gentlemen, let's be reasonable here... We are not about to cut open a goddamned fish. Now I came here to congratulate someone on killing a predator who has threatened our lands, and then sleep with him as a reward due to the lack of money we'll end up paying him. I'm not going to stand here and watch that little Flass boy spill out all over the dock. You got me?"

MB: "...No."

Dew: "..."

DL: "He means yes."

MB: "Of course I mean yes. That's what I said, wasn't it?"

All of the sudden, a woman could be seen coming behind DL. The three turned, to see Flass' mom, decked out in a funeral dress. She looked up at DL, painfully.

Flass' mom: "Chief?"

DL: "Yes?"

SLAP!!!!

DL: "What the hell was that for???"

FM: "I had a bug on my hand and I used your face to kill it, bwa!"

DL: "WTF???"

Flass' mom walks away, crying at the loss of her son. Even though she didn't mention it. Dew watches her leave, before turning to DL.

Dew: "She's wrong, you know."

DL: "About what?"

Dew: "You don't make a good fly swatter."

DL: "................"

DL turns towards the direction of Flass' mom, and yells...

DL: "I'm sorry you lost your son!!"

FM (Walking away) "I'm not! Party at my house, b****es!!!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Flexo]

:D :up:

:mad:

[Batman]

:mad::up:

[DOG LIPS]

Batman and Robin give that entry four nipples up.
http://www.philreynolds.com/images/costumes-l/batmanrobin.jpg

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Batman and Robin give that entry four nipples up.
http://www.philreynolds.com/images/costumes-l/batmanrobin.jpg
Lmao,ew thats disturbing.:down

[Batman]

Lmao,ew thats disturbing.:down

I know. :(




Kilmer's Lips. :(:(

[DOG LIPS]

Lmao,ew thats disturbing.:down
That's MB's desktop. :(:(:(:(

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

I know. :(




Kilmer's Lips. :(:(
Bale's better.:up::batman:

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

That's MB's desktop. :(:(:(:(
*Goes to throw up.*:o

[Batman]

Bale's better.:up::batman:

Mine are even better. :batman::up:

...

Okay, that was a blatant lie. :(

[Batman]

That's MB's desktop. :(

You think that's bad? You should see Sava's. :(
I didn't know the Hulk was that flexible. :(:(:(

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Mine are even better. :batman::up:

...

Okay, that was a blatant lie. :(
The most enjoyable part for you of your Batman pics is seeing Katie in them.

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Bye,everyone. Going to bed. See y'all tomorrow.:D

[DOG LIPS]

See ya, Sml. :):up:

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

Bye bye DL. Sweet dreams.;) Look at HZA. I wrote back to you.
Nighty night MB.

[Batman]

Bye bye DL. Sweet dreams.;) Look at HZA. I wrote back to you.
Nighty night MB.
:) :up:

[Holly Goodhead]

im gonna write a chapter

[DOG LIPS]

DL's crib..... exactly 500 hours later, minus 450 hours, plus 20, minus 50 hours, divided by 2, minus 3 hours and 14 minutes..........


DL sat in his kitchen, cleaning his pistol and every now and then dry clicking it at his son.

DL: "Come here and give me a hug."

DL JR.: "Why?"

DL :"Cause I'll kill your face if you don't!" :mad:

DL JR. ran over and hugged him then stood back in terror.

DL: "Go on, getta outta here." (Laughs lightly)

DL JR. ran for his life out of the kitchen and through the house, running by his mom in the living room and crying like a weenis. Godzilla2000 looked up to see a greasy looking man standing in the den looking around.

Godzilla2000: "Can I help you??"

MB: "Hello, the door was open, mind if I come in? I'm Master Bruce."

G2K looked past him and saw the front door wide open, the frame was hanging off and it looked like it had been kicked in.

G2K: "Oh the fish guy! I'm DL's weekend wife."

MB: "...W-Who told you that? I got that cleared up, I'm clean now, and... oh! OH! You mean fish as in my job! Yeah, hi! Is your husband home?"

