X-men 4: Dawn of Reckoning

[The Ones]

Ive decided to write my version of X-men 4. Tell me what to improve on and above all if you like it or not. Be honest but please give constructive critizism:

Part 1:

Opening Logo’s

The screen is filled with darkness. Then in the centre of the screen a white light appears, as it grows brighter, a strange voice is heard, like pro X but deeper

“Tragedy. It is an element of life. One we must all learn to face. It is only natural for us to bury it into the past, kept as secrets and forgotten only to be uncovered. But some secrets were never meant to be found…”

The music kick’s in with the X-men theme tune as we are rocketed into the light, blue wisps form on the screen creating DNA strands more of these strands are created as the background is now filled with red smoke. The blue DNA begins to be filled with a transparent liquid we are sent into the blue liquid as the words:

X-MEN 4: DAWN OF RECKONING

Are embossed from the rushing liquid, the words atomise as the liquid turns black and we are rocketed out. 2 doors slam in front of the titles forming a metal circle with a blue light in the middle. The camera pan’s into the blue light as the centre of the door turns around

Int. Setting: School Gym

We are in a Gym, clearly redecorated into a disco as teenager’s all in formal wear are dancing like there’s no tomorrow. The camera pan’s down to reveal a 15 year old kid. He has jet black hair and hazel brown eyes. He is lounging against the wall on the far side, alone. He is clearly focused on something in the crowd. We get the view of this lonely child and we find out he is focussed on a girl. She has light brown hair and dark blue eyes, dressed in a white dress clearly made of a light fabric. He starts to set of into a daydream when someone call’s to him

Teen:
Hey Scott.


Scott is broken out of his fantasy and turns to see his mate

Scott:
Hi Greg

Greg:
What’s a charming young man like you doing all on his own

Scott:
If you want to dance just ask

Greg:
Hey, you may be handsome but I have better tastes, girls for instance

Scott and Greg laugh in unison, both dismissing the previous comments as a joke

Scott:
Nah,


Scott becomes mesmerised by the same girl again, Greg looks in Scott’s eye view and sighs

Greg
Look, we all know you love Olivia, just ask her for a dance. You got nothing to loose.

Scott:
If it’s that simple you ask her

Greg:
Fine, your loss mate


Scott's eyeline follows Greg walking up to Olivia and immediately begins to regret it. He starts walking toward a door. He walks into it and is in the men’s bathroom.

Int. Men’s room

Scott runs the tap and cups his hand under the water, he puts his hands to his face submerging his face in water, he looks at the mirror as the water slowly drips of. The door bursts open and breaks Scott’s concentration.

Scott:
Stop doing that!

Greg:
Sorry, I just humiliated my self

Scott (smirking):
Why? What happened?

Greg:
I asked her to dance, the nerves got to me and I ran for it


Scott laughs at Greg; Greg is starting to get annoyed

Scott:
Not so easy is it?

Greg:
Well at least I tried, what have you done about it?

Scott:
Well…..um…

Greg:
Oh stop being an immature prick and move


Scott inhales and exhales deeply, he walks to the door and stops

Greg:
What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re nervous already?

Scott:
No, my eyes hurt for some reason.

Greg:
Happens to me all the time, try going to bed earlier.

Scott:
No, it’s not like that, this really hurts.

Greg:
Oh for god sake go on.


Scott begins to scream in agony, his eyes are starting to become red

Greg:
Dude, how much did you smoke?

Scott:
I didn’t smoke anything


Scott’s eyes are beginning to glow red by now

Scott:
ARGHH! I CANT SEE!!!


Greg pushes Scott out the door into the disco.

Int. Disco

Scott looks to Olivia. Just then a powerful red beam escapes his eyes at a tremendous force it pushes him back a few cm. Scott hears a loud, echoing scream throughout the gym from many people. He closes his eyes and duck’s. He begins to hear a number of cry’s and yells from many people. In the midst of the panic, he picks up a number of voices:


Man 1:
Oh my god! What did that freak do to her?

Man 2:
Olivia!!!

Man 3:
No, don’t go. Please!

Scott realises he has injured Olivia. He screams in tremendous angony

[The Ones]

Comments? Advice? Thoughts?

Do you like it? Should i continue?

[The Ones]

Part 2 (this is not quite as good as i hoped it would be, but further comments and advice would be greatly appreciated):

20 years later:

Ext: Forrest

A middle aged man, with one arm over his eyes and the other arm out is staggering through a forest, yet trying to walk forward, trying to remember what happened to him…

Flashback:

Scott and Jean are kissing. Scott’s face begins to bubble. Scott opens his eyes, the beam’s come rushing back to him with the same pain he experienced that night 20 years ago. Red optic blasts are propelled from Scott’s eyes and fire toward Jean’s face. With split second timing, Jean puts up a telekinetic barrier around herself. The force from the beam at such close range propels both Jean and Scott in opposite directions in an aura of bright red energy. Jean lands on the floor by the lake unconscious; Scott is sent flying into the forest and hit his head on a conveniently placed rock. He too is unconscious

End Flashback

Scott remembers the recent incidents. A tear somehow manages to escape his eye's. Secretly, under his breath

Scott:
No... Jean…What have I done to you


Int. Xavier Mansion- Kitchen

Students are enthusiastically running around in there pyjamas, bumping into each other and squeezing past to get breakfast. They are all laughing and are using there mutant power’s to there advantage to get food. Kitty Phases through everyone pushing and shoving and steadily walks through the crowd. We cut to Rogue and Bobby, who are on a sofa in the room opposite, in each other’s arms.

Bobby (to the students in the kitchen):
Quiet in there!

None of them respond. Bobby sighs and stretches his arm out to the kitchen. A beam of ice blasts from his hand in a crashing sound. The ice stops just inside and forms a wall as a replacement to the door. The noise is heavily reduced but we can hear student’s playful laughter turn to sounds of distress and cursing at Bobby. Bobby turns to Rogue and leans in for a kiss. They both stare into each others eyes as they draw nearer. There lips are hovering over each other. They are both distracted at the same time at the sound of a soft *swish* sound coming from the ice wall. Kitty Pryde comes out of the ice wall

Kitty:
Bobby, that was uncalled for.

Kitty sees Bobby and Rogue in each others arms but decides not to mention it

Bobby:
Kitty, could we have a little privacy please?

Kitty looks around in confusion as there clearly was never any privacy with all the students walking down the hallway. She looks at bobby in disgust

Kitty:
Sure, whatever

Kitty walks off angrily. Bobby gets up and runs after her, leaving Rogue looking on. Bobby grabs kitty on the shoulder.

Bobby:
Kitty…

Kitty’s shoulder phases through Bobby’s hand.

Bobby:
Kitty wait,

Kitty slowly stops and turns around. Her eyes are clearly filling with tears.

Bobby:
What is wrong with you? Rogue took the cure for me. I can’t just dump her now

Kitty:
Or maybe you loved her all along and I was just a substitute

Bobby:
Don’t think that
Kitty:
Why not, it’s the truth

Bobby:
Come on Kitty, you know that’s not true.

Kitty:
Well you haven’t shown me anything to prove you love me. Ever since she’s returned you’ve just been spending time with her and not…

Bobby grab’s kitty and kisses her. We cut to Rogue, looking on in a sad, yet horrified state. She starts to cry, gets up and walk’s off. Bobby and Kitty finish kissing and gradually separate. Kitty looks down and cracks a smile. Bobby strokes her chin and leans to her face

Bobby:
Im just doing it for Rogues benefit.

Kitty attempts to say something but just walks off. Bobby turns around and sees Rogue gone. He runs back into the room and looks around. He closes his eyes and puts his hands up to his face.

[Majik1387]

I like it, and I like where you're going with the Kitty/Bobby/Rogue relationship.

One suggestion, instead of Scott screaming "I'M BLINDED!", why don't you have him say "I CAN'T SEE!"? It would be more believeable.

[The Ones]

Just changed it

But anyway glad you like it. Writing part 3 now

[MaleRogue]

I Like it bring on part three

[The Ones]

I Like it bring on part three

Glad people like it.

