Jill Scott's Essay on Interracial Relationships

[ImWithTeamConan]

Hey everybody. I was rolling out a couple different websites I like to frequent and I came across this essay. I'm not a fan of Jill Scott as a singer, but I respect her and her talents as an actress. I'm posting this here because I'm the byproduct of an interracial relationship and I am honestly interested in seeing what everybody thinks of this.

I understand this might be a sensitive topic for a lot of people. I ask ahead of time that we talk about this maturely and soberly as to not accidentally insult any of the Hype brethren.

And no this isn't an April Fool's Joke.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I
privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister.
Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was
indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately
understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to
my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a
summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his
soul's credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel
the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I
was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household. I was taught that every
man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand
where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be
welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own
peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that
for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the
African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a
pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave
woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be
mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died
for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered
to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine.
She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every
commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of
beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race.
We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day
work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving,
sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked
at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to
death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled
together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and
vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together.
These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly
together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling
is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to
appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this
important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited
financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else,
an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in
many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But
underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to
stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my
intent. I'm just sayin'.

Thoughts?

[Erzengel]

As someone of mixed race who's with another person of mixed race, I can't help but feel she just comes off as someone who's bitter.

And that whole "I wasn't raised racist." is just her trying to justify her feelings. I'm sure she wasn't raised that way but that doesn't mean she couldn't develop those beliefs regardless.

In the end what makes me roll my eyes is the "entitlement" she feels that black men should owe black women. It's BS. I also don't like the whole wearing your ethnicity/nationality as a badge of honor, like it's something you accomplished.

This article just comes off as petty and jealous.

[Bboy]

She seems like she has a chip on her shoulder that runs a lot deeper than this essay. Kinda sad hey.

[PyroChamber]

Is it just me, or does it seem to be mostly black women against interracial relationships than black men?

[Addendum]

I don't know if she's married or not, but the fellas aren't shacking up with her because she's a black woman. They don't like her attitude

[Parker Wayne]

I actually read this a few months in Essence Magazine (or at least I think it was Essence). I understand her opinion, but I still don't respect her opinion.

As a black guy, I understand the history of racism in this nation, but she is not only blaming a whole race for sins of the fathers. You can't blame an innocent Caucasian when they aren't racist. I hate the racial tensions and its articles like these that keep us away from everyone. I'm going to marry who I want regardless of race. We need to be encouraging racial relations, not condemning it.

Its sad that of among all the Caucasian people and friends I met, and black friends and family I have, black people always tend to be more racist.

[Danalys]

i don't think there's something wrong with her opinion. her opinion is that inter racial relationships shouldn't cause her the discomfort she has. she's bravely acknowledging that discomfort while realising it's wrong. she does rationalise a bit that white women have been put on a pedestal so that she feels her friend might be influenced by that. but goes on to mollify that very reasoning.

it probably does come down to some sort of racial (peer group) based jealousy. not based on her missing out but perhaps people more like her missing out. genes do these things to our psychology so that they may better survive.

[Erzengel]

Missing out on what?

I've heard this issue before about black women getting upset because other ethnicities were taking their men like it was a pandemic. Like in a few years, there's only going to be a handful left. LOL

[Parker Wayne]

Originally Posted by Danalys

i don't think there's something wrong with her opinion. her opinion is that inter racial relationships shouldn't cause her the discomfort she has. she's bravely acknowledging that discomfort while realising it's wrong. she does rationalise a bit that white women have been put on a pedestal so that she feels her friend might be influenced by that. but goes on to mollify that very reasoning.

it probably does come down to some sort of racial (peer group) based jealousy. not based on her missing out but perhaps people more like her missing out. genes do these things to our psychology so that they may better survive.

The thing is she sounds more like she is justifying her reasoning rather than realizing its wrong. If she's saying she's not trying to be hurtful, why is she justifying her reasoning that interracial relationship aren't just based on love?

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Parker Wayne

The thing is she sounds more like she is justifying her reasoning rather than realizing its wrong. If she's saying she's not trying to be hurtful, why is she justifying her reasoning that interracial relationship aren't just based on love?

It's almost like the excuse, "I'm not racist, I have a lot of black friends."

[Parker Wayne]

Originally Posted by PyroChamber

Is it just me, or does it seem to be mostly black women against interracial relationships than black men?

It's not just you. In most situations, its usually the women that have more problems with interracial relationships that men in my experiences.

[Paradoxium]

You can't be colorblind if you teach everyone to see and judge others by skin colors, even if it is for good intents. You can't have it both ways. Race tension goes beyond simplistic negative racial prejudice (aka the KKK kind). This is why I find the notion of multiculturalism absurd; just treat the person on their merits. Was it not MLK who said "my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character"? I wonder if people even understands what that means anymore.

[MessiahDecoy123]

She has a valid point. There's no indication of jealousy or entitlement. She simply states that it stings seeing black men chase after white women knowing the legacy of white supremacy has left it's imprint.

How is that jealousy or entitlement?

But I don't think it's a big deal that some successful black men have a white girl fetish. It's just a fetish whether it's shaped by white supremacy or not. Who cares?

I happen to think that most interracial relationships are borne from a fetish of some sort for another race group. And that's a beautiful thing. Experimenting with another race group because a fetish for their race gets you hot. We need more of this.

[ImWithTeamConan]

I don't think she's racist or anything like that, I've reread the essay a dozen times and I'm still having a hard time understanding her. It's partly why I posted it here, for someone with a similar opinion to be able to explain it to me.

