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08-31-2004, 10:26 PM
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#1 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Bastard Moderator from Hell
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 1
by Malice (influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year) 8:00am I sit at my work comp logging into Hype, and see the usual 5 PMs I got from the previous night... I click on the PM list and see the ones I recieved:
I look a the list and think....wholly crap! Porn! I immediately click on the 4th link and hope for some good porn! There is nothing like seeing good porn while at work and drinking a good coffee. (If you havent tried it, you must!) I immediately click on the link and the pm text that is like 3 sentences long becomes a jumble until I see the glorious underlined symbol of the almighty, a hyperlink. A hyperlink to porn, God save the Queen. I click the link, and get taken to an obscure corner of Hype.... Scouring the thread, I search with baited breath.... Then I find it...wait DAMN! Mirko got to it first and edited out the picture! Damn Him! That is My job to collect all questionable material for a later date! Damn Him! Closing that window I go back to the remaining four PMs, deleting 1 and 2 without reading them I got to he name change. Feeling nice and magnanimous, I open it up to see a guy with 3 posts wants a name change. I proceed to IP ban him for stupidty for wanting a name change when he could simply reregister with a new name. Stupidity has no place being on my board. To the last PM I go, I again feel nice and open the persons question PM. I open the PM to find a freaking copy of War and Peace. I quickly send him a link to the Comments and Support forum without ever reading the pm, then deleting it of course. I cant have it clogging up my PM capacity when someone might be about to PM me something juicy! 8:10am I actually proceed to do my real job. 8:13am I pull Mozilla back up and start looking thru Community. (I dont read anything else, because everyone else is a bunch of freaking Comic book geeks...Why would anyone get into a freaking Arguments about whether Spiderman had Organic Webshooters or the classic web-fluid ones. How lame) I open Community to see the usual crap... More to come...
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I have no real signature. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Last edited by Malice; 09-01-2004 at 06:29 AM. |
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08-31-2004, 10:34 PM
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#2 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: May 2002
Location: In a battle without honor or humanity™
Posts: 14,755
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Damn... does Malice do that?
 
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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup teh meh™
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08-31-2004, 10:36 PM
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#3 |
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Aspiring Casting Director
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: I teach hip-hop at the centa
Posts: 406
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
I laughed. I cried. It was better than "Cats."
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The ultimate casting of everything ever |
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08-31-2004, 11:01 PM
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#4 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 2
by Malice (influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year) 8:13am I open Community to see the usual crap... I see politics...the usual Bush Bashing, Kerry questioning...the usual garbage. I see countless....x vs y threads....CRAP! I see the "check out the jugs on this chick" threads...usual name less garbage-I of course enter all those "jugs threads" to save them to my personal collection, err...I mean to check them for questionable content. 9:00am I close Mozilla down, and start doing work again. I am at work, remember? 10:00am I promtly get a PM from the guy that messaged me the night before. Why didnt you not reply to me? I promtly changed his post count to 0 and upload him an avatar (which he cant change of course) that says "Make fun of me, Catwomen was the best move ever" in rotating text. *DELETE* Wondering what to do now... I open the Admin control panel and start digging around. Looking at the user groups, I figure, noone needs to ever PM me anymore, so I remove everyones ability to send PMs. 10:05am I decide, I need to do documentation for my real job, so I hop onto it, and start writing my highly technical documents in Microsoft Word. 10:10am I get bored... I log back into Hype and see a golden thread in Community, untouched my BMFH hands! The thread begins like this: Hi! I am New! by Angel I promptly post a nice message to her on the forums, saying hello, and welcome to the Hype! Of course I throw in the obligatory statement of PM me if you have any problems (remember I removed the PMs). *Smiling* I switch windows to the control panel and make a few MINOR adjustments to her account. 10:12am I work some more.... 10:20am I look back at good ole Angel and she is having trouble! Malice to the rescue! I just jump in and rescue her of course. I quickly undo the adjustments I made to her account. I give her the, "Its all in the line of duty." bit....which they ALL love. More to come...
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I have no real signature. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Last edited by Malice; 09-01-2004 at 06:49 PM. |
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08-31-2004, 11:46 PM
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#5 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Around
Posts: 9,849
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
MORE!! I WANT MORE!!! seriously great stuff Malice
 Really funny
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Spoiler!!! Click to Read!:
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08-31-2004, 11:48 PM
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#6 |
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ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 27,670
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
This is awesome.
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~ I was lookin' for a hooker when I found you. |
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09-01-2004, 03:33 AM
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#7 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,748
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Haha, that's funniest thing I've read in a while.
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09-01-2004, 07:20 AM
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#8 |
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Dew's Pet
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Brooklyn, NY [Slot-n-Run Chummer]
Posts: 14,607
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Oh man this is getting subscribed to for later reads.
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"Fools set stools so wise men can break their shins." |
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09-01-2004, 07:54 AM
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#9 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3,614
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Hahahahahahaha!!! Malice rocks!!!
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09-01-2004, 08:17 AM
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#10 |
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The Big Bad
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 3,385
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
lol Malice awsome.
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"Your listing to the Fourth Wall Podcast, the gayest podcast on television" - Lloyd Kaufman (director of The Toxic Avenger) www.breakthefourthwall.com |
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09-01-2004, 08:28 AM
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#11 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,168
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
LOL...very funny!!!!
Keep it going Malice!!! |
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09-01-2004, 08:43 AM
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#12 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Cool...glad you guys are entertained....
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09-01-2004, 08:51 AM
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#13 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3,614
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Keep going Malice!!!
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09-01-2004, 12:17 PM
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#14 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 3
by Malice (influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year) 10:25am After helping my little Angel get her Technical Difficulties resolved, I decided, I need better Karma. I dive into the Computer Assistance forum to find some poor chimp that needs help. SpiderPutz writes: "Hi all! I think I have a virus! My computer is really really slow! I dont know why! Can someone help?" I decide, my expertice is needed. Malice to the rescue! So I write, "First of all, lets not classify this as a virus. Lets classify this at the moment as a PBKAC. (Problem Between Keyboard and Chair, of course I dont explain what PBKAC stands for - phonetically known as a Peb-Cack) This sounds like you have a resources issue, what software do you have running in the background as we speak? I finish the post with that, this looks like it will mostly be a "work in progress fix." Karma +1 - Another hopefully happy customer! The next plea for my help comes from sNiCkeRdOOdle. sNiCkeRdOOdle writes: "MALIEC I WANT 2 LEARN 2 B A COL COMPUTER GUY LIEK U?!?!! OMG WTF LOL HOW SHUD I START OUT LEARNNG??!!!????" I reply calmly: "Get off the crack and that is your first step into admitting you need to jump off a cliff." karma +2 - Another satisfied customer! Immediately, I get a pop-up, saying I have a new PM. I open a new window to view it, seeing its from Angel. *innocent smile* To be continued....
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I have no real signature. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Last edited by Malice; 09-01-2004 at 12:32 PM. |
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09-01-2004, 12:20 PM
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#15 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3,614
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Hahahahahaha! Thats good ****!
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09-01-2004, 12:23 PM
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#16 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Club Obi-Wan
Posts: 5,075
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
heh heh. Good stuff.
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Its not the years honey, its the mileage. |
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09-01-2004, 12:33 PM
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#17 |
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Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming about MidKnight
Posts: 23,868
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Brilliant
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09-01-2004, 12:33 PM
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#18 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Around
Posts: 9,849
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Keep it coming Malice
Never would have guessed you had this side of you 
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Spoiler!!! Click to Read!:
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09-01-2004, 12:41 PM
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#19 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Bastard Moderator from Hell - 4
by Malice (influenced by the Bastard Operator from Hell stories from yester year) 10:35am Again, I type a few little blurbs to my new pet, Angel. This is private, so go the hell away. 10:40am Again I close Mozilla to do work. Damn it sucks how work gets in the way of BMFH duties. 1:00pm I wander back from taking my 2 hour lunch, and sit back down with my Starbucks triple deluxe expresso with double caffeine. 12 new PMs popup on me. *Damn* Quickly scanning them, I dont see any of the usual buzzwords like, Porn, Picture, Nude, Ban or.....Angel I select all then delete them. My work is done! I open the Comments and Support forum now. Since the upgrade to VB3, I have been inundated with requests for this...requests for that... I see 13 new threads. I quickly go thru each one and type, Read the Damn FAQs! if its not there, goto the Comments and Support forum! Karma +13 Man I am going to heaven tonight! My personal Cell Phone rings. I pick it up and see that its Mirko. Dear lord, what does this guy want now! Mirko: Hey guy. I wanted to ask you, did you realize those threads you just posted in, ARE IN FACT in the Support forum? Malice: Hey Mirko. Um, Yes. Whats the problem? Mirko: You seemed a little rude, you ok? Malice: Rude? No of course not. Direct. Remember, they are sheep and chimps. They need direction, we are here to provide that! Havent you learned after all this time that I handle these issues? Mirko: Yeah, I remember, it still doesnt seem right. Malice: You dont pay me for niceness, just efficiency, check you later, gotta work. *click* I think I was direct enough, dont you? more to come...
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I have no real signature. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Last edited by Malice; 09-01-2004 at 02:13 PM. |
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09-01-2004, 12:48 PM
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#20 |
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Side-Kick
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: London, UK
Posts: 3,614
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Hahaha! I've never seen this side of Malice before!
Next time I PM you I'll have to title it 'BAN this guy because he posted PORN' Lol.
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09-01-2004, 02:09 PM
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#21 |
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ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 27,670
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
I can't believe you guys never thought of Malice like this.
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~ I was lookin' for a hooker when I found you. |
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09-01-2004, 02:14 PM
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#22 |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
You like my "diary" so far guys?
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09-01-2004, 02:15 PM
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#23 |
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Banned User
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Dreaming about MidKnight
Posts: 23,868
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Have you not read this thread? It's pretty one-sided on the like it/not like it front.
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09-01-2004, 02:21 PM
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#24 | |
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BMFH
SHH! Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 12,724
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
Quote:
But after just reading them....I feel dumb for posting it. Heh
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09-01-2004, 02:31 PM
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#25 |
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Aspiring Casting Director
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: I teach hip-hop at the centa
Posts: 406
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Re: Bastard Moderator from Hell
You make Gandhi look like a child pornographer!! It's scrumtulescent.
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