Im just trying to work out the characterisation in the story and what the character's do and what is there purpose in the story. Its difficult because it has the upmost potential to be cheesy. Im also trying to figure out how to introduce the 7-8 new chracter's i have lined up.

[Sean Madrox]

It's really good, I can't wait for more.

[MaleRogue]

I love you did go on with the love triangel...
BGut I secretly hope Bobby and Rogue stay together LOL

[phoenix_force]

hey thought u guys should see this according to yahoo x men 4 is the third top rumour after harry potter book 7
http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/17068/rampant-rumors

[MaleRogue]

I want more :D
NOW :D

[The Ones]

I should be finished part 3 in about 1 hour. Just working out how to fit pieces together and make it flow

[Destructicus]

keep up the good work, I am interested how this is gona turn out.

[The Ones]

Part 3:

Ext. Mansion

The camera pan’s down across the school. As it pan’s down, 2 headstones come into frame. The tombstones read: Scott Summer’s and Jean Grey. A shadow is cast over Jean Grey’s headstone, we cut to Logan looking down. His face is filled with sorrow and grief. He lay’s a flower on Jean Grey’s headstone. He is about to say something but the grief overcomes him and he start’s crying. A voice from behind him surprises him

Voice:
Well, I never thought I’d see the day when an animal show’s emotion

Wolverine draw’s his claws in anger. we see his face, clearly pissed. He turns around to attack but is frozen in shock when he sees who said those painful words. We don’t see anyone, we are focused on Wolverine. Wolverine retracts his claws slowly, Wolverine is scared to death.

Voice:
Good Boy

The screen goes black, 2 eyelid shapes open on the screen. We see a forest in those eyes, coated with a red hue. At this moment we hear a massive concussive blast rip through. We cut to a forest normally to see tons of trees get uprooted by a red beam of energy. We cut to Cyclops shooting a red beam from his eyes. He closes his eye’s and the beam of energy is gone.
Scott:
Good news, No one was there. Bad news….No one was there

He continues to walk forward but he hears voices behind him

Man:
Come on Jane, that light was this way

Scott turns to the estimated direction of the voices. He lets out a powerful scream…

Scott:
HELP ME!!!!

He waits for an answer but nothing comes. He continues to stagger but he hears someone running to him.

Man:
Oh my god, are you ok?

Scott:
Yes, please…take me home…I live…

Man:
No, the only place you’re going is the hospital.

Scott:
No! I can’t. Im blind!

Man:
Must have been that strange red light we saw. Who could do something like that

Woman:
You poor thing, we’ll take you there, wont we Geoff?

Man:
Yea, sure

Scott knows better than to fire at humans, at least there trying to help.


Int. mansion

Bobby is running past students in the hallway

Bobby:
Rogue! Rogue!
He runs down the hallway. He gets to a window and see’s Rogue walking down the path to the main gates of the X-mansion, carrying her bag of personal items, tears coming from her eyes. Bobby, after seeing this, run’s down stairs, hoping to get to the main exit in time. Bobby meets Kitty on the way.

Kitty:
Hey Bobby…

Bobby run’s through Kitty in a rush

Kitty:
Why are you rushing?

Bobby stops, turns and answers

Bobby:
I’ve got to get to Rogue

Bobby turns back and runs off

Kitty (under her breath):
So much for being around for her benefit

Bobby gets outside. He yells:

Bobby:
ROGUE!!!

She’s nowhere in sight. Bobby turns slowly and walks back into the X-mansion.

[MaleRogue]

Ooooh Love it :D
looks great

[The Ones]

Edit

[The Ones]

Well its been through lots of rewrites but here it is (finally)

Part 4:

Int. Hospital

Scott is lying on a bed with doctors tending to him.

Doctor 1:
What’s the problem?

Doctor 2:
He was hit with a laser and is now blind. He also has some head injury

Doctor 1:
Concussion?

Doctor 2:
We can’t tell, he won’t let us near him
The first doctor walks over to Scott

Doctor 1:
What’s your name?

Scott (lying):
David Sunders

Doctor 1:
Ok Dave im going to take a look at your eyes for any signs of concussion

Scott:
NO!!! DON’T!!

The Doctor opens Scott’s eyes and is blown back by a powerful red beam. The beams smashed open the ceiling and brought the debris down around them.

Doctor 2:
OH MY GOD! IT’S A MUTANT!

Scott gets up, not knowing where he’s going. He listened to where the angry doctors were and runs to the opposite direction. He runs into a wall, he open’s his eyes and blasts a hold in the wall, He runs through it and the terrain is changed, he is outside, He makes a run for it with no visual whatsoever.


Int. Bus

The camera pans over passengers. As it gets to the back of the bus, a familiar face comes into view. It’s Rogue. He eyes are filled with tears. She is in deep thought but is shaken out of it when the bus violently pulls to a halt. She looks out the window and see’s a corner shop. Hungry, she steps out of the bus and walks into the shop. It only has 2 people browsing round the shop. She reaches into her pocket and feel’s around for some change. She doesn’t have any money. Slowly she moves toward the stack of fruit. She picks it up and puts it into her pocket. She walks out but is stopped by the shop keeper

Shop Keeper:
Hey! Are you going to pay for that?

The shop keeper grabs Rogue’s hand to stop her from leaving but is frozen when he touched her hand. Veins are now being exposed on his face, he is gasping for air. Rogue realises what’s happening and pull’s away. The shop keeper slumps to the ground spasming. Rogue looks in horror at the shop keeper, she realises one thing. The cure isn’t permanent. She runs out in shock. A 6 ft.1 man with red eyes follows her.

Int. Mansion

We see a distraught Kitty sitting on the sofa clearly crying, being comforted by Peter Rasputin. We cut to Storm, Beast, Angel and Bobby sitting in front of the TV watching the news.

News Announcer:
The body of an Ancient Egyptian ruler has been uncovered today, amazingly, still preserved. It is being escorted to the National History Museum right now.

During this announcement, a woman enters the Mansion, dressed in white. She surveys the area and spots the X-men watching TV.

Woman:
Ororo!

Storm turns around, along with the other X-men

Storm:
Emma? Why are you back here?

Emma:
I heard Scott was dead, I had to come and see for myself.

Beast walks up to Storm and Emma.

Beast:
Who’s this?

Storm:
Emma Frost, she was an old classmate of Scott and graduated and moved on. Scott stayed here to teach though.

Emma stretches out her hand for a handshake to Beast. Beast reluctantly returns it

News Announcer on TV:
And this just in, mutants attack a hospital.

All of the mutants in the mansion immediately crowds round the TV.

News announcer:
The mutant was believed to be a human and was taken in for care. The mutant then fired at the doctors with, what eye witness’s claim: Red lasers from his eyes. He then broke down a wall and escaped


All of the Mutants are in shock with the report; they all gradually come to the same conclusion. Scott Summers is alive

[Spider-Fan83]

I like what you have some far, the first 3 were good, (in the first one that scott as a teenage story, was that some thing you made up or was that in the comics) I like where you were going with this 4th one, though, I didn't care for the "Hes a mutan" "Kill Him"(seem alil narror minded for a doctor) also I would think that Scott would of done more to stop the doc from opening this eyes IMO
the bus scene is good, continuing with the rogue story, (when I was first reading it, when it said that the bus comes to a violent halt, I thought maybe it was Scott running in to the middle of the road, and rogue on the bus sees him, no critism there, just what I thought when I read it) but, I like the lead in to the tall dark stranger with the red eyes, but, how long has she been on that bus, that shes so, despite, and hungry, that she would be willing to steal, I mean back at the Mansion, next scene it seem to be only a short time has pasted, kitty is still crying on the sofa,(though, for a teenage girl, that could of be days later that shes still cring lol) they all watching the news (no one went after rogue?)
(one other thought, if Emma was a student at the Mansion around the same time as Scott, wouldn’t beast a former member of the x-team know her or at least know of her, or was that before this time or something)
over all great work, keep it up

[The Ones]

I like what you have some far, the first 3 were good, (in the first one that scott as a teenage story, was that some thing you made up or was that in the comics)

That was something out of the comics mixed with my own idea's

I like where you were going with this 4th one, though, I didn't care for the "Hes a mutan" "Kill Him"(seem alil narror minded for a doctor) also I would think that Scott would of done more to stop the doc from opening this eyes IMO

Yea, i didnt want to spend too long in the hospital. I kinda think i went overboard with the "kill him" line too, now that i look back on it.


the bus scene is good, continuing with the rogue story, (when I was first reading it, when it said that the bus comes to a violent halt, I thought maybe it was Scott running in to the middle of the road, and rogue on the bus sees him, no critism there, just what I thought when I read it) but, I like the lead in to the tall dark stranger with the red eyes,

Couldve been a good idea with the Scott and Rogue thing but it would have thrown the rest of Rogues and Scott's story completely out of proportion. And we all know who that guy is dont we?

i mena back at the Mansion, next scene it seem to be only a short time has pasted, kitty is still crying on the sofa, they all watching the news (no one went after rogue?)

