*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[aaron]

im kidding id guess its slight a boredom mixed with an increasing interest in you

[Erzengel]

Yes. :o



I thought about using it as a conversation starter, but I was still pretty embarrassed. I did ask him if he liked how his thumbnails turned out, he said "kinda". I said I thought mine sucked and we both laughed a bit. That's all we really said about it. We did talk about our weekends at the beginning of class, though. He said he had a fun weekend hanging out with his buddies. I teased him saying "I hope you didn't get into too much trouble". He smirked.

Oh, quick question. There's a guy in my government class that always talks to me. If he missed something the teacher said, he asks me what he said. If he can't see something on the board, he asks me what it says. The teacher turned off the lights to put something on the overhead projector today. I hear him call my name and turn as the teacher turns the lights back on and see the guy I'm talking about trying to shine a light from his keychain at me. He frowned and said "Aww. He turned the lights back on." Now, I've heard that if a guy makes a large effort to talk to a girl, it means he likes her. I was curious if that was the case here. It seems to me to be just coincidental because I sit near him, but I could be wrong.
Don't try and read too much into everything anyone does. I think that is one of your problems, you tend to read too much into the most innocent of gestures.

Oh, he touched his hat, not once, not twice, but thrice, he must like me. Sometimes you have to take things at face value. Maybe he just likes you as a classmate and enjoys talking to you. :huh:

[JLBats]

Definitely a troubling habit.

[Angel_Faerie]

Don't try and read too much into everything anyone does. I think that is one of your problems, you tend to read too much into the most innocent of gestures.

Oh, he touched his hat, not once, not twice, but thrice, he must like me. Sometimes you have to take things at face value. Maybe he just likes you as a classmate and enjoys talking to you. :huh:

I was just curious about that thing I heard about a boy making an effort to talk to a girl is a sign he likes her. Like I said, I'm in the skeptic club too. I think he's just being a friendly classmate. I just wanted to hear the words of the wise on the subject.

[Savage]

It COULD be that he likes you but you never know until you talk with him some more and see where it goes.

While in an ideal world everybody flat out says how they feel, a lot of people (myself included) tend to be too shy to do that so they do little things like that to get your attention and start something.

[Angel_Faerie]

I hope I didn't just make a mistake...

Drawing Class Guy was trying to tell me something today, but I couldn't hear him for the life of me. People were talking unnaturally loudly and there was a really loud buzzing noise (think it was coming from the dishwasher. Class is in the kitchen because the art room is taken that hour for Pottery). It really irritated me. I didn't want something like this to happen again, so I gave him a note (I know, don't tell me, notes aren't good, but what was I supposed to do with all the noise? He wouldn't have been able to hear what I said!) that gave him my E-Mail address if he had MSN Messenger and wanted to talk outside of class. Did I screw up really badly? Did I just doom yet another guy situation with me?

[JLBats]

HOLY CRAP.

Buy into Erzengel's theory^

You are WAYYYYY overthinking this.
You seem to think of it, also, bewilderingly, as a game of OPERATION!:confused:

"A carefully placed hello in the halls, a little maneouvre here, uh oh, I gave him my MSN address, touched the sides, and- ZAPPP!":o

Don't think of it as a game, because that is
reason numero UNO that you're gonna screw. it. up.
You're making these guys the object of a game, and you're
wayyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYyyyyy
overthinking it:csad:

Just look at it as:
"Hey, I wonder if this guy would be interesting for ME to get to know?"
And then go about trying to find out.

Don't go in with this idealized view of him.
Let HIM prove his worth to YOU.

Stop trying to manipulate him into liking you.
That's just CREEPY:huh:

[Angel_Faerie]

HOLY CRAP.

Buy into Erzengel's theory^

You are WAYYYYY overthinking this.
You seem to think of it, also, bewilderingly, as a game of OPERATION!:confused:

"A carefully placed hello in the halls, a little maneouvre here, uh oh, I gave him my MSN address, touched the sides, and- ZAPPP!":o

Don't think of it as a game, because that is
reason numero UNO that you're gonna screw. it. up.
You're making these guys the object of a game, and you're
wayyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYyyyyy
overthinking it:csad:

Just look at it as:
"Hey, I wonder if this guy would be interesting for ME to get to know?"
And then go about trying to find out.

Don't go in with this idealized view of him.
Let HIM prove his worth to YOU.

Stop trying to manipulate him into liking you.
That's just CREEPY:huh:

I guess I kind of do think of it as a game of Operation, because in the past, a guy would find out I liked him and he would avoid me from then on. So I'm afraid to take a single wrong step because I don't want guys to avoid me. I don't wanna go too fast and freak him out.

I usually overthink everything in my life. I double and even triple guess myself because I'm afraid of failure. Guess that applies to guys too.

I don't have an idealized version of him. At least not that I can see. I certainly don't think he's absolutely perfect, as I thought Colter was way back when.

I'm not trying to manipulate him into liking me. I'd just like to take things nice and slow so he and I can get to know one another better. I want to get to know him, and I hope he wants to get to know me.

[JLBats]

But all your attitude says that you feel unworthy of him. And that's not good.
Don't worry about it. Stop being so invested in finding a boyfriend, because,
you're sabotaging yourself.

A while back I was in love with a girl for MONTHS.
And I extra-curricularly pursued this girl pretty much into hell, because I never got that some people just don't SPARK.

When that person comes along, then he's not going to be
turned off by finding out you like him. And it's not going to be like trying to navigate Mario to the end of Bowser's castle, because you won't HAVE to be totally self-conscious about everything you say to him.
Besides, guys'll like you way better if you're just free and real and you and not obsessing over every minute detail and trying to project an image.

Just BE.
Don't strive.

[Angel_Faerie]

But all your attitude says that you feel unworthy of him. And that's not good.
Don't worry about it. Stop being so invested in finding a boyfriend, because,
you're sabotaging yourself.

A while back I was in love with a girl for MONTHS.
And I extra-curricularly pursued this girl pretty much into hell, because I never got that some people just don't SPARK.

When that person comes along, then he's not going to be
turned off by finding out you like him. And it's not going to be like trying to navigate Mario to the end of Bowser's castle, because you won't HAVE to be totally self-conscious about everything you say to him.
Besides, guys'll like you way better if you're just free and real and you and not obsessing over every minute detail and trying to project an image.

Just BE.
Don't strive.

I do feel unworthy. Of him, or any boy. I feel like I'm a freakish looking girl who no one should waste their time on. I've been told almost every school day since I was 5 years old that I'm ugly, stupid, and worthless. It's hard to not believe something you're told so many times by so many people. I want to believe I'm pretty, smart, and worth something, but it's hard to. Recently I've been gaining self-confidence, but I can't seem to maintain it. Just when I finally start feeling alright about myself, something happens that makes me feel like everything bad that people said about me is true. No matter how many times people call me pretty, I have a hard time believing it because more people have called me ugly.

It's hard to stop investing in finding a boyfriend when I've done so every day since I was 9 years old. It doesn't seem right that after all these years I've never had a serious relationship. I feel like there must be something wrong with me that is keeping boys away. I'm so worried that someone special for me will never turn up. That I'm meant to spend the entire rest of my life in solitude. I know it's unlikely, but it just feels like it's true. I see couples at school every day who look so in love and I'm so jealous of them, because they have something I've wanted half my life.

[JLBats]

Don't feel that way. It took me 'til post-high school to find someone who appreciated me for WHO I AM. And when she did, it never felt like I had to bargain for her love. Because that's not how it is. They do or they don't.

Work on yourself for now. Say that you're going to take a 1 year vacation from looking for someone. Ironically, that's probably the period when someone's actually gonna start liking you. But nobody is going to want to be with someone who doesn't feel they deserve it.

SO that's your task. Forget about the boyfriend thing for now, because as much as this probably sounds bizarre right now, it's NO BIG DEAL, and work on recognizing yourself for the eloquent, intelligent, worthwhile young woman you are.

:)

[Erzengel]

See? This is what I've been saying. I said, you have to be happy with yourself and you go on to say this:

I do feel unworthy. Of him, or any boy. I feel like I'm a freakish looking girl who no one should waste their time on. I've been told almost every school day since I was 5 years old that I'm ugly, stupid, and worthless. It's hard to not believe something you're told so many times by so many people. I want to believe I'm pretty, smart, and worth something, but it's hard to. Recently I've been gaining self-confidence, but I can't seem to maintain it. Just when I finally start feeling alright about myself, something happens that makes me feel like everything bad that people said about me is true. No matter how many times people call me pretty, I have a hard time believing it because more people have called me ugly.

You aren't happy with yourself. You seem to feel that getting a boyfriend would finally discount all those past insecurities. It's not going to. You have to be happy with who you are first. And most people, women and men, dig self confidence. It's attractive and people are attracted to that even if you aren't the definition of a supermodel.


It's hard to stop investing in finding a boyfriend when I've done so every day since I was 9 years old. It doesn't seem right that after all these years I've never had a serious relationship. I feel like there must be something wrong with me that is keeping boys away. I'm so worried that someone special for me will never turn up. That I'm meant to spend the entire rest of my life in solitude. I know it's unlikely, but it just feels like it's true. I see couples at school every day who look so in love and I'm so jealous of them, because they have something I've wanted half my life.

This is your other problem. You are on "HIGH BOYFRIEND ALERT". Any boy who gives you the slightest bit of attention, whether they are just talking to you or even asking you what did the teacher say, you equate to them liking you, and then you automatically like them and start thinking how you can go on a date with him.

You are rushing the process. Stop. You have to let it all play out. If a boy is talking to you, take it for what it's worth. Try just being "friends" with some of these guys first. You seem to know very little of any boy you start liking. Get to know them. Let them get to know you and go from there.

Stop trying to feel like you need a boyfriend to justify your existence. You don't especially right now. If your only reason to get a boyfriend is because everyone else has or had one, that's not a great excuse. Getting a boyfriend should be, wow this guy is so amazing, yadda, yadda, yadda, I wish he would ask me out. Not, some guy in my class complimented me on my artwork, he should be my boyfriend.

[AndThePickles]

Very much agree with Erz and JLBats. Once you're happy with yourself and stop searching desperately for a man, one will come to you. It will also probably only happen once you're out of high school. High school is full of immature boys who are looking to ****, not to build some loving relationship (generalization, yes, but a fairly accurate way to think of high school boys overall). Also, people can usually tell when you're desperate, and that's why that scares the guys aware. Learn to be confident in yourself!

[November Rain]

Call me a pessimist but until Angel kinda reaches rock bottom and pulls her own self up, I doubt she's really going to take in any of those pieces of advice.

in any case as a woman, she should generally just get on and let herself be chased, ladies have enough problems without having to worry about things like this.

she also has to switch priorities and have the right person for her come looking rather than the other way round.

in short, it'll all iron itself out by the time you're 30, max.

[The Batman]

Call me a pessimist but until Angel kinda reaches rock bottom and pulls her own self up, I doubt she's really going to take in any of those pieces of advice.

in any case as a woman, she should generally just get on and let herself be chased, ladies have enough problems without having to worry about things like this.

she also has to switch priorities and have the right person for her come looking rather than the other way round.

in short, it'll all iron itself out by the time you're 30, max.

Bingo...no offense, but we all saw how the colter thing panned out...like i mentioned way back in this thread, people ask for help, you give advice, and then they discard them, sadly...unfortunately, the only advice giver people will listen to 100% is named experience

[JLBats]

Bingo...no offense, but we all saw how the colter thing panned out...

I don't:dry:

[kainedamo]

There are no girls in my new college course.


Well, okay, there are. In a group of about 20 or more people, there are maybe five girls. Only two of whom could be considered cute. And even then, the whole lot of them look soooooooooo young. I'm 24, I'm one of the older people in this course. I think some of these people are only just out of school, which would put the youngest at around 17.

Statistics seem to be against me.

[strikezone89]

okay well here's my story.

Me and my girlfriend of about 9 months broke up about 2 weeks ago. We went through many experiences together and i mean we almost had a baby (we had an abortion cause it was deformed and the docs recommend the abortion cause she could have gotten sick while pregnant) anyways she comes out of the blue and decides we need to split up cause things just were not working and honestly she was right. I started becoming somewhat controlling and we argued many times over people she would hang out with....But i still love her and she says she still loves me. I saw her last night and tried to get back with her and she didn't want to saying things were different but she still loved me and she started to kiss me and i reluctantly pulled away. so i called her and she said she is starting to have feelings for her friend that i always told her not to hang around with because he liked her and i thought it was wrong for them to be around each other. this guy is the reason basically why we broke up and now i don't know what to do. I can't think of my life without my girl and i actually had half of an engagement ring paid for that i was going to give to her at xmas. i honetly broke down last night after talking to her cause i dont know what life is without her and i want my future to have her in it.
any advice and thanks

[amazingfantasy15]

okay well here's my story.

Me and my girlfriend of about 9 months broke up about 2 weeks ago. We went through many experiences together and i mean we almost had a baby (we had an abortion cause it was deformed and the docs recommend the abortion cause she could have gotten sick while pregnant) anyways she comes out of the blue and decides we need to split up cause things just were not working and honestly she was right. I started becoming somewhat controlling and we argued many times over people she would hang out with....But i still love her and she says she still loves me. I saw her last night and tried to get back with her and she didn't want to saying things were different but she still loved me and she started to kiss me and i reluctantly pulled away. so i called her and she said she is starting to have feelings for her friend that i always told her not to hang around with because he liked her and i thought it was wrong for them to be around each other. this guy is the reason basically why we broke up and now i don't know what to do. I can't think of my life without my girl and i actually had half of an engagement ring paid for that i was going to give to her at xmas. i honetly broke down last night after talking to her cause i dont know what life is without her and i want my future to have her in it.
any advice and thanks

Well, sorry to say but you've probably lost her. Not only that you're actions of trying to forbid her from seeing this friend is probably why she's developing feelings for him. I'd say take that engagement ring money and have one hell of a weekend, booze, drugs, hookers, the works.

[AndThePickles]

okay well here's my story.

Me and my girlfriend of about 9 months broke up about 2 weeks ago. We went through many experiences together and i mean we almost had a baby (we had an abortion cause it was deformed and the docs recommend the abortion cause she could have gotten sick while pregnant) anyways she comes out of the blue and decides we need to split up cause things just were not working and honestly she was right. I started becoming somewhat controlling and we argued many times over people she would hang out with....But i still love her and she says she still loves me. I saw her last night and tried to get back with her and she didn't want to saying things were different but she still loved me and she started to kiss me and i reluctantly pulled away. so i called her and she said she is starting to have feelings for her friend that i always told her not to hang around with because he liked her and i thought it was wrong for them to be around each other. this guy is the reason basically why we broke up and now i don't know what to do. I can't think of my life without my girl and i actually had half of an engagement ring paid for that i was going to give to her at xmas. i honetly broke down last night after talking to her cause i dont know what life is without her and i want my future to have her in it.
any advice and thanks

Honestly, it doesn't sound like things are going to work out for you two, unfortunately. It sounds as if she is ready to move on.

