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Old 12-19-2006, 01:44 PM   #1
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Default X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

A bit of history first...

This whole parody was spawned during a brief discussion in the Cyke thread regarding the possibily of Cyclops and Emma Frost' parts in an X-4. Being the disgruntled Cyke fan that I am, I pointed out that whoever writes the script would find a really really cheap way to make sure Cyke and Emma don't slaughter the X-Men in five seconds flat. Which they, ya know, totally would.

Anyway, I posted part of this on the Cyke and "don't like X3" threads, but what the hell, I figured I might as well post it in here.

Wanted to post the thing on ffnet, but then I read the agreement thingy more carefully and realized they just don't accept script format. Only would take an angry X3 defender, eh.

Which leads us to this thread. Figured it beats having the various parts spread through another thread or, ya know, just clogging up the thread.


I do want to point out a few things before posting the thing:

- THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN. While I do mean the bashing, it is done with a twinkle in the eye. I'm merely mocking X3's script and the allegedly "epic" approach they were going for by applying all of X3's... huh... questionable traits... to a sequel.

- X3 defenders beware!!!!!!! Do I really have to elaborate on that one????

- I'm not bashing the actors involved the films although I do poke fun at Wolverine and Storm a lot. I like their comicverse counterparts. I have nothing against Berry and Jackman seems like a really cool guy. I'm just poking fun at how badly most characters were handled and those two just happened to be the most proeminent good guys in X3. Eh.

- Scott/Jean fans won't appreciate. Scott/Emma fans should get a good laugh out of the second half, though. Those wishing for a cooler Dark Phoenix probably will, too.

Oh well.



Last edited by DarthCyclopsRLZ; 12-29-2006 at 01:16 PM.
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Old 12-19-2006, 01:59 PM   #2
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

Sorry for the weird 10 mins delay, lol. Server had to go all screwy on me at about the worst time.

Anyway, here's the first part. Note, for those who've read it, that:

1 - one scene has been added (dawned on me I kinda forgot to mock the 'military is so stupid/mutants ROXOR' angle)

2 - slight alterations sprinkled throughout the whole thing. Removed most of the curse words to give it a more cynical tone. Turned out quite nicely IMO.


X-4: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand (see, it's a witty tribute to X3's title just to reiterate that it wasn't a travesty of the source material ) Pt. I


Opening monologue given by Wolverine (christ, he does next to EVERYTHING in the movieverse anyway, no matter how OOC, so might as well let him) : Evolution blah blah blah Good Fight blah blah blah Sacrifice and oh yeah, Cyclops most certainly DID NOT die for no reason at all blah blah blah Fox Execs don't over-identify with me, they're the smartest people in the world and I really am that cool blah blah

Scene 1: Camera zooms in on the Alkali Lake region. Eventually, the audience gets to see hikers find an unconscious Scott Summers wearing only pink pants or something equally ridiculous (the more ooc the better).

Reiterating every five seconds that Logan is more manly than Cyke most certainly is the epitome of subtle. Nor does it give a valid reason to joke about how Fox Execs have it bad (insert boner joke here) for Wolvie.

Just as Scott opens his eyes, the scene cuts to a neatly furnished office with Emma Frost opening her eyes and slowly smiling. Rather than merely being shown the shadow of a devious smile creeping up her face, the audience is fed some witty line like "Well, hello, darling". Mmm, you know what, that one’s pretty good compared to what was in X3. Anyway, evil maniacal laughter follows suit. Shots of her cleavage are also thrown in for the 13-years old hormone-crazed crowd.

Scene 2: Audience now gets the inevitable Danger Room scene that must showcase Logan and Storm's a$$$-kicking capabilities. Either that or some random battle with evil mutants somewhere. Whatever. Cheesy one-liners must reign supreme. Anything to do with panties qualifies as clever. Oh yeah, and Logan gets to smoke cigars in the middle of a f****n battle of all things. He is that cool. Refer to opening monologue.

Scene 3: Storm is now whining about something. Mutation not being a disease, doing the right thing or chosing sides, whatever. For some OOC reason Logan does NOT tell her to calm the f*** down (or just f*** off, whatever). An alternative to said exchange would be to have a character comment on how good looking her hair is for no reason whatsoever. It apparently excuses the trauma we had to go through during X1 & X2.