Well where would they go? Bobby tried to run after her but lost her. She could be anywhere. The Pro isnt there so they cant use a telepath to track her


(one other thought, if Emma was a student at the Mansion around the same time as Scott, wouldn’t beast a former member of the x-team know her or at least know of her, or was that before this time or something)
over all great work, keep it up

In X-2 you can clearly see Hank on TV in a non mutant form so i consider his joining of the X-team to be recent. ( I know he had ape like powers before he was blue but we had no clue how long ago or for how long we was there so i didnt try and incorperate that.

[Spider-Fan83]

ok, cool
Thanks, for clear those things up for me, and looking forward to your next part of the story
BTW: it was implied in x3 (ignoring the hank cameo in x2) that he was part of the original team, but, then left to work with the government, to help mutant rights. but, each way.

[Booznian]

Please..Part V now! OMG i have loving your script...Wonderful!

[CapBeerCino]

"Good news, No one was there. Bad news….No one was there" :D

I love it so far! go on...

[The Ones]

Edit

[The Ones]

Part 5:

Ext. City’s streets

Rogue is walking down a street filled with people, still in shock of what has happened. She turns a corner and ends up in a dark alley way. She puts her back up to a wall and slides down, her knees are up to her face, She puts her head on them and starts crying. At the end of the alleyway, a tall stranger with red eyes in a long trench coat walks down and stops in front of Rogue. Rogue looks up with curiosity.

Man:
What’s the matter Cherie?

Rogue turns away, still in tears

Man:
Don’t feel bad, a fine belle femme like you shouldn’t feel bad.

Rogue turns back, her face is red. In a stuttered voice she asks

Rogue:
W…wh…who are you?

Man:
The name’s Remy LeBeau. Me mate’s call me Gambit

Rogue:
I’d like to be alone Mr LeBeau

Gambit:
For what? What you did to that shop keep was mighty fine

Rogue looks up with a horrified look on her face. She stands up and lifts up her hand to Gambit’s face

Gambit:
You wouldn’t hurt me

Rogue:
What makes you so sure?

Gambit:
You’re not the kind of couyon that goes around killing people for fun

Rogue turns around and puts her hands up to her face. She turns back.

Rogue:
I guess it doesn’t matter to you that I was cured of this curse and wouldn’t endanger people again

Gambit is getting pissed. He pushes her against the wall hard

Gambit:
Being a mutant isn’t a curse, it’s an opportunity

Rogue:
Well you seem pretty positive about it, what can you do that’s worth being a mutant?

Gambit pulls out a playing card from a pocket inside his trench coat.

Rogue:
A playing card? What you work in a casino or something

Gambit gives Rogue a nasty look. The card spontaneously starts to emit yellow aura, like fire but not as violent or bright. Gambit looks around, he see’s a bin. He flicks the card in the direction of the bin, the card fly’s forward. As it hits the bin is gets blown away in a devastating explosion. The sound is ricocheted down the alleyway.

Gambit:
You like?

Rogue clearly does but doesn’t want to give gambit his satisfaction of pleasing her.

Gambit:
Come on, I can take you to a place where you can be accepted and not feared.

Rogue:
Forget it. I already know a place where im accepted.

Gambit:
You do? Then why, pretty lady, are you not at that place right now?

Rogue looks to Gambit and starts to think about his offer

Ext. Mansion

Storm is walking down the garden. She looks up to the sky and her eyes turn white, the sky turns cloudy. Rain drops start to fall down in small numbers. Then suddenly massive droplets of water start flying down like a tropical storm. Voices from inside the mansion start to ensue:

Student 1:
Thanks Miss Monroe

Student 2:
Yea it was too hot

Storm:
Enjoy it while you can, im just watering my plants.


Int. Mansion

We cut to Kitty Pryde and Piotr Rasputin (Colossus) sitting on a couch. Kitty is just starting to stop crying. Piotr, however, still has his arm around Kitty for comfort.

Kitty:
No one understands me.

Piotr:
Don’t be so sure, I think I do

Kitty:
Oh come on Pete, how much do you understand me. I can’t even keep my own boyfriend.

Piotr:
Seems we're both the quiet types around this crazy place

Kitty:
what do you mean?

Piotr:
I noticed that you like to keep to yourself, like I do sometimes. You're either in class, being taunted by your roomates, or alone in a quiet corner

Kitty:
You... you noticed that???

Piotr:
I'm a good observer. That's why I sketch and draw

Piotr hands Kitty a sheet of A4 paper, we get the view of it and its a well drawn picture of Kitty sitting under a tree with a laptop. Kitty seems stunned by it. Piotr looks away for a moment then looks back at Kitty. Storm comes in from behind them rather unexpectadly

Storm:
Kitty, Piotr. Suit up, we have a mission.

Int. Museum

We are now in a museum filled to the brim with fantastic artefacts and historical monuments. We pan through it and 2 men come into view

Man 1:
So when is it coming

Man 2:
Soon, oh man I can’t wait to analyse it

Man 1:
Why?

Man 2:
Because this isn’t any normal mummy, that corpse has just not rotted, and no one understands why

Man 1:
Well Egyptians have been second to none when it comes to preserving their dead

The second man casts a weird look at him. He is about to say something but is interrupted by a 3rd man running down the opposite end.

Man 3:
Doctor Essex!

The 2nd man turns and looks at the 3rd man

Man 3:
It’s arrived

Essex:
Good.

With that, the second man walks of down the hallway with the 3rd man, only to have the 1st man call after him.

Man 1:
Nathaniel, are you sure it’s safe?

Nathaniel continues walking down but still replies

Nathaniel:
I’ve been studying human genetics for years. Nothing can still be alive after 5000 years. I’ll be fine.

[The Ones]

Feedback?

[Mini Wolfsbane]

"Don’t feel bad, a fine turkey like you shouldn’t feel bad."

Please, I'm begging you, change that to something else, quick!:eek:

I think you were looking for the term Femme (woman) or Belle (beautiful).

I have no idea how you got turkey, though, as it looks like you have a good handle on the English and French language.You'll have to
explain that one to me.:confused:

And maybe it's me,but I don't think Remy would be one to just
push girl's up against walls.Doesn't seem like his style,you know ?
I see him grabbing her arm or wrist suddenly instead.Less
scary and more in character for him.

Otherwise, your story is pretty good.Keep it going, I want to see
how it ends.

[The Ones]

"Don’t feel bad, a fine turkey like you shouldn’t feel bad."

Please, I'm begging you, change that to something else, quick!:eek:

I think you were looking for the term Femme (woman) or Belle (beautiful).

I have no idea how you got turkey, though, as it looks like you have a good handle on the English and French language.You'll have to
explain that one to me.:confused:



Ok i changed it, i have no idea why i put it in myself, i was looking for a basterised version of bird/chick (slang for woman)



And maybe it's me,but I don't think Remy would be one to just
push girl's up against walls.Doesn't seem like his style,you know ?
I see him grabbing her arm or wrist suddenly instead.Less
scary and more in character for him.


