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Old 02-06-2017, 09:36 PM   #101
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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So this website is obviously full of socially awkward nerds who are shy and find it hard to socialize, I'm a 17 year old guy who has no confidence and can never start a conversation, so I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you were like me, how did you either get out of the shell, or find a partner?
Get with another introverted hermit-y socially awkward nerd.

My husband and I met each other online. We failed at dating so hard, but we failed into each other, so it worked out.

He's actually really pretty in the face, and I don't dress to show off my slim/athletic build because I'm a nerd....

Oh, and we met when I was 25 and he was 28, so it may take a while. Seriously, 17 is SO young, OMG. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19, he didn't get his first serious gf until...he met me.

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Old 02-07-2017, 06:27 AM   #102
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

I too had my first kiss when I was 19. I am somewhat socially awkward, but I was doing my non-military service in a place where I got to work with people 1-4 years younger than me. Among my duties was hosting weekly hangouts and one really sweet girl got a crush on me there. She started making it pretty obvious and eventually I noticed and fell for her myself and that is how I got my first girlfriend.

After her I was single for about two years until I met my second girlfriend online. She was just as big of a nerd as myself.

That sadly didn't last either and now I'm using Tinder.

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Old 02-07-2017, 07:19 AM   #103
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

im considering doing something daft, there is a speed dating night coming up at a bar in my town but its on valentines night and i was considering going but i think i may hold off till the next one as that night would be a bit strange.

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Old 02-07-2017, 07:27 AM   #104
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Get off your high horse!

And it's not sexist. You said tall woman, I just said short woman.
Haha I was just messing with you.

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Old 02-07-2017, 07:54 AM   #105
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im considering doing something daft, there is a speed dating night coming up at a bar in my town but its on valentines night and i was considering going but i think i may hold off till the next one as that night would be a bit strange.
How is it daft? I've been to a few of those myself before.

But it's quite boring actually. You only have 2 minutes to make an impression before you move onto the next person. But lots of people just say the standard "so... what do you do?" I can't stand answering that question in normal conversation anymore as it's so dull and mundane, so to have to do that in rapid succession about 30 times over would be excruciating now. You could just play back a tape.

There must surely be a better way to converse, because people are hardly going remember "well, that person was a doctor, so I think I'll get to know him." It just has to be more flirty banter and humour, but you'd have to think of something witty to say for each one so that you're not just repeating the same material each time, otherwise that gets boring too.

Some people are insistent on wanting to know what you do, so even if you do try to steer the conversation to something more fun, they want to steer it back. So it's like trying to dance with someone, but your partner trying to pull in a different direction instead of following the lead.

I personally don't think speed dating works.

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Old 02-07-2017, 08:06 AM   #106
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

I want to speed date and I'll open with "MCU or DCEU?", that will tell me everything I need to know if that person is worth my time. If they give the wrong answer I'll just say "NEXT!" really, really loudly.

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Old 02-07-2017, 09:00 AM   #107
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Speed... Dating? I think you mean Tinder.

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Old 02-07-2017, 09:13 AM   #108
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

I'm messaging this one woman 5'10 with arms as big as mine. Is there a way to ask if she's transgender?

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Old 02-07-2017, 09:46 AM   #109
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Speed... Dating? I think you mean Tinder.
My Tinder profile is hilarious. That app is a cesspool. I do nothing but mess with people on there. They very fact that they liked my insane profile is a huge red flag in of itself. But It has been getting me lots of karma on Reddit so it's not all bad I guess.

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Old 02-07-2017, 09:51 AM   #110
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I'm messaging this one woman 5'10 with arms as big as mine. Is there a way to ask if she's transgender?
Ask her if she's into arm wrestling, then suggest watching "Over the Top" with her:


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Old 02-07-2017, 06:03 PM   #111
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

A bunch of the guys at work asked me why I don't talk to any women at work. I didn't have an answer. Deep down I'm just insecure and have a hard time relating to anyone I don't know let alone women. I usually just walk past and continue doing my job. Yes, technically that is what I'm paid for, but getting to know people can be so hard. I think I will start just saying hello to people. Even though they never say it to me first, it wouldn't hurt to be nice.

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Old 02-07-2017, 06:07 PM   #112
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

Pro-tip: Never dip your pen in the company ink. It's just asking for trouble. Instead, just use the workplace to get familiar with small talk and getting to know the men and women there. It will help you with your social anxiety and since you won't intend on dating the ladies there you don't have to worry about that added pressure.

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Old 02-07-2017, 06:38 PM   #113
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Well, that's not entirely true. If the women at work actually think you're hitting on them when you're not but just practising your small talk, then they could make things difficult for you in the work place and spread unwanted rumours which could affect your working life and the way your superior see you. You have to play it carefully at work.

Some people take things the wrong way just because they're used to others hitting on them all the time, so they just assume that's what is happening again when all they could be are just social experiments and target practice.

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Old 02-07-2017, 09:23 PM   #114
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Well, that's not entirely true. If the women at work actually think you're hitting on them when you're not but just practising your small talk, then they could make things difficult for you in the work place and spread unwanted rumours which could affect your working life and the way your superior see you. You have to play it carefully at work.

Some people take things the wrong way just because they're used to others hitting on them all the time, so they just assume that's what is happening again when all they could be are just social experiments and target practice.
I in no way advised him to hit on anyone. I advised him to practice talking with men and women at his workplace. Having the rule to never date at work removes the fear/uncertainty/awkwardness of hoping to get somewhere.

I get what you're saying, there def are women and men out there that think everything has an ulterior motive but learning the basics of small talk should be relatively safe. And if he does come across a lady that is acting odd then proceed to never speak with her again unless necessary, problem solved.

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Old 02-07-2017, 10:54 PM   #115
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I in no way advised him to hit on anyone. I advised him to practice talking with men and women at his workplace. Having the rule to never date at work removes the fear/uncertainty/awkwardness of hoping to get somewhere.

I get what you're saying, there def are women and men out there that think everything has an ulterior motive but learning the basics of small talk should be relatively safe. And if he does come across a lady that is acting odd then proceed to never speak with her again unless necessary, problem solved.
I didn't say you said to hit on anyone. I said that some people think you're hitting on them or chatting them up when you're just making conversation, even just to practise your small talk. Some people just default to that way of thinking.

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Old 02-09-2017, 11:06 PM   #116
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How is it daft? I've been to a few of those myself before.

But it's quite boring actually. You only have 2 minutes to make an impression before you move onto the next person. But lots of people just say the standard "so... what do you do?" I can't stand answering that question in normal conversation anymore as it's so dull and mundane, so to have to do that in rapid succession about 30 times over would be excruciating now. You could just play back a tape.

There must surely be a better way to converse, because people are hardly going remember "well, that person was a doctor, so I think I'll get to know him." It just has to be more flirty banter and humour, but you'd have to think of something witty to say for each one so that you're not just repeating the same material each time, otherwise that gets boring too.

Some people are insistent on wanting to know what you do, so even if you do try to steer the conversation to something more fun, they want to steer it back. So it's like trying to dance with someone, but your partner trying to pull in a different direction instead of following the lead.

I personally don't think speed dating works.
A biology professor of mine in college actually met her husband speed-dating. At first it was as you said, lots of boring small talk and then she was like, "Maybe I should stop being so picky" and she ended up marrying the next guy. When they moved to the college so she could teach, they already had a cute kid. He's very supportive - she's already a tenured professor and takes yearly trips to the Arctic for her research.

They met like, ~13 years ago though. (God, has speed or online dating been around THAT long??)

But you never know!

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Old 02-16-2017, 02:57 AM   #117
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

this is a rough video

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Old 02-19-2017, 01:07 AM   #118
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Man, sometimes I really don't feel my age. Quite a few people who I know are getting engaged/married, and there only like 22. It blows my mind.

I'm only 20 but I still feel like a 16 year old teenager. It actually scares me a bit that so many of my peers are already getting engaged.

Do you guys ever get this kind of pressure?

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Old 03-12-2017, 11:28 AM   #119
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I met up with an old friend from university on Friday, who I haven't seen in 5 years. It was sort of a serious meeting - i'm sober now, and I had contacted him in order to make amends for a particularly messy incident of bad behavior in my drinking days.