Scene 4: X-Kids in the rec room are watching some scumbag senator spouting naziesque non-sense on TV to remind us that there is still a threat for all mutants. Might as well use the Registration Act plotline because it hasn't been used already. Not that it’s going to be used later on, but what the hell. The more plotlines the better.

Scene 5: Some meanie military guy and powerful political figure (who cares, as long as he doesn’t seem to be in the mutants’ corner) talk about how the Registration Act is just a subtle way of rounding up all mutants and sending them off to camps where they’ll most likely be executed. Either that or they just mention Sentinels. It seems a lot of fans are begging for those. Anyway, make sure non-mutants meanies appear waaayyyy full of themselves to make it all the more meaningful when they eventually realize later on that mutants rock the hardest.

Scene 6: Have a 'Oh-my-gawd, the professor is back(!!!) and Jean is alive but not evil!!! Wooooohooooo!!!!' feelgood moment. The whole mansion celebrates and not a single mention of Cyclops is made. EVER. Even in such circumstances, what with his fiancee/murderer and spiritual father (well, comicverse anyway) coming back from the dead while he doesn’t get to.

Oh yeah, have a flashback of his tombstone getting blasted during a thunderstom and no one ever noticing. Nah, make that every inhabitant of the mansion pissing on it. Because, you know, having people mourn a guy who's been there from day f****n one in pretty much any Xverse would be bad for the movie's pace. Really. One has to make the best use of every scene while making a 2 hours plus epic.

Scene 7: The baddies are introduced because it's an EPIC and the previous happy moment must be diluted in the most meaningful way possible. That's what good storytelling is all about. Magneto stands proud in his spiffy battle gear and strikes a deal with the Hellfire Club as they agree that exterminating humans is the only way to go. McKellen gets to look cool (no joke there, he PWNED in the movies) and moan about mutant superiority for about ten minutes. Because we didn’t get he wants all humans dead in the first two movies.

Anyway, our devious bunch seal the deal with a shake of hands and the camera zooms on Sebastian Shaw's crossed fingers behind his back(clever foreshadowing!!!!). Note that one must disregard the fact that Mags is a ruthless brilliant man in the comicverse and that he would see the betrayal coming about, oh, 66 miles away. Refer to the whole ‘tactical moron /moving bridges is a good idea’ angle from X3.


To Be Continued...

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Old 12-19-2006, 02:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

X-4: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand (see, it's a witty tribute to X3's title just to reiterate that it wasn't a travesty of the source material ) Pt. II


Scene 8: The 'seduction' of Cyclops. He wakes up from his slumber amnesiac and Emma convinces him they were together and real happy at that. Nah, scratch that. He gets brainwashed again to reiterate that he’s lame and that Wolverine ROXOR. Audience is regaled with about 5 minutes of the pair's character development.

One could suggest hinting that Emma might like what she finds inside Cyke's messed up head, but that could make Cyke likeable and that's a big no-no. On second thought, the scene should last 3 mins long tops because that's about how much we saw of Cyke in the past two movies anyway.

Scene 9: Cassandra Nova incapacitates the professor in an EPIC psychic battle. Oh, she’s part of the Hellfire club, by the way. She was the creep in the shadows. For crying out loud, folks, she was on-screen for like 3 seconds. That qualifies as character development. Seriously.

Scene 10: The Hellfire Club brainwashes a bunch of expendable evil mutants into attacking the mansion. Completely OOC since they would strike from the shadows first and THEN finish off whoever's defending the mansion, but we really need a big EPIC (never forget that angle) action scene.

Sabertooth makes a WTF kind of return so Logan can kick his a$$$ and they can hint at the two of them having a past via the use of clever one-liners (might as well use *something* from the source material - the past between the two, not decent dialogue, mind you). Oh, the whole 'Sabertooth was a vicious murderer’ angle is ignored because kiddies couldn't deal. Fluffy growling villains are just so much cuter. You just wanted to pet him after X1 and you all damn well know it.

