*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[uchiha_itachi]

ive already told her ive liked her , and we where no different to how we where before after i told her. ive been to a meal with just me her and another female friend of mine and it was like normal, joking about and stuff.

[Anubis]

Well, maybe she doesn't like you dude.

[Anita18]

im so close to calling that girl. i asked to get sent home from work cos i kept breaking down.
Breaking down from...freaking out that you have to call her? If so, calm down dude! It's really not that big of a deal. Just be honest - most of the freaking out is not knowing what she's thinking and going through all of the possible scenarios. Once all of your cards are on the table, it will get a lot easier.

Well, maybe she doesn't like you dude.
Who knows, maybe she's not really into jumping into a serious relationship right now. Or at least doesn't want to commit out loud or on paper, but is down for snuggling on the couch or whatever.

My new bf told me he wanted to pursue a relationship with me back in February, and I was honest. I said I wanted to keep things casual and see what would develop, but I didn't want to jump into anything right away. Heck, I even said I don't have chemistry with anybody right off the bat, LOL. He said okay, and we kept seeing each other casually (although more frequently) and I think by last weekend when he finally stayed over, we could actually consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. :funny: So no-pressure persistence CAN work, guys. :yay:

Although I think if he were to tell me today that he loved me, I would have no idea what to say. :o Maybe that'll be another month...

[Anubis]

So you mean you finally.....uh....did the dead Or am I confusing you with somebody else.

[AndThePickles]

Congrats on your new bf, Anita! :woot: I'm so glad for you *hugs*

[Anita18]

So you mean you finally.....uh....did the dead Or am I confusing you with somebody else.
:funny: I dunno, maybe you're thinking of me.

We um, tried some new things with each other that we hadn't done before. :oldrazz: There are other forms of intimacy you know, it isn't just one fell swoop there. :o

[terry78]

So you mean you finally.....uh....did the dead Or am I confusing you with somebody else.

Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

[Anubis]

Ya huh. You little minx. ;)

[Sasquatch]

Good night folks! They'll be here all week.

[AndThePickles]

Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

Indeed, Anita is extra-kinky if she enjoys doing the "dead" :wow:

[Anita18]

Ya huh. You little minx. ;)
I think even he was surprised at some of the naughty underthings I had in my possession. :funny:

[terry78]

^LMAO...gross.

[Anubis]

Indeed, Anita is extra-kinky if she enjoys doing the "dead" :wow:

You caught that huh? Was gonna go back and change it to "deed" but, eh, i'm Anubis. Part of my Schtic.

[Anita18]

You caught that huh? Was gonna go back and change it to "deed" but, eh, i'm Anubis. Part of my Schtic.
I caught it too, but decided not to be part of the grammar police. :oldrazz:

[Sasquatch]

What's the deed, mama?

[Wiseman]

Ok so I want real responses to this. And from as much people as possible. So there's this woman who I dated 7 years ago, now what I didn't know when I met her was that she was engaged. She left her fiance to be with me, we dated for a while then we went our seperate ways, even though we hooked up a couple times after we split. Cut to about 3 months ago, I ended up getting in touch with her again, and we basically started where we left and we're all over eachother. Only now she's married, to a different guy. Now, I have yet to know an ex girlfriend that wouldn't cheat on any guy with me, but this is different..........she's married, I've had sex with an ex who was engaged but married is kinda crossing the line. Am I a scumbag or should I just not think about it. I mean it really isn't my fault that after 7 years she's still willing to leave whatever guy she's with to be with me. All I'm doing is acting on her desires. What do you all think???

[Anubis]

In these sort of situations, I never blame the person that the married person is cheating with. She's the douche. You're not the one who made the commitment, she did. My question is, this chick is obviously untrustworthy. If she'd cheat on her fiance, and her husband, whose to say she wouldn't cheat on you if you ever got together? I just wanna know if you're in it for the booty, or are you in love or some other weird gray area, with this woman?

[Anita18]

Ok so I want real responses to this. And from as much people as possible. So there's this woman who I dated 7 years ago, now what I didn't know when I met her was that she was engaged. She left her fiance to be with me, we dated for a while then we went our seperate ways, even though we hooked up a couple times after we split. Cut to about 3 months ago, I ended up getting in touch with her again, and we basically started where we left and we're all over eachother. Only now she's married, to a different guy. Now, I have yet to know an ex girlfriend that wouldn't cheat on any guy with me, but this is different..........she's married, I've had sex with an ex who was engaged but married is kinda crossing the line. Am I a scumbag or should I just not think about it. I mean it really isn't my fault that after 7 years she's still willing to leave whatever guy she's with to be with me. All I'm doing is acting on her desires. What do you all think???
You're a scumbag with no spine. :funny:

But seriously, she's willing to ruin her marriages to sleep with you but not want to be with you long-term? Girl's got problems, too. Not that you're a boy scout either, but...anyway.

I think you're just lucky her SO's have not been the violent revenge type. :funny:

[AndThePickles]

I think you still have a moral responsibility. She may be the one breaking her marriage vows, but it takes two to tango.

[Sasquatch]

You're not an animal. You have control over the decisions you make. It's just whether or not you feel the decisions you make and the actions you take are right or wrong. You and she may think that it's okay... but I doubt her husband and family would.

[Wiseman]

But seriously, she's willing to ruin her marriages to sleep with you but not want to be with you long-term? Girl's got problems, too. Not that you're a boy scout either, but...anyway.
[QUOTE]

She's not the one who breaks up with me.


[QUOTE]whose to say she wouldn't cheat on you if you ever got together? I just wanna know if you're in it for the booty, or are you in love or some other weird gray area, with this woman?

Well, here's the thing. I don't think any woman would cheat on me, and it's not cause I think I'm gods gift or anything, I just don't operate like normal guys. I treat them better, I make sure I satisfy, and I have a certain vibe about me, something I can't explain. And as far as whether I see myself having a future with this woman, you know, life is weird and I don't look at things like I did when I was younger and thought of this perfect loving normal marriage.

[Wiseman]

You're not an animal. You have control over the decisions you make. It's just whether or not you feel the decisions you make and the actions you take are right or wrong. You and she may think that it's okay... but I doubt her husband and family would.

See, I do feel bad for the husband, but I mean, it's really not my responsibility it's hers

[AndThePickles]

See, I do feel bad for the husband, but I mean, it's really not my responsibility it's hers

Do you feel what you're doing is wrong? If so, I'd say you're still half of that responsibility. If you know you're doing something wrong, it's still your responsibility to not partake in it. She's not forcing you to have sex with her...you're choosing to sleep with a married woman all by yourself.

[Gilpesh]

See, I do feel bad for the husband, but I mean, it's really not my responsibility it's hers
I guess the phrase, "Stop you're married," isn't in your vocabulary if you don't think you had a hand in breaking her vows.

[Wiseman]

Do you feel what you're doing is wrong? If so, I'd say you're still half of that responsibility. If you know you're doing something wrong, it's still your responsibility to not partake in it. She's not forcing you to have sex with her...you're choosing to sleep with a married woman all by yourself.

Agreed, but even if I stop and tell her I can't see her anymore. Isn't that just as bad if he goes the rest of his life never knowing it happened. Like I won't tell him, under any circumstances, that doesn't mean I don't think he should know

[The Squirrel]

Agreed, but even if I stop and tell her I can't see her anymore. Isn't that just as bad if he goes the rest of his life never knowing it happened. Like I won't tell him, under any circumstances, that doesn't mean I don't think he should know

Are you saying that it would be just as bad if you stopped sleeping with her, since the husband doesn't know, so you should just keep sleeping with her?

[Wiseman]

I guess the phrase, "Stop you're married," isn't in your vocabulary if you don't think you had a hand in breaking her vows.

Actually that phrase did come out a few times. Do you know how hard it is for a guy to let a girl stop taking off his clothes, it's pretty damned hard

[AndThePickles]

Agreed, but even if I stop and tell her I can't see her anymore. Isn't that just as bad if he goes the rest of his life never knowing it happened. Like I won't tell him, under any circumstances, that doesn't mean I don't think he should know

It sounds like you're trying to justify a wrong because you've already done it. I think it is just as wrong EVERY time you continue to see this woman. That's like saying, "oh, I murdered someone already, so I may as well keep up the killing spree."

[Wiseman]

Are you saying that it would be just as bad if you stopped sleeping with her, since the husband doesn't know, so you should just keep sleeping with her?

Hmm, no, but does me stopping make it any better?

[AndThePickles]

Actually that phrase did come out a few times. Do you know how hard it is for a guy to let a girl stop taking off his clothes, it's pretty damned hard

It may be difficult, but it certainly isn't impossible.

[Gilpesh]

Actually that phrase did come out a few times. Do you know how hard it is for a guy to let a girl stop taking off his clothes, it's pretty damned hard
Alright. I'm ready to answer the question in your original post.


You're a scumbag. :up:

[Wiseman]

We don't need to compare infidelity to murder do we?

[Anubis]

It sounds like you're trying to justify a wrong because you've already done it. I think it is just as wrong EVERY time you continue to see this woman. That's like saying, "oh, I murdered someone already, so I may as well keep up the killing spree."

Well, they say the second time is always easier. :)

[The Squirrel]

Hmm, no, but does me stopping make it any better?

Yes.
Alright. I'm ready to answer the question in your original post.


You're a scumbag. :up:
Agreed. :up:

[AndThePickles]

We don't need to compare infidelity to murder do we?

You obviously take infidelity a lot more lightly than I do. But no, it's not to literally compare them, just to prove a point about justification and repeated wrongs.

[Wiseman]

You know, I don't hear any actual advice, all I hear is judging. I don't know why there can't be a little of both

[The Squirrel]

You know, I don't hear any actual advice, all I hear is judging. I don't know why there can't be a little of both

The advice is to stop sleeping with a married woman.

[AndThePickles]

You asked people whether you are a scumbag or if you should just stop thinking about it :huh: Personally, I'm not even calling you a scumbag, as you are human just like the rest of us and make mistakes. (Or, you may not think of it as a mistake at all...again, the fact that it is a mistake just represents MY morals) Do I think you should just stop thinking about it? No, I think you should stop sleeping with her. But I also think you have to come to that decision because you want to, not because the people on this forum want you to.

[Anita18]

She's not the one who breaks up with me.
Wait so...you break up with her when she leaves her fiance for you and is now cheating on her husband with you?

Now you're a certified scumbag. :up:

It sounds like you're trying to justify a wrong because you've already done it. I think it is just as wrong EVERY time you continue to see this woman. That's like saying, "oh, I murdered someone already, so I may as well keep up the killing spree."
I must say Pickles, that made me :lmao:

[Anubis]

Ah, so you dumped her. Maybe she has real feelings for you and like a dumbass, settled for somebody else while still pinning for you after you dumped her. I don't know. I'm not a mind reader.


I was in a similar situation up until recently. Only difference is, I didn't feel bad. I guess I am a douche. The only reason I broke it off was because at this point i'm looking for something more and, I didn't love her. I didn't even really like her, as a person. Even if she left her husband for me, I probably wouldn't have wanted anything to do with her. So I had to move on. Truth be told she didn't like me either. I guess we were just passing the time.

It's really just up to you man. Do you have any intention of stopping? If not, then hey, let it play out the way it's gonna play out. Make sure you be careful cuz you never know how he will react if he finds out. Last thing anybody wants is to go out in a double murder suicide over some trim. If you do, then do it and cut off all ties with this chick. Not for your sake but for hers. Cuz she obviously has strong feelings for you and it seems like you don't really know how you feel about her.

[Wiseman]

Wait so...you break up with her when she leaves her fiance for you and is now cheating on her husband with you?

Now you're a certified scumbag. :up:

Wait, if you read my original post, yes she left her fiance for me, a fiance I didn't even know she had until she told me after our first night together, but I didn't just break up with her right after that, we dated for a while. And she wanted more then I could give her at the time so I ended it, way after. I was young, she is 4 years older then me and her life was at a different point then mine was.......................cut to 7 years later, as in now, I find that kinda weird that the passion we had just picked right up like we didn't miss a day, it's not like I tryed to get her to cheat on her husband, and I don't know, maybe we were meant to be after all these years. Now obviously the fact that she's married is a problem, but the chemistry is just too good. After 7 years, doesn't that say something?

Ah, so you dumped her. Maybe she has real feelings for you and like a dumbass, settled for somebody else while still pinning for you after you dumped her. I don't know. I'm not a mind reader.



thankyou

[AndThePickles]

Hmm, I think the real question is, how do you want this to end, Wiseman? Can you imagine eventually marrying her if she divorced her hubby for you? Or do you not want it to end in such a serious manner?

[Anubis]

Yeah, but what about the rest of what I posted?

How do you really feel about her? If she left her husband and filed for divorce tomorrow, would you let her move in with you if she asked? Would you wait until the divorce was final and marry her the next day if she asked you to? If she ends it with this guy, how far are you willing to go with her? Are you gonna step up? Or are you gonna run out on her again?

[Wiseman]

Hmm, I think the real question is, how do you want this to end, Wiseman? Can you imagine eventually marrying her if she divorced her hubby for you? Or do you not want it to end in such a serious manner?

See, that's the thing. I think part of the reason why she loves me so much is because I'm not like anyone she's ever met. My upbringing was completely different, the kinds of friends I had, the jobs I've worked, my twisted sense of humor, all things that I think help with what makes her look at me the way she does. Now I know she would marry me someday if I asked, I know she would've 7 years ago, and I know this sounds like I'm crazy but I don't think she'd cheat on me. I know the way she looks at me compared to anyone else that's ever been in her life. What concerns me is, the parts of me that she finds endearing, aren't those also going to be the parts that get annoying after a while. Like for instance, I don't go to church, I'm agnostic. Her family is Irish catholic, and at first I know I won't get pressured to go, but how long until that becomes something that her family would get mad at her about therefore causing her to get mad at me? She's also a very goal oriented person, moreso then anyone I've ever known. Me, not so much. Like I have a great career but I have no idea what the future holds for me. She likes big family gatherings and I feel uncomfortable at them. I just wonder how much of our differences will get in the way. And I don't mean at first, I mean like years later.