Well, brabbing her wrist or arm would cause him to die, so pushing him against the wall would seem like the kind of thing Gambit would do after she insults there "race".


Otherwise, your story is pretty good.Keep it going, I want to see
how it ends.


Thanks, theres a massive cliff hanger in store for the end.

[Mini Wolfsbane]

Ok i changed it, i have no idea why i put it in myself, i was looking for a basterised version of bird/chick (slang for woman)


Okay.Can't say I much like that idea, being female, but it's your story.


Well, brabbing her wrist or arm would cause him to die, so pushing him against the wall would seem like the kind of thing Gambit would do after she insults there "race".

Oops.Sorry.Forgot she was dressed normally and that her powers were back and all.Well,whatever.I read pretty fast,so I might have missed
some details to the whole scene,too.


Thanks, theres a massive cliff hanger in store for the end.

You're welcome.Can't wait for that!

[JeanGrey12]

so far its actually pretty good. :) you use all of the characters without placing too much focus on one. the transitions are pretty good too. the only thing i notcied so far was scott being in the hospital was almost the same as a scene in xmen evolution. thats ok though cause it was one of my fav episodes. ;) overall :up: :up: :up: :up: great job! keep em coming!

[The Ones]

so far its actually pretty good. :) you use all of the characters without placing too much focus on one. the transitions are pretty good too. the only thing i notcied so far was scott being in the hospital was almost the same as a scene in xmen evolution. thats ok though cause it was one of my fav episodes. ;) overall :up: :up: :up: :up: great job! keep em coming!

Hey thanks, i try and give character's the equal share of time. Yea im placing in homages dotted nearly everywhere to the TAS series, Evolution and the Comics.

[JeanGrey12]

Hey thanks, i try and give character's the equal share of time. Yea im placing in homages dotted nearly everywhere to the TAS series, Evolution and the Comics.

Thats cool :) can't wait for the next part

[The Ones]

Im writing part 6 now. It should be witten, proof read, finalised and posted here within 7 hours

[Cyrusbales]

I'm liking the cyclops on the run, and wanna know more about the wolverine story. The bobby/rogue/kitty/piotr is a bit weak(no offence). Thank god for apocalypse! I feel there are too many characters being brought in too quickly, but Emma frost is one of my fav's so good job there! Also like Gambit.

I wanna see what you interpret to happen to Magneto, I don't think he should be a focus after the first 3 films, but it's always good to see him. But definately cut back to wolverine soon, there's some good enigma going on there.

I'm actually a screenwriter myself, so I enjoy seeing other people commiting things to paper(or computers). Keep it up, I'll be reading.

[The Ones]

I'm liking the cyclops on the run, and wanna know more about the wolverine story.

Cyclops on the run will be solved in part 7. Trust me, you dont want to know what happened to Wolverine (it is revealed at the end).

The bobby/rogue/kitty/piotr is a bit weak(no offence).

No offence taken, I suck at doing relationships in story's but it has to be done so i took a blind shot at it

Thank god for apocalypse!

You got those hints eh? lol.

I feel there are too many characters being brought in too quickly, but Emma frost is one of my fav's so good job there! Also like Gambit.

There only there to move the every other characters story forward (ive also got around 5 more to introduce). Yea, Gambit is my fave to and thought it was a sin not to have him in so i created a story that could fit him in this.


I wanna see what you interpret to happen to Magneto, I don't think he should be a focus after the first 3 films, but it's always good to see him.

Magneto's fate will be revealed soon...keep reading. ;)



I'm actually a screenwriter myself, so I enjoy seeing other people commiting things to paper(or computers). Keep it up, I'll be reading.

Thanks, im just doing this to get into the character's heads more and to practice writing.

[Cyrusbales]

Cyclops on the run will be solved in part 7. Trust me, you dont want to know what happened to Wolverine (it is revealed at the end).



No offence taken, I suck at doing relationships in story's but it has to be done so i took a blind shot at it



You got those hints eh? lol.



There only there to move the every other characters story forward (ive also got around 5 more to introduce). Yea, Gambit is my fave to and thought it was a sin not to have him in so i created a story that could fit him in this.



Magneto's fate will be revealed soon...keep reading. ;)



Thanks, im just doing this to get into the character's heads more and to practice writing.

It's good what your doing, I'm writing a 'Hellblazer meets the shadow' comic book series. With the ocasional appearance from other comic characters i like.

[Cyrusbales]

Where's the next bit then? We're all waiting for it!!!! :):):)

[The Ones]

Its all written, just waiting for it to be re-read and altered a bit and then posted

[Cyrusbales]

good good, looking forward to it!

[The Ones]

Int. Mansion

Kitty Pryde, Colossus, Beast, Angel and Iceman are walking down the brown corridor. Iceman turns around in a confused manner and asks

Iceman:
Hey where’s Logan?

Beast:
If he can’t be bothered to work with us it’s his problem

We cut to Storm and Emma Frost, Storm is holding up a black leather uniform to Emma

Emma:
Im not wearing that

Storm:
Then you need to wear a uniform

Emma:
Im not wearing that

Storm [frustrated]:
these uniforms are well suited for our work. The artificial leather and padding provides good protection against blunt weapons and blades, the expansion joints let them be flexible, the Kevlar gives some bullet protection, and they're light and sturdy

Emma:
I know

Storm:
Then put it on

Emma:
It's the colour.

Storm:
Black gives the advantage of stealth and camouflage

Emma:
Emma Frost wears only white, darling

Storm: [frustrated, patiently]:
If Emma Frost wants to work with the X-men and save Scott, she either wears black, or she stays behind


Emma: [sulks]
Fine...


Int. Mansion- Subbasement

Kitty Pryde, Colossus, Storm, Beast, Angel, Iceman and Emma Frost come out of the lift to reveal the dimly lit metal hallway. Emma is now in a black suit which is obviously causing her some discomfort.

Emma:
Wow, ive never been down here before

Angel:
At least you know your way around upstairs

Emma (to Storm):
How can you people wear this? It's too chaffing!

Emma looks over at Iceman, who's perfectly comfortable

Emma:
How come YOU'RE so comfortable? I’m burning up in here!

Iceman:
Oh, when I get hot I just drop my body's temperature

Ice-man ices up

Iceman (cont)
Want some help cooling off?

Emma looks at him surprised, then a little annoyed and narrows her eyes

Emma:
Not a chance, dear

Iceman de-ices. While doing so he stretches out his arm to the ground in front of Emma, ice starts to form in front of her causing Emma to slip and fall down on her back. Ice-man walks away laughing


Int. X-jet

We cut to the X-jet where each X-man is fully strapped in. Storm and Colossus are in the pilot seats. Emma is strapped in but is still pulling at the suit in an uncomfortable way

Colossus:
What’s wrong Em?

Emma:
None of your business

Beast:
So, what powers do you have?

Emma stay’s still, suddenly her skin starts to change to a hard, white substance, light is being refracted through it sharply


Colossus:
Is that diamond?

Emma (without moving her mouth):
Yep

Beast:
ANOTHER telepath eh?

Emma:
Yes, Darling. I can tell what you did last summer

Emma turns to Ice-man

Emma (cont):
And I can tell how attractive you find me, Popsicle-man, but really now! You should learn to avoid such naughty thoughts! Tsk tsk

Beast:
Can you control minds too?

Emma (shrugs matter of factly):
Well one time I made people vomit every time they heard the word 'cabbage'

Ice-man:
Wow

Emma:
Yep, neat eh?

Kitty:
That’s scary

Emma:
What is dear?

Kitty:
Someone we don't know looking in our heads and messing with our minds

Emma (to Ice-man):
Look, Bobby, right? I know how lovely I look to you in this uniform, but believe me, I don't intend to make a habit of it. Emma Frost only wears white!

Kitty:
Stop it! Stop this at once! You CANNOT just go around probing people's thoughts!!

Storm:
Kitty’s right Emma, Jean would NEVER do that without a person's permission. And we're expecting the same from you!

Emma:
Wow calm down, I was only having a little fun

Storm:
That’s not fun, that’s sick

Emma:
Ok. I won’t look in your minds again without permission

Storm:
Damn right you won’t


Emma:
What’s that supposed to mean?