Some random evil chick is there too so that Storm can fry her - thus reiterating that catfights are hot. Epic, too. Nevermind the fact that Storm as Xavier's substitute should really really know better than go for public displays of berserker's rage that would make comicverse Sabertooth proud.

Pyro is also brought in and has a fifteen seconds epic battle with Iceman (fire and ice!!!! CLEVER!!!!!) during which they basically just stand there and kill each other with glorious one-liners.

Rather than have Colossus do anything, he gets to throw Wolvie at Juggernaut so that Wolvie can kill him. Never forget that he really is that cool. Oh, and Jean goes evil in the middle of the fight. Just because. Hellfire, Phoenix... being tr00 to the source material!!!!! Just humor us and assume the Club can pull it off, all right?

Scene 11: We now get a powerful emotional scene with Logan crying and going on about how he loves Jean and how he'll die a thousand times over for her and how he's dreamed of her his whole life and how he will reach for her hand the day he dies. Mmm... might as well scratch those last three - wayyyy too deep for movieverse. And let's ignore the fact that he knew the woman for a whole week – maybe - and wanted to screw her brains out at first sight. We're talking star-crossed lovers material, folks. The first two movies were like the best romance ever, see? Having the pair kiss while Cyke is either MIA or KIA qualifies as romantic and doesn’t make them despiteful wretches. Refer to the star-crossed lovers thingy.

Scene 12: Logan gives a speech to the comatose Xavier about how he's thankful for everything he did for him (whatever the hell it is short of giving him cryptic advice and being a complete a$$$ in X3) and how he's going to take care of the kids (they gave Cyke's personality to Wolvie in X3, so what the hell, might as well go for a ripoff of X1's rather touching speech).

Xavier suddenly wakes up and reveals that his evil twin sister (Nova, duh, where were you during those three seconds?) and the Hellfire Club masterminded the attack. Yes, the only reason for this scene is so the X-Men can have a clue as to where to strike. It's called GENIUS storytelling. Not only that, but Chuck actually gets to do something in the movies besides, hummm, giving Wolvie a tour of the mansion, talking a lot and telling Mags he’ll be there for the next round although they never actually face each other in any battle of some sort. The cringe-inducing "psychology 101/good cop/bad cop" bit at the Grey mansion in X3 most certainly does not count.

Scene 13: And now the audience is given a glorious spiffy montage of the team preparing for battle. As they prepare to board the X-Jet, have Logan and Storm give a cliched inspirational speech about how they have to save Jean and take the fight to the bad guys and do what must be done and STAND TOGETHER because THEY'RE A TEAM. Throw in some witty line about it being their LAST STAND. FOR REAL THIS TIME. It's gonna be soooooooo EPIC.

And yet none of the good guys are going to die during the final battle and the whole kickass 10 minutes-long scene will turn out to be a colossal waste of time since Phoenix will conveniently smoke everyone but the good guys and then get PWNED by Wolverine (yet another subtle hint at how cool he is), but hey, what the hell.

Scene 14: Jean/Dark Phoenix is now back at the Hellfire Club with the bad guys. It is revealed they resurrected her with the help of a certain Essex who’s not around for the scene (Cameos PWNZ!!!! And we have a villain for X5!!!!!!).

Oh, that’s all you get for the explanation of Jean’s resurrection. Being dead serious here – and yet another pun which kills (gasp, two for one!!) anything from X3.

Back to the actual scene. It is revealed that it was Hellfire that made her go crazy at the mansion so she could finish off Xavier. Whatever. As long as it has to do with doing naughty things to the good guys, it qualifies as a a good plotline.

As expected, the Club members are pissed she didn't succeed and berate her for it.

And being real mean while at it.

Dark Phoenix’ response is to start crying.


To Be Continued...

EDIT: Will post the rest either later tonight or tomorrow in the morning. Am about to hit the gym anyway and I'll have to take a good 10 mins re-editing the other half anyway. Oh well.

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Old 12-19-2006, 03:29 PM   #4
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

You are a genius! Did I ever tell you how cool you are? Seriously, I want my money back on people like....and get a store credit for you.

