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Old 12-18-2006, 09:41 PM   #1
Kevin
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Default Hell on Earth

How do you guys feel about a combined story? I mean, I'll start it off, and One by one, we add peices to it. I'm asking before I do. This is mostly for fun, as all writing is.

Edit: The story has started down below.


Hell on Earth (The story name)

Index
Part 1 - Page 1
Part 2 - Page 1
Part 3 - Page 1
Part 4 - Page 2
Part 5 - Page 2
Part 6 - Page 2
Part 7 - Page 3
Part 8 - Page 3
Part 9 - Page 4
Part 10 - Page 4
Part 11 - Page 5
Part 12 - Page 6
Part 13 - Page 6
Part 14 - Page 6
Part 15 - Page 7

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Last edited by Kevin; 02-08-2007 at 10:10 PM. Reason: Update
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Old 12-19-2006, 02:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Quote:
Originally Posted by COMICBOY
How do you guys feel about a combined story? I mean, I'll start it off, and One by one, we add peices to it. I'm asking before I do. This is mostly for fun, as all writing is.
I'm busy with a new script. I'll be available to do it after the script is done.

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Old 12-19-2006, 03:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Kool, JJ.

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Old 12-19-2006, 05:19 PM   #4
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Sure, I'm interested, but it depends on what kind of story your writing. I won't write too much, because I'm also working on a script. lol
Hmm, I did something similar to this, a while back. I started the story, but no one continued the story.

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:31 PM   #5
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

I love writing, I like working on characters, dialogue and action as well. I tend to write longer stories, I don't know why, I just do. Anyways, here's a little piece I threw together for this thread.

It was 6:57 AM on Friday morning and I had just finished my graveyard shift work at the lumber mill. Well, actually I also worked an afternoon shift but I was asked to work overtime to do some cleanup around the mill. Me and three of the other workers at the mill, we shoveled and swept huge piles of sawdust. I used a chainsaw to shorten some lengths of wood which were jammed up in various machinery. I worked up a pretty good sweat, we had two coffee breaks, one at 3:00 AM and the other at 5:00 AM. Once we finished everything up we took our locks off the power controls to the machines, put the tools away and took off for the start of the weekened. Some of the other fellows asked if I would go to the pub later that night, I said "Maybe", but to be honest I was a bit under the weather. Actually, I noticed that alot of people have been under the weather as of late.

Regardless I got into my pick-up truck and started the engine, it went through my mind that I should stop by at one of those coffee shops and pick up a donut or something. I was a bit hungry. So I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way down the highway, the mill was several miles out of town. I had just noticed something that was a bit off, there was very little traffic this morning. Any other morning the damn highway was busy like hell, today it was dead calm. Regardless I continued onwards, I couldn't wait to get some donuts and coffee, and then go home and sleep. I saw a car in the other lane heading in my direction, the first car I seen in a couple of miles actually. Suddenly I noticed that the car started to swerve, was this idiot drunk or what? And before I could react, the car smashed into the front end of my truck! I lost control of my vehicle and smashed my head on the steering wheel, everything went black.

When I came to I groaned in pain, I could feel blood trickling down my face. I didn't know how long I was out for so I looked at my watch, 7:57 AM. I sat up and examined myself, nothing was broken or twisted, I had a nasty cut on my head though. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door I stumbled onto the pavement, I wanted to check on the other driver to see if he or she was still alive. The first thing I noticed was the body of woman laying face down on the pavement, it seemed as though she was thrown from the car through the windshield during the accident. The pavement was smeared with blood, I didn't like the look of this. And it hit me again, someone should've drove by and saw the accident and called for help, I saw nobody out there, anywhere! Regardless of that, the woman wasn't moving. I checked for a pulse, she was dead. I noticed something on the otherside of her neck, there was a gaping wound! A chunk of flesh was missing, I stumbled back from the sight. I then approached the vehicle, there was a man in the passengers seat. He was leaning forward, his face just hanging above the dashboard, he was held back by the seatbelt. I saw movement, a slight twitch. I opened the passenger door, "Hello, are you okay sir?" I said.

