Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

I'm having no more luck than you.

I have an active social life, go out two or three times a week and am constantly meeting new guys.

I flirt, occasionally get a snog, and even more occasionally (like three this year) hook up with a fwb.

But in terms of dating, i get shot down every single time i show actual interest in being someones gf. Constantly told they like me, think i'm hot and would bang me but don't see me 'like that'.

I'm not even sure what that means

The people that DO want me to be their gf are usually either shy/creepy or old men

You are not alone in your struggles my friend. The dating game is a tough one unless your undeniably hot.

Yea you are. I haven't even had that, lol. I haven't made out with someone in like over a year (that's what snogging is, right?). I guess I could have had something happen with "boyfriend girl", had I gone over to her place that night, but alas, I let my conscience get in the way of a good time. Maybe it's for the best.

But yea, the actual relationship part, we're on the same page. The only girls I seem to attract are girls that I have zero interest in, either because I'm not attracted to them, or because they have other issues that would prevent me from having a relationship with them (like them already having a boyfriend...)

And screw that, I'm undeniably hot, and the dating game is still rough for me

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

Yea you are. I haven't even had that, lol. I haven't made out with someone in like over a year (that's what snogging is, right?). I guess I could have had something happen with "boyfriend girl", had I gone over to her place that night, but alas, I let my conscience get in the way of a good time. Maybe it's for the best.

But yea, the actual relationship part, we're on the same page. The only girls I seem to attract are girls that I have zero interest in, either because I'm not attracted to them, or because they have other issues that would prevent me from having a relationship with them (like them already having a boyfriend...)

And screw that, I'm undeniably hot, and the dating game is still rough for me

In fairness though, having to settle for occasional hook ups for a girl is a problem - the more the numbers stack up, the more your called a ****!

But yeah, what you gonna do? Go celebate? Mama needs her sugar

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

In fairness though, having to settle for occasional hook ups for a girl is a problem - the more the numbers stack up, the more your called a ****!

But yeah, what you gonna do? Go celebate? Mama needs her sugar

For what it's worth (probably not much), I've never called a girl a **** for having her one night stands and hook ups. I don't think a girl that wants to get her some is a ****.

[Erzengel]

I agree.

It should only be used in the bedroom.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

For what it's worth (probably not much), I've never called a girl a **** for having her one night stands and hook ups. I don't think a girl that wants to get her some is a ****.

Originally Posted by Erzengel

I agree.

It should only be used in the bedroom.

You say that, but the majority of guys will find themselves a bit freaked out by a high number.

My friend warned me never to even talk about your number, because when she and her husband did it caused a massive issue and he took a long time to get over it.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

You say that, but the majority of guys will find themselves a bit freaked out by a high number.

My friend warned me never to even talk about your number, because when she and her husband did it caused a massive issue and he took a long time to get over it.

Unless the woman's number is zero, and it's in her best interests to disclose so he doesn't go charging in with guns blazing, if you know what I mean...

I don't know my fiance's number. It doesn't interest me. All I need to know is if he's clean and if he has any secret baby mamas.

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

You say that, but the majority of guys will find themselves a bit freaked out by a high number.

My friend warned me never to even talk about your number, because when she and her husband did it caused a massive issue and he took a long time to get over it.

It goes both ways.

It also takes a great measure of maturity however, you do have to account for safety and STDs.

My point is, if you care for someone, it might have taken them a different path then you which might have included more sexual partners then you to the point they are now. You can't rewrite someone's past.

I mean once you hit your 30s, think of the average person of dating for over 13-14 years and even 1 relationship a year and you'd be at double digits at the very least. Again, the older you get, it's just another realization.

I mean 20 something year olds who fall apart because she's been with 9 people and he's only been with 2, still have a lot of growing up to do.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Anita18

Unless the woman's number is zero, and it's in her best interests to disclose so he doesn't go charging in with guns blazing, if you know what I mean...

I don't know my fiance's number. It doesn't interest me. All I need to know is if he's clean and if he has any secret baby mamas.

True.

And yeah, I don't care how many people a guys slept with at all. As long as they earn my trust and prove they actually give a **** about me beyond sex, it would have no effect on my feelings for them.

Originally Posted by Erzengel

It goes both ways.

It also takes a great measure of maturity however, you do have to account for safety and STDs.

My point is, if you care for someone, it might have taken them a different path then you which might have included more sexual partners then you to the point they are now. You can't rewrite someone's past.

