Not-At-All-Original-Publications Presents: A Hype Odyssey!

[bored]

Yes, yes, Ladies and Gentlemen who wish they knew more Ladies, I'm back! Not that I ever went anywhere. Or that I finished "Hype World" that long ago. Or that I'm not still posting stuff here ("X-Men: Reimagined", not so much a reimagining as me ****ing around with a franchise without bothering to conform to any continuity other than what I think would be neat). Anyways, I'm back! Or something or other, like that. ****, where was I going with this? Dammit, I've lost my train of thought :mad:! OH! Oh, that's right! Yeah. Anyways, I like puppies, and long walks on the beach, and air guitar, and I'm really interested in a woman who will...

Wait, no, still off. Okay, got it.

After "Hype World" was concluded, I said I was considering a sequel/spin-off of sorts. Now, for those of you who didn't read "Hype World", shame on you. Why are you here, and not reading that? Moving on, there was a part at the end where, due to a mix-up while several people were jumping through a portal to reach the home of the Mods, who were being held captive by JPlaya (what? it made sense to me.), some of the characters, instead of reaching their destination, were instead dropped in the hellish wasteland known as Ohio. I chronicled their exploits to an extent, including their eventual return to Hype World, and their encounter with aging football legend Brett Favre, but I left out a great deal of the tale. So, I said I may tell the world how they escaped the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame after Lord Valumart messed up an exhibit and eventually made it back home. I don't feel like spending several months on this one, so it'll be a short Odyssey (something that punk Homer couldn't manage), but hopefully it will, carrying on the legacy of its predecessor, be utterly bizarre and slightly hilarious. So, may I neutrally present to you:

A HYPE ODYSSEY

Starring:

CConn
Phantasm
Powderman
Rigel7Soldiers
Lord Valumart
Master Bruce
Sava
Wilhelm-Scream
Gunblade
and Brett Favre


Previously, in "Hype World: An Epic":

Meanwhile, in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (which is in Cleveland)...

Lord Valumart: Look at me, I'm Jimi Hendrix!

LV plucked a string on a bass guitar that was played by Paul McCartney on the "Abbey Road" album.

security guard: There's another one! Get him!

CConn: Dammit, Valumart! Come on guys!

Master Bruce: What are we going to do?

Phantasm: Maybe a random football player will come and act as a Deux ex Machina to help us escape!

CConn: What? No, no that's just stupid.

Brett Favre: Awww, but I came all this way .

CConn: You should have retired years ago! Now either run with us or go away!



And now, we rejoin our heroes:

----------------------------------------

CConn burst through the door, and to freedom.

CConn: But now I'm still on Ohio, and out of one of its few interesting destinations :mad:.

Oh, right. But hey, it could be worse.

CConn: How?

You could be in an Ohio prison.

CConn: Eh, well, count your blessings, I suppose.

Powderman: CConn.... Who the hell.... are you talking to?????

CConn shook his head, and rubbed his eyes.

CConn: Good question, now let's keep moving!

CConn hurried up. With him were Powderman, Sava, Lord Valumart, Master Bruce, Gunblade, Wilhelm-Scream, Rigel7Soldiers, and Phantasm.

Master Bruce: If we're lucky, we can make it to Cincinnati to see the Bengals play!

Brett Favre: The Bengals were knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by the Steelers.

Master Bruce: Aw:( .

CConn: Why are you still here?

Brett Favre: Let's just say Carson Palmer is still doing better than me, even after his groin injury kept him out of the post-season, and the Pro Bowl, and was a big reason they lost their last regular season game to the Chiefs, 37-3.

CConn: They did, really?



Meanwhile, back in Hype World...

bored: HELLZ YEAH!



CConn: Well that doesn't leave much for us. Come on, we need to find some place where the police can't get us. This is your fault, Valumart!

Lord Valumart: I just wanted to rock:( .

CConn: Well, now the only important establishment in Cleveland is mad at us!

Lord Valumart: Blimey.

Brett Favre: While I made my career in Wisconsin, I know enough about Ohio to refute that. There is another.

CConn: Okay then, lead the way.

Brett Favre: Oh, I have to lead, then? Okay, let me break out the ol' walker. I need it for long trips.

The group paused as Favre broke out his collapsable walker.

Phantasm: That may have been a mistake.

Gunblade: Oh, give him a chance.

Phantasm: Make me!

Gunblade: I will!

As Favre got his bearings, the two girls got into a catfight, which kept the others, as well as several bystanders, entertained for the next few minutes.



Hours later, the Hypesters were led into a large, underground lair on the outskirts of Cleveland.

Rigel7Soldiers: I think this is an old, abandoned Sizzler.

Brett Favre: That's true.

Gunblade: Ew, I hate Sizzler.

Phantasm: That true? Well, in that case, Sizzler rules!

Gunblade: What did you say?!