The man slowly raised his head, there was dry blood caked around his mouth. He turned his head to face me, he stared at me with distant, bloodshot eyes. His face then twisted into a snarl and he let out a spine chilling moan. I jumped back as he tried to claw me, he attempted to lunge at me but was restrained by the seatbelt. He continued to growl and thrash his hands at me. My heart was racing, my mind was spinning, I wasn't sure what to make of this. The man was screaming at me, trying to attack me but he couldn't get to me because he was held back by the seatbelt, and it was though he wasn't aware of it. I slammed the door shut just as I noticed movement coming from my right, I saw the woman, who moments ago, was sprawled out on the pavement face first, dead. My heart skipped a beat, the woman got onto her feet and I saw her face, well what was left of it. Half of her face was peeled off on the pavement, her blood stained jacket glistened under the morning sunlight. She let out a weak moan and stumbled towards me, stretching her arms out towards me.

"This isen't happening!" I cried, I checked the womans pulse, I was sure she was dead. Could I have made a mistake? It was quite possible. And maybe she was crying for help, maybe she wasn't aware of what was happening and she was lost and confused. The woman clumsily stumbled towards me howling, I took a few steps back, unsure of what to do or say. I glanced back at the car, the man i the passenger seat was still squirming in the car, he was actually biting at the window trying to get to me. And before I knew it I was grabbed from the side, the woman then attempted to bite my throat out! I pushed her backwards and she fell back onto the pavement, but she slowly got up and continued to advance. It was then and there I came to the conclusion that this situation was ****ed up, I had to get out of there. I bolted down the side of the highway, I was still far from the city from, but it was better then facing the strangeness back there.

There was a warm draft of wind as I jogged alongside the highway, I don't know how long I was running for, or how far I made it, but I was out of breath and exhausted. I stopped and looked around, I saw no other vehicles since the accident. There was a strange silence about the air, I didn't like that at all. I saw a farm house in the distance, just in a clearing. Maybe somebody was home and I could use the phone and call for help, without hesitation I made my way towards the house.

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

When'd you come up with this?

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:42 PM   #7
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Well it was an idea I had for awhile in my head, just never got around to writing it down, until now. So I just typed it up and posted it here, it took awhile so forgive any mistakes and whatnot.

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Well I like it. So, where this is that this happened? Big City like NYC () Country? And does this character have a name?

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:51 PM   #9
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You know, it could be anywhere. Well my original intention was for it to happen in a small town somewhere in Canada, but it could work just as well for anywhere America as well. Both settings work very well. As for a specific town, i'm not sure yet. Let's just say i've been planning on writing a zombie story for awhile, but for an introduction that idea was in my head. I wasn't thinking of specifics such as location and name, but it comes with time.

I've always been a fan of the zombie genre, it's such an interesting idea.

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:55 PM   #10
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Classic names, I like Frank? You? And remember, this is a team. I'm not in charge, if I suggest anything, just say if you don't like it.

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Old 01-09-2007, 09:59 PM   #11
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

I'll get back to the name later, i've got to get ready to go to work.

I just hope I don't get attacked by zombies!


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Old 01-09-2007, 10:07 PM   #12
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Quote:
Originally Posted by venom4life View Post
I love writing, I like working on characters, dialogue and action as well. I tend to write longer stories, I don't know why, I just do. Anyways, here's a little piece I threw together for this thread.

It was 6:57 AM on Friday morning and I had just finished my graveyard shift work at the lumber mill. Well, actually I also worked an afternoon shift but I was asked to work overtime to do some cleanup around the mill. Me and three of the other workers at the mill, we shoveled and swept huge piles of sawdust. I used a chainsaw to shorten some lengths of wood which were jammed up in various machinery. I worked up a pretty good sweat, we had two coffee breaks, one at 3:00 AM and the other at 5:00 AM. Once we finished everything up we took our locks off the power controls to the machines, put the tools away and took off for the start of the weekened. Some of the other fellows asked if I would go to the pub later that night, I said "Maybe", but to be honest I was a bit under the weather. Actually, I noticed that alot of people have been under the weather as of late.

Regardless I got into my pick-up truck and started the engine, it went through my mind that I should stop by at one of those coffee shops and pick up a donut or something. I was a bit hungry. So I pulled out of the parking lot and made my way down the highway, the mill was several miles out of town. I had just noticed something that was a bit off, there was very little traffic this morning. Any other morning the damn highway was busy like hell, today it was dead calm. Regardless I continued onwards, I couldn't wait to get some donuts and coffee, and then go home and sleep. I saw a car in the other lane heading in my direction, the first car I seen in a couple of miles actually. Suddenly I noticed that the car started to swerve, was this idiot drunk or what? And before I could react, the car smashed into the front end of my truck! I lost control of my vehicle and smashed my head on the steering wheel, everything went black.