Why does it hurt her?

[terry78]

I get what she's saying, as I think quite a few of us do. For a lot of black females, the black dudes that seem to actually have their **** together are hitting the white chicks like nobody's business. You become successful, whether black, latino, asian..first thing you do is go for a white person. It's not an uncommon thing, but in the same breath there are just as many that happen to have something in common with the significant other. That stigma will always be there though.

[E-Man]

Originally Posted by terry78

I get what she's saying, as I think quite a few of us do. For a lot of black females, the black dudes that seem to actually have their **** together are hitting the white chicks like nobody's business. You become successful, whether black, latino, asian..first thing you do is go for a white person. It's not an uncommon thing, but in the same breath there are just as many that happen to have something in common with the significant other. That stigma will always be there though.

It's a stupid stigma, because a ton of black male celebs marry black women. The problem is that black women for some reason love to ***** about seeing a successful black man with a white woman. Pearl Bailey, Billie Holiday, and Diana Ross married white men, but no one *****ed about female black singers going after white guys. I say that women pissed about black guys dating white women should have a Coke and a smile and shut the hell up. If the black guy starts bashing black women as inferior, then you complain. Beyond that, sit your ass down and stop whining about it. /rant

[Golgo-13]

Originally Posted by e-man

it's a stupid stigma, because a ton of black male celebs marry black women. The problem is that black women for some reason love to ***** about seeing a successful black man with a white woman. Pearl bailey, billie holiday, and diana ross married white men, but no one *****ed about female black singers going after white guys. I say that women pissed about black guys dating white women should have a coke and a smile and shut the hell up. If the black guy starts bashing black women as inferior, then you complain. Beyond that, sit your ass down and stop whining about it. /rant

qft.

I think it has alot also to do with the so called shortage of black men in the communities, and the statistic that black woman are the least married woman of all races in America. I'm sure alot of ppl saw this, but on the Tyra show they did this study and found that Black woman are the least desired by men in general, of all the different races of woman. You see alot of black guys with different raced woman, but not alot of black woman with different raced men. The whole stereotypical black woman - which is horribly stereotyped as being loud, strong, etc..is a turn off to most men. Only black guys seem to be able to handle that aspect. I'm not stereotyping black woman - as i myself am black, have a black mother, wife, sisters and a daughter - but alot of them think broadcasting being a strong black woman, and all that goes with it, is something to be proud of, and love to broad cast it at the top of their lungs for whomever is listening, when in fact it is actually hurting their image as a whole.

[SurfDUI]

Originally Posted by E-Man

Pearl Bailey

Pearl! Bailey

E- is oldskool fo real.

[Golgo-13]

Originally Posted by terry78

I get what she's saying, as I think quite a few of us do. For a lot of black females, the black dudes that seem to actually have their **** together are hitting the white chicks like nobody's business. You become successful, whether black, latino, asian..first thing you do is go for a white person. It's not an uncommon thing, but in the same breath there are just as many that happen to have something in common with the significant other. That stigma will always be there though.

As soon as a man gets successful, what's the first thing he's gonna do; get things he couldn't have before. The forbidden fruit aka the White girl is more of a fantasy thing among black males because the history behind what our fore fathers had to deal with for even looking at a white girl, seems to make getting one all the more exciting. I mean, what's every white fathers worst nightmare, when it comes to his sweet innocent daughter? For Becky to walk in the door with Tyrone on her arm, braids in his hair, pants sagging down to his waist, wearing gold teeth!

I think getting the white girl is more of a fantasy/challenge type thing at first, but like others have said, if you end up getting along with the person and forming abound, love knows no boundaries, including skin color.

[E-Man]

Originally Posted by SurfDUI

Pearl! Bailey

E- is oldskool fo real.

lol Yeah I like Pearl and Billie. I listen to Billie all the time. I tend to drive around with it all loud around idiots who bass their music real loud. It's a nice way to piss some idiots off.

[Warhammer]

Jill Scott is coming off as sour. I'm not exactly trying to dismiss history here, but honestly, why is the the stuff she is bringing up (slaves, Black men and women struggling together in the past, etc) relevant? Maybe it's because I'm a mixed blood and not 100% Black, but what she says is just unnecessary to me. The past is the past. Move on to the future. This is a time where love really knows no bounds and as time progresses, interracial relationships are increasing and becoming more common. This isn't 40+ years ago when it was taboo and looked down upon.

So brother man got himself a White woman. That's too bad. He can like whatever woman he wants and doesn't deserve any criticism for it. Jill Scott, if you're so bent out of shape about it, just go find yourself another one. We all have our certain tastes, so if you just dig Black men (limiting yourself to one race is already a damn shame), more power to you. She's acting like they aren't plenty of Black men out there.

[Manic]

Thing is, black women outnumber black men in this country to such a large degree, that if every black man in this country were to pair up with a black woman, 1 in 12 black women would still be b****ing about not being able to find a black man.

I think part of the problem is that while black men are encouraged to date just about any race we want, something in American culture telling the sisters to stick with black men. I almost never hear any black women talk about dating white guys or anything. I don't get it. Date outside the race, ladies. Stop complaining about Seal and Montel Williams, and start trying to bag yourself a Robin Thicke or a Robert De Niro.

[The Squirrel]

I've seen black girls with white guys. So it does happen. Just not as much I guess.

[ImWithTeamConan]

I'm the byproduct of such a relationship. I always get a bit touchy when interracial relationships get discussed negatively. Partly why I brought it up here.

[Paradoxium]

Why do black women outnumber the black men