Phantasm: You heard me!

The two had started slapping each other, when there was a large gust of foul, hot air.

deep, mysterious voice: *Jabba-like* Haugh, haugh, haugh. Who dares enter my kingdom?

Brett Favre: It is I, sir. The one known as Favre.

dmv: Ah, yes. How is retirement treating you, Mr. Favre?

Brett Favre: Um, I'm actually still playing:O.

dmv: What?! But the Packers were so bad this year! The only good game they played was against the Seahawks!

Brett Favre: Rub it in, why don't you?:mad:

dmv: Enough. Why are you here?

The owner of the voice, covered in shadow, saw Phantasm and Gunblade fighting.

dmv: Oooh, a sacrifice.

Phanty and Gunny: :confused:

dmv: No?

Brett Favre: No. Sorry.

dmv: Poo.

Brett Favre: Sir, we've come to request your services. These people are lost, and need safe passage home.

dmv: I do not grant such things for free. Let us negotiate.

After struggling to reach far enough, the figure reached, and flicked, a light-switch. The person looked, as expected, a lot like Jabba the Hut, though with a crew-cut and glasses.

Brett Favre: Just tell us what you require.

Drew Carey: I have for you my grocery list.

They noticed a piece of notebook paper stuck to Carey the Hutt's greasy chest.

Drew Carey: Bring me everything I've listed, and I will help you.

Favre reached for it.

Drew Carey: Not you.

He glanced past Brett Favre.

Phantasm: Me? Ewww!

Drew Carey: No, not you. You.

Sava: What? Oh, not cool.

[Batman]

Hahahaha...Nice. :up:

[The Squirrel]

what bruce said.

:up:

[POWdER-man]

hahaha.......I should have seen that one coming Ohio = Drew Carey...


Good to see you back bored...:up:

[bored]

Sava grimaced and whimpered all the way out of Drew Carey's lair.

Phantasm: And I thought he was doing so well.

Brett Favre: That whole 'camera adds ten pounds' thing? Total bull****, if you hadn't guessed. *sigh*

CConn: What?

Brett Favre: Oh, nothing, I just said '****'. I haven't gone b.m. in years.

CConn: Seriously, why haven't you retired yet?

Brett Favre: Hey, we kicked the Seahawks' asses!

CConn: After your season was irreparably gone, and their shot at the post-season was solid.

Master Bruce: Oh, let him have his glory, CConn.

Brett Favre: *singing* One game/ Glory
One game/ Before I go/ Glory
One song to leave behind/
Play one game/
One last high QB rating/
Glory

CConn: Sooo... Hey, Sava, what's on that list?

Sava: Must... Burn.... Hand....

Powderman: Must be easy..... With all that grease on it.

Wilhelm-Scream: I think that's all from Drew Carey. It's how he clung it to his man-booby.

Sava: I had to touch him.

Powderman: Oh... For Xenu's sake.... Rigel!

Rigel7Soldiers: Buy a newspaper! I mean, give me the list! Ew, it really is greasy.

Master Bruce: So, what's on it.

Rigel7Soldiers: Hold on, this'll take a minute.

Lord Valumart: Oy, I'll put the kettle on.

Phantasm: You brought a kettle.

Lord Valumart: You sayin' I'm not English?

Phantasm: What? No, I just-

Lord Valumart: That's right, luv.

Rigel7Soldiers: Okay, first thing, we need ten pounds of Crisco. I assume he uses it in lieu of soap.

Brett Favre: Ten pounds?!

Gunblade: Well, where's the nearest Sam's Club?

Brett Favre: Let's go find a bus stop.


On the bus....

Brett Favre: While we're at the store, I need to stock up on Depends. I really need to.

everyone else: *scoot away quietly*


At Sam's Club....

CConn: Okay, that's 10 pounds of Crisco, thirty bags of hot wings, twenty-eight packages of bratwurst, six jumbo cases of bleu-cheese dressing, and a metric ton of Alka-Seltzer.

Brett Favre: He only gets that for guests.

CConn: Big surprise. It's only a small portion of his grocery list.

Powderman: I've got.... A whole massive shopping cart full of large pizzas of kinds they make especially for Drew.

Rigel7Soldiers: And the ice cream. I really hope he's just planning a birthday party.

Master Bruce: I somehow doubt that.


Meanwhile, back at the lair of Carey the Hutt....

Drew Carey: *on the phone* What? Of course I didn't forget your birthday, Ryan Stiles. *hangs up* Okay, think fast, Drew.


Gunblade: Let's get the Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets, like he asked.

Phantasm: No! Those things are disgusting! He needs to eat a little healthier. I'm getting him the Philly Steak Lean Pockets.

Gunblade: But he'll know they're not the right thing!

Phantasm: Look, Gunhussy, I know what I'm doing. We'll be fine.

