What are some of your favorite Joker lines?

[Chris Wallace]

Comics only-any comics. Please include pertinant information, like the issue, the situation in which he said it, so we know why it was so funny.

[TheFalcon]

I loved the Hush moment were Batman is beating the ***** out of Joker who manages to speak a few words: "stop......................stop...............stop. ..................stop me if you've heard this one before!" :joker:

[Chris Wallace]

1st one to respond to my thread & you come up with gold.

[titan101]

read my sig:) .

[rnewbz]

"I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that . . . Something like that happened to me, you know. I . . . I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another . . . If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha!"

"There was once this guy, see, and he was having a really bad day. He'd quit his job at the chemical factory, where he'd been a lab assistant, to go and be a stand-up comedian. Only, only on his first night on stage, he blew it. He got real nervous, see, and screwed up the punch lines. The audience jeered him right off the stage. So now the kid's broke, and stuck in a crummy little apartment in a bad neighborhood, and him with a wife and a baby on the way. "

And the punchline is, they do get caught. But not by the police...

"All it takes is ONE bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy."

"That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day."

"Madness is the emergency exit."

All from the killing joke, which shed new light on the joker and made him more than just a clown, and more like a sad tradgedy.

[trustyside-kick]

Aw, I will have to get back to you on a comic line because at first I was going to put a line from one of the animated movies...

[titan101]

i just remembered another favorite:

"you dirty rat!you killed my brother!my sister!my daughter!she's my daughter AND my sister!":joker:

[trustyside-kick]

i just remembered another favorite:

"you dirty rat!you killed my brother!my sister!my daughter!she's my daughter AND my sister!":joker:

Haha I remember that line just forget where it was from. :up:

[titan101]

Haha I remember that line just forget where it was from. :up:batman:dark victory

[trustyside-kick]

Oh ya. I remember it was something I re-read recently but could not narrow down which one.

[Herr Logan]

Haha I remember that line just forget where it was from. :up:

Either 'The Long Halloween' or 'Dark Victory.'


From the the Animated Series episode 'Joker's Millions':

"Well drown the kids and shoot the neighbors! We've got a winner!"


From the smiling fish story--

Patent Office Burocrat: "Good Lord!"

Joker (in mock fear): "Where? Oh, it was just an expression."


:wolverine

[trustyside-kick]

From the the Animated Series episode 'Joker's Millions':

"Well drown the kids and shoot the neighbors! We've got a winner!"


From the smiling fish story--

Patent Office Burocrat: "Good Lord!"

Joker (in mock fear): "Where? Oh, it was just an expression."


:wolverine

There is a thread for favorite Joker lines from animated series I believe in Bat-World. I assume this thread is comic lines of the Joker since it is in The Comics section.

[Herr Logan]

There is a thread for favorite Joker lines from animated series I believe in Bat-World. I assume this thread is comic lines of the Joker since it is in The Comics section.

To hell with the lot of you! :mad:

:wolverine

[The Question]

*after hijacking a TV station* "Good evening folks, I'm The Joker. Living proof that you don't have to be crazy to host this show, but it helps. Ha ha!"

"I'm thinking of killing everyone whose name is a pallindrome."

"Yeah yeah, you're hungry, I'm hungry. Do me a favour and eat each other."

"Doing? Why, you're doing what any sane man would be doing in your dreadful circumstances. You're going mad."

[trustyside-kick]

To hell with the lot of you! :mad:

:wolverine

Lol just letting you be aware.

[Katsuro]

JOKER: I dont' know what you're so mad at me for! I'm trying to stop Holiday just like you are!

BATMAN: By killing everyone in Gotham Square?

JOKER: Why not? You dont know who Holiday is. I dont know who Holiday is. But, the odds are he or she might be in the crowd tonight and--

BATMAN: You're insane.

JOKER: Has it really taken you this long to notice?

[trustyside-kick]

JOKER: I dont' know what you're so mad at me for! I'm trying to stop Holiday just like you are!

BATMAN: By killing everyone in Gotham Square?

JOKER: Why not? You dont know who Holiday is. I dont know who Holiday is. But, the odds are he or she might be in the crowd tonight and--

BATMAN: You're insane.

JOKER: Has it really taken you this long to notice?

Love TLH. :up:

[trustyside-kick]

Joker: Have you been playing "Pat-A-Cake" with the new D.A., Harv?

[titan101]

"THIS mother's day,show her you REALLY care!"

[Nightwing]

From Grant Morrison's next Batman arc, Batman and Son.

