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Old 02-02-2018, 03:27 PM   #376
Erzengel
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

Do you know who's really "ready" to be in a relationship?

I married someone, whom I met when I didn't want to be in a serious relationship.

My point is that sometimes things aren't aligned and we step into something we may not have necessarily thought we were ready for.

Also, you two haven't even met up yet. Don't put so much pressure on it or all your eggs in one basket. If she's being flighty, give her some space but let her know where you stand. Always put the ball in her court.

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Old 02-02-2018, 03:41 PM   #377
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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Do you know who's really "ready" to be in a relationship?

I married someone, whom I met when I didn't want to be in a serious relationship.

My point is that sometimes things aren't aligned and we step into something we may not have necessarily thought we were ready for.

Also, you two haven't even met up yet. Don't put so much pressure on it or all your eggs in one basket. If she's being flighty, give her some space but let her know where you stand. Always put the ball in her court.
We had met up and it went well, we were getting along great and it felt like we already knew each other. We'd been talking every day since and she was excited about the idea of meeting up again until she became hesitant, which is why I'm a bit confused cause it felt sudden. I was afraid that I was being a bother to her, (I didn't say that to her) but then she reassured me she enjoys hearing from me and that she does like me.

But yeah, I was thinking "good person, maybe the wrong time?" but you're right, life just can throw you into things whenever you least expect it. I feel like in the past I'd resist letting people into my life cause I'd try my hardest to put my focuses elsewhere but also I kinda feel bad about not just going with things and seeing what happens.

Definitely, I feel like I left it at a good place for her- door is open if she chooses/however she chooses.

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Old 02-02-2018, 03:47 PM   #378
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

Just as long as you aren't constantly chasing her, and the first to initiate texting/calling.

If you're texting/talking every day, just take it easy and see where it goes.

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Old 02-02-2018, 04:03 PM   #379
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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Just as long as you aren't constantly chasing her, and the first to initiate texting/calling.

If you're texting/talking every day, just take it easy and see where it goes.
What I like about texting/talking to her is it's been actual conversations, at a very leisurely pace too lol. She sent big paragraphs of text to me first so I'd do the same back, I kinda like the gesture cause it feels like there's effort there. With all our tech these days it feels easy to take shortcuts with people so I appreciate seeing somebody come to me writing novels. Couple of big messages back and forth every day. She was feeling bad that she'd take forever to get back to me cause she felt like there's pressure with expectations of people wanting prompt replies on their phones and such but I didn't mind at all, I liked hearing back from her whenever she managed to. It was just nice, ya know? If I hear back from her or if I don't at this point I feel like I did what I could and it's all good.

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Old 02-05-2018, 11:30 PM   #380
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

I need a chick man, cause I’m super sexually repressed.

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Old 02-10-2018, 07:56 PM   #381
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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Okay guys, this is gonna be long.

So, I have been seeing this girl since mid December. Dates have been so fun. Got a kiss on the first date, and everything has been going great. So, the last week or so, she has been a bit more distant, and truthfully just closed off. I saw her Tuesday and had planned to have the conversation about us being exclusive in a relationship.

So a bit of character on me (hers will come out when I discuss our conversation we had Tuesday). Anyone familiar with the myers briggs? Well, I am a male INFP. The most uncommon type, so not only am I a rare breed for a person, but a VERY rare breed for a guy. So I am a very deep insightful person. I live in a very deep place, in my emotions, so that's kind of my point of view of people. Feeling. My entire life, I have been very sensitive to the feelings of others, and have always felt the emotions of others. Whenever I talk to someone or meet someone, the first thing I notice isn't the eyes, voice, clothes, personality, or any of that. It's their mood, their emotions, what they are feeling, and how it in turn makes me feel, because I feel it. In fact, this is why I am in graduate school to become a therapist. As it turns out, this girl I have been seeing is the same kind of person.

SO. I told her Tuesday I was ready to commit to her, and I could feel all the anxiety in her body. She essentially just kept saying "I don't know". She said she didn't understand why she isn't emotionally where she thought she would be, and ultimately isn't ready for a relationship yet, despite her thinking she should be. So, in that moment, my gut was telling me that she was politely rejecting me. However, the conversation got complicated, and now, I don't think she was.

So, as we talked, she kept getting anxious and fustrated with how she doesn't understand why she can't jump into a relationship. She said something along the lines of, "you haven't done anything wrong, it's all me right now. I like you, I like hanging out with you and I like talking to you. We are literally the same person. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to just say..alright, lets do this and be happy. I've been trying to figure this out for a week, and I just like, can't let myself feel". So we talked a bit more about her. Cause I could see how neurotic and guarded she is. She ended up saying that there is a real, a deep her who NO ONE has ever met, not even her dog (her best friend)and she is just so guarded. So, I asked her if she is afraid of getting hurt, and she laughed as if that was an understatement.

She told me her last relationship which ended almost 2 years ago was abusive mentally and emotionally. 2 Years of mental and emotional abuse and her constantly being emotionally beat down, it's made her really afraid. And then she said it wasn't even that, she said her whole life, her family and everyone else never understood how hard it's been for her to, always feeling everyone's emotions. How she just sometimes needs to just push away and hide in herself. And I sort of validated that, and she said she's been so good at it, her whole life. I explained my emotions and she said that's what scared her a lot. That I appear to be different than most people. No one has really tried to GET to her before.

So, I kind of said we have two options here, we either just cut this off right here, right now, or I can give you some space and we can take some time apart. She said "I don't know". So I asked what space looks like for her, and she didn't know, and asked what it looks like for me. And I told her she texts me when she wants to, and we don't talk or hangout just for a bit. I asked her what the worst case scenario was, and she said, "you telling me to **** off", and I said, well, I am not gonna do that, that's not me. And she said "damnit!" and laughed. That much easier to hide, for her.

So I asked what we do going forward, as we only have two cases, and she again said she doesn't know. So this was the important part. I asked her if she wants this to end right here, and now and for us to cut this off, and she said "no". Which just left us with "time". And this is actually where we discussed what time apart looks like for both of us. She was also afraid of hurting me, or leading me on, and I told her that's on me.

So after this talk, she said that she guesses that since she knows where I stand, we could take sometime and maybe she could warm up to it and that it may help. I asked her if she was sure about this and she assured me she was. Also keep in mind, she was VERY anxious during this 40 minute conversation. Deep breaths, shifty body language, awkward eye contact, etc. This poor girl really is terrified of being vulnerable. So it ended and she got out of my car, and when she was half our of my car she just turned and looked at me for a second, and I waved goodbye.

The next day, she posted a meme on facebook of a restaurant door with the sign that said "we are open, the door is just really heavy", and she captioned "so. accurate -_-".

So in conclusion, I really think this girl is simply terrified of vulnerability and is scared of committing to a relationship. However, she seemingly doesn't want what her and I have been to end, and seems like maybe part of her wants it to work. If this is the case, then it's okay if it doesn't work out after a while. But everything was great before this talk. I am not ready to give up on this quite yet, and I don't THINK she is either. Next time we talk, I want to tell her that I was maybe a bit premature on asking about a relationship, I don't want to put her in a situation now where she feels she has to make a decision now. What matters is that I get to spend time with this girl, just be there for her, and hopefully show her overtime that it is okay to let people in, if she'll give me that chance.

So, given what I said, am I doing the right thing in still not giving up on her and this yet?

If I move on, then I move on to life. I am not really trying to be hunting for other girls after, regardless.

Some comments would be really helpful guys. Sorry for the essay.

Bumping this for an update.

She texted me a week and a few days later. Casual conversation. Didn't go anywhere. She didnt bring up talking, hanging out, or anything about the relationship. She doesn't know what she wants.

So I texted her the other day just as a closure, goodbye kind of text, goodluck finding yourself/getting closure to her deeper self, validating kind of message. I am over it, and have plans to meet with a girl who is more my speed tomorrow. First woman never answered, but she did post a meme on facebook about how "when I tell you about my past it is so you understand, not cause I want you to feel sorry for me", captioned "YES". Which I thought was silly and passive, and childish. Of course I know why she told me about her past! This is the guy going to school to become a therapist, I wasn't offering her pitty, just validation. But her defenses were that high I guess..everyone is an enemy. Not the girl for me, a bit too neurotic. But I am not going to just flame out after talking, dating, and spending energy on her for 3 months. If I decide I want to move on, I am going to say so.

Onto the next. Thanks guys!

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Old 02-10-2018, 08:07 PM   #382
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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Originally Posted by Spidey_62 View Post
What I like about texting/talking to her is it's been actual conversations, at a very leisurely pace too lol. She sent big paragraphs of text to me first so I'd do the same back, I kinda like the gesture cause it feels like there's effort there. With all our tech these days it feels easy to take shortcuts with people so I appreciate seeing somebody come to me writing novels. Couple of big messages back and forth every day. She was feeling bad that she'd take forever to get back to me cause she felt like there's pressure with expectations of people wanting prompt replies on their phones and such but I didn't mind at all, I liked hearing back from her whenever she managed to. It was just nice, ya know? If I hear back from her or if I don't at this point I feel like I did what I could and it's all good.
Careful, if you haven't met yet and she is texting all the time, be careful. She may get bored or just want to talk. I find long paragraphs early on to be a warning sign....every single time. She, and you start to have a relationship with text instead, and then she'll get bored. Don't text her, keep it brief. Try to not have conversations that much over text. Check in a few times a day, make plans and hang out. Don't spend too much time texting each other. It feels good, and it feels like she is interested, but you frankly don't know until you see her, flirt, etc.

Maybe it will work, but I find when girls are real texty, they are looking for something to keep them busy, and are fairly layered.

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