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Old 06-15-2009, 02:18 AM   #1
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Default 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

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****DISCLAIMER**** This article is for entertainment purposes only! So don't take it seriously. Wink

I hated the first Transformers movie. Hated it. I thought it was two hours of Michael Bay telling the audience that they were retarded. Everyone in it was a comedian, the robot action was a total headache, you couldn't tell what was going on, the plot made zero sense, and the acting sucked. Combined with more explosions than the bombing of Iraq with Michael Bay's patented swooping camera shots, the film was a chore to watch from beginning to end.

That said, I'm really, really, really, looking forward to the sequel. The robots looks better, there's more of them, and the writers have had a chance to settle in with the characters and give the fans more robot action. I haven't read any of the reader reviews from the screenings so I have no clue if the general consensus has been good or bad. I have read the comic book adaptation, and while it wasn't the most logical story I've ever read, it's a comic book adaptation and a lot is lost in the translation from screen to page and vice versa.

So let's take a good 'ol fashioned El Guapo look at 5 reasons why Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will suck. And 5 reasons why it won't. Read the points, see the movie, and decide for yourself later this month. I'm seeing it next week and of course, if I hate it, I won't hold back in my review. But if I like it, you can bet your ass I'll recommend it. Now, I'm trying to steer clear of my own personal opinion for the reasons listed below. I just want to give a balanced (and twisted) look at each side.

I have no idea if another writer has done this type of list for Revenge of the Fallen yet, and if they have, then I apologize in advance for seeming to rip off their idea. They can also go f themselves right after I apologize.

Why it will kick ass.

1. Michael Bay

If it's one thing this man can do, it's action. Bay has been serving up a hot plate of boom since 1995's Bad Boys. Ever since, he's been a non stop juggernaut that makes sure the summer audience gets what they want - a movie filled with the most ear shattering early labor inducing explosions that leave men wanting more and kids wanting to go out and blow up their parent's house once the film is over.

With Transformers, he not only delivered the most action packed film of 2007, he delivered it in a way that left Transformers fans having nerdgasms in their seats from the pulse pounding robot action they witnessed on screen. No Country For Old Men winning Best Picture? Screw you academy. That award should have gone to Transformers. So why should fans expect any different from the sequel? With more robots, more money, and the freedom to do what he wants, including shooting at the pyramids, Bay is going to open a can of whoop ass so big we won't be able to sit down for weeks.

2. Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

The dynamic duo of screenwriters have been working together for over ten years and both know what the audience wants: action, humor, action and more action. The writers of this year's blockbuster Star Trek, and the original team behind the first Transformers film return to give fans more Optimus, more Megatron, more robots and more destruction. Splashed with humor and suspense, the Transformers sequel will be in safe hands with these guys.

3. Steve Jablonsky

Since the late 90's, Steve Jablonsky has been composing music for television, video games (like Gears of War 2) and movies. If it involves action, he knows just the right tone and mood to set for each scene. From Metal Gear Solid to the Friday the 13th remake, he's been one of the most successful film composers in years which is why Bay uses him for a movie as big as Transformers. He can do it all, from horror to games to robots beating the piss out of each other. Composers don't get enough credit, but he's one of the trendsetters in the business making sure that they get the recognition they deserve. For the sequel, expect a bigger and more grandiose score to highlight each exciting scene.

4. The Transformers

Perhaps the biggest thing that made Transformers the success it was wasn't the actors, the screenplay or the director. It was the robots themselves, brought to life by the magic of CGI. Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumblebee, Starscream and the others lept from their tiny cartoon existence to do battle on the big screen and battle they did. From fighting on the freeway to destroying the city block you enjoyed walking down, these bigger than life representations of the toys we grew up loving to play with delivered and then some. And when they went into robot mode, you knew **** was going down. So it's with no surprise that Transformers 2 ups the ante with even bigger robots like Devastator, to deadlier ones like The Fallen. Fans will be in for a real treat when they first lay eyes on what Bay and company have in store for them.

5. Megan Fox and Shia Labeouf

Eye candy just got sweeter with the introduction of cinema's new sexy superstar, Megan Fox. When she appeared in Transformers, millions of boys (and grown men) found themselves a new dream girl. With her sultry looks and rock hard body, Megan Fox is now Hollywood's hottest property. Starring alongside the sensational Shia Labeouf, these two have now had time to work on their chemistry even more for the sequel. Fans will no doubt be relishing more shots of Megan in skimpy outfits while the girls will have plenty of Shia to tide them over. For the sequel, expect these two to be even more involved in the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons. They're the glue that holds this whole thing together.

Why it will suck.

5. Megan Fox and Shia Labeouf

For God's sake, audiences have had enough of these two retards, and they've only been in one movie together. Trix the Rabbit is a better actor than Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf has relied on his 'flustered' look for far too long. Neither one of them can deliver a line with any sort of sincerity, and they don't even look like they belong together. They had zero chemistry in the original and it will probably be the same for the sequel. Everytime Megan shows up on screen guys have to go get checked for STD's and Shia is so overrated that audiences are sick of looking at his ****face. Expect these two to meander their way through another movie.

4. The Transformers

"Jesus Christ, what the **** is going on?" was blurted that out about eight times during the first Transformers and I'm sure with even more robots in the sequel, the mess will continue. With every Decepticon a boring silver color, expect the confusion factor to multiply as you try and figure out who the hell is fighting who in Revenge of the Fallen. Some of the robots also seem to be ethnic stereotypical douchebags, relying on slang that not only has no place in these movies, but makes you laugh at how idiotic it sounds coming from a robot. Not to mention that the tiny robots are all trying to act like Abbot & Costello. We know it's based off of a cartoon and toy line, but give us something better than, "Whut up, playa?" for the sequel. Please?

3. Steve Jablonsky

Wait, is it Jablonsky or Jabroni? Steve has managed to compose some of the most generic ******** ever heard in video games, television and movies. People can always expect a military march everytime a helicopter comes on screen with Steve behind the music. Steve simply presses, "Default Score 1" for every movie he does and the Transformers sequel will be no different. Expect more of the same **** you heard in the first movie. Sell your Casio keyboard you hack. You're fired.

2. Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman

Screenplays For Dummies is obviously a success and these two have been taking the formula for stupid to a whole new level every year. The first Transformers made zero sense, Star Trek had so many plot holes they told you to read the comic books to get your answers (huh???). Don't expect Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to be any different. Alex and Roberto will no doubt make sure the stupid humor, confusing action sequences, forced drama, and idiotic storyline stay intact. Heaven forbid they put any effort into it. After all, those big, shiny robots will just cover up the flaws in the script, won't they? Pull the string on their life story and the cow says, "Boooooo..."

1. Michael Bay

Perhaps the most overrated director in Hollywood, Michael Bay does one thing good, and that's saying "Action!" while the explosive guys press a button. He can't direct actors to save his life and he swoops and sweeps the camera so much fighter pilots get nauseated. When he realized he went to work on each movie with only one tool in his toolbox he said, "**** it, I'm not bothering to go buy more tools." Should we expect anything different from the sequel? He'll blow stuff up, we won't be able to tell what's going on, and he'll pat himself on the back for being such a genius. Michael Bay is one of the reasons movies have changed from intelligent, thoughtful pieces of art, to loud, obnoxious, face palming pieces of ****.

(Remember, I made points for each side, so if you're only focusing on the 'why it will suck' part, then you haven't read the whole thing.)
http://www.latinoreview.com/news/5-r...-it-won-t-7138

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Old 06-15-2009, 06:27 AM   #2
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Please, please, please, let it bomb!
So Cameron can pick it up and give us The Transformers Generation One

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Old 06-15-2009, 06:42 AM   #3
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

that was funny

something many people don't understand is this is one movie that is "hated" and loved for the same reasons

except from different perspectives

very interesting

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Old 06-15-2009, 03:21 PM   #4
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

I agree. A fun article.

It effectively captures the schizophrenic dichotomy of the TF movie franchise and its love-it-or-hate-it qualities.

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Old 06-15-2009, 03:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

I would have taken a rather Batman Begins-ish approach with Transformers.
Action and Thought... good mix of both...

I don't care if it's a kids show. Batman was a kids comic book.

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Old 06-16-2009, 01:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

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Originally Posted by luca_frontino View Post
Please, please, please, let it bomb!
So Cameron can pick it up and give us The Transformers Generation One
Cameron's not a Godsend; am I the only one in here that thinks that???

And what a lame title for a movie.

Plus...I think Bay was the right choice for Transformers; granted Michael Bay knows **** about storytelling, but then again, these movies should be all about giant robots, and they are. Sure the first one had no big TF action until sixty minutes in, but that was for budget purposes.

For Transformers, story is last on the list, imo. It's not meant to be in the same category of The Dark Knight.

And also, it won't bomb. So far, it's been getting mixed to positive reviews, much like the first film.

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Old 06-16-2009, 06:41 AM   #7
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

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Originally Posted by luca_frontino View Post
Please, please, please, let it bomb!
So Cameron can pick it up and give us The Transformers Generation One
it's actually because of bay that it does as well as it does

(ahem GI JOE)

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Old 06-16-2009, 08:24 AM   #8
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

whats with people wanting generation one so bad the looks looked kinda powerangerish and the new models are better imo

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Old 06-16-2009, 10:41 AM   #9
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

That's because we didn't get a Michael Bay's Iron Man.
I bet if it was directed by him, the armors would have been disgusting, but people like you would have liked them anyway just because you just accept what they swallow in your mouths.


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Old 06-16-2009, 10:44 AM   #10
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

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Originally Posted by AnorexicBatman View Post
I would have taken a rather Batman Begins-ish approach with Transformers.
Action and Thought... good mix of both...

I don't care if it's a kids show. Batman was a kids comic book.
Prove it. Cuz almost every Batman comic made from the 80's till now is full on adult.

Oh and by the way....G1 would never ever work. Ever. I can assure you no one wants to see colorful boxes run around....

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Old 06-16-2009, 10:49 AM   #11
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Oh, and BTW, my problem with Bayformers doesn't lie just on the designs.
The characters, the jokes, the camera shakes and the plots are all crap.
The only thing I owe to Bay is his photography.

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Old 06-16-2009, 10:54 AM   #12
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

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I can assure you no one wants to see colorful boxes run around....
G1 can be worked out to look less boxy and more detailed:

And this is just a drawing.
I bet in ILM's CGI it would be wonderful.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:01 AM   #13
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Prime is the only cool G1 former...the rest are hidious. I hate them all.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:13 AM   #14
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

It's just a matter of work. With more details and darker textures, every G1 can look cool.
This is just an example of how much better G1 can look vs the animated series:

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:14 AM   #15
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

^ that's very good -- who made that ?

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:19 AM   #16
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

5. Megan Fox and Shia Labeouf

For God's sake, audiences have had enough of these two retards, and they've only been in one movie together. Trix the Rabbit is a better actor than Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf has relied on his 'flustered' look for far too long. Neither one of them can deliver a line with any sort of sincerity, and they don't even look like they belong together. They had zero chemistry in the original and it will probably be the same for the sequel. Everytime Megan shows up on screen guys have to go get checked for STD's and Shia is so overrated that audiences are sick of looking at his ****face. Expect these two to meander their way through another movie.



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Old 06-16-2009, 11:19 AM   #17
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

That's E. J. SU's artwork from IDW publishing.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:20 AM   #18
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Haaaaaate it. Actually...I hate all japanese style robots....gross.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:24 AM   #19
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Here's another one. Remember that I'm not saying this should be the final designs. You should take them as concept art.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:25 AM   #20
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Old 06-16-2009, 11:25 AM   #21
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

I like it. You can actually tell what the hell is going on.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:28 AM   #22
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Because they're pictures.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:30 AM   #23
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

:facepalm

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:31 AM   #24
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

And Klaus Scherwinski's also a good painter.

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Old 06-16-2009, 11:33 AM   #25
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Default Re: 5 Reasons Why Transformers ROTF Will Suck + 5 Reasons Why It Won't

Good art...but still hate it.

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