[Wiseman]

Yeah, but what about the rest of what I posted?

How do you really feel about her? If she left her husband and filed for divorce tomorrow, would you let her move in with you if she asked? Would you wait until the divorce was final and marry her the next day if she asked you to? If she ends it with this guy, how far are you willing to go with her? Are you gonna step up? Or are you gonna run out on her again?

I love her, I do. And I am mature enough to be there. As far as her leaving her husband, trust me, she'd be getting the house. And as far as us moving in together, I would want to wait a couple months at least. I mean that's just harsh to leave your husband and be living with someone else in a matter of days. But as far as whether or not I think we have a future, i think we would

[Anubis]

Dude, leave this poor woman alone. You don't love her. If she ends up leaving her husband for you and you dump her again, THAT would make you a scumbag. If you feel anything for her, you'd end it and try to let her move on with her life.

[Dark Phantom]

Saturday I particpated in an annual day of activities with my theater friends from school. We played football, had a bbq and then a scavenger hunt later that night. It was a lot of fun. However, my ex (who i broke up with) forced herself to join my car for the scavenger hunt. Now she has moved on more than I have, as she has been dating one of my "best friends" for 6 months now. I however have remained single ever since i had to end it with her. Still, during that time I kept feeling regret that i broke up with her like maybe I made a big mistake. Well, being around her more closely this weekend made me realize just why I broke up with her. She's very dependent and clingy (she was hanging onto her boyfriend and they were kissing right in front of me). Then when we're in the car, she all of a sudden took charage and started telling me what to do. Also when ever we'd have a group conversation, she'd interrupt with one of her stories so she could get alot of attention.

So then like yesterday me and a friend of hers went to the library together :cwink:. Nothing happened between us. There was no obvious flirting or the sexual tension. No need to make a move. It was very casual. Two friends enjoying each other's company. Which is actually the best thing I need right now. Im graduating and the last thing I need is more relationship drama in my life. Here's the very interesting thing about how compatible we are....We both read comic books, BUT she only reads manga, she refuses to read anything with american art :csad:. That and she says she wants to be a sex therapist when she gets older :o.

My point is, you just have to go with the flow and take where life leads you. Sometimes chasing after someone really isn't worth it. Television, movies, and society, for that matter, fill our heads with this glossy perfected image of the standard relationship. Sometimes the best relationship is the casual friend. Who knows maybe something more can grow between me and this girl?

[amazingfantasy15]

Ok so I want real responses to this. And from as much people as possible. So there's this woman who I dated 7 years ago, now what I didn't know when I met her was that she was engaged. She left her fiance to be with me, we dated for a while then we went our seperate ways, even though we hooked up a couple times after we split. Cut to about 3 months ago, I ended up getting in touch with her again, and we basically started where we left and we're all over eachother. Only now she's married, to a different guy. Now, I have yet to know an ex girlfriend that wouldn't cheat on any guy with me, but this is different..........she's married, I've had sex with an ex who was engaged but married is kinda crossing the line. Am I a scumbag or should I just not think about it. I mean it really isn't my fault that after 7 years she's still willing to leave whatever guy she's with to be with me. All I'm doing is acting on her desires. What do you all think???

You're a scumbag, why can't you find a girl that isn't involved in a relationship already, since it sounds like this isn't the first time you've been the other guy in a relationship? You sound very immature and seem to only think with your d**k, also you might want to keep your ego in check, cause it's about to consume you. Also if a girl is cheating on her with you, she's just as likely to cheat on you, I'd double or triple bag it if I where you, you're playing with fire there and by fire I mean you could very well start to have a burning sensation when you pee.

[terry78]

I have to stop coming in this thread. Everytime I read any post I just burst out laughing.

[amazingfantasy15]

im so close to calling that girl. i asked to get sent home from work cos i kept breaking down.

Get a grip man, calling her probably won't change anything. You've screwed up a number of opportunities with her already, you may have had a chance, but not anymore. Learn from your mistakes, next time be confident, make a real move, when you ask her on a date follow through on it, make definite plans, don't be so wishy washy.

[Eggyman]

LOL

Did you just tell him to follow through on a date? :lmao:

[amazingfantasy15]

LOL

Did you just tell him to follow through on a date? :lmao:

Well he said the last time he asked her out, but never actually made plans to go out. Personally I think that's where his problems started.

[Erzengel]

Uchiha, it's over.

You have a few little shreds of dignity, just move on and don't embarrass yourself.

Trying to call her or find excuses to talk to her to give you this false hope that there's a chance is counter productive. She said she doesn't see you as more than a friend. Move the f' on.

[katie_girl09]

She's not the one who breaks up with me.




Well, here's the thing. I don't think any woman would cheat on me, and it's not cause I think I'm gods gift or anything, I just don't operate like normal guys. I treat them better, I make sure I satisfy, and I have a certain vibe about me, something I can't explain. And as far as whether I see myself having a future with this woman, you know, life is weird and I don't look at things like I did when I was younger and thought of this perfect loving normal marriage.[/quote]
:wow: Wow. We have a bit of a superiority complex, don't we? You don't think there are lots of great men and women out there who get cheated on regardless? What makes you so special?
You know, I don't hear any actual advice, all I hear is judging. I don't know why there can't be a little of both
Uhm, maybe because you're wrong? And you know it? C'mon dude, you didn't expect to post something like that and NOT have people tell you that you're wrong, did you?
Dude, leave this poor woman alone. You don't love her. If she ends up leaving her husband for you and you dump her again, THAT would make you a scumbag. If you feel anything for her, you'd end it and try to let her move on with her life.
:up: Let her move on with her life. You're being selfish.

[uchiha_itachi]

Problem sorted.

[Eggyman]

Problem sorted.

Cool. Double check the knots though.

[uchiha_itachi]

the what now?

[Erzengel]

I'll bite. How did you sort out your problem?

[uchiha_itachi]

Met up with her and we talked.

[Erzengel]

Considering most guys have been in your situation, from personal experience, I'd advise you to distance yourself from her until your feelings have subsided. Which usually means finding someone else to date, which would inevitably distance yourself from her as it is.

[uchiha_itachi]

We have both just agree'd to carry on as normal. but i will do a bit of distancing aswell. were are super close...slighty more close than i thought we where tbh. as she said she regarded out little circle as family. i didnt get any answers. but ive made my peace with it.

[Anita18]

I have to stop coming in this thread. Everytime I read any post I just burst out laughing.
Why would that stop you from coming here? Lulz are fun! :hehe:

[Roughneck]

Well then here's on for Terry78

for anyone interested in followup from my dilema from a while back.....She started seeing someone else, and would still like to go out with my but not right now because she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone. Who knows what the future holds?

her words.

[amazingfantasy15]

Well then here's on for Terry78

for anyone interested in followup from my dilema from a while back.....She started seeing someone else, and would still like to go out with my but not right now because she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone. Who knows what the future holds?

her words.

This makes absolutely no sense.

[Erzengel]

It makes sense in the way that she's either A) letting him down gently by foolishly giving him hope that there is a possibility they could see each other in the future or B) she's uncertain about the "someone else" and wants to keep him around in case things go sour, essentially "second choice".

[Cunning Stunts]

Well then here's on for Terry78

for anyone interested in followup from my dilema from a while back.....She started seeing someone else, and would still like to go out with my but not right now because she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone. Who knows what the future holds?

her words.

Translation: She's keeping you around just in case this dude doesn't work out. Drop her, man. You're a back-up to her.

[Anubis]

Well then here's on for Terry78

for anyone interested in followup from my dilema from a while back.....She started seeing someone else, and would still like to go out with my but not right now because she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone. Who knows what the future holds?

her words.

She got any cute friends?

[AndThePickles]

Translation: She's keeping you around just in case this dude doesn't work out. Drop her, man. You're a back-up to her.
Ditto. If she wanted to be dating you, she would be.

[Gilpesh]

She got any cute friends?
Listen to this man. Hook up with a friend of hers. If she ever comes crawling back to you... give her that little line she gave you.

[Anubis]

Revenge is a dish best served................inside somebody's pants. :o

[Roughneck]

and cold......Cold and in the pants......I'm not a freak

[Erzengel]

But don't be a chump and settle for being a "second choice".

[Majic Walrus]

Well then here's on for Terry78

for anyone interested in followup from my dilema from a while back.....She started seeing someone else, and would still like to go out with my but not right now because she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone. Who knows what the future holds?

her words.

I think I side with the majority. She says she doesn't want to be unfair to anyone but keeping you strung along waiting for your chance is pretty unfair if you ask me.

Tell her that you've met someone too and that you plan on dating them until she lets you know that it's your turn then see how she feels when the tables turn.

[KenK]

So about a week and a half ago (not this past Friday, but the previous Friday), I go to a friend's birthday party. I meet one of her friends (who's also her co-worker), and she's this really cute girl that I decide to chat up. She seems intelligent, bubbly personality, well-traveled like yours truly, and the fact that she came with two gay male friends immediately said "single" to me! So by the end of the night, we're exchanging the digits.

Now, I figure at this point, neither of us has really done anything to suggest an interest in romantic pursuit, so I'm content to hang back until the next opportunity for us to hang out among friends presents itself, which I would find out would be the following weekend, as my friend calls me up the Wednesday before the party to tell me that the girl has apparently been wondering when I was gonna call her. I try not to think much of it, but really, why would she be asking about me calling her, if there wasn't SOME interest. So I call her up the next day, we chat, and she tells me about the housewarming barbeque she's having, and I front like I may not be able to make it, the whole "I can't make any promises, but I'll try", routine. Besides, I knew I had a funeral to go to that day, and I didn't know how long I would be obligated to stay glued to the fam during the post-repasse hours. But as it turned out, folks were ready to come home and chill by five, six o'clock, giving me plenty of time to hit the party.

So I go, meet up with some friends who are already there, and the girl is in total hostess mode, which was to be expected. We do the meet and greet, she introduces me to friends and roommates, but she's gotta do this with pretty much everyone. The night goes on and again, I'm more taking the stance of just being there and no trying to crowd her, but my friends keep pushing me to approach her, but it always seems like an inopportune time, and I eventually have to cower back to my friends and wait for another opportunity. And then when I do get a chance to engage in coversation with her, along with the rest of my friends, they're saying a whole heap of crap that steers the conversation into downer territory. But we still seem to have a few nice moments, some body language from her that seems semi-flirty, not to mention taking a swig of my beer that I had already started drinking (I coulda backwashed for all she knew, and she didn't seem to give a rat's ass!).

All seemed well when I left, and the next day, I figured I was in a good position to propose at the very least, a casual after-work meeting for drinks. I had to express this in a voicemail message, but my reasoning was that if I were REALLY serious about letting her know I wanted us to go on a date or some sh** like that, I'd have waited until I was able to talk to her in real time. At least with a voicemail, it seemed more casual and matter-of-factly, and totally no pressure. . . . .no call back. This was Sunday. So my friend calls and tells me that the girl doesn't seem to be feeling it right now. Something about coming on too strong, and putting too much pressure on her, and just a whole bunch of crap I'm tired of dealing with quite frankly. SHE was the one asking when I was gonna call! If anything, I was the one under pressure. Between her and my friends all pushing me in her direction at times I didn't think would work to my advantage, that's a lot of me to handle. How much pressure am I putting the girl under by just going out for drinks after work and seeing what happens? It seems like nowadays, you gotta have x number of casual group encounters with people before you can even entertain the thought of asking a person of interest if they'd like to get together one-on-one and just "hang out". Even at that stage of the game, you can't call it what it's supposed to be: A F***ING DATE!

I try not to get worked up about it, but it just keeps happeneing! I could understand if we actually got to the first date, and after that first day, it's decided that things don't need to go further. But damn! I can't seem to even get that first date anyway!

[KenK]

So about a week and a half ago (not this past Friday, but the previous Friday), I go to a friend's birthday party. I meet one of her friends (who's also her co-worker), and she's this really cute girl that I decide to chat up. She seems intelligent, bubbly personality, well-traveled like yours truly, and the fact that she came with two gay male friends immediately said "single" to me! So by the end of the night, we're exchanging the digits.

Now, I figure at this point, neither of us has really done anything to suggest an interest in romantic pursuit, so I'm content to hang back until the next opportunity for us to hang out among friends presents itself, which I would find out would be the following weekend, as my friend calls me up the Wednesday before the party to tell me that the girl has apparently been wondering when I was gonna call her. I try not to think much of it, but really, why would she be asking about me calling her, if there wasn't SOME interest. So I call her up the next day, we chat, and she tells me about the housewarming barbeque she's having, and I front like I may not be able to make it, the whole "I can't make any promises, but I'll try", routine. Besides, I knew I had a funeral to go to that day, and I didn't know how long I would be obligated to stay glued to the fam during the post-repasse hours. But as it turned out, folks were ready to come home and chill by five, six o'clock, giving me plenty of time to hit the party.

So I go, meet up with some friends who are already there, and the girl is in total hostess mode, which was to be expected. We do the meet and greet, she introduces me to friends and roommates, but she's gotta do this with pretty much everyone. The night goes on and again, I'm more taking the stance of just being there and no trying to crowd her, but my friends keep pushing me to approach her, but it always seems like an inopportune time, and I eventually have to cower back to my friends and wait for another opportunity. And then when I do get a chance to engage in coversation with her, along with the rest of my friends, they're saying a whole heap of crap that steers the conversation into downer territory. But we still seem to have a few nice moments, some body language from her that seems semi-flirty, not to mention taking a swig of my beer that I had already started drinking (I coulda backwashed for all she knew, and she didn't seem to give a rat's ass!).