"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a busload of vunerable disabled kids!"

[Joker]

The cover of the killing joke..."Smile!"...it's just so twisted when taken in context of what part of the story the cover was taken from

[Chris Wallace]

Good One.

[boywondernerdDC]

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/8727/jokercampaign7wj.jpg

[ChrisBaleBatman]

lmfao......that's just funny.

Vote for me....--or I'll Kill you.

I wonder who's his campaign manager. lol.

[ChrisBaleBatman]

"Ah, the new boy. Ears are too long and I miss the cape. But not too shabby. Not too shabby at all."

[ChrisBaleBatman]

This is probably my favorite Joker quote ever. Had my skin crawl.

"What's the matter Batman? No witty comeback? No idle threats? Very well, I'll provide narration. (starts playing film of torturing Robin) Robin put up a good fight. You would have been soooo proud of him. But all too soon the serums and the shocks took their toll, and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know...... Bruce. It's true batsy, I know everything. And kind of like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents I must admit it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic...................Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

[theMan-Bat]

My favorite Joker lines? There's so many:

"I won't even waste the usual "Joker" venum on you, but give you something you can understand! Lead!"
"The Joker" Batman #1 (1940)

"To the victor belongs the spoils!"

"Hand over the jewel case, my pretty! Or must I kill you first?"
"Joker meets Cat-Woman" Batman #2 (1940)

"Each one of these objects has been part of a major crime! Your fingerprints are now on them! I could hand you over to the police..They could accuse you of being involved in those crimes! Now
if you work for me, you will make money-Refuse and it means jail. Which is it? Money or jail? Perhaps death?"
"Wanted: Practical Jokers!" Batman #7 (1941)

"Me employing the divine gift men call madness!"

"Without the game that the Batman and I have played for so many years, winning is nothing! He shall live!"
"Joker's Five-Way Revenge!" Batman #253 (1973)

"They call me the Joker...But remember, in the game of life the Joker is wild."
"Stacked Cards" Power Records PR-27 (1975)

"The fish share my unique face! If colonel what's-his-name can have chicken's when they don't even have mustaches--and you deny this to me! You see why I am forced to crime!"

"Heed my words, fat man! I know you bid for the Batman's identity! I don't want that secret penetrated--ever!--since it would take away my fun--The thrill of the joust with my perfect opponent! The Joker must have the Batman! Nay, the Joker deserves the Batman! What fun would there be in humbling the mere policemen?"
"The Laughing Fish!" Detective #476 (1978)

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children. Don't like it? I'm crazy for it."

"As I look at it I'm making a killing...And anyway, money isn't really a problem. Not these days."

"You see, she thinks she's a coffee table edition.."

"Remember? Ohh, I wouldn't do that! Remembering's dangerous. I find the past such a worrying anxious place. Memory's so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all the sentimental candyfloss...The next it leads you someplace you don't want to go.."

"Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children."

"Music, Sam...
When the world is full of care and every headline screams despire, when all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile..
Then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass on to you, that's always guaranteed to make me smile...
I go LOO-OO-OONY...
As a light-bulb battered bug,
simply LOO-OO-OONY,
sometimes foam and chew the rug...
Mister, life is swell in a padded cell,
it'll chase those blues away...
You can trade your gloom for a rubber room,
and injections twice a day!
Just go LOO-OO-OONY, like an acid casualty,
or a moo-oo-nie,
or a preacher on T.V."

"Don't get even, get mad!"
Killing Joke (1988)

"Loosen up, tight ass!"

"How is the Boy Wonder? Started shaving yet?"

"Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? Not with rods and wheels and clocks surely?"

"Two-Face has pissed himself again!"

"Card games. You know me, I just adore card games! Well, I see two angels screwing in the stratosphere, a constellation of black holes, a biological process beyond the conception of man, a jewish ventriloquist act locked in the trunk of a red chevrolet.
What about you, Batman? What do you see? Not even a cute little long-legged boy in swimming trunks?"

"Oh, don't be so predictable, that is his real face! And I want to go much deeper then that. I want him to know what it's like to have sticky fingers pick threw the dirty corners of his mind."

"This guy goes into the Hospital...His wife just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the Doctor and he says, "Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?" And the Doctor smiles and says, "There fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy." So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. "Doc?" He says and turn's around and the Doctor and the nurses wave their arms and sceam in his face, "April fools! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!"
Arkham Asylum (1989)

[Spectre722]

from outsiders

(to lex luthor): "I don't mean to toot my own horn but...