G2K: "Yes, he is."

MB: "I'd really like to talk to him."

G2K: "I don't."

MB: "....OK."

G2K: "Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Soda?"

MB: "No, no thank you, I brought guano-flavored wine."

G2K: "......How nice...."

MB threw the bottle at G2K and she barely caught it, then walked away cursing him. DL was sitting at the kitchen table, 17 empty beer bottles all around him, still cleaning his gun.

MB: "You drink away your problems, too?"

DL: "I don't drink, but my new baby is a beer whore. It's the only way to shut that fat **** up."

MB: "..........."

MB looked down and saw a half-eaten sammich in front of DL. DL lifted it and took another bite, then put it down.

MB: "Is anyone eating this?"

MB grabbed the sammich and stuffed it into his face, sending ham into his eyes and all over his chin.

G2K: "....I guess you are."

G2K: "My husband tells me you're in sharks?"

MB: "I've never heard it that way but yes, mouth holes, butt holes, ear holes, butt holes. I LOVE sharks."

DL: "You LOVE sharks?"

MB: "Yes LOVE them. When I was twelve years old my father got me this boat. And I went fishing off of cape crotch, and I hooked a blow fish, and as I was reeling it in I hooked a one and a half foot baby thrasher shark. Who proceeded to eat my boat. Heh, heh, he ate my uh, oar hooks and uh my car seat cushions, he turned an inboard into an outboard scared me to death and I swam back to shore. And when I was on the beach, I turned around I actually saw my boat being taken apart and it flicked me off, ever since then I, yes, I have been studying sharks and their tight buns, and that's why I know that I'm gonna go to the institute tomorrow and tell them you still have a shark problem here."

DL: "Why would you tell them that, sweet nipps? They caught the shark."

MB: "They caught A shark, not THE shark. Not the one that killed that girl, and probably not the one that ate that fat kid's fatty fat fat ass. You know, you're going to be the only psycho here once I leave?"

DL: "Leave? Where you going?"

MB: "The Anusora. It's a cruise ship, I won a place on the new Road Rules: At Sea season 2. I'm going to be the gay character."

DL: "Well, then let's go cut open that shark as a going away present."

G2K: "Can you do that?"

DL: "I can do anything!!! I'm the ****ing CHIEF!! B****!!"

DL loaded his gun quickly and shot up the wall behind her. She ran out and MB looked terrified.

DL: "Women.... can't live with em', can't shoot em' in the face. ....Or can you?"

MB: "....No..... you can't."

DL: "Spoil sport." :mad:

[Flexo]

No time later, since reality is merely a fallacy ultimologically possessed only in the imagination. And my watch is broken.

Chief Dog Lips and Inspector Master Bruce slid stealthily along, sneaking to the docks were the big-ass shark was held.

DL: "Duh dun.... duh dud do da daaaa ba bad baddiddadohaAAAAAAAAAAA! DA!"

MB: "What the **** are you doing?"

DL: "Jesus Crist almighty, don't be a weenis. It's the official Jaws Hype Beach Massacre theme song. Now sing along, or I'll shoot you in the ace hole."

MB: "Bibba babba die da fo di da la too meee to ma ka! "

DL: "You're off-tone."

MB: " :mad: "

Finally, they arrived at their destination. They cut the shark down, and prepared to inspect the intestines.

DL: "Oright than, let's cut some shark basteed. Wait... what the **** are you doing man?!"

MB was touching the shark's, shall we say, dorsal fin? A faint noise was heard, causing both men to become alert.

Captian Picard Kirk Spock Lee (Newly promoted): "KEEP IT DOWN YOU *****! CAN'T YOU SEE SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO NAP! Oi!"

Grand Admiral Lee (Newly promoted) then retreated back to his pile of fish heads and went back to sleep. MB took the awkward pause to start touching the shark again.

MB: "I'm trying to massage the shark. Y'know, loosen it up. Me have fun long time."

DL: " I will shoot you in your ****ing wife stealing face, mutha ****er."

