The SuperHeroHype Forums  

Go Back   The SuperHeroHype Forums > Fandom Come > Fan Fiction & Films

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-11-2010, 03:59 PM   #276
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

Glad you're still reading boywonder!

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2010, 04:13 PM   #277
wiegeabo
Omniposcient
 
wiegeabo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look behind you...
Posts: 36,295
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rambo, John J View Post
Glad you're still reading boywonder!
Damn.

I thought you were posting another part. Got my hopes up and opened the thread for nothing.

__________________
I don't care about your deathmatches. Don't even ask. I'll just report it as spam.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Lantern View Post
90% of people are in love with wiegeabo. The other 10% are liars.
wiegeabo is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2010, 08:04 PM   #278
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

16th January 2010

Happy new year all. Happy Christmas and all that jazz. Bloody hell, first entry of 2010. I never thought when I started this that i'd be writing in it almost 10 years later. Truthfully I didn't think i'd still be the Man In Black for this long. I never had any sort of game plan for this gig, I never planned it out. I always just figured that... ach, I never really figured anything when it came to the Man In Black. But I didn't think i'd be at it for this long. And I never thought it would have impacted on my life the way it has.

As the Man In Black, i've come to embody the role quite well. My dad was right - I do drift through life. My real life - the life of Marty - is passing me by. Somewhere along the line it became easier, less strenuous to ignore my real life and hide behind my superhero facade. Weeks go by now where I virtually ignore the world around me during the day. I talk with people, with customers and work colleagues, but they're empty, meaningless interactions. Hollow. I don't even remember what I say most of the time. It feels as though i'm cutting myself off - and I don't know why. Life as the Man In Black can be tough, demanding, lonely and empty. But it doesn't have to be. It can also be fun. It can be rewarding. It can be fulfilling.

Christ, what the hell am I doing? Its half one in the morning and i've had to cut patrol short because once again i'm bleeding from several large wounds. I staggered home in the pouring rain and the wind. I wobbled up the stairs to my first floor flat and slammed my key into the door, missing the lock twice. My vision blurred and wavy as I saw spots dancing in front of me. And to think this time last week I was practically dancing home in the snow and ice, Belfast's hooligans and criminals seemingly taking the night off - a reflection of the picturesque cityscape. I'd spent the day with nurse 3A and had gone back to hers where we cooked chilli con carne (or chilli con carnage as she calls it - my terrible cooking) and watched a DVD (Wedding Crashers). I left her sleeping on the sofa and went on patrol, but as I said, the town was pretty quiet.
Compare to now. Typing this with my fingers still bloody. I've dressed my wounds (arm and back) but haven't bothered having a shower yet. I'm trembling all over. Not a fearful kind of trembling - more the kind you get when you're nervous or excited. The kind when you're cold. And I am cold. The economy 7 heating in the flat is crap, and I can't bloody afford to turn on the electric heater for too long. Not with Jonny gone and me having to pay all the rent by myself. Nurse 3A has offered to let me crash at hers anytime I want, and I would take her up on the offer, but for times like these. She worries enough about me, I don't want her to worry any more. And I know thats redundant, given how we first met and how unwavering she was, but still... it feels appropriate that I shelter her from this life of mine as much as possible.

And my friends... What do they think, I wonder, when I bail on them seemingly for no reason. They had a name for it, they called it the Rock Manouvre. 'You mean Marty's gone without saying goodbye to anyone? Typical.' Even now, when I do say goodbye ( I was at a friends earlier before I went on patrol) I feel compelled to lie to them. Rather than just a simple lie of omission, I usually spin some intricate, detailed story about why I'm going, rather than just say 'I have to go'.

Agh... I don't wanna get into another wangsty tirade about how terrible my life is and how its all my alter ego's fault. Its not why I write in this - its really not (although some of my more cathartic entries have helped me come to terms with some crap that's happened). No... I write in this because, believe it or not, I like to write. And, heh, I like to write about me. Or about things that include me. Which is strange, I never kept a diary before I started this. And truth be told, the only other stuff I write besides this is funny anecdotes in emails. Or my facebook blog. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm tired and sore. I'm going to go shower then go to bed where i'll toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position before I doze off.

I wonder... besides my wounds, is it possible that i'm just so down because its f**king winter? Could it be that simple?

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2010, 08:20 PM   #279
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

26th February 2010

Snow. ****ing... ****ing snow. Its nearly March for crying out loud! I wear layers yes, but my thermals aren't exactly up to the task of coping with minus 5 temperatures every goddamn night.