Storm hesitates but then eventually answer’s

Storm:
Nothing, Emma. Everyone, were making a small stop for a moment.

The X-men look around confused

Ice-man:
Where?

Int. Church

The camera pan’s across the inside of a church, Storm, Beast and Ice-man walk inside, in the distance we can hear a German priest speak, for some reason he sounds oddly familiar. The camera pan’s up to reveal the priest is has blue skin with angelic symbols embossed from his skin and has 3 fingers. This is Nightcrawler. In the middle of his prayer he looks up and see’s Storm, Ice-man and Beast.

Nightcrawler:
MISS MONROE!

Nightcrawler evacuates the space he’s occupying on the alter in a puff of toxic blue smoke, the congregation is alarmed and starts to panic. The same blue smoke is expelled next to the 3 X-men, this time Nightcrawler is revealed as the smoke clears.

Nightcrawler:
Oh my god I haven’t seen you for 8 month’s

Storm:
Good to see you again Kurt, how’s being a priest working out for you.

Nightcrawler:
It’s going good but…

Nightcrawler turns around to the confused and alarmed congregation watching in fear.

Nightcrawler:
I think its time to leave.

Int. X-jet

We see Nightcrawler, Storm, Beast and Ice-man walking up the ramp. The rest of the X-men look at Nightcrawler is fear and disgust.

Emma:
Who are you?


Nightcrawler:
My name is Kurt Wagner, but in the Munich Circus I was known as The Incredible Nightcrawler.

Emma (sarcastic):
Well that’s great

Int. Museum

We cut to Dr Nathaniel Essex surveying a very large rectangular rock, aged and broken. 2 other men are sitting behind Essex, clearly bored

Nathaniel:
How fascinating

Man 1 (sarcastic):
Oh what is it?

Nathaniel:
This tomb is indeed from the time of the Egyptians almost 5000 years ago

Man 2:
Fantastic, now can we please see the bloody thing!

Nathaniel:
Ok, ok.

The 2 men jump up enthusiastically and walk to the rock. The 3 men lift up the lid in unison to reveal a 7 ft mummy with pale white skin and blue markings engraved in his skin. It has a gold headpiece with a mini sphinx placed in the centre

Nathaniel is staring at the ‘corpse’ in amazement. A large smile that seemed to go further than his face allowed was carefully placed on his face.

Nathanial:
Whoa!!

Man 1:
Um, we don’t understand, you said it was 5000 years old, why does it still have flesh?

Nathaniel:
Of course you don't understand! Your little minds cannot possibly appreciate the significance of what all this means!

Man 2:
You know what it means:

Nathaniel:
Of course


Nathaniel turns back to the body.


Man 1:
Would you care to share it with us?

Nathaniel:
I have to study this more



Ext. Beach

We cut to a group of surfer’s on a beach in Hawaii.

Surfer 1:
Hey Alex, I bet you can’t surf those waves.

We cut to massive waves crashing down just of shore. Then cut straight to a blonde haired teenager

Alex:
You think so eh?

Alex run’s toward the edge of the beach, on the way he grab’s his surfboard on the floor and jumps into the ocean, while in the air he positions the surfboard on his feat, he is now surfing toward massive waves

Surfer 1 (to his mates):
This is going to be classic

Alex surfs up a huge wave, the wave breaks up and Alex is sent flying down to the Ocean engulfed with heavy water,

Surfer 2 (from the shore):
ALEX! ALEX CAN YOU HEAR ME!

We cut to inside the ocean and see Alex swinging back up to the surface, he spots something in the distance, He tries to swim in the opposite direction, we cut to the P.O.V of Alex, and he is being ‘pursued’ by a Great white. As the shark gets closer, Alex clearly fears for his life. He clenches his first and, at a last act of desperation, attempts to punch the shark. A bright red energy beam is emitted from his hand and hits the shark at such an enormous speed and strength it is catapulted back, it swim’s away. Alex looks at his hand in amazement, he gets to the surface of the water and starts swimming to shore. Alex gets to shore and looks at his hand.


Alex:
My god, I did not just do that….



Ext. Aged Street

We cut to Rogue is being led down and odd stone path by Gambit, getting ready to drain Gambit if he tries anything.

Rogue:
So…why card’s

Gambit:
Being honest lady, it’s like having 52 compact explosives in my pocket, and they're cheap.

Rogue:
I think there cool

Gambit:
As do I

Rogue and Gambit turn a corner

Rogue:
What’s so special about me anyway?

Gambit:
Come on Mademoiselle, you shouldn’t really have to ask

Rogue:
Quite the charmer

Gambit:
I try

Gambit walks up to a wall that represents a dead end.

Gambit (to wall):
It’s Remy

2 door’s slide open from the wall, Gambit turns to Rogue, aiming his arm at the corridor revealed from the wall

Gambit:
After you, Mademoiselle


Rogue:
Thanks

Rogue steps in, she starts walking down the corridor for about 10 seconds, then she enters a very dark, old room filled with water leakage and lit by a single bulb in the middle of the ceiling. Sitting around are 5 Mutants, 2 of which Rogue recognises easily as Sabretooth and Toad. Sabretooth spots Rogue and narrows his eyes at her. Gambit comes up behind her

Gambit:
Welcome to the Morlocks

Rogue:
This…is your sanctuary??

Gambit:
Make your self at home then Cherie

Sabretooth (growling):
An X-Punk! What is SHE doing here?

Gambit:
She’s not like the others Victor, give her a chance.

A man with white hair moves in front of Rogue in a blur that startles Rogue

Man:
Hey girl, names Pietro Maximoff, people call me Quicksilver. Can you believe it?

Rogue stretches her arm out to greet him but he’s off in a blur that seems to defy the laws of physics. Pietro ends up next to a girl to the left

Pietro:
I’ll go from left to right, this is my sister Wanda, also known as Scarlet which

In a blur he’s off to the next person

Pietro:
This is our slime bucket, also known as Toad

Toad:
Hey we have feelings, remember?

Pietro:
This is Dominic Petros, he’s Avalanche. The name speaks for itself

Pietro:
And this is Victor Creed, also known as Sabretooth for good reason

Everyone reluctantly greets Rogue with a friendly hi, except Sabretooth

Rogue:
So what power’s do you guy’s have.

Pietro:
As you may have guessed, I have super fast reflexes and I can run fast. My sis over there can create hex fields and alter probability, Good old Toad has the generic traits of a…….Toad, to be accurate, Avalanche can control land mass, Sabretooth is self explanatory, and Gambit can blow things up. What power do you have?

Rogue:
I can kill people when I touch em

Everyone stops what there doing and stare’s at Rogue wide eyed

Pietro:
Wow. You’re in, girl.

[Spider-Fan83]

well, there certainly a lot going on in this part, gathering up the troops so to speak. you kinda jump around alot, here, introing a lot people all in one scene, I don't know if that’s a bad thing or not, it was set up well enough
couple of notes: (brotherhood intro) Sabb, and toad, supposedly die in x1
edit: (why did i remeber reading it as 4 not 5, whatever sorry)
I would also, think that Rogue, (and or, Sabb&Toad), would have a much bigger reaction to seeing each other again (considering there past history) (this brotherhood is clearly more based on the x-men: evolution version, an may not really fit the tone of the movie universe, but that's your call, and depending on how you plan on playing it out, can work)
but, that stuff a side (I mean, who I am to make any judgement)
this part of the story is very transitioning, and moves alone nicely, sets up alot of things, and brings in alot of new (and some old) characters with out being to alienating, (some, rather (for lack of better word) pointless banter toward the begin with Emma and the x-men, but, thats just part of her character development, I am sure)


nicely done,
keep on, keepin on :up:

[The Ones]

well, there certainly a lot going on in this part, gathering up the troops so to speak. you kinda jump around alot, here, introing a lot people all in one scene, I don't know if that’s a bad thing or not, it was set up well enough


Yep, i caused people to wait too long and gave them 2 parts in 1 so to speak for repayment


couple of notes: (brotherhood intro) Sabb, and toad, supposedly die in x1, and movie sabb, can't talk (but, it's your story)

Um, we never saw there body (same with Cyke, but you arent companining about that are you?) and rewatch X-1, movie sabb does talk


you intro to the brotherhood, scene as having 4 people seating around, when 5 were introduced (though, quicksilver probably wasn't just seating around in invisible sight)

no i didnt.