MB: "What?" :confused:

DL: "What?" :confused:

MB: "I'm bringing the shark down so we can cut it open."

DL: "How 'bout them Nicks?"

After the shark was finally down and open, the men began the process of emptying the shark's over-crammed gullet. Inside they found hundreds of objects tossed into the sea by angry people with decent taste. They pulled out parachute pants, Git-R-Done t-shirts, Urkel, Jimmy Hoffa, Bill Clinton's biography, the soundtrack for Hewy Lewis and the News, pink jolly ranchers, and every DVD ever made of Star Wars Episode 3.

DL knew it was all junk and worthless, so he immediatly started the pier on fire to destroy the evidence. Unfortunatly he also started MB on fire, too, but nobody seemed to notice.

DL: "Damnit Smith, now we have to find the real 500 foot killer robot."

MB (Still on fire): "You mean shark, right?"

DL: "Shut your pie hole, bwa."

MB: :(

DL: :mad:

MB: :(

DL: "I can't stay mad at you. Let's get some Taco Johns."

MB: :)

[Batman]

Hours, Minutes... Whatever You Generally Prefer, Mutliplied and Divided by Eight...Later, On The Bat-Boat...

Robin: "Holy Unessacary Cameos, Batman!"

Batman: "Oh go **** yourself, O'Donnel."

On another boat, nearby...

DL and MB feast upon Taco John's delicious quesidillas. MB turns to DL, with Bueno sauce on his upper lip.

MB: "What the hell is 'Taco Johns', anyway? Why couldn't we have used more mainstream Mexican restraunt? Like Taco Bell? Or... Uh..."

MB thinks for a moment.

MB: "...Taco Bell?"

DL: "Because you're a weenis."

MB: "Whroe. :mad: "

DL: "Leee. :mad: "

MB: "...You do realise no one else will get this, right?"

DL: "Shut it, nipple nope. :mad: "

MB: " :mad: "

DL looks out at the water.

DL: "AHHH!!! AHHHH!!! I JUST REMEMBERED I'M AFRAID OF THE WATER!!!"

MB: "...Why?"

DL: "Hell if I know."

MB: "Don't you wanna know where we are?"

DL: "I don't know. Do I?"

MB: "Avast, We be settin' sail at dawn, Matey!"

DL: "..."

DL: "...the hell did you just say?"

MB: "I said we're right in the stretch where he's feeding. Jesus Christ, does everyone on this island need their hearing checked?"

DL turns to a fancy high-tech monitor, with DVD capabilites. Even though this takes place many years before DVD is invented.

DL: "Hey, you get the nudie channel on here?"

MB: "Stop looking at that! That's the feed to the camera I have in Katie Holmes' shower!"

DL: "..."

DL: "*looks harder*"

DL: "OH DEAR GOD! TOM'S IN THERE!"

MB: "That's... That's not Tom. It's worse. That's John Travolta!"

DL: "..."

DL: "How do you afford all this stuff, anyway?"

MB: "I inherited it after my parents were slain infront of me by a mugger, and I vowed to avenge the evil that took their lives."

DL: "You serious?"

MB: "Hell no. I won it in a game show."

DL: "And you keep getting payed?"

MB: "Yeah."

DL: "So the goverment pays you to watch Sharks?"

MB: "They pay me to watch Sharks. I use it to watch... Well, you know who."

DL looks down at one of the bags on the boat. It's filled with snapshots of Katie Holmes. DL looks back at MB.

DL: "You beeft lef."

MB: "...."

Suddenly, one of the machines starts beeping. MB smashes it with a bat.

DL: "What was that thing?"

MB: "The alarm clock. I forgot to turn it off, this morning."

Another beep errupts from another machine. MB also smashes that with a bat.

DL: "An alarm clock?"

MB: "No. The Microwave."

Another beep errupts from yet another . MB smashes it with the bat, like the others.

DL: "I'm guessing you didn't need that."

MB: "..."