And its even worse when nothing happens while on patrol. At least when I get into a rumble with someone (or someone's) it keeps my body warm. Although it may come across in this that i'm involved in something every night... there are nights when nothing happens. Nights where I patrol, spend hours running around the city, climbing buildings and treating the cityscape like my own personnel playground. I sit... no, heh, I perch and I wait. I watch crowds, groups, couples; come and go and nothing happens. No-one gets stabbed or beaten or raped. No-one gets hurt. At least not where I am anyway.

When I started this (oh so many years ago) I had a run of successive encounters in those early days. Encounters that greatly boosted my confidence and sense of purpose. Of direction. I think if those early successes hadn't happened, I would have given up quite quickly. The career of the Man In Black would have ended with a whimper. Without anyone knowing who I am or what I do.

So tonight i'm back in the apartment early. Nothing seemed to be happening out in town and... and it was just too goddamn cold to be sitting out, waiting on things happening. Thing is, on those nights when i'm sitting doing nothing, I have lots of time on my hands. Time to think. To plan.

I... heh, oh christ. I'm a nerd at heart. Always have been, always will be. I watch countless movies, I read comicbooks, I watch Star Trek, I like science stuff. I actually love reading comics. One of the things about comics is that if you read about the same character enough you get an understanding, a sense... of the character. You understand what fanboys (myself included) mean when they complain online about Spider-Man acting 'out of character'. Even though they're fictional characters, you get an understanding of how and why a character acts in a certain way. You empathise with them. You identify with them. That's especially true when you're a wannabe superhero just starting out and looking for inspiration. Spider-man and responsibility. Hal Jordan and willpower. Batman and strategy. Planning. For me, that was one of the defining characteristics of Batman. The planning. The 'prep-time'.

I...I read an issue of Batman recently (well... about a year ago) where he (Bruce Wayne, not Dick Grayson) created an alternate personality for himself in case of psychological attack. I read it, and it made me think. Like I said, I have a lot of time to think when i'm out patrolling. When you're perched on a rooftop, rain and wind beating your face and you're half blinded by the orange glare of street-lights, its almost impossible to not welcome the random stream-of-consciousness thought that your mind takes. It was partly a mix of the concept and execution of that particular Batman story that got me thinking - 'what if?'

My mind wouldn't let that that thought go. All of a sudden, countless 'what-if' scenarios were in my head. I went home and started writing. And writing. And writing. This was a year ago. I started writing about things that might happen while on patrol. Scenarios I might come across, situations that I might encounter. I started writing and planning. The more unlikely, the more bizarre the scenario, the more I tried to devise a solution. Like I said, i've a lot of time to think when on patrol, and eventually I ran out of possible situations that might occur when on patrol and I began to imagine what else could happen in my life. And I began to plan for them as well.

Cut to a year later, and... and I have a 'prep-time handbook'. A notebook full of random scribblings, musings and hastily jotted down notes. Originally they were MIB-related, but now... heh... now I don't think there's any one aspect of my life (or possible life) that isn't accounted for. These things range from 'probable' to 'likely' to 'unlikely' to 'downright bizarre'.

In a way, the act of planning is the first step in the creation of an alternate personality. You plan for events and situations so that when they occur you'll already have an idea of what to do. How to act. You plan when you're clear-headed and free from delusion, distraction and external influence so that when the inevitable does happen, you've already anticipated it. You know how to act. Even though it may seem mechanical, coldhearted and overly pragmatic (not to mention paranoid) i've come to realise that its necessary.

My prep-time handbook contains hundreds, no; thousands of possible futures. Ones that are unlikely, ones that I think might happen, and ones that I hope never to happen.

I'm glad of the handbook, as bizarre as some of the scenarios are, they can (and have) happened. And each time i've been prepared. But there's a new situation, and although its one that I prepared for, its one I hoped never to arise. Because there's only one solution.

I have to stop being the Man In Black.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2010, 01:18 PM   #280
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

10th April 2010

Sometimes it amazes me just how much people change. I went down to Limerick at Easter there to visit cousins - cousins I hadn't seen in about 15 years or thereabouts. I mean, i'd seen photo's of them on facebook and the like, but the actual reality of seeing someone you haven't seen in years is completely different.
And I could tell they thought the same about me. 'Where' they must have wondered, 'where is the skinny, gawky awkward kid I used to know?' Over dinner and general catch-up chit-chat, we commented on how we'd all changed and the conversation moved on, but that night I examined myself in the mirror. I saw myself through their eyes. And I didn't recognise myself at all. My posture was upright, my gaze steady and... just my overall demeanour bears very little similarity to the skinny kid I used to be. My body language suggests someone who is supremely confident in anything he does, my speech patterns and cadences have changed - become quieter and more solemn. My clothing, my gait, my physique, my very essence. All changed. And of course it always takes someone else to highlight this sort of thing before you see it yourself. Although the skinny kid is still inside there somewhere. I wonder if its such a good thing that through my improved posture, body language and training that i'm able to mask the underlying insecurities that I feel day to day. That we must all surely feel?