I would also, think that Rogue, (or and, Sabb&Toad), would have a much bigger reaction to seeing each other again (considering there past history) (this brotherhood is clearly more based on the x-men: evolution version,

Yes, but seeing as Sabretooth was barely with Rogue most of X-1, he didnt do anything memorable to her, it was Magneto's plotting and planning. But there is a reaction (Sabretooth bites of more than he can chew with Rogue in part 7 though). And this isnt the brotherhood.


but, that stuff a side (I mean, who I am to make any judgement)
this part of the story is very transitioning, and moves alone nicely, sets up alot of things, and brings in a of new (and some old) characters with out being to alienating, (some, rather (for lack of better word) pointless banter toward the begin with Emma and the x-men, but, thats just part of her character development, I am sure)

nicely done,
keep on, keepin on :up:

Yea, im building up Emma was an arrogant S.O.B. It will pay of later though

And very glad you like it. (though i continuinly think im not doing well seeing as i have to explain my self after every part)

[Spider-Fan83]

no i didnt.
(ya, don't know why i remember reading it as being 4)

and rewatch X-1, movie sabb does talk,
Yes, but seeing as Sabretooth was barely with Rogue most of X-1, he didnt do anything memorable to her, it was Magneto's plotting and planning. But there is a reaction (Sabretooth bites of more than he can chew with Rogue in part 7 though). And this isnt the brotherhood.
t's been awhile scine, I'v seen the first x-men, so i might f forgot afew details, like Sabb speaking, or how much envloment they had with rouge.
it seemed to be an brotherhood typ group, (though, they clearly not the actully brotherhood, its very simuler to the group in x-men:evolution)

Yea, im building up Emma was an arrogant S.O.B. It will pay of later though ya, thats what I figure, just seting her up to show what type of person she is, (though, wouldn't she be consider a D(daughter not son).O.B lol) j/k


And very glad you like it. (though i continuinly think im not doing well seeing as i have to explain my self after every part)

your doing just fine, i was just trying to give some feedback, none of what i said really needed explanation, they were just statement of observation, I wasn't questioning anything really. it was rather self explanatory, and came cross just fine

[ntcrawler]

couple of notes: (brotherhood intro) Sabb, and toad, supposedly die in x1, and movie sabb, can't talk (but, it's your story)


What do you mean movie Sabertooth can't talk? He certainly talked to Magneto in his lair after failing to capture Rogue. Can't you remember his famous words to Storm? "Scream for Me..." and later inside the statue of liberty "You owe be a scream..." that sounded like talking to me! :)

[Spider-Fan83]

What do you mean movie Sabertooth can't talk? He certainly talked to Magneto in his lair after failing to capture Rogue. Can't you remember his famous words to Storm? "Scream for Me..." and later inside the statue of liberty "You owe be a scream..." that sounded like talking to me! :)

t's been awhile scine, I'v seen the first x-men, so i might f forgot afew details, like Sabb speaking,

I just remember hearing people complaining, that he couldn't talk in it, and forgot, like i said its been awhile

[Cyrusbales]

didn't Alex summers have blue beams? (i'm not sure but i think he did). Also there's a lot going on, works well, but would be good to be a touch slower, but as it's in this format, I think we all appretiate the pace, as reading is clearly effort, lol. Keep up the good work, and bring on wolverine!!!

[The Ones]

didn't Alex summers have blue beams? (i'm not sure but i think he did).

I dont think so

Also there's a lot going on, works well, but would be good to be a touch slower, but as it's in this format, I think we all appretiate the pace, as reading is clearly effort, lol.

Yea, sorry. I didnt want to bore people.

Keep up the good work, and bring on wolverine!!!

I will and Wolverine is...around...

[@JeanGrey]

:up::up::up:

Nice work!

Alex's Summers story line is similar to that one in Evolution series... I do like the Evolution approach in general, so keep up!

And thank God, Gambit and Emma are involved. Bravo!:up:

Are we going to see Betsy in the story?

[The Ones]

:up::up::up:
Nice work!

Alex's Summers story line is similar to that one in Evolution series... I do like the Evolution approach in general, so keep up!



Thanks, Evolution was a great influence because it got classic story's and made them more reality based (like the Apocalypse story, it was much more believeable than the TAS or the Comic version) and thats the approach im trying to take so i analysed Evolution to see how it made the storys tie into the real world



And thank God, Gambit and Emma are involved. Bravo!:up:



Gambit is one of my Fav characters so i put him in, and people have been fighting for Emma to come in at some point in the movies, so i tried to give them the next best thing.



Are we going to see Betsy in the story?

Betsy's Psylocke right? If so then there are plan's for her to return but nothing solid

[Cyrusbales]

I heard they're making an emma frost movie at the moment anyway! What a great reward to loyal fans!

[The Ones]

I heard they're making an emma frost movie at the moment anyway! What a great reward to loyal fans!

The thing i dont get about that is that there calling Emma Frost a spin off, yet theres nothing to spin her off of

[Cyrusbales]

The thing i dont get about that is that there calling Emma Frost a spin off, yet theres nothing to spin her off of

I know, but she's such a cool character, they don't have anything to follow, so they have freedom to make the character everything she should be!

[The Ones]

I know, but she's such a cool character, they don't have anything to follow, so they have freedom to make the character everything she should be!

Yea, i'd want to see that movie, but knowing Fox, they'd probably stuff in Wolverine and give him the spotlight because he has "it" and is the "popular character"

[Cyrusbales]

:(, hope not, although he should be nice and busy with his own film....

[Sean Madrox]

I think introducing too many characters would ruin the movie. It seems like your trying to juggle alot of people with the Morlocks (seems more like the Brotherhood) and then Alex Summers coming in also. I would just keep Gambit and Emma Frost as the key chracters and have throw away charcters.

[The Ones]

I think introducing too many characters would ruin the movie. It seems like your trying to juggle alot of people with the Morlocks (seems more like the Brotherhood) and then Alex Summers coming in also. I would just keep Gambit and Emma Frost as the key chracters and have throw away charcters.

Dont worry, there all there for the sake of plot, each one of them has a role to play in the story, there not there just by me picking them out randomly.

[Sean Madrox]

I think I might just write a script myself lol.

[The Ones]

I think I might just write a script myself lol.

Good luck with that

[StormCrazy]

I actually want to see a prequel to the series. I'd like to see Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm & Beast (human form) younger version (17 to 20 yrs. old) in their black & yellow uniform. Emma Frost maybe. But I want it to start with how they were recruited & trained by Professor X and Magneto when they were kids. I also want to see how Professor X and Magneto having a conflict because of different views & beliefs that led Magneto to leave the mansion and form the Brotherhood. How Magneto met Mystique, Sabertooth and Toad. How Prof. X got crippled. My villain would be The Hellfire Club which will have connections to Emma Frost. I don't know maybe she works as a spy for the Hellfire Club. Emma pretends to be good and backstabs the X-Men at the end. Emma-Cyclops-Jean triangle. Beast transforming from human to beast and the reason why he left the team. Havok can be a member too, but with conflicts with his brother Scott forced him to leave the team and form his own team X-Factor.

I don't know maybe if they do a prequel it would open up new stories and bring back "new old" team mates like Emma Frost for future sequels.

[The Ones]

Everyone i wont be able to post updates for atleast 2 weeks. Im going away in an hour

[ntcrawler]

The thing i dont get about that is that there calling Emma Frost a spin off, yet theres nothing to spin her off of

That, plus killing off 1/2 the main cast won't leave her with anyone fun to play with. I mean let's face it, the chemistry just isn't the same without Scott to seduce or Jean to trade evil glances with.

