PDA

View Full Version : My Batman 3 script


rfU
03-26-2011, 03:11 PM
Dark Knight Triumphant: http://www.mediafire.com/?yqi3y8w8dqqa7dx

The Dark Knight makes his long awaited returns to eliminate crime in Gotham once and for all. But this time the Caped Crusader finds himself up against the Gotham Police Major Crimes Unit and an uncompromising media smear campaign. At the same time, a new villain has been thrust upon Batman's notice: the Riddler, a more schematic, more cunning and devious adversary.

Meanwhile, Talia Al’Ghul, the beautiful and mysterious daughter of Ra's Al Ghul is Gotham bound and bent on revenge. She has by her side the one man up to task, the one man who can match Batman both physically and mentally, the only man who can strike fear in Batman... Bane! But that's not all, Gotham's crimes families are consolidating their power in face of a very pressing threat, the Joker Clones led by the shadowy Joker Queen a.k.a. Harley Quinn. Other villains make an appearance to thwart Batman including Killer Croc and FireFly. Doctor Jonathan Crane makes an appearance to torment Batman with his psychoanalysis and unnerving presence.

Batman's alter-ego, Bruce Wayne is not spared. Unable to cope with the pressures and demands on Batman, Wayne descends into melancholy and suffers from disillusionment and doubt over his choice to don the cowl. The sexy Ms Selina Kyle proves a worthy distraction that alleviates Wayne's despondency. That is until her past returns to haunt her and force a heartrending choice between love and sacrifice.

Batman has it all do in this third installment. Will our Dark Knight emerge triumphant and bring Gotham from the brink? -- Jack Napier

The Cocreator
03-26-2011, 03:22 PM
I can't download anything in this computer right now, can you post it here?

rfU
03-27-2011, 03:02 AM
I can't download anything in this computer right now, can you post it here?

No way, its like 140 pages :yay: Maybe I could do first 10 pages

The Cocreator
03-27-2011, 02:48 PM
Did write it in paper or in the computer?
By the way from the sinopsis it looks interesting but it seems that maybe you used too many villains.

rfU
03-28-2011, 05:01 AM
Did write it in paper or in the computer?

Wrote it on my PC. Can you still not download?

By the way from the sinopsis it looks interesting but it seems that maybe you used too many villains.you would think that but i balance it out quite nicely. Read and find out how :yay:

Ponyboy
03-28-2011, 03:06 PM
Your formatting needs a bit of work. May I suggest getting Final Draft if you want to have professional looking scripts?

PM me if you want and I can offer some help.

Ponyboy
03-28-2011, 03:55 PM
Now I've gotten to the "Top secret" section... Make sure you get this stuff registered with WGAW and then you don't have to worry about it.

rfU
03-29-2011, 03:23 AM
Your formatting needs a bit of work. May I suggest getting Final Draft if you want to have professional looking scripts?
In what sense? You mean the font I used? Or the overall structure? I used Word 2007. I had script writing software but it never used to come out well.

Ponyboy
03-29-2011, 04:46 AM
In what sense? You mean the font I used? Or the overall structure? I used Word 2007. I had script writing software but it never used to come out well.


Mostly formatting and words missing. I won't mention what I think about parts of it that would be better served if they were written differently.


-On your EXT & INT you always should use "Day" or "Night" "Later" or "Continuous"... you never use "Moments Later" or any other terminology to set the time.

-On many of your transitions you use "And we fade to black." Just put "Fade to black." The last thing you ever want to do is tell a director how to do his job within the script.

-On page 2 for example you put the location at Pena Duro Prison, then you go on to describe the location saying "We're in a decrepit old style prison"... you're being redundant.

-On page 5 you cut from Selina and Bruce making to to the "Ext. Wayne Manor." You should be using your "CUT TO:" header on the right to show a brand new change of scenery.

-Page 8 is a mess... Use "CUT TO" for each of those Monitor switches. Never italicize either.