Interesting side note - when I was down in Limerick (and very definitely not in Belfast) the Man In Black was out and about back up in Belfast - busted up a gang in north Belfast, helped tackle a house fire in East Belfast ('he' rescued the cat of all things) and brought coffee and sandwiches to the homeless along the Lisburn Road.

Copycats. And I thought i'd put a bit of a stop to them too.

Anyway, as I was saying before, we all get content in our own lives don't we? Complacent. Each of us trying to eek out some sort of justifiable life; balancing and contending everyday mundanity with our wants, desires, hopes and dreams. Our aspirations. Hiding our own personal fears, demons and insecurities from the rest of the world.

We all eventually get to a point (like it or not) where before we know it, we've gotten ourselves into our own little routine, your own little comfortable shell of existence where our fears are kept at bay by the warm familiarity of routine. Perhaps that consists of seeing a few friends every couple of nights. Perhaps you sit at home alone playing X-Box or PS3 online. Perhaps you argue with your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other. The routine of life. Of staving off the fear.

We live our lives content in the knowledge that we're different from everyone else. We're 'special'. it doesn't matter how or why, there's just something indefinably different about us that makes us somehow... removed from the rest of the human race. Its how most of us live our life, its what enables us to get through our lives.

But every now and then, we're forced to confront the stark reality of the truth. We're on the subway, the bus, walking down the street, thinking we're 'better' than everyone else. No, not better. We wouldn't be so narcissistic to think that now would we? But we're certainly different than everyone else. We're special. We're individuals. We think we're all clued into what life is all about. That we're living it to the fullest and that everyone else is living a mere shadow of an existence. The fools.

Then reality hits you. What we think and how we think is exactly how everyone else thinks as well. We're not different. Not at all. And we're certainly not special.

I think that's what's been up with me recently. And I think thats why I said I had to stop being the Man In Black. I couldn't empathise with others the way I used to. I couldn't empathise and I couldn't help people the way I should be. In short, I had a dose of reality.

When I realised that, I decided that I could either quit as the MIB or... or I could try and recapture; rediscover what it was that made me start it originally. I decided that I would go travelling for a bit. One of my old Wing Chun masters has moved back home to China, and I originally decided to go visit with him for a bit. At the very least, i'd get plenty of training in in his martial arts school. Then, as I thought about the idea more, I thought I could perhaps go farther afield - Australia, New Zealand, hell, the rest of the world if it took my fancy. I don't know, i've always had the travelling bug, i've just never really acted on it.

And now... now i'm in the throes of something very different in my life. Both as Marty and as the MIB. For whatever reason I started this years ago, my passion for it has waned. My empathy and compassion for others has gradually dried up and my resolve is all but spent.

Now it could be that i'm running away from my problems here. Could be that i'm refusing to face my own fears and my own routine - perhaps the very notion of trying to escape routine is in itself a routine. A comfort.

It could be that I don't want to confront aspects of myself any more than I already have. And it could be that deep down I sense that if I stay here for much longer, sooner or later i'll have to.
But it doesn't feel as though i'm running away. Rather it feels like the opposite. It does feel as though I will rediscover some important aspect of myself that i've lost. And I decided something else about what i'll do when i'm travelling. As the saying goes 'wherever you go, there you are.' I'll be in different countries all around the world over the coming months and years. And I decided that I will stop being the Man In Black - in Belfast.

Because as of next month, The Man In Black is going global.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2010, 01:18 PM   #281
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

10th April 2010

Sometimes it amazes me just how much people change. I went down to Limerick at Easter there to visit cousins - cousins I hadn't seen in about 15 years or thereabouts. I mean, i'd seen photo's of them on facebook and the like, but the actual reality of seeing someone you haven't seen in years is completely different.
And I could tell they thought the same about me. 'Where' they must have wondered, 'where is the skinny, gawky awkward kid I used to know?' Over dinner and general catch-up chit-chat, we commented on how we'd all changed and the conversation moved on, but that night I examined myself in the mirror. I saw myself through their eyes. And I didn't recognise myself at all. My posture was upright, my gaze steady and... just my overall demeanour bears very little similarity to the skinny kid I used to be. My body language suggests someone who is supremely confident in anything he does, my speech patterns and cadences have changed - become quieter and more solemn. My clothing, my gait, my physique, my very essence. All changed. And of course it always takes someone else to highlight this sort of thing before you see it yourself. Although the skinny kid is still inside there somewhere. I wonder if its such a good thing that through my improved posture, body language and training that i'm able to mask the underlying insecurities that I feel day to day. That we must all surely feel?

