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Old 04-06-2013, 07:43 PM   #1
LEVITIKUZ
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Default My Justice League Screenplay


Hello everybody. I'm new here. I've written a Justice League screenplay and I would like to hear some opinions on it.

The Villain-BRAINIAC


I was watching a sneak peek of Justice League: Doom a couple days ago. In that Bruce Timm said ďWith all Justice League stories you always kind of have to think of the villain first. You have to kind of think ok you got these 7 super powered characters. You need a villain who can stand up against them and run for their money.Ē. I have been thinking of who the right villain should be. Iíve heard Darkseid, Amazo, Ocean Master, Zod, Lex, Vandel Savage and many more that should be the villain. Iíve watched X-Men, Avengers, & Fantastic Four for help in a way. The thing with the villains in those films is even if the villain wasnít portrayed right; they are villains that are just as epic as the group. Magneto is just as epic as a villain as the X-Men are as a group, Dr. Doom is just as epic as a villain as the Fantastic Four are as a group, and Loki is just as epic as a villain as the Avengers are as a group. You need the villain of the Justice League to be just as epic as the League.

I donít think Darkseid should be used yet. Save him for a future film. I strongly donít think Lex should be really in the film. The thing with Lex is he is Supermanís archenemy. Introducing Lex in the Justice League when he hasnít even been introduced in Man of Steel or if there is another Superman film before that would just seem odd. Vandel is a good villain but he wouldnít feel right as the first villain. Zod is in Man of Steel so no. Others like Amazo and Ocean Master may look great to comic fans but you need someone bigger and better. Thatís why I picked Brainiac and here are many more reasons why he should be the villain.

The First To Reveal Supermanís Weakness Of Kryptonite To The World

If you really think about it, it is highly doubtful Kryptonite will even be used in Man of Steel. The reason I say this is because of the fact Zod is the villain. Since both Superman and Zod are from Krypton. We know if Superman has Kryptonite near him, he will grow weak because he is from Krypton. Since Zod is from Krypton the same thing should happen to him if he has Kryptonite so it doesnít make sense really for it to be in the film.

Brainiac traveled around the universe in search of knowledge. Since he has Kandor, he would have known about the knowledge of people from there. Brainiac would know that because of the yellow sun, Kryptonite would affect Superman and use it on him.

A Villain Big Enough That Superman Canít Handle But The League Together Can

I have said this before and Iíll say it again, the villain of the Justice League film needs to be able to take down Superman but canít take down the League. Too many people would be wondering, ďWhy would you need a team with Superman? Heís Superman he can take down anyone.Ē We need to show that even Superman needs help and one can show that with Brainiac.

A Villain We Can See Both Sides Of Batman

People love Batman, otherwise have of DC wouldnít focus on Batman with half of the stuff they do. We need Batmanís brains and brawn shown in the film. One small problem I have with The Avengers is that Tony Stark never used his intelligence to defend Loki, just his suit. You canít do that with Batman. Batman is without a doubt the smartest Justice League member. Batman can be shown using his brain and brawn, dissecting and fighting Brainiacís Probes to learn how to stop them and Brainiac.

A Villain To Get Wonder Woman Off That Damn Island

The biggest problem of a Justice League film is Wonder Woman. Batman, Superman, & Flash protect cities. Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern are from space. Aquaman could just come out like he did in New 52 but Wonder Woman is hard. My plan is very early in the film; Brainiac invades Themyscira and takes it.

My reasoning behind this is Brainiac is smart. He discovers unknown worlds on Earth that could expand his vast knowledge. Themyscira is one of those unknown worlds that Brainiac takes and it make sense. After Brainiac takes Themyscira, this causes Wonder Woman to go out into the world for help. He is aided by an ally to go out and find someone who the Amazons know that can help.

A Villain We Can See Both Sides Of The Flash

If you really think about it, taking out Martian Manhunter, the Flash is the second smartest member of the Justice League behind Batman. I am planning on using the Barry Allen Flash for this film. I will have Flash help out with Batman in stopping Brainiac and also we will see Flash fight which we all know would look cool and we want to see.

A Villain That Could Have Green Lantern Be ďThe HulkĒ Of The Film

Green Lantern needs redemptions from that pitiful film Green Lantern. Because of the film and its failure, Iím not using Green Lantern as much as Iím using Martian Manhunter, Batman, and Flash. Yes Green Lantern will be a major help in the film. We will more remember Green Lantern for the epic battle scene in the end which we all want to see. During the plot, we will see Green Lantern contribute but itís best if we remember him for smashing and it would be cool seeing Green Lantern smash Brainiacís Probes.

A Villain That Can Get Aquaman Out Of The Water

I really think Aquaman can work and I have many ideas of how. Very early in the film, we hear that Brainiac has taken Atlantis. My reason for this is basically the same reason for why Brainiac took Themyscira. You wonít see this scene, but you will see Aquaman landing on a certain civilization. I donít want to give much away about Aquaman but you read later on in my sneak peek.

A Villain Who Has A Past With Martian Manhunter

Iím a big Martian Manhunter fan. I want him in this film without a doubt. I have sort of rewritten Martian Manhunterís background. He has a history and a vendetta with Brainiac and he wonít rest until he is defeated. You will find out what Brainiac did to Martian Manhunter and you will find out what happened when Martian Manhunter tried to face Brainiac alone.

