The Dark Knight Returns - Fan Fic Opening Scene

[cyclone]

I don't know if this should go in this thread.....apologies if not!

I thought I'd try and write a kind of 'opening scene' (ala the 'Joker Heist') to the as yet untitled 3rd Batman film under Chris Nolan. I've decided to go with 'The Dark Knight Returns'.

Now, I'm not a writer, by any stretch. There's prolly glaring mistakes, or horrible ideas in here. So all ideas are welcomed.

I've started writing notes for a script for the whole film, and if I get some good feedback and have the time I'll start to piece together an entire script.

Anyway!

Here's my opening scene for 'The Dark Knight Returns'.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/si-mon-ella/TDKR%20Script/1.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/si-mon-ella/TDKR%20Script/2.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/si-mon-ella/TDKR%20Script/3.jpg

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/si-mon-ella/TDKR%20Script/4.jpg

If there's any spelling mistakes, or mis-spelling of words, names, or places - I apologise!

[ALittlePush]

I read your opening scene and I am interested in where it is going.

The only two bits that feel slightly off are where Batman says that he doesn't want to be thought of as a thief as well as a murderer. It just seems something trivial. If he is already thought of as a murderer, why would he consider being thought of as a thief as any worse.

Also, I don't think Batman would put Gordon at any more risk than necessary. If Batman could get the information himself by breaking into the police files, I doubt that he would let the idea of being thought of as a thief stop him. Why would he run the risk of exposing his only source of insider info in the GCPD when he could easily get the information he needs by himself?

Other than those two minor details,keep up the good work.

[sanjuanslasher]

Odd script style you have there, but nice start all in all. Keep it up.

[Al-Pennyworth]

I think it's a good start. I agree with the other comment about Batman worrying about being a thief trivial. But other then that the scene was engaging and got my attention.