My advice would be to be more careful in the future. You two were not dating for very long, and it sounds like you had a lot of problems for dating for so short a time...and yet you were going to propose already? Marriage is a very serious commitment, so don't rush into it.

Relationships won't work without trust. Trying to control who your sig other hangs out with will only lead to the other person sneaking around.

[Erzengel]

okay well here's my story.

Me and my girlfriend of about 9 months broke up about 2 weeks ago. We went through many experiences together and i mean we almost had a baby (we had an abortion cause it was deformed and the docs recommend the abortion cause she could have gotten sick while pregnant) anyways she comes out of the blue and decides we need to split up cause things just were not working and honestly she was right. I started becoming somewhat controlling and we argued many times over people she would hang out with....But i still love her and she says she still loves me. I saw her last night and tried to get back with her and she didn't want to saying things were different but she still loved me and she started to kiss me and i reluctantly pulled away. so i called her and she said she is starting to have feelings for her friend that i always told her not to hang around with because he liked her and i thought it was wrong for them to be around each other. this guy is the reason basically why we broke up and now i don't know what to do. I can't think of my life without my girl and i actually had half of an engagement ring paid for that i was going to give to her at xmas. i honetly broke down last night after talking to her cause i dont know what life is without her and i want my future to have her in it.
any advice and thanks

I'll be honest with you, 9 months regardless of how much you 2 have been through is not a lot of time to think about marriage when you're 19.

She's with another guy now and honestly, if he already liked her, I'm sure moves have already been put on your ex.

You might want to just chalk this up to experience and learn from it and next time don't be so controlling. However, I see where you were with the friends she hung out with. I wouldn't want my gf hanging out with a guy that liked her. But, it always takes 2 and it's not all the guy's fault. She still had a choice.

[amazingfantasy15]

I'll be honest with you, 9 months regardless of how much you 2 have been through is not a lot of time to think about marriage when you're 19.

She's with another guy now and honestly, if he already liked her, I'm sure moves have already been put on your ex.

You might want to just chalk this up to experience and learn from it and next time don't be so controlling. However, I see where you were with the friends she hung out with. I wouldn't want my gf hanging out with a guy that liked her. But, it always takes 2 and it's not all the guy's fault. She still had a choice.

That shouldn't be a problem, like you said it takes 2 and if you trust you girlfriend you should be okay with her having her own group of friends. Obviously strikezone didn't trust his girlfriend, that's a problem right there. Don't give the girl a ring if you can't trust her to keep it in her pants.

Is strikezone really 19? If so, dude don't even think about marriage right now. Get your education, start your career, then think about marriage, but only with a girl you can trust.

[JLBats]

Okay. Here goes.

At the beginning of summer I was coming out of a long period of depression... and I started talking to this girl. My self-image was so low it took me about a month to realized she, you know, liked me THAT way, and she kept dropping hints we should hang out, that her parents were going to be away that weekend, etcetera...

So, long story short, we cuddled on her couch to the Three's Company theme song, and quickly were in a relationship.

I wish it were uncomplicated from there.

You see, she'd been in a less than awesome relationship about a year earlier... the guy was an abusive nutcase and she went through the worst kind of hell with him. I was the first guy she'd trusted in a year. The idea that she could actually fall asleep in my arms was kind of stunning.

For most of July and August, things were great. Ideal. Her birthday came up, and I recalled her saying she wished she'd been alive to see the '60s and '70s and go to Woodstock, so I made her this box full of albums and DVDs and books of the period, and put little notes on everything for her... cheesy, yes, effective, also yes.

But then comes late August, and the other complicating factor. I was leaving, to move four hours away for school. So I guess that fact finally hit her, and we started having wayyyy too many freaked out 1 in the morning conversations about me leaving... eventually we decided we'd take a break from our relationship until I came home for Thanksgiving, but her uneasiness continued, and then she broke up with me. Despite all the warning signs, it still seemed sudden.

She wants to go to the same school as me in a year. And she assured me late one night while she was stoned (:down) that we would be together again when she is, that she still loves me and always will... etcetera:down

But now I'm a ****ing wreck. I've tried to distract myself, and it works usually quite well, but I find myself paranoiac, checking her Facebook several times a day, then checking her FRIENDS' Facebooks to see what's going on in her life. I feel like she's pushed me away to protect herself, but why do I have to get so hurt in the process? I was coming out of a depression, finally, when I met her, and now she's put me right back in and out of the middle of it.

Help me, Dr. Phil.

[Erzengel]

It's so much easier to jump ship when the chips are down. Two kids separating before they move far away from school? It's a very common story.

Course this also makes me question your "depression", were you depressed at all while you were with her? Maybe the cause of your depression before you met her was because of an isolation or lack of a gf, now that she's gone, it's back?

I'd like to hear more about your depression.

[AndThePickles]

I know it's cliche but- most relationships don't last once you get to college. It sucks, but it sounds like she made the smart choice for the both of you rather than do the whole "take a break and get back later" thing. I'm afraid you've fallen victim to summer love, my dear.

Stop checking her facebook and her friends' facebooks. It sounds like it's becoming an obsessive habit, and it's not healthy. I know things seem awful now, but you will meet so many new people in college. You should be enjoying dating around. Now is the time where you will be maturing and finding out who you are, and the first step is to move on and not sit there pining for a girl that you only dated for 3 months. Tell yourself that it was fun and a great learning experience.

It's immature of her to pull the "I'll always love you" line, because to be blunt, that's probably b.s. Your relationship was still in the heavy infatuation phase when you broke up.

I'm sorry if my advice isn't what you want to hear, but I'm truly hoping you will be able to move on and enjoy dating new people. You're young and starting a new chapter of your life...enjoy it! :heart:

[amazingfantasy15]

Okay. Here goes.

At the beginning of summer I was coming out of a long period of depression... and I started talking to this girl. My self-image was so low it took me about a month to realized she, you know, liked me THAT way, and she kept dropping hints we should hang out, that her parents were going to be away that weekend, etcetera...

So, long story short, we cuddled on her couch to the Three's Company theme song, and quickly were in a relationship.

I wish it were uncomplicated from there.

You see, she'd been in a less than awesome relationship about a year earlier... the guy was an abusive nutcase and she went through the worst kind of hell with him. I was the first guy she'd trusted in a year. The idea that she could actually fall asleep in my arms was kind of stunning.

For most of July and August, things were great. Ideal. Her birthday came up, and I recalled her saying she wished she'd been alive to see the '60s and '70s and go to Woodstock, so I made her this box full of albums and DVDs and books of the period, and put little notes on everything for her... cheesy, yes, effective, also yes.

But then comes late August, and the other complicating factor. I was leaving, to move four hours away for school. So I guess that fact finally hit her, and we started having wayyyy too many freaked out 1 in the morning conversations about me leaving... eventually we decided we'd take a break from our relationship until I came home for Thanksgiving, but her uneasiness continued, and then she broke up with me. Despite all the warning signs, it still seemed sudden.

She wants to go to the same school as me in a year. And she assured me late one night while she was stoned (:down) that we would be together again when she is, that she still loves me and always will... etcetera:down

But now I'm a ****ing wreck. I've tried to distract myself, and it works usually quite well, but I find myself paranoiac, checking her Facebook several times a day, then checking her FRIENDS' Facebooks to see what's going on in her life. I feel like she's pushed me away to protect herself, but why do I have to get so hurt in the process? I was coming out of a depression, finally, when I met her, and now she's put me right back in and out of the middle of it.

Help me, Dr. Phil.

This is gonna sound harsh, but don't feel like being too nice today.

First off, did you really think you'd stay with this girl when you two are living four hours away from each other? That's pretty foolish, this was only gonna be a summer romance and if you really thought it'd be more than that, you would've already had plans to come home for a visit.

Second, is this your first year in college? If so, look around you, there's plenty of girls all around, you don't have a girlfriend, go to some parties, have a good time, don't piss and moan about a girl four hours away. Meet new girls that aren't four hours away.

[AndThePickles]

Haha, amazingfantasy gave the blunt version of my advice :o He's right though, Bats. You will get through this more easily than you think, trust me. Most people have gone through what you did at some point.

[amazingfantasy15]

Haha, amazingfantasy gave the blunt version of my advice :o He's right though, Bats. You will get through this more easily than you think, trust me. Most people have gone through what you did at some point.

Saw a lot of people go through this when I was in college and it always ended the same way. Reason I didn't really date much during summer breaks, didn't want to get attached knowing by mid-August I'd be gone.

[JLBats]

It's so much easier to jump ship when the chips are down. Two kids separating before they move far away from school? It's a very common story.

Course this also makes me question your "depression", were you depressed at all while you were with her? Maybe the cause of your depression before you met her was because of an isolation or lack of a gf, now that she's gone, it's back?

I'd like to hear more about your depression.

It's been a long running thing for me. It became NOTICEABLY bad when my dad left a few years back, but it got PARTICULARLY bad all through my last year of high school... at the end of the year, I woke up the morning after a party, looked around at the sunrise, realized I'd survived and went "What now?" and for whatever reason, it was like something in me snapped. COLOURS looked different. I felt BETTER about the world, and started to loosen up and enjoy things. Following that, she came along.

So I don't attribute my emergence from that state to her at all. Whether or not you agree, I guess is up to you.

If you'd like me to describe what my depression felt like, I could probably talk for pages, because it's a subject I love to talk about.

Not 'cause I'm morbid, or obsessive, but because to me depression is not so much a ****ty time you go through, it's a foreign planet I occasionally get yanked to, and randomly wake up on, and I just have this interest in things which are foreign to me. It's a planet where colours look weird, nothing feels good, all my creative and artistic juices are sucked dry, everything is viewed through a thick hazy fog and there's this great anxiety constantly present. Everything gets too quiet or too loud. The simplest gesture makes me sure someone hates me or looks down upon me. And you don't want to get better, because if you do get better, it'll be a horrible lie to you. When I was at my worst, I became very inward and self-destructive.

I'm learning how to deal with it better... sometimes all I need is tons and tons of human contact and outside stimuli, and I start to feel better.

So no, I don't think it's attributable to girl angst. It's been a problem for me that's been on and off since childhood, and I've always had crowd anxiety and panic attack issues to compound it. BUT, I will give your theory this:

Perhaps THIS is not a genuine depression, so much as being bummed out because I broke up with someone I cared about. I guess brain chemical imbalances shouldn't swing so much over that. But the moment when we did break up was the first time I realized just how different my brain works when I'm depressed vs. a-okay, because it was such a distinct and sudden PLUNGE, and I fought it tooth and nail and distracted myself from the feeling, even though it was constant, and it got exhausting, but at that moment, to me, it was worth it.

The worst part of it is the feeling that moment to moment existence is taking for-****ing-ever, and is dull, useless and unworthy. "What a tedious existence" echoed through my head constantly for years, louder and louder and louder.

Besides, what is depression really but "a repetitive, restrictive loop of destructive thinking"?

That's what a doctor I went to talk to about all this told me once.

[JLBats]

And wow is the Hype! being bastardly glitchy today.

[Retro]

Just a quick question: How old is too old for a chick to be if the guy is 20?
I'm w/ a 25 year old now (she turns 26 in Dec.), we're awesome 2gether, but a lot of people think she's to old 4 me!?!?!
R they right or should we just say "screw 'em!"???

[kainedamo]

I'm bummed out that a girl I thought I was connecting with on the net hasn't contacted me in a couple of weeks :(

[Angel_Faerie]

See? This is what I've been saying. I said, you have to be happy with yourself and you go on to say this:



You aren't happy with yourself. You seem to feel that getting a boyfriend would finally discount all those past insecurities. It's not going to. You have to be happy with who you are first. And most people, women and men, dig self confidence. It's attractive and people are attracted to that even if you aren't the definition of a supermodel.



This is your other problem. You are on "HIGH BOYFRIEND ALERT". Any boy who gives you the slightest bit of attention, whether they are just talking to you or even asking you what did the teacher say, you equate to them liking you, and then you automatically like them and start thinking how you can go on a date with him.

You are rushing the process. Stop. You have to let it all play out. If a boy is talking to you, take it for what it's worth. Try just being "friends" with some of these guys first. You seem to know very little of any boy you start liking. Get to know them. Let them get to know you and go from there.

Stop trying to feel like you need a boyfriend to justify your existence. You don't especially right now. If your only reason to get a boyfriend is because everyone else has or had one, that's not a great excuse. Getting a boyfriend should be, wow this guy is so amazing, yadda, yadda, yadda, I wish he would ask me out. Not, some guy in my class complimented me on my artwork, he should be my boyfriend.

I was actually pretty happy with myself a couple months ago. I still had some insecurities, but on the whole I was alright with who I was. It was better than I had felt in quite a while. But then the whole thing with Ethan ("single all year" guy) lying to me and asking a girl to Homecoming happened and completely shattered what I had going. Part of me still had hope that he felt the way I do about him and was wondering if he was going to ask me. One of my friends said she thought he liked me also, so I wasn't alone in that train of thought. I'm not saying either of us was right, but at least I wasn't the only one thinking it this time. Almost every time I start gaining confidence in myself, something comes along to shatter it. It's like I keep building the foundation of a house, but a storm keeps coming and ripping the foundation to pieces. I still feel awful for slapping Ethan, though admittedly not as bad as I did shortly after it occurred. That's part of why I'm feeling undeserving of a boyfriend right now. Someone with a tendency toward violence probably shouldn't be in a relationship. I'm not saying I'm constantly angry and about to snap, but if I slapped a boy because he lied to me, what would I do to a boyfriend that breaks up with or cheats on me?

Like you said, having a boyfriend won't fix all of my problems, never said it would. However, with one, I wouldn't be as alone as I have been lately. I don't have many people to talk to. That's a big reason I want one. So I have someone to spend time with and talk to. My friends are busier than usual so I've been alone a lot more. I've been sitting alone at Lunch day after day because my friends are too involved in their clubs and such to sit with me. I'm not upset at them for it, but I wish they'd take a small little snippet out of their schedules to spend some time with me. I miss them.

Everyone else having boyfriends is only a small fraction of why I want one. The above paragraph explains another part of why. A third reason I want one is because I want to mean something to someone. So many of my friends have exited my life just this year that it feels like hardly anyone gives a **** about me. I just want to know that someone really cares about me. My phone hardly ever rings. I want someone to care enough to call and talk to me for hours about nothing of real consequence.

And that is not how I think. This is how I usually think. "This boy is really good looking and is nice to talk to. We have quite a lot in common without being the exact same. I'd like to get to know him more." *1-2 weeks pass* "I'm really starting to like this boy. I wish he'd ask me out." *Another 1-2 weeks pass* "OK...he hasn't asked me out yet. Maybe I should do the asking."

Very much agree with Erz and JLBats. Once you're happy with yourself and stop searching desperately for a man, one will come to you. It will also probably only happen once you're out of high school. High school is full of immature boys who are looking to ****, not to build some loving relationship (generalization, yes, but a fairly accurate way to think of high school boys overall). Also, people can usually tell when you're desperate, and that's why that scares the guys aware. Learn to be confident in yourself!

