*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Knightsaber Priss]

There's a female friend of mine that's mentioned before that she wants to go out, but the thing is, her ex still lives with her. And it's her place, she pays the rent, but she says he has "nowhere to go." I basically said, we ain't taking it beyond friendship until his ass is completely phased out of your life. If she can't do it, that's on her.

Just keep sticking to your guns. Why is she taking it upon herself to be responsible for that SOB like he was her child anyway? Guys have no issues throwing an ex out of their place.

[DarthDaveBanner]

Not really....he's an unemployed personal trainer who sells coke and weed.....her explanation...."I'm lonely and he's still hot"....Ive known her for 10 plus years and now I'm not talking to her because she's being a moron

Ok lol I admit in this instance its bad and general its never a good idea. My friends say they would be majorly pissed at me if I ever got back with my ex.
But still.....
oh apparently my ex engaged to the guy she left me for. That sucks, to put it lightly.

[BlackLantern]

same happened with an ex of mine....we dated for 3 years and were engaged...she's from a small family and wanted to have kids right away....I wasn't sure yet, she took it as I didn't love her and it led to a nasty breakup.....I found out about 9 months later she was getting married to someone else...I'm better off because I learned something

[DarthDaveBanner]

All I've learned so far is that people can be so eeeeevil lol.
And that the "everything happens for a reason" cliche is total bull.

[BlackLantern]

I think you have to find your reasons and make peace with whats happened....

[DarthDaveBanner]

I'm pretty sure I will once I find a reason to.

[amazingfantasy15]

I went out last night and there was a hot girl who I wanted... but I'm always the one who talks 1 minute too long were I should have made my move. I always screw that part up.

We were flirting...she was laughing and playing with her hair. When my friend took a pic she shoved her breasts in my face. She was probably ready for me to make a move like most guys but I didn't want to be "most guys" to her and go for that too soon (big mistake). We talked some more....I let her walk off and talk with friends and I went and talked to some people. I looked in her direction, she looked in mine, we smiled at each other while talking to other people and made funny flirty gestures from across the room.

I just assumed she would want to come back to me after all that and then I could make my move. I was seriously looking for a corner to take her when she walked behind the bar and let some dudes take pictures. Then I went to the bathroom and when I came back she was hugging some dude who she had been flirting with earlier. I sat around for 20+ minutes while he made all the moves physically never really letting her go (she seemed to enjoy it so nothing I could do). They sat down together and were basically all over each other. It was apparent who she was going home with so I made my leave and shook her hand saying nice to meet her... she was like "thanks sweety".

I was like, crap, that could have been me but I waited a second too long. :o

In that situation you needed to be like "most guys" cause she wasn't looked for that nice, boyfriend material guy, she was looking for that guy to make out with in the bar, then screw her brains out. You going over to say bye to her shows just how much in the wrong mindset you were, she probably called you sweety cause she had no clue what you're name was.

[amazingfantasy15]

Oh...he is serious, so much so that he's trying scare tactics and whatnot to get me to comply, like insinuating I'm going to become a vegetable from an accident. (Related to that, you yourself could be the safest motorist in the world, but that doesn't mean anything when another much more careless driver is involved. Most fatalities happen because the other driver killed the safe driver.) You know, the only thing that accomplishes is driving me further away from humanity in general. You know, I am better off alone without all this dramatic bulls***. I wish they'd all just leave me alone because I don't want anybody right now. I just want to be with me and that's served me well all my life. F*** relationships period. I'm through with all this and i just want to be me again.

*edit* I guess at this stage I'm just bitterly angry because it's insinuated all is going to be death and destruction for me if I don't romantically choose this ex over all other guys. Seriously, if he was a normal person this would be arrestable stalker behavior. He just hasn't learned that I am never going to give in to him, not now or ever. All I want is 100% freedom from all that he is so I can go back to being normal again, not henpecked and stressed out. The more he does this, the less I am inclined to trust anyone but myself. Every scheme of his will just backfire miserably. He needs to just listen and leave me alone period. As far as I'm concerned, I don't exist to him. I want nothing to do with him at all, and that other guy for that matter. I just need to heal and find myself on my own a guy I have no past with at all.

You keep talking about this ex and how much control he still has over you. Stop letting him have that control, stop answering calls or emails from him, however he's contacting you, ignore him, if he doesn't get the hint, get a restraining order. Then start doing some for you, find a hobby to pursue, exercise something that will raise your self esteem, give you confidence, that confidence will reflect in other aspects of your life and make you seem that much more attractive. If you act in real life, like you do in your posts here, there's a reason you're not attracting a good guy because you're turning them off with this "woe is me" crap.

[Anita18]

All I've learned so far is that people can be so eeeeevil lol.
And that the "everything happens for a reason" cliche is total bull.
Maybe not "everything happens for a reason," but there's always karma. :cwink: Which worked for me - remember that ex and his gf after me? He had the idea that she was more sexual than I was, but it actually turned out she had a lot of hang-ups about everything and only made his self-consciousness worse from being around her all the time. :o

In that situation you needed to be like "most guys" cause she wasn't looked for that nice, boyfriend material guy, she was looking for that guy to make out with in the bar, then screw her brains out. You going over to say bye to her shows just how much in the wrong mindset you were, she probably called you sweety cause she had no clue what you're name was.
Exactly. I don't call anyone sweetie unless I really mean it, so if you're looking for someone to call you sweetie right off the bat, I'm not your girl.

But the good thing is, when I do get to that stage, that means you're really special. :yay: But maybe most guys don't have that kind of patience. :funny:

as far as dealing with ex's....for some reason people seem to lack the ability to completely cut people off, and that number seems to be growing. there will always be people that can't let go....but I've seen people I know go back to an ex or stay in regular contact because of some silly reason....I just found out one of my closest friends has been seeing her ex secretly for about 4 months.....
I think people in general are afraid of change, or having to look forward without looking back.

IMO, looking back wastes time. Onward, ho!

[BlackLantern]

I think people in general are afraid of change, or having to look forward without looking back.

IMO, looking back wastes time. Onward, ho!

The problem is most people fear being alone, or having to start over and society has condition people to think you have to have someone to be a complete person and that just isn't true

[terry78]

The problem is most people fear being alone, or having to start over and society has condition people to think you have to have someone to be a complete person and that just isn't true

"When are you gonna get married?"

"Don't worry about it, Ma!"

[Anita18]

The problem is most people fear being alone, or having to start over and society has condition people to think you have to have someone to be a complete person and that just isn't true
Screw society and the media. :oldrazz:

But seriously, it's not your or my loss if people can't get over that sort of hang-up. We have better things to do in life than wait for someone to come around. :cwink:

[Anita18]

"When are you gonna get married?"

"Don't worry about it, Ma!"
I can see that sort of question come up if you had been with someone for over a year, LOL. But it's hilarious, my mom is all nervous about the thought of me getting into a relationship or getting married or whatever, and she was PREGNANT with me at my age. :oldrazz:

[amazingfantasy15]

Exactly. I don't call anyone sweetie unless I really mean it, so if you're looking for someone to call you sweetie right off the bat, I'm not your girl.

But the good thing is, when I do get to that stage, that means you're really special. :yay: But maybe most guys don't have that kind of patience. :funny:

Not really the point I was trying to make, but oh well, good to know?

[Anita18]

Not really the point I was trying to make, but oh well, good to know?
Just something from a girl's point-of-view. :cwink:

It sometimes makes me :csad: / :whatever: (depending on my mood :woot: ) when a lot of guys go for the same girl because she gives them all attention.

[terry78]

Just something from a girl's point-of-view. :cwink:

It sometimes makes me :csad: / :whatever: (depending on my mood :woot: ) when a lot of guys go for the same girl because she gives them all attention.

Is attention slang for bj?

[Anita18]

Is attention slang for bj?
:lmao: I must have gone to the wrong clubs, man!

[Wolfwood]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or not, but I just gotta share this story to kind of get it off my chest more (already shared it with my best friend, but why not share it with 100s of anonymous strangers on the web?)

So I work as an after school teacher and I have this mom who helps out in my class. She's a single mom, really cool, she's into anime and video games and all that. She's also a total MILF, I wont lie. We kind of like casually flirt, but little stuff that a guy and girl who are friends would do. Well the other day she called me for advice on something and we were talking for awhile and somehow the conversation turned towards me and she found out that I haven't really been with a girl, so she kind of threw it out there that we could be friends with benefits and that freaked me the hell out. I mean I like her, she's a nice lady, but I don't really want to **** her lol. I'm just totally freaked out and I gotta go to work in 30 minutes and see her. I just can't believe that this fine looking girl approached ME to be **** buddies, that's...just impossible.

[BlackLantern]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or not, but I just gotta share this story to kind of get it off my chest more (already shared it with my best friend, but why not share it with 100s of anonymous strangers on the web?)

So I work as an after school teacher and I have this mom who helps out in my class. She's a single mom, really cool, she's into anime and video games and all that. She's also a total MILF, I wont lie. We kind of like casually flirt, but little stuff that a guy and girl who are friends would do. Well the other day she called me for advice on something and we were talking for awhile and somehow the conversation turned towards me and she found out that I haven't really been with a girl, so she kind of threw it out there that we could be friends with benefits and that freaked me the hell out. I mean I like her, she's a nice lady, but I don't really want to **** her lol. I'm just totally freaked out and I gotta go to work in 30 minutes and see her. I just can't believe that this fine looking girl approached ME to be **** buddies, that's...just impossible.

Do it....you've been given a gift....

[Erzengel]

Nothing like having a willing teacher. :up:

[amazingfantasy15]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or not, but I just gotta share this story to kind of get it off my chest more (already shared it with my best friend, but why not share it with 100s of anonymous strangers on the web?)

So I work as an after school teacher and I have this mom who helps out in my class. She's a single mom, really cool, she's into anime and video games and all that. She's also a total MILF, I wont lie. We kind of like casually flirt, but little stuff that a guy and girl who are friends would do. Well the other day she called me for advice on something and we were talking for awhile and somehow the conversation turned towards me and she found out that I haven't really been with a girl, so she kind of threw it out there that we could be friends with benefits and that freaked me the hell out. I mean I like her, she's a nice lady, but I don't really want to **** her lol. I'm just totally freaked out and I gotta go to work in 30 minutes and see her. I just can't believe that this fine looking girl approached ME to be **** buddies, that's...just impossible.

Why don't you want to f her? Are you gay? Is that why you've never been with a girl? Or do you just want the first time to be very special with the woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with? If it's option two, that's not going to happen, it won't be magical, so take this girl up on her offer.

She could have just been joking with you as well. Today will probably give you a little more insight into whether she was joking or not.

[BlackLantern]

Why don't you want to f her? Are you gay? Is that why you've never been with a girl? Or do you just want the first time to be very special with the woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with? If it's option two, that's not going to happen, it won't be magical, so take this girl up on her offer.

She could have just been joking with you as well. Today will probably give you a little more insight into whether she was joking or not.

Agreed...no one ever has a "magical" first time....it's usually very sweaty and awkward

[Wolfwood]

She wasn't ****ing around with me, she made that quite clear lol.

And no I'm not gay and I'm not waiting for a magical moment either, I just feel freaking awkward about this whole situation. I don't think I'm the type of guy that can **** a chick and just leave it at that.

[BlackLantern]

She wasn't ****ing around with me, she made that quite clear lol.

And no I'm not gay and I'm not waiting for a magical moment either, I just feel freaking awkward about this whole situation. I don't think I'm the type of guy that can **** a chick and just leave it at that.

********...we all have that capacity...some people just suppress it because they're Sally Sensitive....are you one of those, Sally?? I think not....you get in there and.....get in there.....if she doesn't have a problem with it, neither should you

[Trainwreck2100]

She wasn't ****ing around with me, she made that quite clear lol.

And no I'm not gay and I'm not waiting for a magical moment either, I just feel freaking awkward about this whole situation. I don't think I'm the type of guy that can **** a chick and just leave it at that.

I myself have never been to the promised land, but an opportunity like that doesn't come along every day, and its probably better in the long run to work the kinks out.

[Erzengel]

You'll also know how to handle the real thing when it comes along and not be all fumbly and sweaty palms.

[Anita18]

I dunno, I think it'd be weird to be FWB with someone you work with. But that's just me and nobody's offered anyway. :oldrazz:

[Cunning Stunts]

She wasn't ****ing around with me, she made that quite clear lol.

And no I'm not gay and I'm not waiting for a magical moment either, I just feel freaking awkward about this whole situation. I don't think I'm the type of guy that can **** a chick and just leave it at that.

Do it anyway. Believe me, you'll do one of two things:

1.- Get REALLY attached, and want to be in an exclusive relationship.

2.- Be totally prepared for more, and in turn, WANT more, with or without the relationship.

[Wolfwood]

I decided to reject her advances, but she's leaving her offer on the table for me. Apparently whips, corsets and her tongue ring are all in play if I say yes.

[XSpidercideX]

*deleted*

[XSpidercideX]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or not, but I just gotta share this story to kind of get it off my chest more (already shared it with my best friend, but why not share it with 100s of anonymous strangers on the web?)

So I work as an after school teacher and I have this mom who helps out in my class. She's a single mom, really cool, she's into anime and video games and all that. She's also a total MILF, I wont lie. We kind of like casually flirt, but little stuff that a guy and girl who are friends would do. Well the other day she called me for advice on something and we were talking for awhile and somehow the conversation turned towards me and she found out that I haven't really been with a girl, so she kind of threw it out there that we could be friends with benefits and that freaked me the hell out. I mean I like her, she's a nice lady, but I don't really want to **** her lol. I'm just totally freaked out and I gotta go to work in 30 minutes and see her. I just can't believe that this fine looking girl approached ME to be **** buddies, that's...just impossible.

Holy freakin bing bong, I'd be all over that ****. Damn, I've never had this happen to me. That would be so badass....its always the girls I don't want who try to **** me. This girl I did want found out I had never been with anyone (she was smokin hot) she got disappointed and never did anything with me, even though she had just told me she was going to bed with me earlier. She even thought I was cute too. Instead she ****ed my friend cuz he had experience. God I fall for the ****iest women. I mean seriously WTF, I'll never get over that ****.