I mean once you hit your 30s, think of the average person of dating for over 13-14 years and even 1 relationship a year and you'd be at double digits at the very least. Again, the older you get, it's just another realization.

I mean 20 something year olds who fall apart because she's been with 9 people and he's only been with 2, still have a lot of growing up to do.

Yeah I think you're right.

And personally, i've always said to this girl that I don't think I can take her advice. It's not something i'd bring up intentionally, but it's also not something i'm gonna hide about or lie about because i'm not in any way ashamed. If it'd be an issue, then they really aren't the guy for me anyway, cause someone who gets all prudish about sexual partners probably isn't my type

[Erzengel]

But I'd be foolish not to say.....it's best not to elaborate?

Stating hey, there was this one time in college with my then gf and her roommate....might not be the best of decisions. Especially IF college was like last year.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

But I'd be foolish not to say.....it's best not to elaborate?

Stating hey, there was this one time in college with my then gf and her roommate....might not be the best of decisions. Especially IF college was like last year.

Yeah I can imagine that spinning some people out. For me it'd be more like 'yeah, been there '

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

You say that, but the majority of guys will find themselves a bit freaked out by a high number.

My friend warned me never to even talk about your number, because when she and her husband did it caused a massive issue and he took a long time to get over it.

Oh, I lie / hide my number too. There's not a woman out there that wants to have sex with a 30 year old virgin...

[hopefuldreamer]

Now that's just not true. Plenty of women would find that an incredibly positive trait... Some might even have a virgin fetish

Also, while we're on revealing your past to your partner, would it freak you out to find out they had been in same sex relationships before?

With everything that happened with my ex i'm afraid it'd be an immediate dealbreaker for me

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

Now that's just not true. Plenty of women would find that an incredibly positive trait... Some might even have a virgin fetish

Also, while we're on revealing your past to your partner, would it freak you out to find out they had been in same sex relationships before?

With everything that happened with my ex i'm afraid it'd be an immediate dealbreaker for me

Hopefully he'd have the same taste as me. THREESOME!

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by hopefuldreamer

Now that's just not true. Plenty of women would find that an incredibly positive trait... Some might even have a virgin fetish

Also, while we're on revealing your past to your partner, would it freak you out to find out they had been in same sex relationships before?

With everything that happened with my ex i'm afraid it'd be an immediate dealbreaker for me

I have never spoken to a women that had a positive outlook on guys who are virgins. Even when not discussing my own experiences, or lack thereof, nearly every woman I've spoken to about the subject says "I would never sleep with a virgin", or things like "I don't have time to deal with a virgin"...

As for your question... that's an interesting one. I would like to think that if I was with a girl, I wouldn't have a problem with her having previously been with another woman. I have my views on homo / bi-sexuality, none of them are that it's bad or evil or anything like that, tho I don't like the actual act (again, not in a "sin" kind of way, just in a "I'm not, and I don't get it" kind of way). I think the easiest answer I can give is that I prefer my partner not be bi / not have been with another woman, but ultimately I won't care.

[hopefuldreamer]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

I have never spoken to a women that had a positive outlook on guys who are virgins. Even when not discussing my own experiences, or lack thereof, nearly every woman I've spoken to about the subject says "I would never sleep with a virgin", or things like "I don't have time to deal with a virgin"...

Who ARE these women? Seriously, they sound horrible.

I would never say anything of the sort.

If I liked the guy the only thing that would turn that into a put off, would be the reason. Like if a guy was a virgin because he was waiting for religious reasons or something.

But if it's just a case of it just happening to have not happened yet, that's no problem to me.

I mean, my first time I was 20. And it was my first boyfriend (the eventually gay one), and he'd tried to dump 3 times but I was just adamant he was gonna be my first.

If it hadn't been him, I honestly believe there's a high possibility i'd still be a virgin now. Because everyone i've slept with since has only happened because I wasn't a virgin anymore, and none of them were the level of 'love' I required for my first time.

[SpideyVille]

Yeah, I had this friend who has been around the block a few times, and she's told me that she could easily see why girls like her would choose to be interested in a nice guy who was still a virgin, or didn't have too much sexual experience. And basically it ties into the belief that as women get older, their checklist of qualities in a man starts to get shorter. They stop looking for Prince Charming or Mr. Perfect and choose to settle down with someone who just has some/most of the qualities, but also treats them right. It's almost like they get tired of dealing with certain types of guys and choose to try something different.