MB: "...Oh...Oh s***. That was the fish finder."

DL: ":eek: "

DL: "You mean that thing is here?!"

MB: "Nah, it could be anything. A school of macoral. A school of macreil. A school of macaroni and cheese. Or even Kate Moss."

DL: "So where did it come from?"

MB: "About three miles from Uranus."

DL: "The planet?"

MB: "No, your butthole."

DL: "...WTF?"

Their boat arrives next to a red boat, with girly flowers and pink stripes painted on it.

DL: "That's Dante Spardaz' boat!"

MB: "You know him?"

DL: "No."

MB: "..."

MB races to a closet, ontop of the boat, and opens it up, revealing the cape and cowl of Batman. He knocks those down, and grabs his wetsuit, behind them.

MB: "I'm gonna check it out, slutsaphrenic."

DL: "Can't we just tow it?"

MB: "Yeah, but... that'd be kinda boring, wouldn't it?"

DL: "I suppose so. Well, fairwell, my Captain, O' Captain."

MB: "..."

MB: "I blame any bad jokes and/or references from this point on entirely on Flexo."

Flexo: "Yar. Up yours."

MB: "Anyway, I'm off."

DL: "What am I supposed to do?"

MB: "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't touch anything. I'll be back in an hour."

DL: "HOUR?!"

MB: "I said two minutes, damn you!"

MB goes into the water. DL looks around, before going over to the live feed of the Katie Holmes shower cam.

John Travolta: "GREASE! Like, Ohmigawd."

[DOG LIPS]

Yaaarrrggghhh. Bout time ye butt lubber. :mad::up:

[Holly Goodhead]

why am i not in this.

[DOG LIPS]

why am i not in this.
I'll add you in my entry. It may not be pretty though.

[Holly Goodhead]

i dont want to die, i hate sharks.:o

[DOG LIPS]

i dont want to die, i hate sharks.:o
Maybe you can BE the shark. :o

[Holly Goodhead]

forget it, this is so 2 minutes ago now.

[DOG LIPS]

Fine, I'll give a horrific, bloody, detailed shark death to someone else then. :mad:

[Holly Goodhead]

go ahead!

[BEER]

will you two shut up and make out already

[DOG LIPS]

go ahead!
I will!! :mad:

[Holly Goodhead]

I will!! :mad:

take your pants off!:mad:

[DOG LIPS]

take your pants off!:mad:
No, you! :mad:

[Holly Goodhead]

No, you! :mad:

:confused: pervert

[DOG LIPS]

:confused: Nympho.

[Holly Goodhead]

was it good for you?

[bored]

Whatever happened to bored?

[DOG LIPS]

Whatever happened to bored?
He got bored and left.

[Flexo]

Yaaarrrggghhh. Bout time ye butt lubber. :mad::up:

My clothes are all in pawn
Go down you blood red roses, go down
And it's mighty draughty around Cape Horn
Go down you blood red roses, go down
Oh, you pinks and posies
Go down you blood red roses, go down

It's round Cape Horn we've got to go
Chasing whales through ice and snow

Oh my old mother she wrote to me
My darling son come home from sea

Oh it's one more pull and that will do
For we're the bullies to kick her through

What I be tryin' ta say is this, ya done good, matey. :mad: :up:

[DOG LIPS]

Now. ....That's right, NOW. Now, now. Right ****ing NOW.....



DL helped MB get the oxy tank on his back, then helped him to the side of the boat. DL looked past him into the dark water and frowned at the idea. MB reached down and hit a switch underneath the rail. A line of floodlights lit up on the bottom of his boat, illuminating the water all around them.

MB: "Ok, now if that machine over there beeps, you yank my pole and I'll know to s*** my pants, then die."

DL: "What?"

MB: *Sigh* "I said pull the rope attached to my waist if that machine beeps so I know something is coming."

DL: "Gotcha."

MB: "Help me into the water."