[Anubis]

Next time, lie.

[Anubis]

And as for Wolfwood, you fool. You foolish fool!!!

[XSpidercideX]

Next time, lie.

Definitely, I was stupid and thought she would be like wow, this guy is saving himself for someone special and get more interested. Guess it doesn't work that way. :o

[Anubis]

Depends on the chick. Obviously, a chick that says she's gonna bang you and is rather blunt about it, is the person you lie to. She probably wont enjoy herself, and end up regretting having wasted her time with you, but eh, who cares? As long as you enjoy yourself. :o

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I've learned from experience that you NEVER tell a girl that you are a virgin. They will want nothing to do with you based SOLELY on that fact alone. Anything you do from that point on is futile, she will never change her opinion of you based solely on the fact that you are a virgin.

[Cunning Stunts]

I've learned from experience that you NEVER tell a girl that you are a virgin. They will want nothing to do with you based SOLELY on that fact alone. Anything you do from that point on is futile, she will never change her opinion of you based solely on the fact that you are a virgin.

Uh, that's a pretty big generalization to make. Just about every girl who was a non-virgin that was interested in me said they were so because of my "innocence". That could have been in combination with my personality (as I've heard I supposedly can't be a virgin, given the way I talk and act :whatever:), but it seems to be a trait women like, ESPECIALLY if you play the, "It's by choice," card (so long as it's either true or well-played off as true).

I think the 40 Year Old Virgin types are definitely turn-offs, but that's less because they're virgins and more because they're just unattractive, whether physically or personality-wise, which is likely part of the reason they're virgins anyway. Also, if you play it off like you're a virgin who is desperate to lose his virginity (which I've noticed a lot of the overtly geeky types do, when talking about sex), that's most definitely a turn-off as well.

[Anita18]

I've learned from experience that you NEVER tell a girl that you are a virgin. They will want nothing to do with you based SOLELY on that fact alone. Anything you do from that point on is futile, she will never change her opinion of you based solely on the fact that you are a virgin.
I dunno, I wouldn't mind all that much. Mostly because I'm in the same boat myself. :oldrazz: I'm on the fence about telling guys I'm a virgin. Some guys would probably get scared off (ZOMG there must be something wrong with her!) and I think some guys would be like giddidy giddidy giddidy. http://www.fsuniverse.net/forum/images/smilies/panik1.gif Which I'd want to avoid as well...

[Wolfwood]

Yeah the fact that I'm a virgin has actually played favorably to a lot of girls, hell look at my FWB situation. That wouldn't have happened if I weren't a virgin lol.

[Erzengel]

I decided to reject her advances, but she's leaving her offer on the table for me. Apparently whips, corsets and her tongue ring are all in play if I say yes.

How old are you? :huh:

Edit: Your profile says 23.

New question, is there a reason why you are waiting? :huh:

[Superman79]

So I step out of the boards to actually work for a change, and when we come back we find out that Wolfwood is either high, foolish, or gay? wow...I gotta slack off more at work so I don't miss this stuff...

[Cunning Stunts]

Yeah the fact that I'm a virgin has actually played favorably to a lot of girls, hell look at my FWB situation. That wouldn't have happened if I weren't a virgin lol.

Are you sure you're not just like, terrified of sex? Or a social misfit? Everyone I know would take this in a heartbeat... :huh:

[Anita18]

Are you sure you're not just like, terrified of sex? Or a social misfit? Everyone I know would take this in a heartbeat... :huh:
I'd be creeped the heck out, frankly. :oldrazz: And I'm 25. But I'm a chick, soooo...

[Cunning Stunts]

I'd be creeped the heck out, frankly. :oldrazz: And I'm 25. But I'm a chick, soooo...

Yeah, it'd be weird at first for me. I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation, but I know a ton of guys who would pounce on it.

[NoName86]

Really, I just need to vent about this to someone, and I don't want to with anyone close to me to be honest because then they might start to get opinions about my girlfriend, but anyways....

A few weeks back my girlfriend told me she wanted to get a hold of her ex to see how he is, she told me today that she texted him because she felt like something could be wrong with him. I think she got that hunch from one of her friends who used to be good friends with her ex, and evidentally he hasn't talked to him in months either (her ex is in the army down in oklahoma). I guess I don't feel threatened, but at the same time in my experience I would never think of talking to any of my ex's.

[Anubis]

So basically, you're saying that you don't really feel comfortable with her contacting her ex.....don't say anything.

[Erzengel]

Really, I just need to vent about this to someone, and I don't want to with anyone close to me to be honest because then they might start to get opinions about my girlfriend, but anyways....

A few weeks back my girlfriend told me she wanted to get a hold of her ex to see how he is, she told me today that she texted him because she felt like something could be wrong with him. I think she got that hunch from one of her friends who used to be good friends with her ex, and evidentally he hasn't talked to him in months either (her ex is in the army down in oklahoma). I guess I don't feel threatened, but at the same time in my experience I would never think of talking to any of my ex's.

If you found out something was wrong with your ex would you try and contact them?

[AndThePickles]

I think she's just being a decent human being. Unless she hated the guy, I think making sure he's alive is normal. I despise my last ex, so I'd never check up on him. However, only you know your girlfriend and whether you feel she's still feeling attached to him.

[NoName86]

If you found out something was wrong with your ex would you try and contact them?
to be honest, no.

[Daisy]

to be honest, no.

Just because you feel that way about your exes doesn't mean everyone does. I have three exes I keep in touch with (one of which is in the military) and if I don't hear from one of them for a while, I send a note or something just to see how they're doing. It doesn't mean I want to get back together with them (definitely not). In two cases, we simply broke up amicably and remained casual friends. In the other case, we broke up far less than amicably, but due to circumstances had to continue to be around each other and after a while (okay, a couple years) managed to come around to be friends.

[Erzengel]

I have a couple of exes that are married but I drop them a line every now and then, wish them a happy birthday or congratulations.

[Anita18]

If you found out something was wrong with your ex would you try and contact them?
I would.

My boss was upset one day because he found out his ex-gf (who had gone on to become a great doctor at a prominent medical school) had committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. Things like that just get to you.

[Daisy]

I have a couple of exes that are married but I drop them a line every now and then, wish them a happy birthday or congratulations.

Yeah, that too.

[amazingfantasy15]

I would.

My boss was upset one day because he found out his ex-gf (who had gone on to become a great doctor at a prominent medical school) had committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. Things like that just get to you.

Did she commit suicide because he didn't call to congradulate her?

[Anita18]

Did she commit suicide because he didn't call to congradulate her?
:whatever: No, I think she must have had clinical depression or something. I think she was married with a family too. :csad:

[TripleR]

Hey, i'm not sure if this is even the right thread for this, but i guess it kind of fits the relationship advice theme. i can't beleive i'm about to spill my guts like this to people i don't know, but i'm going nuts here and really don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about it because i don't want to seem like a ***** or ruin anyone else's good time... lol i just kinda need to vent and get some input so i can try and make up my mind.

So anyway, heres my story. i'm a senior in high school and my proms coming up. for years me and my best friends were in this tight group, me, a guy, anther guy and his gf... me and my single friend never really had any relationships over the past few years (nothing serious anyway), it was usually just us 4, and we were all fine and happy with that. around the end of summer or the beginning of this fall, suddenly we began hanging out with some female friends of the girl in our group, and sometimes some of their friends too. it was cool, everyone seemed to get along, we all liked it and over time these 2 different groups kinda mixed into one and we all would hang out and party and watever...

so about 2 months ago me and the other single guy in our group were talking, and the prom subject came up. we knew our friend and his gf were going to have to go to the prom, she'd make him take her, so me and him thought it'd be a fun idea if me and him asked his gf's friends we'd gotten to know. figured itd work out perfect, we all got along, us 3 guys could have fun ********ting all night, the girls would have fun together, and the one actual couple would get to have their prom. turns out we were really wrong lol.

i dont feel like getting into all the gorey details, but the girl i was supposed to take wound up going kind of psycho ***** on all of us (except me), to the point where no one, not even the other 2 girls who were her best friends, could possibly stand her. now if she was my actual gf id have still taken her, or at least tried to smooth things over between everyone, but i knew it wasnt going to work, they all hated her guts, and when i tried to calmly talk to her about it and see if it could be worked out, she flipped out on me too. start lying and telling me bs about how my best friends don't want me there, she had to fight to get me invited to afterprom (when in actuallity they only invited her because i wanted them to in the first place), and all this ****. i just ran out of patience and said **** it, u dont like them, we don't like you, you shouldnt come with us...

so now i was left without a date, which wouldn't be too bad if not for the fact that during this time period after we asked them to prom, my friend and his date began flirting, and eventually started hookin up and stuff. i'm not jealous, i don't like the girl that way, and i'm happy my best friend wound up gettin somethin good outa all this even though it blew up in my face lol, and if he was gonna date anyone im glad shes someone we all like and get along with.

it wuldn't be an issue if those two weren't actually together cause then we'd be 5 friends chilling, but now i'm kinda stuck as the 5th wheel going to prom with 2 couples. it's bad enough sitting in my living room as they all kiss and im left watchin tv alone, i don't think i want to spend all this money to go and be alone and depressed as they dance or make out or whatever, know what i mean?

as far as finding another date, theres one or two girls i've considered, but the problem is the two girls in our group don't like one at all, and i've had more than enough drama so i won't even think about asking her, and the other one i don't think would say yes, and even if she did i don't think we'd all get along too well, shes kinda shy and reserved, exact opposide of the rest of us. theres a reason for 4 years the 4 of us stuck to eachother, our group can be kinda hard to get along with lol.

i talked about it with them a little bit a week ago. they all still say they want me to go, one even said he's pretty sure he'd kill me if i *****ed out and didnt come lol, and i beleive them, so it's not like im unwanted (then again i know they'd be happy enough without me there), but i still think it'd be kinda awkward and a little bit depressing for me. then again, i know that if i don't go i'll end up sitting at home even sadder, knowing i missed out on one of our last big nights beore college splits us all up, albeit ill have saved about $350.

so theres my long, annoying story that i know no one probably read lol... in short, i have no idea what to do... pay the $150 deposit due Tuesday and just pray i can find a date, and if not end up being the 5th wheel to 2 couples and depressed for half the night? or do i just say **** the whole thing, stay home lonely and depressed, and end up really regretting it when i hear about the fun the next day and see all the pictures and stuff? should i even attempt asking this other girl, or should i just quit while i'm ahead and forget about this?

anyone who actually bothered to read all that, thanks, and i'd aprecciate any advice.

[Knightsaber Priss]

This might be because I'm experiencing some post-operation depression, but i'm really wishing this guy I'm interested in would just tell me he likes the girl upstairs instead of stringing me along, maybe trying to "teach me a lesson" or something. Right now if he'd be happier with her I wish he'd just be honest because I've been honest with him. Basically just like the lyrics to that Shiloh song, if I'm not the one he wants I just want to be set free.

[Cunning Stunts]

Tell him.

[PyroChamber]

I have a question, is love really that hard to give up?

Like if a couple keeps breaking up and getting back together again and again, and they say it's because they love each other is really the case or is it just that they can't find anyone better so they just keep coming back? And this isn't a good girl/bad guy type of thing I mean just a regular couple.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Tell him.

I'd like to but I'm not really thinking straight right now. I've just had half my neck sliced up, I have a drainage tube hanging from it, and I'm under the effects of hydrocodone for the pain and it's not a pleasant experience. Plus there's the fact that I can't really see him in person at the moment.

[Cunning Stunts]

I have a question, is love really that hard to give up?

Like if a couple keeps breaking up and getting back together again and again, and they say it's because they love each other is really the case or is it just that they can't find anyone better so they just keep coming back? And this isn't a good girl/bad guy type of thing I mean just a regular couple.

It certainly is hard to give up, especially if you spend a decent amount of your time with that person over a long period.

The couples that usually keep splitting and getting back together, however, on the other hard... There are definitely cases like you stated (where they split to find someone better, but can't), but a lot of times it's because they think breaking up will solve their problems, when in all actuality, it doesn't. Really, it just makes things worse in most cases, and gives yet another reason to hold ill will toward someone- ESPECIALLY if one person in the relationship hooked up with someone else during the "break-up".

[Cunning Stunts]

I'd like to but I'm not really thinking straight right now. I've just had half my neck sliced up, I have a drainage tube hanging from it, and I'm under the effects of hydrocodone for the pain and it's not a pleasant experience. Plus there's the fact that I can't really see him in person at the moment.

Why do you even post here? You obviously don't want our advice.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Why do you even post here? You obviously don't want our advice.

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made by whomever it is that wants the best for me that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now what with having major surgery this past Thursday. (Remember, I had a large tumor removed from my neck?) All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.

[Cunning Stunts]

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now. All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.

:pal::lmao:

You've got to be ****ing kidding me. It's no wonder guys don't like you. :whatever:

And if you know the best advice someone can give you, why ask for it? And why just keep stepping past the advice you're given and repeatedly talk about yourself and your problems?

I'm really starting to think you don't even want a boyfriend, and that you just want attention in any form you can get it. I can't be sympathetic of someone considering herself above "mere mortals", who just comes to this thread to cry, ask for advice, and then not listen.

[BlackLantern]

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now. All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.

there's your problem....being hung up on someone, you tend to idealize them or tell yourself that there is no one else but them. The world is a big place.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Like I said....I'd need to tell you guys names, and I'm not at liberty to do so. But if I can, you'll be the first ones I'll PM.

[RachelDawes]

Eternal Angel, do you post anywhere but on the Community boards? I don't think I've ever seen you discussing superheroes.

[BlackLantern]

I was so hung up on this one girl when I was in my late teens early twenties, we were in the USN together....o jeezus, I worshipped the ground she walked on....we eventually got together and I quickly learned that the idea of her, what I had in my head was vastly different from reality

[Cunning Stunts]

That kind of thing happens a lot (and did to me a lot in high school). It's a terrible feeling.

