Marriage question

[Dick's Head]

Yo Hype, long time no see. How've you been?

So, I've been married now for over a year, and have been with her for over 2. My longest (and obviously best) relationship (I'm 28). I've absolutely never strayed from her since we've been together. Period. Never made physical contact with any another girl and I've rarely even been flirty.

I love my wife, I have no doubts about that. The way I look at it, I traded having several meaningless girls who I don't care if I see again for having one great girl who I truly enjoy having around.

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?

[redmarvel]

As long as your libido is active, the desire is always there. Often I will look at a handsome man and wonder what it would be like. When this happens I think of all the things I would lose were I to let temptation sway me. (You may say to yourself, "my partner would never know" but you yourself would know and it would colour your entire relationship from that point forward. Eventually your partner would feel the difference and you would probably lose them and everything you have built together)

As you get older, your libido will become less active. However, I believe that it never disappears entirely (otherwise how would you explain those 70/80 year old men that marry 20 year old women).

[War Lord]

Yo Hype, long time no see. How've you been?

So, I've been married now for over a year, and have been with her for over 2. My longest (and obviously best) relationship (I'm 28). I've absolutely never strayed from her since we've been together. Period. Never made physical contact with any another girl and I've rarely even been flirty.

I love my wife, I have no doubts about that. The way I look at it, I traded having several meaningless girls who I don't care if I see again for having one great girl who I truly enjoy having around.

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?

The more you resist your impulses, the easier it is to control your desire and behaviour.

[War Lord]

As long as your libido is active, the desire is always there. Often I will look at a handsome man and wonder what it would be like. When this happens I think of all the things I would lose were I to let temptation sway me. (You may say to yourself, "my partner would never know" but you yourself would know and it would colour your entire relationship from that point forward. Eventually your partner would feel the difference and you would probably lose them and everything you have built together)

As you get older, your libido will become less active. However, I believe that it never disappears entirely (otherwise how would you explain those 70/80 year old men that marry 20 year old women).

The 20 year olds can do the work.

[Erzengel]

I don't think there's anything wrong about wondering about the grass being greener on the other side. But it's always what you are willing to risk, is one worth more than the other?

[Ronny Shade]

Why would you get married when you can skeez and philander through your late 40s?

[War Lord]

Why would you get married when you can skeez and philander through your late 40s?

Yeah, you don't need to be married to pay child support.

[Peter_Porker]

Yo Hype, long time no see. How've you been?

So, I've been married now for over a year, and have been with her for over 2. My longest (and obviously best) relationship (I'm 28). I've absolutely never strayed from her since we've been together. Period. Never made physical contact with any another girl and I've rarely even been flirty.

I love my wife, I have no doubts about that. The way I look at it, I traded having several meaningless girls who I don't care if I see again for having one great girl who I truly enjoy having around.

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?

I have been married for about 4 years now, and that hunger never seems to go away for me, but I focus it on her, and make her feel wanted more, and perhaps bring costumes or something new into the bedroom with you, spice it up.

You'll be fine!!!!

[Erzengel]

I have been married for about 4 years now, and that hunger never seems to go away for me, but I focus it on her, and make her feel wanted more, and perhaps bring costumes or something new into the bedroom with you, spice it up.

You'll be fine!!!!

Exactly.
http://static.flickr.com/33/58389667_9b47607a2e_m.jpg

[Zaed]

It doesnt get any easier but if you "Walk the Line" as Cash put it you will be fine.

[Wilhelm-Scream]

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?Yes, right around the time your life is almost over anyway,...79, 80...

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Exactly.
http://static.flickr.com/33/58389667_9b47607a2e_m.jpgW00, that is a little spicy.

[fatboy31]

I've been with the same woman for 12 years now. Sometimes the urge to explorer is there, sometimes it is not. It's hard to explain really. I think the main thing is how much will power do you have...

[amazingfantasy15]

I am the only one that thought of the scene in Old School where Will Ferrell's in the marriage counsoler's office reading this thread?

[Erzengel]

W00, that is a little spicy.

http://www.mogulskiclub.com/images/Wolf__Riding_Hood4.jpg

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Th^t is the key to a long, successful marriage alright.

[Alpha and Omega]

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?

When you get those little urges (and you do since you obviously made a thread about them, and what to do if they never go away), sing 'My Cherie Amour' to yourself 3x:

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

My Cherie Amour, lovely as a summer's day
My Cherie Amour, distant as the Milky Way
My Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street
I've been near you, but you never notice me
My Cherie Amour, won't you tell me how could you ignore
That behind that little smile I wore
How I wish that you were mine

Maybe someday you'll see my face among the crowd
Maybe someday I'll share your little distant cloud
Oh, Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore
You're the only girl my heart beats for
How I wish that you were mine

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

Once you've done that, will they go away?