Gunblade: *glare* I hope you're right. For your sake.


Later, at the check-out line...

Master Bruce: The money we're paying here could ease the debt of a Third-World Nation.

Bono: Alright, laddy, hand it over!

Master Bruce: Dude, come on, no more celebrity cameos.

Sorry.

Bono: I'll be on my way, then.

Brett Favre: Good thing I used to be an extremely respectable NFL quarterback. I can pay for this many times over. Those suckers in Management over at Green Bay haven't actually watched a game in two years.

Wilhelm-Scream: So are we done, then?

Sava: I didn't get the lighter fluid for my hand.

Wilhelm-Scream: Are we actually done, then?

CConn: Yeah.

Bono: If you've got some of that left over, be sure to send it to the starving children in Africa.

Master Bruce: Hey!

Sorry. I'm going to have to renege on 'no more cameos' in a minute, anyway.

Master Bruce: Prick.

Hey, you're going to like this.

Wilhelm-Scream: Bruce, who are you talking to?

Master Bruce: The third-person narrator.

Wilhelm-Scream: Riiiiight. Well, chat with him later. We've got to go and get all this food back to Drew Carey if we want to find a way out of Ohio.

A shadow fell on the ground. It wasn't a big shadow, mind you, and it was far from the Hypesters, so none of them really noticed him as he entered, but someone else did.

greeter: Hey, do you have your Membership Card?

ominous stranger: Oh, yes, of course, right here.

greeter: Well, go right along, then.

The stranger walked past the many flat-screen LCD televisions, and headed for Check-Out. He was so short that, despite who he was, nobody really noticed him, not until he spoke, that was.

ominous stranger: MASTER BRUCE!

Master Bruce: What the hell?

ominous stranger: You and I have unfinished business!

Gunblade: Where'd that come from?

Sava: Hey, a midget!

ominous stranger: Face me, Master Bruce!

Master Bruce's face suddenly furled into a look of pure, unfiltered rage.

Master Bruce: You.

ominous stranger: Didn't expect to see me here, did you, Master Bruce? Well, I'm here, and today, I reclaim my honor!

Master Bruce: That is where you're wrong. Today, you die. Prepare to meet thy doom, Tom Cruise!

[Batman]

ominous stranger: MASTER BRUCE!

Master Bruce: What the hell?

ominous stranger: You and I have unfinished business!

Gunblade: Where'd that come from?

Sava: Hey, a midget!

ominous stranger: Face me, Master Bruce!

Master Bruce's face suddenly furled into a look of pure, unfiltered rage.

Master Bruce: You.

ominous stranger: Didn't expect to see me here, did you, Master Bruce? Well, I'm here, and today, I reclaim my honor!

Master Bruce: That is where you're wrong. Today, you die. Prepare to meet thy doom, Tom Cruise!

HELL YES! :mad::up:

Finally...after all this time,I get to try and beat the crap out of that...that...Katie theif! :mad: :confused:


God,I need a life. :o

[Flexo]

Brett Favre is my favorite player. :(

Long live the king.

[The Squirrel]

haha..the death of tom cruise..

excillent

[Batman]

At my hands,no less. :o

[bored]

Brett Favre is my favorite player. :(

Long live the king.


Sorry, it was just a bit of continuity from "Hype World". I really don't dislike Favre, or Drew Carey, for that matter, but I couldn't resist.

[Flexo]

Sorry, it was just a bit of continuity from "Hype World". I really don't dislike Favre, or Drew Carey, for that matter, but I couldn't resist.

Don't you think Packer fans have gone through enough this year? Have you no soul?!

[bored]

You think this is bad, just wait and see what I do the moment the Steelers start sucking.


----------------


Tom Cruise: You've insulted me for the last time, Master Bruce. Now, in the name of Xenu, I shall crush you!

CConn: He invoked Xenu. He's got to be kidding.

Master Bruce: He's a real Scientologist.

CConn: Guys, let's not get between them.

From no identifiable source, loud drums sounded. Fires were, for some reason, set around the area.

Tom Cruise: YAAAHHH!!!!

Cruise lept wildly from various objects. He seemed to be very excited.

Tom Cruise: Prozac is a scam!

Cruise landed in front of Master Bruce, and began rigorously punching his shins.

Master Bruce: Um? Ow?

Irritated, he pulled back a foot, and kicked Cruise, sending the miniscule actor into the Electronics section.

Master Bruce: Pathetic, as always. Come on, guys.

Tom Cruise: You are going nowhere!

His voice boomed from speakers throughout the store.

Lord Valumart: Oy, what's all this, then?

Tom Cruise: I won't go down that easily, Master Bruce.

Master Bruce: Heh, sure you won't ;).

Tom Cruise: What? What's that supposed to mean?

Master Bruce: Come on, we've all seen "Interview with the Vampire".