[Cunning Stunts]

Like I said....I'd need to tell you guys names, and I'm not at liberty to do so. But if I can, you'll be the first ones I'll PM.

George Clooney? Brad Pitt? Jesus?

[Anubis]

I was so hung up on this one girl when I was in my late teens early twenties, we were in the USN together....o jeezus, I worshipped the ground she walked on....we eventually got together and I quickly learned that the idea of her, what I had in my head was vastly different from reality

I had that same problem. I mean, I thought she pooped honey buns.....and then she banged my cousin. Gotta tell you, I ain't really been right since.

[Cunning Stunts]

If that is true...

You sir, are worthy of a medal for not having gone ape-****.

[Anubis]

Who said I didn't go ape s**t? I kicked his ass and banged her sister. Didn't make me feel better.....and now I gots all these trust issues.

[Cunning Stunts]

Still worthy of a medal. For something.

[Sarge 2.0]

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made by whomever it is that wants the best for me that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now what with having major surgery this past Thursday. (Remember, I had a large tumor removed from my neck?) All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.
And what the **** does that make you? :huh:

[Mdizzle]

I have a question, is love really that hard to give up?

Like if a couple keeps breaking up and getting back together again and again, and they say it's because they love each other is really the case or is it just that they can't find anyone better so they just keep coming back? And this isn't a good girl/bad guy type of thing I mean just a regular couple.


In my experience, there are many different types of love. In any case, so long as it's genuine, I think anyone who experiences it will do what they can to hold onto it.

With respect to your comments about couples who break up and get back together, it could be a number of things. Some ppl crave certainty and stability more than "love," so they are afraid of being alone or letting go of a sure thing. Sometimes the feelings are just unresolved I think, and the passion may still be there on some level.

[Mdizzle]

And TripleR, why not just go to prom with a group of friends? Don't make the emphasis on the couple aspect. See it as just a huge party. Besides, it's much easier if you go stag anyway--you won't feel any obligation to spend most of your time with your "date" and can go mingle with anyone you please.

[terry78]

And what the **** does that make you? :huh:


I swear, this thread just makes the entire board worth signing up for.

[Crazy Flakes]

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made by whomever it is that wants the best for me that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now what with having major surgery this past Thursday. (Remember, I had a large tumor removed from my neck?) All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.
It seems like every time someone offers you advice or support you spit it back out at them. My advice? See a therapist. You've either got a major superiority complex or some severe self-esteem issues.

[Anita18]

I swear, this thread just makes the entire board worth signing up for.
Doesn't it?

:lmao:

[Swordmaster]

It seems like every time someone offers you advice or support you spit it back out at them. My advice? See a therapist. You've either got a major superiority complex or some severe self-esteem issues.

Or both.

:huh:

[Gilpesh]

Doesn't it?

:lmao:
It's hilariously great.... TO THE MAX!

[Dark Phantom]

I've been doing a lot of self-doubting lately and I keep asking myself if I've made the right decisions regarding relationships with people.

I'm a senior in High School, about to graduate. Last summer, I was involved in this whole complicated mess between 2 girls who were fighting over me. Never the less it was really exciting. Every day was an adventure and the girl who finally got me happened to already be in a relationship with a friend of mine. Morally, I knew it was wrong doing things behind his back, but like this was the first time I ever experienced something so intense with a girl. This was the first time I actually felt a passionate connection with a girl, like we were soul mates. Eventually, the girl's parents caught us together alone in her house so she was grounded for a month and that ended it between us.

However because that "relationship" was so exciting and because i developed such strong feelings for her, I needed to forget about her because I knew after that incident nothing could ever happen between us ever again. Btw, I'm glad it ended, in retrospect. However after that "relationship" i felt the need to keep dating other girls and somehow find someone that would match the feelings I had for her. Rule of advise, love does not work like that. You can't force yourself to like someone through artifical means or through replicating moments from past relationships.

I learned this the hard way when at the beginning of this school year I finally got to date this girl who I had a crush on for a while. However i was so anxious because i figured "this is the girl ive been waiting for. me and that summer girl were never meant to be so i can be with this one". I was anxious in fact i was afraid another one of my friends, lets call him sean, would make a move first, as he always does. So I rushed into things with this new girl. I tired replicating moments and i couldn't bring myself to create enough new moments that would only belong to me and this new girl. Also, this new girl differed from summer girl, in that this new girl was more clingy and dependent upon me. I kept imagining how for the rest of my senior year, she would be attached to me. then in college i wouldnt get the chance to see if there was someone better. I became empty and depressed. although i wanted to keep her with me in the worst way, i knew it was for the wrong reasons and i broke up with her. now guess who got her on the rebound and is dating her to this day? My friend Sean. Such is Irony.

I just keep thinking, maybe had i sticked with this new girl, maybe i would have eventually gotten over summer girl and concentrated on her. maybe i should have taken it slow and natural. because looking back, losing her was not worth it at all. i had a miserable lonely year. So was there a reason for us not ending up together? is there someone out there for me that fate is waiting to throw at me?

[Anubis]

Why do you feel that you and the summer girl can't be together anymore? She move away or something? Cuz if you're worried about her parents or the fact that she has a thing going on with a friend of yours, well, I gotta tell you, teens have been banging behind their parents backs for eons. And bros before ho's is a seldom followed rule.

[Cunning Stunts]

I've been doing a lot of self-doubting lately and I keep asking myself if I've made the right decisions regarding relationships with people.

I'm a senior in High School, about to graduate. Last summer, I was involved in this whole complicated mess between 2 girls who were fighting over me. Never the less it was really exciting. Every day was an adventure and the girl who finally got me happened to already be in a relationship with a friend of mine. Morally, I knew it was wrong doing things behind his back, but like this was the first time I ever experienced something so intense with a girl. This was the first time I actually felt a passionate connection with a girl, like we were soul mates. Eventually, the girl's parents caught us together alone in her house so she was grounded for a month and that ended it between us.

However because that "relationship" was so exciting and because i developed such strong feelings for her, I needed to forget about her because I knew after that incident nothing could ever happen between us ever again. Btw, I'm glad it ended, in retrospect. However after that "relationship" i felt the need to keep dating other girls and somehow find someone that would match the feelings I had for her. Rule of advise, love does not work like that. You can't force yourself to like someone through artifical means or through replicating moments from past relationships.

I learned this the hard way when at the beginning of this school year I finally got to date this girl who I had a crush on for a while. However i was so anxious because i figured "this is the girl ive been waiting for. me and that summer girl were never meant to be so i can be with this one". I was anxious in fact i was afraid another one of my friends, lets call him sean, would make a move first, as he always does. So I rushed into things with this new girl. I tired replicating moments and i couldn't bring myself to create enough new moments that would only belong to me and this new girl. Also, this new girl differed from summer girl, in that this new girl was more clingy and dependent upon me. I kept imagining how for the rest of my senior year, she would be attached to me. then in college i wouldnt get the chance to see if there was someone better. I became empty and depressed. although i wanted to keep her with me in the worst way, i knew it was for the wrong reasons and i broke up with her. now guess who got her on the rebound and is dating her to this day? My friend Sean. Such is Irony.

I just keep thinking, maybe had i sticked with this new girl, maybe i would have eventually gotten over summer girl and concentrated on her. maybe i should have taken it slow and natural. because looking back, losing her was not worth it at all. i had a miserable lonely year. So was there a reason for us not ending up together? is there someone out there for me that fate is waiting to throw at me?

I'm going to try to be as nice as possible with this:

You virtually made the every mistake possible at every possible turn.

It's high school. Chances are incredibly strong that you're not soul mates. Second, you made the mistake of hooking up with your boy's girlfriend behind his back. As Anubis said, bros before hos is rarely followed, but you broke the rule, and although I don't believe in retaliation against your own close friends or your significant other, you ultimately got what you deserved.

Third, why are you planning on dating a girl if you're only going to see who's hotter and better when you go off to college? You shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl if that's all you're planning for the future, especially with a girl that clingy. If you didn't like her clingy attitude, you should have let her know, and if she didn't stop it, broken it off with her.

My guess would be that you're only vying for this girl because you lost her, and even more so because you "lost her" in a manner in which she will be so close still. Now, not only do you have twisted feelings for this girl, it'll be that much more awkward if you hang out with the two of them.

See why us guys gotta stick to "bros before hos"?

[Cunning Stunts]

I swear, this thread just makes the entire board worth signing up for.

Doesn't it?

:lmao:

It truly does. I really wish half these users would read their own posts before asking, "Why am I a s****y boyfriend/girlfriend?"

[Anubis]

You're too young for that love crap anyway. Take it easy. Sleep around. Get the Clap.

[Cunning Stunts]

And TripleR, why not just go to prom with a group of friends? Don't make the emphasis on the couple aspect. See it as just a huge party. Besides, it's much easier if you go stag anyway--you won't feel any obligation to spend most of your time with your "date" and can go mingle with anyone you please.

EXACTLY.

I went to both of my proms stag, and although the second was awkward as hell because I was with a group of friends who weren't very fond of me (nor was I really that close to, as it was my only year at that high school), the first was much more fun. I got to dance with all the girls I wanted to dance with, and had absolutely no monetary obligations other than to myself. I spent half the night taking pictures with every hot chick at prom, then spent the rest of the night dancing with them all.

Throughout high school, I had a date to TWO dances. During the first date (freshman homecoming), my date danced with me once, and avoided me on all other accounts. The second time (Sadie Hawkins Dance- where the girls ask the guys, for those that don't know- senior year), I went with a girl who had a HUGE crush on me (from another school). None of my friends knew here, and the few that did weren't too fond of her. On top of that, there was a lot of drama between me and my ex because of this girl, so the entire dance was weird.

In high school, the best way to go in most cases is not set your eyes on the future (relationship-wise) and avoid drama. I found that the best way to do that was just as MDizzle said: don't NEED a date for these dances. It's more fun to do it the James Bond way. :word:

[Cunning Stunts]

You're too young for that love crap anyway. Take it easy. Sleep around. Get the Clap.

Seriously. You're not in love in high school. You're just curious.

[Gilpesh]

Has there ever been a 'problem' in this thread that wasn't, "I banged my friend's lady... and continue to, what should I do!?!?!?" or "I can't find someone better than there mere mortals..."?

[Anubis]

Well, I was asked last year by a friend to have sex with his wife while he watched. Should I have said yes?

[Gilpesh]

That's no problem. You should have just said yes.... and then convinced him to not watch.... and let you do it whenever you wanted.

[Cunning Stunts]

Has there ever been a 'problem' in this thread that wasn't, "I banged my friend's lady... and continue to, what should I do!?!?!?" or "I can't find someone better than there mere mortals..."?

:pal:

I honestly can't explain how hard I laughed when I read that.

I almost gave a real-life facepalm too.

[Anubis]

That's no problem. You should have just said yes.... and then convinced him to not watch.... and let you do it whenever you wanted.

Yeah, but i'm already doing that with somebody elses wife.

[Gilpesh]

Yeah, but i'm already doing that with somebody elses wife.
Well then that's what we call... threesome time.

[Anubis]

Devils threeway or the good kind? Cuz I'm never doing that s**t again. :o

[Gilpesh]

The good kind. Both wives, at once.

[Anubis]

Hmmm, interesting.....I might even consider letting creepy pants record such a thing. :o

[Gilpesh]

Now that would make him agree in a heartbeat.

[Anubis]

Bah, but the hard part will be convicing the one i'm already banging to have a threesome. I mean, it's never worked in the past with antbody else. No matter how drunk they get. :o

[Gilpesh]

Say it will spice up your affair... so you won't go looking outside of the affair for sex.

[Anubis]

Ha! Too late for that.

[Wiseman]

Why is it when we're young relationship problems means you aren't getting laid, and when you get older relationship problems means your guy/girl pisses you off so bad you just want to shake them like an unwanted baby?

[Gilpesh]

Ha! Too late for that.
I dunno. There was something about treating an affair like a marriage that needed to be spiced up... that was hilarious to me.

[Anubis]

It really is hilarious, cuz it's actually true. In a sense, i'm her boyfriend on the side. She tells me she doesn't even sleep with him anymore. To be faithful to me. I'm thinking, I don't really care what you do. He's your husband. I don't even really like you. That's what i'm thinking, what I say, is "well....thanks....?" I guess. I hope she is aware that if he ain't getting any from her that he's probably cheating on her as well. And all the while, i'm still doing my own thing. Oh, to be young and in complicated relationships. I don't think I can really keep this up anymore.

[Gilpesh]

I don't think I can really keep this up anymore.
And that folks... is why it's called settling down. :hehe:

[amazingfantasy15]

Put it this way, the guy I like is not very easy to reach. It's a very complicated situation in that all I can't tell you who he is. Even if I did you'd call me a crazy stalker. (Which I am not. Hell, I don't even know where the guy lives.) There is only one person who knows everything that i know, and she's my best friend I trust with my life. The kind of advice you guys give me is for just mere mortals anyway. This guy does not live above me. I just can't walk up to an easily accessible apartment and let words fly out of my mouth anyways. And like I said, I've been under the potent effects of hydrocodone aka Vicodin so I'm barely coherent to myself as it is. I guess the best advice anyone can give me is to tell me to just be patient and let things unfold as they're intended to. Decisions need to be made by whomever it is that wants the best for me that I cannot make and I just cannot do anything right now what with having major surgery this past Thursday. (Remember, I had a large tumor removed from my neck?) All I'm asking for is some support and people to "listen" to me when I need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on.

You really need to grow up, you say you're in your 30s, but your posts in this thread sound like a teenagers problems. Here's what you do, call the guy and ask him out, Women's Lib has occured you don't need to wait for the guy to make the first move. Oh wait, you're on pain killers, last year I severed my achilles tendon, the day after asking a girl out, so once I was done with surgery and on painkillers, that barely masked big time pain, I had to call her and explain why I had to postpone the date and try to revise our plans to go out. It's not hard really. Don't let decisions be made by anyone except you, why do you let other people control your life, take your life back. Ignore your ex and ask this new guy out, cause you are a mere mortal like the rest of us and you need to start acting like it.