TOOT, ****ING, TOOT BUBBALA!"

[trustyside-kick]

My favorite Joker lines? There's so many:

"I won't even waste the usual "Joker" venum on you, but give you something you can understand! Lead!"
"The Joker" Batman #1 (1940)

"To the victor belongs the spoils!"

"Hand over the jewel case, by pretty! Or must I kill you first?"
"Joker meets Cat-Woman" Batman #2 (1940)

"Each one of these objects has been part of a major crime! Your fingerprints are now on them! I could hand you over to the police..They could accuse you of being involved in those crimes! Now
if you work for me, you will make money-Refuse and it means jail. Which is it? Money or jail? Perhaps death?"
"Wanted: Practical Jokers!" Batman #7 (1941)

"Me employing the divine gift men call madness!"

"Without the game that the Batman and I have played for so many years, winning is nothing! He shall live!"
"Joker's Five-Way Revenge!" Batman #253 (1973)

"They call me the Joker...But remember, in the game of life the Joker is wild."
"Stacked Cards" Power Records PR-27 (1975)

"The fish share my unique face! If colonel what's-his-name can have chicken's when they don't even have mustaches--and you deny this to me! You see why I am forced to crime!"

"Heed my words, fat man! I know you bid for the Batman's identity! I don't want that secret penetrated--ever!--since it would take away my fun--The thrill of the joust with my perfect opponent! The Joker must have the Batman! Nay, the Joker deserves the Batman! What fun would there be in humbling the mere policemen?"
"The Laughing Fish!" Detective #476 (1978)

"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet. The rides are dilapidated to the point of being lethal, and could easily maim or kill innocent little children. Don't like it? I'm crazy for it."

"As I look at it I'm making a killing...And anyway, money isn't really a problem. Not these days."

"You see, she thinks she's a coffee table edition.."

"Remember? Ohh, I wouldn't do that! Remembering's dangerous. I find the past such a worrying anxious place. Memory's so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all the sentimental candyfloss...The next it leads you someplace you don't want to go.."

"Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children."

"Music, Sam...
When the world is full of care and every headline screams despire, when all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile..
Then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass on to you, that's always guaranteed to make me smile...
I go LOO-OO-OONY...
As a light-bulb battered bug,
simply LOO-OO-OONY,
sometimes foam and chew the rug...
Mister, life is swell in a padded cell,
it'll chase those blues away...
You can trade your gloom for a rubber room,
and injections twice a day!
Just go LOO-OO-OONY, like an acid casualty,
or a moo-oo-nie,
or a preacher on T.V."

"Don't get even, get mad!"
Killing Joke (1988)

"Loosen up, tight ass!"

"How is the Boy Wonder? Started shaving yet?"

"Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? Not with rods and wheels and clocks surely?"

"Two-Face has pissed himself again!"

"Card games. You know me, I just adore card games! Well, I see two angels screwing in the stratosphere, a constellation of black holes, a biological process beyond the conception of man, a jewish ventriloquist act locked in the trunk of a red chevrolet.
What about you, Batman? What do you see? Not even a cute little long-legged boy in swimming trunks?"

"Oh, don't be so predictable, that is his real face! And I want to go much deeper then that. I want him to know what it's like to have sticky fingers pick threw the dirty corners of his mind."

"This guy goes into the Hospital...His wife just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the Doctor and he says, "Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?" And the Doctor smiles and says, "There fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy." So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. "Doc?" He says and turn's around and the Doctor and the nurses wave their arms and sceam in his face, "April fools! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!"
Arkham Asylum (1989)


Someone did their homework. :up:

When I was quoting Joker from Dark Victory I was going to do the whole chat thing incase some people did not understand it but I felt would be too long.

[MaskedManJRK]

from outsiders

(to lex luthor): "I don't mean to toot my own horn but...

TOOT, ****ING, TOOT BUBBALA!"

Now I'm suddenly very happy; but I don't know why. :) :confused:

[Ibn]

".............. No, it's too late for me."

[Chris Wallace]

This is probably my favorite Joker quote ever. Had my skin crawl.

"What's the matter Batman? No witty comeback? No idle threats? Very well, I'll provide narration. (starts playing film of torturing Robin) Robin put up a good fight. You would have been soooo proud of him. But all too soon the serums and the shocks took their toll, and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me. Secrets that are mine alone to know...... Bruce. It's true batsy, I know everything. And kind of like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents I must admit it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and batarangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy. It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic...................Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Didn't read the opening post, I see.