The best theory on Red Matter I've yet heard:
The death-knell of a billion red-shirts lost in duty, focusing their agony for a singular plot-point. -- The Internetz

Spoiler!!! Click to Read!:
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Old 12-19-2006, 05:07 PM   #5
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

All right, back from the gym and proofread one last time the second half, so there it is.

Fans of Scott and Dark Phoenix rejoice, they don't get the shaft for once and will get their (separate, but still) happy endings.

X-4: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand (see, it's a witty tribute to X3's title just to reiterate that it wasn't a travesty of the source material ) Pt. III


The scene involving Dark Phoenix and the Hellfire Club cuts abruptly as the viewer sees flashes of the Fox building being burned down by angry X-Fans (not just Cyke's) who have a clue regarding the source material's... mmm... one could say subtext, but it would imply that Rothman, Kinberg, Penn & Cie had a basic understanding of the message/point of the Dark Phoenix storyline in its simplest form. Just... NO.

Cyclops fans (those aknowledging that movieverse Scott/Jean was a joke anyway and not having a problem with Scott/Emma) can be seen penning the rest of the script, high-fiving each other and laughing maniacally. Kinberg and Penn can be heard off-screen moaning about how X3 was the best script ever. Rothman can also be heard reiterating that no one at Fox – especially not him - over-identify with Wolverine.

Finally, one can hear Claremont yelling about how he's sick of defending those two hacks and ‘how the hell could Fox greenlight that sorry excuse of a script??!!’ Said rant ends with an enthusiastic ‘screw you guys, I’m going home!'


Jean/Dark Phoenix suddenly recovers from the OOC crying bit (well, for an eternal almighty entity anyway) . She angrily points out that she recovered from f****n dying mere days ago and that seriously, bad guys should spend more than five bloody minutes planning their big move. For crying out loud, one doesn’t just wing evil masterplans. But then again, it’s hard to have an EPIC final battle if villains are more clever than brainless thugs.

The five baddies (we only know 3 of them by name, but what the hell, as long as we get to see their powers) suddenly start to bicker and regale the audience with witty lines regarding super-villains' ethics.

Jean just start muttering to herself, goes to fix herself a drink and waits patiently.

The baddies finally agree that they need to do something HUGE for the final battle because subtletly is frankly overrated. Refer to the epic angle subtly sprinkled throughout the script.

Jean points out that having an angry GODDESS hell bent on destroying the universe in your corner would make arguing over such matter a colossal waste of time, but she is interrupted by Emma Frost barging inside the room with her new brainwashed little lust puppet, Cyclops.

Awkward moment as Jean and Scott stare at each other. One can easily tell he's glaring under his visor.

The baddies are oblivious to the short exchange and decide to lash out at Emma for the failure of the mansion attack since she's with Cyclops. They point out that he is of absolutely no use since Movieverse Cyclops can't do anything short of shooting an old man in the back and having fistfight scenes MOSTLY OFF-CAMERA (damn you, Singer, just... damn you). Something about how the other mutants wouldn't look so much L33T and that, seriously, she really really should know better than associate herself with any male that can be seen as direct competition for Logan in any whatsoever relevant way.

Emma doesn't take kindly to her intellect being questioned and threatens to fry all of their brains. Shaw acts all smug about some neural scrambler thingy and explains how his power make Cyclops' blasts useless (Come on, if there ever is an X4 with the Hellfire Club, you just know we’ll get the bloody monologue and that it’ll last like 5 minutes). Mags also gets a witty line about how uber his helm is. Yes, we do need to be reminded in every movie.

Emma just raises an eyebrow and looks at Scott. "Darling, if you would?"

The Hellfire club just laughs. Of course they do. It's movieverse Cyclops. It’s not as if he could level a bloody battlefield by merely staring at it.

Cyclops blasts Mags' helm and Shaw's scrambler thingy. Being the gentleman that he is, he also decapitates Nova and the other telepath in the room, Mastermind (yes, that's the name and power of the fourth baddie - you're lucky to get that much info. Seriously.) to spare Emma the headache.


Jean looks on in interest at the pair while the rest of the baddies scream in outrage. Something about violating the most sacred rule of all X-Movies. The whining comes to a sudden halt as Emma's eyes glow white and the rest of the baddies fall dead.