When I came to I groaned in pain, I could feel blood trickling down my face. I didn't know how long I was out for so I looked at my watch, 7:57 AM. I sat up and examined myself, nothing was broken or twisted, I had a nasty cut on my head though. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door I stumbled onto the pavement, I wanted to check on the other driver to see if he or she was still alive. The first thing I noticed was the body of woman laying face down on the pavement, it seemed as though she was thrown from the car through the windshield during the accident. The pavement was smeared with blood, I didn't like the look of this. And it hit me again, someone should've drove by and saw the accident and called for help, I saw nobody out there, anywhere! Regardless of that, the woman wasn't moving. I checked for a pulse, she was dead. I noticed something on the otherside of her neck, there was a gaping wound! A chunk of flesh was missing, I stumbled back from the sight. I then approached the vehicle, there was a man in the passengers seat. He was leaning forward, his face just hanging above the dashboard, he was held back by the seatbelt. I saw movement, a slight twitch. I opened the passenger door, "Hello, are you okay sir?" I said.

The man slowly raised his head, there was dry blood caked around his mouth. He turned his head to face me, he stared at me with distant, bloodshot eyes. His face then twisted into a snarl and he let out a spine chilling moan. I jumped back as he tried to claw me, he attempted to lunge at me but was restrained by the seatbelt. He continued to growl and thrash his hands at me. My heart was racing, my mind was spinning, I wasn't sure what to make of this. The man was screaming at me, trying to attack me but he couldn't get to me because he was held back by the seatbelt, and it was though he wasn't aware of it. I slammed the door shut just as I noticed movement coming from my right, I saw the woman, who moments ago, was sprawled out on the pavement face first, dead. My heart skipped a beat, the woman got onto her feet and I saw her face, well what was left of it. Half of her face was peeled off on the pavement, her blood stained jacket glistened under the morning sunlight. She let out a weak moan and stumbled towards me, stretching her arms out towards me.

"This isen't happening!" I cried, I checked the womans pulse, I was sure she was dead. Could I have made a mistake? It was quite possible. And maybe she was crying for help, maybe she wasn't aware of what was happening and she was lost and confused. The woman clumsily stumbled towards me howling, I took a few steps back, unsure of what to do or say. I glanced back at the car, the man i the passenger seat was still squirming in the car, he was actually biting at the window trying to get to me. And before I knew it I was grabbed from the side, the woman then attempted to bite my throat out! I pushed her backwards and she fell back onto the pavement, but she slowly got up and continued to advance. It was then and there I came to the conclusion that this situation was ****ed up, I had to get out of there. I bolted down the side of the highway, I was still far from the city from, but it was better then facing the strangeness back there.

There was a warm draft of wind as I jogged alongside the highway, I don't know how long I was running for, or how far I made it, but I was out of breath and exhausted. I stopped and looked around, I saw no other vehicles since the accident. There was a strange silence about the air, I didn't like that at all. I saw a farm house in the distance, just in a clearing. Maybe somebody was home and I could use the phone and call for help, without hesitation I made my way towards the house.
Nice. Real nice. Hell, good in fact. You are aware that this is in a novel form...and not a script format? Asking...in case you are trying to become a screenwriter or writer (novel).

I say we continue with this story....if it's okay with you two.

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Old 01-09-2007, 10:12 PM   #13
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Thanks, enterthemadness, I appreciate it.

I'm aware it's in novel form, I wasn't sure what format we were supposed to use (lol, I guess I should've read more carefully, my bad). As for me, i'm not planning on becoming a screenwriter or novelist, I just enjoy writing stories, it's bit of a hobby for me.

If you want to continue with this story, by all means go for it! I'd love to see where it can go from there.



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Old 01-09-2007, 10:12 PM   #14
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

I'm already working on the next part.

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Old 01-09-2007, 10:19 PM   #15
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Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Actually, ETM, would you like to write the next part?

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Old 01-09-2007, 10:22 PM   #16
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Heh, awesome!

Power just went out at the place I work, boss called in and theres no shift. I've got the night off! I can't wait to see what you guys come up with.

EDIT:

As for location, you can set it anywhere you want. The reason I said in Canada was, well I tend to set my stories in area's i'm familiar with. If you want it in New York City or whatnot, go for it! Just imagine a full scale zombie plague in such a city!


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Old 01-10-2007, 03:20 AM   #17
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So I just about finished the second part. It'll seem different from the first, sorry. I'll post it later, but I have to spellcheck it first and get some sleep.