[BlackLantern]

When you tell yourself that the person you are involved with or hung up on lives by different rules, you've already lost....life is not about one person

[The Spawn]

Yes it is.


























Well, if that person is you.

[Anubis]

Contrary to popular belief, the whole world really does revolve around you.....as far as you're concerned that is.

[Dark Phantom]

Why do you feel that you and the summer girl can't be together anymore? She move away or something? Cuz if you're worried about her parents or the fact that she has a thing going on with a friend of yours, well, I gotta tell you, teens have been banging behind their parents backs for eons. And bros before ho's is a seldom followed rule.

Well, summer girl, suprisingly *sarcasm*, did not end up to be the "soul mate" i thought. She proved to be very flaky and flirty with other guys at least a week after the incident because she said to me "i really dont think i can bring you around ym parents without it being awkward." Mind you the incident allowed me to meet her dad for the first time...not a great first impression. and like i said, i'm actually glad things ended. it was a doomed relationship from the start and i should have been more responsible and put a stop to it...but she didnt put a stop to it either. so we're both to blame.

I'm going to try to be as nice as possible with this:

You virtually made the every mistake possible at every possible turn.

I was afraid you'd say that. Because every day I have to live with this guilt inside me and I can't forgive myself. I feel like I don't deserve to be forgiven...or happy for that matter.

It's high school. Chances are incredibly strong that you're not soul mates. Second, you made the mistake of hooking up with your boy's girlfriend behind his back. As Anubis said, bros before hos is rarely followed, but you broke the rule, and although I don't believe in retaliation against your own close friends or your significant other, you ultimately got what you deserved.

Karma is a ***** :csad:

What's worse is that usually i'm the one always getting screwed over. i guess i thought if i played at their game, luck would be good to me.

Third, why are you planning on dating a girl if you're only going to see who's hotter and better when you go off to college? You shouldn't be in a relationship with a girl if that's all you're planning for the future, especially with a girl that clingy. If you didn't like her clingy attitude, you should have let her know, and if she didn't stop it, broken it off with her.

My problem was that after summer girl, i became very indecisive of what i wanted. see me and summer girl worked together...in a...uhhh....community theater. and usually after performances you meet friends of the cast at a restraunt. she went from giving me all the attention to ignoring me and flirting with other guys. she was the kind of girl who can just b.s her way through a conversation and people would think she was really engaging. i guess what my point is, after being crushed by someone like that, i felt the need to have some personal revenge and hook up with as many girls as possible. The hook ups that followed led to the new girl who was my goal to get in a serious relationship. but during the time we spent together, i felt so tainted, because summer girl was my first romance and it happened in a very cinematic magical kind of way. me and this new girl started to go out very abruptly with no feeling of build up or suspense...no thrill of the chase. That's my downfall. i need to chase after a girl in order to enjoy the prize. i know its so selfish and shallow, but for some reaosn i cant change this about myself. thats why i kept thinking about the rest of my senior year and college. like i was expecting my senior year to be exciting and full of suprises. i figured having a girlfriend that didn't take any effort would make my every day routine really boring.

My guess would be that you're only vying for this girl because you lost her, and even more so because you "lost her" in a manner in which she will be so close still. Now, not only do you have twisted feelings for this girl, it'll be that much more awkward if you hang out with the two of them.

See why us guys gotta stick to "bros before hos"?

You're exactly right. but I just don't know what to do about myself. its been 6 months that my friend and this girl have been going out and every day it pains me. because i reaally really liked, still like, this girl. i tried so hard to move on from her, but i pathetically realized that she was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Cunning Stunts]

Don't worry dude. It's just one mistake. I was your same exact shoes, where I was always getting screwed over by girls, but when I finally had that "power" of choosing which girls I wanted, I was a mess and had no clue what to do. I ultimately wound up hurting a lot of people.

The best thing to do is learn from it, and move on. Take everything day-by-day, and unless you're out of college and financially stable, don't look at the long-term with women. These are your years- worry about yourself, your education, and your career. I hate to say this, but women have to come second to that at this point in your life (same goes for women about men).

No problem with starting over. In fact, if you're not in college yet, it'll be that much easier for you when you move away. When you're away from everyone and everything, it becomes that much easier to start a brand new social life (don't ditch the people who are your true friends, however). It's a clean slate, use it, and remember the lessons you learned from your mistakes. Everything gets fixed over time, dude, so don't let the problems get you down.

[Mdizzle]

Don't worry dude. It's just one mistake. I was your same exact shoes, where I was always getting screwed over by girls, but when I finally had that "power" of choosing which girls I wanted, I was a mess and had no clue what to do. I ultimately wound up hurting a lot of people.

The best thing to do is learn from it, and move on. Take everything day-by-day, and unless you're out of college and financially stable, don't look at the long-term with women. These are your years- worry about yourself, your education, and your career. I hate to say this, but women have to come second to that at this point in your life (same goes for women about men).

No problem with starting over. In fact, if you're not in college yet, it'll be that much easier for you when you move away. When you're away from everyone and everything, it becomes that much easier to start a brand new social life (don't ditch the people who are your true friends, however). It's a clean slate, use it, and remember the lessons you learned from your mistakes. Everything gets fixed over time, dude, so don't let the problems get you down.

I like this. You think like me. :word:

If I have any piece of advice to give, it's follow your heart, as corny as that sounds. Do what feels right to you, even if you end up getting burned. Not everyone is looking for the same thing, so indulge along the way, and you'll be richer for the experience. At this point I would not recommend planning for the future--I agree with Stunts, live in the moment and take it as it comes. If you meet someone or someones and you have chemistry, follow it, and let it be. Be happy with whatever it is, whether it's pleasure of the moment, or possibly something more. I think most ppl make the mistake of "looking for something," so they're constantly disappointed by what they "find." Let things evolve naturally, and even if they don't, just delight in the experience and good company.

[Be Snikt-Happy]

hey how would you approach hot girls walking / running at the park? keep in mind its a park you often go to, so if you **** it up remember youll probably see them again.

[Cunning Stunts]

I like this. You think like me. :word:

That's because we're one pair of bad mother****ers. :word:

hey how would you approach hot girls walking / running at the park? keep in mind its a park you often go to, so if you **** it up remember youll probably see them again.

It's a park you often go to, not necessarily that person. Besides, if she turns you down, who cares if you see her again? It's not like you have a work or class commitment with this person and will have to see her for six hours a day.

Just approach her and begin talking to her about something relevant. Maybe start out with, "Do you come around here often? I haven't seen you much..." even if you have. She'll almost definitely get the idea that you're flirting immediately, so worrying about whether or not she knows is pointless. Go with your gut, and be yourself. And use humor. Good-hearted humor... I.e.: NOT using racial jokes, sexist jokes, etc. Even poke fun at her a little, but don't be downright demeaning. As a matter of fact, it's probably best you poke fun at yourself (and compliment her in the process), but don't be outright hateful toward yourself, because then she'll probably get the picture that you're some self-loathing manic-depressant, and want nothing to do with you.

[Be Snikt-Happy]

hey thanks man. i dont need tips really on what to say after approaching her, but what gets me is figuring out something to say without being too direct to open with like "i couldnt help but notice.... you are... absolutely stunning."

hey are you at the park often? is something ive been thinking about using. i guess maybe i already know what to do, but needed to hear a 2nd opinion. any other suggestions would be great because by the end of two weeks i will have tried them to see what happens (except "wanna *****" type lines stuff.)

[Anubis]

You'd be surprised how often "wanna ****?" actually works.

[Dark Phantom]

You'd be surprised how often "wanna ****?" actually works.

are you speaking from experience?

[Anubis]

Yes. I am. 1 out of every 10 drunk chicks will take you up on that offer. 1 out of 20 for the Sober ones. Odds go up even more so if you happen to hang out at Sex addicts anonymous meetings.

[Be Snikt-Happy]

its not that wanna **** doesnt ever work. but its not the approach im going for. im not pulling that one out any time soon

[Wolfwood]

Just a small update for those who remember me and my troubles with a hot mom who wanted to be friends with benefits....


I had snu snu. :o

http://i207.photobucket.com/albums/bb209/Mister_Servo/snusnu.png

[Erzengel]

I'm curious what made you change your mind? Except for the obvious.

[-JKR-]

Hey, how would YOU react if you found out that one of your best friends is secretly seeing your last ex (for who you still have feelings... and your friend knows it)?

[Erzengel]

I think that was f'ed up on your best friend's part and I would call them on it.

[-JKR-]

I just found out today by accident and... you know, I'm quite an impulsive fella, so I don't know how I managed not to break his face right away. I decided to act like I didn't know anything, at least for today. Now I'm here and I don't know what to do but the thing I'd like to do most right now is to jump on his ****ing face.

It's been a few weeks since we split up, he knows that I had a hard time and that I still feel something for her. They've been seeing each other since this weekend.

Needless to say: I feel like ****. This is the guy who I've been talking to when we split up and who was helping me go through these hard times.

[Mdizzle]

Hey, how would YOU react if you found out that one of your best friends is secretly seeing your last ex (for who you still have feelings... and your friend knows it)?

Not cool at all...they say it's not worth breaking up a friendship over a piece of ass, male or female. But in these kinds of situations, especially when they weren't up front about it, that is some serious breakage of trust and show of disrespect. In a way, it's forgivable because a friendship is almost always more important than a simple lay. But at the same time, that shows lack of character on the part of your friend. Not knowing the details, I'd seriously reconsider wanting this individual as a friend.

[amazingfantasy15]

hey how would you approach hot girls walking / running at the park? keep in mind its a park you often go to, so if you **** it up remember youll probably see them again.

If they're running they'll probably ignore you, since they most likely aren't looking to meet someone.

[Be Snikt-Happy]

thats old world thinking my friend. you act like its impossible.

[Cunning Stunts]

If they're running they'll probably ignore you, since they most likely aren't looking to meet someone.

Eh, when someone's single (and looking), it most likely doesn't matter what they're doing, especially if whoever approaches them is particularly attractive. Sadly to say, if the person approaching isn't, I'd guess that the person would be highly likely to brush you off, unless you have a sort of undeniable charm that she can't help but notice.

[amazingfantasy15]

Eh, when someone's single (and looking), it most likely doesn't matter what they're doing, especially if whoever approaches them is particularly attractive. Sadly to say, if the person approaching isn't, I'd guess that the person would be highly likely to brush you off, unless you have a sort of undeniable charm that she can't help but notice.

I guess it's just me then, cause when I'm out running, I'm not looking for someone. Maybe I'm also just seeing it from the wrong perspective, in my head, I'm seeing this girl running in the park and Snikt-Happy waving his hand, trying to flag her down and talk to her.

[Cunning Stunts]

Lmao, yeah, that would probably be a little awkward. In my opinion, just kind of slowing down when you run past her to speak with her would be the best option.

[Anita18]

Hey, how would YOU react if you found out that one of your best friends is secretly seeing your last ex (for who you still have feelings... and your friend knows it)?
It's rather lame.

And I wouldn't keep such a friend, but I have no qualms about dropping toxic people. Plus I'm an introvert so I only have a few trusted friends anyway. :oldrazz:

Lmao, yeah, that would probably be a little awkward. In my opinion, just kind of slowing down when you run past her to speak with her would be the best option.
Coming from a shy paranoid chick, I'd say that if you actually do see this girl multiple times, smile and say hi as you pass her. Some stranger running by and stopping to initiate a conversation screams, "This guy wants to kidnap me."

But then again, I'm paranoid. :funny:

[Crook]

Not cool at all...they say it's not worth breaking up a friendship over a piece of ass, male or female. But in these kinds of situations, especially when they weren't up front about it, that is some serious breakage of trust and show of disrespect. In a way, it's forgivable because a friendship is almost always more important than a simple lay. But at the same time, that shows lack of character on the part of your friend. Not knowing the details, I'd seriously reconsider wanting this individual as a friend.

It's rather lame.

And I wouldn't keep such a friend, but I have no qualms about dropping toxic people. Plus I'm an introvert so I only have a few trusted friends anyway.
Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.

[amazingfantasy15]

hey how would you approach hot girls walking / running at the park? keep in mind its a park you often go to, so if you **** it up remember youll probably see them again.

Seeing your posts in the fitness thread about trying to pick up girls at the gym, you seem really into finding a fitness girl. I'd say rather than trying to pick up random girls running in the park or at the gym, start taking some classes at the gym or join some kind of running group. It's a much less creepy way to meet someone. I was training for a marathon this winter and ran with a group on Saturday, it was the perfect time and place to strike up a conversation, you had at least an hour and ran at a pace where you could have a conversation and already have something in common. Just try to find something in your area, a lot of running stores have weekly group runs or couch to 5k training that can help you stay healthy and be a good way to meet more fitness orientated girls.

[AndThePickles]

Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.

Even when the person is supposed to be your best friend? That is beyond awkward. It's not about being bitter, it's about it being all kinds of uncomfortable to know that your best friend is dating the same person you did, being intimate with them, etc. It's particularly bad in this case, because the relationship is obviously NOT over for him, because he still has feelings for the ex.

[katie_girl09]

I just found out today by accident and... you know, I'm quite an impulsive fella, so I don't know how I managed not to break his face right away. I decided to act like I didn't know anything, at least for today. Now I'm here and I don't know what to do but the thing I'd like to do most right now is to jump on his ****ing face.

It's been a few weeks since we split up, he knows that I had a hard time and that I still feel something for her. They've been seeing each other since this weekend.

Needless to say: I feel like ****. This is the guy who I've been talking to when we split up and who was helping me go through these hard times.
Whoa. That is intense. Others are welcome to say different, but I would cut off that friend. To me, they aren't even worth fighting with. Its not even about the girl, its the fact that he would stab you in the back like that without caring that's disturbing. That is the type of person who will double-cross you again (and maybe even worse next time) if it meant him getting something that he wanted.
Stay away. They deserve each other. That's my advice.

[amazingfantasy15]

Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.

Sounds like it's been less than a month, that's still a pretty fresh wound. The friend should've at least asked if it was cool to ask out his ex.