[ntcrawler]

I actually want to see a prequel to the series. I'd like to see Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm & Beast (human form) younger version (17 to 20 yrs. old) in their black & yellow uniform. Emma Frost maybe. But I want it to start with how they were recruited & trained by Professor X and Magneto when they were kids. I also want to see how Professor X and Magneto having a conflict because of different views & beliefs that led Magneto to leave the mansion and form the Brotherhood.


It's not a movie, but there are some great novels and stories out there that deal with this very topic, how everyone got together, and how things got started. Here are a few:

"Echo", by N.J. Borba
http://www.angelfire.com/art/Kaleidoscope/ECHO.htm
It's actually an alternate X3 novel, but it has plenty of flashbacks that deal with how things got started for Xavier, Jean's early days, the breakup between Xavier and Magneto, and Magneto's ordeal in the concentration camps

"Special: The Genesis of Cyclops" by Minisoonoo
http://www.themedicinewheel.net/special/special.html
A series of stories and books dealing with how everyone got started, from Scott turning his life around from a homeless street walker to the hero we know of today, and how everyone played a role, including the creation of Xavier's school and the X-men

"An ACcidental Interception of Fate"
http://www.themedicinewheel.net/accidental/accidental.html
How Scott and Jean met, how the X-men were formed, how they met the other team members, and how and why things turned out the way they did by the time we get to X1. This one is a bit more light-hearted than "Special"

"Rebirth and Awakenings", by Juliebmr
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1606009/1/
The story of how Scott went from a broken orphan and became a man, thanks to Xavier, Hank, and a certain red-headed medical student. Shows the creation of the X-men and how Xavier's went from being an institute to a school

"Scylla and Charybdis", by Juliebmr
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1923431/1/
Sequel to "Rebirth", deals with Scott's college years. The breakup with Jean, the seduction and temptations of Emma, and further development of the creation of Xavier's school and the X-men becoming a fully fledged tactical counter-terrorism superhero unit that we recognize today.

Hope this helps fuel some imagination! :)

[JeanGrey12]

That, plus killing off 1/2 the main cast won't leave her with anyone fun to play with. I mean let's face it, the chemistry just isn't the same without Scott to seduce or Jean to trade evil glances with.

this is so true. i mean with emma, we need to see scott or jean. it just wouldn't make sense.

[Deep Thinkin'!]

Hey, The Ones, I've read it all and i'm really enjoying it! Although I am a little bit sad not to see anything with Wolverine.... please continue!

[The Ones]

My deep, im glad your enjoying it. And Wolverine's short role in this X-4 will be compensated in X-5. Although he wont be the Wolverine the majority knows and loves. Next part could be coming sooner than you think

[Deep Thinkin'!]

haha. naw. I don't think Wolverine should have a big role at all. As much as a fan I am, I think he's gotten enough attention. But please continue.

:)

[The Ones]

Part 7

Ext. City

We see the horizon of city buildings. Heat haze is coated over the camera as the X-jet glides down into view from the top, the camera scrolls down and shows the X-jet from top view. It is clear they are landing in a deserted area of the city.

Int. X-jet

We cut to inside the X-jet. All of the X-men are strapped in. They begin to unbuckle and head toward the back. Storm hits a button on the control panel and a ramp descends from the back. The X-men walk down the ramp.

Ext: X-jet

Storm:
Ok, we split up into pair’s

Emma:
Split up?? Were splitting up? Is that wise?

Storm:
Yes, this way we get to cover more ground.

Emma:
But im not all that comfortable on my own.

Storm:
I said we are going to pair’s

Emma walk’s over to Colossus and puts her arm around him.

Emma:
I want to pair up with this one.

Colossus stares at Emma in complete horror. He is obviously uncomfortable

Kitty:
What? Colossus doesn’t have to pair up with you if he doesn’t want to.

Colossus:
Thanks Kitty

Emma looks offended and moves away from Colossus.

Ice-man:
No problem kitty, she can pair with me instead

Emma walks over to Ice-man and puts his arm around him.

Emma:
Oh Bobby, I know you will take care of me.

Ice-man:
Uh….yea…Of course I will.

Emma:
That makes me feel much better. Oh Bobby, thank you.


The rest of the team look at this in a weird way. We cut to a close up of Kitty, who is obviously pissed that Bobby just wants to get together with any hotty that walk’s by. Even worse that Emma actually wanted it.

Storm:
Alright, well one pair is set up. Kitty, you go with Colossus. Beast, you go with Nightcrawler, and Angel your with me.

They all assemble into there assigned pairs and then move off. Emma walks off hugging Bobby close to her, clearly making Kitty jealous. Colossus notices Kitty’s reaction and seem’s hurt by it. Angel lifts his wings up and start’s to fly, Storm’s eyes turn white and lift herself in the air and flies after Angel. We cut to Nightcrawler and Beast.

Beast:
So you’re blue to? Something tells me you don’t have an animal ego

Nightcrawler:
Of course not, check it out.

Nightcrawler disappears in a cloud of toxic blue smoke. He appears on the other side of Beast in the same blue smoke.

Beast:
How astonishing.

Nightcrawler:
Indeed, so let’s go find this Scott character there all worried about.

Int. Morlocks base

We cut to a closed in shot of the sewer’s. From the side of the frame, we see a playing card emitting a yellow energy glide past and explode. The camera moves to the right and we see Gambit in a gargoyle pose flicking cards in front of him in boredom. Rogue is sitting next to him, looking around cautiously. We cut to Sabretooth, who is eyeing her menacingly. Rogue looks around and breaks the unsettling silence by talking.

Rogue:
So, what do you guys eat?

Toad looks around and spots a rat scurrying past. He opens his mouth and sends his tongue flying to the rat. The tongue wraps around the rat and pulls it into Toad’s mouth. Toad swallows and replies

Toad:
Whatever comes around, I guess.

Rogue looks in disgust

Rogue:
Could I have something that’s nice please?

Gambit:
If Mademoiselle is hungry, I’d be happy to take her out for a bite

Rogue:
I could use something more appetising than Toads face

Toad looks to Rogue in a disgusted way.

Gambit gets up and walks to the exit, with Rogue following

Ext. Alleyway.

Kitty and Colossus run down an Alleyway. Colossus spots a dead end but keeps running to it. As he run’s forward he metal’s up and smashes his way through the wall. He turns back to Kitty, who has a concerned look on her face

Kitty:
You know, I could have quietly phased both of us through the wall harmlessly.

Colossus demetals

Colossus:
Sorry. Next time for sure

Kitty walks past Colossus smiling and steps through the large hole in the wall. Colossus trails after her.

Colossus:
What’s funny?

Kitty:
Nothing, its just we can get about this town so easily. I can’t imagine how terribly humiliated Bobby must be with that *****.

Ext. Nightclub

Bobby is waiting outside a nightclub, pacing up and down past the door, looking in occasionally

Int. Nightclub

We cut to Emma Frost in front of 3 large guy’s by a pool table, each of them looking at Emma doing different poses relating to each word she say’s

Emma:
Tall…um…has a large build…um, wears read sunglasses…have you seen him?

All 3 of the men shake there heads slowly, looking at Emma like she’s a freak. A man walks up behind Emma and places his hand on her shoulder.

Man:
Hey cutie! You don’t have to try and turn on boy’s I know someone you can set you up with work?

Emma:
What? Are you suggesting that I am?

Man:
Well aren’t you?

Emma:
Oh god no. Im not an unemployed scrounger

Man:
So you’re not a hooker?

Emma looks shocked and appalled

Emma:
How dare you even think I would even consider being that!

Emma turns her first into diamonds and grabs the man’s hand on her shoulder and crushes it. The man is sent to the floor in pain and screaming. She turns around but is sprayed in the face with pepper spray by one of the 3 men. She is thrown back and clutches her eyes. The other 2 men grab her arms and hold them out. The 3rd man takes out a knife and holds it to her throat. Emma is in fear. We see a P.O.V of Emma and it is blurred vision, but we can make out the man and the knife

Man with knife:
Im going to teach this mutant ***** a lesson in manners

He is about to cut deep but something draw’s his gaze.