Hell if I know, but I just want you to make a thread about what happened when you did it, and how (she / they) responded.

Best of luck to you anyways.:up:

[Rambo, John J]

I am the only one that thought of the scene in Old School where Will Ferrell's in the marriage counsoler's office reading this thread?

First thing I thought of.

'Maybe they're something that i've never even heard of... wha...? are... are we not in the trust tree anymore...?'

[November Rain]

why am i like the only male that grows more attractive to someone the older they get...

:o

not that i find there's anything wrong with cheating but i couldn't see myself doing it because the drive to have a relationship with a partner just gets bigger and bigger and bigger....

[britrogue]

There was this guy that I had fancied for years. Ever since I was a kid! I had dreams of us growing up and getting married. But he was never interested in me. Then I married someone that I love with all of my heart, saw this guy in town, and he tried it on. It actually wasn't that hard to refuse, even though I was flattered and singing about it for weeks!
If you truly love someone, the temptation just isn't there. Hurting someone you love is just as bad as hurting yourself.

[PLAS]

when you love somebody it's really not that difficult to let those lusty moments sway away

and how come once you're in a stable relationship all the women who hadn't given me the time of day before seem to find me more attractive?

I find that really funny

[Deathlok2001]

Yo Hype, long time no see. How've you been?

So, I've been married now for over a year, and have been with her for over 2. My longest (and obviously best) relationship (I'm 28). I've absolutely never strayed from her since we've been together. Period. Never made physical contact with any another girl and I've rarely even been flirty.

I love my wife, I have no doubts about that. The way I look at it, I traded having several meaningless girls who I don't care if I see again for having one great girl who I truly enjoy having around.

My question is: does it get any easier to not want to still have those several meaningless girls?

Those meaningless girls are always a potential source of menaingless, carefree, sex! :up::up::up::up:

[jaguarr]

I liken it to hamburgers versus prime rib. Sure, hamburgers are tempting but they're ultimately unsatisfying and lacking in the kind of nutrition I'm really needing. Particularly when I've got unlimited access to prime rib at home that I can prepare in a multitude of new and exciting ways to the point that I not only never get tired of it but I crave and savor it. And, yes, I just compared women to pieces of meat. I feel dirty. :(

jag

[Carter]

Well, dick head I can imagine that it will get more difficult over time.
As your wife grows older, there will always be attractive 20 year olds

[Deathlok2001]

attractive 20 year olds . sagging old bag of a wife!:up: :up: :up: :up: :up: :up:

[jaguarr]

attractive 20 year olds . sagging old bag of a wife!:up: :up: :up: :up: :up: :up:

Even though you have a closet full of dresses, you don't even live with a woman and have never been married. Pipe down. :)

jag

[Deathlok2001]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

[JLBats]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

Dude, we've seen your floor. No woman wants that. And why the **** would any woman want to steal your comics and IKEA furniture from you?:confused:

[MakeMineMarvel]

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.

[Carter]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

Well another reason is because you're a tranny:(

[jaguarr]

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.

:up:

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!
So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

[PLAS]

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.
totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates

[jaguarr]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

I think it's more likely that you're afraid of deep, lasting intimacy with a woman because not only do you want to BE a woman, but you also realize the very daunting task you face in finding a woman who will be understanding and supportive of your proclivities in fashion choices and having one live with you would put a severe cramp in your ability to play dress-up if she wasn't understanding of that part of who you are. There are women out there who will be understanding and supportive of that part of who you are without viewing it as a massive dent in your masculinity but they are few and far between and I think you are aware of that.

jag

[JLBats]

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

Ugh.

[jaguarr]

totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates

I'm of pretty much the same view. Common sense and some very open communication with your lady can work wonders, but whatever it takes to help you get there (including books) is more than perfectly okay.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates
Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.

[jaguarr]

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag

[PLAS]

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.
there really isn't a need for leadership roles or powerstruggles, when in a relationship, both parts are equal, one party might excell at some stuff and the other party at different stuff, sometimes it's her decision, sometimes it's his decision

respect, trust and friendship is the base for any loving relationship

takeany of those away and it all goes to fookland

[JLBats]

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag
there really isn't a need for leadership roles or powerstruggles, when in a relationship, both parts are equal, one party might excell at some stuff and the other party at different stuff, sometimes it's her decision, sometimes it's his decision

respect, trust and friendship is the base for any loving relationship

takeany of those away and it all goes to fookland

Agreed.

[jaguarr]

Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.