That's a pretty accurate description of how high school boys are, from my experience. :funny: It's starting to look like I'm not going to find a relationship at all during high school, but the year has only begun. Something could happen. Or nothing could. There's no way of knowing. If it doesn't, I'll be a little saddened that I didn't ever get to experience having a high school sweetheart (one of the few legitimately good guys that goes to my school), but I'll shrug it off and just focus on something else. As for learning to gain confidence in myself, I don't even really know how. I've never been 100% confident in myself.

Call me a pessimist but until Angel kinda reaches rock bottom and pulls her own self up, I doubt she's really going to take in any of those pieces of advice.

in any case as a woman, she should generally just get on and let herself be chased, ladies have enough problems without having to worry about things like this.

she also has to switch priorities and have the right person for her come looking rather than the other way round.

in short, it'll all iron itself out by the time you're 30, max.

Colter situation ring any bells? That was hitting rock bottom for me. Still pulling myself up from that whole disaster. That completely pulverized me. I'm trying to learn from that mistake, which is why I'm doing my best to follow the advice you guys have given me this time.

I've never liked the idea of just sitting around waiting for Prince Charming. I'm very impatient. That's part of my problem. I try and wait, get tired of zero results, and decide "I'm taking matters into my own hands". Another thing I need to work on.

30?! I would be devastated if I've still never been in a relationship at all by the time I'm 30!! If you mean find someone really right for me at 30 (after having a few serious relationships), that I can handle. But I don't want to be 30 and never been kissed. I can barely deal with the fact I'm 18 and never been kissed.

Bingo...no offense, but we all saw how the colter thing panned out...like i mentioned way back in this thread, people ask for help, you give advice, and then they discard them, sadly...unfortunately, the only advice giver people will listen to 100% is named experience

Not this time, Batman. I'm taking JLBats's advice and am giving up on looking. If I even try to start looking again, I'll metaphorically slap myself in the face and snap myself out of it. No matter what it takes, I'm going to stop being the desperate little worm I've been for 9 years. It's not doing anyone any favors and it needs to stop. Don't even know where to start working on all this, but I'm more than willing to do it.

[JLBats]

Not this time, Batman. I'm taking JLBats's advice and am giving up on looking. If I even try to start looking again, I'll metaphorically slap myself in the face and snap myself out of it. No matter what it takes, I'm going to stop being the desperate little worm I've been for 9 years. It's not doing anyone any favors and it needs to stop. Don't even know where to start working on all this, but I'm more than willing to do it.

Good.

The only thing that I can promise you is that it's not always gonna be this grey.

[Captain Planet!]

Just a quick question: How old is too old for a chick to be if the guy is 20?
I'm w/ a 25 year old now (she turns 26 in Dec.), we're awesome 2gether, but a lot of people think she's to old 4 me!?!?!
R they right or should we just say "screw 'em!"???
I hate to be the grammar policeman here but, Maybe they think she's too old for you because you write like a 14 year old. :huh:

[The Batman]

Not this time, Batman. I'm taking JLBats's advice and am giving up on looking. If I even try to start looking again, I'll metaphorically slap myself in the face and snap myself out of it. No matter what it takes, I'm going to stop being the desperate little worm I've been for 9 years. It's not doing anyone any favors and it needs to stop. Don't even know where to start working on all this, but I'm more than willing to do it.


I hope so...especially since you havent reached college yet...i hope things turn out well, though

[AndThePickles]

That's a pretty accurate description of how high school boys are, from my experience. :funny: It's starting to look like I'm not going to find a relationship at all during high school, but the year has only begun. Something could happen. Or nothing could. There's no way of knowing. If it doesn't, I'll be a little saddened that I didn't ever get to experience having a high school sweetheart (one of the few legitimately good guys that goes to my school), but I'll shrug it off and just focus on something else. As for learning to gain confidence in myself, I don't even really know how. I've never been 100% confident in myself.


The confidence will come with time. Don't worry about high school sweethearts...it's so glamorized by movies, books, and such, but not very realistic. I never dated during high school, except for like, a month before graduation. And seriously, pretty much the second I graduated, the boys came frickin POURING in. I don't know what it is about high school, but it just is not a good dating environment. I had also stopped worrying about getting a date, and I know that it showed. Try to learn to feel pretty for yourself. When you go out feeling good, other people will notice.

[JLBats]

This is gonna sound harsh, but don't feel like being too nice today.

First off, did you really think you'd stay with this girl when you two are living four hours away from each other? That's pretty foolish, this was only gonna be a summer romance and if you really thought it'd be more than that, you would've already had plans to come home for a visit.

Second, is this your first year in college? If so, look around you, there's plenty of girls all around, you don't have a girlfriend, go to some parties, have a good time, don't piss and moan about a girl four hours away. Meet new girls that aren't four hours away.

Okay, I refrained from replying to this at first because I figured an emotional response wouldn't be the best way to deal with it. So:):

I thought this was kinda unnecessary. You have barely a post's worth of information about the situation and you jumped to the conclusion I'm being foolish:huh:? No, sorry, I'm being ****ing young and stupid. I'll admit it. I'll thank you not to point it out, because I'm aware. And I'll add:

No, this was not only going to be a summer romance. In the beginning I might have been cynical about the prospects, but it was her who wanted us to continue being together, we made plans, and we were only going to be apart for less than a year and then her family is moving down here.

So, yeah. I guess it was foolish to think 8 months with intermittent visits would be too much time apart to bear.

And yeah, I did have plans to come home for a visit, before we broke up. But she came and visited me a week after I moved here, even though we weren't a couple anymore. So huzzah:up:?

Second of all, I don't have any particular extra-curricular interest in dating at the moment. It's not one of those things on my mind and I'm perfectly content to live without a girlfriend right now. I'm going to plenty of parties. I'm having the best time of my life, to be honest with you. Last night I got VIP tickets to the world premiere of Brothers Bloom and got to see Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo live and in person. I'm not just sitting and moping in the dark over a girl 4 hours away, even I know how ****ing SAD that would be,

soooo
don't fret:yay:

I'm just sad when I think about her and the lowering prospects of us being together. Hence the "IN AND OUT of the middle of it; re: depression" part of my posts. I'm not just constantly in a miserable state here.

I have to wonder whether you even read my post in full?:huh:
Or more likely, whether you UNDERSTOOD it?:huh:
Because despite it all you seemed AWFUL
quick to pounce and judge.

Yes. Maybe I was foolish to be optimistic about things working out. Maybe I should've known it was all gonna go to ****.

But you know what?
**** MY LIFE if it wasn't a welcome change from being pessimistic and with little hope for the future.

*shrug*

I liked her a lot, and I still remember how she always tried to talk me into eating organic foods, or the time she made me a seafood dinner.


Sorry if that seemed emotional or angry or blunt.
I don't feel like being too nice today.

[AndThePickles]

Aw, JL. I do feel for you. I had a guy I was head over heels crazy about the summer before college that things didn't work out with, either. I know it's rough, but it'll be ok :csad:

[Mac_Hine]

For those with self-confidence and anxiety issues, these are the authors I read from(and listened to cds) to get those handled. Search in Amazon for stuff from Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Lucinda Bassett and Susan Jeffers. Hope this helps because it sure helped me a TON awhile ago.

[JLBats]

I appreciate it, but it's never helped me. Human contact, and plenty of it, seems to be the only thing that REALLY does help me get better.

Which makes me realize... I used to be a person who loved his space and his alone time, but has since realized how much he loves and needs human contact.

Which is why I came back to the Hype at all. Sadly enough.

[Silk Spectre]

Just a quick question: How old is too old for a chick to be if the guy is 20?
I'm w/ a 25 year old now (she turns 26 in Dec.), we're awesome 2gether, but a lot of people think she's to old 4 me!?!?!
R they right or should we just say "screw 'em!"???

20 and 25 is very reasonable. Once you start getting an age gap of ten years or more, then things get a little weird. If you are happy that is all that matters.

[AndThePickles]

I appreciate it, but it's never helped me. Human contact, and plenty of it, seems to be the only thing that REALLY does help me get better.

Which makes me realize... I used to be a person who loved his space and his alone time, but has since realized how much he loves and needs human contact.

Which is why I came back to the Hype at all. Sadly enough.

Human contact IS extremely important. Right now, I think the best thing you can do is surround yourself with friends and people you enjoy talking to.

Don't feel sad about the Hype, I definitely come here to talk when I'm lonely. Anything can help :up:

[JLBats]

Human contact IS extremely important. Right now, I think the best thing you can do is surround yourself with friends and people you enjoy talking to.

Don't feel sad about the Hype, I definitely come here to talk when I'm lonely. Anything can help :up:

I think that's why rez life is the best thing for me right now. I'm surrounded by people and I rarely get that terrifyingly lonely thing going on here.

[Mac_Hine]

I appreciate it, but it's never helped me. Human contact, and plenty of it, seems to be the only thing that REALLY does help me get better.

Which makes me realize... I used to be a person who loved his space and his alone time, but has since realized how much he loves and needs human contact.

Which is why I came back to the Hype at all. Sadly enough.

So... learning great techniques on how to overcome depression and anxiety and how to build self-confidence won't help you? Ok, different strokes for different folks I guess.

[JLBats]

So... learning great techniques on how to overcome depression and anxiety and how to build self-confidence won't help you? Ok, different strokes for different folks I guess.

They've always struck me as false, and when I'm depressed I can't relate one bit to advice, however good.

I've just never sparked to motivational speakers.
Who after this post I can only assume you're getting commission from video sales of?:huh:

[Mac_Hine]

They've always struck me as false, and when I'm depressed I can't relate one bit to advice, however good.

I've just never sparked to motivational speakers.
Who after this post I can only assume you're getting commission from video sales of?:huh:
Nah man, I just got so much value out of these people that I always recommend their stuff. I'm a totally different person than I was before listening and reading their material. I used to suffer from all of that crap that you described when I was in high school. Besides, all of their material is just really interesting to me because I'm fascinated by human psychology. Try it while you are also talking and making connections with other people and your results will be tenfold. Or you could always just *cough* bit*cough*tor*cough*rent*cough* them. Sorry I have a nasty cough.:oldrazz:

[Savage]

Human contact IS extremely important. Right now, I think the best thing you can do is surround yourself with friends and people you enjoy talking to.

Don't feel sad about the Hype, I definitely come here to talk when I'm lonely. Anything can help :up:

Too bad I only realized this now that all my friends have moved away. :csad: It's so hard to make new ones.

[kainedamo]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

!!!

:(

[amazingfantasy15]

Okay, I refrained from replying to this at first because I figured an emotional response wouldn't be the best way to deal with it. So:):

I thought this was kinda unnecessary. You have barely a post's worth of information about the situation and you jumped to the conclusion I'm being foolish:huh:? No, sorry, I'm being ****ing young and stupid. I'll admit it. I'll thank you not to point it out, because I'm aware. And I'll add:

No, this was not only going to be a summer romance. In the beginning I might have been cynical about the prospects, but it was her who wanted us to continue being together, we made plans, and we were only going to be apart for less than a year and then her family is moving down here.

So, yeah. I guess it was foolish to think 8 months with intermittent visits would be too much time apart to bear.

And yeah, I did have plans to come home for a visit, before we broke up. But she came and visited me a week after I moved here, even though we weren't a couple anymore. So huzzah:up:?

Second of all, I don't have any particular extra-curricular interest in dating at the moment. It's not one of those things on my mind and I'm perfectly content to live without a girlfriend right now. I'm going to plenty of parties. I'm having the best time of my life, to be honest with you. Last night I got VIP tickets to the world premiere of Brothers Bloom and got to see Rachel Weisz, Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo live and in person. I'm not just sitting and moping in the dark over a girl 4 hours away, even I know how ****ing SAD that would be,

soooo
don't fret:yay:

I'm just sad when I think about her and the lowering prospects of us being together. Hence the "IN AND OUT of the middle of it; re: depression" part of my posts. I'm not just constantly in a miserable state here.

I have to wonder whether you even read my post in full?:huh:
Or more likely, whether you UNDERSTOOD it?:huh:
Because despite it all you seemed AWFUL
quick to pounce and judge.

Yes. Maybe I was foolish to be optimistic about things working out. Maybe I should've known it was all gonna go to ****.

But you know what?
**** MY LIFE if it wasn't a welcome change from being pessimistic and with little hope for the future.

*shrug*

I liked her a lot, and I still remember how she always tried to talk me into eating organic foods, or the time she made me a seafood dinner.

Sorry if that seemed emotional or angry or blunt.
I don't feel like being too nice today.

Hey, you said you tried to distract yourself, but kept checking her Facebook and Friend's Facebook multiple times a day, which is kinda stalkerish.

I know you're new at college and thought you'd be able to keep this girl for the year, but it wasn't going to happen. I've been through college, I've seen this first hand with many, many people, all of them tried to keep their high school boyfriend/girlfriend, all broke up within the first couple months. You were being foolish, just like many other college freshman before you.

Glad you're getting out there though, it's the best thing you can do. Don't forget about her, but also don't pine for her, it'll just drive you nuts.

Finally, blasting me for giving you advice after only having "barely a post's worth of information about the situation", well why'd you post on here if you didn't want someone drawing conclusions from that info. That's all the info we have and get. You want someone who can get more info, talk to one of the people at school you know. I can only respond to the info I'm given. You had a summer fling with a girl, thought it would be something more, but it wasn't.

Oh and one more tip, don't pressure her into going to your school if it's just for selfish reasons of you wanting to be with her. College is a major decision and she should chose the one that's right for her, that has the best program for what she wants to do, etc.

Now go ahead and b*tch at me again for this post, probably a little theraputic to let loose and vent all your frustrations about the situation.

[JLBats]

Hey, you said you tried to distract yourself, but kept checking her Facebook and Friend's Facebook multiple times a day, which is kinda stalkerish.

I know you're new at college and thought you'd be able to keep this girl for the year, but it wasn't going to happen. I've been through college, I've seen this first hand with many, many people, all of them tried to keep their high school boyfriend/girlfriend, all broke up within the first couple months. You were being foolish, just like many other college freshman before you.

Glad you're getting out there though, it's the best thing you can do. Don't forget about her, but also don't pine for her, it'll just drive you nuts.

Finally, blasting me for giving you advice after only having "barely a post's worth of information about the situation", well why'd you post on here if you didn't want someone drawing conclusions from that info. That's all the info we have and get. You want someone who can get more info, talk to one of the people at school you know. I can only respond to the info I'm given. You had a summer fling with a girl, thought it would be something more, but it wasn't.

Oh and one more tip, don't pressure her into going to your school if it's just for selfish reasons of you wanting to be with her. College is a major decision and she should chose the one that's right for her, that has the best program for what she wants to do, etc.

Now go ahead and b*tch at me again for this post, probably a little theraputic to let loose and vent all your frustrations about the situation.