Jean bites her lip and looks up at the pair, not quite able to meet their eyes. "Huh, hi, Scott. Long time no see."

"Red." Scott's tone is anything but warm.

"You're not mad, are you?”

Scott just glares.

“I didn't have much of a choice. Honestly."

"I say we just kill her." Emma smirks. "Just in case they want to turn me into another you."

"Hey, I resent that." Scott protests with a scoff.

"You do?" Emma gives him a suspicious look and takes a step back. "Wait, you..."

"Yeah, the brainwashing didn't take." Scott smiles as he reaches for her hand and tugs gently.

She doesn't budge and narrows her eyes at him.

“What? Being brainwashed and used as a pawn sure beats the whole ‘my fiancee wanting to screw someone else’s brains out while I’m MIA’ thingy.” Scott shrugs. "Besides, there's just something about back-stabbing manipulative elitists."

The corner of her mouth eventually twitches in amusement. "Awww, you're so sweet."

"I try."

This time, Emma does grin. "And I suppose there is something about emotionally stunted goody two shoes slash tough guys."


"And you lied to me." She adds with a gleam in her eyes.

"You didn't technically ask whether I was brainwashed or not."

"But I suggested we kill all of the other annoying goody two shoes. You approved."

"I know. And it wasn't just for the mind-blowing s..."

"PG-13, darling. That's a big no-no." She frowns slightly. "You're really okay with the murderous angle of my plan?"

"The person who seemed the most concerned about my disappearance was Logan of all people. The guy who wanted to screw Jean the second she woke up. Disturbing on so many levels. Slash writers would’ve been screaming in joy had it not been for the ‘me being dead’ angle.” He shakes his head. “Do you really think I needed the brainwashing as an excuse to smoke them all?"

Emma's face breaks into a genuine grin as she scoots closer and throws her arms around Scott's neck. "Darling, I am so proud of you."

"Thanks." His smiles grows even wider as he wraps his arms around her waist and draws her closer. The two of them smile at each other and both lean in for a kiss. The sound of Jean clearing her throat interrupts the moment. Scott just lets out a long suffering sigh and Emma glares at Jean as the two reluctantly reposition themselves so they can both face the miffed redhead.

"She's still here." Emma notes, not bothering to conceal her annoyance as she leans against Scott's chest.

"Well, she's not too good at taking hints." Scott shrugs as he wraps his arms around her waist.

"Excuse me?" Jean asks as she abruptly stands up, her temper (might as well use source material once every decade) flaring.

Emma smiles sweetly at her. "Hon, they gave you the intellect of a petulant four years-old who got mad because daddy wouldn't let her out so she could play with the other kids."

“Once again with the disturbing angle.” Scott deadpans.

Jean lets out a long suffering sigh of her own and shakes her head. A moment later, a frown appears on her face. "Is that why you're not mad at me?"

Scott shrugs. "Well, I figure it's not so bad to get killed off-screen by some angry slash confused goddess..."

"With the intellect of a four years old." Emma reminds him slyly, smirking as she cranes her neck to look up at him.

Scott lets out a low growl and glares. Her smirk doesn't falter one bit. Scott shakes his head and doesn't even bother fighting one of his own. "The point is, compared to yours, my death was simply glorious."

"Wait a second, Logan killed me in the comi..."

"You weren't really trying to actually destroy him." Scott points out. "You just sort of let him do it."

The corner of Jean's mouth twitches in anger. "Should've tried smoking those hacks and executives instead." She mutters with a shake of her head.


"So, what now?" Jean asks with a raised eyebrow. "I'm fairly certain I'm supposed to at least try to kill someone."

"Well, since Scott here isn't Logan's rival anymore, there just isn't much of a reason to kill him, hon." Emma smiles at her sweetly.

"How about I just kill you instead?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "You were going to dump him anyway."

"Hey, I never said I loved Logan!”

“Oh, that.” Scott mutters darkly. “Right, cause we all bought the argument about how that one thing justifies how bad I got screwed over in the movies.”

“Okay, so it wasn’t much, but still...” Jean protests.