A Great Villain For The Day And Age We Live In

With the whole idea of realism in the world Man of Steel is, having Brainiac would work very well. Think of the type of world we live, we are so depended on technology. We watch TV, use computers, use phones, play games, and use robots to build cars and other products, use technology a lot. Hell I'm not surprised if in 20 years we have robots. Since Brainiac is living technology it shows the world of the evils with technology. You get where I'm going with this. This will be a theme throughout my screenplay.

An Original Justice League Origin Story

Instead of using the White Martian from the cartoons or Darkseid from the New 52, I wanted this to be more original. A while back I was doing a screenplay called Batman: Arkham Asylum. It was basically a combination of the game and the book. I havenít worked on it in months and donít plan on it. The reason I havenít worked on it is because it no longer became fun. I was too busy using the game and the book for ideas and I wasnít able to explore my creativity because I was too focusing on making a perfect adaption.

The Justice League


Superman

The Superman in my story is basically the classic Superman we all know and love: the big blue boy scout. There are many examples of this Superman being used in Man of Steel. Clark exposed his powers to save the children on the bus instead of keeping his powers a secret and letting them die.

Batman

My Batman is largely influenced by the Batman Arkham games and the animated series. My Batman is in a very dark place in his career. He has been Batman for 3 years. Dick left the cave and moved on to BlŁdhaven as Nightwing. Barbara is in college and helps Dick out as Batgirl. Jason has been killed. Tim hasnít joined yet. Batman is as alone as he was when he first started until an unlikely ally comes to Gotham.

Wonder Woman

Most of Wonder Womanís background is canon and the same as the comics. We will see Wonder Woman as a warrior, hard headed, and compassionate. Themyscira is gone. Wonder Woman will be a little more emotional than weíve seen her because she is out to get Themyscira back and must search for the one person who the Amazons said she could trust to get Themyscira back.

I wonít be going to deep into Wonder Womanís background. Wonder Woman will be a mystery kind of. Her past and origin will be revealed in a solo movie. I will say I do have an easter egg that shows the direction Iím looking for in a Wonder Woman film.

My main source for Wonder Woman will be Wonder Woman: The Animated Movie.

The Flash (Barry Allen)

My Barry Allen Flash knowledge is low but I have an idea for Barry and watching him and reading. The way I am going for the Flash is very much like Peter Parker. Barry Allen is very similar to Peter in many ways and the Flash will be to the Justice League like Spider-Man is to the Avengers. Barry will be the youngest member only 23 years old. Barryís mother died is canon and his job is a forensic scientist. Barry will also tell jokes. Barry is currently dating Iris West in this. When a Brainiac probe hits Central City, the Flash will meet it and learn that the Probe can go supersonic fast and when Flash finally stops it he will land in an unlikely city teaming up with an unlikelier ally.

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)

I am making Green Lantern film canon. He did defeat Parallax and he is mentored by Sinestro, and the ending of him going into space. Thatís really all Iím taking from it but Iím making the Green Lantern look different. Here is what I mean by semi-canon: look at Batman Returns and Batman Forever. Batman Forever is a direct sequel to Batman Returns but do they look the same? Do they look like they take place in the same universe? No but they are. Also look at Hulk and The Incredible Hulk. Is The Incredible Hulk a sequel to Hulk? No. Does it look like it can be a sequel? Yes it does. Thatís what Iím going for with Green Lantern.

Iím approaching Hal in a very serious tone. He was a little too jokey and comedic in the Green Lantern film. Hal will have been a Lantern for 2 years. He will tell some jokes but he will be more serious. I do have some ideas and plans with how to include his Air Force background in the final battle. Also yes, Hal and Barry are friends and have met.

I will be watching all the episodes in Green Lantern: The Animated Series to get a feel and get familiar to Hal. I could read the comics but the great thing about these animated series is that they take notes and characteristics of every writer who has written Green Lantern and combine them. Thatís one reason why I prefer the animated series.

Aquaman

Aquaman is in the same predicament as Wonder Woman. The difference between Wonder Woman and Aquaman is you will see Aquaman more brash and arrogant wanting to get Atlantis back. Wonder Woman is a more calm and you will see her warrior instincts while Aquaman just got that ďletís attackĒ pissed off look.

Martian Manhunter

As a Martian Manhunter fan, I really wanted him to take center stage and show people why he is such a great character. First off Martian Manhunter has a background with Brainiac as I mentioned. You will see later on why.

If I had to compare my Martian Manhunter to anyone it would be Spock from the Star Trek reboot.

Superman: Brainiac

This is perhaps my biggest influence on my screenplay. I love this book. There is really nothing more that needs to be said. Itís my favorite Superman book itís just so great. Johns did a great job on this.

A Preview To My Screenplay


Quote:

The film starts off in a hospital in Saturn. We see a man waking up. We hear a girlís voice screaming ďUncle Jíonn? Uncle Jíonn is waking up.Ē The man waking up in the hospital is Martian Manhunter. The girl screaming in joy is Miss Martian. She is there with the family who Jíonn is good friends with and asked to watch over her. We learn that Jíonn was in a coma and was badly injured but has healed. Miss Martian found out because it was on the news how a man crashed in the middle of the Saturn city. As they talk, the doctor said Jíonn wounds healed and can leave. As they leave all the sudden we have an Earthquake on Saturn. Buildings are collapsing. Jíonn helps out and saves people lives from the buildings collapsing.