All seemed well when I left, and the next day, I figured I was in a good position to propose at the very least, a casual after-work meeting for drinks. I had to express this in a voicemail message, but my reasoning was that if I were REALLY serious about letting her know I wanted us to go on a date or some sh** like that, I'd have waited until I was able to talk to her in real time. At least with a voicemail, it seemed more casual and matter-of-factly, and totally no pressure. . . . .no call back. This was Sunday. So my friend calls and tells me that the girl doesn't seem to be feeling it right now. Something about coming on too strong, and putting too much pressure on her, and just a whole bunch of crap I'm tired of dealing with quite frankly. SHE was the one asking when I was gonna call! If anything, I was the one under pressure. Between her and my friends all pushing me in her direction at times I didn't think would work to my advantage, that's a lot of me to handle. How much pressure am I putting the girl under by just going out for drinks after work and seeing what happens? It seems like nowadays, you gotta have x number of casual group encounters with people before you can even entertain the thought of asking a person of interest if they'd like to get together one-on-one and just "hang out". Even at that stage of the game, you can't call it what it's supposed to be: A F***ING DATE!

I try not to get worked up about it, but it just keeps happeneing! I could understand if we actually got to the first date, and after that first day, it's decided that things don't need to go further. But damn! I can't seem to even get that first date anyway!

[Erzengel]

Maybe you and your friends said or did something that turned her off at her party? Or maybe she's just a flake.

Honestly from what you posted it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong but like I said, it could be a nuance or a vibe you put off or a list of things your friends said or didn't say that may have soured her. Who knows.

Regardless, it's safe to say things won't be progressing so dust yourself of and move on to the next person.

[uchiha_itachi]

Girls suck. end of. lol

[Daisy]

Maybe your and her friends were doing the same thing to her as they were to you? So she, too, felt pressured.

Perhaps she didn't actually ask why you didn't call, but people wanted to get you two together so they were manipulating things.

[KenK]

Maybe your and her friends were doing the same thing to her as they were to you? So she, too, felt pressured.

Perhaps she didn't actually ask why you didn't call, but people wanted to get you two together so they were manipulating things.

If that's the case, then f*** my friends!! I was moving at my own pace, and clearly, it wasn't going to be long before the opportunity presented itself for us to continue getting to know each other.

EDIT: Okay, maybe not f** my friends, but if not for their insistence, I'd have happily waited for another party where she'd be at, or I'd have innocently invited her to a group function without applying any romantic connotation.

[amazingfantasy15]

So about a week and a half ago (not this past Friday, but the previous Friday), I go to a friend's birthday party. I meet one of her friends (who's also her co-worker), and she's this really cute girl that I decide to chat up. She seems intelligent, bubbly personality, well-traveled like yours truly, and the fact that she came with two gay male friends immediately said "single" to me! So by the end of the night, we're exchanging the digits.

Now, I figure at this point, neither of us has really done anything to suggest an interest in romantic pursuit, so I'm content to hang back until the next opportunity for us to hang out among friends presents itself, which I would find out would be the following weekend, as my friend calls me up the Wednesday before the party to tell me that the girl has apparently been wondering when I was gonna call her. I try not to think much of it, but really, why would she be asking about me calling her, if there wasn't SOME interest. So I call her up the next day, we chat, and she tells me about the housewarming barbeque she's having, and I front like I may not be able to make it, the whole "I can't make any promises, but I'll try", routine. Besides, I knew I had a funeral to go to that day, and I didn't know how long I would be obligated to stay glued to the fam during the post-repasse hours. But as it turned out, folks were ready to come home and chill by five, six o'clock, giving me plenty of time to hit the party.

So I go, meet up with some friends who are already there, and the girl is in total hostess mode, which was to be expected. We do the meet and greet, she introduces me to friends and roommates, but she's gotta do this with pretty much everyone. The night goes on and again, I'm more taking the stance of just being there and no trying to crowd her, but my friends keep pushing me to approach her, but it always seems like an inopportune time, and I eventually have to cower back to my friends and wait for another opportunity. And then when I do get a chance to engage in coversation with her, along with the rest of my friends, they're saying a whole heap of crap that steers the conversation into downer territory. But we still seem to have a few nice moments, some body language from her that seems semi-flirty, not to mention taking a swig of my beer that I had already started drinking (I coulda backwashed for all she knew, and she didn't seem to give a rat's ass!).

All seemed well when I left, and the next day, I figured I was in a good position to propose at the very least, a casual after-work meeting for drinks. I had to express this in a voicemail message, but my reasoning was that if I were REALLY serious about letting her know I wanted us to go on a date or some sh** like that, I'd have waited until I was able to talk to her in real time. At least with a voicemail, it seemed more casual and matter-of-factly, and totally no pressure. . . . .no call back. This was Sunday. So my friend calls and tells me that the girl doesn't seem to be feeling it right now. Something about coming on too strong, and putting too much pressure on her, and just a whole bunch of crap I'm tired of dealing with quite frankly. SHE was the one asking when I was gonna call! If anything, I was the one under pressure. Between her and my friends all pushing me in her direction at times I didn't think would work to my advantage, that's a lot of me to handle. How much pressure am I putting the girl under by just going out for drinks after work and seeing what happens? It seems like nowadays, you gotta have x number of casual group encounters with people before you can even entertain the thought of asking a person of interest if they'd like to get together one-on-one and just "hang out". Even at that stage of the game, you can't call it what it's supposed to be: A F***ING DATE!

I try not to get worked up about it, but it just keeps happeneing! I could understand if we actually got to the first date, and after that first day, it's decided that things don't need to go further. But damn! I can't seem to even get that first date anyway!

Seems like you screwed up right almost right from go here, stop waiting till x number of group get togethers to ask her out, if the girl gives you her number call and ask her out. Stop playing those games. As for the excuse it could just be that an excuse because you were being a pussy about asking her out, may be harsh, but it's true. If it wasn't an out and out excuse, the pressure could be that you're friends were co-mingling too well, before you're even going out you both meeting each other friends, which is a big step. You should've just tried to get to know her outside a social setting. How did you word your voicemail, did you make it clear that you wanted it to be just you and her, you did you imply maybe having some other people around too. The way I read the email you sent the girl mixed signals and she made up an excuse.

[KenK]

All I said in the voicemail, was if she was free after work, we should get together for drinks.

[Anita18]

Maybe you and your friends said or did something that turned her off at her party? Or maybe she's just a flake.

Honestly from what you posted it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong but like I said, it could be a nuance or a vibe you put off or a list of things your friends said or didn't say that may have soured her. Who knows.

Regardless, it's safe to say things won't be progressing so dust yourself of and move on to the next person.
I agree.

[Cunning Stunts]

Yeah but waiting until a group of friends is around her to make any moves is kind of jacked up. On top of that, you probably made it evident that you were "chickening out" of talking to her (whether or not you were chickening out, she might have taken it that way) by the way you left her alone or "cowered back" to your friends.

Or, much as Erz said, she could just be a fickle *****. Drop her ass and move on, regardless. :up:

[Eggyman]

Could be any number of things. Best not concentrating on the negative.

[Anita18]

Yeah but waiting until a group of friends is around her to make any moves is kind of jacked up. On top of that, you probably made it evident that you were "chickening out" of talking to her (whether or not you were chickening out, she might have taken it that way) by the way you left her alone or "cowered back" to your friends.

Or, much as Erz said, she could just be a fickle *****. Drop her ass and move on, regardless. :up:
After reading the OP a bit more carefully (it was rather long :funny: ) I think she was sorta put off by the fact that you had to get your entire group of friends with you to talk to her. If someone's interested in me, I'd certainly expect him to at least try to get some one-on-one conversation so I could get a better gauge on his personality.

Anyways, what's done is done, it's time to move on, although hopefully having learned something. :yay:

[Cunning Stunts]

Very true. I usually hate when my friends follow me to talk to a girl. That said, I've always been extremely a wuss about asking girls out, so that may be one of the primary reasons.

[amazingfantasy15]

After reading the OP a bit more carefully (it was rather long :funny: ) I think she was sorta put off by the fact that you had to get your entire group of friends with you to talk to her. If someone's interested in me, I'd certainly expect him to at least try to get some one-on-one conversation so I could get a better gauge on his personality.

Anyways, what's done is done, it's time to move on, although hopefully having learned something. :yay:

Yeah, he seemed to be trying to play too many games, not calling after getting her number and instead hoping to find another big get together to see her. He already got the hardest part out of the way, seperating her from the pack to talk alone and get a number. I can understand if he weren't able to get her alone to wait for the next get together. Last summer I had somewhat the same experience, was interested in a friend of a friend, couldn't get her alone to talk, so after a couple unsuccessful attemts at parties, I opted to just ask our mutual friend for her number and asked her out.

[KenK]

But I wasn't trying to play games by not calling her right away. I honestly felt it would be better to get one more group get-together out of the way before making a real move. Much of this due to those same friends telling me I've moved on girls too fast in the past.

[Cunning Stunts]

Long story short, it wasn't better. If she gives you her number, you call her. Hands down. Unless she's into some kinky multiple-line phone sex, then there was no "group" effort needed, intended, or even warranted.

[amazingfantasy15]

But I wasn't trying to play games by not calling her right away. I honestly felt it would be better to get one more group get-together out of the way before making a real move. Much of this due to those same friends telling me I've moved on girls too fast in the past.

Then why'd you exchange numbers if you weren't intending to call her? You were playing games, whether intentional or not. Getting a girls phone number is a real move, it's pretty much the first move. Your friends may have told you you move on girls too fast because you either get emotionally invested too soon or physical too soon. I doubt it would be asking the girl out too soon because you pretty much have small window to show that interest.

[Cunning Stunts]

Holy ****, this thread fell back to page five.

Anyway, it's high time that I get some advice.

Just a quick rundown: I came out of a two-year relationship recently. I'm alright with it, moved on, I'm not constantly blabbering about her to all of my friends. It's irrelevant to my story, but I'm just making those who may have seen that I was in a relationship aware before that I no longer am.

Okay, I started back at my old job recently. In my department, all of us are in relationships except three of us (two guys, including me, and one girl, and the other guy is thoroughly invested in someone else). Well, to try to keep it short, I'm somewhat interested in this girl. We've talked a few short times, most recently, I asked her what she was doing that day, and she replied, "What do you mean?"- I think she thinks I was puttin' the moves on her. I wasn't, but I'd like to.

Here's the problem though. My confidence level with girls I'm interested in, whether or not the interest is reciprocated, is very low (although I'm fairly sure I don't make it apparent- that I'm interested or that I'm deathly afraid of asking a girl out- that just doesn't suit my personality at all, according to my friends). ESPECIALLY with this particular woman. To put it into perspective, we're looking at a situation like Knocked Up, where I'm pretty much Seth Rogen (I'm not a fat, curly-haired stoner, but I'm not exactly an attractive dude, and I'm pretty much a joker) and she's Catherine Heigl (here's the worst part: this girl really is a model- and a damned good one at that). I have no clue how to approach such a situation, and I literally feel like I'm a glutton for punishment for really thinking about making a move (as I'm almost positive I'll get shot down.

I just want others' opinions/thoughts on the situation. It'd be much appreciated.

[AndThePickles]

Eh, without being lengthy or anything, I always think those situations are worth a shot. What could it really hurt? I'll never forget, the first guy who asked me out and I accepted admitted that he was SHOCKED that I said yes, because he thought he didn't have a chance in hell with me.

You'd be surprised how many pretty women aren't asked out much (only hit on for sexual reasons) due to men being intimidated. It's worth a try!

[Anubis]

She's a model? Offer to hook her up with some coke. Let things develop from there. :o


Seriously though, go for it, so she turns you down. I mean, it's not like you're gonna have to see here everyday or anyth......uh, never mind. :o

[Cunning Stunts]

Eh, without being lengthy or anything, I always think those situations are worth a shot. What could it really hurt? I'll never forget, the first guy who asked me out and I accepted admitted that he was SHOCKED that I said yes, because he thought he didn't have a chance in hell with me.

You'd be surprised how many pretty women aren't asked out much (only hit on for sexual reasons) due to men being intimidated. It's worth a try!

Well ****, you've seen me, but you must see this girl to get the picture. I'm not exaggerating by the Seth Rogen-Catherine Heigl thing. :p I know looks aren't anything, but you put it 100% correctly... I'm quite intimidated by the fact that she's a model... And I'm, well, not exactly a model, haha.

On top of that, I really get the feeling she's into the Brad Pitt types. Which, you of all people on this board know, I am not. I'm really torn between, "Do I just let it go?" and, "Do I try to talk to her more, on the very small off-chance that I may succeed?" I'm leaning toward the former, but my friend is pushing me toward the latter.

[Cunning Stunts]

She's a model? Offer to hook her up with some coke. Let things develop from there. :o


Seriously though, go for it, so she turns you down. I mean, it's not like you're gonna have to see here everyday or anyth......uh, never mind. :o

Lmao, I'd have an easier time doing that if I did coke. :o

[Anubis]

Well, look at it this way. She's not with anybody right now. Maybe theres a reason. Maybe that reason is because she has irritable bowel syndrome. And her having a bad case of the poopsy whoo whoos may just put her at about your level. As long as you assume that while your talking to her, she's trying her damnedest to hold back the poo, you'll have all the confidence you need. :up:

Remember, the only reason she's on that pedestal is because you put her there. if that helps.

[Wolfwood]

Could get her drunk and pregnant like Seth Rogen did, that seemed to work out.

Seriously, I could use the same advice. I have a decent confidence level and I can usually chat it up with most people, but when it comes to approaching a girl I'm interested in, my mind blanks. I guess it's like performance anxiety? These days though, I give it a shot no matter what. Back in high school I used to think the girls were out of my league and so I never bothered, which left me with a lot of regrets. So now I try to struggle through my awkwardness and approach the girl because, for me, being shot down is not as bad as never knowing if I stood a chance.