Interesting side note - when I was down in Limerick (and very definitely not in Belfast) the Man In Black was out and about back up in Belfast - busted up a gang in north Belfast, helped tackle a house fire in East Belfast ('he' rescued the cat of all things) and brought coffee and sandwiches to the homeless along the Lisburn Road.

Copycats. And I thought i'd put a bit of a stop to them too.

Anyway, as I was saying before, we all get content in our own lives don't we? Complacent. Each of us trying to eek out some sort of justifiable life; balancing and contending everyday mundanity with our wants, desires, hopes and dreams. Our aspirations. Hiding our own personal fears, demons and insecurities from the rest of the world.

We all eventually get to a point (like it or not) where before we know it, we've gotten ourselves into our own little routine, your own little comfortable shell of existence where our fears are kept at bay by the warm familiarity of routine. Perhaps that consists of seeing a few friends every couple of nights. Perhaps you sit at home alone playing X-Box or PS3 online. Perhaps you argue with your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other. The routine of life. Of staving off the fear.

We live our lives content in the knowledge that we're different from everyone else. We're 'special'. it doesn't matter how or why, there's just something indefinably different about us that makes us somehow... removed from the rest of the human race. Its how most of us live our life, its what enables us to get through our lives.

But every now and then, we're forced to confront the stark reality of the truth. We're on the subway, the bus, walking down the street, thinking we're 'better' than everyone else. No, not better. We wouldn't be so narcissistic to think that now would we? But we're certainly different than everyone else. We're special. We're individuals. We think we're all clued into what life is all about. That we're living it to the fullest and that everyone else is living a mere shadow of an existence. The fools.

Then reality hits you. What we think and how we think is exactly how everyone else thinks as well. We're not different. Not at all. And we're certainly not special.

I think that's what's been up with me recently. And I think thats why I said I had to stop being the Man In Black. I couldn't empathise with others the way I used to. I couldn't empathise and I couldn't help people the way I should be. In short, I had a dose of reality.

When I realised that, I decided that I could either quit as the MIB or... or I could try and recapture; rediscover what it was that made me start it originally. I decided that I would go travelling for a bit. One of my old Wing Chun masters has moved back home to China, and I originally decided to go visit with him for a bit. At the very least, i'd get plenty of training in in his martial arts school. Then, as I thought about the idea more, I thought I could perhaps go farther afield - Australia, New Zealand, hell, the rest of the world if it took my fancy. I don't know, i've always had the travelling bug, i've just never really acted on it.

And now... now i'm in the throes of something very different in my life. Both as Marty and as the MIB. For whatever reason I started this years ago, my passion for it has waned. My empathy and compassion for others has gradually dried up and my resolve is all but spent.

Now it could be that i'm running away from my problems here. Could be that i'm refusing to face my own fears and my own routine - perhaps the very notion of trying to escape routine is in itself a routine. A comfort.

It could be that I don't want to confront aspects of myself any more than I already have. And it could be that deep down I sense that if I stay here for much longer, sooner or later i'll have to.
But it doesn't feel as though i'm running away. Rather it feels like the opposite. It does feel as though I will rediscover some important aspect of myself that i've lost. And I decided something else about what i'll do when i'm travelling. As the saying goes 'wherever you go, there you are.' I'll be in different countries all around the world over the coming months and years. And I decided that I will stop being the Man In Black - in Belfast.

Because as of next month, The Man In Black is going global.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2010, 10:27 PM   #282
missmarvel
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

great story! i really like it so far. keep updating


Last edited by missmarvel; 05-08-2010 at 11:00 PM.
missmarvel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2010, 08:01 AM   #283
Leather Neck
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

You do good work Rambo.

Leather Neck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2010, 10:03 AM   #284
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

Sunday, September 5th 2010

"Because of next month, the Man In Black is going global."

I wrote that back in April 2010. Its now September. When I wrote it, it was kind of true. I'd planned to go back to China for a bit. I'd gotten back in touch with one of my Kung Fu Masters and he'd agreed to let me come back and train for a bit. I guess I needed to regain or rediscover some of the focus and drive I'd originally had but had seemed to have lost. Its weird. Am I the only one who looks back on things; on life; and wonders how its happened that I've changed from the person that I used to be - lets call him Marty 'A' - to the person that I now am - Marty 'B' - ?

