Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Dark Raven]

So there's a girl I had been communicating with from a dating site a few weeks ago. I suggested meeting up back then, but then she never got back to me. Anyway, yesterday she sent me an email after weeks of non contact suggesting to meet next weekend. I wonder whether I should bother to meet her.

In nearly all our emails, she barely ever responds to questions, is always apologising that she'll respond later and barely asks any questions either. I had pretty much written her off because it's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone with her. But since she has now made the suggestion out of the blue, do I want to bother meeting or not? Will it be more of the same non-responsiveness in person? If she's like that in emails, will she be much the same in real life?

[Erzengel]

Meet up for drinks. Worse thing is you waste a night.

Maybe she's not good over the computer. :shrug:

Really nothing to lose

[GoldCrest]

I think you should go for it. If you do meet her, you are more likely to get a definite feel of what she is like and whether you have any prospect with her. If she decided to cancel on you, then, yes cut her loose.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Truth? It's hard to trust people. I know the minute I start opening up she, or they, will bolt out the door. It's happened too many times before for me to just take it out on faith again. Maybe after I'm done with all those little things that's been eating away at my self-esteem for the better part of the past 2 years, maybe then I'll be ready again. So for me right now the most important thing (other than my deteriorating health, and of course, work) is to be comfortable in my own skin; it's something that I'm convinced that will not happen unless I finish my work.

Might seem a bit dramatic but I know I'll be better off if I put everything aside and just finish up with my work. Call it an obsession or a compulsion. Anyway that's just one side of it. The other, especially regarding this girl, as I've said before, is the fact that while it's nice to see her giving me all this attention, at the end of the week she prefers to go out and celebrate and indulge herself in everything while I'm insisting on staying inside and finishing up writing the next issue of my comic-book.

You know that's all your baggage and that you'll have to ignore that silly little voice in your head if you ever want to get anywhere with a relationship, right?

And you know what they say about work - it fills up any time allotted for it. If you're regularly working 100-hr weeks, it isn't going to get better for you unless you change jobs. And if you pick up more responsibilities (ie, get promoted), the workload will not lessen. The expectation is already there.

I know one bigshot corporate lawyer who still works 100-hr weeks and she's in her 40s. Of course no time for relationships. She's single and childless. I'm not sure if it'll ever change for her unless she quits entirely, but she's pretty happy where she is because her jobs is fulfilling for her.

You just have to ask yourself if working that hard for this much of your life is what you want.

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

I think this does go back to trying and finding more excuses for myself, but if I'm going to be honest with myself it's the fact that I still have a pathetically immature idea about relationships. I am terrible at reading people. And this has, time and again, resulted in my wanting something too intimate and failing to read the utter indifference on the other person's face. The only thing that came out of it is me feeling betrayed and stupid and abandoned. I suppose its a bit idealistic? Because if I still have that idea that if in a relationship it should be serious and meaningful. In other words. Love. Not a fling.

And to expect that from someone when I don't even know her that well? That's pointless. And only until I can be better with talking with people, and be matured enough emotionally to not let someone else's indifference get to me, can I even expect to get into a relationship.

What do you mean about having a pathetically immature idea about relationships? What does that have to do with not being able to read people?

If someone rejects you at the dating phase (or pre-dating), that's not a relationship failure. It wasn't even a relationship to begin with - she just wasn't relationship material for you. The thing to do there is just to move on. You won't be able to even get a chance if you don't give people a chance.

What do you think a relationship should be like? If you want someone who supports you and cares about you over any other man, that's not pathetically immature. Pathetically immature IMO, is expecting that a girl will make a sandwich for you everytime after you have sex. And I doubt you're really THAT clueless.

My fiance is terrible at reading people. I can see how a lot of women would have been turned off by his awkward (and sometimes very forward ) advances. But he is terrific at this relationship thing with me. Different people will need different things in a relationship. He's kind, considerate, patient. I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful every day, or give me flowers on my birthday. I need someone who can tell when I'm having some trouble and ask if he can help. I need someone who supports me.