I dunno. I think the divorce rate is so high because people are too selfish and immature, get married for lust or money rather than love, and/or aren't willing to put the work into it to make it work so they give up when it doesn't come easy (which is a symptom of our Disposable Society where everything is about instant gratification and everything is disposable from food wrappers to razors and even relationships). It's not necessarily that people LACK the skills to make relationships work (in some cases they do, but it's not a one size fits all diagnosis), it's that they lack the desire and committment to even use those skills to make their relationships work.

jag

[PLAS]

Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.
I find it easier and much cheaper to just talk, a long, honest, sincere conversation can help you more than you think

why use a book when both parts can read each other throughly?

comunication is the best way to make any relationship work, specially through the harder times

[MakeMineMarvel]

I find it easier and much cheaper to just talk, a long, honest, sincere conversation can help you more than you think

why use a book when both parts can read each other throughly?

comunication is the best way to make any relationship work, specially through the harder times
It's not like we read books in place of communication. We both read the same books and it allows us to have better communication, more detailed conversation and so on.

I love my wife enough that I continue to seek ways to improve on it. If you haven't ever read the books I'm talking about are you in a place to criticize the concept? Understand, I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm just simply asking the question.

[jaguarr]

It's not like we read books in place of communication. We both read the same books and it allows us to have better communication, more detailed conversation and so on.

I love my wife enough that I continue to seek ways to improve on it. If you haven't ever read the books I'm talking about are you in a place to criticize the concept? Understand, I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm just simply asking the question.

I think he's just saying that it's unnecessary for him in his relationships. Whatever it takes to enable you and your lady to have open, meaningful communication is the key, man. If that's both of you reading a book and using the concepts within to do that, more power to you. :up:

jag

[Deathlok2001]

I think it's more likely that you're afraid of deep, lasting intimacy with a woman because not only do you want to BE a woman, but you also realize the very daunting task you face in finding a woman who will be understanding and supportive of your proclivities in fashion choices and having one live with you would put a severe cramp in your ability to play dress-up if she wasn't understanding of that part of who you are. There are women out there who will be understanding and supportive of that part of who you are without viewing it as a massive dent in your masculinity but they are few and far between and I think you are aware of that.

jag

dude, my last gf was cool with it. I usually tell them within the 1st few months.... I am not going to waste my time with someone who is so closed minded as to not accept me. Thats just BS! life is too short.

[jaguarr]

dude, my last gf was cool with it. I usually tell them within the 1st few months.... I am not going to waste my time with someone who is so closed minded as to not accept me. Thats just BS! life is too short.

Did your last girlfriend LIVE with you, though? Did you get dressed up together? Did you talk about getting married?

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag
You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.

[jaguarr]

You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.

I didn't misunderstand what you meant by leadership, man.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

I dunno. I think the divorce rate is so high because people are too selfish and immature, get married for lust or money rather than love, and/or aren't willing to put the work into it to make it work so they give up when it doesn't come easy (which is a symptom of our Disposable Society where everything is about instant gratification and everything is disposable from food wrappers to razors and even relationships). It's not necessarily that people LACK the skills to make relationships work (in some cases they do, but it's not a one size fits all diagnosis), it's that they lack the desire and committment to even use those skills to make their relationships work.

jag
If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.

[PLAS]

You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.
if that works for you two, and nobody gets hurt or any bedroom related third degree burns in the process, then power to you both

[Deathlok2001]

Did your last girlfriend LIVE with you, though? Did you get dressed up together? Did you talk about getting married?

jag

Yes, we did talk about getting married. I use to spend the weekends at her place or she at my place. A few times, I got her to go shopping for a nice womens "London Fog" coat for me! I took her panty shopping. I always encouraged her to shop & try stuff on whenever we were in a mall. :up:

[MakeMineMarvel]

I think he's just saying that it's unnecessary for him in his relationships. Whatever it takes to enable you and your lady to have open, meaningful communication is the key, man. If that's both of you reading a book and using the concepts within to do that, more power to you. :up:

jag
I understand. I'm just saying as good as a relationship is, why would someone turn away potential improvement. My wife and I have had a great relationship for the last couple of years but we still work on improving it in any way available. Reading or relationship workshops or whatever one does to strengthen a relationship isn't just for when the relationship is in trouble. Every little bit helps.

[MakeMineMarvel]

Hey, either way - it's good to know there are some guys on here with normally functioning, healthy relationships.

[jaguarr]

If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.

So, here's where I'm coming from on this. Each relationship, and the people involved in them, are different. Different things are going to be helpful in making things work. For some people, they have that capacity and those skills (not to mention the committment, communication, love and desire to make it work). For others, they need counseling from a professional or from their clergyman or whatever. For others, they need books. And those are all great tools and approaches, and there are many more out there. NONE of them are invalid if they work for the people using them. But there is no one size fits all solution. However, there are some people are NEVER going to get it, no matter how many books they read. No matter how much counseling they get. No matter how they've been taught by their parents. They'll just never have the maturity or personal committment to stay in a long-term relationship with another human being. It's in their nature.

jag

[PLAS]

If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.
we didn't neeed books, we both came from failed marriges, and decided to not do what was wrong the first time, it has worked like a charm

of course, it the fact that we were friends even before we both had our marriges and knew each other pretty well, which made a really solid foundation for our relationship as a couple much later helped

the only books we share are our comics and novels we buy

[Deathlok2001]

You do know that the more times a person is divorced, the higher the probability that their next marriage will fail. ( Stats)

[jaguarr]

Yes, we did talk about getting married. I use to spend the weekends at her place or she at my place. A few times, I got her to go shopping for a nice womens "London Fog" coat for me! I took her panty shopping. I always encouraged her to shop & try stuff on whenever we were in a mall. :up:

Until you've lived full time with a woman for an extended period or been married, then you probably ought to just be quiet, then. No offense, but people without this experience lack perspective on this topic (and, yeah, I used to think that was bull**** too until I got married). But staying with each other on the weekends isn't the same at all. Sorry.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

So, here's where I'm coming from on this. Each relationship, and the people involved in them, are different. Different things are going to be helpful in making things work. For some people, they have that capacity and those skills (not to mention the committment, communication, love and desire to make it work). For others, they need counseling from a professional or from their clergyman or whatever. For others, they need books. And those are all great tools and approaches, and there are many more out there. NONE of them are invalid if they work for the people using them. But there is no one size fits all solution. However, there are some people are NEVER going to get it, no matter how many books they read. No matter how much counseling they get. No matter how they've been taught by their parents. They'll just never have the maturity or personal committment to stay in a long-term relationship with another human being. It's in their nature.

jag
I agree with that for sure. A lot of that stems from problems in their home life when they were kids.

[MakeMineMarvel]

we didn't neeed books, we both came from failed marriges, and decided to not do what was wrong the first time, it has worked like a charm

of course, it the fact that we were friends even before we both had our marriges and knew each other pretty well, which made a really solid foundation for our relationship as a couple much later helped

the only books we share are our comics and novels we buy
I'm not telling you are anyone else you need books or anything else. All I said was it never hurts to find even more ways to improve. I'm not saying if you're married, you better read a book on relationships. Plenty of people have had long marriages that never read a book. I do however, think it would help more people that aren't as blessed as you are. I don't think that's deniable. I also think that without actually ever reading a book like Tender Warrior or Five Love Languages, it's tough for someone to pass judgement on them.

[jaguarr]

I agree with that for sure. A lot of that stems from problems in their home life when they were kids.

I don't even know about that. I'll give you an example. I have a buddy who grew up in a really stable, happy home. His parents are very cool people and by his admission and his siblings, they were fantastic parents who taught them life lessons, disciplined them when appropriate, taught them responsbility, etc. They're a very close family to this day. His brother and sister are both really well adjusted people in lasting marriages. He's the biggest womanizer I have EVER met. It's just in his nature.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Until you've lived full time with a woman for an extended period or been married, then you probably ought to just be quiet, then. No offense, but people without this experience lack perspective on this topic (and, yeah, I used to think that was bull**** too until I got married). But staying with each other on the weekends isn't the same at all. Sorry.

jag
Jag, you probalby know this too - just living with someone for an extended period of time is a lot different then being married.

[jaguarr]

Jag, you probalby know this too - just living with someone for an extended period of time is a lot different then being married.

True, but it still gives more perspective on partly what marriage is like than sleeping over at each other's houses on weekends.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

I don't even know about that. I'll give you an example. I have a buddy who grew up in a really stable, happy home. His parents are very cool people and by his admission and his siblings, they were fantastic parents who taught them life lessons, disciplined them when appropriate, taught them responsbility, etc. They're a very close family to this day. His brother and sister are both really well adjusted people in lasting marriages. He's the biggest womanizer I have EVER met. It's just in his nature.

jag
Yeah, I was going to add associations to homelife, but I hit submit and the responses on here are pretty quick. Being a womanizer is a learned behavior.

[jaguarr]

Yeah, I was going to add associations to homelife, but I hit submit and the responses on here are pretty quick. Being a womanizer is a learned behavior.

The interesting thing is that his family is at a loss as to where he made the decision to be a womanizer (i.e. where did he learn it from). None of his other friends are like that. His family isn't. It's pretty deviant from his surrounding environment and life experierience.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

He picked it up somewhere or he was hurt somewhere early that pushed him that way.

[War Lord]

why am i like the only male that grows more attractive to someone the older they get...

Because you have a complex about your mom.

[War Lord]

Dude, we've seen your floor. No woman wants that. And why the **** would any woman want to steal your comics and IKEA furniture from you?:confused:

He has a Death of Superman in mint and it's worth $75.