[titan101]

"batman???BATMAN?!!!can SOMEBODEY tell me what kind of a world we live in where someone dressed as a BAT gets all of my press?!THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[ChrisBaleBatman]

Yeah, the enema line never gets old.

I thought his line "Where does he get those toys?" is classic too.

[Ibn]

Didn't read the opening post, I see.

Man, I really wish Black Panther was a part of DC. He would fit so damn well into the bat universe.

[titan101]

Man, I really wish Black Panther was a part of DC. He would fit so damn well into the bat universe.um...your point being?

[Chris Wallace]

He Brought It Up Because Of
<--------.

[ChrisBaleBatman]

You saay Joker, he say Black Panter. Tomatoes and Oranges.

[Ibn]

um...your point being?

Um... OK, I'll spell it out for ya. Chris Wallace has a picture of Black Panther in his avatar. He looks alot like Batman. Being that he looks alot like Batman, I think he'd fit in well w/ the Batman universe. Understand now?

[The Fonz]

The Joker's boner is the best!
http://www.comicbookgirl.com/posts/boner.gif

[trustyside-kick]

Yea, boner actually means something else. Like a mistake or an error I believe.

[MaskedManJRK]

Yea, boner actually means something else. Like a mistake or an error I believe.

We know, but that doesn't stop it from being funny! :D

[theMan-Bat]

Hilarious.

[batmaluco]

Funniest. Lines. Ever.

[titan101]

these lines are awesome:
"AHH!here they are NOW!my goodness,that's SOME ghost train...when they went IN,the chap in the middle didn't look a DAY over seventeen,and his three little PALS were professional BASKET BALL PLAYERS!look at him now..that's what a dose of reality can do you...never touch the stuff myself.find it gets in the way of the HALLUCINATIONS..."

"nice weather for FISH,isn't it?"

robin:you're out of your MIND,joker!
joker:GLORIOUSLY so!Isn't it WONDERFUL?

[trustyside-kick]

Joker: What did you just do?
Batman: Destroyed the viaduct.
Joker: But--you just cut off all water to the city...you've crippled them for weeks.
Batman: Better crippled than dead.
Joker: Boy, you--you're really a piece of work. Do you know how much planning went into this night? I mean, a lot of people died so I could be here...
Batman: I know.

[Qoèlet]

From No-Man's Land:
Joker: ...It's okay. You won't feel a thing, I promise. You'll thank uncy Joker. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Most of the time
Life is the biggest joke of all. You're just gonna get the punchline.... sooner.

Essen: Freeze. GCPD. You're under arrest, Joker. Put the baby down. Gently. Now.

Joker: Oh! It's the police! Hmmm... I'd like to report a crime.
...She tried to shoot me.... and I dropped the baby.

Essen: Stop, I mean it--

Joker: No. I mean she rushed me.... and I dropped the baby.
...or maybe... I just....
(Joker drops the baby, Essen dives and catches it, dropping her gun)
Joker: Merry Christmas.
*BLAMM*
(Joker walks out into the street, met by Gordon and Batman as Bullock and Montoya rush into the building)
Joker: I surrender.

Bullock: Commish... Jim... I'm... I'm so sorry
Montoya: She's dead.

Gordon: ANIMAL! (strikes Joker, then points his gun at him.)

Joker: Commissioner! You'll be hearing from my attorney.
Batman: Jim...
Gordon: He's gone too far. He paralyzed my daughter. My little girl... He just murdered my bride, Sarah...
...Too Much... too far...

Batman: We've all gone too far. Look at them. Look at us. They can't take any more. It's time to bring out people back, Jim.
I won't stop you.

Joker: You have a little boy too, don't you?
*BLAMM*
Joker: AAAHHHH! Hey, hey! You just gonna let him do that to me? He shot my knee! I may never...... oh...
...Like your daughter! I get it! Good one, Commissioner!
(I thought it was worth keeping it intact. The last bit's my favourite.)

[trustyside-kick]

One by one
They'll hear my call,
Then this wicked town
Will follow my fall.

[Tally Man]

They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dancers routine -- and it would never be enough. No I don't keep count. But you do. And I love you for it.

[Nightwing]

"If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be a multiple choice."

[Black Panther]

"If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be a multiple choice."

Awesome. :up:

From The Killing Joke, correct Bats?

[Nightwing]

Awesome. :up:

From The Killing Joke, correct Bats?

Yes.