[Crook]

Even when the person is supposed to be your best friend? That is beyond awkward. It's not about being bitter, it's about it being all kinds of uncomfortable to know that your best friend is dating the same person you did, being intimate with them, etc. It's particularly bad in this case, because the relationship is obviously NOT over for him, because he still has feelings for the ex.
The relationship is done with. Regardless of any leftover feelings. Not to sound cruel...but get over it. If he/she doesn't want you, then why bother fawning over them? The competition (even if it's your best friend) shouldn't have to get permission. There is no existing ownership or bond.

Hypothetically speaking, what if the two are perfect for each other and sparks fly automatically? Should they sacrifice THEIR feelings because of someone with an aching heart? Again, it sounds beyond selfish to me.

[amazingfantasy15]

The relationship is done with. Regardless of any leftover feelings. Not to sound cruel...but get over it. If he/she doesn't want you, then why bother fawning over them? The competition (even if it's your best friend) shouldn't have to get permission. There is no existing ownership or bond.

Hypothetically speaking, what if the two are perfect for each other and sparks fly automatically? Should they sacrifice THEIR feelings because of someone with an aching heart? Again, it sounds beyond selfish to me.

So if you're best friend starting seeing your ex behind your back 3 weeks after she broke up with you you'd be cool with that.

You'd be cool seeing them together when you hanging out, especially since they're a new couple and probably can't keep their hands off each other. I you have a girlfriend now, imagine your best friend making out with her in front of you, do you think you could be cool with that?

[Crook]

I'd be a huge hypocrite if I voiced otherwise. Then again I was never the one to have problems with cutting off emotional ties. Nonetheless, it doesn't make it any more right to get in other people's business if you can't.

[Anita18]

Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.
No, it's not the fact that his friend is seeing his ex. It's the fact that the friend KNOWS he's still hurt over it and is seeing the ex anyway without even talking to him about it.

I mean, isn't that what best friends are for? Being able to tell the other person anything?

Keeping secrets, especially hurtful ones, between best friends is lame. :down: If they feel they can do that to you, then the friendship isn't really there.

[Crook]

No, it's not the fact that his friend is seeing his ex. It's the fact that the friend KNOWS he's still hurt over it and is seeing the ex anyway without even talking to him about it.
Why is he obligated to talk to him about it if they're split up? Look at it objectively without the standards you were raised at. There is no inherent need to keep a relationship update. None.

I mean, isn't that what best friends are for? Being able to tell the other person anything?
What does that have to do with anything in this context? They're called ex's for a reason. He doesn't have to tell him crap. It doesn't involve him anymore. If the girl was cheating, and the friend knew about it, and didn't tell his best bud...THAT would be wrong. But that's not the case here. Ties are severed, so there is absolutely no obligation to inform them of anything if they don't want to.

Keeping secrets, especially hurtful ones, between best friends is lame. :down: If they feel they can do that to you, then the friendship isn't really there.
It's unfair to judge without knowing the entire situation. As I said before, maybe the two are madly attracted to one another and they simply don't want to hurt his feelings. However, the saying goes, "what you don't know, won't hurt you". In a way, a favor is being done by keeping that secret. Surely we can all sympathize with such a maneuver.

[Anita18]

Why is he obligated to talk to him about it if they're split up? Look at it objectively without the standards you were raised at. There is no inherent need to keep a relationship update. None.

It's unfair to judge without knowing the entire situation. As I said before, maybe the two are madly attracted to one another and they simply don't want to hurt his feelings. However, the saying goes, "what you don't know, won't hurt you". In a way, a favor is being done by keeping that secret. Surely we can all sympathize with such a maneuver.
I dunno, I don't agree. But it's a personal thing anyway. I try to keep the drama down in all aspects of my life, and that means being honest and forthcoming about everything. And not dating my friend's exes shortly after they've broken up. :oldrazz:

Obviously this guy is hurt, which shows that this friend's way of going about things was wrong in this situation. If they were best friends, he should have known that.

[Mdizzle]

Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.

Which is why I said that some ppl value friendship over a piece of ass, and wouldn't let that come between them...but I think the issue at hand here is your friend doing something that would upset you and not bringing this issue to you up front. I'm pretty damn sure that anyone who's ever been in deep with a partner and then broken up would have residual feelings. The better way of approaching this would be to be straight forward--honesty is right up there with respect, imo. If you're the friend who wants to date the ex, then I would man up and be honest about it. Personally, if the friend showed me enough respect to discuss it with me instead of, as it's implied, "sneaking around," I'd be more likely to let it fly. It's true that "hoarding" your exes can be selfish--but if the other person is showing you no less respect, I'm likely to side with the person "scorned."

Without a negative or positive connotation, I think treating this as "free game" is an indication of what you value. Specifically, your definition of loyalty and how far this relates to matters of the heart. For some, getting heartbroken is a minor inconvenience, so there is no real harm done if exes overlap--you can still be tight with your buddy and show loyalty in other ways. It all depends on how much it matters to the friend, I think. If he's truly bothered by it, I wouldn't shoot first and ask questions later.

Short of the other person wearing a ring, which is where I draw the line, I think almost anything can be fair game if it's approached in the "right" way.

[Mdizzle]

The relationship is done with. Regardless of any leftover feelings. Not to sound cruel...but get over it. If he/she doesn't want you, then why bother fawning over them? The competition (even if it's your best friend) shouldn't have to get permission. There is no existing ownership or bond.

Hypothetically speaking, what if the two are perfect for each other and sparks fly automatically? Should they sacrifice THEIR feelings because of someone with an aching heart? Again, it sounds beyond selfish to me.

There's selfishness on both parts then--those who act on their feelings without considering the feelings of the friend, and the friend for deciding to "hoard" his exes. I can see it either way.

Again, it all depends on how much this type of stuff matters to you or your friend. If neither of you can be bothered, then go ahead. I don't think it's a solid choice to make if it upsets someone who's supposed to be close to you--competition or not. That goes for any other type of behavior, not just in love and war. I think it's all about how much consideration you show for the other person, and if that's not a huge deal, then so be it. However, if he's hurt by it, I'm pretty sure you're not on the same page about it.

[Crook]

I dunno, I don't agree. But it's a personal thing anyway. I try to keep the drama down in all aspects of my life, and that means being honest and forthcoming about everything. And not dating my friend's exes shortly after they've broken up. :oldrazz:

Obviously this guy is hurt, which shows that this friend's way of going about things was wrong in this situation. If they were best friends, he should have known that.
He'll get over it, lol. Look at it this way, if you and your best friend both had a passion for a certain career in which they were turned down, and you were offered the same position 6 months later, would you take it up? Even if said friend is still upset over it and would probably be even more agitated upon the discovery of your opportunity?

Which is why I said that some ppl value friendship over a piece of ass, and wouldn't let that come between them...
Again, that's judging. If there's a legitimate reason to go after an ex (i.e. not for a free-f**k), then I don't see that as the same thing.

The better way of approaching this would be to be straight forward--honesty is right up there with respect, imo. If you're the friend who wants to date the ex, then I would man up and be honest about it. Personally, if the friend showed me enough respect to discuss it with me instead of, as it's implied, "sneaking around," I'd be more likely to let it fly. It's true that "hoarding" your exes can be selfish--but if the other person is showing you no less respect, I'm likely to side with the person "scorned."
Honesty is never an absolute best method. I think that's naive. I can give you about a dozen scenarios where a white lie, or even withholding the truth altogether would be "better for everyone". People react differently. To assume that his friend would go "oh you're honest, ok go right ahead" is reaching. If he's hurt, there's a likelihood he wouldn't be fine.

Without a negative or positive connotation, I think treating this as "free game" is an indication of what you value. Specifically, your definition of loyalty and how far this relates to matters of the heart. For some, getting heartbroken is a minor inconvenience, so there is no real harm done if exes overlap--you can still be tight with your buddy and show loyalty in other ways. It all depends on how much it matters to the friend, I think. If he's truly bothered by it, I wouldn't shoot first and ask questions later.

Short of the other person wearing a ring, which is where I draw the line, I think almost anything can be fair game if it's approached in the "right" way.
Fair enough, I can agree with that. I don't want to give the wrong idea that I'm an untrustworthy friend who'd backstab someone at a moment's glance. It's just that in this particular scenario, I don't think there's an obligation here. This ex-couple is "A" and "B", not "AB", if that makes sense. Their paths are separated the moment that relationship ends.

There's selfishness on both parts then--those who act on their feelings without considering the feelings of the friend, and the friend for deciding to "hoard" his exes. I can see it either way.
I see it this way; the lack of future between the two has been determined. Not so much for the best friend who seeks a relationship. Given that, I don't think it's unreasonable for the ex to step-aside and let someone else pursue a relationship.

[Mdizzle]

Again, that's judging. If there's a legitimate reason to go after an ex (i.e. not for a free-f**k), then I don't see that as the same thing.

Honesty is never an absolute best method. I think that's naive. I can give you about a dozen scenarios where a white lie, or even withholding the truth altogether would be "better for everyone". People react differently. To assume that his friend would go "oh you're honest, ok go right ahead" is reaching. If he's hurt, there's a likelihood he wouldn't be fine.

Fair enough, I can agree with that. I don't want to give the wrong idea that I'm an untrustworthy friend who'd backstab someone at a moment's glance. It's just that in this particular scenario, I don't think there's an obligation here. This ex-couple is "A" and "B", not "AB", if that makes sense. Their paths are separated the moment that relationship ends.

I see it this way; the lack of future between the two has been determined. Not so much for the best friend who seeks a relationship. Given that, I don't think it's unreasonable for the ex to step-aside and let someone else pursue a relationship.

True, he might not react in the best way if brought to his attention. Some people would prefer to avoid that can of worms and just act without them knowing--in that sense, "ignorance is bliss." That, however, does not speak for all situations. I think, ultimately, no matter how much the friend hates the idea in the beginning, he is more likely to respect your bringing this to his face. Whether it makes sense or not, it's the type of attitude similar to "if you have something to say, say it to my face. Don't talk shizz behind my back." For whatever reason, these type of people prefer having things brought straight to them, even if the issue is negative. In that sense, no matter how much you can "logically" debate the merits with him, I think, if this bothered him to begin with, he will feel betrayed in the sense that his feelings weren't considered, and even worse if he "finds out" on his own. I think the reason why ppl feel this way is because they feel like no one valued their opinion enough to ask--even if there is no obligation to do so. You don't actually have a duty to ask him--of course, you don't have to answer to anyone. I still think it's a matter of consideration, however. He is your best friend, or whatever, afterall. His opinion and feelings should matter to you, no matter how irrational at the time. He's obviously hurt.

Selfish or not, I'd likely bite the bullet and drop at least a hint. It may not make the most "logical" sense, but more often than not, when emotions are involved, it never does. What I'm getting at is that I can understand where the friend is coming from, and why he would feel reluctant to "step aside" and let the friend woo his ex. When feelings are still there, even if the actual relationship has run its course, he's still going to be hurt either way, especially if it's a friend in pursuit. Hopefully, if the new relationship is legit, your friend will want you to be happy, and will come to accept this pairing with his ex. This doesn't always happen, which is why I'm advising certain measures for proceeding when there are emotions involved on the part of your friend. Some time the "best" advice isn't necessarily the most logical. It's subjective.


I also think ppl define "backstab" differently--in this case, it appears the friend would consider this type of action to be backstabbing, any way you argue it. I guess that's a matter of opinion, depending on the people.

[-JKR-]

First of all, thanks to everybody.

I know that I don't "own" the girl. Even though I still have feelings for her, she can do whatever she wants. But - I simply feel backstabbed. This is a guy I hang out with every day. It's not like he should have "asked for permission", but it would have been respectful if he told me about it, especially since he knew how I felt about that girl. Would you trust such a person anymore, Crook? Do you think it's okay to act like this? You're taking things too easy.

Come on, would you (secretly) ask your friend's ex out when you know that he still has feelings for her? (...and not even too secretly by the way, since they went to a party... so would you do this behind your friend's back?)

I don't know. Honestly, I came he to ask for your opinion because I didn't know wether or not I was maybe exaggerating.

[Crook]

True, he might not react in the best way if brought to his attention. Some people would prefer to avoid that can of worms and just act without them knowing--in that sense, "ignorance is bliss." That, however, does not speak for all situations. I think, ultimately, no matter how much the friend hates the idea in the beginning, he is more likely to respect your bringing this to his face. Whether it makes sense or not, it's the type of attitude similar to "if you have something to say, say it to my face. Don't talk shizz behind my back." For whatever reason, these type of people prefer having things brought straight to them, even if the issue is negative. In that sense, no matter how much you can "logically" debate the merits with him, I think, if this bothered him to begin with, he will feel betrayed in the sense that his feelings weren't considered, and even worse if he "finds out" on his own. I think the reason why ppl feel this way is because they feel like no one valued their opinion enough to ask--even if there is no obligation to do so. You don't actually have a duty to ask him--of course, you don't have to answer to anyone. I still think it's a matter of consideration, however. He is your best friend, or whatever, afterall. His opinion and feelings should matter to you, no matter how irrational at the time. He's obviously hurt.
I'm not denying this. The gist I got was that people were claiming that there was a duty and obligation to detail his every move. All I'm saying is that's far from the case. Was it considerate or "friendly"? No. Was it wrong and enough to break a friendship? I think that's taking things a bit far.

Selfish or not, I'd likely bite the bullet and drop at least a hint. It may not make the most "logical" sense, but more often than not, when emotions are involved, it never does. What I'm getting at is that I can understand where the friend is coming from, and why he would feel reluctant to "step aside" and let the friend woo his ex. When feelings are still there, even if the actual relationship has run its course, he's still going to be hurt either way, especially if it's a friend in pursuit. Hopefully, if the new relationship is legit, your friend will want you to be happy, and will come to accept this pairing with his ex. This doesn't always happen, which is why I'm advising certain measures for proceeding when there are emotions involved on the part of your friend. Some time the "best" advice isn't necessarily the most logical. It's subjective.