[enterthemadness]

Even though I am lonely, I gotta say it...I just don't have the time or money for a gf right now. I rather work out and prepare to go to LA Film School in late October. Took me a long time to realize that. Girls just make me weak and ****. No offense to girls.

[Cunning Stunts]

Well, look at it this way. She's not with anybody right now. Maybe theres a reason. Maybe that reason is because she has irritable bowel syndrome. And her having a bad case of the poopsy whoo whoos may just put her at about your level. As long as you assume that while your talking to her, she's trying her damnedest to hold back the poo, you'll have all the confidence you need. :up:

Remember, the only reason she's on that pedestal is because you put her there. if that helps.

As retarded as you are, that's probably one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard.

Just kidding about the first part. :p But wow, yeah, I never thought of it that way.

[Cunning Stunts]

Could get her drunk and pregnant like Seth Rogen did, that seemed to work out.

Seriously, I could use the same advice. I have a decent confidence level and I can usually chat it up with most people, but when it comes to approaching a girl I'm interested in, my mind blanks. I guess it's like performance anxiety? These days though, I give it a shot no matter what. Back in high school I used to think the girls were out of my league and so I never bothered, which left me with a lot of regrets. So now I try to struggle through my awkwardness and approach the girl because, for me, being shot down is not as bad as never knowing if I stood a chance.

I feel the same exact way... It's the same thing as doing cold reads in auditions for me. I'll have exactly what I want to do planned out, and as soon as I have my opportunity, I forget what I'm doing there. I hate it.

[AndThePickles]

Girls just make me weak and ****. No offense to girls.

Sounds like that's what you've convinced yourself of, but really, only you can allow anyone to make you feel "weak."

[Anubis]

As retarded as you are, that's probably one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard.

Just kidding about the first part. But wow, yeah, I never thought of it that way.



I have my moments. :o

[Anubis]

Sounds like that's what you've convinced yourself of, but really, only you can allow anyone to make you feel "weak."


Yeah, I mean, i've gotten laid far more often now that i'm out of work than I did when I had a job. Chicks can be amazingly understanding if they really like you. Just ask your average womanizer/wife beater.

[enterthemadness]

Sounds like that's what you've convinced yourself of, but really, only you can allow anyone to make you feel "weak."

True, and I'm hella shy and fear of being shotdown. But I rather be single anyhow for a bit longer. More than likely I will get accepted to LA Film School. No point in trying to get a gf now with only months before leaving out. Once in LA, I just wanna go to school, work out as much as possible, keep in touch with people (family and friends and online friends here), and oh yeah....:cmad: CONAN O BRIEN. I just gotta attend a free taping, got too. I ain't gonna doge school for it, but when on vacation I can probably go.

[enterthemadness]

Yeah, I mean, i've gotten laid far more often now that i'm out of work than I did when I had a job. Chicks can be amazingly understanding if they really like you. Just ask your average womanizer/wife beater.

That is messed up but true.

[Anubis]

That is messed up but true.

Yeah, i'm doing dark comedy tonight.

[enterthemadness]

Yeah, i'm doing dark comedy tonight.

It's good every now and then, like horror comedy. If I had a gf...and it was that time of the month...I would every so often..make jokes about it. I be like 'are you donating blood?' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah...I'm a *******.

[Anubis]

Ah, I see why you don't have a girlfriend. :o :p

[Gilpesh]

Yeah, i'm doing dark comedy tonight.
It's not funny unless Jeremy Piven accidentally kills a hooker while having sex with her.

[Anubis]

But of course.

[enterthemadness]

Ah, I see why you don't have a girlfriend. :o :p

You got me. :o:yay:

[Anubis]

I debated whether to go there, but you set me up so nicely. I pretty much had to. :o

[uchiha_itachi]

I feel the same exact way... It's the same thing as doing cold reads in auditions for me. I'll have exactly what I want to do planned out, and as soon as I have my opportunity, I forget what I'm doing there. I hate it.


Im also similar to that stuff aswell. when its a girl i actually like it just fails somhow..i think cos im to nice. but when its girls i dont give a **** about i seem to attract them? cos im not afraid of sayin anything to them...like bein harsh but funni or havin arguments with them ( im basing this on the girls i work with who most of which have said im there favorite guy there..or i can just tell they like me. ) but u kno..im not afraid to be a dick...and unfortunitly tht works...or dont give them attention and they like you? or tease them a lil and they like you.

and tht pisses me off....i dont know what happens i just get to self concious of sayin somthing wrong so i think im overly nice and tht turns them off. or im slow in my acting on it.. which in theory im not gonna do anymore.

i hate bein the "nice guy" which i always am to the girls i really like. which aint many. infact ive only ever REALLY liked 3 girls ever. sucks. nice guys dont get anywhere.

[Doctor Jones]

What can you do to get the attention of a girl? And how in the hell can you tell when a girl is into you or checking you out?

[enterthemadness]

I debated whether to go there, but you set me up so nicely. I pretty much had to. :o

Yea. It's like in NBA. gO UP FOR THE ALLEY UP PASS FOR A DUNK Ah, caps.

[Cunning Stunts]

What can you do to get the attention of a girl? And how in the hell can you tell when a girl is into you or checking you out?

There are things called Indicators of Interest... Which I can generally pick up on, so long as it's not a girl I'm attracted to and her "indications" point toward me. I have the overbearingly bad tendency to misconstrue, miss, or exaggerate "signals" I get from girls I'm interested in.

[Aluchak]

What can you do to get the attention of a girl? And how in the hell can you tell when a girl is into you or checking you out?

Walk up to her and tell her shes fat.
and Ask her if she is interested in you really bluntly in a creepy way.

[AndThePickles]

Sounds like some of you guys are really over-thinking things.

[Dark Phantom]

Sounds like some of you guys are really over-thinking things.

We are all on a superhero message board...who do you think you're talking to? Stable people? :o

[Cunning Stunts]

Sounds like some of you guys are really over-thinking things.

I'm very guilty of over-thinking when it involves the relationship between a girl I'm interested in and myself. I'm way too self-conscious and hesitant for my own good.

[Anubis]

I can understand the problem. I had the same problem in highschool. You get it in your head that these really beautiful people are some how, these incredible, interesting, perfect things to be worshiped from a far, but if you actually got to know them you'd realize they are anything but. It's hard to really, move away from that way of thinking. All I can say is that it comes with experience.

[Erzengel]

If girls are saying, you're a nice guy but...it probably means more they aren't attractive to you whether mentally, physically, or emotionally. Enough with using the "nice guy" excuse as a crutch of why you can't get someone.

[Cunning Stunts]

Especially since, many times, you're not the nice guy, as you're manipulating the girl into thinking you're not who you really are in order to get her to like you more.

[Anubis]

Also, you probably smell bad. :o

[Cunning Stunts]

And are probably terrible in bed.

[enterthemadness]

And are probably terrible in bed.

:o oh, I know I am. I'm still a virgin.

[Anubis]

It's not that hard. Just use the old Konami Code.

[enterthemadness]

It's not that hard. Just use the old Konami Code.

1, 2, 3, blast off, thrust and pull out? :huh::o

[Anubis]

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, T, A, select start silly. :o

[DarthDaveBanner]

I had a nervous breakdown last year during which a hell of a lot of girls hit on me.

If all else fails...

[Anubis]

Nothing sexier than crazy.

[Gilpesh]

Actually. It's half, half, whole, swirl.... hide behind a rock.

[enterthemadness]

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, T, A, select start silly. :o

That does what in Killer Instinct? (man, that fighting game series died, even SF and Tekken are still going today. And MK)

[Sugarculted]

Well, I'm going to succumb to posting here, thanks to a troubling matter which has left me without much sleep.

:|

Around a month ago, my other half dumped me via text message whilst I was working a night shift. Suffice to say, a three year relationship boiled down to a break up thanks to an uneasy week or two. She had decided that I wasn't 'intimate' enough, and that we just didn't have enough sex any more. She felt it was right, and left me in a horrible state that night - ending up on the phone to her, crying my eyes out. I got myself into a slightly uneasy state which scared her, but I tried to recover over this past month.

Problem is, recovery is a *****. I soon attached myself to another lady who I had known from the same class on me. We had both been working on the same degree and I felt like it was right, I always found her attractive anyway...but, I feel like I've rushed into things. She's awkward around me and almost everything we do reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

We were known as the best couple around the area, we never argued and she even took me for a weekend away in London to see one of my favourite bands play as a surprise for my birthday. It was amazing, and I could see that that was true love...two weeks later however, after a incredibly strong 3 years she dumps me via text. Apparently she was in a wreck too, and I later ended up regretting the 200 spent on a stripper and alcohol with some friends. It felt like some way of getting over her, but that didn't work out well.

So, over a month on...I still feel empty and lost. She helped me through the worst of times when I had nowhere to go, we visited so many places together and I was really a favourite in the family. I'm reminded of her with every piece of music I listen to, everything I watch and everything I smell. I'm a lost man, and this new girlfriend of mine - I'm really being unfair on. I have to get my head clear and inform her that I'm still recovering...but how do I?

She broke up with me in such a bad way, and I could never talk things through. I've got anger issues now, and I'm generally known as such a calm person. I sleep and dream about her almost every night, and I just can't continue without finding some peace.

Unfortunately for me, I'm moving into my new house in a fortnight and we're both under the same estate agents. I'll be picking up my keys the same time as her, and we'll be moving in on the same day (she lives round the corner). I can tell that I will end up bumping into her at some point...but for now, I don't know what to do.

People have said that I should contact her, but that's betraying my current girlfriend even worse than I am now. How do I know she wants to talk back to me? Why did she dump me so suddenly? I'm a shell of a man right now, and I need help.


So yeah, I finally decided to post here. Any comments are greatly appreciated, I need help.

[uchiha_itachi]

Talk to her. you feel tht strongly about her then you gotta fight for her. tbh you obviously dont care much bout this new gf, she seems like a rebound to me.

so yeah talk to her.

though my advice may not be tht great as you may be able to tell if you ever saw my posts in here...im very lost/broken also. but if i where in your position i would talk to her, specially if its been a while since youve spoken to her.

[Sugarculted]

It's been around a month now...I'd love to, but I feel like I'll just get too involved again. Things would just get worse.

So stuck.

[uchiha_itachi]

well tbh you will drive yourself crazy thinking about the what ifs otherwise. how much worse could it get if you guys arnt talking now?

its a horrible feeling i know...but i personally think you should talk to her.

[Sugarculted]

Just texted her. First time I contacted her since the break up, just asking whether or not we could chat to stay in contact. No reply yet and I doubt I'll get one, but can't say I didn't try, right?

[uchiha_itachi]

better u did than just not do anything. if you do end up bumping into her just ask if you guys can talk if you still want ur answers.

[Erzengel]

You need closure. However, you rushed into a new relationship without getting "over" your previous girlfriend. Suffice it to say, you have to be honest with how you are feeling right now.

Do you really want your ex back? I have a feeling there's more to this story than you just not being "intimate" enough. However, it doesn't sound like you'd have the answers. She may have used this as an excuse just to break up with you for a whole slew of reasons.

I don't think you are in the mind set to be in any relationship right now. I think if your ex had even a sparkle of hope for your relationship, she would have contacted you. And I think you acknowledged that you aren't being fair to your current gf.

I think you need to be honest with yourself and her that you aren't ready to be in a relationship right now. You aren't being fair to her or yourself. I'd also tell you to be cautious if you attempt to make some time with your ex, like I said, it doesn't sound like the whole story.

[enterthemadness]

Well, I'm going to succumb to posting here, thanks to a troubling matter which has left me without much sleep.

:|

Around a month ago, my other half dumped me via text message whilst I was working a night shift. Suffice to say, a three year relationship boiled down to a break up thanks to an uneasy week or two. She had decided that I wasn't 'intimate' enough, and that we just didn't have enough sex any more. She felt it was right, and left me in a horrible state that night - ending up on the phone to her, crying my eyes out. I got myself into a slightly uneasy state which scared her, but I tried to recover over this past month.

Problem is, recovery is a *****. I soon attached myself to another lady who I had known from the same class on me. We had both been working on the same degree and I felt like it was right, I always found her attractive anyway...but, I feel like I've rushed into things. She's awkward around me and almost everything we do reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

We were known as the best couple around the area, we never argued and she even took me for a weekend away in London to see one of my favourite bands play as a surprise for my birthday. It was amazing, and I could see that that was true love...two weeks later however, after a incredibly strong 3 years she dumps me via text. Apparently she was in a wreck too, and I later ended up regretting the 200 spent on a stripper and alcohol with some friends. It felt like some way of getting over her, but that didn't work out well.

So, over a month on...I still feel empty and lost. She helped me through the worst of times when I had nowhere to go, we visited so many places together and I was really a favourite in the family. I'm reminded of her with every piece of music I listen to, everything I watch and everything I smell. I'm a lost man, and this new girlfriend of mine - I'm really being unfair on. I have to get my head clear and inform her that I'm still recovering...but how do I?

She broke up with me in such a bad way, and I could never talk things through. I've got anger issues now, and I'm generally known as such a calm person. I sleep and dream about her almost every night, and I just can't continue without finding some peace.

Unfortunately for me, I'm moving into my new house in a fortnight and we're both under the same estate agents. I'll be picking up my keys the same time as her, and we'll be moving in on the same day (she lives round the corner). I can tell that I will end up bumping into her at some point...but for now, I don't know what to do.

People have said that I should contact her, but that's betraying my current girlfriend even worse than I am now. How do I know she wants to talk back to me? Why did she dump me so suddenly? I'm a shell of a man right now, and I need help.


So yeah, I finally decided to post here. Any comments are greatly appreciated, I need help.


:o don't foget to shag your new gf before trying to get up with your ex. Just saying. Course, may not be the best thing to do...

[AndThePickles]

Well, I'm going to succumb to posting here, thanks to a troubling matter which has left me without much sleep.