All the sudden we see a green light in the sky of Saturn. Green Lantern (Hal) is there to save and protects citizens. During the buildings falling, Martian Manhunter lost Miss Martian and her family. He doesnít know where they are and are looking. All the sudden he sees her and a building is falling on them. A streak of green light flashes through and goes under with them just before the building completely falls. All the sudden a huge green light explodes and it's Hal with Miss Martian, her family, along with some other people he saved. We see Miss Martian and Martian Manhunter embrace in a father daughter type moment. Martian Manhunter goes up to Hal. Hal is a bit exhausted after getting the stones off. Martian Manhunter tells him thanks and recognizes he is human. Hal says he is human. Martian Manhunter tells him Earth is in danger. A great evil has arrived. I need your help to stop it. Hal asks what it is. Manhunter replies Brainiac and he may have already arrived.

As Martian Manhunter tells Hal that it may have already arrived, we see Aquaman land on the shore of Themyscira. Aquaman looks defeated, exhausted, beaten, and disappointed. Atlantis is gone. Brainiac has taken it. As he walks to the surface, he is surrounded by a group of women who take prisoner. They bring him to Queen Hippolyta. They asked Aquaman why heís here and what is he? He tells them that he is Arthur Curry, he also goes by Aquaman and he is the king of Atlantis. He tells them his home and kingdom has been taken. Queen Hippolyta asks by whom and he replies Brainiac. Aquaman hears that they are coming here next. They argue about why should they believe him and so on and then Brainiac arrives. Wonder Woman was at the trail but her mother spoke while she sat back and watched. Once Brainiac arrives, 100s of Probes drop from his ship. We see the Amazons, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman fight the Probes. The battle ends with Brainiac taking Themyscira.

Wonder Womanís is stunned and couldnít believe what she saw. Her home with her mother, Queen Hippolyta, in it was captured. Aquaman is there by her telling her there that there is another world that they must travel too. One old Amazon woman tells Wonder Woman and Aquaman of a man who could help. A couple months ago, young Donna Prince went out for an early morning swim. She went a little too far and a little too deep and was drowning. A man drove down into the water and got her on the island. He performed CPR on her and brought her back to life. She woke up and many other Amazons came and saw him perform CPR and brought her back to life. The man got up and asked her if she was ok and she said yes. The man flew away. There was a symbol on the manís chest. A S. Some Amazons give Wonder Woman an armor to go out in the world. Aquaman tells her he is going with her. They tell them if there is one man you can trust itís this S guy. We end with Wonder Woman flying at supersonic speed while Aquaman is swimming at supersonic speed.

Title credits.

We now move to Central City. Barry Allen is at the Central City Police Department. Itís around 8:00 PM. He is on the phone with his girlfriend Iris West. Barry says that he will be home soon that work has been a pain that day. All the sudden on the news, a Brainiac Probe has demolished a block in Central City. Barry sees it and turns into the Flash. When Barry sees it, he sees the Probe go supersonic fast. Flash chases this probe for a while. When Flash finally captures it, he is in Gotham City.

Detective Harvey Bullock tells Flash to put his hands up. Flash tells him he is not a criminal and asks why he thinks that. Bullock says that most of the crazy ass criminals around here dress up crazy so he must be a criminal. Flash tells Bullock doesnít he watch the news and tells him he is the Flash. Bullock tells him he doesnít watch TV. Bullock also says the Flash is such a lame name. In the middle of Bullock and Flashís talk, Batman comes out of nowhere. He tells Bullock to stand down, Flash is with him. Bullock and Batman argue but Bullock leaves. Afterward Batman asks Flash what he is doing in Gotham. Flash tells him and shows him the Probe. Batman looks over it ask tells him he will look into it taking the Probe. Flash says he is coming with him. Batman says no but Flash says he found it. After a brief stare down Batman tells him he can come and signals the Batmoblie.

Batman and Flash travel to the Batcave with the Probe. Batman grabs the Probe and sets up a place to work and inspect it with Flash. When Flash gets out, he is just in awe at the Batcave. Alfred is down there in the cave. Flash sees the giant dinosaur and says ďHey thatís a giant dinosaur.Ē Alfred says, ďAnd I thought Batman was the Detective.Ē Flash goes by Batman to look at. Here are like screens, think of how Tony Stark has those holographic screens around him when he works. As Batman sets it up and is walking to use them, Flash beats him to it and his figuring out everything. Batman is surprised by this. Batman asks Flash if he is a cop. Flash says no, forensic scientist. As they are working Flash tries to make conversation and try to make Batman open up so he knows more about Batman. As we all know Batman is silent while working and doesnít answer Flashís questions. It wasnít until Flash asked Batman if he lost anyone close to him. Flash tells Batman he lost his mother at a young age. He tells Batman his father was convicted of killing his mother and vows to one day prove his fatherís innocence. After Batman hears that Barry lost his mother, he stops. He knows what this guy has been through. Barry goes on to say that the reason he uses Flash is to make his mother proud of him from heaven. For once, Batman is touched and speechless. Batman goes up to Barry and tells him walk with him. He takes him to this part of the Batcave where there is a painting of his parents. Batman takes off his mask and tells Flash his story and he is Bruce Wayne. Flash then takes off his mask and tells him he is Barry Allen. As they go back to the Brainiac Probe, they get it working and learn whatís in it. And studying it and finding out its alien, Flash suggests that they should ask Superman for help because heís an alien. Batman isnít a huge fan of the idea. Flash tells him how Superman has been a big influence on and he is one of his idols. Batman says fine. We will see Superman. (One note, Batman never says he needs Supermanís help). They go into the Batmoblie with the Probe in the trunk and drive off out of the Batcave. End scene, end preview.
If your wondering why Manhunter is in the hospital, it is explained later on. The Dark Knight isn't canon to my screenplay but Green Lantern, Arrow, and Man of Steel is. I appreciate your thought and opinions. Thank you for your time. Peace.


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Old 04-06-2013, 09:25 PM   #2
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Old 04-06-2013, 09:34 PM   #3
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I haven't read it either (I will), but I also had a braniac idea for a JL movie.

Braniac is able to infiltrate/overtake/shut down the entire world's technology, communications, militaries etc,
(this could also be an interesting movie in its own right, regardless of being a 'superhero' movie; showcasing our reliance on technology, etc)

Thus the need for the all the superhumans to step up to the plate.

Perhaps part of the mission involves getting the Themysciran (and/or Atlantean) army on their side, undiscovered societies who haven't been affected by Braniac (and perhaps can't be affected?).

Also, Braniac could have destroyed MM's homeworld prior (opening sequence?), which GL was unable to successfully defend (as defender of the sector), causing some tension between the two.


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Old 04-06-2013, 09:48 PM   #4
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did you post this on Comic Book Movie dot com? Cause it looks pretty familiar

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Old 04-06-2013, 09:52 PM   #5
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read it. pretty cool.

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Old 04-06-2013, 10:02 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by JosephCAW View Post
did you post this on Comic Book Movie dot com? Cause it looks pretty familiar
Yea I'm the same guy from Comic Book Movie dot com. I tried to just post the link but for some reason they censored comic book movie in the link. Was wondering what some people here might think about it.

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Old 04-06-2013, 10:06 PM   #7
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inspiration.

VIDEO-CLick to Watch!:

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Old 04-06-2013, 10:30 PM   #8
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Yea I'm the same guy from Comic Book Movie dot com. I tried to just post the link but for some reason they censored comic book movie in the link. Was wondering what some people here might think about it.
cool, yeah I read it there (I'm JayJayCAW on there).

Like I said on the other site, its a fun read, one of the small issues I had was that you made Brainiac a Justice League villain as oppose to just being a solo Superman one, I'd hope that if Brainiac is used on screen, he is used like how he is currently used in the comics, the reason why Krypton was destroyed was largely due to Brainiac's involvement, so like how you put it down, Superman at first cannot fight him alone, the end fight should be Superman & Brainy going mono eh mono

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Old 04-06-2013, 10:59 PM   #9
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right.

braniac is a supercomputer. clark wouldn't know where to start with it, but in the end, i want braniac to get his **** kicked in by clark.

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Old 04-06-2013, 11:19 PM   #10
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what?? not true, alot of the time in comics and especially in live action Superman's intelligence is down played (same with Batman), Brainiac is endless knowledge seeking more and more knowledge. Superman in some stories is as smart as his father....maybe not as smart, but pretty damn close, and it was Jor-El who figured out what Brainiac's plan was while all the other so called "geniuses" on Krypton laughed at him....who's laughing now......oh right.....no one....their all dead....nvm

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Old 04-07-2013, 08:37 AM   #11
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

Hi! Welcome!

First off, I want to know whether you've had this story published or had intellectual properties taken care of. And to tell you how brave you are putting this up on the internet.

Second, I know this is just a treatment, but how far along have you gotten? Is this preview the end of the first act or the second? It also reads really sprawling, reads as if it cannot be just in one movie. Sound like the treatment ends somewhere in the hour thirty, hour forty five mark.

Third, I don't know whether you've kept part of the of your story out of that preview, fair enough, but I do find a lot of things missing in it. If that was the case, then disregard this opinion.

I hope now that you've written a treatment for a movie like JL, you can understand how hard it is. People on this forum don't seem to realize this! You can now probably understand why they are going with just 5 members, whoever is currently writing it!

Overall, great effort!

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Old 04-07-2013, 09:18 AM   #12
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The treatment's decent so far, it's certainly not bad. But making Barry the youngest member of the team smacks of turning him into Bart Allen like the DCAU did with Wally, also Barry is not a devout Christian, you should take that Heaven mention out. That's my only real problem so far, any other problems are my own preferences.

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Old 04-07-2013, 02:28 PM   #13
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeedOnATreeFrog View Post
I haven't read it either (I will), but I also had a braniac idea for a JL movie.

Braniac is able to infiltrate/overtake/shut down the entire world's technology, communications, militaries etc,
(this could also be an interesting movie in its own right, regardless of being a 'superhero' movie; showcasing our reliance on technology, etc)

Thus the need for the all the superhumans to step up to the plate.

Perhaps part of the mission involves getting the Themysciran (and/or Atlantean) army on their side, undiscovered societies who haven't been affected by Braniac (and perhaps can't be affected?).

Also, Braniac could have destroyed MM's homeworld prior (opening sequence?), which GL was unable to successfully defend (as defender of the sector), causing some tension between the two.
Funny you should mention Braniac destroying Martian Manhunter's world.

