Tips for flying with a jetpack?

[The Guard]

Carry plenty of gum (see THE ROCKETEER).

[Piper Maru]

You can accomplish anything by believing in yourself!!!!

[Spider-Who?]

Originally Posted by braincrusher

One of my friends claims he has access to a jetpack. I don't know much about flying with one but this seems like the perfect place to find someone who has. I have some questions about what gear I should bring for my initial flight. So far, I have knee pads and some loose clothing. Any tips for the flight itself?

With the limitations of jet pack engines, you will be lucky to get a few seconds of air time at an extremely slow pace (most amateurs are lucky to simply hover 10 feet off the ground) before the fuel is depleted. You can always tell when a jet packer is an amateur, and therefore worthy of disdain.

The problem with jet packs that dumb amateurs don't understand is getting that initial thrust to lift you up. It takes a lot of energy to start an engine that will fight gravity, especially when you consider the weight of the engine and the added mass of any occupants (see NASA shuttle launch). Now those with jet packs are obviously wealthy to some degree, but not wealthy enough to purchase the type of engines, fuel, coolant and other necessities that NASA has the comfort of affording. The engine must force an incredible amount of air through it's turbines to lift someone off the ground, and the vast majority of the fuel is spent in that initial thrust.

True jet packers understand this, and laugh merrily as they zoom at near super sonic speeds high above the sad earth-bound amateurs. The way to achieve maxim take-off thrust and maintain one's fuel to actually enjoy jet pack outings on warm sunday mornings is actually quite simple: You simply don't use the fuel to start the engine. In order to get that massive thrust, you merely need to force air through the turbines.

Most professional jet packers believe you need only about 60-100 feet of ground clearance to achieve this, depending on the style of jet engine and weight of the user, of course (see Newton's Laws of Motion if you have any questions). Within this range, you'll find that church steeples are best (they are also not only in every town, but on warm sunday mornings there will be plenty of people around that will be impressed with your obvious jet pack know-how). You need only ascend the church steeple (ignore the parishioners and eventual police - they're obviously amateurs and simply jealous of your knowledge and skill). Once you're reached the peak, stand in a Christ pose with head held high and arms outstretched. The parishioners will be impressed, but its actually to make sure your arms aren't caught in the turbines that will spring to glorious life and rocket you to the heavens in a few moments.

Recite the Jet Packers prayer (if you don't know it, google "Jet Packers Prayer". It'll be hidden from amateurs on the 1854th page - the number being in celebration of the year of worlds first round-the-world jet pack flight). Upon the final word of the prayer ("albatross" depending on whether you're reciting the Queen's version - you should be - all other translations are from charlatans), leap from the steeple. Important: MAKE SURE you are falling face-first toward the earth - this is the direction the air must travel through the turbine. If you simply step off with your feet toward the ground, the reverse air flow will merely cause the jet engine to propel you into the ground. Having successfully aimed your body in the right direction with the earth in free fall (again, face-first!), you'll barely make out the screams of delight and jealousy of the people below you as the sound of your engines spring to life. Before you know it, you will be flying high above them for several glorious hours, and you too shall laugh merrily at the amateur jet packers whom hover a few feet off the ground, weighed down by their ignorance.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

braincrusher should never have thread probation. Ever.

I think you should save the jet packing for when you climb to the top of that mountain, and jetpack off the mountain. You'd be just like that guy who sky dove from space!

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Spider-Who?

With the limitations of jet pack engines, you will be lucky to get a few seconds of air time at an extremely slow pace (most amateurs are lucky to simply hover 10 feet off the ground) before the fuel is depleted. You can always tell when a jet packer is an amateur, and therefore worthy of disdain.

The problem with jet packs that dumb amateurs don't understand is getting that initial thrust to lift you up. It takes a lot of energy to start an engine that will fight gravity, especially when you consider the weight of the engine and the added mass of any occupants (see NASA shuttle launch). Now those with jet packs are obviously wealthy to some degree, but not wealthy enough to purchase the type of engines, fuel, coolant and other necessities that NASA has the comfort of affording. The engine must force an incredible amount of air through it's turbines to lift someone off the ground, and the vast majority of the fuel is spent in that initial thrust.

True jet packers understand this, and laugh merrily as they zoom at near super sonic speeds high above the sad earth-bound amateurs. The way to achieve maxim take-off thrust and maintain one's fuel to actually enjoy jet pack outings on warm sunday mornings is actually quite simple: You simply don't use the fuel to start the engine. In order to get that massive thrust, you merely need to force air through the turbines.

Most professional jet packers believe you need only about 60-100 feet of ground clearance to achieve this, depending on the style of jet engine and weight of the user, of course (see Newton's Laws of Motion if you have any questions). Within this range, you'll find that church steeples are best (they are also not only in every town, but on warm sunday mornings there will be plenty of people around that will be impressed with your obvious jet pack know-how). You need only ascend the church steeple (ignore the parishioners and eventual police - they're obviously amateurs and simply jealous of your knowledge and skill). Once you're reached the peak, stand in a Christ pose with head held high and arms outstretched. The parishioners will be impressed, but its actually to make sure your arms aren't caught in the turbines that will spring to glorious life and rocket you to the heavens in a few moments.

Recite the Jet Packers prayer (if you don't know it, google "Jet Packers Prayer". It'll be hidden from amateurs on the 1854th page - the number being in celebration of the year of worlds first round-the-world jet pack flight). Upon the final word of the prayer ("albatross" depending on whether you're reciting the Queen's version - you should be - all other translations are from charlatans), leap from the steeple. Important: MAKE SURE you are falling face-first toward the earth - this is the direction the air must travel through the turbine. If you simply step off with your feet toward the ground, the reverse air flow will merely cause the jet engine to propel you into the ground. Having successfully aimed your body in the right direction with the earth in free fall (again, face-first!), you'll barely make out the screams of delight and jealousy of the people below you as the sound of your engines spring to life. Before you know it, you will be flying high above them for several glorious hours, and you too shall laugh merrily at the amateur jet packers whom hover a few feet off the ground, weighed down by their ignorance.

Impressive!!

[Rodrigo90]

Well are you playing GTA SA or FRWL?

[POWdER-man]

Whenever I hear jetpack I always think about this...

VIDEO-CLick to Watch!:

[ThePhantasm]

Originally Posted by Spider-Who?

With the limitations of jet pack engines. . . you too shall laugh merrily at the amateur jet packers whom hover a few feet off the ground, weighed down by their ignorance.

Win, end thread.

[knowsbleed]

[Spider-Man Luvr28]

I love braincrusher threads.

[The Guard]

So...I went to Verizon Wireless today, and they tried to sell me this aircard/mobile internet thingie called, drumroll please, a "jetpack".

If your friend has one of those, I wouldn't reccommend trying to fly with it.

[Parker Wayne]

He will be the Rocketeer.

[Ultimatehero]

Just follow everything this guy does:

VIDEO-CLick to Watch!:

[Piper Maru]

Jetpacks run on fried chicken and waffles.

[TheDreamMaster]

Try to sound manly while doing it. Don't want that girly-man voice getting in the way.

[Immortalfire]

Use the jetpack and fly to the top of K2!

[Parker Wayne]

I like your thinking, immortal.

And after have some Chicken and Waffles!

[Brain Damage]

All of these thread resurrections...

[Parker Wayne]

Chaos! Chaos everywhere!

[Immortalfire]

Originally Posted by Parker Wayne

I like your thinking, immortal.

And after have some Chicken and Waffles!

That's a great breakfast after mowing the lawn at 7:00am!

[Parker Wayne]

Yes, and then we can take out some great whites.

[Piper Maru]

What do you think braincrusher took out those great whites? I heard he used a lawn mower.

[Parker Wayne]

VIDEO-CLick to Watch!: