What are some of your favorite Spidey wisecracks?

[Chris Wallace]

Comics only; be it Ultimate, continuity or even Marvel Age?
And please give issue # (if you remember), and/or scenario & who he said it to, in reply to what, things of that sort, so we know why it was so funny.

[Marcdachamp]

"The reason Jonah hates me... is because I'm black".:up:

God, Dan Slott deserved a freaking medal for that line.

[Chris Wallace]

You know, I was just thinking about that one earlier today. But for those who don't know, (since Marcdachamp neglected to include it) it was from the most recent She-Hulk run (before the current; so it should be volume 3. I forget what issue) in which She-Hulk's firm was helping Spidey sue JJJ for defamation.

[WOLVERINE25TH]

Ultimate Spidey vs. Kingpin issue, chock full of them. However, I'm not goin' into my basement to dig it out of its box.

[Chris Wallace]

Well, since you're being lazy (:D), how about when they were eating pizza & Kingpin asked Spidey why people hate him:
"Oh, I know-it's because I run a criminal empire while pretending to be something I'm not. Oh, wait. That's you."
Or...
Spidey: "This was fun. We should glare at each other menacingly more often."
KP: "Young man, did you web my feet to the floor?"
Spidey:"Maybe."
KP: "What possible satisfaction can you get from that?"
Spidey: "See, you don't understand me & I don't understand you."

[Hoban]

I didn't read it in a book, but I read it in someone's sig, it's from Run Aways I think, and it went something like this:

"Oh my god, it's you, it's--"

"Yes... I'm Batman."

[MaskedManJRK]

*sneaking into a building where the villian is*

"Hi, I'm here to deliver a singing strip-o-gram, so come out and play, this thong's killing me!"

:D

[Demogoblin]

*JJJ starts to walk into an elevator and Spidey jumps out*
Spidey: "Excuse me, I'm looking for the fourth floor."
JJJ: (screaming) "Spider-Man! Why I'll.....!"
Spidey: "No thanks, I'll find it myself."

[spider greg]

Read my sig.

[WOLVERINE25TH]

I know this don't totally fit into th' thread, but it just popped in my head and it's too funny to pass up:

Spider-Man: My Spider-Sense is tingling!
Counter-Earth Green Goblin: Your what is what what?

Spider-Man Unlimited

[Chris Wallace]

There's a separate thread for cartoon lines.

[MaskedManJRK]

There's a separate thread for cartoon lines.

Unlimited actually started out as a comic, and there's a new title among the same lines out now.

[Arcturus]

I love that scene in Ultimate Spider-Man where Spidey and Kingpin face off, and Spidey tells him these fat jokes. Spidey just keeps going on and Kingpin loses it.

"You are so fat that when you cut yourself shaving, marshmellow fluff comes out"

"You are so fat that your highschool yearbook was taken from a helicopter"

"You're so fat that when you get on a scale it says: One at a time"

"Your belly button makes an echo"

"If you were a truck you would have a wide load sign"

"When you back up we can hear a beeping sound"

:D

[WOLVERINE25TH]

See, those're th' lines I was thinkin' of yesterday.

[Chris Wallace]

Unlimited actually started out as a comic, and there's a new title among the same lines out now.
No, no, no-the "Unlimited" series was spun off the cartoon. The new "Unlimited" has nothing to do with that show.:spidey:

[WOLVERINE25TH]

Spider-Man Unlimited vol. 1 was a comic that came out every couple months with 64+ pages.

Spider-Man Unlimited became a cartoon and a poor follow-up to th' 90s series. Vol. 2 of th' comic was based on th' show.

Vol. 3 is what we got now; similar idea to th' original format, but only 22 pages.

[Chris Wallace]

What he said.

[SpideyInATree]

I didn't read it in a book, but I read it in someone's sig, it's from Run Aways I think, and it went something like this:

"Oh my god, it's you, it's--"

"Yes... I'm Batman."

That would be my signature. And it's from Runaways # 11 during the Runaways/New Avengers crossover.

And it is also my favorite Spidey one liner. It's a hell of a lot more funny actually reading the issue but it has it's charm without the colorful pictures.

[Traveller]

Spider-Man/ Human Torch #3

"For the record, I would just like to point out... that the orangutan can parallel-park."

It was hilarious. I laughted so hard. :D :up:

Another one from the Marvel Team-Up #7

"Two hours ago-- if you asked me to make a list of what I'd be doing right now-- the absolute last thing I'd come up with would be fighting cosmic ringmaster."

:D It's hilarious, too. :) I laughted for hours on this.

[Red X]

Issue 18

[Spider-Man is wriggling in Doc Ock's grip]
Spider-Man: No, I'm with the haircut police. There's a fifty-dollar-fine for bowlcuts in this city.

Doctor Octopus: I like my hair.

Issue 20

Spider-Man: [to Dr. Octopus] I still kinda feel bad for you and your silly arms incident... so I'm all like: maybe he just needs a hug?

Spider-Man: [to Dr. Octopus] You could rent yourself as a children's ride, you don't have to be all... [Dr. Octopus knocks him into a truck] Piooff!

[Dangerous]

Paul Jenkins was great, think Il go pick some of my fav lines out of his trades.