:|

Around a month ago, my other half dumped me via text message whilst I was working a night shift. Suffice to say, a three year relationship boiled down to a break up thanks to an uneasy week or two. She had decided that I wasn't 'intimate' enough, and that we just didn't have enough sex any more. She felt it was right, and left me in a horrible state that night - ending up on the phone to her, crying my eyes out. I got myself into a slightly uneasy state which scared her, but I tried to recover over this past month.

Problem is, recovery is a *****. I soon attached myself to another lady who I had known from the same class on me. We had both been working on the same degree and I felt like it was right, I always found her attractive anyway...but, I feel like I've rushed into things. She's awkward around me and almost everything we do reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

We were known as the best couple around the area, we never argued and she even took me for a weekend away in London to see one of my favourite bands play as a surprise for my birthday. It was amazing, and I could see that that was true love...two weeks later however, after a incredibly strong 3 years she dumps me via text. Apparently she was in a wreck too, and I later ended up regretting the 200 spent on a stripper and alcohol with some friends. It felt like some way of getting over her, but that didn't work out well.

So, over a month on...I still feel empty and lost. She helped me through the worst of times when I had nowhere to go, we visited so many places together and I was really a favourite in the family. I'm reminded of her with every piece of music I listen to, everything I watch and everything I smell. I'm a lost man, and this new girlfriend of mine - I'm really being unfair on. I have to get my head clear and inform her that I'm still recovering...but how do I?

She broke up with me in such a bad way, and I could never talk things through. I've got anger issues now, and I'm generally known as such a calm person. I sleep and dream about her almost every night, and I just can't continue without finding some peace.

Unfortunately for me, I'm moving into my new house in a fortnight and we're both under the same estate agents. I'll be picking up my keys the same time as her, and we'll be moving in on the same day (she lives round the corner). I can tell that I will end up bumping into her at some point...but for now, I don't know what to do.

People have said that I should contact her, but that's betraying my current girlfriend even worse than I am now. How do I know she wants to talk back to me? Why did she dump me so suddenly? I'm a shell of a man right now, and I need help.


So yeah, I finally decided to post here. Any comments are greatly appreciated, I need help.

I'm going to be perfectly blunt and honest:

Dump this new girlfriend. You aren't being fair to her whatsoever. She is your rebound, and a way for you to try and feel better while you're still heartsore over your ex. And you have every right to still be too upset to date...you guys dated for 3 years and you have a girlfriend already? Not a good idea. I've been the rebound girl...it's pretty much the most awful thing, ever, and trust me- she will find out that you aren't over your girlfriend sooner or later.

With your ex- you NEED to talk to her right now. You aren't getting any closure, because you really seem to have no clue why things ended. On the one hand, it sounds like she wasn't mature enough to deal with the first big bump that came in the road in terms of her feelings of security. Three years is often the time that many couples break up, because at that point, you really have to be fully committed to each other and dealing with any problems. On the other hand, there very well could be deeper reasons on her end that she chose to break up with you.

Breaking up through a text message is a sign of complete cowardice, so maybe there really was something bigger going on that she didn't want to tell you about.

[Anubis]

Do what Pickles said. And for God's sake don't dump her in a text! Be real with her, and by real, I mean let her know why you can't be with her right now. You're in a messed up place right now, and its not fair to her. Do it right, and maybe if you can't work it out with your ex, you may be able to get her back. After you've gotten your s**t together of course. :o

[Dark Phantom]

You need closure. However, you rushed into a new relationship without getting "over" your previous girlfriend. Suffice it to say, you have to be honest with how you are feeling right now.

Do you really want your ex back? I have a feeling there's more to this story than you just not being "intimate" enough. However, it doesn't sound like you'd have the answers. She may have used this as an excuse just to break up with you for a whole slew of reasons.

I don't think you are in the mind set to be in any relationship right now. I think if your ex had even a sparkle of hope for your relationship, she would have contacted you. And I think you acknowledged that you aren't being fair to your current gf.

I think you need to be honest with yourself and her that you aren't ready to be in a relationship right now. You aren't being fair to her or yourself. I'd also tell you to be cautious if you attempt to make some time with your ex, like I said, it doesn't sound like the whole story.

I fully agree with everything said here.

I went through a similar problem Sugarculted. It is good to find some closure, but the best thing to do right now is stay single. I know it sounds tough. Like not only are you losing a new girlfriend, but no chance of getting back together with your ex. It's tough feeling alone without someone else to complete you. But you can't let that control your life. That is where family and friends fill in that void. It's all about finding a distraction. A rebound girl is not a good distraction. You need to concentrate on work or school, family, friends, hobbies. It truly is the only way you can move on. Because I'm warning you, don't expect a happy ending with your ex or current girlfriend. Having neither is the only option.

[Anita18]

Sounds like some of you guys are really over-thinking things.
Yup. I'm a chick and even I'm surprised at the amount of analysis here. :funny:

I'm going to be perfectly blunt and honest:

Dump this new girlfriend. You aren't being fair to her whatsoever. She is your rebound, and a way for you to try and feel better while you're still heartsore over your ex. And you have every right to still be too upset to date...you guys dated for 3 years and you have a girlfriend already? Not a good idea. I've been the rebound girl...it's pretty much the most awful thing, ever, and trust me- she will find out that you aren't over your girlfriend sooner or later.

With your ex- you NEED to talk to her right now. You aren't getting any closure, because you really seem to have no clue why things ended. On the one hand, it sounds like she wasn't mature enough to deal with the first big bump that came in the road in terms of her feelings of security. Three years is often the time that many couples break up, because at that point, you really have to be fully committed to each other and dealing with any problems. On the other hand, there very well could be deeper reasons on her end that she chose to break up with you.

Breaking up through a text message is a sign of complete cowardice, so maybe there really was something bigger going on that she didn't want to tell you about.
ITA with everything. I haven't been in many relationships, but honestly is always the best policy. Leave nothing hanging, just lay it out there so you know everything's cool.

[Anita18]

It's not that hard. Just use the old Konami Code.
Even that's too complicated. Just go slow and gentle at first. Or listen to the girl, you know. But I guess some girls aren't as forthcoming as others. :funny:

[Cunning Stunts]

I hate to dwell on my old issue, but does anybody have any advice as to how I should go about approaching the girl I'm interested in? Given my "circumstances"?

In other words, how I can get around my intimidation, etc.?

[Erzengel]

It's okay to be intimated, even scared, the trick is just to "ACT" confident.

[Crook]

...and be convincing at it.

[simplysuperhero]

Well, I'm going to succumb to posting here, thanks to a troubling matter which has left me without much sleep.

:|

Around a month ago, my other half dumped me via text message whilst I was working a night shift. Suffice to say, a three year relationship boiled down to a break up thanks to an uneasy week or two. She had decided that I wasn't 'intimate' enough, and that we just didn't have enough sex any more. She felt it was right, and left me in a horrible state that night - ending up on the phone to her, crying my eyes out. I got myself into a slightly uneasy state which scared her, but I tried to recover over this past month.

Problem is, recovery is a *****. I soon attached myself to another lady who I had known from the same class on me. We had both been working on the same degree and I felt like it was right, I always found her attractive anyway...but, I feel like I've rushed into things. She's awkward around me and almost everything we do reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

We were known as the best couple around the area, we never argued and she even took me for a weekend away in London to see one of my favourite bands play as a surprise for my birthday. It was amazing, and I could see that that was true love...two weeks later however, after a incredibly strong 3 years she dumps me via text. Apparently she was in a wreck too, and I later ended up regretting the 200 spent on a stripper and alcohol with some friends. It felt like some way of getting over her, but that didn't work out well.

So, over a month on...I still feel empty and lost. She helped me through the worst of times when I had nowhere to go, we visited so many places together and I was really a favourite in the family. I'm reminded of her with every piece of music I listen to, everything I watch and everything I smell. I'm a lost man, and this new girlfriend of mine - I'm really being unfair on. I have to get my head clear and inform her that I'm still recovering...but how do I?

She broke up with me in such a bad way, and I could never talk things through. I've got anger issues now, and I'm generally known as such a calm person. I sleep and dream about her almost every night, and I just can't continue without finding some peace.

Unfortunately for me, I'm moving into my new house in a fortnight and we're both under the same estate agents. I'll be picking up my keys the same time as her, and we'll be moving in on the same day (she lives round the corner). I can tell that I will end up bumping into her at some point...but for now, I don't know what to do.

People have said that I should contact her, but that's betraying my current girlfriend even worse than I am now. How do I know she wants to talk back to me? Why did she dump me so suddenly? I'm a shell of a man right now, and I need help.


So yeah, I finally decided to post here. Any comments are greatly appreciated, I need help.

Agree with some of the posts here: it's time to Man Up - be honest.

Be straight with the one you're with right now before she realizes it first. Two wrongs won't make things right.

As for your ex, how did the two of you handle conflict in the past? Did she shut down? Was she willing to talk things out? Did you sweep things under the rug?

I agree texting a breakup is lame. It's the kind of thing that makes you want to lose respect for that person. Is this the kind of thing she would do (after knowing her for 3 years)? Is this completely out of character for her?

[Eggyman]

Well, I'm going to succumb to posting here, thanks to a troubling matter which has left me without much sleep.

:|

Around a month ago, my other half dumped me via text message whilst I was working a night shift. Suffice to say, a three year relationship boiled down to a break up thanks to an uneasy week or two. She had decided that I wasn't 'intimate' enough, and that we just didn't have enough sex any more. She felt it was right, and left me in a horrible state that night - ending up on the phone to her, crying my eyes out. I got myself into a slightly uneasy state which scared her, but I tried to recover over this past month.

Problem is, recovery is a *****. I soon attached myself to another lady who I had known from the same class on me. We had both been working on the same degree and I felt like it was right, I always found her attractive anyway...but, I feel like I've rushed into things. She's awkward around me and almost everything we do reminds me of my ex-girlfriend.

We were known as the best couple around the area, we never argued and she even took me for a weekend away in London to see one of my favourite bands play as a surprise for my birthday. It was amazing, and I could see that that was true love...two weeks later however, after a incredibly strong 3 years she dumps me via text. Apparently she was in a wreck too, and I later ended up regretting the 200 spent on a stripper and alcohol with some friends. It felt like some way of getting over her, but that didn't work out well.

So, over a month on...I still feel empty and lost. She helped me through the worst of times when I had nowhere to go, we visited so many places together and I was really a favourite in the family. I'm reminded of her with every piece of music I listen to, everything I watch and everything I smell. I'm a lost man, and this new girlfriend of mine - I'm really being unfair on. I have to get my head clear and inform her that I'm still recovering...but how do I?

She broke up with me in such a bad way, and I could never talk things through. I've got anger issues now, and I'm generally known as such a calm person. I sleep and dream about her almost every night, and I just can't continue without finding some peace.

Unfortunately for me, I'm moving into my new house in a fortnight and we're both under the same estate agents. I'll be picking up my keys the same time as her, and we'll be moving in on the same day (she lives round the corner). I can tell that I will end up bumping into her at some point...but for now, I don't know what to do.

People have said that I should contact her, but that's betraying my current girlfriend even worse than I am now. How do I know she wants to talk back to me? Why did she dump me so suddenly? I'm a shell of a man right now, and I need help.


So yeah, I finally decided to post here. Any comments are greatly appreciated, I need help.

It's hard man, but it's life. Drug addicts often swap one drug for another in order to break the habit. That doesn't work. Cold turkey is the only way, rather than exchanging one addiction for another... because, even though the old fix has gone, you're still dependant.

[simplysuperhero]

I hate to dwell on my old issue, but does anybody have any advice as to how I should go about approaching the girl I'm interested in? Given my "circumstances"?

In other words, how I can get around my intimidation, etc.?

I've been in your situation: it sucks. Sucks even more looking back at the ones I've been in.:cmad:

I recommend dating someone else...first. This way it would feel like you have a lot less to lose if she turns you down. I know it sounds weird but it worked for me. No one got hurt and if I hadn't been in this situation, I would not have met my wife.

[AndThePickles]

I hate to dwell on my old issue, but does anybody have any advice as to how I should go about approaching the girl I'm interested in? Given my "circumstances"?

In other words, how I can get around my intimidation, etc.?

You're still overthinking this :csad: Stop worrying about specific ways to approach her and just do it!

[Daisy]

I'm going to be perfectly blunt and honest:

Dump this new girlfriend. You aren't being fair to her whatsoever. She is your rebound, and a way for you to try and feel better while you're still heartsore over your ex. And you have every right to still be too upset to date...you guys dated for 3 years and you have a girlfriend already? Not a good idea. I've been the rebound girl...it's pretty much the most awful thing, ever, and trust me- she will find out that you aren't over your girlfriend sooner or later.

With your ex- you NEED to talk to her right now. You aren't getting any closure, because you really seem to have no clue why things ended. On the one hand, it sounds like she wasn't mature enough to deal with the first big bump that came in the road in terms of her feelings of security. Three years is often the time that many couples break up, because at that point, you really have to be fully committed to each other and dealing with any problems. On the other hand, there very well could be deeper reasons on her end that she chose to break up with you.

Breaking up through a text message is a sign of complete cowardice, so maybe there really was something bigger going on that she didn't want to tell you about.

I agree with the first part of what Pickles said... that not being fair to the current girl. Although, I don't know that it needs to be so drastic as to dump her immediately. I would talk to her about it. Let her know that you feel awkward and still have unsettled feelings regarding your ex and you think you may have started up too soon. Tell her you think she's a good person and don't want to take advantage of her so you want to be upfront with her. If you still would like to see her, let her know that, but let her know that it's probably not going to be the smoothest of rides and that you understand if she doesn't want to continue. Essentially...put the ball in her court.

I also disagree with the idea that you 'need to talk to the ex'. Everyone always says that people need that to get closure and in my experience it's really not true.