Tom Cruise: Hey! That was all acting! Brad Pitt and I are both secure in our masculinity!

Sava: Yeah, well, which one of you knocked up Angelina Jolie?

Tom Cruise: Him. But-

Cruise, his face flashing on all the big screen tv's, suddenly grinned.

CConn: Big mistake, Sava.

Tom Cruise: I did 'knock up' someone else.

Master Bruce: Watch it, Tommy.

Cruise: Let's not forget my fiance, Katie Holmes. Boy, Katie Holmes sure is attractive. Isn't it good that I'm engaged to her? And she's having my baby?

Master Bruce: You will choke on those words!

Master Bruce, in a frenzy, smashed every tv in sight.

Brett Favre: I'm not paying for those.

Tom Cruise: Destroy whatever you want, Master Bruce! You'll only tire yourself out!

Master Bruce: I've found you!

MB sprang upon Tom Cruise, who darted away.

Master Bruce: Everyone help me! Chase him into the frozen foods department!

Gunblade: No.

Phantasm: I think we should help.

Gunblade: Quiet, you!

Once again, the two started slapping each other.

Master Bruce, oblivious to this, chased after Cruise. Around the condiments section, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.

Master Bruce: What? Let go of me!

Katie Holmes: It's me, Brucey.

Master Bruce: K-Katie? What are you doing here? You're not safe here, with him!

Katie Holmes: I don't have a choice. Every time I go out in public, he's got to be around, otherwise the tabloids will suspect things.

Master Bruce: But they're true, Katie. You and Tom are a charade, meant to keep him from fading into obscurity.

Katie Holmes: If I could end this, I would, but you know I can't, and neither can you. If anything happens to Tom, they'll take me and the baby away forever.

Master Bruce: I won't let them!

Katie Holmes: You can't fight the Church of Scientology, Brucey. No one can. Other than Wal-Mart, that is. Oh, and Chuck Norris. But nobody else. Not even you. If they say their flagship celebrity has to be shacked up with a hot young starlet, that's how it is. And they certainly can't let the world know that it isn't his child. If that happened, the people might realize the truth.

Master Bruce: That he's never slept with a woman?

Katie Holmes: Worse. That he doesn't have a penis. So you see, I can't leave him. I'm sorry.

Master Bruce: That doesn't mean I can't crush him into an inch of his life.

Katie Holmes: That's true. In fact, that would work very well. Have fun. One day, when Tom isn't around, I'll tell Master Bruce Jr. all about this.

MB smiled, and walked away, ready to, instead of kill Tom Cruise, merely beat the holy hell out of him. Katie blew him a kiss.

Master Bruce: Okay, Cruise, let's end it! I have other things to do.

[Batman]

...


Dude.You f***ing rock.

[POWdER-man]

Tom Cruise has no penis.

That's AWESOME....:up:

[Batman]

And a fact.

[The Squirrel]

:up: great chapter.

[bored]

Tom Cruise was suddenly afraid. Something had happened to Master Bruce. He was grinning a devilish grin, and striding confidently. He wasn't enraged, just eager. Cruise tried not to show his worry.

Tom Cruise: You'll never catch me, Master Bruce!

Master Bruce: No, but he will.

Tom Cruise turned around, and felt Rigel7Soldiers hands clamp around his shoulders.

Rigel7Soldiers: Buy a newspaper, *****!

Tom Cruise: What?

Rigel7Soldiers: Oh, eh, nothing.

Powderman: You almost had a sale, there.... Rigel! What happened????

Rigel7Soldiers: Well, I didn't know if he'd actually buy a ne- OOMPH!

He had been head-butted by the tiny, yet powerful/thich noggin of Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise: Cruise-Missile, baby! YAH!

Cruise climbed up a shelf, screaming. He lept off of it, and onto another one.j

Tom Cruise: I'm in love! Yah!

Master Bruce: Oh that does it!

MB ran shoulder-first into the shelf Cruise had climbed.

Master Bruce: Ouch! I blame you for that, Cruise!:mad:

What he hadn't noticed was that his plan had worked, and Cruise had been rocked off the shelf. He plummeted to the floor. Master Bruce recovered and tried to stomp on Tom Cruise, who rolled out of the way.

Tom Cruise: Come get me!

Master Bruce: Can do, creep.

MB chased Cruise into the frozen foods section. Cruise, rounding a corner, thought he could lose his assailant, only to find that he wasn't alone there, either.

CConn: You're wasting everyone's time. We've got places to go, Cruise.

He grabbed the tiny actor, and shoved him into the freezer, next to the burger patties.

Master Bruce: Hey, what'd you do with him?

CConn pointed.

Master Bruce: Okay, it disappoints me that I can't pummel him, but that's still pretty funny.

Inside the case, Cruise's breath had fogged up the window. He moved a freezing arm, and drew a smiley face in the window with his finger.