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Old 01-10-2007, 08:49 AM   #18
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I call dibs on part III!

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Old 01-10-2007, 12:05 PM   #19
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Ok, I'm not too happy how this turned out, but here it is anyway...

Part two
Every living thing has a POV. A baby, an animal, a bug, it doesn't matter, right? As long as it lives it has a point of view. But what about things that... don't live?

Stop thinking that way! I must've been mistaken when I thought that lady was dead. I had to tell myself as I made my way to the farm house. It had to have been...

I wasn't too far away from the farm house now, I started jogging towards it a few mintues ago. It seemed so far away, every step I took towards it made my heart race faster... and that was the only sound around. It was kind of muggy out too, made me feel too warm, even more so since it was the end of November. And the area was too empty, no people, no cars, there weren't but a few birds around, and felt like they were watching me. I just jogged the rest of the way to the house. When I got to the house I noticed two things. One, there was a car out front, someone had to be home. Two, the front door was wide open. I went to the door.

"Hello?" I called, going into the house, no one answered. It smelt wonderful inside, like a wonderful dinner was made, I was really hungry. That's when I realized it, Thanksgiving was the day before. I really need to call home.

"Is anyone here? I was in a car accident... I need to use your phone!" Still, there no answer, so I made my way through into the livingroom.

The livingroom looked really nice to me, really clean. Infact, the whole downstairs area as I saw was clean. One weird thing was that the lights were on... ALL of them were on, and it was only the begining of the day. They're gonna have a pretty high bill. There was a bathroom downstairs as well, so I went into it to clean off most of the damage caused from the accident. As I was rinsing my face off, a smell caught my nose. It was from the kitchen area, which was just to left of the livingroom, and it wasn't a good smell as the one I smelt from when I first entered the house, it smelt like burning. I raced to the kitchen, the over was smoking. I went to the oven, turned it off, and opened it so the smoke could clear out of it. There was nothing in there. Someone must've left it on. I looked in the refrigerator to see if I could find me a quick snack and maybe something to drink, but then I remembered that there were phone calls I had to make. There wasn't phone in the kitchen, there also wasn't one in the livingroom. I guess it's upstairs for me.

The stairs was just the right when you first enter the house. Going up them I noticed pictures on the wall. In one, There was an old coulple, maybe in their fifties. Another one was of the couple, it was them younger, and a little boy, it must've beem their son. It reminded my of MY son, he's ten. At the moment he should be in schoool, his mother should be home. Why am I taking so long to get to the phone? I ran up the rest of the way, neglecting the rest of the pictures, and onto the second floor.

"Hello? Anyone up here?" I asked as I walked to the first room. There were only two, and the first one looked like a kid's room, except that there were toy's neatly place on the shelf, and the bed perfectly made. I left and went into the room just across from it, It must be the couple's. On the nightstand, closest to the door, next to the bed was the phone. I sat down and picked it up. It was working! I hung it up.

Call them. I picked up the phone again, but then hung it back up. Damn it, pick up the phone and call them! Why was I stalling? I know why.. It was fear. I couldn't be afraid at that moment. You have to call your family and make sure they are ok. What if they weren't? Pick up the damn phone!! I picked it up and dailed my home number.

I started breathing fast. *Riiiiing* My heart felt like it was in my throat. *Riiiiing* I stopped breathing. *Riiing* and I closed my eyes as I got a response from the other end of the line. "We're not home right not, Please leave a message." *Beep* It was their voices, my wife and son's, on the outgoing message... I was at work the day they did it. At least the operator didn't come on to say the phone's been disconnected. That means nothing bad has happend. My wife has to be fine. And that's what I told myself after I tried her cell and my then my son's school, getting the same response. They have to be fine. I just sat on the bed for a while, don't know how long, but it was a while. I was Hungry, tired, and didn't feel too well. I Looked at my watch, it was 9: 08 AM. Maybe I should rest my eyes for a few minutes. And I began to... until I heard a noise from outside.

