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Old 12-13-2013, 10:15 PM   #607
ThePhantasm
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Location: UK
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Default Re: Official 'The Hobbit' Thread - - - - Part 13

My review (SPOILER warning):

The opening scene in Bree is completely unnecessary and tells us nothing that we do not already know.

The scene with Beorn would have been the perfect opportunity for some action. In the books, after all, the dwarves and Bilbo wake up to find orc heads on pikes outside. Instead such an opportunity for a badass action scene is inexplicably skipped. Why add action scenes in later if you are going to skip opportunities for scenes faithful to the book?

Mirkwood: Pretty good. Bilbo's scenes with the spiders, while brief, are good. Bilbo, however, falling to the power of the ring is too heavy-handed. Really overdoing that motif. Stop it. This isn't LOTR.

Gandalf goes to the tombs of the Ringwraiths. Oh wait, that's not in the book because THEY CAN'T MUTHA-****ING BE KILLED. They just disappear and reappear when Sauron leaves and returns to power.

Tauriel and Kili. Are you kidding me? They didn't even try to make it subtle. The whole white-light Tauriel scene earlier, with Kili saying (just like Aragorn) "this is a dream"... GREAT GOBLINS, IT'S DISCOUNT ARWEN AND HALF-SIZED ARAGORN!

Barrel escape is overdone. The Bombur scene is ridiculously stupid. I get that the Hobbit is a lighthearted book for kids but it isn't moronic like this.

Bolg looks awful. Bad CGI. Why didn't they use practical Bolg? Makes no sense.

Gandalf goes into Dol Goldur. Multiple problems. First, he states in FOTR (the book AND the movie) that there are powers in the world against which he has not yet been tested. Those powers are the fallen maiar, which take form as balrogs and... guess what... Sauron. So the Gandalf / Sauron fight renders that meaningless. But it also makes Gandalf COLOSSALLY STUPID for knowingly going into a trap and getting his ass kicked. Why didn't they just kill Gandalf? Why imprison him? Saruman imprisoned Gandalf to make him change his mind in LOTR but here Sauron has absolutely NO REASON NOT TO KILL GANDALF. This is bull****.

Too much of the Master. He's a boring character, not to mention he feels like someone copied and pasted Governor Ratcliff from Pocahontas into the movie.

Dwarven turret-bow. If Bard uses that thing to shoot down Smaug I will be majorly disappointed. Such a stupid looking weapon.

The "keyhole" scene. The dwarves look stupid and immature here. A scene that should have had a lot of dignity is tarnished for absolutely no reason at all. Drags out the time meaninglessly.

Bilbo goes in. The Bilbo / Smaug interaction is great, except for Smaug knowing about the Ring??? Bizarre plot point. But the scene is ruined by being intercut with an episode of Kili's Anatomy, complete with love triangles and hospital drama. So boring.

Smaug. What can I say. The way those dwarves played him for a fool is awful. And then he just leaves. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Legolas fights Bolg. Bolg gets the upper hand. Legolas is stunned. Perfect opportunity for Bolg to... abruptly turn around and walk nonchalantly away? WTF?

The film doesn't end on a climax. It ends just before a climax. Everyone in the theatre was upset by this - quite a few yelled "oh come on!" Its quite lame.

Overall, the first half is okay enough. Not the best in the series but not the worst. The second half, however, is abysmal. If they had cut the crap Bard could have killed Smaug by now. Instead we get meandering, meaningless drivel that literally goes nowhere. The film treads water as far as the storyline goes. The most disrespectful take on Tolkien's mythos thus far, and that's saying a lot. A huge disappointment.

4/10

Overall:

Good casting, great CGI in places, abysmal CGI in others (Bolg, that tapestry that fell on Bilbo), lame plotting, atrocious dialogue, takes a steaming pile of **** on the mythos. Howard Shore's music accounts for one of the points - still brilliant.

Stuff to Watch For on Repeat Viewings:

- Thranduil references star-gems that I think may be a reference to the Silmarils? Though why they'd be in the dwarven kingdom is beyond me.
- Nothing else really.

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Last edited by ThePhantasm; 12-13-2013 at 10:19 PM.
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