CConn: Can we go now?

Master Bruce: *sigh* Yeah.

As the two walked towards the exit, MB gazed at one of the furniture aisles. She waved at him. He forced a smile, waved back, and then turned his eyes to the ground. It wasn't because of melancholy, actually. He was just really worried that he might step in gum.

Brett Favre: Okay, are we done here?

CConn: Yep.

Tom Cruise: Not so fast!

CConn: Oh, goddammit.

Master Bruce: Why couldn't you stay put!

MB charged, ready to run Cruise into the ground.

Tom Cruise: Mwahaha! I have my ways, Master Bruce.


Moments earlier....

Kirstie Alley: Burgersburgersburgersburgersburgers- Hey, it's Tom! What are you doing in there, my fellow Scientologist? Here, let me get you out of there.


Master Bruce: You'll never go away, will you?

Tom Cruise: I am Tom Cruise! I am unstoppable! I still have a career, despite being in "Vanilla Sky"!


Sava: There's got to be a way to stop him.

Sava noticed a bottle on a nearby shelf.

Sava: Got it. Hey, Favre, do something useful.


Tom Cruise: Live in anguish, Master Bruce! Katie is mine!

Master Bruce: Damn you.

Brett Favre: Bruce, catch!

Favre threw a bottle.

Master Bruce: Huh?

The bottle went in his direction. Cruise grabbed it.

Brett Favre: Awwww, not again:( .

Tom Cruise: You think you can help him, lowly football legend Brett Favre? Think again! Now, what is this?

He looked at the bottle, then, horrified, dropped it.

Tom Cruise: No! NOOOO!!!!! Get it away!

MB grabbed it. It read "Paxil". Master Bruce opened it, and dumped its contents over Cruise's head.

Tom Cruise: NO! IT BURNS US! IT FREEZES US!

Master Bruce: Let's get the hell out of here, guys!

Master Bruce and the others quickly made their way out of the Sam's Club, and back towards the lair of Drew Carey.



An hour later, still in the store....

Katie Holmes: Tom, are you okay? Oh my God.

Tom Cruise: I'll be okay, Katie. Wait, what was that you just said?

Katie Holmes: I asked if you were okay.

Tom Cruise: After that.

Katie Holmes: "Oh my God?"

Tom Cruise: I see. Not to self: crush Travolta.

[Batman]

bored,you fan-ficing skills rock beyond words.

Of course,that could be due to the Katie/MB thing...but,I still love it. :(

You genius,you. :up:

[The Squirrel]

That was a good chapter.

[bored]

The group hurried out of Sam's Club.

CConn: That should not have taken so long.

Master Bruce: Sorry. I think it was kind of my fault.

CConn: Oh, just a little.

Brett Favre: Heh, know what this reminds me of? One time, the Packers were stuck in the airport in Dallas after playing the Cowboys, and Ahman Green was really constipated, so we were all waiting for him while he was in the bathroom, and we almost missed our flight.

everyone else: ......

Lord Valumart: Alright then. Let's move on then, shall we? We've got to get all this food to Drew Carey. Guv'nah's gonna be right pissed if we're late.

Brett Favre: You've got no idea. Ever wonder what happened to Elvis Grbac? Oh, the stories I could tell.

CConn: Please don't.

Brett Favre: I AM trying to help you, you know.

CConn: You mean like you helped the Packers offense this year?

Phantasm: Oh, go easy on him, CConn. He really is trying to help.

Gunblade: Yeah.

Phanty and Gunny suddenly looked at each other. Both had confused looks on their faces.

Phantasm: Um... *****?

She half-heartedly smacked Gunblade.



An hour later, after moving the groceries in a high-octane bus highjacking that is entirely too confusing to be retold here, our heroes found themselves at Carey's lair, er, The Sizzler.

Wilhelm-Scream: Why is it that someone who lives in a resteraunt needs people to bring food for him?

Master Bruce: Well, he is a comedian, and people do find irony to be hilarious.

Wilhelm-Scream: I see.

Drew Carey: Have you what I asked for?

Brett Favre: Yes, mighty Drew.

Drew Carey: Hah-hah-hah, excellent.

Sava: We also got you some Altoids, because we know you like those.

Drew Carey: Really? Thank you, that's very considerate. Now, I shall complete my end of the bargain.

He lifted up his arm. Or, rather, he struggled to move his arm, making much noise as he did so, and finally called for a small, rat-like creature, possibly Diedrich Bader, to move it for him. After his arm was propped up, he pointed to the parking lot outside.

CConn: What's there?

Drew Carey: Huh? Oh, crap.

Someone pulled up in a VW Bus.

Master Bruce: Cooooool.

Drew Carey: It has recently been gassed up. Do with it as you please.

Powderman: You won't.... want it back?????

Drew Carey: That thing? Hell no! Do I look like a damn hippie to you?