And things are different now. I needed to get away. That much is obvious to me now. I worried that I was running away from a problem - that I was deluding myself; that I was merely pretending to 'do the right thing' by taking myself out of the equation (so to speak) for a bit. But I needn't have worried I think. There's nothing quite like getting your ***** kicked in every day by a Kung Fu master for 3 months to sharpen your resolve and focus. After my stint in Kung Fu academy in China, I travelled around the country for as bit as well - I've always had a bit of a fascination with Chinese culture. Some things I saw made me realise just how lucky we have it in the western world. Seeing what I saw and training constantly for 8 or 9 hours a day every day for the past 4 months have... well... lets just say they've changed my perspective. Before I came away I worried too much. I worried about what I was doing. I worried about my motivation. About my ethical and moral right to do what I do. I worried about my reason. My purpose.

You ever see Dragonball Z? There's a saga storyline where all the Saiyans need to lock themselves in a room. A 'room of space and time' for a year so that they can train properly and 'level up' to defeat the baddie. Watch it. When Goku and Gohan walk out of the room and they've done all the l;evelling up they need to and there's a palpable sense of energy and aura about them... - its kind of how I feel now. Super confident - but not arrogant. Like when Harry Potter takes that good luck potion and just has a 'sense' of when things are the right thing to do. Its kind of how I feel. I stepped off the plane earlier today at the George Best Belfast City Airport. I grabbed my battered rucksack and took a train into town. On the way I took in familiar sights such as the polluted Victoria Canal - heh, with the top half of a burned out car showing in the middle at low tide; - Craigantlet; The River Lagan (and the footbridge where'd I'd gotten a kicking a couple of years ago); and the bog. This little short area of nameless bogland right beside Belfast City Airport which - to me - has always embodied the very essence of Belfast. Parts of it were here, untouched 1000 years ago, and parts of it will be here untouched 1000 years from now. I smiled privately to myself as I passed the area on the train. I love this city!

I've spent almost 10 years sacrificing myself and trying to do whats right. I've just spent a quarter of a year bettering myself in the service of my city. I've observed, watched calculated and prepared; from up close and afar. Things are going to change. Starting tomorrow. I'm Back. I've upgraded.

MIB 2.0

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com

Last edited by Rambo, John J; 09-04-2010 at 10:42 AM.
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2010, 08:57 AM   #285
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

The worst thing about my decision to become the MIB was the effect it had on those closest to me. I could see friends and family growing silently but steadily distant as I gradually and surreptitiously sliced myself out of their lives. The glances they cast me on nights out or at family gatherings; wanting to ask me what was going on with me. What had changed. But ultimately deciding to leave well enough alone and just quietly ignore the all too obvious alteration in my personality.

Just as well I suppose. I couldn’t tell them, could I? I couldn’t explain – not with any sort of logic or reason that makes sense. ‘Hey Marty, know how you used to be a bit of a laugh and we’d have a bit of banter on a night out?’
‘Yeah, why?’

‘Well... what’s happened? Now you’re a stiff.’

‘Hh... I decided to become a loner superhero/ vigilante.’

Yeah. I can see how that conversation would have gone really well.

And its kind of like that now. My return from China was pretty low key, and I caught up with all the essential folk – Mum and Dad, family etc. But more now than ever I just feel like a bit of an outsider. I just... things that seemed important before now no longer seem so. And things that i never much considered before I find myself now contemplating all the time. More mature, more serious. With the result that once again those people close (relatively) to me don't seem to know how to handle it. Life as the MIB is... its satisfying. In a way I never thought possible given my upgrade, but personal life is – as always – down the toilet. I wonder, is it my personality that does this, or is this what would happen to anyone who becomes a superhero? Am i naturally predisposed to being contemplative or is this something I should be able to shake off myself?

On the plus side, there’s no longer any suspicion of me being the MIB from my family. Thanks to my copycats being very active in my absence, I’ve a cast iron alibi now. I ‘helped’ their opinions form by acting a complete klutz for a few days on my return – spilling tea, tripping over the carpet, banging my head on the door etc. - with the final straw being my dropping a tray of beers and wine on the floor at a bar in town. What was supposed to be a welcome home meal ended with my younger sister cradling her head in her hands - while the rest of the siblings and parents hurriedly wiped beer off their clothes and handbags – and muttering ‘ I can’t believe I EVER thought you were the Man In Black.

I shot a quick look at my parents – the last thing I wanted at the time was for them to even think anything of the sort, but thankfully they hadn’t heard. They will find out one day, that's inevitable at this point given what I have planned to take things to the next level, but I don't want them to find out second hand, I'd rather tell them myself. I still think of me bleeding out on their kitchen floor the first time I headed out locally in Andersonstown. Luckily, they hadn’t heard, and we continued with the ‘celebratory’ night out – my family getting pissed on beer and wine while I drank soda and lime. Anytime anyone asked me what it was, I’d just say it was a gin and tonic. Another difficulty of being the MIB. Pretending to get drunk whilst everyone around you is drinking like fish. After the first few rounds though, everyone loses track of who’s been drinking what and it makes it that much easier to feign drunkenness. ‘Marty, you want another pint?’ ‘Nah, I’m ok mate, just got a fresh one.’

