*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Erzengel]

This is a continuation of the previous thread to discuss and seek advice about relationships.

This should be a place to post questions, suggestions, etc...

*even though most of you pretty much ignore all help and continue on your disruptive paths*

[Majic Walrus]

Methinks there was a wee bit of hostility in that post.

[enterthemadness]

I say ATP should have made the thread or that anikta18 chick. Girls know relationship advice, not posters whose name is Erzzy.

[-Arya-]

Originally Posted by The Immortal!

I say ATP should have made the thread or that anikta18 chick. Girls know relationship advice, not posters whose name is Erzzy.

You really don't think before you type, do you?

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by The Immortal!

I say ATP should have made the thread or that anikta18 chick. Girls know relationship advice, not posters whose name is Erzzy.

Dating is a mixture of experience and common sense. It is not usually complicated unless you make it.

[AndThePickles]

I don't claim to be a relationship guru, and I'd say that anita has spent just as much time asking for advice as giving it, if not more.

Also, there should definitely be a rule that you can't ask for advice on the same issue more than once

[Sundancer]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Dating is a mixture of experience and common sense. It is not usually complicated unless you make it.

Or the other person does. Add courage and risk-taking to that list.

[terry78]

Everyone knows girls don't know what they want. Each one wants something different. Geez, get with the program.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

From the older thread, since it was closed before I could reply:

Originally Posted by BillyZaned

so what exactly happened with this one... I want the play by play... how did you approach her, what was her reaction... how did she stand you up.... I think I know what's going on with you, I just want some more background before I state what I think... because the way you look, and sound... you seem like one of my old friends, Mike...

You think you know what's going on? Is that a good or bad thing? lol

For what happened:

She's a girl in my English class, and I typically walk out of class with her, and talk to her between classes. I was always nervous to make a move on her because she's really attractive, and in our talks I never particularly noticed anything from her that gave away any kind of interest. The closest thing to interest was when I had asked her about seeing her at one of the school football games, and she said she had seen me, but didn't want to say anything because she didn't think I'd notice her or recognize her. If that counts for anything at all, which it probably doesn't.

Well, I had finally found what I thought was a perfect opportunity to ask her out. There was a school drama production that I needed to go see for my theatre class, and I thought that asking her to an event that was a school event would be a good start - something completely casual in a safe place where she doesn't have to feel any pressure or intimidation.

Well, in talking to her after class, she had mentioned that she was going to be working that night. So I pretty much abandoned my plans to ask her out. But she mentioned that she was done with classes for the day, and she was going to go grab lunch before heading home and then going to work. Since I was also on a break between classes, I asked her if she wanted to have lunch together. Her response was that she had to work, and she didn't really have too much time before work because there were some things she had to do before work. It was then her that made the suggestion of going out this week instead, when she would have more time because she didn't have to work.

So that's how I asked her out and how she responded. I don't think I really did anything out of line, or too aggressive or forward. While I don't have any true kind of connection with this girl, it's not a girl I just met yesterday and have never talked to before, as I have regularly talked to her after class all semester long.

[Erzengel]

Like I said in the previous thread, you really didn't seem to connect really. And I'm not saying you or her were to blame. Apart from small talk you really didn't establish a real rapport with her beyond some small talk/pleasantries. Maybe you just need to work on building up a back and forth before you asked her out. If she didn't mention the "going out" again, even after you've seen her in class, she was just probably trying to let you down slowly.

It's best to just forget about it and if she does talk to you don't bring it up unless she does but also don't give her the cold treatment in an attempt to get back at her.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Like I said in the previous thread, you really didn't seem to connect really. And I'm not saying you or her were to blame. Apart from small talk you really didn't establish a real rapport with her beyond some small talk/pleasantries. Maybe you just need to work on building up a back and forth before you asked her out. If she didn't mention the "going out" again, even after you've seen her in class, she was just probably trying to let you down slowly.

It's best to just forget about it and if she does talk to you don't bring it up unless she does but also don't give her the cold treatment in an attempt to get back at her.

So when exactly are you supposed to ask the person out? Isn't the going out with the person the way you get to know them and build the rapport that a deeper relationship develops from?

I just don't know that I get what you're saying. How close to I have to be with someone before it's appropriate to take them out to lunch?

[ford_jj]

Originally Posted by terry78

Everyone knows girls don't know what they want. Each one wants something different. Geez, get with the program.

Not all the Girls like this. But it is difficult to satisfy them.

[Cunning Stunts]

Originally Posted by AndThePickles

I don't claim to be a relationship guru, and I'd say that anita has spent just as much time asking for advice as giving it, if not more.

Also, there should definitely be a rule that you can't ask for advice on the same issue more than once

Or that if you've been given advice, and you've spent more than seventeen posts just looking for the answer you want to hear, despite what the advice is.

[ComicChick]

i dont think i ever even looked in the old thread cuz i didn't want to play catchup but since this one is fresh and new, here i am

[the dmg]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Like I said in the previous thread, you really didn't seem to connect really. And I'm not saying you or her were to blame. Apart from small talk you really didn't establish a real rapport with her beyond some small talk/pleasantries. Maybe you just need to work on building up a back and forth before you asked her out. If she didn't mention the "going out" again, even after you've seen her in class, she was just probably trying to let you down slowly.

It's best to just forget about it and if she does talk to you don't bring it up unless she does but also don't give her the cold treatment in an attempt to get back at her.

Why would he not pursue? If he tries to build up, he risks her losing interest in him and becoming just a friend. If she already mentioned that she's free on the weekend, then it's a sign that she could be interested and it's better for him to take that opportunity.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by the dmg

Why would he not pursue? If he tries to build up, he risks her losing interest in him and becoming just a friend. If she already mentioned that she's free on the weekend, then it's a sign that she could be interested and it's better for him to take that opportunity.

That's why I'm confused.

If she wanted to let me down, she had already turned me down by saying she wasn't available on Friday when I asked if she wanted to grab lunch together.

When I had resigned myself to the fact that she was turning me down, it was *her* who suggested we get together this week, because she didn't have work and she'd have plenty of time to go grab lunch.

And I have heard a lot of different takes on how I should pursue asking out a girl, but not once have I ever heard "don't ask her out because you don't know her well enough". I've always heard "ask her to something simple - lunch, coffee, ice cream, etc... something very light with no pressure - gives her a quick and easy out if she begins to feel uncomfortable as there is no commitment". "Her" being girls in general, not this girl that I just asked out.

[AndThePickles]

Nell- so what exactly is the problem, here? She wants to get together, so do it

[SLVRSR4]

All my previous girlfriends have said that I am way too depressing. What does this mean Erz!? I don't feel depressed and only those ladies have said that.

[the dmg]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

That's why I'm confused.

If she wanted to let me down, she had already turned me down by saying she wasn't available on Friday when I asked if she wanted to grab lunch together.

When I had resigned myself to the fact that she was turning me down, it was *her* who suggested we get together this week, because she didn't have work and she'd have plenty of time to go grab lunch.

And I have heard a lot of different takes on how I should pursue asking out a girl, but not once have I ever heard "don't ask her out because you don't know her well enough". I've always heard "ask her to something simple - lunch, coffee, ice cream, etc... something very light with no pressure - gives her a quick and easy out if she begins to feel uncomfortable as there is no commitment". "Her" being girls in general, not this girl that I just asked out.

There's nothing to be confused about. It seems that she is showing interest in you, so pursue it. You don't need to know the other well enough because that can always lead you to be seen as a friend if you take too long.

Asking someone out IS simple. Use the weekend to go out for lunch and to set up the next date, ask her if she would want to go to that drama event at school (if it hasn't already passed). From there, you take her for some ice cream or Starbucks after the show.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by AndThePickles

Nell- so what exactly is the problem, here? She wants to get together, so do it

The problem is that I haven't been able to get in touch with her to actually set it up. The same old problem I've had - girl says yes to going out with me, only to never follow through with it and cut off all communication with me after saying yes.

[the dmg]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

The problem is that I haven't been able to get in touch with her to actually set it up. The same old problem I've had - girl says yes to going out with me, only to never follow through with it and cut off all communication with me after saying yes.

She's in the same class as you. No call required.

[AndThePickles]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

The problem is that I haven't been able to get in touch with her to actually set it up. The same old problem I've had - girl says yes to going out with me, only to never follow through with it and cut off all communication with me after saying yes.

How long have you been unable to get in touch with her? She may just be busy. Don't think so much about the situation...if it happens, it happens. She brought it up, so it probably WILL happen unless you psych yourself out and end up seeming too desperate/eager to hang out. Right now, this is a very casual lunch, from what you described. No reason for her to have rushed to make formal plans with you.

[LouFerignoDemon]

Hahaha, the Mistress has arrived.

Nell, you're gonna have to do more than try phones. You share a class with her, right? There she is, on a silver platter. Make it happen, and report back to us.

[Dark Phantom]

Originally Posted by Lucy in the sky

All my previous girlfriends have said that I am way too depressing. What does this mean Erz!? I don't feel depressed and only those ladies have said that.

Son, I will be as candid and forthcoming as I possibly can....

Live in the moment!!!!!

I can tell you now that the biggest reason why your girlfriends thought you were depressing was because you were focused on anything but your girlfriend at the time and the moment you were sharing with her. However, maybe I'm wrong. Just look back at all those past girlfriends. If they all evaluate you as boring and depressing, understand what you were saying and/or doing at that time. Chances are you were distracted. You were worried about somehting in the past or future. Maybe you were overanalyzing a situation you wouldn't let go. What ever it was, most likely, you were not focused on the joyous moments spent with your girlfriends.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by AndThePickles

How long have you been unable to get in touch with her? She may just be busy. Don't think so much about the situation...if it happens, it happens. She brought it up, so it probably WILL happen unless you psych yourself out and end up seeming too desperate/eager to hang out. Right now, this is a very casual lunch, from what you described. No reason for her to have rushed to make formal plans with you.

What I needed to hear right here.

I'm just so used to the same result happening everytime that it's pretty much expected by me right now. My frustration isn't so much with this girl, it's just my history. Just like "here we go again". But you're right. I need to take a step back.