The truth is, even if you talk to her, there's nothing she can say that's going to be satisfactory to you because you didn't want to break up in the first place. There's nothing she's going to say that's going to make you think: "You know what? You're right, we should be apart." No matter what she says you will think: "But we can (could've) work(ed) on it." It doesn't matter that it's been a three-year relationship. It doesn't matter that she broke up via text. It could have been a 3-month relationship and you could have had a 3-hour-long discussion and you still wouldn't feel any better about it. You'd still have questions:

Why can't we work it out?
Doesn't our history mean anything to you?
How could you love me before and not now? What's changed?
Did you really never love me?

It's the nature of a break-up when one person wants it and one doesn't.

She's never going to be able to give answers to give you closure. The only person who can give you closure is you. You have to learn to accept that you'll never really know "why" because you can never completely understand another person's point-of-view.

You have to learn to take solace that her decision to end it is not a refection on you, that it doesn't make you less of person. It just means that in her mind, you are not the right match for her... and conversely that means she is not the right match for you... because why would you want to be with someone who does not fully appreciate you? It's very hard to think about it in such a clinical/logical manner right now because of all the history and feelings that are wrapped up in it.

I'm sorry that you've been hurt. It sucks, and it's hard to get over. And it sucks more to hear cliches like "it takes time" and "healing has to come from within"... but unfortunately, they're true. It DOES take time. You can't turn off feelings like a switch... and you do have to heal yourself. It is our own thought patterns and behaviors which bring us to a place of acceptance and peace, and no one else can control those for us.

Good luck.

[Mdizzle]

I hate to dwell on my old issue, but does anybody have any advice as to how I should go about approaching the girl I'm interested in? Given my "circumstances"?

In other words, how I can get around my intimidation, etc.?

I think you should try out those innuendos and sex banter we so often bring up. Sexual harassment is the worst that can happen.

[amazingfantasy15]

I agree with the first part of what Pickles said... that not being fair to the current girl. Although, I don't know that it needs to be so drastic as to dump her immediately. I would talk to her about it. Let her know that you feel awkward and still have unsettled feelings regarding your ex and you think you may have started up too soon. Tell her you think she's a good person and don't want to take advantage of her so you want to be upfront with her. If you still would like to see her, let her know that, but let her know that it's probably not going to be the smoothest of rides and that you understand if she doesn't want to continue. Essentially...put the ball in her court.

Totally don't agree with this. He doesn't care about the girl he's dating now and staying with her is just going to end badly for the girl, she's gonna get hurt and not know why. It may be because I was the rebound guy for my ex-girlfriend that I'm saying this, but if he cares about this girl as a person, he should end it soon before she starts to develop real feelings for him. Putting the ball in her court won't change the way he feels.

I also disagree with the idea that you 'need to talk to the ex'. Everyone always says that people need that to get closure and in my experience it's really not true.

The truth is, even if you talk to her, there's nothing she can say that's going to be satisfactory to you because you didn't want to break up in the first place. There's nothing she's going to say that's going to make you think: "You know what? You're right, we should be apart." No matter what she says you will think: "But we can (could've) work(ed) on it." It doesn't matter that it's been a three-year relationship. It doesn't matter that she broke up via text. It could have been a 3-month relationship and you could have had a 3-hour-long discussion and you still wouldn't feel any better about it. You'd still have questions:

Why can't we work it out?
Doesn't our history mean anything to you?
How could you love me before and not now? What's changed?
Did you really never love me?

It's the nature of a break-up when one person wants it and one doesn't.

She's never going to be able to give answers to give you closure. The only person who can give you closure is you. You have to learn to accept that you'll never really know "why" because you can never completely understand another person's point-of-view.

You have to learn to take solace that her decision to end it is not a refection on you, that it doesn't make you less of person. It just means that in her mind, you are not the right match for her... and conversely that means she is not the right match for you... because why would you want to be with someone who does not fully appreciate you? It's very hard to think about it in such a clinical/logical manner right now because of all the history and feelings that are wrapped up in it.

I'm sorry that you've been hurt. It sucks, and it's hard to get over. And it sucks more to hear cliches like "it takes time" and "healing has to come from within"... but unfortunately, they're true. It DOES take time. You can't turn off feelings like a switch... and you do have to heal yourself. It is our own thought patterns and behaviors which bring us to a place of acceptance and peace, and no one else can control those for us.

Good luck.

I think at least talking about it one more time might help, again going off my experience, I called my girl to just go over the details of a date we had planned that weekend and she broke up with me. Totally came out of nowhere in my mind and listened to her just completely shocked, not knowing what to say. When I got over the shock I tried to contact her, but she didn't want to talk, I think things might've been a little easier if I had just some more info, it won't make things all better, but it would help the healing process begin.

[Anita18]

It's okay to be intimated, even scared, the trick is just to "ACT" confident.
Eh, what's the point of that? Some girls might think nervousness is adorable. The ones who'll judge you on it are losers, no matter how hot they are.

But I guess around here, hotness trumps everything else, doesn't it? :oldrazz:

Actually, what'll really turn me and my friends off is arrogance, and I know a good number of guys who come off really arrogant because they're trying to act confident to make up for low self-esteem. It's easy to overdo. Just be yourself.

I think at least talking about it one more time might help, again going off my experience, I called my girl to just go over the details of a date we had planned that weekend and she broke up with me. Totally came out of nowhere in my mind and listened to her just completely shocked, not knowing what to say. When I got over the shock I tried to contact her, but she didn't want to talk, I think things might've been a little easier if I had just some more info, it won't make things all better, but it would help the healing process begin.
I talked to my ex about our relationship and it helped with the closure, although that talk occurred 1.5 years after our breakup and I could view it in a fairly unbiased light. Having that conversation when you're still emotionally hurt might not help, really.

But Daisy is right in that there's nothing the ex could say to make the hurt really go away. She's made her decision, why would knowing the reason make it any better?

[Erzengel]

Eh, what's the point of that? Some girls might think nervousness is adorable. The ones who'll judge you on it are losers, no matter how hot they are.

But I guess around here, hotness trumps everything else, doesn't it? :oldrazz:
Bumbling your words, looking at the floor, wringing your hands is adorable? :o

I rather tell someone we are going out than asking them. You want to see "Insert Movie Here"? I'll take you to go see it.

[Anita18]

Bumbling your words, looking at the floor, writhing your hands is adorable? :o

I rather tell someone we are going out than asking them. You want to see "Insert Movie Here"? I'll take you to go see it.
Yeah. :yay:

"We are going out!" seems rather arrogant to me, sorry. :oldrazz: But you've probably dated more people than I have, so what do I know? Just an opinion from a random girl.

[Erzengel]

Well I do add some pelvic thrusts in there for good measure.

[Eggyman]

Careful, Erz. You'll take someone's eye out.

[Erzengel]

Don't worry. I'm a professional.

[Cunning Stunts]

It's okay to be intimated, even scared, the trick is just to "ACT" confident.

I can do that. :cwink:

You're still overthinking this :csad: Stop worrying about specific ways to approach her and just do it!

I'm just worried I'd fumble over myself... But you're probably right. :csad:

I think you should try out those innuendos and sex banter we so often bring up. Sexual harassment is the worst that can happen.

:lmao: Maybe she's the playful type. The sexually playful type. Hopefully no scat fetishes are involved. :word:

[BlackLantern]

you should all watch "Is She Really Going Out with Him?" its on MTV and created by the lovely people at HotChickswithDouchebags.com

[CrashNburn]

confidence is good...arrogance is not.

[Erzengel]

Which reminds me, totally use http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/8150/fingergunshf3.gif when you speak with her.

[Cunning Stunts]

confidence is good...arrogance is not.

We're both performers, so I think if I show any lack of confidence, I'd look like a real moron. I kind of am, considering I don't have any confidence when it comes to talking to women I'm interested in.

Which reminds me, totally use http://img39.imageshack.us/img39/8150/fingergunshf3.gif when you speak with her.

How about :boba:?

[Sugarculted]

Dump this new girlfriend. You aren't being fair to her whatsoever. She is your rebound, and a way for you to try and feel better while you're still heartsore over your ex. And you have every right to still be too upset to date...you guys dated for 3 years and you have a girlfriend already? Not a good idea. I've been the rebound girl...it's pretty much the most awful thing, ever, and trust me- she will find out that you aren't over your girlfriend sooner or later.

With your ex- you NEED to talk to her right now. You aren't getting any closure, because you really seem to have no clue why things ended. On the one hand, it sounds like she wasn't mature enough to deal with the first big bump that came in the road in terms of her feelings of security. Three years is often the time that many couples break up, because at that point, you really have to be fully committed to each other and dealing with any problems. On the other hand, there very well could be deeper reasons on her end that she chose to break up with you.

Breaking up through a text message is a sign of complete cowardice, so maybe there really was something bigger going on that she didn't want to tell you about.


Thanks for the advice ATP, really helps when I get advice from the female side of things.

I have been thinking it through, and it seems like you're right about dumping my current girlfriend. I just can't lead her along when I'm still struggling with the break up. Getting with someone else within 2 weeks of the 3 year relationship? Stupidest thing I may have done in a long while.

She's back in town tomorrow, getting the train down for the night out - I've got to say something whilst she's still around.

Yeah, I believe there is some other motive behind dumping me. I don't know whether or not she was cheating - but there were never any signs of it. I guess you can never tell though.

That is where family and friends fill in that void. It's all about finding a distraction. A rebound girl is not a good distraction. You need to concentrate on work or school, family, friends, hobbies. It truly is the only way you can move on. Because I'm warning you, don't expect a happy ending with your ex or current girlfriend. Having neither is the only option.


Thanks too DP, this seems like the right option right now. I have a few model kits that need building, a few drinks to be had and I need to sort out other matters of importance which will help get over her.



As for your ex, how did the two of you handle conflict in the past? Did she shut down? Was she willing to talk things out? Did you sweep things under the rug?

I agree texting a breakup is lame. It's the kind of thing that makes you want to lose respect for that person. Is this the kind of thing she would do (after knowing her for 3 years)? Is this completely out of character for her?


With conflict, we were always silent with each other. It rarely ever happened, but we'd sort things through out with a well needed chat. During the two dodgy weeks before the break up, she texted me informing me that she needed a talk. She asked me if she thought we were a good couple, and I honestly thought we were untouchable.

We managed to sort things out, so I thought...but the texting was due to her not being able to break up with me the last time we met. It did end up with a horrendous phone call late at night after work, begging for her to stay with me. My mental state wasn't at it's highest :|


It's hard man, but it's life. Drug addicts often swap one drug for another in order to break the habit. That doesn't work. Cold turkey is the only way, rather than exchanging one addiction for another... because, even though the old fix has gone, you're still dependant.


Drugs would be awesome right now Eggy :(
Yeah, as others have said. Cold Turkey is the way forward.


I agree with the first part of what Pickles said... that not being fair to the current girl. Although, I don't know that it needs to be so drastic as to dump her immediately. I would talk to her about it. Let her know that you feel awkward and still have unsettled feelings regarding your ex and you think you may have started up too soon. Tell her you think she's a good person and don't want to take advantage of her so you want to be upfront with her. If you still would like to see her, let her know that, but let her know that it's probably not going to be the smoothest of rides and that you understand if she doesn't want to continue. Essentially...put the ball in her court.

I also disagree with the idea that you 'need to talk to the ex'. Everyone always says that people need that to get closure and in my experience it's really not true.

The truth is, even if you talk to her, there's nothing she can say that's going to be satisfactory to you because you didn't want to break up in the first place. There's nothing she's going to say that's going to make you think: "You know what? You're right, we should be apart." No matter what she says you will think: "But we can (could've) work(ed) on it." It doesn't matter that it's been a three-year relationship. It doesn't matter that she broke up via text. It could have been a 3-month relationship and you could have had a 3-hour-long discussion and you still wouldn't feel any better about it. You'd still have questions:

It's the nature of a break-up when one person wants it and one doesn't.

You have to learn to take solace that her decision to end it is not a refection on you, that it doesn't make you less of person. It just means that in her mind, you are not the right match for her... and conversely that means she is not the right match for you... because why would you want to be with someone who does not fully appreciate you? It's very hard to think about it in such a clinical/logical manner right now because of all the history and feelings that are wrapped up in it.

I'm sorry that you've been hurt. It sucks, and it's hard to get over. And it sucks more to hear cliches like "it takes time" and "healing has to come from within"... but unfortunately, they're true. It DOES take time. You can't turn off feelings like a switch... and you do have to heal yourself. It is our own thought patterns and behaviors which bring us to a place of acceptance and peace, and no one else can control those for us.

Good luck.


I will be talking it through with my current girlfriend tomorrow, I'll tell her about my situation but in the end, I think she's going to be dumped. Feel like such an ass for this, she didn't deserve me messing around with her, what with me being her first boyfriend ever.

I still feel like I need the talk though, that closure might not be good for me...but it might help the healing in some way. I feel so lost for being thrown aside in such a manner. It confuses me every day since the break up, and I may need to get in touch with the family too. Her mother might just have my passport which I misplaced. Eh.

Thanks for the tips too, Daisy. I'll give the thought of whether or not the chat might be beneficial. I'm doubting it will be...but, you never know.

Thanks again everyone.

[Mdizzle]

Anybody watch Keys to the V.I.P.?? Please don't take tips from this show.

[Anita18]

With conflict, we were always silent with each other. It rarely ever happened, but we'd sort things through out with a well needed chat. During the two dodgy weeks before the break up, she texted me informing me that she needed a talk. She asked me if she thought we were a good couple, and I honestly thought we were untouchable.

I will be talking it through with my current girlfriend tomorrow, I'll tell her about my situation but in the end, I think she's going to be dumped. Feel like such an ass for this, she didn't deserve me messing around with her, what with me being her first boyfriend ever.
Hmm, being silent about conflicts and then asking during a "needed talk" if you thought you were a good couple was definitely a red flag.