But yeah, things have changed. Marty 2.0 and all that. There’s a very unique kind of clarity that one experiences after living in a kung fu academy in rural China for a few months and training all day every day and seeing nothing but your kung fu master, trees and (if I’m lucky) a few local peasants. Living by oneself and not having any contact at all with the outside word. Not being able to speak to anyone has a way of making you focus, of sharpening the mind and granting you ability to see paths that were previously hidden.

The mutant kids. My copycats. My identity leaks. The Milkybar Man. Myself. All the things that have happened to me since becoming the MIB. All my problems – social, psychological, physical, mental - all chess pieces on the great game of the battle for Belfast. But the game has changed. I’ve changed. There’s a new path.

You won't believe what I have planned for phase 2.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com

Last edited by Rambo, John J; 09-29-2010 at 12:04 AM.
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2011, 08:01 AM   #286
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

9th June 2011

'The Man in Black going global.'

Just over a year ago that I said that, and although I didn't quite beleive it myself at the time it turns out that I was bang on the money.

Sorry, I'm jumping in halfway through again, aren't I? I realised during a recent re-read of this there's pretty much no continuity between chapters (or updates if you prefer) is there? I make these grandiose statements leaving you with a hook so that you'll read next time and then I leave it for half a year (or maybe a year) before starting up again with a totally new issue/ angsty dilemma.

I don't do it on purpose though. Its just that sometimes (or most times) what seems so important, so crucial, one day, is trivial the next. My moods change, my feelings change. There's no continuity in my life. At all. So i'm not surprised there's none in this. The only thing in my life that has remained a constant over the past 10 years (or however long its been since I started this diary) is the constant presence of the Man in Black and its impact on my life.

I returned from China over half a year ago with a new idea on how to go about things. A renewed resolve and purpose. New ideas and a fresh approach. The Man in Black going global. And my 'phase 2' plan. You're probably wondering what that was and wishing I would get to the point, huh?

Well I did go through with it. For the past few years, there's been plenty of copycats in Belfast. Some trained by me, some seemingly acting on their own. Streets were safer, the gangs of mutant kids driven underground (for now). The simple truth is that when I returned to Belfast, I wasn't really needed. The Men in Black were handling things just fine without me. It was interesting observing and noticing just how quickly my job had been usurped.

Except... it was never really my job to be usurped, was it? Everything I've done over the past ten years has been a reaction to that one event, witnessed on a dark and cold night in winter. A reaction that began as a solitary journey but which gradually picked up followers, copycats, admirers and mentors and ended up being something very different than what I envisioned (not that I envisioned anything in particular) when I started. When I returned to Belfast, it was to a familiar city. The city was the same, but I'd changed. And I realised that for better or worse (hopefully the better) I'd accomplished what (I suppose) was my original goal. To make a difference. And I guess in the end, isn't that the point to anything?

So. Phase 2...

In retrospect it was inevitable. Critical mass and all that. The snowball effect. And interestingly spore-like. The originator starts the ball rolling. Starts something and keeps it going in the initial phase. Nurtures the inital idea/ event or whatever. Things happen, and events take on a life of their own and grow. Sooner or later, somewhere along the way the originator becomes less and less important. Things become self sustaining. The originator is no longer required and indeed may hamper overall progress of the whole. I returned to a city that no longer needed me. And I don't mean 'me' as in the 'Man in Black', but 'me' as in 'Marty'. Belfast has its pick of Men in Black to choose from now to protect it. And I know, because I hand picked them myself.

Its funny how you catch glimpses of the future. This can be nothing more than a half-hearted daydream. An imagining of what your life might be like in half a year; 2 years; 10 years time. But if you hold to that dream, if you work for it, it'll happen. Its what happened to me. I had these ideas about where the Man in Black could go; what I could accomplish. And now the ball is rolling. Bruce Wayne may have beat me to the punch with the conception of Batman: Incorporated, but I had the idea for this years ago. Ten years in the making - even if I didn't know it at the time. A global franchise. A Man in Black in every city I visit. I've set up bases and groups in Beijing, Shanghai, Seoul, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne.

Next stop - Perth.

Its not the Man in Black, not anymore.

From now on its phase 2.

The Men in Black.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2012, 08:19 AM   #287
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

10th October 2012

Bloody hell. 2012. What was it, 10 years ago I started this? 10 years and where am I now?

Over a year and I've gotten used to a life in Perth. It just kind of happened. I arrived with all the intentions of setting up another franchise before I moved on. But somewhere along the way, things changed. I had contacts here before I arrived, but somehow those contacts morphed into friends. Somehow I was persuaded to stay for a while longer. I was persuaded to get a job and get a place. In between going out patrolling and trying to carve some vestige of a life out here... The grand plan I had somehow evaporated.

I had a new circle of friends (well, circles of friends - compartmentalisation comes so easy to me), new patrol routes, new things to do and a new city to learn. But gradually I began to slack off on things. I suppose you could say life got in the way. The grand idea of a Man in Black franchise in every city began to fade, supplanted by mundane everyday things that I never thought would become more important than the mission. But somehow that's exactly what has happened.

Somehow... I became happy. Content. Lazy.

Well... for the most part. Right now I'm ****ing miserable. And I don't know why. Although I suspect my complacency has something to do with it. Its just... I used to deal with this sort of thing by going out patrolling but right now I just feel empty and unmotivated.

It's weird, as bad as things have gotten in the past, I've generally always felt connected. Alive. But right now I just feel numb. Could it be the sheer scale of Perth? Right now I feel like there's nothing I can do to make a difference anywhere in the city. I break up muggings in Northbridge and there's a stabbing and a rape in Mount Lawley. I stop a murder attempt in Leederville and there's a dozen more in the surrounding suburbs. It's just so ****ing big.

I never deluded myself into thinking that I could be everywhere at once, but at least in Belfast I had some measure of certainty that I was having an impact. Here though... I feel out of my element. In Belfast, everyone had heard of the Man in Black. In Perth, virtually no-one has. Belfast seems almost parochial compared to Perth.

In Perth... It's taking longer than I thought to establish myself. Here, I'm just one person swimming against the tide. And I'm drowning.

I guess I'd gotten used to the newspapers making a big deal of me back home. Over here I've gone out night after night in different parts of the city. I've prevented rapes, murders, muggings and stabbings. I've broken up fights and rescued people when they've needed it. And there's never been a mention of me anywhere.

Christ, even the fact that I'm getting wound up about that sort of thing speaks volumes about my current mental state. I don't do this for recognition, I never have, so why am I getting so pissed about it now? I feel like I'm stuck in some phase of arrested development. My mind has been going in circles for weeks and I can't quite figure out why.

To be continued.

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com

Last edited by Rambo, John J; 10-10-2012 at 08:22 AM.
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2012, 10:19 AM   #288
Rambo, John J
Side-Kick
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: 54° 36' N 5° 55' W
Posts: 1,717
Default Re: Diary of a teenage superhero

31st October 2012

My last entry isn't strictly true. I knew then (and know know) why I've been so miserable. But like always, I’ve avoided the issue.

As the Man in Black, I've always been alone. Rather, I've always felt alone. As though this life of mine is not one to be shared, or indeed should be shared. I've never told the truth of this. Not really. Not even to myself. My double life as the Man in Black has been one of lies, deception and misdirection. Even when I want to tell the truth - need to tell the truth; the pre-prepared lies take over.

I had an idea of the Man in Black when I was just starting out. Who he was and what he would stand for. What kind of man he, and by extension, me, would become. There was an idea that he would be a Batman-esque character. Strong, silent, un-yielding. No matter how difficult things got, no matter what happened, the Man in Black would be unwavering, forthright and virtuous. Forsaking a normal life for the benefit of his fellow man. Calm under pressure, with an innate sense of self-belief, caring and magnanimity.

In my arrogance and naivety, I once considered this romantic. The quiet loner, dealing with things in his own way and in his own time. He would patrol at night, go home and write about his experiences in his journal. People in his life would wonder 'where does he go?'. 'What does he do?' And the mystique; the legend; the character would grow.

To a certain extent, this image of who I would become has come true. Outwardly anyway. This is exactly how my life has gone. I am now the exact kind of person that I envisioned I would become all those years ago. The mystique has grown around me. My reputation has spread.

And somehow… it’s gone wrong. I don't know if I've gotten too detached or too close, but somehow I feel as though I've lost control. Not just as Marty, but also as the Man in Black. Friends always assume that because I act calm, smooth and confident, that these behavioural traits comprise my entire person. That I am calm and confident all the way to the core. But lately, (although for all intents and purposes the external facade remains unbroken thus far) I feel as though I'm coming apart. It's only lately that I've endeavoured to do some self analysis and figure out why.

It's been a while since I considered the possibility of a normal life. But life in Perth gradually became stable. Comfortable. I met someone and gradually she became important to me. More important than anyone has in a long time. Perhaps even more so than Kaia. While with her, I caught a glimpse of a life that I could have had.

And it was all predicated on a lie. A lie of omission to be sure, but a lie nonetheless. I wanted so much to tell her the truth. I didn't want to lie to her, but I continued to do so - more out of habit than anything I suppose and eventually my sins found me out. Ironically, she thought I was sneaking off at strange hours to meet another girl. So we broke up.