You're right, emotions aren't always logical. I'm just choosing to look at the situation this way, as it lets me be objective. This is 2 people's happiness over 1. It's just sorta unfair to ask for permission, considering those odds.

First of all, thanks to everybody.

I know that I don't "own" the girl. Even though I still have feelings for her, she can do whatever she wants. But - I simply feel backstabbed. This is a guy I hang out with every day. It's not like he should have "asked for permission", but it would have been respectful if he told me about it, especially since he knew how I felt about that girl. Would you trust such a person anymore, Crook? Do you think it's okay to act like this? You're taking things too easy.
Look, I know you feel like crap over the situation. I never said you shouldn't feel otherwise. But I stand by what I said; he wasn't obligated to tell you. As said above, it's nothing more than a courtesy move. She's no longer your girl, she's his. No matter how you perceive it to be, them being a couple makes it their business, and theirs only. How and when they feel it's appropriate to reveal that, is to their own accord. Surely you can see that as being fair.

As for backstabbing. It's only so, if he led you on that he felt a certain way, only to do the complete opposite behind your back. For example, was he wooing your girl while you were going out? Did he leave the impression he thought little of her? If not, then his move was simply grabbing an opportunity.

Come on, would you (secretly) ask your friend's ex out when you know that he still has feelings for her? (...and not even too secretly by the way, since they went to a party... so would you do this behind your friend's back?)
I'd do it only if I felt it was absolutely within merit to go after such an attraction. I'd weigh the pros/cons. If it's only to smash the broad, then no, of course not. If there's legitimate feelings, then I can't say I'd look out for my friend over me. I don't know if I'd completely hide it from him. I would certainly let the "fling" linger on for a few more days to see whether it has any sustainable future. That's when I'd tell him.

I don't know. Honestly, I came he to ask for your opinion because I didn't know wether or not I was maybe exaggerating.
Wait it out. Acting on impulse would be the worst move to do. Give it a couple days and see if your friend comes out to you. If not and you feel it's necessary, confront him about it. Verbally. Civilly.

[Wolfwood]

I'm curious what made you change your mind? Except for the obvious.

I think it's cause I got to know her better and it didn't feel like I was ****ing some random stranger. Plus she'd been teasing the hell out of me for weeks and I just about had enough of it. lol.

[Be Snikt-Happy]

Eh, when someone's single (and looking), it most likely doesn't matter what they're doing, especially if whoever approaches them is particularly attractive. Sadly to say, if the person approaching isn't, I'd guess that the person would be highly likely to brush you off, unless you have a sort of undeniable charm that she can't help but notice.

exactly. even when people arent looking they can end up into each other.

I guess it's just me then, cause when I'm out running, I'm not looking for someone. Maybe I'm also just seeing it from the wrong perspective, in my head, I'm seeing this girl running in the park and Snikt-Happy waving his hand, trying to flag her down and talk to her.

ha you're an ass! jk but lol man not every guy is gonna be so typical with it. why would you think anyone would do that? if you were going to approach a girl at the park, i hope thats not how you would do it. if so you're better off not talking to her at all.

when i saw your other post, yeah that makes more sense. i know where to find the girls, but i just want to talk to them without it being so serious. just something light. its always bad if you when first say something to them ,they looked alarmed.

im not exactly trying to go balls out just to fail and blame it on the girl like some guys. i want good things and fun experiences to come from this. i dont want to miss on the opportunity yet i want to still do it right. i think someone said "check yaself before ya wreck yaself."

[katie_girl09]

Ya'll are lames. :down :o

If the relationship is done with it...it's DONE with. That's free game. Being butt-hurt about it just screams bitterness over someone else's happiness. Frankly, it's kinda selfish.
No offense, but I can't believe that you're making him out to be selfish!
I kind of agree with others. I think that the best way to handle the situation is to go to your friend about it. If you are not a selfish person, their feelings will be of utmost importance to you. Talk it over with them. If they're fine with it, then its cool. If they aren't, I personally wouldn't go there out of respect for their feelings. I may like the guy, but I'm not going to die if I don't have him. If you are bent on having them, though, wait until the wounds are adequately healed. Love has a way of being patient after all. I really believe a situation like this is precarious and should be handled with a bit of selflessness to ensure that no one gets hurt and friendships don't get ruined.

[Ash J. Williams]

Am goin' to prom tonight with the girl I met at my buddy's youth group. I met her parents last Sunday and they think I'm pretty legit. We hung out yesterday/last night and I also ate dinner at their place. We went bowling with her parents later on and after two games, we left and when I walked to the car with her, she wanted to hold my hand and she did, so I figure she's into me. Guess I should make the next move, but I'm not sure what.

[Sasquatch]

Try being her friend... I'm sure mom and dad wouldn't like knowing you're wondering what your next "move" should be.

[Doctor Jones]

A couple questions:

What's a good first date?

And how should you ask out a girl? Should it be gradual and talk to her first and make her get to know you. I don't think it's smart to randomly go up to a girl and ask the question.

[uchiha_itachi]

dont mess around, you mess around you miss your chance.

[Cunning Stunts]

A couple questions:

What's a good first date?

And how should you ask out a girl? Should it be gradual and talk to her first and make her get to know you. I don't think it's smart to randomly go up to a girl and ask the question.

If it's because you just think she's hot, try one of two things:

A.- The "nice guy" route, get to know her. Approach her, ask her about something she's doing, something she seems interested in, etc.

B.- The "shallow guy" route (which in all actuality, both routes are "shallow" nonetheless, but who cares?), just approach her and ask her out. If you want to add a little flare, compliment how pretty she is and tell her you'd like to get to know her, take her out, something.

As far as a first date goes, it depends on how old you are. If you're still in high school, try a movie, maybe dinner. If you're older, try just dinner, but at a fancier restaurant, or maybe go clubbing with her.

[Cunning Stunts]

Am goin' to prom tonight with the girl I met at my buddy's youth group. I met her parents last Sunday and they think I'm pretty legit. We hung out yesterday/last night and I also ate dinner at their place. We went bowling with her parents later on and after two games, we left and when I walked to the car with her, she wanted to hold my hand and she did, so I figure she's into me. Guess I should make the next move, but I'm not sure what.

At this point, your best "next move" would be to ask her if she wants to go out again.

[Eggyman]

A couple questions:

What's a good first date?

And how should you ask out a girl? Should it be gradual and talk to her first and make her get to know you. I don't think it's smart to randomly go up to a girl and ask the question.

Coffee, or a couple of drinks at a nice bar. Use your better judgement on whether to ask right away or get more familiar. It depends on the people involved.

If it's because you just think she's hot, try one of two things:

A.- The "nice guy" route, get to know her. Approach her, ask her about something she's doing, something she seems interested in, etc.

B.- The "shallow guy" route (which in all actuality, both routes are "shallow" nonetheless, but who cares?), just approach her and ask her out. If you want to add a little flare, compliment how pretty she is and tell her you'd like to get to know her, take her out, something.

As far as a first date goes, it depends on how old you are. If you're still in high school, try a movie, maybe dinner. If you're older, try just dinner, but at a fancier restaurant, or maybe go clubbing with her.

I would not go to a movie. You're supposed to be getting to know the date, not sit in silence for two hours. Also, you could be a great catch and yet the date could disappoint her if the film sucks. Also, I don't like going for a meal on a first date. What if you get there and you don't like her or she doesn't like you? You have to sit through a meal with this person that you don't know, like, or feel comfortable with. Plus, a lot of women are fussy about eating in new company. Best to keep it simple until you're more familiar.

[Anubis]

Try a freak show. You really get to know a person by gaging their reaction to seeing Lobster Boy.

[Doctor Jones]

Coffee, or a couple of drinks at a nice bar. Use your better judgement on whether to ask right away or get more familiar. It depends on the people involved.



I would not go to a movie. You're supposed to be getting to know the date, not sit in silence for two hours. Also, you could be a great catch and yet the date could disappoint her if the film sucks. Also, I don't like going for a meal on a first date. What if you get there and you don't like her or she doesn't like you? You have to sit through a meal with this person that you don't know, like, or feel comfortable with. Plus, a lot of women are fussy about eating in new company. Best to keep it simple until you're more familiar.

I'm only 17 dude.

And she'd be like 16 or whatever. Hmm interesting points though about the movie.

But since we can't go to a bar, I don't drink coffee, I have no idea what to do.

[Doctor Jones]

If it's because you just think she's hot, try one of two things:

A.- The "nice guy" route, get to know her. Approach her, ask her about something she's doing, something she seems interested in, etc.

B.- The "shallow guy" route (which in all actuality, both routes are "shallow" nonetheless, but who cares?), just approach her and ask her out. If you want to add a little flare, compliment how pretty she is and tell her you'd like to get to know her, take her out, something.

As far as a first date goes, it depends on how old you are. If you're still in high school, try a movie, maybe dinner. If you're older, try just dinner, but at a fancier restaurant, or maybe go clubbing with her.

I was thinking of going with A. Thanks.

[terry78]

I'm only 17 dude.

And she'd be like 16 or whatever. Hmm interesting points though about the movie.

But since we can't go to a bar, I don't drink coffee, I have no idea what to do.

Well, since you can't get her drunk or hopped up on caffeine, slip a roofie into her bottled water. Bada bing, you're set for the night. :o

Honestly, if you don't want to go to a movie since you can't converse, try going out to eat somewhere, and do something on the entertainment side....mini-golf, some type of physical-based fun. Save the museums and things for when you want to show your intellect.

[Eggyman]

I'm only 17 dude.

And she'd be like 16 or whatever. Hmm interesting points though about the movie.

But since we can't go to a bar, I don't drink coffee, I have no idea what to do.

Ok, cool. Take her somewhere fun then. Theme park or something. Or an activity like paintballing or something :)

[Cunning Stunts]

I would not go to a movie. You're supposed to be getting to know the date, not sit in silence for two hours. Also, you could be a great catch and yet the date could disappoint her if the film sucks. Also, I don't like going for a meal on a first date. What if you get there and you don't like her or she doesn't like you? You have to sit through a meal with this person that you don't know, like, or feel comfortable with. Plus, a lot of women are fussy about eating in new company. Best to keep it simple until you're more familiar.

The reason I say a movie for the first time is because back when I was in high school, that more easily broke that "awkwardness" about first going out with a girl than other places did. Almost like getting to know her without actually saying anything.

It's also high school we're dealing with. I mean, dating isn't half as serious then as it will be once you reach college (and even then, you've still got a loooooong way to go).

Maybe you're completely right though, my advice could in fact ruin the date. The best thing I can think of now is for Doc Jones to tell us what he knows about her, maybe we can gauge a little more?

If all else fails, go bowling, and let her win!

[uchiha_itachi]

seeing a movie is a good ice breaker. cos after it you can talk about how good/bad it was and go from there

[terry78]

And if you're like most high schoolers, you'll talk throughout the entire thing anyways, ruining it for the rest of us. :cmad:

[Dark Phantom]

I'm only 17 dude.

And she'd be like 16 or whatever. Hmm interesting points though about the movie.

But since we can't go to a bar, I don't drink coffee, I have no idea what to do.

You know what works alot of times? Going out with a bunch of friends first. This way, the girl can see you in your element. Very casual and humorous around others, if you are an outgoing engaging person. Those are the biggest points you have to earn in order to get a girl to be interested in you, i would guess that would apply vice versa as well. If you can't talk to people or make them laugh, you're a lost cause. It's a sad truth and I've learned it. You can't sit back and let other people converse and sit quietly hoping for the best. You need to take action and get involved, but not in an awkward way. It's really difficult, trust me. That's why you need reliable friends who will make you feel comfortable around this girl, but at the same time (if they are guy friends) try not to steal any of you're thunder. Because you might expect by the end of the hang out, someone else walking away with your girl.

Also it really depends on what you want her to know about you're intentions. You need to be really confident and KNOW that this girl likes you. I can't stress this out enough. You need to know. Don't assume. KNOW! Assumptions hurt and can blow up in your face. You want to take a fat chance? It's up to you. But usually when a guy assumes a girl is interested, a guy will force it to work and the girl will most likely be creeped out. However, when you do know the girl likes you, make sure that she at least catches a signal that you're interested back because if you don't, most likely she'll forget about you.

It's very complicated, I know. The way I see it, relationships and love are all luck.

[AndThePickles]

I'm only 17 dude.

And she'd be like 16 or whatever. Hmm interesting points though about the movie.

But since we can't go to a bar, I don't drink coffee, I have no idea what to do.

I feel like I've told you this before, but I'll repeat myself in case I haven't :O

You don't have to drink coffee to go to a coffee shop. The main point of those is going to a place with a relaxed atmosphere where you can talk, and some of the shops will even have live music. You can get tea or other types of drinks there, as well as different desserts.

[uchiha_itachi]

odd thing...i was at a mates and me and this girl ( also a friend ) where on a sofa with another friend. and it was just us two awake. i like her, so i asked " are you comfitable?" he replies "no" so i say "you can lean on me if you like" and she does...so now where hugging and we where holding hands playing with our fingers i think she was stroking my chest at one point also.

so im thinking what everybody would think, the next time i see her i say i like her and she dosent give me an answer on how she feels apart from " where friends.." this makes no sense to me at all...

[AndThePickles]

odd thing...i was at a mates and me and this girl ( also a friend ) where on a sofa with another friend. and it was just us two awake. i like her, so i asked " are you comfitable?" he replies "no" so i say "you can lean on me if you like" and she does...so now where hugging and we where holding hands playing with our fingers i think she was stroking my chest at one point also.

so im thinking what everybody would think, the next time i see her i say i like her and she dosent give me an answer on how she feels apart from " where friends.." this makes no sense to me at all...

Are you in high school/is she? If so, be prepared for your sort of situation to happen often. She likely enjoys being cuddled, but doesn't understand that she's being a complete tease.

[uchiha_itachi]

nah im 20 as is she...tbh im really hurting right now...i like this girl alot

[Gilpesh]

Oh. Then that means it's worse. She knows she is a tease and doesn't care.