DL then put his boot against MB's face, and before MB could protest, DL roughly shoved him off the boat. MB stayed at the surface long enough to mimic a lever attached to his right hand, turning it with his left, and slowly raising his middle finger. He then went under and started swimming towards the seabed.


DL yawned, then looked around the deck of the boat. He saw a cooler against the side and grinned. He then ran over to it and cracked it open. Inside there were several bottle of wine, and several bottles of lotion. He wondered what the lotion was for, then he saw a hidden copy of "Man-Juggs" magazine.

DL: "That sick son of a lard."

DL then popped open a bottle of wine and took a sip of it. He immediately passed out and fell back hard on the deck, snoring loudly. He never was much of a drinker.


MB made his way down into the murky water towards the boat. Even with the lights from the boat, it was hella dark down there. ....Hella. He pointed his flashlight at the side of the boat as he swam along. He stopped at a huge gaping hole in the side. It looked as if something had crashed into it and sunk it. He then saw a DVD case sticking into a crack in the hull of the boat and he grabbed it and wrestled it free. He held it in front of his mask and shined his flashlight on it. "Chuck Norris 1 Second Abs. Simply open the case and the DVD will do the rest." He thought about how it made no sense, how the hell could you do a 1 second workout and get abs? He looked back into the darkness and saw no movement. He then looked at his line and saw no warning from DL, so he decided "Eh, what the hell." And he slowly opened the DVD case. Just as he did, a foot flew out of it and kicked him in the stomach so hard he almost spit out his mouthpiece. He dropped the case and rolled around in pain. He let out a muffled scream and silently cursed the DVD case in his head. After a few moments, and relaxed and was shocked to feel that his fat gut was a little less fatass. He looked at the ocean floor and saw his flashlight had fallen a few feet away from him. Before he could reach down and get it, a small light inside the boat caught his attention. He looked into the darkness and saw a strange glow coming from within. It looked like a small neon light, jammed into something. MB reached in and grabbed a hold of it and lightly tugged on it. It didn't budge. He then put his foot against the side of the boat and after a second, gave it a huge yank, pulling out a corpse on top of him. The body was beefy and mangled, but he recognized that it was Dante from some naked pictures DL had shown him. The neon nite-light was jammed in the corpse's ass, and he doubted the shark had done it. MB screamed loudly and spat out his mouth piece, then swam as fast and as hard as he could to the surface, filling his panties the whole way up with feces.

[Flexo]

A Chuck Norris workout DVD? BRILLIANT!

[Flexo]

http://www.libertyfilmfestival.com/libertas/wp-content/roy_scheider4.jpg
DL: That's it! Tell everyone that the beaches are closed.

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/beachkids.gif
Beach Kids: OH NOES!!!!1!

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/bettermayor.gif
Mayor Lee (Newly elected): Damnit, children! Come back here and put suntan lotion on me! Uh... I mean, damnit children, come back! The beaches aren't closed!

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/mayor.gif
DL: Damnit man, I enjoy watching children frollick at the beach as much as any man, but the beaches must be closed!

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/hat.gif
Damnit, he's right! People have been killed by Richard Kiel!

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/jawsbond.gif
Richard Kile: What did you say?

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/bathooper.gif
MB: You heard me. JAWAS! Er... SHARK JAWS!

[Flexo]

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/jackson.gif
Samuel L. Jackson: And there's not a got damned thing you can do to stop the snakes. Or planes. Or sharks. Trust me, I starred in Deep Blue Sea. Mutha****er.

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/bettermayor.gif
Govna Lee (Newly elected): Oi, I just remembered I'm a 'orrible British stereotype. And as such, I'm going to 'ave to keep a stiff upper lip and forget about those eaten'.

http://www.filelodge.com/files/room17/424248/beachkids.gif
Beach Kids (Running in reverse): Oh yeah!

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_vids/coolaid.jpg
Kool-Aid Guy: Little *****es stole my line.

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

^ Lol.

[Jecht]

This thread is awesome

[PhotoJones]

great work!

[GreatWhiteShark]

This crap is slander! I'll sue all of your asses!