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Originally Posted by Llama_Shepherd View Post
The treatment's decent so far, it's certainly not bad. But making Barry the youngest member of the team smacks of turning him into Bart Allen like the DCAU did with Wally, also Barry is not a devout Christian, you should take that Heaven mention out. That's my only real problem so far, any other problems are my own preferences.
The reason I'm having Barry as the youngest to so just how great he is. Barry is without a doubt the most mature and one of the most smartest of the League. Barry's intelligence only rivals Batman. I know most Comic Book fans want CBM's to be a direct adaption of the comics but that's not always possible. Instead of making the Barry Allen from the pages of the comics, I used the comics and other material as inspiration and created my own. I did this with other heroes. I try to make it so Comic fans as well as audiences can understand.

Also I'm not sure it would be a big deal if Barry mentioned heaven. I've meant most people who aren't devouted Christians and they believe in a heaven and hell. I don't think it would be a big difference.

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Old 04-07-2013, 02:33 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by erehwon0 View Post
Hi! Welcome!

First off, I want to know whether you've had this story published or had intellectual properties taken care of. And to tell you how brave you are putting this up on the internet.

Second, I know this is just a treatment, but how far along have you gotten? Is this preview the end of the first act or the second? It also reads really sprawling, reads as if it cannot be just in one movie. Sound like the treatment ends somewhere in the hour thirty, hour forty five mark.

Third, I don't know whether you've kept part of the of your story out of that preview, fair enough, but I do find a lot of things missing in it. If that was the case, then disregard this opinion.

I hope now that you've written a treatment for a movie like JL, you can understand how hard it is. People on this forum don't seem to realize this! You can now probably understand why they are going with just 5 members, whoever is currently writing it!

Overall, great effort!
Well first off I haven't had it published. I'm not 100% done with it yet. Based on the reaction and praise I have gotten from it I may try to do something with this.

I'm in the middle actually. I haven't worked on it in a while but I'm still reading and watching some films for inspirations and ideas.

What were some of the things you were missing I'm just wondering?

It is difficult but at the same time it's not. I knew going it I wanted to use either 6 or 7 members. I'm a big Martian Manhunter fan so I knew I wanted him in it without a doubt. The hardest part was probably Wonder Woman. Trying to figure out a way to get her out of the island. I know some people asked about Steve Trevors but I do have plans for him later on. Thanks for your input.

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Old 04-07-2013, 03:12 PM   #15
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

A few things:

I don't believe Barry Allen would compromise his identity so quickly. And he would not be kissing Batman's ass if Batman is a dick to him. They like each other and get along, sure, much better than Hal Jordan and Batman to say the very least, but I would pump the breaks on that a little. And most of the world should know who The Flash is, unless they want to keep his existence an urban legend because he moves so fast and hasn't really spoken or revealed himself to the media yet directly, even though his girlfriend/fiance/eventual wife, Iris West, is a tv reporter.

Also, Brainiac is a good choice for the villain here, I like that.

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right.

braniac is a supercomputer. clark wouldn't know where to start with it, but in the end, i want braniac to get his **** kicked in by clark.
For sure.

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Old 04-07-2013, 06:31 PM   #16
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The reason I'm having Barry as the youngest to so just how great he is. Barry is without a doubt the most mature and one of the most smartest of the League. Barry's intelligence only rivals Batman. I know most Comic Book fans want CBM's to be a direct adaption of the comics but that's not always possible. Instead of making the Barry Allen from the pages of the comics, I used the comics and other material as inspiration and created my own. I did this with other heroes. I try to make it so Comic fans as well as audiences can understand.
I have no problems with deviation, to an extent, I mean it's not like he's even massively younger, it's just if you did deviate to that extent, it'd be a mark against your story.

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Also I'm not sure it would be a big deal if Barry mentioned heaven. I've meant most people who aren't devouted Christians and they believe in a heaven and hell. I don't think it would be a big difference.
Not done in these kind of films though. Clark was raised in Kansas, so you'd expect him to be a staunch Christian, but there is no mention of any beliefs in the films. It's not warranted, unless the belief is something considered defunct (eg pagan gods, like Wonder Woman and Thor). It's not inkeeping with modern times, there's a reason that the only character who has mentioned their belief in a mainstream superhero movie was a character from the 40's (Avengers/Cap).

It would have the same effect if he just said he did it in her memory, and not sound as hokey.

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Old 04-07-2013, 06:54 PM   #17
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Not done in these kind of films though. Clark was raised in Kansas, so you'd expect him to be a staunch Christian, but there is no mention of any beliefs in the films. It's not warranted, unless the belief is something considered defunct (eg pagan gods, like Wonder Woman and Thor). It's not inkeeping with modern times, there's a reason that the only character who has mentioned their belief in a mainstream superhero movie was a character from the 40's (Avengers/Cap).

It would have the same effect if he just said he did it in her memory, and not sound as hokey.
I don't hate the line, I think it's a'ight, and just a'ight at that, but I don't see Bruce getting touched because someone mentions "heaven". Barry is from Fallville, Iowa, so he grew up with some midwestern values albeit probably not as much as Clark Kent did. I don't see him making a religious reference though, although I know people all the time who use the term "pray" and will say they "pray" something goes right or whatever but to them, and maybe unconsciously, it's just a figure of speech. They're not literally praying, most the time they're not even "real" believers. Just saying. I guess that's how that line gets by to me.