[uchiha_itachi]

this is the thing though, ive known her a while and shes not like that at all..shes the nicest person in the world.

alot of things dont add up tbh.

i asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo way b4 tht stuff happend and she said yes. but i never got round to sorting out a day cos we where both working and stuff/i was lazy. then she did that so it though ok ill tell her i like her...and she gives me tht answer. makes no sense.

[AndThePickles]

Someone can appear to be plenty nice but still be a tease. When you asked her to the zoo, did you specify that it was a date? She likely thought it would just be "as friends."

[uchiha_itachi]

at first she was like oh i duno if the other guys will want to pay...

so i was like oh...i wanted it to just be us..i didnt get around to setting a day. i think i left it to her and said if you take to long im gonna drag you to the zoo. and she said she liked tht or somthing lol

reason i dont think shes a tease is ive never seen her have a bf and weve talked about what we want out of a bf/gf and she listed things and it was the same as what i wanted..and i said tht to her.

[Doctor Jones]

Hehehe, don't worry, I forbid talking int he movies. I shushed a woman who couldn't shut up right when TS was starting.

But thanks for the advice.

But I was just really wondering how do get a girl to go out with me in general. There's a few girls in mind that I have a chance with, but there's one that I really really like. I've known her since the first grade and everything. She has red hair and is one of the only girls I feel comfortable to talk to. I don't have any classes with her this year, I did last year and we talked when we got the chance. Now I just see her in the halls and in the cafeteria. She's my number one to ask to the prom though. I can't get over her goddammit.

[AndThePickles]

at first she was like oh i duno if the other guys will want to pay...

so i was like oh...i wanted it to just be us..i didnt get around to setting a day. i think i left it to her and said if you take to long im gonna drag you to the zoo. and she said she liked tht or somthing lol

reason i dont think shes a tease is ive never seen her have a bf and weve talked about what we want out of a bf/gf and she listed things and it was the same as what i wanted..and i said tht to her.

Fact: Girls who have never had a boyfriend are usually the biggest teases of them all...in this case, it's likely because she doesn't know how to act around men.

[Bnightwing]

I have never had a girlfriend are you calling me a tease?

[uchiha_itachi]

Fact: Girls who have never had a boyfriend are usually the biggest teases of them all...in this case, it's likely because she doesn't know how to act around men.

she hasn't been like that with anybody else...and somthing else sorta happend..there was feeling up tht i didnt start. surley tht means somthing?

[Nirvana]

Fact: Girls who have never had a boyfriend are usually the biggest teases of them all...in this case, it's likely because she doesn't know how to act around men.

Everyone listen to this woman. Words of truth right here.

[Gilpesh]

she hasn't been like that with anybody else...
HAH!

and somthing else sorta happend..
:hehe:

there was feeling up tht i didnt start.
:lmao:

surley tht means somthing?
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


She's a tease. That's about it.

[uchiha_itachi]

ive known a MASSIVE tease b4. this wasn't tht. it felt different.

[uchiha_itachi]

thanks for laughing btw. this is tearing me up....big time.

[AndThePickles]

I have never had a girlfriend are you calling me a tease?

Lol no, I have no clue if you're a tease :oldrazz: In this girl's case, I really believe it is inexperience that is making her like this. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that she doesn't realize what a massive tease she's being.

she hasn't been like that with anybody else...and somthing else sorta happend..there was feeling up tht i didnt start. surley tht means somthing?

How would you know if she'd been like that with anyone else? Not to sound blunt, but it's none of your business if she's "felt up" another guy, so it's not like she'd tell you if she was flirting with other guys at the moment. At any rate, feeling up or ANYTHING physical does not mean that she wants to date you.

You've already asked her if she had feelings for you as more than a friend, and she said no. I'm not sure what else to suggest you do other than move on. The way things are going, you're going to keep getting led to believe that she might like you when she already said she just regards you as a friend...I'm afraid you'll end up getting a lot more hurt down the line than you are now.

[Knightsaber Priss]

Anyone in here think it's wrong to be mostly content with fantasy versions of guys you like in real life? I'm starting to find that my fantasy versions are much better than the real thing.

[terry78]

Anyone in here think it's wrong to be mostly content with fantasy versions of guys you like in real life? I'm starting to find that my fantasy versions are much better than the real thing.

You mean guys that have elf ears and use mana to heal 75% of their party and ****? :huh:

[AndThePickles]

Anyone in here think it's wrong to be mostly content with fantasy versions of guys you like in real life? I'm starting to find that my fantasy versions are much better than the real thing.

I think it's completely wrong, but I guess it's fine if you want to live in a fantasy world for the rest of your life. I prefer the real world, myself.

[Doctor Jones]

Why the hell do women do this? They think that all men are terrible. WRONG! YOU have made bad decisions regarding your relationships with men you don't like or just bad men. This doesn't mean all men are bad.

[Dark Phantom]

Anyone in here think it's wrong to be mostly content with fantasy versions of guys you like in real life? I'm starting to find that my fantasy versions are much better than the real thing.

I'm sure someone can dress up like Chewbacca for you :o

[Dark Phantom]

Why the hell do women do this? They think that all men are terrible. WRONG! YOU have made bad decisions regarding your relationships with men you don't like or just bad men. This doesn't mean all men are bad.

and most likely those bad men were scarred by bad women in their life.

[Cunning Stunts]

Fact: Girls who have never had a boyfriend are usually the biggest teases of them all...in this case, it's likely because she doesn't know how to act around men.

QFT. :up: You need to visit this thread more often, to set some of us dudes straight.

she hasn't been like that with anybody else...and somthing else sorta happend..there was feeling up tht i didnt start. surley tht means somthing?

She's probably doing it because she knows you'll let her. As Pickles said, she probably doesn't know she's being a tease, and just thinks she can act this way around you because you like her, and this is how you "want to be friends." Either something isn't clicking in her head, or she's being a complete *****. I'd be blunt with her: ask her why there's so much touching. Perhaps she just wants someone to mess around with (not your mind :oldrazz:- she wants to be "friends with benefits", so to speak).

Sit her down one day, and ask her, "Why are you doing this if you don't want a relationship?" Make your motives and feelings clear, and let her know that the apparent fact that she doesn't want a relationship- despite the sexual contact- is hurting you.

Why the hell do women do this? They think that all men are terrible. WRONG! YOU have made bad decisions regarding your relationships with men you don't like or just bad men. This doesn't mean all men are bad.

She's just vying for attention. Just ignore her. She needs counseling, hands down.

[terry78]

It's an endless cycle.....girls that act hateful towards guys do so because of some guy that did or they think did something to them in the past, and vice versa for dudes.

[Ash J. Williams]

At this point, your best "next move" would be to ask her if she wants to go out again.
Yeah, OK. Well, she did suggest going on a bike ride one day and going to the library the next. Was thinkin' we could combine the two: ride bikes and look around at the library.

[uchiha_itachi]

QFT. :up: You need to visit this thread more often, to set some of us dudes straight.



She's probably doing it because she knows you'll let her. As Pickles said, she probably doesn't know she's being a tease, and just thinks she can act this way around you because you like her, and this is how you "want to be friends." Either something isn't clicking in her head, or she's being a complete *****. I'd be blunt with her: ask her why there's so much touching. Perhaps she just wants someone to mess around with (not your mind :oldrazz:- she wants to be "friends with benefits", so to speak).

Sit her down one day, and ask her, "Why are you doing this if you don't want a relationship?" Make your motives and feelings clear, and let her know that the apparent fact that she doesn't want a relationship- despite the sexual contact- is hurting you.



i might have to do that. when i told her i liked her the first time she was being odd and i said look shoot me down i dont care...and she said "im not saying anything right now"

im also friends with her best mate and shes planning to have a chat about it all. her mate really wants me and this girl to be together also..

but if that goes down hill, im gonna talk to her again an say to her how much this is hurting me. it was like i finally had the girl i wanted...then it got taken away. its ****ing horrible..

[uchiha_itachi]

im actually seeing her today with some other friends...dunno how im gonna be...

[Dark Phantom]

i might have to do that. when i told her i liked her the first time she was being odd and i said look shoot me down i dont care...and she said "im not saying anything right now"

im also friends with her best mate and shes planning to have a chat about it all. her mate really wants me and this girl to be together also..

but if that goes down hill, im gonna talk to her again an say to her how much this is hurting me. it was like i finally had the girl i wanted...then it got taken away. its ****ing horrible..

It may hurt for a while, but put things in perspective. If this girl is giving you that much trouble just in order to start a relationship, chances are the actual relationship wouldn't be any better. Besides, it's her loss if she doesn't want to be with you. Everyone thinks that the next person to come along in their life is "finally the one". Due to my last relationship, I realized that it's a complete bs. You can't force a relationship to work. The best one is usually the one that happens by accident. So take it from me, this situation will blow over if it doesn't work. There's someone better out there for you, but you probably won't find her anytime soon. But when you do.... rub it in that tease's face :cmad:

im actually seeing her today with some other friends...dunno how im gonna be...

God speed.

[DarthDaveBanner]

Why the hell do women do this? They think that all men are terrible. WRONG! YOU have made bad decisions regarding your relationships with men you don't like or just bad men. This doesn't mean all men are bad.

What annoys me is when girls ignore the nice guys and just go after the "bad boys" then complain when they get messed around that "all men are pigs".

[The Guard]

Look. She may well not know the effect she has on guys, but at this age that's doubtful. Odds are she does know quite well, and she is experimenting with the power she has over you. You have two choices: continue to put up with it, or tell her flat out, "I don't appreciate being treated this way. I like you a lot, and you treating me like this pisses me off, and makes me not want to hang out with you anymore".

[Doctor Jones]

What annoys me is when girls ignore the nice guys and just go after the "bad boys" then complain when they get messed around that "all men are pigs".

Yup.

[Mdizzle]

What annoys me is when girls ignore the nice guys and just go after the "bad boys" then complain when they get messed around that "all men are pigs".

It's my personal belief that it's usually a lie when ppl say "I don't like the games/don't wanna play games"...the chase etc, at least in the beginning, is part of the thrill. Wondering if he'll call, play it a little coy to see if he's interested, etc. We've all done it, and dammit if we say we don't like it. Some ppl may like playing their cards up front à la "nice shoes, wanna be my girlfriend?", but it's more often than not the former that's the case. Along those lines, I think girls like complicated to some degree--the challenge of a bad boy, who doesn't lay all the cards down, is somehow an interesting thing to try and crack. I think the other thing that comes with the so-called bad boy is the thrill of uncertainty--it may not be as much fun to mess with someone who's openly and utterly devoted to you, at least at first.

Thoughts? I have more to add, but feel free to add.

[Doctor Jones]

But if you want a relationship, being with a "bad boy" won't last very long. They're not commited, they're jackasses, and they really are "bad." If a girl is searching for the right guy, why does she go with him? Does she think she can fix him? I doubt that.

I never understood this. What's the point i playing these games if it's not even gonna last or its gonna end badly?

[Cunning Stunts]

i might have to do that. when i told her i liked her the first time she was being odd and i said look shoot me down i dont care...and she said "im not saying anything right now"

im also friends with her best mate and shes planning to have a chat about it all. her mate really wants me and this girl to be together also..

but if that goes down hill, im gonna talk to her again an say to her how much this is hurting me. it was like i finally had the girl i wanted...then it got taken away. its ****ing horrible..

I've got to agree with Dark Phantom here: If she's this unsure and dodgy about you now, the relationship is very likely to be the same. It'll likely be a couple days of you thinking, "Finally, I got it!" while she's thinking, "How do I let him down without hurting him?" It's going to be awkward. I hope your friend talks to her soon, because if she doesn't in the next day or so, I'd sit down with the girl you want to date, if I were you, and just lay it out for her.

It's my personal belief that it's usually a lie when ppl say "I don't like the games/don't wanna play games"...the chase etc, at least in the beginning, is part of the thrill. Wondering if he'll call, play it a little coy to see if he's interested, etc. We've all done it, and dammit if we say we don't like it. Some ppl may like playing their cards up front à la "nice shoes, wanna be my girlfriend?", but it's more often than not the former that's the case. Along those lines, I think girls like complicated to some degree--the challenge of a bad boy, who doesn't lay all the cards down, is somehow an interesting thing to try and crack. I think the other thing that comes with the so-called bad boy is the thrill of uncertainty--it may not be as much fun to mess with someone who's openly and utterly devoted to you, at least at first.

Thoughts? I have more to add, but feel free to add.

:up:

Also there's not always "bad boys" that are legitimately "bad" either. I've been told that I'm usually considered one of those "bad boys", but not because I abuse my girlfriends, treat them like ****, etc., but more because I'm outspoken (I'll say **** that'll make your **** turn white :cmad: :p), a bit of a troublemaker, and, well, my job (of all things) certainly entails "thrill seeking." I've found that, despite not being an attractive dude, I do get more attention from girls because of it (also, humor helps- best if it's good humor, so don't tell stupid jokes about how E Minor and E Flat walked into a bar together). I'm nowhere near having numerous girls vying for my number, but I can't exactly say there aren't any.

Logically speaking, that kind of thing allows that "thrill of the chase" to never end, as you never know what the hell you're going to get next. In my opinion, unpredictability is attractive in a woman.

In reality, it's all about being yourself and having fun, but also looking for the right type of woman. If your definition of having fun is stocking up on sodas and snacks, holing up in a room, and playing World of WarCraft for sixteen hours straight, find a girl who likes that, but don't expect some sort of Jessica Biel to be wanting to hook up.

[Cunning Stunts]

But if you want a relationship, being with a "bad boy" won't last very long. They're not commited, they're jackasses, and they really are "bad." If a girl is searching for the right guy, why does she go with him? Does she think she can fix him? I doubt that.

I never understood this. What's the point i playing these games if it's not even gonna last or its gonna end badly?

Many times, with those kinds of guys it will fall down to the woman having been abused by a male adult figure as a child. For some odd reason, when that happens, something "clicks" in their minds that attract them to that type of relationship- most likely because we all grow up seeing our parents as model figures, and it becomes ingrained in our minds that the same type of treatment from them is what we need from our girlfriends or boyfriends. In those kinds of cases, they can't help it, except to get therapy.

