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Old 02-22-2011, 11:28 AM   #105
Rowsdower!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kicking some Flash
Posts: 16,377
Default Re: Kevin Costner up for a role?

I think I have a solution to this issue with Superman's parents. It would also fix the alleged problem of whether or not Superman can truly fit into the modern age of the superhero.

At the beginning of the film, we see Superman as he is traditionally presented: the Big, Blue Boy Scout. He fights crime and saves civilians with a big smile on his face. He flies home from time to time to have apple pie with his folks. He stands for Truth, Justice and the American Way.

And no one respects him. TMZ starts rumors that he's bad in bed, since they can't find any legitimate dirt on him. Other tabloids allege that he's dumb as a rock and has no friends. Fox News questions his "American Way" motto since (as an alien) he was not born in the U.S.

All of this leaves Superman very depressed. He travels to Gotham and asks Batman how he keeps people from making fun of him. Batman tells him that it's probably because he just doesn't give a f**k either way and because he's not terribly concerned about working within the confines of the law when fighting crime. If he has to drop a guy off of a building or rip his fingernails out to get information out of him, so be it. Abhorred by Batman's considerably deplorable actions, Superman asks him how he got this way. Batman then tells him the story of how his parents were murdered.

This gets Big Blue thinking. After some deliberation, he flies to his parents' farm in Smallville. He tells them that he will always love them and that they have been an important influence in his life, up to this point. Then he turns on the heat vision and atomizes them.

After sprinkling the Kents' ashes over their cornfield, Supes dons a black costume and then flies back to Metropolis, where he rips Lex Luthor in half, burns down Suicide Slum, and crushes Jimmy Olsen's balls into oblivion for constantly flirting with Lois. Then Supes takes Lois back to the Fortress of Solitude and plows her for 2 weeks straight.

Box office gold.

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