[Jecht]

*Searches for a .gif that has the words "You're not funny!" in them*

[Flexo]

This crap is slander! I'll sue all of your asses!

You and what army? Huh, HUH?! :mad:

[Shark]

You and what army? Huh, HUH?! :mad:

This army, Chum-face. :mad:

[TIGER SHARK]

I'm about to punch some faces. :mad:

[Flexo]

JESUS CHRIST, they're poppin' out of the woodwork! DL, MB, we've got an infestation. :eek:

You damn dirty sharks are the scourge of the world.

[The Real Shark]

Shut up, you :mad:

[Flexo]

Shut up, you :mad:

I've dealt with you monsters before... :mad:

http://easyreader.hermosawave.net/news2001/0503/Rb---West-Side.jpg

[DOG LIPS]

http://www.secretcomputer.com/www.sharkzapper.com/sign.jpg

[Flexo]

Those sharks'll never take us alive, DL! Neva!

[Batman]

Somebody get me a harpoon, damn it. :mad:

[DBella]

Can I have the part of the jellyfish in this fanfic?

[DOG LIPS]

Can I have the part of the jellyfish in this fanfic?
You're so squishy. *drools*

[Flexo]

Can I have the part of the jellyfish in this fanfic?

We'll probably end up sticking in 20 cameos at the end. If we ever get that far.

[Batman]

Can I have the part of the jellyfish in this fanfic?

If I can make out with it. :o

[DBella]

If I can make out with it. :o
It's dangerous to make out with a jellyfish. :o

You're so squishy. *drools*
And I sting too. ;)

We'll probably end up sticking in 20 cameos at the end. If we ever get that far.
I'll get far. I'm a jellyfish. Don't know about you though. What's your character?

[Flexo]

It's dangerous to make out with a jellyfish. :o


And I sting too. ;)


I'll get far. I'm a jellyfish. Don't know about you though. What's your character?

I'm Flexo, the salty sea captain with a heart of gold. And a bastard inner child.

I meant the story hasn't been updated in a long time. *Cough*Hint*Cough*

[DBella]

I'm Flexo, the salty sea captain with a heart of gold. And a bastard inner child.

I meant the story hasn't been updated in a long time. *Cough*Hint*Cough*
You won't live long. :o

[Batman]

It's dangerous to make out with a jellyfish. :o


I'll risk it. :o

[Flexo]

You won't live long. :o

I make it to the near end. :(

[GreatWhiteShark]

You racist punks. :(

[Flexo]

You racist punks. :(

You're just angry you don't have thumbs or a soul. :mad:

[DBella]

I'll risk it. :o
But the risk could be... death. :(

I make it to the near end. :(
I'd like to be the cause of your demise. Can I?

[Batman]

But the risk could be... death. :(


...I'll risk it. :o

[Flexo]

But the risk could be... death. :(


I'd like to be the cause of your demise. Can I?

Depends on who writes the chapter.

[Abaddon]

I wanna be Dbella's butt so MB can kiss me.

[DBella]

Depends on who writes the chapter.
Who's the writer? Or who ARE the writers for this fan fic?

[DBella]

I wanna be Dbella's butt so MB can kiss me.
Does jellyfish have a butt?

[Batman]

I wanna be Dbella's butt so MB can kiss me.

You dirty whore. :(

[Batman]

Who's the writer? Or who ARE the writers for this fan fic?

DL, Flexo, and myself.

[DBella]

DL, Flexo, and myself.
So, do I get to be the jellyfish that stings Flexo to death?
You can eat me afterwards.

Wait... scratch that last bit... doesn't sound right.

[Batman]

So, do I get to be the jellyfish that stings Flexo to death?
You can eat me afterwards.

Wait... scratch that last bit... doesn't sound right.

...It doesn't? :o

And you may, if I get to write that part. Or DL. Flexo won't, cause he's a damned, dirty zombie lover. :mad:

[DBella]

...It doesn't? :o

And you may, if I get to write that part. Or DL. Flexo won't, cause he's a damned, dirty zombie lover. :mad:
He's a pirate in this one?
Why does that made me think of Mr. Crabs instantly?