But I do agree that there are also people who don't look at being a virgin in a positive light. But I think there are other factors in play as well, like whether you've been in a serious relationship before and just decided to wait, or if you've just never been in any kind of relationship at all. Things like that help to show what kind of maturity and personality you have.

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah I think that's true. I think there is an assumption that once you've passed a certain age, you're 'weird' if you're still a virgin, and a lot of the time that may well be true.

But there are plenty of people who just have never been in a serious relationship, have never found anyone they've clicked with, but don't have a weird personality or anything.

[SpideyVille]

Yeah and to be honest, a lot of girls that I've spoken to in recent years have had the same reaction to hearing I was a virgin, which is that they think its cool and actually wish they would have waited longer than they did because the person wasn't worth it or they weren't ready or whatever.

But I do get offended when people treat me like I have some kid of sickness or something. Like I've never been in a relationship, but I don't want to do it with just anyone. I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship and have some kind of commitment to the person, and I haven't really been focusing on a relationship lately because I've been trying to get other areas in my life in order first.

[The Squirrel]

I do it find it funny that this one person didn't believe I was a virgin when the topic came up. Like it was behind their mental capacity to conceive of such a notion.

[Anubis]

You shoulda said, tell you what, lets have sex and you'll see if i'm lyin'.

[SpideyVille]

Originally Posted by The Squirrel

I do it find it funny that this one person didn't believe I was a virgin when the topic came up. Like it was behind their mental capacity to conceive of such a notion.

Last year my acting class had this "Moth Story" assignment where we had to talk about love, family and betrayal, and when I said I had never had a relationship before, I saw a few girls whose eyes almost fell off because they were so surprised to hear it. It was funny because I reached the point where I wasn't ashamed by it anymore and seeing people react so positively was a real breathe of fresh air.

[Anubis]

And yet, they still wouldn't let you touch their naughty bits.

[SpideyVille]

There wasn't much that interested me in that class.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

I have never spoken to a women that had a positive outlook on guys who are virgins. Even when not discussing my own experiences, or lack thereof, nearly every woman I've spoken to about the subject says "I would never sleep with a virgin", or things like "I don't have time to deal with a virgin"...

My fiance had more experience than me and I still had to "deal" with him when we first tried to get intimate. So just having done it, even once (and thus being no longer a virgin), doesn't mean much, IMO. It's stupid that people think just because you've had sex a few times, that you suddenly become Don Juan.

It might have helped if he had had sex with a few girls who intimidated him as much as I apparently did, but not many people can be so picky and like, plan this out. I suppose many guys don't put themselves in a situation where they are intimidated by a woman, anyway.

Originally Posted by SpideyVille

Yeah and to be honest, a lot of girls that I've spoken to in recent years have had the same reaction to hearing I was a virgin, which is that they think its cool and actually wish they would have waited longer than they did because the person wasn't worth it or they weren't ready or whatever.

But I do get offended when people treat me like I have some kid of sickness or something. Like I've never been in a relationship, but I don't want to do it with just anyone. I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship and have some kind of commitment to the person, and I haven't really been focusing on a relationship lately because I've been trying to get other areas in my life in order first.

I always liked that line in Clueless: "You know how picky I am with shoes, and they only go on my feet!"

[teh Puffy]

Originally Posted by SpideyVille

Yeah and to be honest, a lot of girls that I've spoken to in recent years have had the same reaction to hearing I was a virgin, which is that they think its cool and actually wish they would have waited longer than they did because the person wasn't worth it or they weren't ready or whatever.

But I do get offended when people treat me like I have some kid of sickness or something. Like I've never been in a relationship, but I don't want to do it with just anyone. I'd rather wait until I'm in a relationship and have some kind of commitment to the person, and I haven't really been focusing on a relationship lately because I've been trying to get other areas in my life in order first.

I think it depends on who the woman is. I recently have been around a woman, when we first got to aquiant ourselves with one another she asked me flat out about my relationship status. I told her "Ive never had a relationship at 26. With that said everything that can comes with a relationship has never happened to me."

She gave me great comfort and said that it takes a true man to admit such a thing but deep inside i felt weird. Yet Im comfortable with me. I just never put any effort into wanting a relationship, I wanted to improve my mental health amongst all things. I didnt want to be a burden.

With that said brah, man if a woman looks at you like your ILL, forgeta bout it. Shes not worth your time. Be proud and happy with who you are. Theres woman who show huge respect for a man who is a virgin.