You can't be the perfect partner for everybody, nor will any random person be guaranteed to be the perfect partner for you. But you've got to give people chances so you both can find out.

Originally Posted by amazingfantasy15

Losers always whine about their best, winners go home a f the prom queen!

Good ol' Sean Connery!

Originally Posted by Dark Raven

So there's a girl I had been communicating with from a dating site a few weeks ago. I suggested meeting up back then, but then she never got back to me. Anyway, yesterday she sent me an email after weeks of non contact suggesting to meet next weekend. I wonder whether I should bother to meet her.

In nearly all our emails, she barely ever responds to questions, is always apologising that she'll respond later and barely asks any questions either. I had pretty much written her off because it's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone with her. But since she has now made the suggestion out of the blue, do I want to bother meeting or not? Will it be more of the same non-responsiveness in person? If she's like that in emails, will she be much the same in real life?

My fiance is terrible over email. Absolutely terrible. Example messages from him were, "The weather is really beautiful today." I swear that's how it went.

There is a chance that she will be better in real life. Might as well give it a shot.

[ComicChick]

i think i have an inferiority complex. i'm not liking this

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Do you have an internal clock/time set that you kinda rely on to make decisions?

For example, I'm talking to this girl for at least a week, after that I will ask her out.

This is the girl with the boyfriend, so everything with her is all kinda thrown off due to that fact. If that weren't an issue, I'd have made a move long long long ago.

To answer your question, I don't work on an "internal clock" in terms of setting a time limit, no. I ask her out whenever I feel it's right to do so. That's not in a "wait for the perfect moment" terms.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Damage averted I'd say also now you're open to flirtation. All for a good cause. The girl I'm talking about gave me her number about a week ago and said to call up if I ever wanted to get together and do something. I ... ignored it, initially. A week later she sends one of your "unintended" texts that talk about how bored she is of life and a book I'm not aware of. Then with a prompt "whoops lol not for you" afterwards. I took that as a deliberate test. Today she starts sending texts again, this time intentional.

The thing is, your girl is most probably thinking (at least at the back of her mind) that you did it on purpose despite what she says. Fact that she's okay with it should be taken as an encouragement on your end

I don't think she thinks I did it on purpose. And it wasn't just a text of random thoughts that was sent to her instead of the person it was intended for. It was a text describing a conversation that her and I had, a "she said this, and then I said that, and then she replied with this" type of text, that I sent to her instead of my friend. But no, she wasn't upset. And we were already open to flirtation long before this lol.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by ComicChick

i think i have an inferiority complex. i'm not liking this

I was well into my 20s when I figured out that nobody is "better" or "out of their league" than anyone else. There's only "does this person think in the wavelength I do."

[Dark Raven]

Originally Posted by Anita18

My fiance is terrible over email. Absolutely terrible. Example messages from him were, "The weather is really beautiful today." I swear that's how it went.

There is a chance that she will be better in real life. Might as well give it a shot.

Well I'll give it a go. If she turns out to be just as bad in person, then that will be the end of that. She could be just a poor communicator in emails, but she does really give the impression most of the time she's not really interested and... I was going to say just answering to be polite, but she doesn't even respond to any questions so there's not even that.

BTW, if we're doing Clint Eastwood dollar westerns now as the theme, shouldn't it be A Fistful of Dollars first, followed by For A Few Dollars More? The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is the last in the trilogy, although I suppose it could work this way since it is also chronologically first in the timeline (since it's actually a prequel).

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

This is the girl with the boyfriend, so everything with her is all kinda thrown off due to that fact. If that weren't an issue, I'd have made a move long long long ago.

To answer your question, I don't work on an "internal clock" in terms of setting a time limit, no. I ask her out whenever I feel it's right to do so. That's not in a "wait for the perfect moment" terms.

Is she like a "friend" now?