I got up quickly, maybe too quicky, I started to feel light headed. I headed for the window, it turned out the view was to the back of the house. There stood the barn. Horses stay in barns... I then remembered that the door was wide open when I arrived. ...And where there are horses, there are people! I made my way towards the bedroom door, then down the stairs, and out the back door. I heard the noise again, it was weird and loud, but I've heard it before, just earlier... someone was moaning in pain. That made me nervous, but I raced to the barn anyway, as fast as I could. Maybe there's someone I could help. When I got there, I almost threw up. There were four horses, all dead on the ground, all looked like there were chucks of meat missing off of them. It smelt even worst than it looked, if that's even possible. At least I was no longer hungry. They must've went mad, started eating each other. I looked around and found no one. I started getting this weird feeling, like my stomach was doing flips, I had to get out of there. As I turned and started walking, I tripped over something and fell onto my right side. I fell pretty hard, I gave off a loud scream, something stabbed into my arm. It was a pitchfork. My arm was hurting like crazy with the pitchfork in it, it went even crazier when I pulled my arm free from its prongs. It hurt to move it, but I had to get up and get the hell out of this place. I had to find out what was going on. What the hell..? I thought to myself as I discovered it was a shoe that I had tripped over. I picked it up, there was a foot in it. It looked like it was chopped off. I tossed it away immediately.

You ever have that feeling that the air around you just moved? Not like the wind, but the atmosphere? That's what I felt right before something grabbed at my shoulder. By instict I flinched my left elbow hitting whatever it was and started crawling away. I think my heart stopped beating for a few moments. I could barely think, I was terrifeid, but crawling was how my body reacted. I kept crawling and it was crawling after me. It grabbed my foot, but I kicked it away. I was crawling until I was backed into a corner, that's when I got a good look at what was after me. It was an old lady, the one from the pictures it seemed, she had blood all over her face, blood in her eyes, and moaning like she was dying. Looking further, I realized that she was missing a foot, the foot I had in my hand just moments before. She was getting closer, I looked around, there was nothing I could use to defend myself, my arm was killing me, it was over. I closed my eyes and thought of my family. I'll be with you someday. I was holding my breath waiting for it to happen, but all I heard was a "thunk" sound. I opened my eyes, looked up, and there stood a man looking down at me with tears in his eyes. He was holding onto the pitchfork, it was now in the old lady's head.

"There better be a damn good reason I had to kill my mother. Who the hell are you, and what are you doing on my daddy's property?" He angrily spat at me. I couldn't come up with an answer, and everything went black from there.

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Old 01-10-2007, 12:35 PM   #20
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I call dibs on part III!
*sigh* sorry.

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Old 01-10-2007, 12:58 PM   #21
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I will post part III soon. It will be in a script format (the best I can get it in on a board) and will give the boy a name. btw, how old is the boy? The one that killed his zombie mom? Young? Teen?

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Old 01-10-2007, 01:15 PM   #22
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I would say between 19- 24

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Old 01-10-2007, 01:17 PM   #23
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What ever age you feel like really. Have fun.

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Old 01-10-2007, 01:53 PM   #24
enterthemadness
The Triumvirate
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Mortalville!
Posts: 28,261
Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

PART III

INT. BARN -- FIRST FLOOR

Frank lays on the barn floor unconscious.

DAVID, 20, walks up to him carrying a bucket of water in one hand. He throws the water at Frank. It splashes him in the face and he sits up.

DAVID: I'm not going to drag you into the house.

FRANK: Thank you for saving me.

DAVID: Do you have a answer since you've slept on it?

FRANK: For what?

DAVID: You know what.

FRANK: She was crazed. She was going to kill and eat me if you didn't do what you did.

DAVID: She was still my mother. Now, why are you here on my daddy's property?

FRANK: I saw this place while on foot and decided to come here to see if anyone was here.

DAVID: People are acting like my mother was?

FRANK: Yes, I came to get help.

DAVID: Well, you have help, now.
(beat)
Follow me inside the house.

He turns around and walks towards the barn's entrance.

Frank stands up and follows him.

INT. HOUSE -- KITCHEN -- CONTINOUS

David and Frank walk into the kitchen.

DAVID: You starving?

FRANK: I was, until I saw the horses.

DAVID: You're going to have to eat sometime.

Frank coughs.

DAVID(CONT'D): You're sick?

FRANK: It's nothing. Just felt a little under the wheather since I got off work this morning.

DAVID: Graveyard shift?

FRANK: Yeah.

DAVID: If you turn into what my mother was...I won't hesistate putting you down.

FRANK: I'm not going to turn into what she was.

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Last edited by enterthemadness; 01-10-2007 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 01-10-2007, 02:36 PM   #25
Hugebear
Supervillain
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 497
Default Re: Thought I'd ask if we could work on something together for once.

Hey, this is pretty good.
I'll take on part 4. K
I'm going to start to work on it now.

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