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Old 06-21-2013, 12:12 AM   #27
Joeyjojo72
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Default Re: TMOS Review & Speculation Thread (Spoilers) - Part 4

A comment left on redlettermedia's MoS review by someone named Ass Hat:

Butthurt. OH MY GOD look at all this butthurt. This is butthurt that I will be able to tell my grandkids about someday. Sitting on the front porch with a glass of lemonade in my hand, while little Timmy and little Sally run up to me wide-eyed...

"Grandpa, Grandpa! Tell us a story!"

"About my time in World War III?"

"No! No! About the great Butthurt Act of 2013 that we learned about in history class today!"

"Ah. What a dark time it was. Well, kids. Many, many years ago, when I was a much younger man...there was one of those moving pictures that came out that they called 'Man of Steel.' This moving picture was a retelling of the age-old story of Superman. When it came out, the movie was hated by many and loved by many. While many were respectful towards opposing views, some reacted with venomous words. They are nearly extinct today, but back then they were known as "Fanboys" and they were a loathsome, virginal lot. You see, another man about 35 or so years earlier made a couple of these Superman pictures. The people who hated this 'Man of Steel' were accused relentlessly of being loyal to the early Donner pictures when it wasn't the case. The ones who hated it complained of such fundamental things. Things that were necessary for every other picture ever made, yet the Fanboys convinced themselves that these things did not apply to 'Man of Steel.' Things such as the writing. Characters with purpose. Structure. Feelings! Nevertheless, the Fanboys were convinced that those who hated it were "stupid and just didn't get it," and given a black "S" to wear on our clothing.

"You mean that people didn't like it because it had no soul, Grandpa?"

"That's correct, my dear. You see, this was back in the time when these things became less common place. Writers were losing their touch and the almighty box office opening weekend was the only consideration, and moving pictures became soulless, noisy things without heart or emotion. People began mistaking emotional investment with characters with slow-motion explosions with sad orchestral music and choirs playing over them. Or a slow-motion image of a man underwater or in space with his arms spread like Christ. They became confused and manipulated. Standards bottomed out. Things like this are what the Fanboys came to expect and demand, violently if they had to."

"So...so what happened?" I lit my pipe.

"Well, Timmy, things changed. They started calling this sort of thing "ADHD cinema." Films that celebrated style over substance without any sense of adventure or hope. Those who disliked 'Man of Steel' were forced into camps. They were tortured and made to watch the picture several times and repeat things like "This is not Richard Donner's Superman" and "I didn't understand the great 'Man of Steel's' true genius" thousands of times over, daily. However, they revolted. The case was made because they had science on their side. An institution back then known as Rotten Tomatoes, before they replaced the executive branch of the government, came to our aid. They argued that the film was universally "rotten" with a score of 56%. The Fanboys argued that the system was flawed. They were right, but their argument of "your just stipid adn gay" didn't hold up. They knew they had lost."

"So what happened then?"

"Well, this series of events brought about the Butthurt Act of 2013. It put into law that any Fanboy who decides to slander someone in disagreement is banished into the exile of watching another moving picture from 1998 called 'Godzilla.' You see, this 'Godzilla' picture had the same flaws as 'Man of Steel,' yet no one criticized anyone for not liking it as it had no support. The 'Godzilla' picture was also a reinvention of a classic yarn. It was about a radioactive lizard who destroys civilizations along with great numbers of their people. This picture also lacked any kind of creativity in its writing, characters, or story just the same as 'Man of Steel.' Yet with that 'Man of Steel' picture, people were told that they weren't smart enough to understand the brilliance of the poor writing. They were told they were partial to Marvel, a group who were also in the superhero business. The moral of the story is, kids...people who don't like something usually have good reasons for doing so. Fanboys who like these pictures were never able to understand that and made up all sorts of exaggerations and lost their collective nerve. You see, some people want a little more than CGI and explosions. Fanboys don't."

"Wow, Grandpa! I had no idea it could be that bad. I hope it never happens again. Grandpa, what did you think of 'The Man of Steel?'

"Well, Timmy, I'll tell you. Don't repeat this and don't tell your mother."

"Ok!"

"Piece of fu***ng s**t, Timmy. A gigantic piece of god*mn s**t."

THE END

__________________
Originally Posted by KangConquers

At the risk of being totally offensive...there's a quote from Ghandi about Christianity that can be reappropriated for this.

"I like your Christopher Nolan, but I do not like your Nolanites."
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