Somehow she got in. All the defenses I have, my walls against close relationships ever since Kaia and Nurse 3A were somehow completely stripped bare around her, and I don't know how it happened. She got in, and then she broke up with me. It hit me, and hit me hard. The ideal, the Icon of the Man in Black; the reality of what I envisioned all those years ago has come true; and only now do I realise that it's the biggest detriment to my life.

But as they say, life goes on. I soldiered on with things as per usual and pretended I wasn't affected at all, even though I could feel my life coming apart. Even though I felt sick to my stomach at even the thought of her. Because I was affected, more so than I realised.

Early October, I was out patrolling around Leederville having just come directly from a work function in the area. There's a carpark just outside the Hip-e Club and niche bar that's pretty large and pretty desolate at times. I was on my way home having had a successful night of patrolling when I heard a muffled yell from the far end of the car park. There's a small skate park nearby and it seemed to be coming from there. I jogged up and vaulted over the fence to see a group of three huge guys surrounding one smaller guy, two of the group holding the smaller one firmly. The size didn't bother me, it never does because most larger guys don't know how to use their size. I began running towards them. The ringleader had a knife and was mid lunge when I yelled across the skatepark at them. Barely flinching, he drove the knife home into the victim's abdomen and then turned to face me. I didn't stop and ran straight into him, jumping and driving my knee into his chest. But he was a big guy, and although he grunted, and cartwheeled back somewhat, it was clear that he wasn't as hurt or as winded as he should have been.

I turned and threw a lightening punch at his face, intending to break his nose, and he caught my fist. He laughed and twisted my hand back, not breaking my wrist, but not coming too far from it either. Knife still in hand, he stabbed me three times, side, abdomen, and shoulder. Then he kicked me, and I fell over, onto all fours. Briefly I had a flash of a memory of me in Roost bar in almost exactly the same position. Before I could get up, he kicked me swiftly four or five times in the chest, then once in the face.

The entire encounter couldn't have taken much more than 6 or 7 seconds. They didn't even say anything. I was still struggling to get to my feet and attempting some sort of feeble grasp at the ringleaders legs when they casually and matter-of-factly frisked me for a wallet then walked off, cackling.

'Who w's thet *******?'

'Aww... jus' saam faakin prick.' I heard before I passed out. I woke up in hospital early the next morning and struggled to remember the events of the night before. My wounds had been treated and were bandaged, but still painful. As I looked around, I saw that I'd been put in a bed beside the other victim from the last night. He was still sleeping, but had a visitor beside him, a girl of maybe 17 years old. Blond and pale, she looked over as I moved.

'The police said they found you two together?'

I nodded and croaked out a yes.

She frowned and looked me over. 'Do you know my brother?' I shook my head. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by the police walking in. Understandably they had a few questions about the night before. 'What was I doing there', 'Did I know the other victim', 'Did I get a look at the attackers' etc. I answered as best I could, but at that point (and even now) my memory of the night is a little hazy.

After answering questions from the police, we were left to ourselves. The girl looked at me again, 'I'm not sure if my brother is going to make it. They got him good.' She looked down at the ground, her eyes growing distant momentarily, then back to me, focussed and alert, 'You're dressed all in black.' Not an accusation, not a loaded comment, just... a statement of fact. I drifted back to sleep and when I woke again they were both gone.

I've avoided thinking about that night properly. I mean I've thought about it, but I haven't addressed what happened. Not properly. Since then, it feels as though I've been in a state of arrested development. As though life has been going on around me in a blur of motion while I’m standing still. I felt... no, I feel... completely and utterly powerless. Even with everything that's happened in my life, I don't think I've ever felt so completely ineffectual or impotent. One guy, and he took me apart in a matter of seconds. I feel completely divested of everything that makes me... me. And I don't know how to get back to my old self. The façade remains unbroken and untarnished. Outwardly, no-one has any idea what is going on with me. But internally… I don’t even know who or what I am anymore. My life up until now has been defined by the Man in Black. Take that away and what’s left?

Where do I go from here?

__________________
Whats it like to be a real superhero? Find out here...

http://www.superherohype.com/forums/...d.php?t=25552]

or here...

diaryofateenagesuperhero.blogspot.com
Rambo, John J is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:43 AM.

monitoring_string = "dee460792f24517621e3ca080805de7e"
Contact Us - Mobile - SuperHeroHype - ComingSoon.net - Shock Till You Drop - Lost Password - Clear Cookies - Archive - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Top - AdChoices


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SuperHeroHype.com is a property of CraveOnline Media, LLC, an Evolve Media, LLC company. ©2014 All Rights Reserved.