[DOG LIPS]

If I add Bella she will be a naked mermaid. *drools*

[Holly Goodhead]

I hate swimming at night in my pool. I always think theres a shark in there, but its just Dog Lips, which is even worse.

[Batman]

He's a pirate in this one?
Why does that made me think of Mr. Crabs instantly?

...Say, there's an idea.

MASTERBOB BRUCEPANTS: A Hype Original!

[DBella]

...Say, there's an idea.

MASTERBOB BRUCEPANTS: A Hype Original!
Oooh... oooh... I wanna be either Mrs. Puffs or Sandy!!! :D

If I add Bella she will be a naked mermaid. *drools*
I get to sit on a rock all day? Yay!! :up: :D

[Abaddon]

You dirty whore. :(


Dbella's butt is quite clean actually.

[DOG LIPS]

Oooh... oooh... I wanna be either Mrs. Puffs or Sandy!!! :D


I get to sit on a rock all day? Yay!! :up: :D
Yup.


...MY rock. :ohttp://elouai.com/images/yahoo/32.gif

[Holly Goodhead]

Yup.


...MY rock. :ohttp://elouai.com/images/yahoo/32.gif

Do you ever say anything that doesnt revolve around sexual innuendo?

[DBella]

Dbella's butt is quite clean actually.
It's more than "quite clean"... even my fart don't stink. :o

[DBella]

Do you ever say anything that doesnt revolve around sexual innuendo?
He's a DOG afterall. :o

[Holly Goodhead]

It's more than "quite clean"... even my fart don't stink. :o

Girls dont fart, or poop. We dont have buttholes either. Its weird.

[DBella]

Girls dont fart, or poop. We dont have buttholes either. Its weird.
Well, I'm a special kind of girl.

[Jecht]

He's a DOG afterall. :o
A dog that think he's a cat.

[Abaddon]

It's more than "quite clean"... even my fart don't stink. :o

Now youre kidding yourself.You could eat a dozen roses a day,your farts still gonna smell like warm poop.:)

[Batman]

It's more than "quite clean"... even my fart don't stink. :o

...

That should, by no means, be even the slightest bit sexy. :o

...So why is it? :(

[Holly Goodhead]

Well, I'm a special kind of girl.

My friend crapped her pants once.

[Holly Goodhead]

And by my friend I mean me. :( Just now..

[DBella]

Now youre kidding yourself.You could eat a dozen roses a day,your farts still gonna smell like warm poop.:)
I save those for you coz you're special. ;)

[DBella]

...

That should, by no means, be even the slightest bit sexy. :o

...So why is it? :(
Coz I am? :confused: :o

[Abaddon]

I save those for you coz you're special. ;)



Aww...:O

[Batman]

Coz I am? :confused: :o

Well, it's the only rational explaination.

[Flexo]

...It doesn't? :o

And you may, if I get to write that part. Or DL. Flexo won't, cause he's a damned, dirty zombie lover. :mad:

That's right. I might have the heart to kill my character, but he'd go out being eaten by a shark. Just like Quint. (RIP :( )

Although, if I am killed, I'll bring me back when it's my turn.

[Batman]

Many moons ago, same Bat-Time, same Bat-channel...

DL stands, utterly confused by what just happened.

DL: ":confused:"

See?

DL: "Well... that was all completely pointless. Goody. Now we know where this damned story is going. Nowhere. :("

Meanwhile, as the kids frolick around President Lee (Newly elected), Something pops up out of the water behind someone. Immediatley, the person begins screaming. This is joined by more screaming. DL looks over, mortified.

DL: "Oh no. Lee took off his shorts again..."

Ambassador Lee (Newly promoted): "Oi! I gots me fish and chips, I do, I do!"

DL: "..."

DL: "I need a drink, after this..."

Suddenly, DL realises something.