Bobby (off-screen):
You two need to cool off

We cut to a behind shot of the man threatening Emma and we see the 2 men holding Emma have frozen. Bobby comes in fully Iced up.

Bobby:
And I'm gonna teach you how to respect a Lady!

Emma (dazed):
Ice-man?

Bobby (quiet, deadly tone of voice):
Let. Her. Go

The only man left drops his knife in horror, stares at his 2 frozen buddy’s and runs off

Bobby smirks and takes hold of Emma and walks out

Ext. Nightclub

Bobby and Emma walk out, Bobby de-ices

Emma (almost in tears):
You didn't have to do that. I could have protected myself by changing into my other form

Bobby:
You didn't look like you could protect yourself, so I thought I'd save you the trouble…What the hell happened in there?

Emma just starts crying and hugs Bobby tight while crying on his shoulder.

Emma:
Thank you Bobby…Thank…

Emma continues to cry

Bobby:
Shh…it’s ok


Ext. City

We cut to the city with Rogue and Gambit walking through it.

Rogue:
How does that green skinned thing get so big eating food like that? It boggles the mind

Gambit:
It’s best not to think about it, pretty lady.

Rogue:
How do you expect to pay for the food?

Gambit:
I got my share of ideas

Gambit bumps into a woman dressed in a fur coat.

Gambit:
Sorry ma’am

Gambit walk’s further and show’s Rogue a wallet.

Rogue:
Did you just steal that from her?

Gambit:
Of course I did.

Rogue:
Why?

Gambit:
It’s how we get by. Morlocks is a thief’s guild, surely you must know.

Rogue:
No! What makes you think I want anything to do with crime? Or this so called guild for that matter.

Gambit:
You didn’t think twice about stealing from that dreaded shop keeper. I considered you ripe for us.

Rogue:
I was desperate!

Gambit:
Are you not desperate now?

Rogue starts to think for a minute

Gambit:
Look, it’s your call, if you want to starve, I’ll return this now.

Gambit starts walking back to the woman. But Rogue stops him

Rogue:
Wait. Ok but just this once. After that I’m returning to my real home. I don’t want to steal to get by in life

Gambit:
I understand Cherie. Well I enjoyed hanging out with you. See you around young lady.

Gambit hands her the wallet and walks off.

Rogue:
You can come back with me.

Gambit stops. He turns around and looks back at Rogue

Gambit:
Are you certain about that?

Rogue:
Why not, you’re nice enough.

Gambit cracks a faint smile

Gambit:
It’s in my nature. So where is this home of yours?

Rogue:
It’s the Xavier Institute. It’s in Westchester.

Gambit:
How in god’s love do you expect to get to Westchester?

Rogue:
I’m sure you’ve got your share of ideas.

Gambit gives of a faint laugh.

Rogue:
Come on, im hungry.


Ext: Messy City.

We cut to a shot of a rooftop. From the side of the frame we see Beast jumping in with a huge growl. The camera follows him round and behind him Nightcrawler summersaults onto the roof. Beast lands in a gargoyle pose and proceeds to turn to Nightcrawler.

Beast:
So, any idea’s on how to find this guy

Nightcrawler:
None at all.

Beast:
How are we meant to find him in a city this big?

Nightcrawler:
Cant you just, um….sniff him out?

Beast looks at Nightcrawler in a weird way

Nightcrawler:
Im sorry, I just thought…

Beast:
My friend, although my olfactory senses are almost equivalent to that of a bloodhound, I'm afraid that in a city of this size and without a trail to start from, my ability to locate Cyclops is rather limited

Nightcrawler:
Your vocabulary knows no bounds does it old Herr Beast?

Beast:
You have no idea how much I dislike that name

Ext: Alleyway

We cut to Emma in tears and Bobby holding her as they travel down an alleyway.

Bobby:
Can you at least describe what happened?

Emma (in tears):
It was horrible…I…they thought I was a hooker

Emma continues to cry onto Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby starts to stoke Emma’s hair and proceeds to the back. Emma responds by doing the same action. Bobby lifts her head up and stares into her eyes. Emma looks into his eyes and smiles. He moves in for a kiss but Emma moves away in shock

Emma:
What are you doing?

Bobby:
I was just.... I was... um..

Emma:
WHAT?

Emma pushes Bobby away

Bobby:
What? I thought you wanted to be with me

Emma:
I was just doing that to make your ex jealous

Bobby (looking sad):
I see

Emma:
Bobby, I appreciate your advances and signs of affection towards me and I realize how attractive you find me, but this is hardly the time and place to start a relationship. Besides, it wouldn't work anyways. You're a little young for me

Bobby:
Ok I understand. Let’s continue to look

Emma has a guilty look on her face, almost sympathetic but shrugs it off and follows Bobby

[Deep Thinkin'!]

very interesting. keep it up :)

[The Ones]

very interesting. keep it up :)

Writing the next part now

[TKing]

Writing the next part now

Can't wait.:)

[Sagittarius1]

Comments? Advice? Thoughts?

Do you like it? Should i continue?


whatever you do, don't forget the emphasis the mutant prejudice and
persecution.

remember that the Xmen is unique, dramatic and much more than a pure superhero, special effects film.

:wolverine

[Trevor Goodchild]

Whatever review I write always turns out bitter than I originally intend.
So please don’t take it personally, if the following seems cold to you:
I enjoyed the start, especially with Scott. But so far the story has been moving towards the sole purpose to get every old and new character (re)introduced and joining the bunch. There are some good emotional moments like with Kitty and Piotor and some character development but mostly a lot of small talk and little activity. I believe it’s time for some real action already.
The pace reminds me that of X3’s and in my opinion you’re doing the same mistake of introducing significant characters from the X-Men universe and giving them small background roles just like the last movie did.
I’m sure you plan to give everyone enough screen time later on but the real trick is to introduce enough of each one from the get go, so no one feels left out.
Overall, you’re pretty good. I like you’re dialogue.
But remember, there's nothing more annoying than a character explaining his own thoughts, actions and plot points. Sometimes it's better to let actions speak for themselves.
I honestly can’t wait to read more.

[flavio_lebeau]

i like that gambit/rogue talk :up:

[storm-x-fan]

Wow great!!

[The Ones]

Decided to start writing this again, very short part but ive just started. Expect more soon:


Int. Waterlogged cave

We see a rat scurry past, the sound of the thin water beneath its feet echo’s through the cave. The rat stops and nibbles at a piece of mouldy food. 2 black eyes come into focus in the background, scrutinising the rat. It becomes clear it’s Sabretooth. A large pink tongue swoops in off screen and lifts the rat up surprising Sabretooth We cut to Toad who has his Tongue extended, reeling in the rat. The rat helplessly lands in his mouth and Toad starts to chew. The sounds of blood and bones cracking can be heard.

Sabretooth:
Will you stop doing that?

Toad:
Sorry, missed lunch

We cut to Quicksilver sitting next to Wanda, who is obviously disgusted

Quicksilver:
Todd, none of us have anything to eat. Stop thinking about your self for a while

Wanda:
Pietro stop it…

Quicksilver:
Why? We all know what the problem is. Its that prick Remy LeBeau. Forcing us to stay down here like rats, making a mockery of our existence!

Avalanche:
Gambit is the best chance we got of survival.

Quicksilver:
Do you really want to carry on living here Dominic? Enduring the constant smell of dead rats and annoying Toad’s.

Sabretooth:
What are you suggesting?

Quicksilver:
I may know someone who can help us…

Sabretooth:
Who?

Quicksilver:
It’s not someone I know personally, but, they’re related to me

Wanda’s eyes widen

Wanda:
Quicksilver, don’t even think about it, you remember what he did to us.

Quicksilver:
Yes, but now we don’t have to fear him any more

Avalanche:
We’ve been down here for 3 months Pietro and now you decide to mention it now?

Quicksilver:
Gambit promised us solitude. I was foolish enough to believe him.

Quicksilver looks to Wanda

Quicksilver:
Now its time to find an old enemy of ours