I dunno, I guess other people have their own definitions of what being a "good couple" is. Apparently yours were different from hers, even if she didn't let you know.

Well, it does suck for the new girl since you are her first boyfriend ever, but you're right - she doesn't deserve to be strung along as a recovery gf. As long as you make it known that you feel really bad about it, it's really all you can do. Good luck!

[AndThePickles]

Ha, my rebound girlfriend situation occurred when the guy was my first "official" boyfriend, too. Poor girl. I know in my case, I wish I'd never gone out with the guy.

[The Squirrel]

So I can talk to girls that I know just fine through facebook, but I always choke up when I try to talk to them when I see them. I really need to improve this.

[Cunning Stunts]

I'm the same exact way. All of my "relationships" my first couple years in high school occurred due to talking over the internet (two of which were because they went to different schools).

[Erzengel]

I picture everyone in their underwear. :huh:

[Anubis]

I tend to do my internet flirting in the nude. Just putting that out there. :o

[PyroChamber]

I've always been curious; when it comes to relationships and finding that "special someone", is rejection more hurtful to a woman than it might be for a man?

I mean sure rejection is rough on anyone, but I would think that if some (if not most) guys get rejected by a girl they're attracted to they'd just say "**** it" and move on to another girl; but if a woman is attracted to a guy and he doesn't want her would it be the same or would it be more hurtful? Because I always thought that women don't get rejected as much as men do.

[enterthemadness]

I've always been curious; when it comes to relationships and finding that "special someone", is rejection more hurtful to a woman than it might be for a man?

I mean sure rejection is rough on anyone, but I would think that if some (if not most) guys get rejected by a girl they're attracted to they'd just say "**** it" and move on to another girl; but if a woman is attracted to a guy and he doesn't want her would it be the same or would it be more hurtful? Because I always thought that women don't get rejected as much as men do.

If a attractive girl asks me out, the ******* in me...might come out and I might say 'No, but we can ****'.

Seriously. If I ever went out with a girl and we aren't even kissing by the 3rd date,...time to let the boat sale...ain't got time to waste.

[AndThePickles]

Women get rejected plenty, that's such a stereotype. And I think it's impossible to say whether one gender gets more hurt than the other, as that is completely dependent on the individual.

[AndThePickles]

If a attractive girl asks me out, the ******* in me...might come out and I might say 'No, but we can ****'.

Seriously. If I ever went out with a girl and we aren't even kissing by the 3rd date,...time to let the boat sale...ain't got time to waste.

If you're REALLY serious, then I'm beginning to see why precisely you're a virgin.

[enterthemadness]

If you're REALLY serious, then I'm beginning to see why precisely you're a virgin.

...Umm...depends on my mood really. More like 30-80%. Big range, I know. In all honesty I rather watch Conan O Brien. Why? It's funny and I know what I am getting into. Heck, I rather play a game of 21 with friends and guys at the rec.

[terry78]

LOL, this girl at my office is a massive manga freak and reads these romance ones all the time. One of them had a scene where the main guy sees the girl he likes get shot down by a dude she has a crush on, and he says to himself, "I'm a guy, we're used to unrequited love...but rejecting a girl...you should never do that." Haha.

[Cunning Stunts]

...Umm...depends on my mood really. More like 30-80%. Big range, I know. In all honesty I rather watch Conan O Brien. Why? It's funny and I know what I am getting into. Heck, I rather play a game of 21 with friends and guys at the rec.

I agree with Pickles. You just might remain a virgin for a very long time.

[enterthemadness]

I agree with Pickles. You just might remain a virgin for a very long time.

Sometimes I am okay with that, sometimes I am not. I mean, I did at one point say to God 'I'll remain a virgin til married'....then I started getting second thoughts.

[AndThePickles]

...Umm...depends on my mood really. More like 30-80%. Big range, I know. In all honesty I rather watch Conan O Brien. Why? It's funny and I know what I am getting into. Heck, I rather play a game of 21 with friends and guys at the rec.

You need a real relationship even more than you need to get laid right now, I'd say. Heck, even a successful and awesome date. Although clearly, your sexual frustration is rather astounding.

[enterthemadness]

You need a real relationship even more than you need to get laid right now, I'd say. Heck, even a successful and awesome date. Although clearly, your sexual frustration is rather astounding.

Oh, I know. I'm just trying to channel it into weightlifting now though, rather than cry and be lazy. GRANTED...I am a night owl now. I don't know if it's because I don't have gf or because I am jobless and trying to get into Film School (or maybe because I used to be a night owl in highschool?)But I know one thing.
:yay: that right...I like watching me some Conan. And maybe some Jimmy Kimmel.

[Anita18]

I've always been curious; when it comes to relationships and finding that "special someone", is rejection more hurtful to a woman than it might be for a man?

I mean sure rejection is rough on anyone, but I would think that if some (if not most) guys get rejected by a girl they're attracted to they'd just say "**** it" and move on to another girl; but if a woman is attracted to a guy and he doesn't want her would it be the same or would it be more hurtful? Because I always thought that women don't get rejected as much as men do.
I dunno, it's a very, VERY rare guy that I'm attracted to romantically straight off the bat. Usually I just think they're eye candy and therefore too pretty for me and wouldn't find me attractive anyway. :csad:

I guess it would depend, though. For guys it's probably a blow to their confidence in terms of personality, but I imagine for most girls, if they're rejected by a guy they might fixate on their "physical shortcomings" instead. At least that's what usually stops me from talking to really cute guys in the first place. :funny:

Seriously. If I ever went out with a girl and we aren't even kissing by the 3rd date,...time to let the boat sale...ain't got time to waste.
If you're REALLY serious, then I'm beginning to see why precisely you're a virgin.
:lmao: My current bf, the poor guy, dutifully asked me out once a month for like, half a year before we finally got serious.

He probably isn't complaining now though. :grin:

[Daisy]

Totally don't agree with this. He doesn't care about the girl he's dating now and staying with her is just going to end badly for the girl, she's gonna get hurt and not know why. It may be because I was the rebound guy for my ex-girlfriend that I'm saying this, but if he cares about this girl as a person, he should end it soon before she starts to develop real feelings for him. Putting the ball in her court won't change the way he feels.

Actually, he does care about her. He says he finds her attractive and that she's a nice girl - that's caring for someone. It's just that he's also still hung up on his ex, so things are all confused. Letting her know what's going on and actually talking to someone about it in person is something that could even help his healing. And his feelings WILL change in time, and so long as she knows the score if she wants to take the risk that they'll become stronger in her favor, that's her risk to take... but she needs to know the nature of it all in order for her to be able to make that decision.

I think at least talking about it one more time might help, again going off my experience, I called my girl to just go over the details of a date we had planned that weekend and she broke up with me. Totally came out of nowhere in my mind and listened to her just completely shocked, not knowing what to say. When I got over the shock I tried to contact her, but she didn't want to talk, I think things might've been a little easier if I had just some more info, it won't make things all better, but it would help the healing process begin.

Yes,... we always think that. I've thought it too, but it generally doesn't. It's an excuse. It's something that we tell ourselves because we want to continue to hang on to the relationship. We've established a pattern in our minds where this person has relationship with making us feel better, so we're drawn to wanting to turn back to them again... but then there's a disconnect when we talk to them because it's what they say that makes us feel bad. So it ends up not helping.

Additionally, there's a little bit of a revenge aspect of it. They hurt us, and we know that it makes it harder for them to repeat it and answer 'difficult' questions from us (like "why" - because why a relationship ends is rarely a simply answer). So there's this little punishment aspect AND there's also a little bit of hope that if we challenge them enough/make it hard enough for them they'll see the light/give up and it won't be over.

It's one thing to talk about it much later when both people have come to some sort of peace with it, but when emotions are still running high... it's really not a help. It's much better to talk to talk things out with someone else - whether a good friend or even a professional counselor if you feel you need it - who will help you move forward.

[Erzengel]

Sometimes I am okay with that, sometimes I am not. I mean, I did at one point say to God 'I'll remain a virgin til married'....then I started getting second thoughts.

You need a real relationship even more than you need to get laid right now, I'd say. Heck, even a successful and awesome date. Although clearly, your sexual frustration is rather astounding.
You're pretty much like most guys who long for a relationship but have gone almost resentful for it not happening yet. You'd be suprised, how quickly you do a 180 on some of your beliefs after you've met someone special.

[amazingfantasy15]

I've always been curious; when it comes to relationships and finding that "special someone", is rejection more hurtful to a woman than it might be for a man?

I mean sure rejection is rough on anyone, but I would think that if some (if not most) guys get rejected by a girl they're attracted to they'd just say "**** it" and move on to another girl; but if a woman is attracted to a guy and he doesn't want her would it be the same or would it be more hurtful? Because I always thought that women don't get rejected as much as men do.

I think a break up is harder for a guy to take, mainly because he doesn't have the same network of friends to talk to. It's mainly just friends get him drunk, maybe try to get him laid, which usually doesn't help too much. As for just getting rejected for a date, it's only rough if you've put the girl on a pedastal.

Oh, I know. I'm just trying to channel it into weightlifting now though, rather than cry and be lazy. GRANTED...I am a night owl now. I don't know if it's because I don't have gf or because I am jobless and trying to get into Film School (or maybe because I used to be a night owl in highschool?)But I know one thing.
:yay: that right...I like watching me some Conan. And maybe some Jimmy Kimmel.

See you are being lazy though, making up excuses for not trying to find dates, oh I want to work out, oh I'm trying to get in Film School, oh Conan's on. Working out probably takes up what an hour a day max? Get a DVR and tape Conan. What's involved with trying to go to Film School? Fill out an application, maybe make a video, should've done that already. As for the night owl thing, when do you think most dates take place? Jobless? In this economy that's not all that uncommon. Everything here is just excuses. I've got a full time job, I'm training for a marathon, try to keep in good touch with family and friends, but still somehow find time to date.

[Anita18]

I've got a full time job, I'm training for a marathon, try to keep in good touch with family and friends, but still somehow find time to date.
Granted, dating CAN be exhausting for some people. I once posted a personals ad on Craigslist and I literally hyperventilated the entire week, trying to keep track of replies (I got over a thousand, and I only wish I was kidding) and keeping track of who I was talking to. I think I did get some guys mixed up though. :funny:

Of course most people's dating lives aren't close to being like that on a regular basis, so it was sorta trial by fire, especially for an extreme introvert like me. I can't handle dating multiple people at a time, or even just regular casual dating. It's just a lot to think about. The once-a-month thing was fine by me. :funny: And my guy now lives about 1.5 hours away so we only see each other on the weekends, which works out well since I usually do nothing on the weekends anyway. :oldrazz:

[amazingfantasy15]

Granted, dating CAN be exhausting for some people. I once posted a personals ad on Craigslist and I literally hyperventilated the entire week, trying to keep track of replies (I got over a thousand, and I only wish I was kidding) and keeping track of who I was talking to. I think I did get some guys mixed up though. :funny:

Of course most people's dating lives aren't close to being like that on a regular basis, so it was sorta trial by fire, especially for an extreme introvert like me. I can't handle dating multiple people at a time, or even just regular casual dating. It's just a lot to think about. The once-a-month thing was fine by me. :funny: And my guy now lives about 1.5 hours away so we only see each other on the weekends, which works out well since I usually do nothing on the weekends anyway. :oldrazz:

Well posting an ad on Craig's List would give you a whole bunch of replies, most of them were probably just for one night stand scenarios as well. That site isn't exactly the best for finding someone "special".

Enterthemadness seems to just be making a bunch of excuses to explain why he can't find someone. I wouldn't even say anything if he didn't post here, but posting here tells me he does want to find someone, but just doesn't want to put in the effort to do it. Everyone says you always find someone when you're not looking, but I don't think that's entirely true you've got to put yourself out there in some way. The person you meet might not have come from the avenue you thought he or she would come from, but putting yourself out there, in situations where you could meet someone helped.

[Erzengel]

So in short, sitting on your hands waiting for someone to fall on your lap doesn't yield the best results.

[Anita18]

Well posting an ad on Craig's List would give you a whole bunch of replies, most of them were probably just for one night stand scenarios as well. That site isn't exactly the best for finding someone "special".

Enterthemadness seems to just be making a bunch of excuses to explain why he can't find someone. I wouldn't even say anything if he didn't post here, but posting here tells me he does want to find someone, but just doesn't want to put in the effort to do it. Everyone says you always find someone when you're not looking, but I don't think that's entirely true you've got to put yourself out there in some way. The person you meet might not have come from the avenue you thought he or she would come from, but putting yourself out there, in situations where you could meet someone helped.
Yeah, but it takes only 2 seconds to realize a one-night-stand message when you've come across one. :funny: There were lots of replies that seemed normal and some were very engaging, and I can't juggle more like 2 people at a time anyway. It was rather crazy. But by the end of that insanity, I only went on 5 dates and none of them resulted in anything. :funny: (As I said, I don't ever have immediate chemistry with someone and I guess those guys wanted something serious right away.) Twas an interesting experiment though.

I dunno, it's hard for me too. Most of the people I know met their significant others at school, or from their already-existing pool of friends. My ex met his current gf at a regional Young Democrats meeting he (and she) randomly went to though, so you never know. :funny: I actually kinda wonder how he initially asked her out, since he's not the kind of guy who just comes up to a girl and asks for a phone number.

[enterthemadness]

I think a break up is harder for a guy to take, mainly because he doesn't have the same network of friends to talk to. It's mainly just friends get him drunk, maybe try to get him laid, which usually doesn't help too much. As for just getting rejected for a date, it's only rough if you've put the girl on a pedastal.



See you are being lazy though, making up excuses for not trying to find dates, oh I want to work out, oh I'm trying to get in Film School, oh Conan's on. Working out probably takes up what an hour a day max? Get a DVR and tape Conan. What's involved with trying to go to Film School? Fill out an application, maybe make a video, should've done that already. As for the night owl thing, when do you think most dates take place? Jobless? In this economy that's not all that uncommon. Everything here is just excuses. I've got a full time job, I'm training for a marathon, try to keep in good touch with family and friends, but still somehow find time to date.

