The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Anubis]

Next time go for a woman of loose morals.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Anubis

Next time go for a woman of loose morals.

I'm free next saturday night

[CConn]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Unless he was beating on her or mentally abusing her, I don't know what he could have possibly done to warrant his friend discarding his relationship especially after he made efforts to improve his behavior.

I mean I think most people here have friends who have cheated on their significant others. We might not have agreed with that or other courses of actions they might have done in the past, but as a friend unless they are doing something so destructive, one should be supportive.

It was kind of a complex situation, largely brought on my adolescent immaturity.

I didn't cheat on her, but I did start talking to another girl I had always kind of liked. Inappropriately so, I guess. But I never went out with her or did anything with her. I definitely wasn't blameless, but at the same time, it could've been worse.

We would have arguments. And she would say untrue things (like I didn't like her or something like that) and I would get extremely frustrated by being ignored when I told her actually true things, and I got very resentful and angry pretty much all the time over it.

Like I said, I was in the wrong, definitely. I said mean things, yeah. But as time went on, we found out that she was suffering from a personality disorder (I was never diagnosed with anything), and once she got on medication my own bad behavior really disasspated. That growth and correction just didn't matter to him, though.

[hopefuldreamer]

I really don't see anything that says you did anything wrong whatsoever

[CConn]

Okay, maybe I was understating it.

I was just a dick in general for a while. I had an overly short temper with her, I would belittle and criticize her unfairly...stuff like that.

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well, Nell, I'll give you this, once you finally do have sex and start having serious sexual relationships you'll wonder why you ever thought it was so hard in the first place. It's so easy in fact once you stop trying to figure it out, you'll figure it out.

[Aesop Rocks]

Man, parent's just don't understand!

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

Of course you can. I mean you learn maturity in terms of how you REACT to a break up... you don't have to scream at them and call them a poo poo head

I just think that if you really loved the person, you'd be a lot more devestated that it was over. Not just dissapointed you're not in a relationship anymore, and that this attempt didn't work out.

Just says to me that, as hard as any break up is, this one probably happened at the exact right time. Before there was too much invested in it.

Which is totally the mature and sensible way for a relationship in the beginning stages to end, if one or the other is not feeling it 100% for whatever reason.

I have a classmate whose fiance broke up with her. (Official fiance and all, she'd wear the engagement ring most of the time. But...most of the time, not all.) She came to class with red eyes and was crying the entire class time.

Two weeks later she's all chipper and is dating someone else.

This is a girl who's so pretty and popular with the guys, that she seriously thought two weeks was a long time to be single. She's a sweetheart - completely naive, but a sweetheart.

I'm not sure if she understands what it really means to be in love and supportive of one person the way one has to be in a marriage. She explained that she thought she had a role to play in a marriage, namely, being a housewife. But you know, there are many ways to be happy.

Originally Posted by Aesop Rocks

Man, parent's just don't understand!

Um, I'm sure they do. They had a kid, after all.

[Aesop Rocks]

Context, Anita! CONTEXT!

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Aesop Rocks

Context, Anita! CONTEXT!

You didn't give any! What sort of response did you want?

[Optimus_Prime_]

Two weeks is a while for me frankly. As long as every relationship you start you don't immediately think they're the next husband/wife, I think it's good to date around, see how it goes then let go if need be.

[Hound55]

Just a guess: But I imagine you've never had to pay an overdue fee at your local library before...

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Optimus_Prime_

Two weeks is a while for me frankly. As long as every relationship you start you don't immediately think they're the next husband/wife, I think it's good to date around, see how it goes then let go if need be.

She's Russian and says at her age (21), she's an old maid.

Keep in mind she was engaged to her previous bf. So it wasn't like they were "seeing how it goes."

Granted, she thinks her new bf is a better match than the old one, even after only dating him a week, so her fiance was probably not a good partner for her to start with anyway. Some girls really aren't that picky.

[Optimus_Prime_]

Originally Posted by Hound55

Just a guess: But I imagine you've never had to pay an overdue fee at your local library before...

If you're worried about having kids, wear protection or don't have sex. If you are worried about protection not working I wouldn't be having sex, period. The consequence could happen your first time as much as it could your next.

[Optimus_Prime_]

Originally Posted by Anita18

She's Russian and says at her age (21), she's an old maid.

Keep in mind she was engaged to her previous bf. So it wasn't like they were "seeing how it goes."

Granted, she thinks her new bf is a better match than the old one, even after only dating him a week, so her fiance was probably not a good partner for her to start with anyway. Some girls really aren't that picky.

'Better match' might be a stretch considering the circumstances, and Russians are odd (I know a few, they walked out and left me with a check once because according to them they didn't have food and drinks must be free in Russian so therefore they should be comp'd). If you just go find someone to pass the time with that's completely different.

[Hound55]

Originally Posted by Optimus_Prime_

If you're worried about having kids, wear protection or don't have sex. If you are worried about protection not working I wouldn't be having sex, period. The consequence could happen your first time as much as it could your next.

I think you've misconstrued what I was saying...

[Optimus_Prime_]

Originally Posted by Hound55

I think you've misconstrued what I was saying...

Yes, I was kind of confused as to what you meant by that?

[Hound55]

It was a comment about commitment rather than protection.

Specifically, 4 weeks seeming like an overly long-term commitment to a book.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Hound55

It was a comment about commitment rather than protection.

Specifically, 4 weeks seeming like an overly long-term commitment to a book.

4 weeks? We only get 3.

[Hound55]

We generally got 4 weeks (or a month) depending on the council, asnd then you have the option to take it in and get an extension if nobody else has reserved what you've hired.

After that, then you have to bring it in.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Anita18

I have a classmate whose fiance broke up with her. (Official fiance and all, she'd wear the engagement ring most of the time. But...most of the time, not all.) She came to class with red eyes and was crying the entire class time.

Two weeks later she's all chipper and is dating someone else.

This is a girl who's so pretty and popular with the guys, that she seriously thought two weeks was a long time to be single. She's a sweetheart - completely naive, but a sweetheart.

I'm not sure if she understands what it really means to be in love and supportive of one person the way one has to be in a marriage. She explained that she thought she had a role to play in a marriage, namely, being a housewife. But you know, there are many ways to be happy.

Oh all the girls where like that when I was younger. Especially my best friend. I think she was single for two weeks at the most, from her first boyfriend when we were 14 to her husband now, other than this 6 month stint at the beginning of university.

She's a true believer that you don't get over you're old relationship until you're in a new one, and she's not very good at being single... it makes her very very unhappy.

I've just never been a part of all the dating my friends used to do. I mean, we had a group of girls and guys, all of whom where each others boyfriends at one point of another Except me. I just wasn't in the same category as the other girls I guess.

I genuinely don't know how to do it though. How to be attractive enough that people are actually interested in going out with you.

Before, when I was younger, it was massively a confidence issue. I thought I was unattractive and fat (I really wasn't though, I love looking at old pics of myself though it is kind of sad I couldn't see it). And I was so down on myself and a bit odd.

Now it's sort of the opposite.

I mean, I have two states with guys. I'm either flirting with them, or i'm acting like one of the guys.

I don't know how to do what normal girls do, where you're just an attractive, feminine person. To tone down that forward, boystrous, competative, impulsive streak I have and just be approachable and appealing.

So even if I did hold to the 'you only get over someone when you start dating someone else' it wouldn't at all be easy for me to do that. Not like some people who seem to be able to just turn around and walk into a new relationship.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Anita18

She's Russian and says at her age (21), she's an old maid.

Keep in mind she was engaged to her previous bf. So it wasn't like they were "seeing how it goes."

Granted, she thinks her new bf is a better match than the old one, even after only dating him a week, so her fiance was probably not a good partner for her to start with anyway. Some girls really aren't that picky.

Well it might be that she just needs more time to really understand who the "right match" is, and that's all fine but I'm reminded of this friend of mine who's in a serious relationship with his girlfriend for... well quite a few years now. They met in High School, they're in separate colleges in different states, and he's being drunk most of the time because he can't be near her. They're...planning to get married this summer which is great and I'm really happy for him and all but they really don't have much of a plan. It's them getting married because apparently that's what feels right for them at the moment, despite the fact that they'll still BE IN separate colleges once summer's off. We're all telling him to really think it through but the poor bloke doesn't seem convinced.

The reason I'm recounting all this is because you really, really need to take your time. Engagement, marriage, yeah even with the right person there's the issue of the right time. And finances really matter. Moreover, some like my pal here, even though he's been with the girl for years now, really doesn't exhibit any emotional maturity on his part. So for YOUR friend, maybe it's not just dating multiple guys that'll let her think straight, maybe she needs to do it on her own terms?

Originally Posted by Hound55

Just a guess: But I imagine you've never had to pay an overdue fee at your local library before...

Specifically, 4 weeks seeming like an overly long-term commitment to a book.

Maybe we shouldn't be committing so much to a book in the first place? Okay never mind, I take that back.

Originally Posted by Anita18

4 weeks? We only get 3.

2 here. tops. Unless extensions are available.
Wish I could say the same thing for exes.

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

Oh all the girls where like that when I was younger. Especially my best friend. I think she was single for two weeks at the most, from her first boyfriend when we were 14 to her husband now, other than this 6 month stint at the beginning of university.

She's a true believer that you don't get over you're old relationship until you're in a new one, and she's not very good at being single... it makes her very very unhappy. [...]

I mean, I have two states with guys. I'm either flirting with them, or i'm acting like one of the guys.

I don't know how to do what normal girls do, where you're just an attractive, feminine person. To tone down that forward, boystrous, competative, impulsive streak I have and just be approachable and appealing.

So even if I did hold to the 'you only get over someone when you start dating someone else' it wouldn't at all be easy for me to do that. Not like some people who seem to be able to just turn around and walk into a new relationship.

I don't really think that's a healthy mindset to keep when you're entering a relationship though is it? Getting along with rebound-person and then hoping it grows into something better? I mean... it's a touch deferential... dissecting love by what is NOT love...

But anyway... maybe the reason you're like that around the guys is because of the guys? Most of the girls I know around here do have an imposing demeanour, certainly more than my own, and i don't really see that hampering their social skills.

then again, my record includes being attracted to impulsive crazies... over and over again... so i may not be the most reliable voice on the board for this

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by Optimus_Prime_

Well, Nell, I'll give you this, once you finally do have sex and start having serious sexual relationships you'll wonder why you ever thought it was so hard in the first place. It's so easy in fact once you stop trying to figure it out, you'll figure it out.

Perhaps, but finding a girl that will have sex with me obviously isn't that easy, otherwise I wouldn't be 3 days away from being a 29 year old virgin.

Also, that's not meant to be taken as emo "woe is me" talk.

[The Squirrel]

Omgosh, just go get a hooker already.

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yeah I second the hooker thing. Also you are seriously lacking in confidence. Even ugly dudes can get laid fairly easily. Go read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It might explain what you're doing wrong.