He seemed a little bit too keen from the start TBH (considering what I used to be like), but I just took it that he was a bit lonely and happy to be seeing an old friend. He knows I have a boyfriend, and we talked about him a lot throughout the day.

I thought it was going quite nicely - I gave my amends, he spoke a bit about how he'd felt, and we both seemed to get a lot out of it. Then he opened up about some of his issues, and that he knows he's got real problems with how he behaves around women, especially female friends.

I told him I was glad he can recognize that and that he's trying to sort it out, cause he's definitely not going to find a girlfriend until he does (he's 29 and never really had one). He's just totally and completely clueless about what to say, do, signals, timing, tone etc and what is and isn't appropriate.

Yet even after saying all that to me, he still ended up gently taking my hand in his and holding it when we were walking through the street...

It really creeped me out and changed the whole atmosphere of the rest of the day. It was so awkward and unwanted. I didn't know what to do (because I get crippled by not wanting to upset people), so I just went with it for a couple of minutes before saying I needed to make a cigarette and pulling my hand back, and then spent the rest of the day with my hands in my pockets.

Then when I went to leave, I ended up in two of the most awkward hugs of all time. I could see him hovering around whether or not to kiss me, I really just wanted to run away.

I feel so sorry for the guy

I knew this was going to be a bit difficult, because I was going to have to get serious and put my emotion behind my amends for it to mean anything, and I worried that it could be taken the wrong way by him (as in he'd think my heart felt apology was a profession of love or something) just based on my experience of him back in the day - so I was really careful with my words. Really clear that this was me apologizing for platonic reasons, as a friend.

I can't understand what thought process lead to him thinking it was a good idea to hold my hand like we were on a date.

I just wish someone could teach him the do's and dont's, you know?

Anyway, the whole encounter just made me think about this thread and some of the old conversations we've had, so I thought i'd make my return!

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Old 03-13-2017, 10:40 AM   #120
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He needs just to get out there and make his mistakes and learn from them.

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Old 03-13-2017, 10:50 AM   #121
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

He should've reached into your pocket and took your hand while it was in there!

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Old 03-22-2017, 12:39 AM   #122
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Default Re: The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part

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I met up with an old friend from university on Friday, who I haven't seen in 5 years. It was sort of a serious meeting - i'm sober now, and I had contacted him in order to make amends for a particularly messy incident of bad behavior in my drinking days.

He seemed a little bit too keen from the start TBH (considering what I used to be like), but I just took it that he was a bit lonely and happy to be seeing an old friend. He knows I have a boyfriend, and we talked about him a lot throughout the day.

I thought it was going quite nicely - I gave my amends, he spoke a bit about how he'd felt, and we both seemed to get a lot out of it. Then he opened up about some of his issues, and that he knows he's got real problems with how he behaves around women, especially female friends.

I told him I was glad he can recognize that and that he's trying to sort it out, cause he's definitely not going to find a girlfriend until he does (he's 29 and never really had one). He's just totally and completely clueless about what to say, do, signals, timing, tone etc and what is and isn't appropriate.

Yet even after saying all that to me, he still ended up gently taking my hand in his and holding it when we were walking through the street...

It really creeped me out and changed the whole atmosphere of the rest of the day. It was so awkward and unwanted. I didn't know what to do (because I get crippled by not wanting to upset people), so I just went with it for a couple of minutes before saying I needed to make a cigarette and pulling my hand back, and then spent the rest of the day with my hands in my pockets.

Then when I went to leave, I ended up in two of the most awkward hugs of all time. I could see him hovering around whether or not to kiss me, I really just wanted to run away.

I feel so sorry for the guy

I knew this was going to be a bit difficult, because I was going to have to get serious and put my emotion behind my amends for it to mean anything, and I worried that it could be taken the wrong way by him (as in he'd think my heart felt apology was a profession of love or something) just based on my experience of him back in the day - so I was really careful with my words. Really clear that this was me apologizing for platonic reasons, as a friend.

I can't understand what thought process lead to him thinking it was a good idea to hold my hand like we were on a date.

I just wish someone could teach him the do's and dont's, you know?

Anyway, the whole encounter just made me think about this thread and some of the old conversations we've had, so I thought i'd make my return!
Ya know, a few years ago I'd say I feel sorry for him too, and wish that someone could have showed him the ropes about how to not be creepy.

But now? Nah, he's got to get his head out of his ass. It's not friggin' rocket science to observe how platonic friends typically behave, then NOT PUT THE MOVES ON YOUR TAKEN/UNINTERESTED FRIEND. Like, GEEZ.

His problem, which is common to a lot of men actually, is that their default mindset is "How can I get what I want out of this situation?" For guys THAT clueless, it's never about trying to meet in the middle with another person, or even being aware of the needs of another. It's always "I want this from this person, how can I get it?"

Until he grows up out of that emotional immaturity, no lessons or pity will make him see the light. It's sad, but it is what it is.

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Old 03-26-2017, 10:48 AM   #123
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Ya know, a few years ago I'd say I feel sorry for him too, and wish that someone could have showed him the ropes about how to not be creepy.

But now? Nah, he's got to get his head out of his ass. It's not friggin' rocket science to observe how platonic friends typically behave, then NOT PUT THE MOVES ON YOUR TAKEN/UNINTERESTED FRIEND. Like, GEEZ.

His problem, which is common to a lot of men actually, is that their default mindset is "How can I get what I want out of this situation?" For guys THAT clueless, it's never about trying to meet in the middle with another person, or even being aware of the needs of another. It's always "I want this from this person, how can I get it?"

Until he grows up out of that emotional immaturity, no lessons or pity will make him see the light. It's sad, but it is what it is.
Yeah I can't say I don't agree with you.

Honestly, I wondered if it might be a low form of autism or something.

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Old 03-26-2017, 11:18 AM   #124
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So I caught the eyes of this guy last night at a Walgreens. He was buying stuff for work like a new lunch kit and lunch stuff (that's a thing right). Anyway I kept glancing at him cause I thought I recognized him from somewhere, but then realized I hadn't met him before. I helped him get a cart out when his hands were full and he smiled at me and told me thanks, and said welcome you know being Miss Manners. He disappeared somewhere in groceries while I finished getting my last minute dinner stuff (spaghetti, etc.) Got to the checkout and he was there and we are both looking at the same item near the cooler by the counter. I casually asked him if he's ever tried that drink, and he starts to smile and look down and laughs saying he hasn't then I said it looked like he was interested in trying it. Then he looked at me for good while and just smiled. He then checked out and went to load his stuff in his truck and I finish paying for my items and as I'm leaving he's bringing back the cart and I help get it through the door and we just stare at each other and he quickly averted his gaze and smiled. So I was debating asking him out for some coffee or a drink or something, but he left before I could react. It felt like there was something, but I'm not entirely sure... If he really wanted he could have waited...

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Old 03-27-2017, 04:13 PM   #125
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So I caught the eyes of this guy last night at a Walgreens. He was buying stuff for work like a new lunch kit and lunch stuff (that's a thing right). Anyway I kept glancing at him cause I thought I recognized him from somewhere, but then realized I hadn't met him before. I helped him get a cart out when his hands were full and he smiled at me and told me thanks, and said welcome you know being Miss Manners. He disappeared somewhere in groceries while I finished getting my last minute dinner stuff (spaghetti, etc.) Got to the checkout and he was there and we are both looking at the same item near the cooler by the counter. I casually asked him if he's ever tried that drink, and he starts to smile and look down and laughs saying he hasn't then I said it looked like he was interested in trying it. Then he looked at me for good while and just smiled. He then checked out and went to load his stuff in his truck and I finish paying for my items and as I'm leaving he's bringing back the cart and I help get it through the door and we just stare at each other and he quickly averted his gaze and smiled. So I was debating asking him out for some coffee or a drink or something, but he left before I could react. It felt like there was something, but I'm not entirely sure... If he really wanted he could have waited...
That sounds like a cute encounter

You know, you could take a whole 'he's just not that into you' attitude and say he would have made a move if he was interested.

But then again he might have been at least a little interested, but just not the kind of guy who puts himself out there randomly in a store.

Honestly, who does these days?

I say go for it next time. Always just go for it. They might say no. Who cares? At least then you'll know, and you can learn from it!

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Superman: "To catch them if they fall."
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