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Old 04-07-2013, 07:25 PM   #18
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A few things:

I don't believe Barry Allen would compromise his identity so quickly. And he would not be kissing Batman's ass if Batman is a dick to him. They like each other and get along, sure, much better than Hal Jordan and Batman to say the very least, but I would pump the breaks on that a little. And most of the world should know who The Flash is, unless they want to keep his existence an urban legend because he moves so fast and hasn't really spoken or revealed himself to the media yet directly, even though his girlfriend/fiance/eventual wife, Iris West, is a tv reporter.

Also, Brainiac is a good choice for the villain here, I like that.



For sure.
The thing is, Barry isn't compromising or revealing his identity to Batman. We all know Batman is an *******. A dick. He doesn't trust anybody. Now Barry has been Flash for a year in my while Batman has been around for 3 1/2 years.

My Batman is in a very dark and lonely place and Barry is trying to really reach out to him. After 2 years, Dick left as Robin and became Nightwing in Bludhaven. Barbara left Batgirl when Dick left Bruce. She really isn't Batgirl anymore. She is currently in college and sometimes helps Nightwing under the code name Oracle (no Killing Joke hasn't happened YET, it's just Barbara is helping Dick out without going out there, she will return as Batgirl some day). Bruce has Jason for about 6 months then Jason's death. Bruce has been on his own for that long.

Now Barry and Bruce are actually very similar than one who think. Realistically they are the 2 smartest members of the JLA. Also the both of them fight crime and protect cities. They also have that parent lost.

You know how Batman kind of trolls someone until they give them the information he wants, well Barry is doing that to Batman. Flash does talk to Batman about who is he. Barry trusts Batman without a doubt but he feels Batman doesn't respect him.

While in the cave, Barry mentions times he's heard Batman is in Central City (little references like Captain Cold got blueprints to Mr Freeze's gun and other easter eggs fans would love). Barry also mentions Dick and Jason. Not by name but Barry says he knows about the first Robin leaving and becoming Nightwing. He also said he knows about the second Robin's death at the Joker. This causes Batman grunting and a brief flashback showing how Jason died with Joker. Barry is simply wanting Bats to trust him. Barry got the info from Iris.

Barry also then asks him why or what happened for him to become who he is. Barry mentions how he became Flash and the lost of his mother. It's important to know that Batman stays silent with his back to Barry the whole time but the mother's death was the final nail in the coffin and Bruce realizes he can trust this guy really. Bruce then shows him who he is and takes off his mask and then Flash those the same.

I remember in one comic, Bruce said that "Barry is the man I wish I would become if my parents never died." Bruce and Barry are very, very simply but the only real differences is that Flash is a lighter character and Batman is darker.

Either way this scene can't possibily be worse than John Blake revealing he knew Bruce was Batman because of a smile

If you are a TDKR fan I kid but seriously it's better. I really want to show the connection between Batman and Flash and hope I do it. What are your thoughts knowing this?

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Old 04-07-2013, 07:53 PM   #19
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The thing is, Barry isn't compromising or revealing his identity to Batman. We all know Batman is an *******. A dick. He doesn't trust anybody. Now Barry has been Flash for a year in my while Batman has been around for 3 1/2 years.

My Batman is in a very dark and lonely place and Barry is trying to really reach out to him. After 2 years, Dick left as Robin and became Nightwing in Bludhaven. Barbara left Batgirl when Dick left Bruce. She really isn't Batgirl anymore. She is currently in college and sometimes helps Nightwing under the code name Oracle (no Killing Joke hasn't happened YET, it's just Barbara is helping Dick out without going out there, she will return as Batgirl some day). Bruce has Jason for about 6 months then Jason's death. Bruce has been on his own for that long.
Oh yeah, I read all that. I get where you've got Batman.

Quote:
Now Barry and Bruce are actually very similar than one who think. Realistically they are the 2 smartest members of the JLA. Also the both of them fight crime and protect cities. They also have that parent lost.
I see the similarities there, and Bruce and Barry would chat about forensics after JLA meetings in the comics.

Quote:
You know how Batman kind of trolls someone until they give them the information he wants, well Barry is doing that to Batman. Flash does talk to Batman about who is he. Barry trusts Batman without a doubt but he feels Batman doesn't respect him.

While in the cave, Barry mentions times he's heard Batman is in Central City (little references like Captain Cold got blueprints to Mr Freeze's gun and other easter eggs fans would love). Barry also mentions Dick and Jason. Not by name but Barry says he knows about the first Robin leaving and becoming Nightwing. He also said he knows about the second Robin's death at the Joker. This causes Batman grunting and a brief flashback showing how Jason died with Joker. Barry is simply wanting Bats to trust him. Barry got the info from Iris.
I think Barry getting the info on his own is kind of better or maybe Iris helps. I think The Flash would stay up to date on things (not that Iris couldn't or wouldn't help but you get what I mean). And Captain Cold was around before Mr Freeze, I don't think he'd want Mr Freeze's gun.

I think because of exposure to most people it's "Mr Freeze > Captain Cold". when it should really be "Captain Cold > Mr Freeze". I love animated Mr Freeze though.

Quote:
Barry also then asks him why or what happened for him to become who he is. Barry mentions how he became Flash and the lost of his mother. It's important to know that Batman stays silent with his back to Barry the whole time but the mother's death was the final nail in the coffin and Bruce realizes he can trust this guy really. Bruce then shows him who he is and takes off his mask and then Flash those the same.
I mean I could see it working, there's just something about it I can't quite put my finger on though. Idk what it is. It will probably hit me after I eat something then I'll come back and be like "oh, it was this!", haha. But overall I like most of what you have here so far, keep it up. :

Oh and welcome to the hype, btw.

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I remember in one comic, Bruce said that "Barry is the man I wish I would become if my parents never died." Bruce and Barry are very, very simply but the only real differences is that Flash is a lighter character and Batman is darker.
Yeah that's in the Alex Ross' Justice series I think. Good stuff, and true.

Quote:
Either way this scene can't possibily be worse than John Blake revealing he knew Bruce was Batman because of a smile

If you are a TDKR fan I kid but seriously it's better. I really want to show the connection between Batman and Flash and hope I do it. What are your thoughts knowing this?
Dude, it's definitely better than that. I would not use that as a means to measure things though haha, it was pretty awful. I hated that part, lol. Blake had been in the same room as Bruce like once as a kid, and had never seen Batman in person before. There is no way he knows, especially when Commissioner Gordon doesn't. I was half hoping that Blake could have been the kid from Begins he tossed that gadget to, the one who said nobody believed him about Batman, that would have been better, but still, I thought that whole idea was all around pretty bad. Nevertheless, got to strive for better than that with "our" writings. lol


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Old 04-08-2013, 06:54 AM   #20
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

Hi! You asked me what I thought was missing from your treatment and I am here to give my opinions on those things. Mind you these are just the things I find missing, you might not feel like they are. Ultimately its your story and I'm just giving my opinions about it.

Here goes:

Why are the Martians on Saturn? Its a big question. Also Saturn is a gas giant from what I can remember, unless they are on a cloud city like the one in Star Wars.

I suggest not using Hal as the Lantern, but Abin Sur, his predecessor. Timing could be that the Martians were already a technologically mature and advanced society that Brainiac would go for. Maybe Earth was still in the early 20th century when Brainiac attacked, that's why he didn't go for Earth after decimating Mars. You could have Hal say that he had read the case files of Abin Sur and it was one of his biggest failures. You could even have Hal say that he never looked into it because it was a closed case and never "believed" Martians existed. Also surviving Martians have spread across the galaxy.

At first I was going to object with Brainiac going after Atlantis and Themyscira, but after thinking about it, I say go for it. You could say that both of them are more technological advanced than the rest of the world. Although in my opinion Themyscira exist in another dimension, magic could be explained as science that has not been explained yet!

I sort of have a problem with Superman and Wonder Woman's first meeting but I won't touch that.

Barry and Iris. Nice touch!

Batman and Bullock great! Although I would've liked it to be Flash and Green Lantern, you could always have them already as buddies. Barry just needed Batman to trust him in that moment and also to convince Batman to not go solo this time.

I think its not so much as something being missing, but maybe something to do with pacing? Have you taken a screenwriting course? I think writing comic books comes as close to writing a screenplay as they are both a visual medium.

I hope the different perspective helps!

Good Luck!

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Old 04-08-2013, 09:26 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by erehwon0 View Post
Hi! You asked me what I thought was missing from your treatment and I am here to give my opinions on those things. Mind you these are just the things I find missing, you might not feel like they are. Ultimately its your story and I'm just giving my opinions about it.

Here goes:

Why are the Martians on Saturn? Its a big question. Also Saturn is a gas giant from what I can remember, unless they are on a cloud city like the one in Star Wars.
Ever hear of the Saturnians? Probably not, they're obscure, but they're tied with the Martians. I'm not 100% sure I'll use Saturn. Maybe a moon of Saturn's but I still have to think it out.

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I suggest not using Hal as the Lantern, but Abin Sur, his predecessor. Timing could be that the Martians were already a technologically mature and advanced society that Brainiac would go for. Maybe Earth was still in the early 20th century when Brainiac attacked, that's why he didn't go for Earth after decimating Mars. You could have Hal say that he had read the case files of Abin Sur and it was one of his biggest failures. You could even have Hal say that he never looked into it because it was a closed case and never "believed" Martians existed. Also surviving Martians have spread across the galaxy.
I really actually like that. I thought about maybe Hal being the one blamed for Martians death but that's not bad.

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At first I was going to object with Brainiac going after Atlantis and Themyscira, but after thinking about it, I say go for it. You could say that both of them are more technological advanced than the rest of the world. Although in my opinion Themyscira exist in another dimension, magic could be explained as science that has not been explained yet!
Thanks

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I sort of have a problem with Superman and Wonder Woman's first meeting but I won't touch that.
Superman has never met Wonder Woman. Superman save DONNA Prince not DIANA Prince. DIANA is Wonder Woman. Donna is Wonder Girl. It's a nice little easter egg nod.

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Barry and Iris. Nice touch!
Thanks

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Originally Posted by erehwon0 View Post
Batman and Bullock great! Although I would've liked it to be Flash and Green Lantern, you could always have them already as buddies. Barry just needed Batman to trust him in that moment and also to convince Batman to not go solo this time.
I knew going in I wanted a little Bullock cameo somewhere. He is one of my favorite Batman characters. So when I thought of Flash coming to Gotham, why not Bullock be's the first guy he meets?

Hal and Barry are good buddies, don't worry about that.

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Originally Posted by erehwon0 View Post
I think its not so much as something being missing, but maybe something to do with pacing? Have you taken a screenwriting course? I think writing comic books comes as close to writing a screenplay as they are both a visual medium.

I hope the different perspective helps!

Good Luck!
I have taken writing classes but not screenwriting classes. This is really my first true original screenplay. I may take some classes but can't yet. I will try to work on some of the pacing of the story so it's not going to fast or to slow.

Thanks for your thoughts.

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Old 04-08-2013, 09:36 AM   #22
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Its kind of better or maybe Iris helps. I think The Flash would stay up to date on things (not that Iris couldn't or wouldn't help but you get what I mean). And Captain Cold was around before Mr Freeze, I don't think he'd want Mr Freeze's gun.

I think because of exposure to most people it's "Mr Freeze > Captain Cold". when it should really be "Captain Cold > Mr Freeze". I love animated Mr Freeze though.
Barry does it some info from Iris but he figures a lot out himself.

I know that after Barry tells him about his mom, Batman turns around a looks at Barry and Barry will ask again who are you? I know you must have money to afford this things. Are you Thomas Elliot (little easter egg, not yet Hush) or maybe you're an ex-employee of Cobblepot and you stole his money to fight him and crime in Gotham.

Then we have the reveal of Bruce and Barry said he never would have thought this was Bruce Wayne. While most of us are like "c'mon it's Bruce Wayne as Batman" in the comics how would you know? Bruce Wayne is always the guy at the parties and charities with a beautiful girl around his arm acting like life is good when it's not.

Bruce also asks Barry how did you figure some of it out, you must have had some help. Barry replies I have my sources and then Bruce says Iris West? Barry is like how did you know and Batman shows him TV news with Iris West of Flash saving her from situations about a dozen times. It's more of a comic relief scene you know?

Well I'm more of a Mr Freeze fan. He is my favorite Batman villain. I mainly choose him due to the ICE theme between him and Captain Cold but I will probably think of something better.

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I mean I could see it working, there's just something about it I can't quite put my finger on though. Idk what it is. It will probably hit me after I eat something then I'll come back and be like "oh, it was this!", haha. But overall I like most of what you have here so far, keep it up. :

Oh and welcome to the hype, btw.
Whenever you figure it out, I would love to know. Also thanks.

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Dude, it's definitely better than that. I would not use that as a means to measure things though haha, it was pretty awful. I hated that part, lol. Blake had been in the same room as Bruce like once as a kid, and had never seen Batman in person before. There is no way he knows, especially when Commissioner Gordon doesn't. I was half hoping that Blake could have been the kid from Begins he tossed that gadget to, the one who said nobody believed him about Batman, that would have been better, but still, I thought that whole idea was all around pretty bad. Nevertheless, got to strive for better than that with "our" writings. lol
I was like, why couldn't you just use the kid? I liked TDKR and compared it to Return of the Jedi because there are a lot of things in ROTJ that were done in ANH like there were things in TDKR that was done in BB. Like the 2nd Death Star and then the League of Shadows taking over Gotham again.

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Old 04-08-2013, 12:27 PM   #23
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Barry does it some info from Iris but he figures a lot out himself.

I know that after Barry tells him about his mom, Batman turns around a looks at Barry and Barry will ask again who are you? I know you must have money to afford this things. Are you Thomas Elliot (little easter egg, not yet Hush) or maybe you're an ex-employee of Cobblepot and you stole his money to fight him and crime in Gotham.

Then we have the reveal of Bruce and Barry said he never would have thought this was Bruce Wayne. While most of us are like "c'mon it's Bruce Wayne as Batman" in the comics how would you know? Bruce Wayne is always the guy at the parties and charities with a beautiful girl around his arm acting like life is good when it's not.

Bruce also asks Barry how did you figure some of it out, you must have had some help. Barry replies I have my sources and then Bruce says Iris West? Barry is like how did you know and Batman shows him TV news with Iris West of Flash saving her from situations about a dozen times. It's more of a comic relief scene you know?
Gotta give Barry more credit. Have Batman think he figured it out on his own, and can't play the Barry/Iris relationship for laughs. Batman should not deduce anything about Barry's life because he hasn't interacted with him much and can't "track" him (or at the very least hasn't made an effort to). If Barry really wanted to know who Bruce was, he'd zip around the batcave faster than it took anyone to even realize he did this and deduce he was Bruce Wayne before he even knew he was there. lol. Then maybe come back and talk about it a little "shocked" to him.

Quote:
I was like, why couldn't you just use the kid? I liked TDKR and compared it to Return of the Jedi because there are a lot of things in ROTJ that were done in ANH like there were things in TDKR that was done in BB. Like the 2nd Death Star and then the League of Shadows taking over Gotham again.
I definitely get what you mean man. Although I think ROTJ > TDKR, times 100 haha. I'm thinking Iron Man 3 may have some elements in it similar to the first film but idk for sure yet or if it will be to the extent those other films did.......we'll see.


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Old 04-09-2013, 02:33 PM   #24
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

This is kind of sad, but the biggest problem I had with your story here is the use of Saturn. Saturn is a gas planet meaning there isn't solid ground to build a city on... You could make it one of Saturn's moons or even an asteroid in Saturn's belt. But physically on the planet is a tougher sell.

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Old 04-10-2013, 10:09 AM   #25
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Default Re: My Justice League Screenplay

I enjoyed this pitch for a JLA movie. I was definitely thinking Brainiac would be perfect for a first JLA movie. It is just different enough to set itself apart from Avengers. What I think it needs:

More female superheroes
Hints that a much larger world of heroes exist
Possible cameos/appearances of other heroes e.g. Shazam/Captain Marvel, Hawkman etc

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