DL: "...Maybe some buffalo wings, too.http://elouai.com/images/yahoo/32.gif"

MB: *in the distance* "Fatass."

DL: "Your turkey baster."

Suddenly, yet again, DL realises something. Lee is screaming from many miles away. He's not even in the water. He got a crab stuck on his foot.

DL: "...Hold on. If Lee is over there, and people are screaming over there, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman wins an oscar just before appearing in a summer blockbuster starring Tom 'Crazy' Cruise... Then that can only mean..."

DL: ":eek:"

DL: "SHARK! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER!!!"

DL hears a noise, looking down at his pants. He unzips them, pulling out his walkie talkie. (...That's not innuendo, by the way)

MB: "What the hell are you talking about? There is no shark!"

DL: "But... But I did math, and all..."

MB: "My two year old illegitimate son could do math. Doesn't mean you're right. Ass."

DL: "Yeah, but... Wait... illegitamate son?"

MB: "GODDAMN IT! I SAID PARIS HILTON! PARIS. HILTON! EVEN PARIS HILTON COULD DO MATH! SON OF A B-"

MB cuts out on the walkie talkie. DL looks out at the ocean, seeing something in the distance. It's...

DL: "..."

The San Antonio Spurs, taking a swimming lesson. In ballerina tutus. But otherwise, no Shark in sight. DL simply sighs, and walks off to get a tall, cold one.

MB: "...That innuendo?"

...No. You bastard.

Meanwhile...

A tall, gorgeous young woman under the influence of obvious religon related mind control jogs around the beach, naked, much to the delight of MB and... well, no one else. She stops, looking at the beach, as she spots something. Her eyes widen.

Back at the beach...

DL turns, hearing more screams.

DL: "Son of a beeyotch. I want to go home and plow MB's mom, damn it. This better be important, or there'll be faces to punch. :mad:"

Katie Holmes (From Distance): "S...Sh...

DL: "What?"

Katie Holmes (From Distance): "Sh... Shar... TOM CRUISE!!!"

DL: "Who?"

Katie Holmes (From Distance): "MY FIANCEE!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!"

DL begins walking. Then running, towards the beach, alert, as he realises his son is on that beach.

Katie Holmes (From Distance): "...Oh, and some fin or something is sticking up out of the water."

Shark: "..."

Shark: "Well gee, there goes my cover. Thanks alot, b****. :mad:"

DL continues running, as the beachgoers run in fear from Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise: "I'M NOT CRAZY! I KNOW THE HISTORY OF CRAZINESS! YOU DON'T! YOU'RE ALL GLIB! GLIB! ZOOBLAEFOO!"

DL knocks him over, running out towards the ocean as he spots the Shark.

Tom Cruise: "Avenge me... Travolta... Nya..."

John Travolta: "..."

John Travolta: *flies away on umbrella copter*

In the ocean...

DOG LIPS Jr.: "Asswipes."

DL's Dead Father: "Damn it! Stop saying that!"

The Shark begins swimming after DL Jr., at mind numbing speeds. Infact... I'm getting... sl... sloooooweeer... just....waaatcching... ittt....

Shark: "DunaDunaDunaDunaDunaDuna..."

Shark: "Wait ...Don't we have music?"

DL: "Lousy John Williams wouldn't accept our offer of three pales of chicken livers. The weenis. :mad:"

Shark: "*grumbles* DunaDunaDunaDunaDunaDunaDuna..."

The Shark continues towards DL Jr, almost ready to bite him.

Shark: "I'm gonna bitechoos!"

Carlos Mencia: "..."

Carlos Mencia: "I-"

Comedy Central: "...Don't even think about it."

[Abaddon]

Holy crap,I thought this fell into the depths of oblivion.

[DOG LIPS]

Holy crap,I thought this fell into the depths of oblivion.
It did, MB is just rubbing his victory in Flexo's face. :(

[bored]

Holy Toblerones, it's back!:eek:

[Batman]

Yes, it is.

Back with... a VENGEANCE!:eek: