Marriage question

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

attractive 20 year olds . sagging old bag of a wife!

Even though you have a closet full of dresses, you don't even live with a woman and have never been married. Pipe down.

jag

[Deathlok2001]

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

[JLBats]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

Dude, we've seen your floor. No woman wants that. And why the **** would any woman want to steal your comics and IKEA furniture from you?

[MakeMineMarvel]

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.

[Carter]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

Well another reason is because you're a tranny

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

[PLAS]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

Here's some information you might find shocking: there are women out there that are probably better looking then your wife. There are probably some women out there who might even be better for you. Here's the thing though: that doesn't matter.

See you've made a promise and being a real man in the relationship you're in revolves around you maintaining that promise. Of course you're going to have attractions to other women or think how hot other women might be, but you made an oath to someone that should supersede any basic physical attraction that you might have. It does get easier if you work on growing stronger in your relationship with your wife. Remember, you chose her above all others on her merits.

A couple of good books that help in this area are The Five Love Languages and Tender Warrior. Those two books have taught me so much about my relationship, learning to speak my wife's language, the deep differences between men and women and so on.

I've been married for almost 3 years, but with her for 8 and we were on the verge of divorce after year one before I buried my head in these books (and stopped associating with friends who gave advice like Deathlok2001.) Now, we have the best relationship we've ever had, because I've put the work in.

totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

I would never live with a woman, cause after 6 months, she legally can demand half of all assets.......... she is not getting my half of my house or comic collection or bowen stautes or IKEA shelves damnit!

I think it's more likely that you're afraid of deep, lasting intimacy with a woman because not only do you want to BE a woman, but you also realize the very daunting task you face in finding a woman who will be understanding and supportive of your proclivities in fashion choices and having one live with you would put a severe cramp in your ability to play dress-up if she wasn't understanding of that part of who you are. There are women out there who will be understanding and supportive of that part of who you are without viewing it as a massive dent in your masculinity but they are few and far between and I think you are aware of that.

jag

[JLBats]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

Ugh.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by PLAS

totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates

I'm of pretty much the same view. Common sense and some very open communication with your lady can work wonders, but whatever it takes to help you get there (including books) is more than perfectly okay.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Originally Posted by PLAS

totally agree with you, except for the book thing, I really don't think you need a book to know something that common sense pretty much dictates

Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag

[PLAS]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

So much for "Freedom Lovin' Alberta."

Here's a secret: in serious relationships, the reason for the problem is 100% the man's fault. "What, you're crazy!" you're thinking. Actually I'm serious. Whether it's the guy complaining that the stripper he married cheated on him or whether it's the guy frustrated because his wife argues with him about everything - it's still the guy's fault. Men more times than not, fail to assume a leadership role and if leadership of the relationship is up for grabs, there is going to be a consistent power struggle.

there really isn't a need for leadership roles or powerstruggles, when in a relationship, both parts are equal, one party might excell at some stuff and the other party at different stuff, sometimes it's her decision, sometimes it's his decision

respect, trust and friendship is the base for any loving relationship

takeany of those away and it all goes to fookland

[JLBats]

Originally Posted by jag

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag

Originally Posted by PLAS

there really isn't a need for leadership roles or powerstruggles, when in a relationship, both parts are equal, one party might excell at some stuff and the other party at different stuff, sometimes it's her decision, sometimes it's his decision

respect, trust and friendship is the base for any loving relationship

takeany of those away and it all goes to fookland

Agreed.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.

I dunno. I think the divorce rate is so high because people are too selfish and immature, get married for lust or money rather than love, and/or aren't willing to put the work into it to make it work so they give up when it doesn't come easy (which is a symptom of our Disposable Society where everything is about instant gratification and everything is disposable from food wrappers to razors and even relationships). It's not necessarily that people LACK the skills to make relationships work (in some cases they do, but it's not a one size fits all diagnosis), it's that they lack the desire and committment to even use those skills to make their relationships work.

jag

[PLAS]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

Common sense is so uncommon it has to be taught. Books that are written to help improve relationships by qualified people can only help. I guarantee if you picked up either of those books and read them you would walk away with more and better information on how to make your mate happy. It doesn't hurt to be more informed.

If more people studied books like those instead of whatever else they're reading on the way to marriage, I think the divorce rate would be affected.

I find it easier and much cheaper to just talk, a long, honest, sincere conversation can help you more than you think

why use a book when both parts can read each other throughly?

comunication is the best way to make any relationship work, specially through the harder times

[MakeMineMarvel]

Originally Posted by PLAS

I find it easier and much cheaper to just talk, a long, honest, sincere conversation can help you more than you think

why use a book when both parts can read each other throughly?

comunication is the best way to make any relationship work, specially through the harder times

It's not like we read books in place of communication. We both read the same books and it allows us to have better communication, more detailed conversation and so on.

I love my wife enough that I continue to seek ways to improve on it. If you haven't ever read the books I'm talking about are you in a place to criticize the concept? Understand, I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm just simply asking the question.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

It's not like we read books in place of communication. We both read the same books and it allows us to have better communication, more detailed conversation and so on.

I love my wife enough that I continue to seek ways to improve on it. If you haven't ever read the books I'm talking about are you in a place to criticize the concept? Understand, I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm just simply asking the question.

I think he's just saying that it's unnecessary for him in his relationships. Whatever it takes to enable you and your lady to have open, meaningful communication is the key, man. If that's both of you reading a book and using the concepts within to do that, more power to you.

jag

[Deathlok2001]

Originally Posted by jaguarr

I think it's more likely that you're afraid of deep, lasting intimacy with a woman because not only do you want to BE a woman, but you also realize the very daunting task you face in finding a woman who will be understanding and supportive of your proclivities in fashion choices and having one live with you would put a severe cramp in your ability to play dress-up if she wasn't understanding of that part of who you are. There are women out there who will be understanding and supportive of that part of who you are without viewing it as a massive dent in your masculinity but they are few and far between and I think you are aware of that.

jag

dude, my last gf was cool with it. I usually tell them within the 1st few months.... I am not going to waste my time with someone who is so closed minded as to not accept me. Thats just BS! life is too short.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by Deathlok2001

dude, my last gf was cool with it. I usually tell them within the 1st few months.... I am not going to waste my time with someone who is so closed minded as to not accept me. Thats just BS! life is too short.

Did your last girlfriend LIVE with you, though? Did you get dressed up together? Did you talk about getting married?

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Originally Posted by jaguarr

Here's where you and I start to diverge, man. My wife and I have a very even partnership and make decisions together. In nearly two years of marriage and almost five years together, we've had only one fight and a lot of love and laughter.

jag

You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.

[jaguarr]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.

I didn't misunderstand what you meant by leadership, man.

jag

[MakeMineMarvel]

Originally Posted by jaguarr

I dunno. I think the divorce rate is so high because people are too selfish and immature, get married for lust or money rather than love, and/or aren't willing to put the work into it to make it work so they give up when it doesn't come easy (which is a symptom of our Disposable Society where everything is about instant gratification and everything is disposable from food wrappers to razors and even relationships). It's not necessarily that people LACK the skills to make relationships work (in some cases they do, but it's not a one size fits all diagnosis), it's that they lack the desire and committment to even use those skills to make their relationships work.

jag

If you'd read either of these two books you'd find out how selfishness and immaturity are handled in both as well as the idea of marrying for lust or money. I agree that those are all problems for divorce but I think the reason for the problem parallels the same reason why so few people are financially solvent in this Country - we don't teach enough about financial solvency either in schools or in the home. Teaching proper relationships before people get old enough to get married is important. I think very few people actually lack the skills to make relationships work.

[PLAS]

Originally Posted by MakeMineMarvel

You're missing the concept of my feel on leadership. Leadership in my household is not, "I tell you what to do and you do it." My wife and I have agreed on what we want out of our life and she has entrusted me with casting the vision for where we want to be. She understands that the decisions we make will be in an effort to move us closer to the things we are trying to accomplish. We also understand that men are "big picture" by nature and accomplishment focused while women are more detail and relationship focused. I value her input on larger decisions and she understands that the final decision will be the one that puts us in the best position in meeting our goals. There are many other decisions that she makes. My leadership of my family doesn't mean I'm the only decision maker in the house. But in any household, if no one has the final decision making power, then no decisons ever get made.

My wife is submitted to my leadership because leadership is servitude. My decisons on any issue are always made with the thought process of "does this best serve my family?" The fact that she trusts that, allows her to let me have final word as the head of our household. My vision for our life is bigger than what hers was.

if that works for you two, and nobody gets hurt or any bedroom related third degree burns in the process, then power to you both