Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

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[Dark Raven]

Originally Posted by Anita18

Would you have the balls/dickery to hand them such a letter in person? :oldrazz:

But that's the same thing one could ask of any of these employers who send rejection letters. :oldrazz: These types of letters are always full of crap.

[Anita18]

Your would-be employers have the thoughtfulness to send rejection letters? Usually you just never hear from them.

[Dark Raven]

Originally Posted by Anita18

Your would-be employers have the thoughtfulness to send rejection letters? Usually you just never hear from them.

On occasion you do hear from them. I always wonder why they even bothered when they pull out all the old cliches.

But anyway, in the context of dating, that would only really work as a letter sent through the mail, and not in person, as it's mimicking the employer rejection letters people receive.

As for trying to secure a second date, one could write something like this:

Dear [X]

Thank you for meeting with me on [Y]. I am pleased to inform you that you have progressed onto the next stage. I would now like to invite you back for a second interview to be held on [Z] where you will also meet with other members of my senior staff. Additionally, as part of this interview, please prepare a short, 10-minute presentation about yourself. You are free to use Powerpoint slides if necessary.

Please contact my secretary to confirm that you are able to attend.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

[Nave 'Torment']

Is it possible to develop ulcer out of depression? Or just putting one's self in too much stress? Or I dunno, sprout out some kind of weird-ass benign tumor?

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Dark Raven

But that's the same thing one could ask of any of these employers who send rejection letters. These types of letters are always full of crap.

You just don't call back.

If you go on a date or a couple dates, and you're just feeling it, most people just don't answer their e-mails, texts, phone calls. But I also wouldn't say anything at the end of the date where you are stringing them along.

"Yeah, I had a good time, let's do it again." or "I'll call you later."

[hopefuldreamer]

So that friend of a friends brother? Yeah not a hope in hell. I'm pretty certain he has a thing for my friend (though i'm not upset with her about it, she couldn't have known).

Basically, her husband left her 3 days ago. Both her friend and his brother came round last night to help me cheer her up, and offered her hugs and stuff. But the brother ended up being a little... well i'm not sure what the word is... maybe innapropriate?

Basically we don't know him that well. He's a friends brother. He's not close to either of us. But he offered to come round for an hour or so before he went to his friends birthday party and just play games and stuff. And he's good company so she wanted that.

But the min that he assumed the role of 'comforting man' and had her crying into his arms, he kind of didn't wanna let it go. Even when my friend swapped sofas, he followed. He then decided he wasn't in the mood for a party so he ditched that to stay on the sofa with her longer. Then he was again supposed to go when his brother left, but after some umming and ahhing he said he would rather just watch tv here and ditched that too, staying till about 1.30 in the morning. Oh and kept saying stuff like 'Well my schedule is pretty empty at the moment, so if you need more hugs...'

Then this morning he asked her if she wanted to come to some art exhibition thing with him.

It's hard, cause i'm sure she wants to think that he is just a really nice person and likes her as a friend... but even she said she felt a little uncomfortable, and if she'd known him better she might have just said 'Yeah look, I kind of want to stop hugging now' but she didn't wanna be rude.

He certainly seemed completely uninterested in me, or anything I said

But hey, at least I get the satisfaction of being right again! Yayyyy!

[knowsbleed]

He sounds annoying.

That's all I have to say about that.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Is it possible to develop ulcer out of depression? Or just putting one's self in too much stress? Or I dunno, sprout out some kind of weird-ass benign tumor?

Yup. In fact, ulcers are very commonly exacerbated by stress.

Although don't wish for the tumor. My friend had severe digestive pain for months and we all thought it was ulcers, then gallbladder issues. When it was finally discovered as pancreatic cancer, it was already stage 4. He's 30. I'm relieved/surprised that he's still alive at this point in time....

There are differeing symptoms for both, and IIRC ulcer pain can be relieved by OTC acid reducers.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

So that friend of a friends brother? Yeah not a hope in hell. I'm pretty certain he has a thing for my friend (though i'm not upset with her about it, she couldn't have known).

Basically, her husband left her 3 days ago. Both her friend and his brother came round last night to help me cheer her up, and offered her hugs and stuff. But the brother ended up being a little... well i'm not sure what the word is... maybe innapropriate?

Basically we don't know him that well. He's a friends brother. He's not close to either of us. But he offered to come round for an hour or so before he went to his friends birthday party and just play games and stuff. And he's good company so she wanted that.

But the min that he assumed the role of 'comforting man' and had her crying into his arms, he kind of didn't wanna let it go. Even when my friend swapped sofas, he followed. He then decided he wasn't in the mood for a party so he ditched that to stay on the sofa with her longer. Then he was again supposed to go when his brother left, but after some umming and ahhing he said he would rather just watch tv here and ditched that too, staying till about 1.30 in the morning. Oh and kept saying stuff like 'Well my schedule is pretty empty at the moment, so if you need more hugs...'

Then this morning he asked her if she wanted to come to some art exhibition thing with him.

It's hard, cause i'm sure she wants to think that he is just a really nice person and likes her as a friend... but even she said she felt a little uncomfortable, and if she'd known him better she might have just said 'Yeah look, I kind of want to stop hugging now' but she didn't wanna be rude.

He certainly seemed completely uninterested in me, or anything I said

But hey, at least I get the satisfaction of being right again! Yayyyy!

If i ever do that punch me. Seriously it's stalker-material that one. He's taking advantage. Not something that ought to be condoned.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Anita18

Yup. In fact, ulcers are very commonly exacerbated by stress.

Although don't wish for the tumor. My friend had severe digestive pain for months and we all thought it was ulcers, then gallbladder issues. When it was finally discovered as pancreatic cancer, it was already stage 4. He's 30. I'm relieved/surprised that he's still alive at this point in time....

There are differeing symptoms for both, and IIRC ulcer pain can be relieved by OTC acid reducers.

holy mother! guys i have tumours on my forearms and it's because i had this crazy blood condition called atopy. Essentially it measn that i'm hyper-sensitive to allergies so whenever there's a change in weather (which is basically what i have to face ever since we moved to Bangladesh 4 years ago) . It's one of those incurable conditions that i have to keep at bay. But... apparently it gets triggered due to stress or extreme bits of depression... which i pretty much have been in all year. So much so that i took up running. lost a ton of weight. the tumors sprung up. even had a fever. it was bad but i'd gotten over it.

This past week however i started to have those digestive pains you're telling me about, and it's weird that whenever i eat it stops, but in an hour or so it comes back again. i thought its coz i took the dieting bit too far?

i've also been stressing the hell out of myself for work and im not saying this to get sick-pity out of people online, im saying this coz this is kinda freaking me out at the moment. BUT CANCER?!

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

holy mother! guys i have tumours on my forearms and it's because i had this crazy blood condition called atopy. Essentially it measn that i'm hyper-sensitive to allergies so whenever there's a change in weather (which is basically what i have to face ever since we moved to Bangladesh 4 years ago) . It's one of those incurable conditions that i have to keep at bay. But... apparently it gets triggered due to stress or extreme bits of depression... which i pretty much have been in all year. So much so that i took up running. lost a ton of weight. the tumors sprung up. even had a fever. it was bad but i'd gotten over it.

This past week however i started to have those digestive pains you're telling me about, and it's weird that whenever i eat it stops, but in an hour or so it comes back again. i thought its coz i took the dieting bit too far?

i've also been stressing the hell out of myself for work and im not saying this to get sick-pity out of people online, im saying this coz this is kinda freaking me out at the moment. BUT CANCER?!

Atopy is completely unrelated to cancer, so no need to worry about that. The tumors or whatever in your forearms also will not be pancreatic cancer, by definition. But you should get those checked out...I've heard of cysts and swellings in people's arms, but not allergy-related tumors....

Plus non-skin cancers are exceedingly rare for young people. It's mostly why it took my friend so long to get diagnosed. For him, the pain was like being stabbed. Constantly.

Pain between meals and stress sounds like ulcers to me. Acid reducers should help, as well as avoiding alcohol or overly acidic foods. If not, you should get checked out by a doctor. Ulcers are really not that uncommon.

[Nave 'Torment']

the doctor says that the tumors on the forearm were because of atopy, i haven't gotten the gut-pains checked yet but am starting to worry a bit. I'm sure it isn't CANCER JUST YET but ulcers probably.

****. :|

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

the doctor says that the tumors on the forearm were because of atopy, i haven't gotten the gut-pains checked yet but am starting to worry a bit. I'm sure it isn't CANCER JUST YET but ulcers probably.

****. :|

Ulcers have nothing to do with cancer either. It's very VERY unlikely that it's cancer. Although bleeding ulcers aren't good either, so get it checked if you can. If you get it checked early, they can run down the list of possibilities faster, so cancer can be crossed off the list sooner for you. (It will be at the bottom of the list if you're young.) If that gets your ass to the doctor more quickly.

Stress will often manifest in other strange ways too. My fiance gets really huge pimples when he's stressed. Once he grew two huge ones situated on his forehead, that it looked like he was growing horns.

Sorry if I freaked you out. My friend has been on my mind lately for the past few months, obviously.

[Anita18]

Hrmph, I guess I finally have a relationship quandary.

So my fiance went on another nearly incoherent rant about how American society is "emotionally and spiritually malnourished" and that he needs to get out of here. Most of it is tl;dr and yes, incoherent, because he was unable to articulate what an emotionally and spiritually fulfilling community would look like when I asked him. But I guess my quandary with all this is, he's constantly unhappy with wherever he lives, and is unable to focus on the good things, only the bad. (Doesn't help that he grew up very sheltered in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, and has only lived in the two most expensive regions in one of the most expensive states in the US...If he can't find any good in either, I'm pretty doubtful he'll find anything redeeming anywhere else!)

I'm trying to figure out how to give him the freedom to rant and maybe even plan to move somewhere else (but certainly not now, when I'm working full-time, taking classes, AND planning the wedding! Or we can move if he does EVERYTHING. ). But I'm afraid that if I enable him, he'll drag us all around the world, moving every 6 months, never finding a place he likes. And I can't handle that, I need SOME stability. I like having healthcare benefits! Grargh.

I don't want him to feel trapped, but the reality of being married is that you have your partner to consider and can't do whatever the eff you want on a whim! (My coworker tries that with her husband. It never works.)

Currently, I think the best I can do to accomodate him is to finish my classes and start networking like crazy, to get my own freelance career off the ground and quit my day job so we have more flexibility. This may involve slightly guilt-tripping him if I have to take 3 classes next semester, on top of working and doing last-minute things for the wedding.

Thoughts?

[Erzengel]

Well it's lucky he's met someone who wants to freelance.

But, has he told you where he's want to move to?

And have you told him, that you want some stability in your life?

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Well it's lucky he's met someone who wants to freelance.

But, has he told you where he's want to move to?

And have you told him, that you want some stability in your life?

It seems to change every month, that's the problem. First it was Amsterdam (he visited for 3 days - too cold), then it was Berlin (I think this one's still on if we can learn German, he was there at least for over a week), then I think the most recent one is Buenos Aires (now it's Spanish...). Hawaii and Costa Rica have been on the list too. Did I mention he's never spent time in a tropical climate?

And he said he has a friend in NYC who loves it, but he hates even San Francisco so I don't see how NYC is any better. He's never been. I say we spend a week there and see how he feels about the NYC "needed to get done yesterday" intensity. And if he can keep up with the increased walking speed.

And yes, I've told him I like at least financial stability. (I hate moving too, but if we get rid of most of our possessions, it wouldn't be such a hassle.) As I said, I realize that most of it is ranting (and feeling that his dream society doesn't exist), but I'm just worried that he might start to feel trapped if I start to REALLY emphasize I'd like stability hint hint. He might learn to shut up and be unhappy for my sake.

Right now, I feel it mostly puts pressure on me to get to the freelancing thing sooner than what might be comfortable. He already told me to temporarily quit the classes if I couldn't handle them with the wedding next semester, but how in the world am I supposed to finish sooner (so we can get to globe-hopping) that way?

[Erzengel]

Do you think it's possibly everything coming together?

The wedding, job security, the whole grown up thing coming together?

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Do you think it's possibly everything coming together?

The wedding, job security, the whole grown up thing coming together?

It might be. He just has to hang on until next summer until I finish classes. His ranting makes me think I'm not doing it fast enough!

[Erzengel]

Also where has he lived?

[knowsbleed]

Just reading Anita's situation made me tired. Being single compared to all that... stuff. I relish my lazy time too much.

[Erzengel]

I have lazy time?

Mostly because we work on opposite schedules.

Tonight, I have the house to myself. Well me and the cat. I'm watching my DVR of Avengers and Young Justice, then maybe a Netflix of Once Upon a Time, and then switching between the Yankee game and MNF.

Also, all in my boxers, depending how warm it is.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by knowsbleed

Just reading Anita's situation made me tired. Being single compared to all that... stuff. I relish my lazy time too much.

I'm mostly lazy. The classes and work are not for him. But I DO get lazy time, unlike my coworker who's a full-time grad student and also essentially a single mom with two young kids. She gets absolutely not a single minute to herself anytime during the week! I have it pretty damn good compared to her! At least I have a partner who helps with laundry and is able to feed himself.

It can be a challenge working around someone who doesn't know what they want though. Not too bad if one is flexible but still, I think my worries are not too far-fetched.

Originally Posted by Erzengel

I have lazy time?

Mostly because we work on opposite schedules.

Tonight, I have the house to myself. Well me and the cat. I'm watching my DVR of Avengers and Young Justice, then maybe a Netflix of Once Upon a Time, and then switching between the Yankee game and MNF.

Also, all in my boxers, depending how warm it is.

Pffft, the entirety of this summer, we were only in our skivvies (me included!), because it would be 90 degrees inside. Nudity is no longer a novelty around here.

[Optimus_Prime_]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

I have lazy time?

Mostly because we work on opposite schedules.

Tonight, I have the house to myself. Well me and the cat. I'm watching my DVR of Avengers and Young Justice, then maybe a Netflix of Once Upon a Time, and then switching between the Yankee game and MNF.

Also, all in my boxers, depending how warm it is.

Part of the reason I'm looking to buy a house is so I can basically hang around naked whenever I please. I never understood why people have a problem with 'round the house' casual nudity - I mean as long as you aren't leaving skid marks everywhere.

Boxers and sleeping pants are typically as dressy as I'll get whilst lounging.