Emma scoffs. "Hon, they barely even aknowledged the story between the two of you except for the out-of-nowhere forced sweetness at the end of X2." She raises an eyebrow. "Not that I'm complaining, but still, you'd expect..."

"Fine. How about I just kill you out of sheer spite? Would that work?"

"Jean, no." Scott practically growls. "I've been a pretty good sport about you flirting with some other guy in my face and then killing me of all things. Not to mention I did kickstart the whole resurrection bit. Just... no."

Jean sighs only to eventually grin. "I knew you'd bring that up." She shakes her head and pointedly glances at the corpses on the floor. "What now? You killed all the bad guys. There's no one else around to betray or slaughter to prove that I'm 'evil'" She scowls as she mimics quotations in the air to accentuate the last word. "Apparently, that’s about as far as my character development goes.”

Scott and Emma exchange amused glances.

“Do I even get to do anything remotely sensical before the ‘epic’ final showdown?” Jean asks bitterly, once again miming quotation marks.

"Nah, you basically just stand there and wait for Logan to kill you.” Scott bites his lip. “Again.”

"You mean I'll let him kill me this time because of the guilt or something." Jean says with a raised eyebrow.


"If not guilt, then, what... out of love?"

"Nope. It would seem we're stuck in a poorly scripted Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rip-off. Well, Fox and those two hacks think so anyway. The love you bear for all of those you care for has absolutely nothing to do with your redemption. Which you don't get, by the way." Scott gives her a genuinely sympathetic glance. "Sorry."

Jean just glares as she lets it sink in.

"So I just get my a$$$ kicked? Again!!!???"


"They can't possibly not aknowledge the fact that I destroy worlds for a living, right? I eat actual stars for breakfast, for crying out loud!" Jean cries in outrage.


"Movieverse, hon." Emma offers with what almost sounds like a sympathetic tone. Almost.

"But I'll come back with a vengeance, right? Please tell me I get to blow up half the planet or something."

Scott's moutch twitches as he suppresses a scowl. "Props only. Sorry."

"So, what, they keep killing me over and over and I don't ever get my violence fix just so the Wolverine can look cool?"


"Oh." Jean's face falls as she plops down dejectedly in her seat. She glares at her finished drink mournfully. "It's times like this I wish goddesses could get drunk."

And with that, Dark Phoenix started sulking.


To Be Continued...

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Old 12-19-2006, 05:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand

And now, ladies and gents, the epic conclusion!!!!!

X-4: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand (see, it's a witty tribute to X3's title just to reiterate that it wasn't a travesty of the source material ) Pt. IV


It took moments for either Emma or Scott to dare make a comment at the sight before them.

"Damn you, Summers."

"I didn't say anything."

"You're thinking it loud enough for me to hear."

"It's working, isn't it?"

"Why, of all the... Fine, so I do feel bad for her. Still, I can't believe anyone could be that forgiving."

"Grateful, actually."


"Can't blame me for the movie’s weak third act, now can they? Besides, it doesn't quite qualify as being nice since we were going to do it anyway."

"I suppose it beats having to deal with the resurrection drama every year or so."

"I'll make it up to you."

"I don't doubt that for one second. Not one second."

The two exchange smirks full of promises before returning their attention to the sulking readhead.

"Red?" Scott asks with an amused tone.

"What?" Jean practically snarls.

"We did have other plans for the day, but I suppose we could go by the mansion and slaughter them all for you."

"Other plans?" Jean frowns for a second before taking in the smirks covering their faces. "Oh." She blinks. "Now of all time?"

"We were sort of hoping they'd slaughter each other." Scott explains with a shrug. "Something about only having to deal with whoever was left standing rather than the whole bunch."

"I see." Jean deadpans.

"Evil doesn't have to be sloppy nor dumb, hon."

"I know what’s a well-written bad guy." Jean glares at the other woman. "Not my fault they don’t. Christ, all they had to do was to have good ol’ Mags use another machine to do something naughty and it would’ve been better. And exactly why the hell is he even that big of a part of the f****n Dark Phoenix Saga?"

"I think she's missing the point." Scott chuckles.

Jean just glares at him before her eyes widen in realization. "You'd kill them all? For me?"