I'm not pressuring her into coming here; her family is moving down here anyways and she's the one who's been in love with the idea of going into this program for a year, and it's one of the better programs in the province for what she wants to do.

And I posted here to get the advice of people older, wiser and more experienced, yes, but beneath your post I saw a lot more malice than what I got from Erzengel and AndThePickles, both of whom had an equally bleak evaluation of my situation. You lambasted me for being foolish. Maybe it was foolish, but I think it would've been supremely cynical, and not in a particularly honourable or positive way, to assume it was just a "summer fling"... neither of us did, we had plans for the future, we talked constantly about being together a year from now, and her friends were all basically making marriage plans. Guess I was wrong to think it was more. Guess it wasn't.

But hey, maybe harsh phrasing was exxxxxactly what I needed:) In which case

thanks, dude.

[ttotheusher]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hh

!!!

:(

:huh:. Something on your mind?

[kainedamo]

I've got such a massive attack of anxiety today.

[JLBats]

Is it over your Internet girl?

[kainedamo]

I don't have an 'internet girl'. I was talking to a girl online who I thought I was connecting with but she stopped contact without explanation. That's just part of my frustration. I go through this cycle, and every once in a while I either feel depressed and lonely, or just frustrated and filled with anxiety like I am right now.

[JLBats]

...maybe her computer broke?

[kainedamo]

You could drive yourself mad thinking "maybe this happened, maybe that happened". I'm better off assuming she lost interest so that I don't get too let down if I don't see any emails when I get the computer on.

She was on holiday in Russia when I first contacted her. We sent some pretty detailed and lenghy emails back and forth. After a week of no contact she'd aplogise for the break in contact. Eventually it came to the time where she would soon be heading back home, and she was like "I'll be able to contact you more often when I get back home". She lives here, so obviously I figured **** yeah I'll actually get to meet her. She contacted me briefly when she was in England before getting back here, and I haven't heard from her since. I mean, once when she was in Russia she went through the effort of typing out an email on her phone when she was in the country, to let me know she was still alive and ****! Haha.

So I don't know. There could be a million reasons. But I just figure, if she were still interested in keeping contact she would have found a way to.

[Erzengel]

Is this more women, you are trying to meet for free?

Honestly, if you are going to use that outlet, how many times do I have to tell you, you get what you paid for.

And if you are meeting girls randomly through some sort of myspace, facebook, or whatever they are using in Ireland, I'm guessing most people aren't really using it to meet prospective suitors.

If you honestly, want to meet women this way, fork out the cash and put more of an effort into it and stop relying on random girls.

[kainedamo]

Is this more women, you are trying to meet for free?

Honestly, if you are going to use that outlet, how many times do I have to tell you, you get what you paid for.

We are talking about Internet dating, Erz. Not prostitution :o

If you honestly, want to meet women this way, fork out the cash and put more of an effort into it and stop relying on random girls.

Erz, with free sites I can barely find that many girls from here. The dating sites where you pay - as far as I can see they are geared towards Americans. I have a funny little feeling, call me crazy, that I'm not going to find many attractive girls between 18 - 24 from Belfast (STOP! Population of Belfast, according to mid-year estimates for 2006, Belfast has a population of 267,374, which represents 15.35% of the Northern Ireland total population of 1,741,619.) on a site where you pay.

I mean, the likely scenario, I'm just using my common sense, is that there will be a small handful of females (if even that) on a dating site where you pay, and the only way I can find out is by paying just so I can have a look.

[kainedamo]

Actually I remember there was a site where you could look, but you couldn't contact anyone until paying.

I tried to join but the site had mad technical issues. I emailed them and they wanted me to call their technical team in the US :whatever:

This was a while ago. Can't remember how many girls from here were there.

[Erzengel]

Well most people, use sites like match, eharmony etc., are serious about relationships and not looking to be strung along.

Why don't you take a look at some of the dating sites, some of them may have free trials, etc. instead of just "assuming". And even if we are are talking about a handful of women, you'd find on one of those sites, it's still better than what you are doing now, and at least they would be looking for something in common with you.

[JLBats]

kaine, I think you may be the first person who's consistently defended his lack of dating luck by using POPULATION statistic:huh:

[kainedamo]

kaine, I think you may be the first person who's consistently defended his lack of dating luck by using POPULATION statistic:huh:

Even Erz says that dating is a numbers game :o

Take the number of 267,374 people (I'm sure its rised since 2006 but maybe not by much).

Take away from that number all the males, and all the females aged 0 - 17 and 25 to old age, and all the girls that aren't particularly attractive. Then, the number that's left over - I have all these other males competing with me.

Statiscically I'm boned and would probably have more luck if I moved somewhere else.

[Erzengel]

I do say dating is a numbers game but if you really want to talk about statistics, what do you think the statistics are of a finding a girl on one of those free sites, who's looking for a guy AND technically, do you think you are the only one scoping out chicks on that site, so you have competition there as well.

At least with pay sites, you can at least narrow it down to women who are actually looking.

[amazingfantasy15]

Even Erz says that dating is a numbers game :o

Take the number of 267,374 people (I'm sure its rised since 2006 but maybe not by much).

Take away from that number all the males, and all the females aged 0 - 17 and 25 to old age, and all the girls that aren't particularly attractive. Then, the number that's left over - I have all these other males competing with me.

Statiscically I'm boned and would probably have more luck if I moved somewhere else.

Maybe you should think about not looking strictly in Belfast then, be open to outlying counties, suburbs, whatever. I agree with Erz though, you get what you pay for, MySpace, Facebook girls most likely aren't looking for a relationship with someone there, with sites like eHarmony and Match you at least know they're looking for a relationship. On MySpace maybe 1 of 100 girls you "befriend" are looking for something more, you may only get 25 hits on a pay dating site, but at least you know all 25 are looking for something more.

[amazingfantasy15]

I'm not pressuring her into coming here; her family is moving down here anyways and she's the one who's been in love with the idea of going into this program for a year, and it's one of the better programs in the province for what she wants to do.

And I posted here to get the advice of people older, wiser and more experienced, yes, but beneath your post I saw a lot more malice than what I got from Erzengel and AndThePickles, both of whom had an equally bleak evaluation of my situation. You lambasted me for being foolish. Maybe it was foolish, but I think it would've been supremely cynical, and not in a particularly honourable or positive way, to assume it was just a "summer fling"... neither of us did, we had plans for the future, we talked constantly about being together a year from now, and her friends were all basically making marriage plans. Guess I was wrong to think it was more. Guess it wasn't.

But hey, maybe harsh phrasing was exxxxxactly what I needed:) In which case

thanks, dude.

Hey, so many people get treated with kid gloves around here and don't listen, figured I'd go with a different approach. Yes, I was being cynical, but I have seen your basic situation many times before and 99% of the time it always ends the same way. You can talk about future plans all you want, but the true test is when you move away and that distance at this time in both your lives will almost always be too much.

It's good that the decision about her going to the same school next year is hers though. Maybe next year you two will be able to be together or maybe one or both of you will meet someone else this year. Stay on good terms with the girl, but don't worry about what she's doing, live your life.

[kainedamo]

Maybe you should think about not looking strictly in Belfast then, be open to outlying counties, suburbs, whatever. I agree with Erz though, you get what you pay for, MySpace, Facebook girls most likely aren't looking for a relationship with someone there, with sites like eHarmony and Match you at least know they're looking for a relationship. On MySpace maybe 1 of 100 girls you "befriend" are looking for something more, you may only get 25 hits on a pay dating site, but at least you know all 25 are looking for something more.

I am looking on whats considered to be dating sites, they're just free dating sites.

[Matt Murdock]

Here's my number one tip:

Relax. Let go. It'll come to you. :up:

*unsubscribes* :)

[Erzengel]

I am looking on whats considered to be dating sites, they're just free dating sites.
But do you understand the whole free vs. paid?

People would probably take something more seriously if they were paying for it. As opposed to, free sites, where it's like they have nothing to lose.

[amazingfantasy15]

But do you understand the whole free vs. paid?

People would probably take something more seriously if they were paying for it. As opposed to, free sites, where it's like they have nothing to lose.

I don't think he'll ever understand.

[Nightmare]

Myspace the best dating site.

[kainedamo]

I don't think he'll ever understand.

No, I totally get that someone that pays would be more serious, I'm just thinking the options would be limited. I could still look into it.

[Erzengel]

How is it limited as compared to the other free sites you are using? While there are more people probably using that site, that's also more people just looking to connect with old friends not particularly looking for a relationship. AF15 said it best you are probably thinking 1 out of 100 and I think that's being generous looking for a relationship. With a pay site, even if it's only 25 people that's still a better chance.

Also Kaine you are entering your mid 20s, and yes I'm not as familiar with all these sites you are using but are there really that many females in that age range you encounted looking for love?

[AndThePickles]

If Kaine really wants a date, he will join a paid site. End of story :o

[Silk Spectre]

No, I totally get that someone that pays would be more serious, I'm just thinking the options would be limited. I could still look into it.

No offense, but is there a reason you can't meet someone the old fashioned way? You may not live in the biggest city in the world, but just go places and do things, you never know where you could meet someone. Join a social group or club.

[Master Chief]

F**k dates.

Just party it up and let what happens happen, LOL.

Jump on that fast Kaine, you're approachin yer 30s.

[kainedamo]

No offense, but is there a reason you can't meet someone the old fashioned way? You may not live in the biggest city in the world, but just go places and do things, you never know where you could meet someone. Join a social group or club.

Last year I signed up for a photography class to this end. The only girls there were women over 50. lol.

Years ago I used to play Warhammer. I'd go into the store on thursday nights for big epic battles. I did this for about a year - never once seen a girl there.

I've been friends with a couple of girls for years, and they don't know any girls I could date.

If I knew of a social group that I'd be interested in that actually has girls there, I'd sign up for it no problem.

[kainedamo]

F**k dates.

Just party it up and let what happens happen, LOL.

Jump on that fast Kaine, you're approachin yer 30s.

I'm not approaching my 30's :(

I've been single seriously way too long.

[kainedamo]

Eharmony is stupid. It won't let me complete my profile to join. Keeps coming up...

You must respond to question 1
You must respond to question 4
You must respond to question 5
You must respond to question 6

Garrrrrrrgh!! The answers are there, dang it :cmad: This is what they wanted me to call their technical team in the US about.

What other sites are there?

[Erzengel]

Match and is there Irish websites?

Eharmony, they kinda match you based on personality not necessarily on looks.

[kainedamo]

As far as I know there are no Irish specific dating sites where you pay.

I've looked through the selection of match.com. Out of about 6 pages of girls there is one possible candidate. A few others seemed okay, until ya look at what they want in a date. Most of them list Education: Bachelors degree for their date. One girl wants her guy to earn no less than £50, 000 a year. One girl listed herself as 'ultra conservative' for political affiliation, gross!

So yeah... one girl seems suitable, and she hasn't been online in more than 3 weeks.

[amazingfantasy15]

Last year I signed up for a photography class to this end. The only girls there were women over 50. lol.

Well, that's just bad luck

Years ago I used to play Warhammer. I'd go into the store on thursday nights for big epic battles. I did this for about a year - never once seen a girl there.

Did you really think you were gonna meet a girl with this?

If I knew of a social group that I'd be interested in that actually has girls there, I'd sign up for it no problem.

How about a cooking class, maybe a coed intramural/recreational sports team, think about your interests (interests that might also appeal to girls, hint, Warhammer is not one) and look online for classes or a club. Although you'll probably have to pay for it, so you may not want to do that.

[Erzengel]

I just a google search for Ireland and dating sites.

http://www.maybefriends.com/

http://dating.irishtimes.com/

http://www.anotherfriend.com/

Are these are familiar sites in Ireland?

[kainedamo]

I just a google search for Ireland and dating sites.

http://www.maybefriends.com/

http://dating.irishtimes.com/

http://www.anotherfriend.com/

Are these are familiar sites in Ireland?

I appreciate the effort, Erz, but all those sites are specific to the south of Ireland, they don't include the north in all the fun :o

[Erzengel]

7XtaQAS4dzA

Speaking of which, I imagine Ireland filled with girls like in those Irish Spring commericials in the States. I do not want that image sullied by the truth. :down :csad:

[kainedamo]

Actually on closer inspection that last site does include the north. So I had a look... and... yeah... lots of old ladies :o

[kainedamo]

It turns out I was being dense and they all include the north. But the search results for two of the sites show the exact same people, which is odd. And the first site turns up pages and pages of people with no pictures at all.

[amazingfantasy15]

You seem to look for something wrong with all these sites Kaine, yet how many dates have you gotten from your free sites?

[AndThePickles]

You seem to look for something wrong with all these sites Kaine, yet how many dates have you gotten from your free sites?

Seriously. I motion that we forbid Kaine to post complaints in here until he takes further action to get a date :o

[Gilpesh]

Seriously. I motion that we forbid Kaine to post complaints in here until he takes further action to get a date :o

Motion seconded with the recommendation that all side with the Yeas and not vote Nay on this one.

[Shedhut]

Last year I signed up for a photography class to this end. The only girls there were women over 50. lol.

Years ago I used to play Warhammer. I'd go into the store on thursday nights for big epic battles. I did this for about a year - never once seen a girl there.

I've been friends with a couple of girls for years, and they don't know any girls I could date.

If I knew of a social group that I'd be interested in that actually has girls there, I'd sign up for it no problem.

:nono:

[kainedamo]

Seriously. I motion that we forbid Kaine to post complaints in here until he takes further action to get a date :o

But - but - um, hmmm :(

[AndThePickles]

But - but - um, hmmm :(

It's out of wanting to help you, seriously. I've heard you give the same complaints for months now...time to take some action.

[Erzengel]

Kaine, I know you get a lot of **** but objectively, you are very close minded once you set your mind to something.

[kainedamo]

I mean, you guys can have a look yourselves, the search results suck...

http://www.anotherfriend.com

Search for women in county Antrim. It's a little confusing actually 'cause some of the search results bring up people nowhere near Antrim. But yeah, most of the ladies aren't in my age range. Ignore the ones that say they're from Dublin. Dublin would take me like five hours to get to.

Any location that says 'Belfast' is an old lady :(

[Erzengel]

Try match or eharmony. If eharmony is giving you issues, go on another computer or come back later.

[kainedamo]

These search results are funny.

Location: Warsaw.
Country: Ireland.

??? :huh:

[Nightmare]

Eharmony is expensive isnt it?

[JLBats]

The night is lovely as a rose; if I see sunlight hit you I am sure that we'll both decompose:)

*drunk*

[Banquet]

Years ago I used to play Warhammer. I'd go into the store on thursday nights for big epic battles. I did this for about a year - never once seen a girl there.



Definitely not going to meet girls that way even if you saw one. I went into the comic book shop once when a game similar was going on (have no idea about them things being female and all, I guess) and it was incredibly awkward to have half the room staring at me as I tried to purchase something. I actually avoid those places now.

Don't think online dating is much better though. Most people on them are dealing with divorce or a death of their partner and are having trouble getting back into dating after a long period of absence... so you get a lot of older folks...

And JLBats are you only on here when you're drunk? :whatever:

[JLBats]

And JLBats are you only on here when you're drunk? :whatever:

Um, no?

The vast majority of the time on here I'm sober.
Not that it matters since I seem to still be about on par intellectually with the average poster here even drunk:o

Stop rolling those eyes and embrace the good times.
You know you wanna.

If you studied history, young padawan, you'd know I used to actually merit some respect.
Not so much anymore.
Meh.

:yay:

[kainedamo]

Woah, that girl that wasn't contacting me contacted me today.

She sent me a message saying that she's been in Derry the last few weeks where she does her medical training, and apparently they haven't got much internet access where she's at. She says she's back in Belfast for the weekend but she's gonna be gone in Derry another six weeks.

[JLBats]

There you go!

You know what this is?
A happy ending.

Okay, not really.

[Banshee]

Broke up with my girlfriend of three years today, she's 12 hours away from NC in MO. She's pretty messed up over the whole thing, really upset. I feel guilty as **** but its for the best I think. Just had to get that out. Going to try and keep my mind off it by getting drunk with some friends... wouldn't hurt to pick up a random either I suppose. Carry on.

[amazingfantasy15]

Woah, that girl that wasn't contacting me contacted me today.

She sent me a message saying that she's been in Derry the last few weeks where she does her medical training, and apparently they haven't got much internet access where she's at. She says she's back in Belfast for the weekend but she's gonna be gone in Derry another six weeks.

Where's Derry? Is it kinda close? You should probably start trying to move this offline, especially since she'll have very little internet access over the next 6 weeks. At least get her phone number so you can talk on the phone.

Broke up with my girlfriend of three years today, she's 12 hours away from NC in MO. She's pretty messed up over the whole thing, really upset. I feel guilty as **** but its for the best I think. Just had to get that out. Going to try and keep my mind off it by getting drunk with some friends... wouldn't hurt to pick up a random either I suppose. Carry on.

Did you think she was gonna be happy about you breaking up with her?

[JLBats]

Did you think she was gonna be happy about you breaking up with her?

If you're into this whole advice giving thing, I'm just gonna recommend you stop saying "Did you really think..." etc., because it's roughly the equivalent of telling a person they're an idiot for feeling the way they're feeling. I'm not going to be a big ***** and say "Dude, do you come into this thread just to be a superior *******?" because I honestly think you're here wanting to help.

But as somebody on the receiving end of a "Did you really think blah blah blah?" response, it's truly unhelpful.

People come in here for followable advice; telling someone that logically they shouldn't feel something is not particularly useful, you know?

Anyways, just my two cents. Guy didn't seem to be too hung up on it anyway or really looking for any advice, so I'm sure it's no harm, no foul.

[amazingfantasy15]

If you're into this whole advice giving thing, I'm just gonna recommend you stop saying "Did you really think..." etc., because it's roughly the equivalent of telling a person they're an idiot for feeling the way they're feeling. I'm not going to be a big ***** and say "Dude, do you come into this thread just to be a superior *******?" because I honestly think you're here wanting to help.

But as somebody on the receiving end of a "Did you really think blah blah blah?" response, it's truly unhelpful.

People come in here for followable advice; telling someone that logically they shouldn't feel something is not particularly useful, you know? Case in point telling Kaine to try to move things offline with the girl he's been talking to. Sorry you caught me on a bad day where I was brutally honest, still stand by the advice I gave you though, summer/high school relationships don't last long once college enters the picture.

Anyways, just my two cents. Guy didn't seem to be too hung up on it anyway or really looking for any advice, so I'm sure it's no harm, no foul.

This is actually just a case of sarcasm not coming across the internet very well. I think I've actually given some good advice in the past.

[AndThePickles]

Going to try and keep my mind off it by getting drunk with some friends... wouldn't hurt to pick up a random either I suppose. Carry on.

Ugh, people always think that's the best way to get over a break-up. Everyone I know who does so regrets it.

[Gilpesh]

Ugh, people always think that's the best way to get over a break-up. Everyone I know who does so regrets it.

Pickles... it will lead to a hilarious (for everyone but him) story tomorrow. Quiet you! :oldrazz:

[Erzengel]

Randoms are at best a distraction. Even afterwards, your thoughts will stray back to the the ex. In the end, time is what gets you over someone.

[kainedamo]

Where's Derry? Is it kinda close? You should probably start trying to move this offline, especially since she'll have very little internet access over the next 6 weeks. At least get her phone number so you can talk on the phone.



Did you think she was gonna be happy about you breaking up with her?

It's not too far away. But right now I have no way of contacting her to sort anything out.

[JLBats]

amazingfantasy15,

you are consistently right.

**** my life.

signed
JLBats.

[Nightmare]

JLBats, why dont girls answer my texts? Its annoying as hell.

[kainedamo]

So I went on the website where I was talking to that girl and discovered her account is gone :( Must have been deleted.

[JLBats]

JLBats, why dont girls answer my texts? Its annoying as hell.

Because they're fickle and probably don't like you. DESPAIR.

[amazingfantasy15]

amazingfantasy15,

you are consistently right.

**** my life.

signed
JLBats.

Wow, I really pissed you off. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh regarding the problems you're having. Hopefully everything will work out for you in the end.

[JLBats]

Wow, I really pissed you off. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh regarding the problems you're having. Hopefully everything will work out for you in the end.

That was actually not a post pissed off at you. If anything, consider that one vindication.

(I also posted that while I was drunk, so, you know... no harm, no foul)

[aaron]

bats have you considered suicide
just saying is all
ropes arent that bad

[Knightsaber Priss]

I know this might be coming out of left field for you guys because I rarely if ever air my romantic issues in these boards. But anyways, I am being driving crazy in a romantic sense by one, maybe two guys in particular whom I will not divulge any names to protect the innocent, blah, blah, blah. The worst torture in my head is thinking about all sorts of passionate sex I'd love to be having in particular. Put it this way, but all other guys come up quite short in comparison.....if you get my drift. I've had hints of some interest in me personally but nothing concrete (Like a person to person confession.) and that drives me even crazier. I wish I could get some definite answers from the party(ies) involved.

[SLVRSR4]

I think you need to be a little more specific with what you're talking about. When you say short does it mean performance with others? Or does it mean that everyone else in comparison to these people that are not named are inferior?

[JoeCat]

I know this might be coming out of left field for you guys because I rarely if ever air my romantic issues in these boards. But anyways, I am being driving crazy in a romantic sense by one, maybe two guys in particular whom I will not divulge any names to protect the innocent, blah, blah, blah. The worst torture in my head is thinking about all sorts of passionate sex I'd love to be having in particular. Put it this way, but all other guys come up quite short in comparison.....if you get my drift. I've had hints of some interest in me personally but nothing concrete (Like a person to person confession.) and that drives me even crazier. I wish I could get some definite answers from the party(ies) involved.

I have no clue what you're asking. :csad:

[JLBats]

bats have you considered suicide
just saying is all
ropes arent that bad

lol

[JoeCat]

bats have you considered suicide
just saying is all
ropes arent that bad

I didn't even see this until Bats responded. When i read it I said "oh my god!" out loud lol That's horrible!

[Knightsaber Priss]

I think you need to be a little more specific with what you're talking about. When you say short does it mean performance with others? Or does it mean that everyone else in comparison to these people that are not named are inferior?

Let's just say physically where it counts and personality wise, the man I fancy is quite a catch. Plus he really knows what to do with it. Everyone else just cannot compare.

[Eggyman]

So, zilla, you want confirmation on whether they are interested or not? How old are you, if you don't mind?

[kainedamo]

I finally managed to join eHarmony, and it has one person matched to me. All the way from london.

[Knightsaber Priss]

So, zilla, you want confirmation on whether they are interested or not? How old are you, if you don't mind?

I'm 35 going on 36. And anyways, I have a sneaking suspicion he happes to be attracted to me, but so far I've not had him come right out and say anything to me. You see, our situation is a whole lot more complicated than I can let you in on.

[kainedamo]

Okay, so I've found an interesting site for people from N. Ireland where they can post ads. House rental ads, ads selling stuff, and dating ads.

I've replied to a bunch and posted my own.

It's sad that this, and other forms of internet dating, are the only things I can think of.

Well, I'm also keeping my eye out for any kind of clubs I could join.

[Eggyman]

I'm 35 going on 36. And anyways, I have a sneaking suspicion he happes to be attracted to me, but so far I've not had him come right out and say anything to me. You see, our situation is a whole lot more complicated than I can let you in on.

Ahh, ok. See, if you're really wanting this mad sex with this guy, just let him know that you have a slot open for him :oldrazz: You don't have to wine and dine a guy lol. I heard a saying in a film once: 'Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.'

[Knightsaber Priss]

Ahh, ok. See, if you're really wanting this mad sex with this guy, just let him know that you have a slot open for him :oldrazz: You don't have to wine and dine a guy lol. I heard a saying in a film once: 'Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place.'

Well...let's just say I want more than just a physical relationship with this guy. I mean complete attraction is one part physical but there's also a psychological factor. I've had to suffer through disappointment after disappointment in men who just couldn't match anything this one man has both physically and what he could offer me psychologically. I really need a guy who's going to just be there for me and be supportive of me because I would be the same way towards him. Contrary to what people in this armpit of a town I live in think, I have a deep well of love and devotion I'd be willing to give just one man and one man only. My biggest wish is to care for and nurture another human being who loves me back. It just feels like I've been lacking that in my life for a very long time. Plus I am always open to some earth shaking sex as well. :woot:

[kainedamo]

Dear God why is it so hard to find people here that want to date!

So I joined a paid dating site - belfast-singles. Can't get any more specific than that. I typed in the search engine - looking for females, aged 18 to 24. Turned up about 5 results. None of which are even remotely considerable. Horrible grammar and spelling aside, 3 of them are a bit too chubby, and the other two are raver girls with too much make up. So I'd have to pay this website before I could even talk to these girls. Hah! No thanks.

That website I told you about up above, the one where you could post personal ads. I replied to a bunch of the ads, and a girl got back to me very quickly. Too bad she was a total time waster, wanted me to join some site where you pay to look at ladies' webcams. What do I have to do to get a woman!

I have a lot of good qualities I could bring to a relationship. I hate when the weekend comes around and I've no one to hang with. I just get unbelievably frustrated and filled with anxiety.

[aaron]

yes because youre such a catch

[Eggyman]

Just my opinion, Kaine, but I'd steer clear of those websites. If you're wanting a proper relationship, that's the last place I'd look. They are the McDonalds of the dating world: quick, satisfaction for the first five minutes and then you feel empty, looks nothing like the picture, leaves you feeling greasy and is bad for your health.

[aaron]

thats such the stereotypical speaking from experience response

[kainedamo]

yes because youre such a catch

Am I horribly overweight?

Does my profile lack any semblance of grammar and spelling? Does my list of interests make it clear I've got NO interests outside of drinking? No.

Why should I lower my standards with these sites to contact girls I'd have no fun with and have no interest in, and they'd have no interest in me neither?

I really don't think I'm that bad looking. I'm not stricken with shyness. I'm not the most confident person, but I am once you get to know me. I have a wide range of interests, I can carry a conversation, I can make people laugh, I'm in a good course where I can put my creative skills to use.

There isn't any real reason why I shouldn't be able to get a date. But I can't. I tell myself, things will happen in their own time. But 3 years since my last girlfriend?? That would drive anyone nuts. It isn't healthy or natural for a man my age to be so dateless. Statistically speaking you would think, even if I don't have a knack for flirting, that I would have met someone.

[Eggyman]

thats such the stereotypical speaking from experience response


No it isn't. It's just what I've gathered from other people's stories on web dating. I know sometimes it works, but I was giving MY opinion on the matter. If you have your own, spit it out.

[aaron]

Am I horribly overweight?

Does my profile lack any semblance of grammar and spelling? Does my list of interests make it clear I've got NO interests outside of drinking? No.

Why should I lower my standards with these sites to contact girls I'd have no fun with and have no interest in, and they'd have no interest in me neither?

I really don't think I'm that bad looking. I'm not stricken with shyness. I'm not the most confident person, but I am once you get to know me. I have a wide range of interests, I can carry a conversation, I can make people laugh, I'm in a good course where I can put my creative skills to use.

There isn't any real reason why I shouldn't be able to get a date. But I can't. I tell myself, things will happen in their own time. But 3 years since my last girlfriend?? That would drive anyone nuts. It isn't healthy or natural for a man my age to be so dateless. Statistically speaking you would think, even if I don't have a knack for flirting, that I would have met someone.

bleh you should settle for something in your own league

[aaron]

No it isn't. It's just what I've gathered from other people's stories on web dating. I know sometimes it works, but I was giving MY opinion on the matter. If you have your own, spit it out.

im not single so idk

[kainedamo]

bleh you should settle for something in your own league

Honestly, I don't set my standards sky high.

[aaron]

post a pic of a girl you think you can get
show me your standard

[ttotheusher]

I really don't think I'm that bad looking. I'm not stricken with shyness. I'm not the most confident person, but I am once you get to know me. I have a wide range of interests, I can carry a conversation, I can make people laugh, I'm in a good course where I can put my creative skills to use.

There isn't any real reason why I shouldn't be able to get a date. But I can't. I tell myself, things will happen in their own time. But 3 years since my last girlfriend?? That would drive anyone nuts. It isn't healthy or natural for a man my age to be so dateless. Statistically speaking you would think, even if I don't have a knack for flirting, that I would have met someone.

I'm with you on this one brother. I constantly question myself: Why cant I get a girlfriend? Everything I try seems to fail, I lower my standards, talk to different people, go out more, nothings working. Sigh.

Plus, aaron, your acting a bit negative. Some people just wanna talk about their problems. Theres no harm in it, stop having a go at kainedamo.

[kainedamo]

So a girl got in contact with me after I responded to her personal ad. She texted me as her internet is down. We've changed some texts. I sent her a couple of pics. She gave me her bebo address and I had a look. And I just don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm being shallow. I have to find a girl I'm dating attractive. I'll post a couple of pics then I'll think about it when I sleep tonight.

http://file030a.bebo.com/6/large/2007/04/19/14/899748044a4149308842b795881446l.jpg

That pic is fine. Honestly.

http://file028a.bebo.com/0/large/2007/05/19/22/899748044a4427492574b615758791l.jpg

This... not so much.

Oh god, you know what? I only just clicked next and saw that one after I typed what I typed above. I can't date this girl. I don't find her physically attractive.

So the frustration continues.

[AndThePickles]

Kaine, if you're having that much trouble getting a date, maybe you should just try *one* date, even if you aren't into her from what you see over the internet.

[Mac_Hine]

So a girl got in contact with me after I responded to her personal ad. She texted me as her internet is down. We've changed some texts. I sent her a couple of pics. She gave me her bebo address and I had a look. And I just don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm being shallow. I have to find a girl I'm dating attractive. I'll post a couple of pics then I'll think about it when I sleep tonight.

That pic is fine. Honestly.
This... not so much.