[ben_reilly_s_s]

It's not really a wise-crack, but the first time pete "swings" on a webline in Ultimate.
He webs a helicopter for a quick ride:

Spidey: Humina, humina, humina

[MyPokerShirt]

Spider-Man/ Human Torch #3

"For the record, I would just like to point out... that the orangutan can parallel-park."

It was hilarious. I laughted so hard. :D :up:

Another one from the Marvel Team-Up #7

"Two hours ago-- if you asked me to make a list of what I'd be doing right now-- the absolute last thing I'd come up with would be fighting cosmic ringmaster."

:D It's hilarious, too. :) I laughted for hours on this.

Guess you had to be there, right? lol. Why don't you explain the situation the first line arose in. Is he pointing out that anyone can parallel park? (cos pete crashed his spider-mobile into the river once... so cannot drive) or was it mocking someone inparticular?

[Spiderluke]

Guess you had to be there, right? lol. Why don't you explain the situation the first line arose in. Is he pointing out that anyone can parallel park? (cos pete crashed his spider-mobile into the river once... so cannot drive) or was it mocking someone inparticular?

In New Avengers #5? where he says he doesn't wear underwear because he chafes. And Ultimate #10? when he fights the Kingpin and says that Carson Daily sends him.

[Chris Wallace]

The follow-up to that Carson Daley line was better.
"I don't know who that is."
"You know why? Because he doesn't make a line of pre-packaged baked goods!"

[Spiderluke]

The follow-up to that Carson Daley line was better.
"I don't know who that is."
"You know why? Because he doesn't make a line of pre-packaged baked goods!"

That was it! I couldn't remember the next line.

[Chris Wallace]

I'm always willing to help out a fellow fan who's too lazy to dig through his comic collection. :)

[Electro UK]

Yeah that bit was hilarious, to top that scene off though

Electro: Anything else boss?

Kingpin: Yes, find out who this Carson Daley person is and kill him.

[Chris Wallace]

Which I'm still waiting for them to do. :D

[Spiderluke]

I'm always willing to help out a fellow fan who's too lazy to dig through his comic collection. :)

:up: Thanks.

It would be great if they referenced it in a later issue. Like a news story in the background or something.

[Webz14]

Spidey said this a couple of times:
"Well wiggle my webs and call me shakey!"

*Ultimate Spidey vol. 12
Wolverine: I have an image!
Spidey: No, you have an aroma!

*gun fires at him
"Hoooollllllly Crud!!!!"

[Spiderluke]

Spidey said this a couple of times:
"Well wiggle my webs and call me shakey!"

*Ultimate Spidey vol. 12
Wolverine: I have an image!
Spidey: No, you have an aroma!

*gun fires at him
"Hoooollllllly Crud!!!!"
That entire storyline was funny.

[Webz14]

That entire storyline was funny.

I know. I laughed like crazy through that story. I think that was one of the most pointless, yet entertaining things I have ever read.

[terry78]

I seriously hope they get a few ones like that into the movie. He should be pretty carefree now. I honestly think part of Human Torch's persona in the FF movie was somewhat in line with how Spidey should be on occasion. The "where are your ears?" line along with calling Ben "Pebbles".

[Trask]

Cap America: Spider-man. What are you doing here?

Spider-Man: Good food. Great Ambience. Pity about the service.

Spider-Man: Okay so... me first: you have any idea who's behind all these people going nutso?

Cap America: No, we don't. What's your involvement? And I want the Truth, please.

*Spiderman Salutes Cap America*
Spider-Man: Sir, Yes Sir! Truth is, I keep hearing this awful screeching in my brain, sir! It wouldn't leave of its own accord so I followed it here to the source!

Spider-Man: An' as long as we're telling the truth, sir, I'm very envious of your snazzy costume...

[MyPokerShirt]

Code: Blue - NYPD show up after a battle between the lizard, iron fist, spider-man and luke cage in which the lizard appears dead by the end.

Code Blue: Freeze! We have a warrant for the arrest of Mac Gargan - also known as the Scorpion!

Spider-Man: Guys, didya have ta come so early? We barely had time to sell the book rights, make the TV movie, BURY the poor guy, hold a memorial, make the action figure, do the cartoon, cancel the cartoon, syndicate th...

He just keeps going. And in fact he makes fun of them through the entire issue. I think the writer had a problem with the blue squad! aaaaand its ben reilly, not peter in the costume :)

[ben_reilly_s_s]

Ben Reilly:
"Gaunt? That shrivelled little maniac?"

[ShadowBoxing]

Spider-Man: My name is Peter Parker, and I've been Spider-Man since I was fifteen years old.

It's the funniest joke yet :(

[Chris Wallace]

Spidey said this a couple of times:
"Well wiggle my webs and call me shakey!"

*Ultimate Spidey vol. 12
Wolverine: I have an image!
Spidey: No, you have an aroma!

*gun fires at him
"Hoooollllllly Crud!!!!"
Was that the same story arc where he kept nagging Black Widow for his 80 bucks?

[Webz14]

Was that the same story arc where he kept nagging Black Widow for his 80 bucks?

No, that was in ultimate x-men when spidey and wolvie teamed up.

[Webz14]

*double post

"Who gives a hairy bongo?!" Amazing Spider-Man #182

[Chris Wallace]

No, that was in ultimate x-men when spidey and wolvie teamed up.
Oh.