"... Yeah. "

Jean gives him a suspicious look. "What's the catch?"

"The 'catch' is that we don't want you to blow up this planet nor its inhabitants. The sun, too. We're - I'm - going to need it for our hostile takeover of the world and subsequent ruthless reign of terror."

Jean beams instantly. "Ooooh. Can I help?"

Emma gives her a reproachful look. “Hon, you know very well you'd hog all the fun."

"Can I watch, then?"

Scott cringes and doesn't have to look down at Emma to know she does to.

"If it were in any other circumstance, I'd be so..."

"...creeped out. I know, darling. I know."

Scott shakes his head and glances back in Jean’s direction. "Sure, Red, whatever."

"Deal!" Jean claps her hands exitedly as she stands up and smiles at the pair. "So what's the plan? Bloody ambush in your lair of terror?"

Emma raises an eyebrow. "Actually, Logan and Storm are still giving their speech."

"You're kidding me."

Scott scoffs. "You actually missed the whole power trip angle?"

Jean sends him a glare. "I was busy trying to kill all that lives.” She snorts. “I wish.”

Scott and Emma raise their eyebrows in synch, obviously not convinced by such an argument.

“I had to suffer the wig they gave Storm in X2.” Jean shudders. “I just try to block her out, really.”

Scott chuckles. "Never thought I'd ever say that being beaten up by a girl, captured, brainwashed and ignored for most of a movie had its perks."

Jean rolls her eyes. “As for Logan, well, I don’t even bother anymore, what with the whole god mode thingy.”

“Preaching to the choir, Red.”

"Soooo..." Jean ignores Scott’s last remark and is by now literaly bouncing with excitement. "What's the plan? The children first? Ooooh, are there puppies at the mansion? That would be fun! What about torture? Do I get to rip the flesh off their bones before you finish them off?"

"Hon, we haven't actually talked about...”

“How are we going there anyway? Do we get to crash a really big plane or something just to mess up the old man’s lawn? Oooh, we could...”

“Red, calm down, we haven’t debated logistics yet either and...”

"I'll fly you there!"


And she did just that.

Later that afternoon, Scott and Emma interrupted the fourth consecutive hour of Ororo's and Logan’s epic speech. Roughly half of the mansion's inhabitants were killed by Emma's psychic attacks while the rest met a most gruesome demise as they were blasted to dust by Scott's optic blasts.

Being the gentleman that he was, Scott let her kill most of the loathsome goody two shoes so she could later gloat about it. He did get to level the whole estate by merely staring at it, though.

As for Jean/Dark Phoenix, she sat in a long chair on the front lawn, sipped champagne, laughed maniacally to herself and cheered on Scott and Emma the whole time.


After an incredibly brutal and swift (Jean/Dark Phoenix's enthusiastic cheering did start to get on the pair’s nerves) campaign, Scott and Emma finally took over the world. The two got married, had many gorgeous ruthless homicidal children and lived happily ever after.

Just as she promised, Jean left Earth without destroying it and got her own happy ending killing stars and sucking the life out of planets until the end of time.

Over the years, Jean would often visit Scott and Emma to reminisce about good old times (the massacre thingy, not the sorry excuse of a romance between Jean and Scott in the movieverse). She especially enjoyed regaling the children with stories about how their daddy was so cool when he used to blast people’s heads (right off!) with his eyes and when mommy would just fry people's brains (for kicks!).

Of course, the children never really understood why greedy foxes and clueless axes had anything to do with their parents taking over the world, but as far as they knew, that was just crazy aunt Jean being crazy aunt Jean.

Oh well.


The End

Last edited by DarthCyclopsRLZ; 04-29-2007 at 06:17 PM.
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Old 01-02-2007, 02:20 AM   #7
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand


For the new year.

And yes, just because.

Wilhelmina Slater... You are a horror movie I wish would never end.

X4 parody done X3 style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Epic Stand!!!
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Old 01-02-2007, 02:20 AM   #8
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Default Re: X4 Parody Script done X3-style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Next Epic Stand


Double post.

Wilhelmina Slater... You are a horror movie I wish would never end.

X4 parody done X3 style: Hellfire's Wrath - The Epic Stand!!!
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