O.K., somewhat more constructively, this is what I'd do...
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Originally Posted by Jochimus
Fifteen years from now, Earth has been conquered and its major metropolitan areas laid waste by a malevolent army of shape-changing robots called the Sweeps. Their khan is a cold, quiet and calculating figure known as Galvatron; at his side are his expert trackers, the horned witch Cyclonus (yes, female) and the towering, silent, brutish Scourge (basically they'd be refashioned into an homage to the Phantom Zone villains in the original Superman movies). Those military personnel that survived the initial skirmishes have been taken prisoner in work camps; those civilians that have survived have been driven away from what remains of the cities, into the plains and hills, stripped of almost all modern technology since the Sweeps can track movements through the World Wide Web and any other known computerized tracking systems like OnStar, thus causing humans to fall back on using mostly older cars. For the most part, though, Galvatron isn't concerned with civilians regardless of Cyclonus' protestations, seeing as outside of the growing underground resistance movement that according to his trackers has apparently been focusing much of its energies on trying to get coded messages to someone or something called "Optimus Prime", most of humankind has had the good sense to fear him and thus stay out of his way (it's implied in dialogue that a nuclear counterstrike was attempted and backfired horribly).
Most, but not all, though: one person who doesn't have any particular trepidation toward risking the wrath of the Sweeps is a 17-year-old hacker, newly escaped from juvie detention, named Verity Carlo. All she wants is to get out of the country and down to Mexico (one of the few "safe spots" remaining on Earth...at least for crooks), and upon trying to hack an ATM at a truck stop near Devil's Tower, Wyoming (deliberate nod to Classic Spielberg) tries to tap into a nearby Sweep communications relay for processing power with dismal results; her laptop gets fried, giving away her position (also doing away with the "I Can Conveniently Decipher The Aliens' Technology With My Laptop!" cliché), and drawing the attentions, via radio reports of her attempted theft, of a mysterious, brooding police officer in a patrol car who takes up pursuit.
Before we get to him, though, Verity is quickly intercepted by a red and blue big-rig driven by an older gent who goes by his CB handle, "Orion", and instead of taking her to Mexico he's planning to drop her off in Nevada, where a pocket of resistance fighters led by a former Special Ops man named Adam Rook - codename Lazarus - will get her to safety in a more convenient fashion than Orion can. Orion, you see, isn't on the way to Mexico; Verity discovers he's headed for Seattle, which happens to be where Galvatron's citadel is (atop a more heavily fortified version of the Space Needle), so her suspicions that there's, ahem, more to Orion than meets the eye become stoked more and more. And sure enough, when the Sweeps get to Nevada ahead of Orion and start to take apart the derelict refinery where the resistance has been hiding out - civilians scrambling all over themselves as the soldiers vainly attempt to fight back - he knows the game's up and, in a spectacular battle sequence about 15 to 20 minutes into the movie (I picture the total run time being about 2 1/2 hours - most of the backstory of the Sweeps' occupation is told in newscast segments interspersed over the opening credits so that the movie picks up with Verity right away), reveals himself to be the holo-avatar of his robot form: Optimus Prime, who transforms as he leaps into the fray and proceeds to chop apart the Sweeps left and right; furthermore, the cop who's been tailing Orion/Optimus and Verity turns out to be not a Sweep at all, but Prowl, who's been watching Prime's back since getting a fix on the girl (between Optimus' "Orion" bit with its echoes of Yoda's intro in ESB, and Prowl's virtual T-1000 imitation, there's a fair bit of screwing with the audience in those first 15 minutes ). They are joined in short order by a TALKING Bumblebee (CB handle "Goldbug"), and get ripped by Lazarus about what's taken them so bloody long to group up AND the fact that the Sweeps have obviously picked up their trail now that they've found a base camp, but Prowl quickly assures Lazarus that he had the Sweeps' transmissions jammed, thus blocking their distress signals back to Seattle; Lazarus' forces thus start moving out the civilians as the Autobots start destroying the camp completely to remove any clues as to where they're going.