[Doctor Jones]

Hmmm, or they just blame their problems on other people and can't take the responsibility for themselves to recognize how screwed up they are?

[AndThePickles]

For my opinion, reference that huge thread we had about women who like bad boys :oldrazz: I do find it fascinating how often the topic comes up...it's either a very common problem or a very common stereotype.

[Cunning Stunts]

Hmmm, or they just blame their problems on other people and can't take the responsibility for themselves to recognize how screwed up they are?

No, it's a legitimate issue in many cases. Admittedly, there are probably even more cases where the women are just being as big of idiots as their jackass boyfriend are.

[Doctor Jones]

That too.

[uchiha_itachi]

Dark phantom, The Guard and Cunning stunts. thanks for that advice. i am sort of thinking its because she dosent wanna ruin the friendship, i got tht impression from her but i dunno. hopfully this gets sorted out asap.

but thanks.

[uchiha_itachi]

Dark phantom, The Guard and Cunning stunts. thanks for that advice. i am sort of thinking its because she dosent wanna ruin the friendship, i got tht impression from her but i dunno. hopfully this gets sorted out asap.

but thanks.

[Dark Phantom]

No problem Uchiha.

Back to the "bad boys" debate...I find that now more than ever the attraction to the "bad girl" is more prominent than the "bad boy". Yet, define what you mean by the bad boy and bad girl. Are you guys talking about people that party, drink all night long and have their fair share of STDs? Or are we talking about those that are abusive and have a bad reputation with relationships? Either way they go hand in hand, but I want to make sure we're all on the same page. Because from my experience, as someone who has always been the nice guy, I chased after a girl who drinks, parties, is very outgoing, and has been around the block once or ten times. Suprisingly I got this girl (while she was already in a relationship with a friend of mine). Btw, if you've read my story on here before, my apologies. However, my point is guys like me who lead a dull, conservative life do love to play those "games" Mdizzle referred to. Like everyone has their flaws as to what they're attracted to and how they act in a relationship. I haven't been entirely innocent. I can't say that every girl ive been with has been terrible to me, because nothing is black and white. I've broken girls hearts who really liked or even loved me. In their view, I was the bad boy.

You just can't put labels on people in the world of relationships. It's a complicated mess that all depends on luck.

[AndThePickles]

QFT. :up: You need to visit this thread more often, to set some of us dudes straight.


Aw, thanks :yay: I get the impression that people don't want to hear what I have to say, though.

[Cunning Stunts]

Advice from a female is much needed in this thread, and you've proven that you can lay it out logically and intelligently, more so than some other females that post in this thread.

I wouldn't say they don't want to hear you, though... Just that a lot of users here are looking for certain answers (Basically, they want to hear girls like them, and refuse to listen when we don't give them that answer, so to speak), and when someone like you or Anita give different answers, they get dodgy and say, "You don't know this girl, though!"

Let's face it, women operate differently than men, so your advice helps. :p

[AndThePickles]

I wouldn't say they don't want to hear you, though... Just that a lot of users here are looking for certain answers (Basically, they want to hear girls like them, and refuse to listen when we don't give them that answer, so to speak), and when someone like you or Anita give different answers, they get dodgy and say, "You don't know this girl, though!"


Hahaha, AKA people don't want to hear what I have to say :oldrazz: I'm stubborn as hell, though, so of course I'll still give advice when needed :o

[Cunning Stunts]

Hahaha, you have a point. Go for it, though. Some of the social misfits here need it. :p

[Knives122]

Ahhhhh relationships, after my ordeal I honestly don't want to be in another one after what happened to me. (heart wrenching story time?)

Girlfriend(first one at that) breaks up with me over the phone, says to me "I'll have too much stuff over the summer to do", something I could understand even though I am very much a patron of the "you make time" stand. Anywho, find out from one of my friends(who's been her friend for 7 years and can read her like a book) tells me that the reason she gave me was a lie. I go out one night with some friends and she shows up there, we give each other the biggest cold shoulder ever given in the universe(we do not look at or speak to each other). Our mutual friend goes over to talk to her and he gets the real reason out of her. Turns out she found another *insert my name*, little did I know that this turned out to be a guy I met before and he also has the same name as me(this has to be a form of irony). The cold shoulder of doom is still happening between us(went to a convention this weekend and she was there, we literally walk past each other with no eye contact).

So end of story: Got lied to by my gf(definitely ex now) so she could go out with another guy. Wanna slap some people very badly....

[amazingfantasy15]

at first she was like oh i duno if the other guys will want to pay...

so i was like oh...i wanted it to just be us..i didnt get around to setting a day. i think i left it to her and said if you take to long im gonna drag you to the zoo. and she said she liked tht or somthing lol

reason i dont think shes a tease is ive never seen her have a bf and weve talked about what we want out of a bf/gf and she listed things and it was the same as what i wanted..and i said tht to her.

Here's where everything became complicated for you. You screwed up at this point, being wishy washy about setting up the date and eventually not even following through. Look what you said about her reaction to you just dragging her there, that showed confidence and you knowing what you wanted and she reacting very postively to that (at least you're post seems to imply that). Also you're first post about playing on the couch, should've at least gone for a kiss there. You say she's playing games, but you're playing just as many because you're not being confident and following through, you're stopping short every time. You've just gotta man up around her, stop being the "nice guy", which is really just the weak/wishy washy guy.

[Eggyman]

Ahhhhh relationships, after my ordeal I honestly don't want to be in another one after what happened to me. (heart wrenching story time?)

Girlfriend(first one at that) breaks up with me over the phone, says to me "I'll have too much stuff over the summer to do", something I could understand even though I am very much a patron of the "you make time" stand. Anywho, find out from one of my friends(who's been her friend for 7 years and can read her like a book) tells me that the reason she gave me was a lie. I go out one night with some friends and she shows up there, we give each other the biggest cold shoulder ever given in the universe(we do not look at or speak to each other). Our mutual friend goes over to talk to her and he gets the real reason out of her. Turns out she found another *insert my name*, little did I know that this turned out to be a guy I met before and he also has the same name as me(this has to be a form of irony). The cold shoulder of doom is still happening between us(went to a convention this weekend and she was there, we literally walk past each other with no eye contact).

So end of story: Got lied to by my gf(definitely ex now) so she could go out with another guy. Wanna slap some people very badly....

Slapping doesn't work. Get yourself f***ed.

[Erzengel]

Go out with her sister/best friend etc.

[Cunning Stunts]

Ahhhhh relationships, after my ordeal I honestly don't want to be in another one after what happened to me. (heart wrenching story time?)

Girlfriend(first one at that) breaks up with me over the phone, says to me "I'll have too much stuff over the summer to do", something I could understand even though I am very much a patron of the "you make time" stand. Anywho, find out from one of my friends(who's been her friend for 7 years and can read her like a book) tells me that the reason she gave me was a lie. I go out one night with some friends and she shows up there, we give each other the biggest cold shoulder ever given in the universe(we do not look at or speak to each other). Our mutual friend goes over to talk to her and he gets the real reason out of her. Turns out she found another *insert my name*, little did I know that this turned out to be a guy I met before and he also has the same name as me(this has to be a form of irony). The cold shoulder of doom is still happening between us(went to a convention this weekend and she was there, we literally walk past each other with no eye contact).

So end of story: Got lied to by my gf(definitely ex now) so she could go out with another guy. Wanna slap some people very badly....

Um... With a reason like that, why didn't you call B.S. from the start? It was pretty obvious from the get-go that she was lying.

[Knives122]

Go out with her sister/best friend etc.

Her sister isn't much of an option mostly because I'm not attracted to her in anyway. Her best friend on the other hand was hitting on me the first day I met her, so that's always a door that can be walked through.

Um... With a reason like that, why didn't you call B.S. from the start? It was pretty obvious from the get-go that she was lying.

I was pretty much giving her the benefit of the doubt, wasn't going to accuse her of something unless I knew for sure and whatnot........actually no you're right, I'm gonna have to start going with my guy feeling on stuff like this.

[Cunning Stunts]

Eh, just move on. Are you in high school?

[amazingfantasy15]

Ahhhhh relationships, after my ordeal I honestly don't want to be in another one after what happened to me. (heart wrenching story time?)

Girlfriend(first one at that) breaks up with me over the phone, says to me "I'll have too much stuff over the summer to do", something I could understand even though I am very much a patron of the "you make time" stand. Anywho, find out from one of my friends(who's been her friend for 7 years and can read her like a book) tells me that the reason she gave me was a lie. I go out one night with some friends and she shows up there, we give each other the biggest cold shoulder ever given in the universe(we do not look at or speak to each other). Our mutual friend goes over to talk to her and he gets the real reason out of her. Turns out she found another *insert my name*, little did I know that this turned out to be a guy I met before and he also has the same name as me(this has to be a form of irony). The cold shoulder of doom is still happening between us(went to a convention this weekend and she was there, we literally walk past each other with no eye contact).

So end of story: Got lied to by my gf(definitely ex now) so she could go out with another guy. Wanna slap some people very badly....

Well, sorry to say, but that's how relationships usually end. You barely ever will get the real reason and she just wanted someone else. Gotta dust yourself off and find someone new.

[terry78]

Go out with her sister/best friend etc.

So says Kurtis Blow.

[Knives122]

Eh, just move on. Are you in high school?

College, I probably should just get drunk. I'm more or less in Mehville with all of this, just still P.Oed about it.

[Cunning Stunts]

Just rebound one or twelve times, and you'll be over it. :up:

[Roughneck]

Here's one.


A few years back I dated this girl, then it just kind of ended one day, not on any bad terms ar anything, it just sort of slowly dissolved....So then she starts talking to me on facebook (Years later) I put up a new pic and she starts by telling my how handsom I look in it and stuff, then we get on MSN and she's talking about how much she liked me and how she loved my voice things like that, dropping less then subtly hints that she wanted to sleep with me.

So we decide to meet up and watch a movie, but we both have somewhat busy scheduels and coordinating a date was tough, there were a few times we couldnt make it and stuff. So We finally get one set, and she cancels last minute, not cancels, rescheduel was her word.

Anyway, I haven't heard from her since, and she was the one that would usually instigate the conversation......

[Cunning Stunts]

How long has it been since you've heard from her?

[Erzengel]

Call her in a couple of days. Put the ball in her court. If she doesn't get in touch with you back, write her off.

[Roughneck]

it's been a few days now

[Erzengel]

Call her, talk to her, if not leave her a message.

[Roughneck]

Will do

[Eggyman]

Use a full stop at the end of your conversation with her, though.

Edit: Or a question mark.

[Roughneck]

I think I feel dumb.....but what do you mean?

[Anubis]

I'm assuming he means that if she's not really interested in giving this thing between the two of you another go then she should stop f**king bothering you.

[Eggyman]

No, I just meant he didn't end the post before mine with punctuation.

[Anubis]

Oh, but I think you should do what I said too. You don't need all that will we or wont we garbage. If she's not really interested, then tell her to stop wasting your time.

In a nice way if it makes you feel better.

[Eggyman]

I think really that the ball's already in her court. She asked to reschedule, so let her. If not, find somewhere else to dip it :)

[Roughneck]

Yeah....just she instigated it, so I figured she was interested.

She did say that part of the reason it dissolved last time is that she got scared because she really liked me.

So I wonder if she's getting scared again.....or just wanted a self esteem boost.

[Erzengel]

I think really that the ball's already in her court. She asked to reschedule, so let her. If not, find somewhere else to dip it :)
It is, but if he calls, then at least he made an effort and he won't look back and say, what if I would have done this...

[Eggyman]

It is, but if he calls, then at least he made an effort and he won't look back and say, what if I would have done this...

I know, I'm just being awkward I guess.

[amazingfantasy15]

Yeah....just she instigated it, so I figured she was interested.

She did say that part of the reason it dissolved last time is that she got scared because she really liked me.

So I wonder if she's getting scared again.....or just wanted a self esteem boost.

You might just be setting yourself up to get hurt, since this girl doesn't seem to know what she wants and is likely to run away if things start to get serious again. If you do try to get back together, I think you need to have a serious talk about what both of you want in a relationship. She sounds kind of flakey and immature.

[uchiha_itachi]

Here's where everything became complicated for you. You screwed up at this point, being wishy washy about setting up the date and eventually not even following through. Look what you said about her reaction to you just dragging her there, that showed confidence and you knowing what you wanted and she reacting very postively to that (at least you're post seems to imply that). Also you're first post about playing on the couch, should've at least gone for a kiss there. You say she's playing games, but you're playing just as many because you're not being confident and following through, you're stopping short every time. You've just gotta man up around her, stop being the "nice guy", which is really just the weak/wishy washy guy.

ive quickly come to realise that, i go for it and dont follow through on it. never again.

[Alexia Dark]

So, as confident and kick-ass as I am online, I am quite shy and probably overly polite/self-conscious in real life...

I finally have a date for the first time in... a long, long time... we've talked quite a bit online for the past while, and clarified that it'd be more of a friends with benefits relationship... benefits effective immediately.

Yeah, I'm not even asking advise, I just thought I'd say it for no real reason.

[terry78]

As long as neither one of you ends up in a bathtub of ice with a kidney missing, it should be all good.

[uchiha_itachi]

im so close to calling that girl. i asked to get sent home from work cos i kept breaking down.

[Roughneck]

I don't know quite how to say this.....


Some chicks'll just grab your junk.


it happens.


I don't know....but from what I've read the friendship might already be un repairable.....so go for broke Uchiha.

[Cunning Stunts]

im so close to calling that girl. i asked to get sent home from work cos i kept breaking down.

Not trying to be offensive here, but you're bordering on obsessive. I'd try to hold it back a little bit, and don't call her yet. You need to cool down.

[uchiha_itachi]

its because this has been going on for a while. im hopfully gonna see her tommorrow.

i pretty much am roughneck, though the friendship isn't broken. weve been friends for a while and if it goes wrong i will just say to her look i dont want this to change anything with us then, its my problem not yours.

[Roughneck]

um, that won't work. She's never going to look at you the same again once she knows you like her......I've been down that road too many times.