Oh god, you know what? I only just clicked next and saw that one after I typed what I typed above. I can't date this girl. I don't find her physically attractive.

So the frustration continues.
Yeah, maybe just go for it for the experience. Since you are not attracted, you won't be intimidated by her and you can see if you can flirt (since you said you don't have a knack for flirting) and notice how you feel. Then use that same body language and flirting when you do meet a girl you're attracted to. So I say use this at least for practice.

[Rando]

i like a girl, she says just friends.

do i rufie her?

[Savage]

Hey, question. What's so great about being single? All I hear about are people having the time of their lives being single. Where is this party and how can I get in because being the 5th wheel all the time or watching movies by myself isn't what I call a ripping good time. People are saying they're happier single and I think I'm the only guy that doesn't get why. I can enjoy myself but it gets old really fast. You get this feeling like you've done everything already and it's pretty much because there's no companionship (in my opinion anyway). Any happy single people here? How do you manage?

[AndThePickles]

Hey, question. What's so great about being single? All I hear about are people having the time of their lives being single. Where is this party and how can I get in because being the 5th wheel all the time or watching movies by myself isn't what I call a ripping good time. People are saying they're happier single and I think I'm the only guy that doesn't get why.

Most people enjoy being single because they're out with their friends and casually dating around.

[Rando]

seriously though, i like this girl.

what do i do.

[Savage]

I do that whether I'm single or not though. Am I supposed to stop hanging out with my friends once I get into a relationship and didn't know it? Besides, my friends have relationships and lives of their own so it's not like I can see them too often. I just don't see the difference between being single and being in a relationship (besides the obvious missing relationship) that makes being single so liberating. My activities pretty much remained the same with the exception of dating the same girl.

[The Original Bamfer]

seriously though, i like this girl.

what do i do.

If she says she wants to be "just friends", then be just that. Get to know her and spend more time with her as a friend. Then, see if she feels differently. If she doesn't, there's not much you can do.

[Rando]

If she says she wants to be "just friends", then be just that. Get to know her and spend more time with her as a friend. Then, see if she feels differently. If she doesn't, there's not much you can do.
I can do that.

[Ziggyman]

^What TOB said seems to be the right thing...!

[AndThePickles]

I do that whether I'm single or not though. Am I supposed to stop hanging out with my friends once I get into a relationship and didn't know it? Besides, my friends have relationships and lives of their own so it's not like I can see them too often. I just don't see the difference between being single and being in a relationship (besides the obvious missing relationship) that makes being single so liberating. My activities pretty much remained the same with the exception of dating the same girl.

Sadly, most people see a relationship as being "tied down." Also, although you SHOULD keep hanging out with your friends, a shockingly large amount of people don't. Spoons and I are one of the few couples I know who balance relationship time and friend time, and who can hang out with friends together and not be attached at the hip.

[Knightsaber Priss]

So a girl got in contact with me after I responded to her personal ad. She texted me as her internet is down. We've changed some texts. I sent her a couple of pics. She gave me her bebo address and I had a look. And I just don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm being shallow. I have to find a girl I'm dating attractive. I'll post a couple of pics then I'll think about it when I sleep tonight.

http://file030a.bebo.com/6/large/2007/04/19/14/899748044a4149308842b795881446l.jpg

That pic is fine. Honestly.

http://file028a.bebo.com/0/large/2007/05/19/22/899748044a4427492574b615758791l.jpg

This... not so much.

Oh god, you know what? I only just clicked next and saw that one after I typed what I typed above. I can't date this girl. I don't find her physically attractive.

So the frustration continues.

I don't think Girl #2 is all that bad at all. What really counts is how they treat you. How do you know she's not a good woman whom will take care of you right instead of trampling all over your heart after she's gotten bored with you? Looks aren't everything you know.

Sadly, most people see a relationship as being "tied down." Also, although you SHOULD keep hanging out with your friends, a shockingly large amount of people don't. Spoons and I are one of the few couples I know who balance relationship time and friend time, and who can hang out with friends together and not be attached at the hip.

You know, I've lived independently on my own for so long I'd think it weird if my significant other (Wherever he is and whenever we can be together on a more permanent basis.) spent some time doing that whole male bonding thing. I'm a big enough girl to keep myself preoccupied (Heck, I've been doing it for almost 36 years.) while he's out being a typical man. I'm so trusting that it doesn't bother me if he just looks at other girls so long as that's all it is...viewing them like they're paintings in a museum. Anything more than just that wouldn't settle well with me, but I digress. I've seen way too many guys and gals make the mistake of being with their lovers/husbands/wives/etc. every moment of the day which tends to be smothering. I'm all for a little "me" time between myself and my man because you need some time away for awhile to recharge.

[kainedamo]

I don't think Girl #2 is all that bad at all. What really counts is how they treat you. How do you know she's not a good woman whom will take care of you right instead of trampling all over your heart after she's gotten bored with you? Looks aren't everything you know.

Looks aren't everything, but physical attraction is important. Both pics are the same girl. I was a little confused too, but if you lean in and look at the face you can tell its the same girl.

She misrepresented herself in her ad. I find that kind of funny that she did, but she shouldn't lie like that. There are plenty of guys that love bigger women.

And she is perhaps a bit needy. We exchanged maybe 6 texts, and she texted me at like 7 AM to say good morning.

I have the right to find the optimum mate like anyone else does.

[Nightmare]

She's not that cute in the face.

[kainedamo]

No but it wouldn't have been a big deal to me if the personality was there.

But the overall package... its not something I find remotely attractive.

Someone suggested meeting up with her for some practice, anyway. That would be a big waste of her time.

[kainedamo]

Yeah... shes texted me again! Just to say good morning, again. This girl doesn't need me to encourage her further.

[Whirlysplat]

This is so illegal posting pictures of someone without permission on an open forum.....

[kainedamo]

Eh.

[UA-Archangel]

This is so illegal posting pictures of someone without permission on an open forum.....

Actually, many judges might interpret it as fair use.

If you've given somebody a picture of yourself, it's free for them to use as they see fit as long as it's not libelous or slanderous.

[Whirlysplat]

Actually, many judges might interpret it as fair use.

If you've given somebody a picture of yourself, it's free for them to use as they see fit as long as it's not libelous or slanderous.

Actually, no they wouldn't, Posting a picture of someone and them posting it on the internet leading others to offer opinions on that person is not fair use in the U.K. It is the opinions element that negates fair use unless a person posts it on a site for opinions like hot or not. Although fair use in terms of an individual is not quite the same as corporate fair use.

[aaron]

she looks cute in the first pic

[Knightsaber Priss]

Looks aren't everything, but physical attraction is important. Both pics are the same girl. I was a little confused too, but if you lean in and look at the face you can tell its the same girl.

She misrepresented herself in her ad. I find that kind of funny that she did, but she shouldn't lie like that. There are plenty of guys that love bigger women.

And she is perhaps a bit needy. We exchanged maybe 6 texts, and she texted me at like 7 AM to say good morning.

I have the right to find the optimum mate like anyone else does.

Consider yourself lucky she texts you at all. :oldrazz: I'm still waiting for at least a direct line of communication from my beloved even if it's only to say good morning. Though a little status report on what the hell is going on in his life would be nice too.

[Angel_Faerie]

Remember that guy I slapped a a few weeks ago because he asked a a girl to the homecoming dance when he told me he wanted d to be single all this year? Well, I apologized and things are back to normal. Except for today...hehe.... I think I put him into a state of shock. You see, I wore a skirt today. This is only the second time I've worn it, and he didn't see me the first time I wore it. Today I tapped him on
the shoulder, and this is what happened:

Him: *smiles* Hi (my name)....*looks down at my legs, growng a hillarious suprized expression*...you're wearing...a skirt...that's not normal...

Me: Well, I do happen to be a girl and I think a certain boy needed to be reminded that I'm a girl.

Him: Well...on the list of people I'd never imaginend I'd see in a skirt, you were near the top...this is certainly interesting...

Me: Well...*spins a little* Ta da!

*he looks at my legs again. I blush*

Him: Certainly interestng...anyway, I gotta go or I'll be late to my club meeting. Bye!

Me: Bye!

[aaron]

ew that sounds really cringy

[AndThePickles]

A word of advice, Angel...if you're going to play the "notice me" game, it's much more effective not to say anything. Flat out telling him that he needed to be reminded that you're a girl is super awkward, same with spinning around in your skirt...it's better to just walk by him and let him stare. Sex appeal loses the appeal if you vocalize it.

[Eggyman]

A word of advice, Angel...if you're going to play the "notice me" game, it's much more effective not to say anything. Flat out telling him that he needed to be reminded that you're a girl is super awkward, same with spinning around in your skirt...it's better to just walk by him and let him stare. Sex appeal loses the appeal if you vocalize it.

:up:

Like a kung fu master. He doesn't tell you he's a kung fu master, he just kicks your arse and shows you he's one :D

err

[amazingfantasy15]

So a girl got in contact with me after I responded to her personal ad. She texted me as her internet is down. We've changed some texts. I sent her a couple of pics. She gave me her bebo address and I had a look. And I just don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm being shallow. I have to find a girl I'm dating attractive. I'll post a couple of pics then I'll think about it when I sleep tonight.

http://file030a.bebo.com/6/large/2007/04/19/14/899748044a4149308842b795881446l.jpg

That pic is fine. Honestly.

http://file028a.bebo.com/0/large/2007/05/19/22/899748044a4427492574b615758791l.jpg

This... not so much.

Oh god, you know what? I only just clicked next and saw that one after I typed what I typed above. I can't date this girl. I don't find her physically attractive.

So the frustration continues.

Dude, why'd you post her pictures here?!?! You don't deserve a date if you're going to do that. She wanted you to see what she looks like, not a bunch of people on a comic book message board. That's a huge violation of trust right there. Besides, what have we said about using non-pay dating sites? If you used one of the pay sites you would've seen what she looks like right away.

[amazingfantasy15]

Remember that guy I slapped a a few weeks ago because he asked a a girl to the homecoming dance when he told me he wanted d to be single all this year? Well, I apologized and things are back to normal. Except for today...hehe.... I think I put him into a state of shock. You see, I wore a skirt today. This is only the second time I've worn it, and he didn't see me the first time I wore it. Today I tapped him on
the shoulder, and this is what happened:

Him: *smiles* Hi (my name)....*looks down at my legs, growng a hillarious suprized expression*...you're wearing...a skirt...that's not normal...

Me: Well, I do happen to be a girl and I think a certain boy needed to be reminded that I'm a girl.

Him: Well...on the list of people I'd never imaginend I'd see in a skirt, you were near the top...this is certainly interesting...

Me: Well...*spins a little* Ta da!

*he looks at my legs again. I blush*

Him: Certainly interestng...anyway, I gotta go or I'll be late to my club meeting. Bye!

Me: Bye!

Why do you care what he thinks of you wearing a skirt? You should care what people who aren't asking other girls out. Please stop trying to get a reaction from people who have already shown they aren't interested, it's not gonna help.

[Angel_Faerie]

Why do you care what he thinks of you wearing a skirt? You should care what people who aren't asking other girls out. Please stop trying to get a reaction from people who have already shown they aren't interested, it's not gonna help.


I knew all that already. I don't really care what he thought- I mean, maybe I did a little. And legitimately wanting him to notice me was only about 40 percent of the equation. But the main reason I did that was just to see the look on his face. He didn't dissapoint. :funny:

I didn't even think of the idea until I saw him at Lunch. I just felt like wearing a skirt.

[amazingfantasy15]

I knew all that already. I don't really care what he thought- I mean, maybe I did a little. And legitimately wanting him to notice me was only about 40 percent of the equation. But the main reason I did that was just to see the look on his face. He didn't dissapoint. :funny:

I didn't even think of the idea until I saw him at Lunch. I just felt like wearing a skirt.

Okay, that's much better, you first post made it sound like you did this just to get him to notice. At the same time, if someone who isn't interested in you that way had that type of reaction, you might want to wear a skirt more often.

[ttotheusher]

I wish it was as simple as that for guys to get a girls attention...

[Eggyman]

I wish it was as simple as that for guys to get a girls attention...

I'm sure you'd get plenty of attention if you wore a skirt :yay:

[Savage]

A word of advice, Angel...if you're going to play the "notice me" game, it's much more effective not to say anything. Flat out telling him that he needed to be reminded that you're a girl is super awkward, same with spinning around in your skirt...it's better to just walk by him and let him stare. Sex appeal loses the appeal if you vocalize it.

Not for me. It's nice to get a heads up, as oblivious as I am. lol But I deviate from a lot of the standard "rules" that say I'm supposed to be attracted to certain behavior anyway.

[ttotheusher]

I'm sure you'd get plenty of attention if you wore a skirt :yay:

I think that might be classifed under "unwanted" attention though. :cwink:

[kainedamo]

Dude, why'd you post her pictures here?!?! You don't deserve a date if you're going to do that. She wanted you to see what she looks like, not a bunch of people on a comic book message board. That's a huge violation of trust right there. Besides, what have we said about using non-pay dating sites? If you used one of the pay sites you would've seen what she looks like right away.

Fair point about posting her pics here. I probably shouldn't have done that. Just wanted people to weigh in.

And I've posted about my attempts at looking around at pay dating sites. eHarmony sends me details about girls that live in England but not girls that live here.

[kainedamo]

A word of advice, Angel...if you're going to play the "notice me" game, it's much more effective not to say anything. Flat out telling him that he needed to be reminded that you're a girl is super awkward, same with spinning around in your skirt...it's better to just walk by him and let him stare. Sex appeal loses the appeal if you vocalize it.

I don't think its just me, I think a lot of guys can be very oblivious to signals.

[amazingfantasy15]

Fair point about posting her pics here. I probably shouldn't have done that. Just wanted people to weigh in.

And I've posted about my attempts at looking around at pay dating sites. eHarmony sends me details about girls that live in England but not girls that live here.

Well as someone who has used eHarmony, you need to update your preferences, I know there's a feature that gives you a radius of miles/km from where you are that you want to meet girls from.

[kainedamo]

Okay, I'll see what I can do there.

[Angel_Faerie]

Okay, that's much better, you first post made it sound like you did this just to get him to notice. At the same time, if someone who isn't interested in you that way had that type of reaction, you might want to wear a skirt more often.

That's an interesting idea. But I don't think I want to wear a skirt ever again. Apparently some boys in my Drawing class took pictures of under my skirt near the end of class without me knowing. I'm just glad a girl told me after school. I'm reporting those guys and I hope they get their asses expelled.

[amazingfantasy15]

That's an interesting idea. But I don't think I want to wear a skirt ever again. Apparently some boys in my Drawing class took pictures of under my skirt near the end of class without me knowing. I'm just glad a girl told me after school. I'm reporting those guys and I hope they get their asses expelled.

C'mon you're a senior in highschool, you should know to cross your legs if you're wearing a skirt.

[Angel_Faerie]

C'mon you're a senior in highschool, you should know to cross your legs if you're wearing a skirt.

I haven't worn skirts much in my life, so I'm not used to how I should/shouldn't sit while wearing one.

[AndThePickles]

Not for me. It's nice to get a heads up, as oblivious as I am. lol But I deviate from a lot of the standard "rules" that say I'm supposed to be attracted to certain behavior anyway.

I don't think its just me, I think a lot of guys can be very oblivious to signals.

This isn't about sending much of a signal, though...just about looking sexy.

[kainedamo]

Oh ok, I see.

There is a cute girl in my course. What do you think of the age difference between 19 and 24??

[SLVRSR4]

It's not a problem after 18 unless the gap is over six years in my opinion.

[amazingfantasy15]

Oh ok, I see.

There is a cute girl in my course. What do you think of the age difference between 19 and 24??

The age gap may be difficult only because you're probably in different stages of your life. College student vs. someone out of college, working for a living. Nothing wrong with it, I've got friends and relatives who's husbands/wives have even bigger age gaps. It all comes down to what stage in your life you're at to me.

[kainedamo]

Well, we're in the same course.

So...

Flirting techniques or techniques to get her interested in me and thinking of me as a potential mate?

Any signals to look out for to see if she has any interest?

[Erzengel]

Why don't you just start talking to her and go from there? Hi. How's it going? Excuse me, what did the professor say about the test next week?

[Mac_Hine]

Well, we're in the same course.

So...

Flirting techniques or techniques to get her interested in me and thinking of me as a potential mate?

Any signals to look out for to see if she has any interest?
Well first, you should talk with everybody in that course not just her all the time. She will see that you are social and not just after her. Have some interesting conversation first then tease her and flirt your ass off!

[AndThePickles]

Well first, you should talk with everybody in that course not just her all the time. She will see that you are social and not just after her. Have some interesting conversation first then tease her and flirt your ass off!

Somehow, I don't see Kaine managing to accomplish all of this :csad: This is good advice though, Kaine, so I would definitely try to follow it! :oldrazz:

[Gilpesh]

flirt your ass off!

I am so happy that I can't turn that off... well sometimes. :csad:

[kainedamo]

Well first, you should talk with everybody in that course not just her all the time. She will see that you are social and not just after her. Have some interesting conversation first then tease her and flirt your ass off!

The social part I can do. Sort of. I will endevour to try harder to be social in the class, and not just with her. Takes me a while to get in my comfort zone with people though.

The flirting part I'd have big trouble with. I really don't know how to flirt.

[kainedamo]

Why don't you just start talking to her and go from there? Hi. How's it going? Excuse me, what did the professor say about the test next week?

We've worked together a little bit so we're on friendly-ish terms sort of. I like Mac_Hine's suggestion of being social with other people too. I should build a general raport around the class before concentrating on her. I'm concerned I may make it too obvious with body language or whatever that I find her attractive. If I talk to her, if I don't talk to her, if I look at her, if I don't look at her, etc.

[SPIDERMAN117]

Ok I need help everyone.This chick that I like knows how I feel for her and we have had our past. But this other guy wants to ask her out but I know I feel more for her. Should I ask her out at my football game (Im in band :) Or tommorow?

[aaron]

um do you think she likes you

[Badger]

Ok I need help everyone.This chick that I like knows how I feel for her and we have had our past. But this other guy wants to ask her out but I know I feel more for her. Should I ask her out at my football game (Im in band :) Or tommorow?

No time like the present.

[Ash J. Williams]

seriously though, i like this girl.

what do i do.
I can...relate.

[SPIDERMAN117]

um do you think she likes you
Hmm seeming she broke up with this guy she didnt like at all and this one guy asked her out and she was like "No" and she has been talking alot to me I think she may like me?

[AndThePickles]

Hmm seeming she broke up with this guy she didnt like at all and this one guy asked her out and she was like "No" and she has been talking alot to me I think she may like me?

Do you have anything to go off of besides the fact that she talks to you? :huh:

[SPIDERMAN117]

We went out once and were like really close friends?

[Nightmare]

This dating thing is confusing to me, its actually pretty damn frustrating.

[AndThePickles]

We went out once and were like really close friends?

Then just ask her out and see what happens.

[SPIDERMAN117]

Then I shall do so. Thanks you I guess some kinda help?

[AndThePickles]

Ha, in this situation I don't think there really is any advice we can give...you've just got to go for it! :)

[SPIDERMAN117]

Very true the road does seem clear now for me to go in doesnt it?

[Knightsaber Priss]

Hello there everybody. It's me again. I hope you all don't mind but I really do need to vent a few romance frustrations in this thread again. After my really bad night last night at work (It was utter chaos when I entered to work my shift.) I really need to say a few things concerning the guy I've been posting about briefly in here, whom I suspect is lurking in these boards if not a full fledged member. Needless to say this is going to be quite a lengthy post.

Anyways, I've been familiar with him for a little over 12 years now and I'm no longer that addle brained 20 year old I once was, nor am I dumb. I know things happened in the past which should in this current point in time stay in the past. I don't care about it anymore and just want to look toward the future, not be chained down to events that cannot be changed. That stated, I am starting to grow really tired of all these Mission Impossible games we've been playing for over a decade. I'm half expecting Peter Graves to knock on my door and remind me to watch Biography on A&E anytime now. Enough is enough already. I've layed out all my cards for him to see so he knows how I feel about him. There's really nothing he has to prove to me anymore. I just don't see what good can come from his continued silence and inability to just talk with me. That's all I really want from him right now, some face to face, in the flesh contact. Without some sort of physical communication he's only unknowingly compounding the pain. At this point in time I feel like the main character in the original Carnival of Souls, frantically running around in silence trying unsuccessfully to get everyone's attention. It's all a very claustrophobic feeling for me to be going through. Oh what I would give to at least have him yell at me or cry on my shoulder or whatever, anything is better than this bitter silence I've had to endure for so long. Without communication there is only confusion on my part because I have no clue what his intentions are and what he's going through. He should know by now that I am a warrior but I need to know what I'm fighting for.

Just one more thing I have to add here, and I'm going to be brief about it, but I have reason to believe he might not be in a very supportive relationship if things I've learned are any indication. I'd really want to say this to him personally but he's given me no other choice in this matter, but by law he does not have to remain in a relationship where he doesn't feel like he's being loved. I know he has a friend who has been there not once but twice and he's still seemed to have done alright. Nothing seems to be holding him back but his own insecurities and what other people might think. As far as popular opinion goes, those who don't believe I love him really don't know the hell I've been going through for what seems like an infinity. The depth of my devotion runs so deep that I would seriously set aside each and every dream and ambitions I've had just to make sure he's happy and healthy. I don't need material things like expensive, imported clothing, shoes, etc. etc. I'd wear every single rag I own now and my $16 Wal-Mart sneakers just to prove that I don't care about material things or how much money he has. All I really want is his warm company and love. That means more to me than any riches in the world. He really is a nice guy and that's something I've always lacked in my life. I need him like any living thing needs water to survive. I just don't know what else I need to write here to get him to stop ignoring me like I don't even exist.

[Eggyman]

Wow, I feel for you, 'zilla.

So, your cards are on the table . . . I think it's about time for this guy to sh** or get off the pot. Seriously. There are a lot of wonderful people out there, and it sounds like you have a lot of love to give, so don't put all your eggs in one basket. No one person is worth you not having a loving relationship.

My advice, set a certain amount of time to allow for this guy to grow some, if nothing happens by then I would advise you to look elsewhere :)

[aaron]

everyones so self centered

[Eggyman]

Asking relationship advice for others doesn't quite work so well ;)

[November Rain]

Zilla, let's take a warm cup of reality here.

You and This Dude are never going to happen.

If you are waiting to stop being the other woman, then you'll always be the other woman.

Let. Him. Go.

I know you won't listen to me but you're putting all your eggs and the golden goose and the farmer who raised her and his house and property all into one basket.

if he's not with you, it should be his loss instead of making it yours. I don't know why plenty prioritise other people's feelings over their own so often. Silly Human trait.

[amazingfantasy15]

Hello there everybody. It's me again. I hope you all don't mind but I really do need to vent a few romance frustrations in this thread again. After my really bad night last night at work (It was utter chaos when I entered to work my shift.) I really need to say a few things concerning the guy I've been posting about briefly in here, whom I suspect is lurking in these boards if not a full fledged member. Needless to say this is going to be quite a lengthy post.

Anyways, I've been familiar with him for a little over 12 years now and I'm no longer that addle brained 20 year old I once was, nor am I dumb. I know things happened in the past which should in this current point in time stay in the past. I don't care about it anymore and just want to look toward the future, not be chained down to events that cannot be changed. That stated, I am starting to grow really tired of all these Mission Impossible games we've been playing for over a decade. I'm half expecting Peter Graves to knock on my door and remind me to watch Biography on A&E anytime now. Enough is enough already. I've layed out all my cards for him to see so he knows how I feel about him. There's really nothing he has to prove to me anymore. I just don't see what good can come from his continued silence and inability to just talk with me. That's all I really want from him right now, some face to face, in the flesh contact. Without some sort of physical communication he's only unknowingly compounding the pain. At this point in time I feel like the main character in the original Carnival of Souls, frantically running around in silence trying unsuccessfully to get everyone's attention. It's all a very claustrophobic feeling for me to be going through. Oh what I would give to at least have him yell at me or cry on my shoulder or whatever, anything is better than this bitter silence I've had to endure for so long. Without communication there is only confusion on my part because I have no clue what his intentions are and what he's going through. He should know by now that I am a warrior but I need to know what I'm fighting for.

Just one more thing I have to add here, and I'm going to be brief about it, but I have reason to believe he might not be in a very supportive relationship if things I've learned are any indication. I'd really want to say this to him personally but he's given me no other choice in this matter, but by law he does not have to remain in a relationship where he doesn't feel like he's being loved. I know he has a friend who has been there not once but twice and he's still seemed to have done alright. Nothing seems to be holding him back but his own insecurities and what other people might think. As far as popular opinion goes, those who don't believe I love him really don't know the hell I've been going through for what seems like an infinity. The depth of my devotion runs so deep that I would seriously set aside each and every dream and ambitions I've had just to make sure he's happy and healthy. I don't need material things like expensive, imported clothing, shoes, etc. etc. I'd wear every single rag I own now and my $16 Wal-Mart sneakers just to prove that I don't care about material things or how much money he has. All I really want is his warm company and love. That means more to me than any riches in the world. He really is a nice guy and that's something I've always lacked in my life. I need him like any living thing needs water to survive. I just don't know what else I need to write here to get him to stop ignoring me like I don't even exist.

Sorry, but from this post you still sound like that addled brained 20 year old. You've told him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same. It's time to find someone else. This post sounds just as melodramatic or even moreso than all the teenagers who post here. You've gotta get over him.

[kainedamo]

I joined a pay site called DateTheUK.

Since joining it I've recieved several mails. Thing is, I can't read them until I update my subscription and actually pay the site. But considering the fact that I haven't even uploaded a picture yet and several attractive looking girls have mailed me in a short space of time, I think the site may be trying to scam me.

[Erzengel]

First of all you should have done some research on any website you are giving money to. However, I checked DateTheUK and DateTheUK and the word hoax under google and nothing sketchy is coming up.

I mean my first inclination is that it's legit.

[aaron]

why would girls mail him if he doesnt have a picture up
actually thats more understandable

[amazingfantasy15]

I joined a pay site called DateTheUK.

Since joining it I've recieved several mails. Thing is, I can't read them until I update my subscription and actually pay the site. But considering the fact that I haven't even uploaded a picture yet and several attractive looking girls have mailed me in a short space of time, I think the site may be trying to scam me.

Just wondering, but wouldn't DateTheUK lead one to believe most of these girls will be from England, not Ireland which is one of your big problems with eHarmony? Also, most pay sites only allow you to see pictures or read emails only after you've paid them.

[Erzengel]

United Kingdom refers to England, Scotland, Wales, and North Ireland.

[UA-Archangel]

This dating thing is confusing to me, its actually pretty damn frustrating.

It's only so, if you're too much a priority on finding a steady.

The real priority should really be to do the things that you enjoy. If perchance "the one" should happen to enjoy the same things, great.

If not, you'll have had good times regardless.

[Erzengel]

Erzengel's Rules:

Dating is all a numbers game. You ask out 100 girls, a few is bound to say yes.

[amazingfantasy15]

United Kingdom refers to England, Scotland, Wales, and North Ireland.

Yeah, but I'd think the majority of girls will be on the other island.

[Erzengel]

How far is it to Scotland though? Like a few hours? :huh:

[kainedamo]

Yeah, but I'd think the majority of girls will be on the other island.

What other island? What?? lol

[Eggyman]

Haha. Think he means the bigger island where England, Scotland, and Wales are located :D

[amazingfantasy15]

How far is it to Scotland though? Like a few hours? :huh:

A few hours from London yeah, but Kaine live in Ireland, it's a whole different island

What other island? What?? lol

Aren't Ireland and England/Scottland/Wales two different islands? Or did you guys push the two of them together?

I'm not trying to discourage you Kaine, you just seem to always look for the negative aspects and this site will be full of them since it's DateTheUK, not DateIreland.

[kainedamo]

Yeah they're two different islands.

Got a bit confused by the posts up there.

But Northern Ireland is within the UK. When you join these sites and select Ireland, you would then select more specifically where you within Ireland - generally it doesn't give you the option of anything in the North.

So ya gotta select UK, then N. Ireland, then wherever ya are in NI.

[Erzengel]

How much is it to join and the monthly?

[kainedamo]

For some reason Gold membership is cheaper than Platinum. I don't get it. But not much cheaper.

Platinum...

12 months - £8.99 per month, billed in one installment of £99.99.

6 months - £11.66 per month.

3 months - £16.66 per month.

1 month - £29.99.

To convert those to dollars you basically double it. So yeah, quite expensive.

[Erzengel]

Any guarantees or you money back?

[November Rain]

platinum is a rarer material than gold, hence why gold is cheaper :up:

I wouldn't believe the requests you may have.

you're probably better off doing some dating via facebook groups than anything else. or even gumtree.

paysites end up with divorcees in their 40s/60s but i guess everyone has to start somewhere...

:dry:

[kainedamo]

Not from what I can see. Usually a site would have something like that well advertised, but I can't see that for datetheuk.

Remember how I posted a dating ad on a site where ya can post all sorts of different ads?

I just got this response...

Dearest One,

Thanks for your prompt response, In brief self introducation, I am Miss Affian Kossi ,23years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Kossi.
My father was a highly reputable business magnate-(a cocoa merchant)who operated in the capital of Ivorycoast during his days It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad year 12th.Feb. 2007.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time.But God knows the truth!

My mother died when I was just 4 years old,and since then my father took me so special. Before his death on Febuary 12 2007 he called me and disclose to me that he had a sum of $10.5 million US DOLLARS (Ten million five hundred thousand USD)deposited in a suspence account with one of the local banks here in Abidjan Ivory coast.

He also said he used my name to Deposit the fund with the bank as his only daughter, as well as the next of kin to the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business assocaites, That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money to and use it for investment purposes.