1. It actually take round 90 minutes to two hours to work out.

2. You don't make vids for Film School. My FAFSA has been accepted and now I only have two real options. Fill out a stafford loan and Sallie Mae loan online. Parent Plus Loan won't help me out here. And I don't think Sallie Mae will help me much here either. Then I need to find roommates. I need $41,720.00 for the one year...plus other school expenses like laptop, but laptop I might get for free being in the Film Program. Then I need money to live on. And L.A. is very expensive...very. At the very most...Months 1-8 is $65,931.00. Months 9-12 is $16,168.00. But I think if I get roommates, I won't need to get that much to live on, hopefully. I be a full time student...and I read/heard it's very very busy. Like two years crammed into one year.

3. I don't wanna date at this time. I rather get hit by a car right now...and suffer a broken leg.

[Anubis]

So in short, sitting on your hands waiting for someone to fall on your lap doesn't yield the best results.


That depends entirely upon where you're sitting. :o

[AndThePickles]

1. It actually take round 90 minutes to two hours to work out.

2. You don't make vids for Film School. My FAFSA has been accepted and now I only have two real options. Fill out a stafford loan and Sallie Mae loan online. Parent Plus Loan won't help me out here. And I don't think Sallie Mae will help me much here either. Then I need to find roommates. I need $41,720.00 for the one year...plus other school expenses like laptop, but laptop I might get for free being in the Film Program. Then I need money to live on. And L.A. is very expensive...very. At the very most...Months 1-8 is $65,931.00. Months 9-12 is $16,168.00. But I think if I get roommates, I won't need to get that much to live on, hopefully. I be a full time student...and I read/heard it's very very busy. Like two years crammed into one year.

3. I don't wanna date at this time. I rather get hit by a car right now...and suffer a broken leg.

You know that after 90 minutes, you usually start to burn muscle, right?

At one point in college, I was taking 19 credits, working two jobs, and still maintaining my relationship. You can date and do things that don't cost much money, or don't involve any at all.

Also, I may be wrong, and I hate to say it, but it sounds like you really DO want to date, but you're bitter and don't want to keep trying. In terms of the time factor, if you've got this much time to post on the Hype, you could have time to date. If an awesome girl in real life expressed interest in you, I can't see you turning her down and saying you'd rather get hit by a car.

[Anubis]

Of course, if all you really wanna do is pop that cherry, you could always pay for it. Dispite what people say, it actually does count. :o

[enterthemadness]

You know that after 90 minutes, you usually start to burn muscle, right?

At one point in college, I was taking 19 credits, working two jobs, and still maintaining my relationship. You can date and do things that don't cost much money, or don't involve any at all.

Also, I may be wrong, and I hate to say it, but it sounds like you really DO want to date, but you're bitter and don't want to keep trying. In terms of the time factor, if you've got this much time to post on the Hype, you could have time to date. If an awesome girl in real life expressed interest in you, I can't see you turning her down and saying you'd rather get hit by a car.

I think I heard that...and I know, I should move faster. But playing basketball or just shooting hoops, wow, time goes bye. Oh, now that I split my workouts up (only hitting basically 2 body parts a day) I do round 90 ish min.

What were you superwoman? (who is inferior to Superman, cause he is more popular, granted Smallville is starting to suck...u think by now he would be Supes...)

[AndThePickles]

What were you superwoman? (who is inferior to Superman, cause he is more popular, granted Smallville is starting to suck...u think by now he would be Supes...)

It wasn't always easy, but if you make it a priority, you can do it. Just have to manage your time.

[enterthemadness]

Of course, if all you really wanna do is pop that cherry, you could always pay for it. Dispite what people say, it actually does count. :o

What you start say as a icebreaker to a woman. :o...but is she says yes, then gets a cherry and pops it, you can go 'Wow,...okay, but not what I was talking about.' I cam up with that golden joke just now (tm).

Meant DON'T, not start, man...how embrassing.

[Erzengel]

I worked full time and had like 15 to 16 credit per semesters and I made time to date. :huh:

[AndThePickles]

I worked full time and had like 15 to 16 credit per semesters and I made time to date. :huh:

Good, I'm glad that you're here as another example. I fully believe that ANYONE can make the time.

[enterthemadness]

I have 71.5 Credit Hour for my One Year of Film School? Is that...a **** load? Cause liek I said, I know it's very very busy there. But is that really 2 years crammed into one?

[Anubis]

I don't have a job, I sleep till one, so I got nothing but time for snuggles.......just putting that out there. :o

[Cunning Stunts]

I need snuggles. :heart:

[Anubis]

Try fat chicks.

[Cunning Stunts]

I like 'em slimmer. :(

[Anubis]

Then no snuggles for you. :o

[Cunning Stunts]

I think I just died a little on the inside. :(

[enterthemadness]

Try fat chicks.

Depends how fat or big we are talking about. It can go both ways for me. Plus size women are nice btw. (+1 for me)

[Anita18]

I like 'em slimmer. :(
It can't be very comfortable to snuggle me, I'm so bony. :o My guy is bony too, so it's just a mess of limbs we never know what to do with. :funny:

[Mdizzle]

I prefer more meat on those bones...but if it's what someone looks like naturally, it's ok--i'm not into those anorexic *****es who starve themselves to look good.

On that other note, who wouldn't make the time to date? We're not talking serious commitment here, but spending a little after hours with something sweet, I can't believe people wouldn't be willing to juggle an hour or two to accommodate that.

[amazingfantasy15]

1. It actually take round 90 minutes to two hours to work out.

You working out too much and are making yourself very prone to injury.

2. You don't make vids for Film School. My FAFSA has been accepted and now I only have two real options. Fill out a stafford loan and Sallie Mae loan online. Parent Plus Loan won't help me out here. And I don't think Sallie Mae will help me much here either. Then I need to find roommates. I need $41,720.00 for the one year...plus other school expenses like laptop, but laptop I might get for free being in the Film Program. Then I need money to live on. And L.A. is very expensive...very. At the very most...Months 1-8 is $65,931.00. Months 9-12 is $16,168.00. But I think if I get roommates, I won't need to get that much to live on, hopefully. I be a full time student...and I read/heard it's very very busy. Like two years crammed into one year.

So you need to fill out some student loan forms, okay, that should take what a few hours or so at most? Finding roommates, plenty of options for that and probably shouldn't take very long either. As for the money thing, well you're not working, doesn't sound much like you're looking for a job either, so good luck with that. Maybe when the date fairy comes around to visit, she'll bring the money fairy with.

3. I don't wanna date at this time. I rather get hit by a car right now...and suffer a broken leg.

Well, why do you keep posting other excuses in this thread then? This should have been the only statement.

[Erzengel]

ETM sounds like the typical person who's never really dated, and yet is "jaded" about the whole relationship experience.

[Eggyman]

Yeh, it's easier to handle if you trick yourself into thinking that something you don't have is actually something you don't want.

[Erzengel]

Those grapes were sour anyways.

[Eggyman]

I don't like grapes. I don't have any :(

[Anubis]

How about raisins?

[terry78]

It can't be very comfortable to snuggle me, I'm so bony. :o My guy is bony too, so it's just a mess of limbs we never know what to do with. :funny:

Thanks so much for that visual.

[Eggyman]

How about raisins?

I have a couple after sex.

[simplysuperhero]

:facepalm

[Cunning Stunts]

It can't be very comfortable to snuggle me, I'm so bony. :o My guy is bony too, so it's just a mess of limbs we never know what to do with. :funny:

Well, if you have a vagina, I'll settle. :up:

:p

[enterthemadness]

Well, if you have a vagina, I'll settle. :up:

:p

Wow...


:facepalm

[Anubis]

Alright, enough with the Picard face palm already.

[enterthemadness]

Alright, enough with the Picard face palm already.

Can I use others? Or in the very least post a screen cap of me doing a awesome face palm?

[Anubis]

Either one of those are accepted. But one type of face palm per page. So says Anubis. :o

[enterthemadness]

Either one of those are accepted. But one type of face palm per page. s So cays An bis. :o

Fixed. :o

[enterthemadness]

I had some nightmares this morning (went to sleep after 2 am). The last one I remember the most. I kept getting pissed off in the final nightmare cause I didn't have a gf. I was getting annoyed and very angry at all the little things going on in the dream. I was about ready to erupt like a volcano, catagory 5 Hurricane, etc, when I woke up. But here's the thing...I was so pissed off in the dream, I WOKE UP THAT PISSED OFF. Scary when I think back on it. And this anger stayed with me for a bit, too. I ain't no doctor, or dream doctor, or anything, but I'm gonna go with my dream was telling me something....

[Erzengel]

Maybe you should reconsider your excuses of why you can't date because it's pretty obvious that you want to and are too scared or too lazy to make an attempt to.

You go to school, I'm sure there are ladies your age there. Do you work? I'm sure there are women there. Friends? I'm sure they know someone who knows someone.

[Anubis]

I had a dream I was in a Saturday Night Live sketch with Alec Baldwin and Johnny Depp.

I don't quite remember how it went, but I know the punch line was: "Well f**k you then ya ugly b***h!"

[Gilpesh]

That sounds like the canteen boy sketch... only this time at the end... the scout leader comes out and just asks canteen boy to have sex, and canteen boy turns him down and then:

"Well f**k you then ya ugly b***h!"

[enterthemadness]

My Sexual Frustration is growing. I quit...let's say playing with my Wii, for a few reasons. Mostly though even playing with my Wii doesn't make me feel good for long no more. Doesn't make me feel better when I know there's a chance I will die before ever getting laid or even making out.

The only thing that helps me is smoking and working out (usually). And for working out I can take out my frustrations with the weights (esp on Squats, Incline Press, and Up right rows)

It feels liek my frustation is reaching this level :bh:

[Erzengel]

Go out and meet girls? Put yourself out there? Talk to a girl in your class? Talk to a girl at work? Last time I checked there was at least a couple who live near you. :huh:

[Eggyman]

Wow, someone's gonna pOp! Careful where you aim that, man.

[AndThePickles]

ETM isn't allowed to post in this thread again until he's made an attempt to ask a girl out.

[Erzengel]

Do we want to to extend that to exclude girls online unless they are part of some sort of E-harmony or Match site? :huh:

[amazingfantasy15]

My Sexual Frustration is growing. I quit...let's say playing with my Wii, for a few reasons. Mostly though even playing with my Wii doesn't make me feel good for long no more. Doesn't make me feel better when I know there's a chance I will die before ever getting laid or even making out.

The only thing that helps me is smoking and working out (usually). And for working out I can take out my frustrations with the weights (esp on Squats, Incline Press, and Up right rows)

It feels liek my frustation is reaching this level :bh:

So within a week you've gone from not wanting a girl to being horribly sexually frustrated, ok, at least you've admitted that to yourself. Next step is to actually try and meet someone, which you don't seem to be doing.

[uchiha_itachi]

Well im sure you guys remember my previous posts in here from what happened to me last time..

im very confused with what has just happened. so me and the girls(girl 01) (my friend who i like) friend (friend 1) ( who im also good friends with ) have this thing where we are going to watch all the star wars films back to back. so today i had a funni idea for a drinking game. everytime they say "the force" you have to take a big gulp of your drink. harmless fun? so i post it on Friend 1's facebook.

then girl 01 posted somthing like " thats stupid" and then we had a mini argument. she was saying stuff like "drunk people are way annoying especiLLY WHILST TRYING TO WATCH A FILM"

so i replied saying i didnt know she wanted to do this also? and she then just said " i didnt say anything about me being there?" so more and more im thinking...ok she thinks im trying to get her best friend drunk so i can try somthing so i just say the girl is like my sister and i wouldn't try anything ( which is true )

Now the girl 01 and friend 1 are best friends. and friend 1 helped me out alot with the situation, if you guys remember she was gonna have a talk with her about what happend between me and her before i snapped and just talked to girl 01 about it. who was adamant about us being friends cos im like her family ( her words pretty much ). things went odd with me and girl 1 for a while..so i just stepped back.

i even saw girl 1 the other day when she came to my work and we where actually like we where b4 any of this happend.

i dont get why she is being so defensive about this harmless drinking game thing? i hounestly dont want to try somthing with friend 1, as i said b4 she's like my sister. although some of her friends have asked if me and friend 1 where going out and a mutual friend mentioned somthing along the lines of " you chattin to your girl?" when i was talkin to friend 1.

its so stupid. girls confuse me.

i dont have a friend online i can talk to right now so i needed to vent. madness.

soz if tht didnt make sense btw, a lil drunk.. lol

[Erzengel]

Hold old are all of you?

[uchiha_itachi]

might make me sound sad LOL

around 20

[terry78]

*mwah* Good night, everybody.

[Anubis]

You make things more confusing than they have to be. My advise? Stop doing that.

[Erzengel]

might make me sound sad LOL

around 20

You sound like a typical 20 year old but it really seems so high school. Part of me is curious and you might want to use names or aliases because to many girl 1 and girl 2 sounds like a Dr. Seuss book that if your feelings have actually subsided because you while they are your friends, the fact you are getting worked up about this makes me think you still do.

[AndThePickles]

Even high school is pushing it...sounds like middle school drama.

[Anubis]

Give her a note. "Do you like me?" Check Yes or No. :o

[Gilpesh]

Give her a note. "Do you like me?" Check Yes or No. :o
But then she could draw another box that says, "No chance in hell".

[Anubis]

That's the same as no, with a bit more kick in the testicles. He should really be bummed if she said I don't like you, but I do like Girl 2. :o

[The Squirrel]

Which one is girl 2 again?

[Gilpesh]

Which one is girl 2 again?
She holds the cup.

[Anubis]

Lawl.