-i noticed on pg. 91 you should have a "... hallucinating like a sunburned hippie."

I like that you borrowed the Dr. Ruth elements in regards to the "sexual repression" and the death of the Joker; both from Miller's Dark Knight. Well done. Also, seriously, get your stuff registered with WGAW (you can do it online). It protects your work, which is something you really want to do considering you're posting this stuff online.

rfU
03-29-2011, 07:15 AM
Mostly formatting and words missing. I won't mention what I think about parts of it that would be better served if they were written differently.


-On your EXT & INT you always should use "Day" or "Night" "Later" or "Continuous"... you never use "Moments Later" or any other terminology to set the time.

-On many of your transitions you use "And we fade to black." Just put "Fade to black." The last thing you ever want to do is tell a director how to do his job within the script.

-On page 2 for example you put the location at Pena Duro Prison, then you go on to describe the location saying "We're in a decrepit old style prison"... you're being redundant.

-On page 5 you cut from Selina and Bruce making to to the "Ext. Wayne Manor." You should be using your "CUT TO:" header on the right to show a brand new change of scenery.

-Page 8 is a mess... Use "CUT TO" for each of those Monitor switches. Never italicize either.

-i noticed on pg. 91 you should have a "... hallucinating like a sunburned hippie."

I like that you borrowed the Dr. Ruth elements in regards to the "sexual repression" and the death of the Joker; both from Miller's Dark Knight. Well done.

Oh, nothing too urgent then :woot: I've never recieved any kind of formal training on this stuff, I just pick it up from scripts I've read over the years. I can never figure out wen to use "CUT TO" and I would actually prefer to not to use at all in my scripts since it takes up sense. Are you script writer? I like that you noticed that I borrowed some scenes, but why not? In the end I came up with an original story.

Also, seriously, get your stuff registered with WGAW (you can do it online). It protects your work, which is something you really want to do considering you're posting this stuff online.that's why there's missing pages in there, but in anycase, what motive would there be to steal my work? It's not like anyone can make any money off a Batman script.

So you read it, how about some feedback :yay:

rfU
03-29-2011, 07:40 AM
Mostly formatting and words missing. I won't mention what I think about parts of it that would be better served if they were written differently.


-On your EXT & INT you always should use "Day" or "Night" "Later" or "Continuous"... you never use "Moments Later" or any other terminology to set the time.

-On many of your transitions you use "And we fade to black." Just put "Fade to black." The last thing you ever want to do is tell a director how to do his job within the script.

-On page 2 for example you put the location at Pena Duro Prison, then you go on to describe the location saying "We're in a decrepit old style prison"... you're being redundant.

-On page 5 you cut from Selina and Bruce making to to the "Ext. Wayne Manor." You should be using your "CUT TO:" header on the right to show a brand new change of scenery.

-Page 8 is a mess... Use "CUT TO" for each of those Monitor switches. Never italicize either.

-i noticed on pg. 91 you should have a "... hallucinating like a sunburned hippie."yeah, you know i've never recieved any kind of formal training on this stuff. I just read other scripts and get ideas from there. Are you are screenplay writer?

I like that you borrowed the Dr. Ruth elements in regards to the "sexual repression" and the death of the Joker; both from Miller's Dark Knight. Well done.I borrowed a lot more than that. But glad you noticed :yay:

Also, seriously, get your stuff registered with WGAW (you can do it online). It protects your work, which is something you really want to do considering you're posting this stuff online.why bother, you can't make money of batman script. anyway, thats why i have the missing pages.

So you read the script, what did you think?

Ponyboy
03-29-2011, 03:33 PM
I can tell you don't have formal training. ;) It does look pretty good in many respects, but a lot of editing mistakes that makes it stick out. Someone very well known in the biz gave some very good advice about 10 years ago and said "Write the script for yourself because odds are, you'll never sell it anyway... so do it for you, and enjoy the process." I think it's important to remember that. I have written 5 screenplays... one is a trilogy which I'm considering actually writing as a series of books.