I want you to assist me in clearing this fund into your account overseas as a beneficiary of the fund,and also use it for an investment purpose.

I am just 23 years old and a high school leaving certificate holder and really don't know what to do because I'm inexperience about this matter. Now I want an account overseas where I can transfer this funds. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.

Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me as your sister or partner?

2. Can I completely trust you?

3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?

Dearest one,I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.

Please,Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible to indicate your interest in my proposal. Thank you so much and awaits to hear back from you soonest.

My sincere regards,

Affian Kossi

[kainedamo]

platinum is a rarer material than gold, hence why gold is cheaper :up:

I wouldn't believe the requests you may have.

you're probably better off doing some dating via facebook groups than anything else. or even gumtree.

paysites end up with divorcees in their 40s/60s but i guess everyone has to start somewhere...

:dry:

Gumtree! That's where I posted my dating ad, which got the response above.

[Erzengel]

Dude, you'd be a sucker if you didn't help her. She seems nice, she keeps calling you dearest one. :up:

[amazingfantasy15]

For some reason Gold membership is cheaper than Platinum. I don't get it. But not much cheaper.

Platinum...

12 months - £8.99 per month, billed in one installment of £99.99.

6 months - £11.66 per month.

3 months - £16.66 per month.

1 month - £29.99.

To convert those to dollars you basically double it. So yeah, quite expensive.

Platinum is better than gold that's why. Haven't you recently paid for a membership at eHarmony though? You might want to give that a little longer before putting down another 50-100 pounds or euros.

[November Rain]

Gumtree! That's where I posted my dating ad, which got the response above.you couldn't handle an african chick anyway, not with all that junk in her trunk...

:word:

start off scandinavian and work your way up...

[kainedamo]

Platinum is better than gold that's why. Haven't you recently paid for a membership at eHarmony though? You might want to give that a little longer before putting down another 50-100 pounds or euros.

No.

I'm waiting to see if eHarmony is ever gonna send me matches that live anywhere near me before I pay for it. I've changed the distance settings and its still sending me people from England. Maybe I didn't do something right.

[Angel_Faerie]

The "single all year" guy is oficially a liar. He now has a girlfriend. Don't know her name, don't care what it is. I had to listen for about five minutes to the girl's friend Emily (who is also sort of my friend and the guy's friend too) talk on and on about how her friend was sittng on his lap with his arms around her waist before class and how she thought she saw him put a hand on her friend's ass. I wanted to tell her to just shut up so bad. I knew he wouldn't make it a whole year. I knew the friends of mine that thought he liked me were wrong, but I was stupid enough to have a grain of hope. It wasn't that much hope, probably no bigger than a grain of sand, but apparently it was enough to completely devastate me when I heard the news.

But from despair, a ray of hope perhaps comes in the form of the guy in my government class that always talks to me. He saw me crying outside and asked me what was wrong. I told him guys are jerks. He jokingly asked if I'd like him to beat the guy up. I smirked and said no, but a nice smack upside the head would do. Later, after he and I finished our tests, we started passing notes (don't get on my case about it. people were still taking their tests and I didn't want to disturb them. the teacher didn't notice because he was updating the gradebook). I thanked him for cheering me up a little. He said no problem and asked for specifics on what happened. I told him, and he offered to kick him in the balls. I snickered and replied that I didn't think that was a good idea. He then drew me a picture of him kicking the guy in the nuts. Embarrassingly I laughed a little loud, when the room was kind of quiet. I wrote under the picture that it'd be funny to see that. He whispered "Hey! I thought you didn't want me to do that!" I said " I said I didn't want you to do that, not that it wouldn't be funny." He then drew another picture of me flying in the sky with wings (I have the nickname Tweety because my dad always called me Tweety Bird when I was little) with him on my back while a bird was staring at us. A plane was coming at the bird and an angel on a cloud was saying "Watch out, Mr. Chicken! You're gonna get hit!" I giggled at the picture and added a little bit to it. I drew an arrow toward the bird and wrote "single all year" guy's name above it. Government Guy laughed and drew a sun looking at the bird with a shocked expression saying "Omg!" Then the bell rang. And that's my two stories. Bring on the Dawon's Creek jokes.

[UA-Archangel]

Erzengel's Rules:

Dating is all a numbers game. You ask out 100 girls, a few is bound to say yes.

In my case, no.

[Gilpesh]

Bring on the Dawon's Creek jokes.

I8B1tUSudO8

[Knightsaber Priss]

Sorry, but from this post you still sound like that addled brained 20 year old. You've told him how you feel and he doesn't feel the same. It's time to find someone else. This post sounds just as melodramatic or even moreso than all the teenagers who post here. You've gotta get over him.

Okay......I know you're all trying to be helpful and I'm not going to paste each and every single reply to my post, but I'll just address everyone by this post. I apologize for being so cryptic and mysterious but if you knew the players I'm thinking of you too would be doing what I'm doing. I wish I really could let go and move on, but because of certain details which I am not going to list here I've been getting hints of mutual interest. I mean if there is no interest in me at all why have certain connected individuals been paying me visits or drivebys at work, etc. etc.? If I'm really not worth his time, I want to hear from him personally because I don't want to just tell him to bug off if he's about to make that huge decision. Let's just say I don't want to be prematurely throwing out a winning lottery ticket just because I've gotten a little gun shy. On top of this I have reason to believe he may not be the only one that has an interest in a relationship with me. Let's just say there are a few associates he's...worked with that I have added to my list of suspects. Honestly it's like I'm watching a play with the curtain down. Again, I'm not psychic here so I just cannot define all the players in this tragic comedy. Until I hear otherwise, I'm staying in a holding pattern. All I can say for now is that "they" know where I live, work, even my phone number, perhaps even my email. They have all the resources they need to contact me so I challenge them to do so. I'm interested in seeing who gets to me first. If not him some of the others aren't bad choices either. At least I know exactly what I want in a mate, unlike when I was 24.

[aaron]

are you hated by many people

[pyromaniac]

The "single all year" guy is oficially a liar. He now has a girlfriend. Don't know her name, don't care what it is. I had to listen for about five minutes to the girl's friend Emily (who is also sort of my friend and the guy's friend too) talk on and on about how her friend was sittng on his lap with his arms around her waist before class and how she thought she saw him put a hand on her friend's ass. I wanted to tell her to just shut up so bad. I knew he wouldn't make it a whole year. I knew the friends of mine that thought he liked me were wrong, but I was stupid enough to have a grain of hope. It wasn't that much hope, probably no bigger than a grain of sand, but apparently it was enough to completely devastate me when I heard the news.

But from despair, a ray of hope perhaps comes in the form of the guy in my government class that always talks to me. He saw me crying outside and asked me what was wrong. I told him guys are jerks. He jokingly asked if I'd like him to beat the guy up. I smirked and said no, but a nice smack upside the head would do. Later, after he and I finished our tests, we started passing notes (don't get on my case about it. people were still taking their tests and I didn't want to disturb them. the teacher didn't notice because he was updating the gradebook). I thanked him for cheering me up a little. He said no problem and asked for specifics on what happened. I told him, and he offered to kick him in the balls. I snickered and replied that I didn't think that was a good idea. He then drew me a picture of him kicking the guy in the nuts. Embarrassingly I laughed a little loud, when the room was kind of quiet. I wrote under the picture that it'd be funny to see that. He whispered "Hey! I thought you didn't want me to do that!" I said " I said I didn't want you to do that, not that it wouldn't be funny." He then drew another picture of me flying in the sky with wings (I have the nickname Tweety because my dad always called me Tweety Bird when I was little) with him on my back while a bird was staring at us. A plane was coming at the bird and an angel on a cloud was saying "Watch out, Mr. Chicken! You're gonna get hit!" I giggled at the picture and added a little bit to it. I drew an arrow toward the bird and wrote "single all year" guy's name above it. Government Guy laughed and drew a sun looking at the bird with a shocked expression saying "Omg!" Then the bell rang. And that's my two stories. Bring on the Dawon's Creek jokes.

This post is the one thing I find cute.

[Erzengel]

The "single all year" guy is oficially a liar. He now has a girlfriend. Don't know her name, don't care what it is. I had to listen for about five minutes to the girl's friend Emily (who is also sort of my friend and the guy's friend too) talk on and on about how her friend was sittng on his lap with his arms around her waist before class and how she thought she saw him put a hand on her friend's ass. I wanted to tell her to just shut up so bad. I knew he wouldn't make it a whole year. I knew the friends of mine that thought he liked me were wrong, but I was stupid enough to have a grain of hope. It wasn't that much hope, probably no bigger than a grain of sand, but apparently it was enough to completely devastate me when I heard the news.

But from despair, a ray of hope perhaps comes in the form of the guy in my government class that always talks to me. He saw me crying outside and asked me what was wrong. I told him guys are jerks. He jokingly asked if I'd like him to beat the guy up. I smirked and said no, but a nice smack upside the head would do. Later, after he and I finished our tests, we started passing notes (don't get on my case about it. people were still taking their tests and I didn't want to disturb them. the teacher didn't notice because he was updating the gradebook). I thanked him for cheering me up a little. He said no problem and asked for specifics on what happened. I told him, and he offered to kick him in the balls. I snickered and replied that I didn't think that was a good idea. He then drew me a picture of him kicking the guy in the nuts. Embarrassingly I laughed a little loud, when the room was kind of quiet. I wrote under the picture that it'd be funny to see that. He whispered "Hey! I thought you didn't want me to do that!" I said " I said I didn't want you to do that, not that it wouldn't be funny." He then drew another picture of me flying in the sky with wings (I have the nickname Tweety because my dad always called me Tweety Bird when I was little) with him on my back while a bird was staring at us. A plane was coming at the bird and an angel on a cloud was saying "Watch out, Mr. Chicken! You're gonna get hit!" I giggled at the picture and added a little bit to it. I drew an arrow toward the bird and wrote "single all year" guy's name above it. Government Guy laughed and drew a sun looking at the bird with a shocked expression saying "Omg!" Then the bell rang. And that's my two stories. Bring on the Dawon's Creek jokes.

You still seem to be following the same path " a ray of hope"? C'mon, sweetheart. If this guy starts to show you more attention, will you be just as heartbroken if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings? What if he just wants to be friends?

[Erzengel]

Okay......I know you're all trying to be helpful and I'm not going to paste each and every single reply to my post, but I'll just address everyone by this post. I apologize for being so cryptic and mysterious but if you knew the players I'm thinking of you too would be doing what I'm doing. I wish I really could let go and move on, but because of certain details which I am not going to list here I've been getting hints of mutual interest. I mean if there is no interest in me at all why have certain connected individuals been paying me visits or drivebys at work, etc. etc.? If I'm really not worth his time, I want to hear from him personally because I don't want to just tell him to bug off if he's about to make that huge decision. Let's just say I don't want to be prematurely throwing out a winning lottery ticket just because I've gotten a little gun shy. On top of this I have reason to believe he may not be the only one that has an interest in a relationship with me. Let's just say there are a few associates he's...worked with that I have added to my list of suspects. Honestly it's like I'm watching a play with the curtain down. Again, I'm not psychic here so I just cannot define all the players in this tragic comedy. Until I hear otherwise, I'm staying in a holding pattern. All I can say for now is that "they" know where I live, work, even my phone number, perhaps even my email. They have all the resources they need to contact me so I challenge them to do so. I'm interested in seeing who gets to me first. If not him some of the others aren't bad choices either. At least I know exactly what I want in a mate, unlike when I was 24.

So in short, there a couple of guys who like you. How long are you going to wait around for one to drop a pair and ask you out? I mean, this all sounds like high school especially if you are talking about people in their late 20s. If one or both of them don't say something, there's nothing wrong with you making the first move.

[amazingfantasy15]

Okay......I know you're all trying to be helpful and I'm not going to paste each and every single reply to my post, but I'll just address everyone by this post. I apologize for being so cryptic and mysterious but if you knew the players I'm thinking of you too would be doing what I'm doing. I wish I really could let go and move on, but because of certain details which I am not going to list here I've been getting hints of mutual interest. I mean if there is no interest in me at all why have certain connected individuals been paying me visits or drivebys at work, etc. etc.? If I'm really not worth his time, I want to hear from him personally because I don't want to just tell him to bug off if he's about to make that huge decision. Let's just say I don't want to be prematurely throwing out a winning lottery ticket just because I've gotten a little gun shy. On top of this I have reason to believe he may not be the only one that has an interest in a relationship with me. Let's just say there are a few associates he's...worked with that I have added to my list of suspects. Honestly it's like I'm watching a play with the curtain down. Again, I'm not psychic here so I just cannot define all the players in this tragic comedy. Until I hear otherwise, I'm staying in a holding pattern. All I can say for now is that "they" know where I live, work, even my phone number, perhaps even my email. They have all the resources they need to contact me so I challenge them to do so. I'm interested in seeing who gets to me first. If not him some of the others aren't bad choices either. At least I know exactly what I want in a mate, unlike when I was 24.

Don't wait for them to ask you out if you're really this interested then, it's the 21st century be a woman and ask them out. Right now you sound like a high school girl with a crush, hoping the star quarterback will ask you to the homecoming dance.

[AndThePickles]

I agree with what the men have said! When I sensed that my current sig other was interested in me as more than just a friend, I made the first move in expressing romantic feelings for him. If I hadn't, we might have never become a couple.

[Angel_Faerie]

You still seem to be following the same path " a ray of hope"? C'mon, sweetheart. If this guy starts to show you more attention, will you be just as heartbroken if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings? What if he just wants to be friends?

"Ray of hope" simply meant he cheered me up when I was really down. Brightened my day a bit. And right now I'm not extremely attracted to him. I mean, he's cute and nice, but if he wants to be friends I can live with it because my feelings aren't all that strong towards him at this point. If he makes a move, great. But I'm not doing a thing right now.

[amazingfantasy15]

"Ray of hope" simply meant he cheered me up when I was really down. Brightened my day a bit. And right now I'm not extremely attracted to him. I mean, he's cute and nice, but if he wants to be friends I can live with it because my feelings aren't all that strong towards him at this point. If he makes a move, great. But I'm not doing a thing right now.

Woohoo! You're learning!

[Erzengel]

Yah!!! First step. :)

[Angel_Faerie]

Woohoo! You're learning!

Yes, I'm not completely stupid. I'm capable of learning. :hehe:

I considered asking him to the Girl's Choice dance in November, but seeing how well the last time I asked a boy to a Girl's Choice dance went, I decided against it.

[amazingfantasy15]

Yes, I'm not completely stupid. I'm capable of learning. :hehe:

I considered asking him to the Girl's Choice dance in November, but seeing how well the last time I asked a boy to a Girl's Choice dance went, I decided against it.

Well, it is only the beginning of October, maybe closer to the dance you'll have a better read on how he feels about you. If you do feel he'd say yes to going to the dance though, it'd probably be better to go out on a date or two before hand, there's already enough pressure at a school dance you don't want to add to it by this being your first date with this guy.