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Old 03-24-2008, 06:04 PM   #126
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Default Re: Batman Triumphant

i dont see a problem with the dialogue, its robin and batgirl talking like that, they're the ''jokers'', so i can handle it, as long as Batman isnt talking like that. The story itself is pretty good. For some odd reason, while im reading this, it reminds me of a live action version of that one TNBA episode with scarecrow that batgirl ''dies'' etc.

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Old 03-25-2008, 06:00 PM   #127
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Quote:
I got 6 pages into that script before I stopped. Almost as bad as B & R in terms of dialog.
Not sure how you could make that call after six pages. Most of the truly cheesy/bad dialogue doesn't show up until page 12 or so.

I cowrote this with a friend. BATMAN TRIUMPHANT is the first "serious" script attempt I ever made. I'm sure that issues with pacing, etc, will stick out like a sore thumb, and I had yet to master the screenplay.

That said, I am aware that the dialogue in the beginning, especially those first few pages, is awful, cheesy, etc. There's a bit of tongue in cheek, and that was very much intentional. Trust me, they don't talk like that throughout, and they actually get pretty serious later on. I wanted to show that, over the last few years, since BATMAN & ROBIN, Gotham had faced nothing but wannabe supervillains (There are references to Killer Moth, Catman, King Tut, The Clock King and Egghead in the script), and that The Bat-Family had become a superhero response team of sorts. The appearance of The Scarecrow represented the end of the lighthearted times, and the beginning of new conflict. The script is based on my own ideas about where the franchise (the current franchise with BATMAN & ROBIN) should have gone had it not died, and it incorporates some of the "rumors" and "fanboy wishing" into it.

My goal was to continune the franchise's storylines, but return it to it's darker roots, without completely ignoring the events of lightheartedness of the previous two films. I wanted to present characters people could relate to and grow attached to, and I wanted to evolve several of them, and gradually return to the dark, grim world of Burton's Batman (similar to the way the comic Batmythology evolved from dark to lighter and back to dark), while at the same time, moving toward the comic books as an influence. I introduced several "new" characters in the script, an older, movie version of the GCPD's Harvey Bullock among them.

Ironically, this script opens with a bank robbery, a la THE DARK KNIGHT. It isn't brilliant, but it's got flashbacks to The Joker, Harvey Dent, Dick quitting being Robin and even Chase Meridian and the final fate of Gossip Gerty. Give it 30 pages. If you still hate it, feel free to hate it. If nothing else, you will love Gossip Gerty's role in the end.

Until it was decided for the series to be restarted, everyone thought that there was hope for the series after B&R came out if they released a film returning Batman to his dark roots...

If there was such a film...this would be its screenplay. It provides a nice gradual transition from the B&R-like days to the atmosphere we had in the first film that started it all.

All the characters seem to evolve from campy caricatures to their comic book counterparts.

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Old 03-25-2008, 06:13 PM   #128
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The Guard- So far, i think its really good, so thanks for writing it its one of the few fan scripts im actually able to sit through and read

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Old 03-25-2008, 08:06 PM   #129
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If you like that one, I did a sequel to it, THE DARK KNIGHT featuring Ra's Al Ghul, and a Batman origin story called BATMAN: GENESIS that's on the same site.

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Old 03-25-2008, 08:18 PM   #130
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Cool , ill probably read those after i finish this one.

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Old 03-25-2008, 11:42 PM   #131
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Originally Posted by The Guard View Post
Not sure how you could make that call after six pages. Most of the truly cheesy/bad dialogue doesn't show up until page 12 or so.

I cowrote this with a friend. BATMAN TRIUMPHANT is the first "serious" script attempt I ever made. I'm sure that issues with pacing, etc, will stick out like a sore thumb, and I had yet to master the screenplay.

That said, I am aware that the dialogue in the beginning, especially those first few pages, is awful, cheesy, etc. There's a bit of tongue in cheek, and that was very much intentional. Trust me, they don't talk like that throughout, and they actually get pretty serious later on. I wanted to show that, over the last few years, since BATMAN & ROBIN, Gotham had faced nothing but wannabe supervillains (There are references to Killer Moth, Catman, King Tut, The Clock King and Egghead in the script), and that The Bat-Family had become a superhero response team of sorts. The appearance of The Scarecrow represented the end of the lighthearted times, and the beginning of new conflict. The script is based on my own ideas about where the franchise (the current franchise with BATMAN & ROBIN) should have gone had it not died, and it incorporates some of the "rumors" and "fanboy wishing" into it.

My goal was to continune the franchise's storylines, but return it to it's darker roots, without completely ignoring the events of lightheartedness of the previous two films. I wanted to present characters people could relate to and grow attached to, and I wanted to evolve several of them, and gradually return to the dark, grim world of Burton's Batman (similar to the way the comic Batmythology evolved from dark to lighter and back to dark), while at the same time, moving toward the comic books as an influence. I introduced several "new" characters in the script, an older, movie version of the GCPD's Harvey Bullock among them.

Ironically, this script opens with a bank robbery, a la THE DARK KNIGHT. It isn't brilliant, but it's got flashbacks to The Joker, Harvey Dent, Dick quitting being Robin and even Chase Meridian and the final fate of Gossip Gerty. Give it 30 pages. If you still hate it, feel free to hate it. If nothing else, you will love Gossip Gerty's role in the end.

Until it was decided for the series to be restarted, everyone thought that there was hope for the series after B&R came out if they released a film returning Batman to his dark roots...

If there was such a film...this would be its screenplay. It provides a nice gradual transition from the B&R-like days to the atmosphere we had in the first film that started it all.

All the characters seem to evolve from campy caricatures to their comic book counterparts.
Sorry for coming off like a dick. Good luck with it man. I'm writing a screenplay too. Sometimes it's hard to write dialog that sounds good, I know I have trouble. I'll give it another shot later. Promise.

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Old 03-26-2008, 12:02 PM   #132
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You didn't come off like a dick. I'm just pointing out...it's supposed to be cheesy as hell. At first.

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Old 03-26-2008, 05:58 PM   #133
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Well, i think those cheesey remarks fit well in those few parts, and it is nice to have hints at other villians

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Old 03-26-2008, 06:13 PM   #134
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I think my favorite cheesy line of the script is:

BATGIRL
Nice outfit.

ROBIN
At least we got rid of the nipples.

BATGIRL
I liked them.

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Old 03-26-2008, 06:59 PM   #135
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Guard, where can I see the script/screenplay?

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Old 03-26-2008, 08:02 PM   #136
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Check above, there's a link to it in post #122. It's not the real TRIUMPHANT script, it's one I wrote a long time ago.

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Old 03-26-2008, 08:34 PM   #137
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Ok, thanks.

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Old 03-27-2008, 03:20 PM   #138
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Guard read both of your story. still have to read Genesis. but, areyou doing a sequel to Dark Knight and will the partnership be more at the forefront this time. cos you seem to be comfortable with Batman being solo

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Old 03-27-2008, 05:07 PM   #139
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Guard View Post
I think my favorite cheesy line of the script is:

BATGIRL
Nice outfit.

ROBIN
At least we got rid of the nipples.

BATGIRL
I liked them.
I actually really like that line!

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Old 03-27-2008, 05:25 PM   #140
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yeah i did. I mean, it established that tehy were in relationship and was kind a thing a couple would say.

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Old 03-27-2008, 06:03 PM   #141
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Guard read both of your story. still have to read Genesis. but, areyou doing a sequel to Dark Knight and will the partnership be more at the forefront this time. cos you seem to be comfortable with Batman being solo
When you say sequel to DARK KNIGHT, are you talking about the script that has Ra's Al Ghul, Talia, Batgirl, the introduction of Nightwing and Tim Drake? My goal was to show that while Batman was a loner, he would need allies from time to time. I won't be writing sequels, period. I wrote these back in 2002 or so, when I was first starting to write, and have since moved on to other projects. I did start writing a sequel to BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT called BATMAN: THE SHADOW OF THE BAT that featured Batman working to train Tim Drake as the new Robin. They tangled with Clayface in the beginning (turned out to be a simulation), and the villain was Hugo Strange. Nightwing and Batgirl went off on their own, although they did have a role in the story.

I don't mind Batman working with Robin, and I actually rather enjoy writing that dynamic. After SHADOW OF THE BAT it would have been BATMAN AND SUPERMAN. I kicked around a ROBIN script that featured Anarky and The Spoiler, but only wrote about half that one.

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Old 03-27-2008, 06:52 PM   #142
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i actually maniped that logo for my Batman Beyond / Venom crossover fan fic. It's pretty cool honestly.

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Old 03-28-2008, 01:35 PM   #143
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Woah, this thread has been resurected!

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Old 08-07-2014, 08:30 AM   #144
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If this was made and came out around the same time Superman Lives would have been released I wonder if WB would have done a Batman/Superman movie. Highly doubtful, but that would have been interesting. If those movies were made the world of Comic Book Movies would not be the same. We could be getting a Batman reboot this year if they made more films in the Burton/Schumacher series.

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Old 08-12-2014, 08:55 AM   #145
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I have read the script, and it because of the critical reception of Batman And Robin they had decided to go back to the dark roots with this one. The tone is somewhat a mixture between Batman Forever and Batman 89.

But I feel despite this step in the right direction it wasn't that great, so I am glad it was never made.

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