It's necessary to send it to WGAW because you should get in the habit of protecting your work. Sure, you've got some borrowed elements in there, but you did write the majority of it. You'd have no recourse whatsoever if someone were to take this and pass it off as their own.

On the other side of the coin, it is for all intents and purposes, illegal to take a copyrighted character (Batman) and write a script that revolves around them without the permission of the company that owns the rights to making movies with that character. In this case, Warner Brothers. This is straight from the mouth of Michael Uslan. For example if you were to make money off this in any way, WB could come after you. Not that that they have time to fry the small fish; but in theory that's what could happen. It becomes a complicated bag of diaper poo when you get into the realm of script writing and storytelling with characters that don't belong to you.

I hope I've helped you in some way, as I had very little (nearly none) when I first started writing.

rfU
03-31-2011, 09:02 AM
I can tell you don't have formal training. ;) I ha thanks. actually this is my seventh script. i got 2 read by director/producers, i'm pretty keen on one getting through, maybe via one of those screenplay competitions... but i'm not holding my breath. Maybe you'll want to read them sometime.

Anyway, wat were your thoughts on the my Batman script?

Ponyboy
03-31-2011, 05:52 PM
I was just messing with ya. That's great! I find it hard to balance writing them with my work life and home. Marriage, family, etc. It really helps if you already work in the industry to get your name out there. Or if your stuff is just bang on fantastic that works too. ;) I had Brian Dannelly read one of mine and really enjoyed it (He directed "Saved!" - great film if you havent seen it)... anyway, he just told me it would be hard to sell because it's not the kind of screenplay that would make any money. It's an "actors" movie and you'd need an ensemble cast. That sort of thing. I mentioned the trilogy earlier, which is sort of a sci-fi thing that I am trying to get Peter Jackson interested in. But, hey, we're all hunkered down for The Hobbit for the next few years so I don't know how that will work for me.

I liked the tone of your script. I did feel there were too many characters, and the interaction between Alfred and Bruce was uncharacteristic (I thought) and felt that Bruce only said what he said to serve as your reasoning to have him leave and come back later to "save the day." But that's not the end of the world. I would've focused more on the Selina/Bane thing and left the rest as filler. That said, you did a pretty good job of giving the story a large scope like feel so good deal there.

rfU
04-04-2011, 11:14 AM
I mentioned the trilogy earlier, which is sort of a sci-fi thing that I am trying to get Peter Jackson interested in. original work?would like to take a look at that if possible. Maybe a quick synopsis. I've done a trilogy too, a sort of teen fantastic 4. Actually there's a prequel to the trilogy so that's what, a quadrupology? :woot:

I liked the tone of your script. I did feel there were too many characters, and the interaction between Alfred and Bruce was uncharacteristic (I thought) and felt that Bruce only said what he said to serve as your reasoning to have him leave and come back later to "save the day." Yeah, I guess. You can never get enough Michael Caine, I don't think :cwink:. What part in particular were you alluding to?


That said, you did a pretty good job of giving the story a large scope like feel so good deal there.Oh no you don't. I didn't write a 140 page script just for you to comment 3/4 lines... what else, don't hold back. How did you like my interpretation of the Riddler, his demeanor, costume, etc? And what about the ending? I thought it was superb, maybe dialogue could use some tweaking but I would like to see Nolan beat that ending. I've already worked out a part 4 but I doubt I'll be writing one. Too time consuming.

rfU
05-02-2011, 10:41 AM
Bump :cwink:

The more details that come out about Nolan's DKR, the more convinced I am that this screenplay is better, not to toot my horn or anything :yay:

Heffer Wolf
05-08-2011, 04:42 AM
Bump :cwink:

The more details that come out about Nolan's DKR, the more convinced I am that this screenplay is better, not to toot my horn or anything :yay:

Yikes, really? No offence, I don't want to be mean, but I hated it. I had to force myself past the part where Batman breaks Jokers neck for no reason. Too many characters, the dialogue was horrible, the story moved way to fast, and some parts made no sense. Like why was Selina mad at Bruce before "Bird" attacked him? Also, that brings up peoples names. Bird? Zombie? Trogg? Kind of weak. Bane was also really boring and kind of unecessary. Alfred in no way shape or form acted like Alfred. And Croc was just kind of shoe horned in for no reason at all. And i hated the fact that they all refered to themselves as Bat-villians, and the scarecrow was allowed to go on TV for an interview. That didn't make a whole lot of sense. Now I will admit I stopped reading after the first Top Secret section, because honestly a huge chunk of story was missing and this is just a fan script after all, so it was kind of hard to get back into it. But I lost most interest a lot longer then that any way.

The thing that I did like though, was the Riddler reading his "manifesto" as Edward Nashton just reading a letter he got. That was kind of smart.

and finally, you did produce my new most favorite line from anything ever, "Gentlemen, this is party"

sorry if this sounded mean, but its my honest thoughts.

rfU
05-09-2011, 01:08 PM
Yikes, really? No offence, I don't want to be mean, but I hated it. :lol: that's cool.

I had to force myself past the part where Batman breaks Jokers neck for no reason.there's a part in there where it says he's murdered all these innocent people in the events before hand (Dr. Arkham for example). That and at this point Batman is despondent, mentally fragile (remember he's all over the news for beating the crap out of criminals, etc) crime fighting will do that to you :yay:

Besides, its better than Joker mysteriously disappearing, isnt it? In this he's kinda of like in the shadows, obscured so we can't really see his face. short cameo but powerful. Borrowed this one for the comics by the way.

Too many characters, the dialogue was horriblei thought dialogue was quite good but i'll give it another read thru one of these days. Nolan's dialogue is pretty bad too, i've always thought. Delivery counts more i think. as for having too many characters, i think i weighted it just about right. everyone has their moment and its not too forced or too random (there's even more if you read on :yay:). More importantly, i found time for Bruce Wayne's character.

the story moved way to fast, and some parts made no sense. Like why was Selina mad at Bruce before "Bird" attacked him? because he stood her up, (missed flight from zurich, etc)...

Also, that brings up peoples names. Bird? Zombie? Trogg? Kind of weak. i agree but those are their names in the comics so...

Bane was also really boring and kind of unecessary.I'm going for presence rather than dialogue here. he's not meant to be the exciting type or eccentric like Joker or Scarecrow. He's very much behind the scenes, subtle, quiet, not flashy, remember he's linked with the League of Shadows.

Alfred in no way shape or form acted like Alfred.how do you mean? dialogue? there's a bit of dialogue here and there i would redo... i think he's more interesting here than in previous installments, especially considering the amount of screen time he would get.

And Croc was just kind of shoe horned in for no reason at all. had to find a character as tough and imposing as bane to be a suspect for Gordon and Batman. Could only be Croc. And he's not the most interesting of characters, cant do too much with him.

and the scarecrow was allowed to go on TV for an interview. That didn't make a whole lot of sense. all kinds of crazies get allowed on tv nowadays, why not scarecrow :yay:

The thing that I did like though, was the Riddler reading his "manifesto" as Edward Nashton just reading a letter he got. That was kind of smart.i thought it was smart how i wrote Riddler. Really difficult to do.

and finally, you did produce my new most favorite line from anything ever, "Gentlemen, this is party"that was a good scene, with Bruce and Nashton facing off

sorry if this sounded mean, but its my honest thoughts.criticism is cool, provided its well founded. anyway as they say, a screenplay is not meant to be read, it’s meant to be seen. Put this on the big screen and i can see it working, mos def a worthy sequel. Surprised you couldn't read on, its gets better as you read on culminating to a satisfying ending. Seriously considering doing a part 4 actually.

thanks for reading tho :yay: