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Old 04-08-2016, 06:26 PM   #76
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

I agree and to be honest it's not necessary because I reckon even if I was in a committed closed relationship I would still have Grindr. It's a great way to know if there are any gays around which is often comforting, even if it's not a sex thing

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Old 04-08-2016, 07:41 PM   #77
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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I agree and to be honest it's not necessary because I reckon even if I was in a committed closed relationship I would still have Grindr. It's a great way to know if there are any gays around which is often comforting, even if it's not a sex thing
Exactly.

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Old 04-13-2016, 01:20 PM   #78
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Oh there's a stigma.. with those in relationships or those not. No one cares or judges you if you're single.. but the moment someone in a relationship is on GRINDR the immediate assumption is CHEATING or they have an open relationship...

and that all stems from the fact GRINDR itself has a stigma where people assume it's just for hooking up. My rule of thumb... anything social is and will always also be used for hooking up. This has been going on since AIM and Myspace days.. all the way into modern stuff like Facebook, Snap Chat, Instagram, Tinder, Grindr, etc.. all if it has and can be used for hooking up. These are online bars and clubs... you can go there for fun, you can go there with your friends, or you can go thee to take someone home... it's all what you make of it. The option for sex is ALWAYS still on the table...

What I consider a TRUE hookup app/site is one that advertises sex/Porn... and allows the user to show nudity in their profile picture. those are the main requirements imo.. people on those arn't really looking for friends.. (though ironically in LA i did meet alot of friends off of Adam4Adam... but that was before apps were around. And i was attracted to some of them and we just ended up being friends.. but still...

otherwise.. everything else is just basically a modern watering hole. full of all walks of life, high and low...
The issue is Facebook, Instagram etc expressed utility is not for dating or hookups. People can use it for that sure, but that's not what it's main purpose is for. Grindr and Tinder are hook up apps. If you are in a committed relationship whether straight or gay and you are using those apps I think it raises questions about how seriously you respect your relationship and or monogamy.

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Old 04-13-2016, 01:36 PM   #79
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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I agree and to be honest it's not necessary because I reckon even if I was in a committed closed relationship I would still have Grindr. It's a great way to know if there are any gays around which is often comforting, even if it's not a sex thing

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Old 04-13-2016, 01:53 PM   #80
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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The issue is Facebook, Instagram etc expressed utility is not for dating or hookups. People can use it for that sure, but that's not what it's main purpose is for. Grindr and Tinder are hook up apps. If you are in a committed relationship whether straight or gay and you are using those apps I think it raises questions about how seriously you respect your relationship and or monogamy.
^^^ladies and gentleman... this is exactly the stigma i was talking about...

opinions like this actually don't speak volumes about people who use grindr, but actually speak volumes about those with such opinions.. either you're incredibly insecure, or you yourself only use such applications for sex.

hate to break it to you but i'd wager it's about 50/50 on my grindr experiences on who's after what. The sex-addicts just speak louder.

my bar analogy is spot on... some go for friends, some go for fun, some go to take someone home

Facebook is more like meeting someone in a group setting with your friends, or a classroom, etc...

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Old 04-13-2016, 01:58 PM   #81
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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a sense of community for sure, especially if you don't live in an area with many...

I don't think people realize outside of big cities how hard it is to make gay friends in small communities, especially when you're introverted and not an "out-doorsy" type.

and i'm sorry but unless they're very distant it's awfully weird to randomly message or friend request a friend of a friend to try to become friends having never met said person.. on facebook.

there's nothing wrong with being in a relationship and both of you wanting gay friends or couples to go out with .. and its not easy to find or do if you're not part of a scene already.

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Old 04-14-2016, 12:01 AM   #82
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^^^ladies and gentleman... this is exactly the stigma i was talking about...

opinions like this actually don't speak volumes about people who use grindr, but actually speak volumes about those with such opinions.. either you're incredibly insecure, or you yourself only use such applications for sex.

hate to break it to you but i'd wager it's about 50/50 on my grindr experiences on who's after what. The sex-addicts just speak louder.

my bar analogy is spot on... some go for friends, some go for fun, some go to take someone home

Facebook is more like meeting someone in a group setting with your friends, or a classroom, etc...
What would I be insecure about? I don't use hook up apps, not my thing if other people want to use them go ahead. That being said if you are in a committed relationship...it just doesn't seem to be very respectful to your relationship or your partner. To use your bar analogy it's like going to a bar and having a wandering eye. It's like going to a strip club and saying you are only going there for the food.

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Old 04-14-2016, 12:34 AM   #83
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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What would I be insecure about? I don't use hook up apps, not my thing if other people want to use them go ahead. That being said if you are in a committed relationship...it just doesn't seem to be very respectful to your relationship or your partner. To use your bar analogy it's like going to a bar and having a wandering eye. It's like going to a strip club and saying you are only going there for the food.
Except when you go to a bar with said partner ???

There's also nothing wrong with a wandering eye... just a wandering heart and penis.. that's when there's a problem. It's kinda unrealistic for a human being to only find Thier partner attractive... my partner and I freely point out guys we think are attractive.. we just arnt meeting them alone, or trying to get into bed with them. Things are only unhealthy if there's no trust

My fiance and I both use grindr.. but again, for friends. I trust my partner and he trust me. We said "yes" to each other, trust each other, and just genuinely want more gay friends.. we literally have none where we live. There's nothing wrong with trying to find them and using what resources we can.

Nor do you have any room to project judgement on those who do.




It'd be a completely different story if we were going to bars alone... or didn't know the other was on grindr and had no idea why.

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Old 04-14-2016, 10:48 AM   #84
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Except when you go to a bar with said partner ???

There's also nothing wrong with a wandering eye... just a wandering heart and penis.. that's when there's a problem. It's kinda unrealistic for a human being to only find Thier partner attractive... my partner and I freely point out guys we think are attractive.. we just arnt meeting them alone, or trying to get into bed with them. Things are only unhealthy if there's no trust

My fiance and I both use grindr.. but again, for friends. I trust my partner and he trust me. We said "yes" to each other, trust each other, and just genuinely want more gay friends.. we literally have none where we live. There's nothing wrong with trying to find them and using what resources we can.

Nor do you have any room to project judgement on those who do.




It'd be a completely different story if we were going to bars alone... or didn't know the other was on grindr and had no idea why.
It's playing with fire is all.

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Old 04-14-2016, 11:32 AM   #85
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It's playing with fire is all.
not if you have a stable, trustworthy, strong relationship.

you're basically saying "if you're in a relationship you can't have gay friends"

that's like telling a straight girl she can't have a male friend or straight guy he can't have a female friend.

the only way any of this is a problem at all is if you

1) don't trust your partner
2) don't trust yourself
3) are the jealous type
4) have poor communication are not honest with your partner, and are behaving in a way that is behind his/her back that would upset them.

and if you're any of those things.. you shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with...

that's what's important to a relationship. you're not playing with fire if you don't have any temptation to begin with, and we have no temptation to be with anyone else.

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Old 04-14-2016, 12:20 PM   #86
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

I don't have a grindr account, but I think maybe for the sake of one's relationship, if you continue to keep your account open when you're in a stable relationship, you should be casually disclosing it at some point. Having the partner discover that accidentally in the future just causes problems, and it's not a gay thing, I can imagine a straight couple having the same ****storm come up if one of them still has a tinder account open.

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Old 04-14-2016, 02:07 PM   #87
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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I don't have a grindr account, but I think maybe for the sake of one's relationship, if you continue to keep your account open when you're in a stable relationship, you should be casually disclosing it at some point. Having the partner discover that accidentally in the future just causes problems, and it's not a gay thing, I can imagine a straight couple having the same ****storm come up if one of them still has a tinder account open.
oh totally.. thus why you communicate. it's what healthy relationships do. as i said. WE are both on there.. and are looking for friends or another couple (who's just looking for friends) to hang out with. There's definitely other people like us on their as well...

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Old 04-15-2016, 09:37 AM   #88
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

Oh yeah you should definitely disclose that to your partner.

Anyway, it's nice having some non sexual gay friends. You'll be surprised how often you depend on them to say "is this ok? Am I doing this right?"

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Old 06-17-2016, 02:58 AM   #89
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How has everyone been?

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Old 06-17-2016, 11:21 AM   #90
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

still numb, to be honest

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Old 06-17-2016, 07:04 PM   #91
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I've been angry all week but I went to a vigil on Thursday and I kind of managed to get it all out of my system. I'm still angry but I know what to do now. It's good to be with your own kind

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Old 06-20-2016, 07:55 AM   #92
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

So it has been a while... but thought I would say I thank you all. Mostly private messages, etc, but the overall support was just .. I don't know... Great stuff everyone. My brother is living with a roommate in an apartment right now (I don't know if they are a thing but it's a positive step) and is using my place as a 'home base' I guess. Has a job and in school. Very proud of him and happy I reached out somewhat anonymously here.

It's a refreshing reminder to myself (and hopefully you) that there are still good people in the world.

Thanks again.

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Old 06-20-2016, 01:42 PM   #93
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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So it has been a while... but thought I would say I thank you all. Mostly private messages, etc, but the overall support was just .. I don't know... Great stuff everyone. My brother is living with a roommate in an apartment right now (I don't know if they are a thing but it's a positive step) and is using my place as a 'home base' I guess. Has a job and in school. Very proud of him and happy I reached out somewhat anonymously here.

It's a refreshing reminder to myself (and hopefully you) that there are still good people in the world.

Thanks again.

I am glad things worked out.

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Old 06-20-2016, 02:14 PM   #94
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

glad things have worked out as well

I've been ok. really angry though.. and not just about orlando.. but about the way it's being handled/treated by others.. it may seem petty and "the least someone can do" and not a real effort to change a profile picture over on facebook... but I think any little bit of support is better than nothing personally.. and I just see a different reaction to this tragedy than i did towards Paris, Boston, and Sandyhook. a disconnect... and that angers and terrifies me...

this effected the whole community and shook most of us at our very core... the fact the public on some level has that kind of disconnect concerns me.

Ive had several people leave very vague comments when it first happened.. not mentioning "gay" at all.. but just "the real monsters are men" and then the next 10 posts are about how they're afraid obama is going to come take their guns away... 'merica

it really disgusts me the priorities and lack of empathy people have.. and most its on a subconscious level.. I don't even think they realize or understand how they're coming off... and that's equally concerning.

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Old 06-20-2016, 02:15 PM   #95
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

that all being said, most of Marx and I's friends all went to Columbus Pride on saturday.. the parade had a really fantastic large turn out.. biggest i've seen in years. and it was a much needed escape.

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Old 06-20-2016, 02:43 PM   #96
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

My roommate was there representing AT&T.

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Old 06-20-2016, 02:59 PM   #97
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Columbus for how big, gay friendly and for high gay population, really needs to get some bigger names for their festival and grand marshals imo.. there's really no reason they shouldn't be able to do that... theyd make more money at the festival if they did.The parade had a really huge turn out though. but it's also a bit too long. I love all the corporate sponsors and church groups turning out.. but there's too many of them!!! lol. it's like a 4hr long parade... if it's going to be that long at least have great music playing and awesome fun handouts to keep people entertained.. nothing more dull than a car driving by with a sign on it.. and just a person waving.

i like the swag some hand out, I got a buy one get one free coupon at Piada (the italian chipotle) mardis gras beads, fans, snacks, all sorts of stuff .. or hell the ones that use squirt guns to squirt at the crowd are great! lol.

the support is great, just gets a little boring after a few hours

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Old 06-20-2016, 03:37 PM   #98
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

I went to Wilton Manors Pride on Saturday.
Good turnout. I was glad to see that people aren't staying home due to fear.
But I was also let down because all I saw was a lot of commerce and some empty words but no action. I went around looking for somebody collecting signatures to send our representatives and senators about gun laws.
Nothing.
No booth, nobody standing asking for lists, nothing.
I went and asked the organizers to see if maybe I'd just missed it in the sea of people, but they didn't have an answer for me.


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Old 06-20-2016, 06:13 PM   #99
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

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Originally Posted by Reek View Post
So it has been a while... but thought I would say I thank you all. Mostly private messages, etc, but the overall support was just .. I don't know... Great stuff everyone. My brother is living with a roommate in an apartment right now (I don't know if they are a thing but it's a positive step) and is using my place as a 'home base' I guess. Has a job and in school. Very proud of him and happy I reached out somewhat anonymously here.

It's a refreshing reminder to myself (and hopefully you) that there are still good people in the world.

Thanks again.
It's great to hear things turned out OK. I have often wondered what happened with him.

It's also great to hear that people aren't staying away from Pride events. That's important. I agree though that I wish there were petitions for the removal of guns over there though, and not just at pride.

It has been annoying seeing how people have tried to seize political control over the events. Last week one of our more conservative magazine had a front page story that LGBT people, especially trans people, will try to rape your kids. This week they had a story saying only Muslims are to blame for homophobia and transphobia

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Old 06-21-2016, 09:57 PM   #100
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Default Re: G9: The Rainbow Room - Part 8

While it has been interesting watching Islamaphobic homophobes squirm as they try to figure out who's side they're on, I've been trying to avoid talking about Pulse for the most part, especially online. It seems like everyone has been using it as platform for whatever political agenda they have, and I'm just too exhausted to engage with that mess.

On another note, I'm planning on going to my first pride in San Francisco this weekend. The fact that I'm going alone only reminds me how much I need gay friends, though.

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