CConn: Well, thanks alot, Drew Carey. Sorry your show sucked so bad in the last season. Let's go, guys.

The group went outside, and piled into the VW.

Master Bruce: Why are you coming, Brett?

Brett Favre: More time I spend away from Wisconsin during the off-season, the better.

Master Bruce: Gotcha.

Phantasm: I'm driving.

Gunblade: No, I'M driving!

CConn: Could someone throw them into the back? I'm driving.

Phanty and Gunny: Aw:( .

[DOG LIPS]

More DOG LIPS dammit! :mad:

:p:up:

[Flexo]

Brett Favre: More time I spend away from Wisconsin during the off-season, the better.

You monster. You just won't stop will you? :mad:

Other than that. :up:

[bored]

The VW Bus plodded along. Phantasm and Gunblade had tired themselves out slapping each other, and were sleeping soundly. To keep himself amused, Sava put them in compromising positions and took pictures.

Sava: Good times.

Rigel7Soldiers: So, how do we get to Hype World from here?

Brett Favre: They say that there is a portal that can transport you anywhere you wish somewhere in Dayton.

CConn: It just had to be another city in Ohio, didn't it?

Brett Favre: Fate be a cruel mistress.

Master Bruce: So how'd you find out about this place, Brett?

Brett Favre: During my biweekly poker game with Troy Aikman, John Elway, and Rich Gannon, somebody mentioned it. I think it was Kurt Warner. He's our waitress when he isn't playing. Which basically means always.

Powderman: Zing.

Brett Favre: How he found out about it, I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to find a way to go back in time to the year the Rams won the Super Bowl with him as QB.



Meanwhile, in a winery in California....

Dick Vermeil: Know what's funny? That Warner guy really sucked without us around.

Trent Green: Heh, totally. Will you please come out of retirement?

Dick Vermeil: No.



Brett Favre: I do enjoy being able to make fun of other NFL quarterbacks. It reminds me of when I was better than everyone else.

CConn: Sure.

Brett Favre: So how about that David Carr? Total suckage, huh?

Lord Valumart: Actually, Carr is considered a fairly talented QB, it's just that he has probably the worst offensive line protecting him, so he's sacked too much to make a real splash.

Everyone looked at LV.

Lord Valumart: Oh! Eh... I mean, "Oy, that David Carr is bollocks, eh?"

Master Bruce: Since when did any of us talk about football so much, anyway?

Everyone scratched their chins, wondering. Including CConn. The Bus veered off the road, and crashed into a tree.

Phantasm: *snore* Huh?! Ah! What the hell?!

She was thrown on top of Gunblade.

Gunblade: What the!? Dammit, Phantasm!

everyone else: Hawt.

The two started wrestling.

Brett Favre: You guys've got it good.

Sava: You've got no idea.

CConn: Is anyone hurt?

Master Bruce: Hey! Less concern for our safety, more watching the girls fighting!

CConn: I'll take that as a 'no'.

He hopped out of the bus, to assess the damage.

CConn: Where are we, anyway?

A river flowed nearby.

CConn: Definitely lost.

Somewhere in the distance, "Mr. Roboto" blasted from a radio.

CConn: Wait a minute, that's a river, and the band Styx is playing.

Yeah.

CConn: "Simpsons" already did it.

Too bad. I'm the author, I choose what happens.

CConn: *sigh* Dammit. Guess we're going to be traveling that river with the Styx playing, huh? Okay, guys, come on!

[Lord Valumart]

Lord Valumart: You sayin' I'm not English?
:mad:

[DBella]

bored, I am so glad you started on this. I was starting to miss your writing after Hype World. So far, it's looking great. :up:

[bored]

Brett Favre: Heave!

Lord Valumart, Sava, and Rigel7Soldiers shoved the VW closer to the water.

Brett Favre: Heave!

Wilhelm-Scream: They're not getting far.

Brett Favre: Hey, I'm trying my best. I think I have an idea. Gunny, Phanty, come over here!


A few minutes later:

Phanty and Gunny: *cheering* Go. Push. The Van! Go. Push. The Van!

The two waved pompoms in the air.

CConn: Admittedly, this worked out a lot better than I expected.

Brett Favre: Every good football player carries spare cheerleader uniforms with him for just such an occasion.

The VW Bus was finally pushed into the water. Floaters, which had been stowed in the back for no apparent reason, were attached, and the VW became a crappy, hippie boat.

Gunblade: Are we done?

Brett Favre: I suppose.

Gunblade: I could have tolerated being a cheerleader more if we didn't have to change in front of you guys.

Master Bruce: We had to make sure you didn't steal anything.

Gunblade: Like what?

Master Bruce: Our chances of seeing you naked, mostly.

Gunblade rolled her eyes, and went to change.

Phantasm: I thought it was a clever idea, Mr. Favre.

She pat his head, and climbed into the VW.

Brett Favre: Let's see Matt Hasselback do that.

Everyone piled back in, and Powderman shoved off from the edge of the river with a large stick. It was also in the back of the Bus.

Powderman: That Carey guy thinks ahead.

Somewhere, "Mr. Roboto" continued to play on infinite repeat. The VW Bus floated up the river.

Master Bruce: Do we even know if we're going the right direction?

CConn: Just go along with it.

[DOG LIPS]

Gunblade: I could have tolerated being a cheerleader more if we didn't have to change in front of you guys.

Master Bruce: We had to make sure you didn't steal anything.

Gunblade: Like what?

Master Bruce: Our chances of seeing you naked, mostly.

Gunblade rolled her eyes, and went to change.
*Drools* :o:up:

[bored]

The VW Bus/Boat floated down the river Styx (like Dennis DeYoung Styx, not river to hell, but you knew that). Brett Favre sat on the hood, staring at the stars. Master Bruce climbed out with him.

Master Bruce: Can't sleep?

Brett Favre: Nope. You?

Master Bruce: I am the night.

Brett Favre: What?

Master Bruce: Nothing. What are you thinking about?

Favre inched away from MB slowly.

Master Bruce: What? I was making conversation!

Brett Favre: Sure you were.

Master Bruce: I was!

Brett Favre: That's what Jeff Garcia said.

Master Bruce: So Terrell Owens wasn't just being a dick when he accused him of being gay?

Brett Favre: Oh, no, T.O. really is a dick. Garcia just liked to talk about 'feelings' a lot. I think it helped him get poon.

Master Bruce: You speak of him like he was dead.

Brett Favre: Career-wise, he is. And if I can say that, it must be true.

Master Bruce: So, are you gonna retire, or what?

Brett Favre: No. I've thought about it, and I don't want to go out on such a low note. I've got one last run at the play-offs in me. Or maybe that's just curry. I really need to stop eating Thai food.

Master Bruce: Riiight.

Brett Favre: Javon Walker left Green Bay for Denver. Never liked that guy.

Master Bruce: Who?

Brett Favre: He was always kind of a loud-mouth. Charles Woodson's gonna play for us, though.

Master Bruce: What are you talking about?

Brett Favre: Football.

Master Bruce: You play football?

Brett Favre: You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Master Bruce: Yes. Yes, I am. This whole story has basically been making fun of you.

Brett Favre: :(

Master Bruce: Yeah, pretty lame.

As the VW Dingy floated, the Styx music began to be drowned out by something else.

Brett Favre: Do you hear that? It sounds like "Lady Marmalade". That stupid version those slutty pop stars did for that movie a few years ago.

Master Bruce: Ew, it is. Don't listen to hard, or Christina Aguilera's voice will give you herpes.

Everyone inside the boat/bus stirred, and woke up.

Gunblade: What the hell is that?

Wilhelm-Scream: Is that Lil' Kim?

sluttly pop stars: Voulez-vouz-vouz-ches Avec-moi?

Wilhelm-Scream: No!

CConn: Are they supposed to be Sirens, or something?

Powderman: I think.... Mya's singing sounds like an ambulance siren.

Brett Favre: So, should we go over there, or something? See what the hell's going on?

CConn: Hell no! Let's just get this damn trip done with!

Brett Favre: Alright then. On we go.

slutty pop stars: Aw.

Pink: My husband rides motorbikes! Aren't I rad!

CConn grabbed a tomato that was mysteriously in the glove compartment, and chucked it at her.

[Batman]

Awesome comeback, bored. :up: You may truly be the last of a dying race. :(

[DBella]

Very nice update, bored. :up:
I especially enjoyed Pink's cameo. :o

[bored]

May my resuming work on this rescue the once glorious genre of Hype-related fics.


----------------------


The VW crashed into the rocks at 7 a.m. The only reason for this was that Sava had fallen asleep at the wheel, of course, but the VW bus/boat still crashed. CConn led the group out onto the large island that they had inexplicably found themselves on (they had been on a river, after all).

CConn: Well, if it's any consolation, I think we're out of Ohio.

Powderman: Boredom... lifting... Monotony.... breaking.... Yes.... we have escaped.

everyone: Hooray!

Rigel7Soldiers jumped for joy, while Gunblade enthusiastically *****-slapped Phantasm.

Master Bruce: Okay, now what?

CConn: How about you, me, and Sava explore a bit?



A few hours later....

CConn: This is really not what I had in mind when I suggested exploring, guys.

Sava: I wish I knew how to quit you, Master Bruce.

Cyclops: Halt! Who makes pop-cultural references there?

Sava: Cyclops, is that you?

Cyclops: Indeed, it is. Sava, is that you? And CConn? Master Bruce?

CConn: Are we back in Hype-World?

Cyclops: Oh my Mod, of course not.

CConn: So what are you doing here?

Cyclops: After I resigned my position as a Moderator, and lept out a window of the Modastery with my rocket boots*, I sought out a new life, and I've found it here, on this island placed haphazardly in a body of water that most were previously led to assume was a normal-sized river. I live a happy, solitary life on La Isla del Cyclops, which you, by stumbling upon it, have interrupted.

Master Bruce: Oh, um... Sorry.

Cyclops: You are? Well, I'll accept that. I forgive you Master Bruce. Sava and CConn, however, must come with me, so that they can be punished.

The trees around them quivered, and vines wrapped themselves around Sava and CConn. Within moments, they'd been hoisted into the upper levels of foliage.

Master Bruce: Oh, snap.

Cyclops: Huh? That's never happened before. And I was so excited to use this.

He produced a make-shift lightsaber from his belt.

Master Bruce: Wow, that looks really good.

Cyclops: Thanks. I spent a whole weekend making it. The blade is aquamarine.

Master Bruce: Classic.

Cyclops: I thought so.

Master Bruce: So, am I done here?

Cyclops: Oh, yes. Have a nice day. I'll just be off, slowly torturing Sava and CConn to within inches of their lives for trespassing on my home until the sweet embrace of death finally overtakes them both. Bye.

Master Bruce: Bye.

Master Bruce smiled, and turned to leave. Halfway back to the VW, he paused.

Master Bruce: Heyyyy, waitaminute!


------------------

*this happened in "Hype-World: An Epic"

[POWdER-man]

ha, good stuff bored...

I am starting to sound like William Shatner....or the kid from Malcolm in the Middle.

[bored]

So, I'd been writing "Spammers in Space", and I remembered that I still had to finish this. If that'll happen or not, I don't know, but here's a new installment!

-----------


Master Bruce whistled as he returned to the Volkswagon.

Phantasm: So, what happened?

Brett Favre: Was there anything interesting?

Master Bruce: Oh, yeah, Cyclops was there. He had a home-made lightsaber.

Phantasm: Cool!

Powderman: Where are... CConn and Sava?

Master Bruce: What? Oh, ****, that's right, they got taken away by vines. Cyclops wasn't sure what was up, so I thought it best just to leave.

Brett Favre: Vines?

Master Bruce: Yeah. Creepy, huh.

Rigel7Soldiers: Did they want to buy newspapers?

Gunblade: Should we, perhaps, rescue them?

Master Bruce: But I just walked all the way back here:csad: .

Powderman: What say you... Wilhelm-Scream?

Wilhelm-Scream: I honestly don't care.

Powderman: 'Kay.

Gunblade: Well, I'm going to go find them.



Meanwhile, in Cyclops's lair....

Cyclops: So I just realized something?

CConn: Yeah?

Cyclops: You're not the first ones those vines have caught.

He pointed to several skeletons on the wall.

Sava: Nice. Can I loot them?

Cyclops: Go for it.



Master Bruce: Okay, follow me, guys.

Brett Favre: Hold on, I should get something.

Number 4 went back into the VW, and came back with a satchel.

Wilhelm-Scream: Where'd that come from?

Brett Favre: I've had it on me most of the time.

Phantasm: Didn't you notice?

Wilhelm-Scream: No.

Phantasm: Oh well. That's okay, Wilhelm.

She patted his head.

Wilhelm-Scream: Please don't do that.

Powderman: So... what's in the... bag, Brett?

Favre reached in, and pulled out a golden football.

Brett Favre: It gives me strength in times of great need.

Master Bruce: You don't consider away games against the Bears great need?

Brett Favre: **** off. I was given this by the Elders of the Gridiron, many years ago.



Many years ago....

Several men stood in brown robes, in a room completely lit by candles. Manly candles, though. The kind that Shaolin monks use. None of this sissy Bed, Bath, and Beyond scented crap.

Johnny Unitas: Are you prepared for judgement, Brett?

Brett Favre: I am.

Johnny Unitas: Then hear the words of the Elders. What say you, Archie Manning?

Archie Manning: He is approved, at least until my boys start playing.

Gale Sayers: I also approve. The ghost of Brian Piccolo says you are worthy.

Dick Butkus: For not laughing at my name, I approve of you.

Mike Ditka: May you forever shine, Young Gungslinger.

Jan Stenerud: I'm a kicker!

Jim Brown: Take this Golden Football, Favre, and may it forever protect you. And try not to throw too many interceptions. It never looks good.



Brett Favre: Okay, let's roll.

He looked, and realized that the others had already started off to rescue CConn and Sava.

Brett Favre: Crap.

[hippie_hunter]

Can I have a part with me working on my Escape to New York remake and winning the Academy Award :up:

[POWdER-man]

Nice bored..:up: Good to see I am still remembered around here...