The only problem, though, is that when his trackers report back what they've found when they arrive at the scene, Galvatron isn't going to be so stupid as to believe that the resistance was capable of doing all that damage, so it falls upon Optimus to hook up with the other four Autobots presently on Earth - Brawn, Inferno, Ariel and Smokescreen - and re-establish CB communications with Lazarus' "inside man" in Seattle, Walter Barnett, a wounded war veteran who lost his career military family in battle against the Sweeps (including his wife and both his sons) and is prepared to go out in a blaze of glory himself before this is all said and done. For her part, Verity essentially gets "drafted" by Lazarus since she's about the only hacker left in the group (the Sweeps having killed most of his communications staff in the siege on the refinery), so she isn't too happy about that and even less happy with being paired off with Bumblebee as part of the 'Bots' espionage operations, as the group scatters and prepares to sneak into Seattle from various directions to surround the citadel and draw Galvatron out into a one-on-one firefight. Now, if only someone could alert the Autobots that, unknownst to the old man, Barnett's communications with the 'Bots are being monitored by Galvatron himself...and that a one-on-one showdown with Optimus Prime is the very thing that Galvatron has been squatting on this otherwise-utterly-useless rock (there ain't no more Ancient Buried Crap around) 15 years for...
That's the first movie, anyway; basically a Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven-influenced 'soft reboot' in that it doesn't require you to have seen the previous films, but it also doesn't go out of its way to act like they never happened, either; plus if it's a TOTAL reboot you want out of it, just swap out Galvatron, Cyclonus and Scourge with Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave, respectively, and replace the Sweeps with Vehicons.
- the aged-but-still-ticking leader, though less King Arthur and more John Wayne. CB handle "Orion", which is the name his holo-avatar goes by during the first 15 minutes of the movie.
- the TALKING smart-aleck crack-shot whippersnapper. CB handle "Goldbug". I'd probably cast Tom Kenny in this role - I liked his Plastic Man voice in B: TB&TB, especially during the moment when he regretted letting Batman get captured...THAT'S what I hear when I think of 'Bee in this story.
- the bad@$$ Dirty Harry cop. His sense of logic derives more from the vigilantist standpoint than it does any sort of Spockish mathematical reasoning. I can hear him having a voice akin to Robert Patrick (whether it's the stiletto quality of his voice, or the sheer humor of hearing his voice coming from another shape-changing robot cop, I can't say).
- the muscle with a heart of gold and a distinct revelry for causing massive amounts of property damage when situations so demand it. I can hear Patrick Warburton's voice coming out of him.
(separate character from Elita-1, a la IDW Goldbug and Galvatron) - the level-headed chick who can actually last more than two seconds in combat. Is one of Optimus' oldest confidants.
- the streetwise king of cool. His voice would have that smooth 'Billy Dee Williams in his prime' quality.
- the gung-ho crazy with chainsaws as his weapon preference. I'd imagine him having the voice of Dr. John or something similar.
(again, a separate character from Megatron a la IDW) - the icy-SOB ruler not given to fits of "I SMELL YOU, BOYEEEEE!!!"...I'd imagine him sounding like Michael Ironside in full Darkseid mode. He's an apparent clone of Megatron created ages ago as part of a Decepticon contingency plan that never panned out, and he's not real happy about that.
(female) - the deadly witch-henchwoman. Loyal to Galvatron, in her fashion.
- the brutish beast who doesn't talk because...he doesn't have to.
And a messload of Sweeps
a la TF: PRIME's Vehicons. There's no need for them to disguise themselves with Earth-based alt-modes since they run roughshod all over the Earth anyway.
Humans (really only three that we focus on, each representing one of the TF comic-book eras)
- An unlikeable snot who only looks out for herself for most of the picture.
- A battered retired businessman and veteran of a military family...and its sole survivor; his son and wife were lost to the Sweeps. Is Optimus' contact in Seattle.
Special Agent Adam Rook (codename Lazarus)
- Leader of the resistance...not real keen to having to rely on the Autobots to rescue humankind from oblivion. On the other hand, he notices, the Autobots's WEAPONS make such pretty explosions...