Why are you investing time in her if you don't want to make a move because she has a bf?

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Dark Raven

Well I'll give it a go. If she turns out to be just as bad in person, then that will be the end of that. She could be just a poor communicator in emails, but she does really give the impression most of the time she's not really interested and... I was going to say just answering to be polite, but she doesn't even respond to any questions so there's not even that.

BTW, if we're doing Clint Eastwood dollar westerns now as the theme, shouldn't it be A Fistful of Dollars first, followed by For A Few Dollars More? The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is the last in the trilogy, although I suppose it could work this way since it is also chronologically first in the timeline (since it's actually a prequel).

Well it started with the previous thread and we just went with one Harry Potter theme instead of doing all 7 books.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Here's some advice I can give you.

If you are talking to a woman, and you and her are enjoying some nice back and forth, ask for her number or ask her out.

If you go on a date with a woman, and are enjoying some flirting, at an opportune time of the night, kiss her.

It's all stuff you can learn through experience, the one thing you have to realize is that opportunities rarely fall in your lap. Sometimes, you have to be the aggressor so to speak.

And if you meet a woman who's wishy washy or sending you mixed messages, give them the 2 strike rule. They blow you off once, twice, wipe your hands of them.

Those are actually sound. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly the sort of mindset everyone wants to bring to a date or whenever they're talking with someone from the opposite gender, but then it backfires. You start caring too much about their answer, you think maybe you did something wrong (when in fact it's just a matter of not being attracted to you, and so you end up questioning why they're not attracted to you ) You impose the 2 strike rule, you wash your hands off, they still continue sending mixed signals.

Originally Posted by amazingfantasy15

There doesn't need to be a whole lot of effort involved in becoming emotionally invested in someone, if you like them, not just physically, but as a person you'll build that pretty quickly. When I first started dating my wife, she went on a volunteer trip to Mexico bringing medical supplies to a village, I asked her to call me when she was on her way back so I knew she was safe. I was emotionally invested already and we'd only been out a few times at that point, but I cared about her, there was no real effort on my part to make that happen, it's just how I felt.

See that's just perfect because it worked out for you. It was reciprocated, both of you felt the same way. Something like that happens and it's golden. But honestly, luck does play a part there. What I meant by "nurturing emotions" is that you acted upon it, you let that natural feeling grow and y'know, didn't just ignore it or forget about it. It might not have seemed like actual effort but you did act on it, and now she's your wife. The word I'm looking for is "congratulations," dude, coz just next to that luck was your own commitment to her.

The big problem here is you're seeing these things as "tests" and wondering what the appropriate response is. Stop trying to figure things out, just let instinct take over. I'm starting to think you really do like this girl, but you're too afraid to put yourself out there, so you're just making excuses to keep from getting hurt.

Yeah I'm guessing I am but at the same time... let instinct take over. that's just... I dunno. Let instinct take over on a social level? I've done that before and got miserable, one too many times. It's humiliating. The best bit for someone like me, I figure, since overthinking is something I can't stop doing, is to do more of it to the point where I am conscious about everything that's happening. For someone as introverted and socially lost as I am the best bet is to either not bother with it until I've figured myself out or not.

See, I don't even know this girl and I'm already letting her get to me and talking about her online. We had lunch which wasn't even a date, and I think she cares. Today, in class, she saw me with this other female friend of mine (and there's history with this friend between the two of us) and pot-head girl here was making all these snide comments about how "we look like siblings" and "maybe the two of you really need to get a room" which was weird but I think she got jealous, a little. If Erz's 2-strike rule applies to her that means she's struck me out.

The other thing I want to talk about is this friend. She... I dunno. She really gets to me every time because there's really very little she ever agrees on. Y'know, the sort of person who disagrees for the sake of it, and then when you bring out the idea of the counter-cultural trend that embraces that sort of anti-tradition, she even disagrees with that. And I guess, that's fine, I mean what's it to me right? But then I keep going back to her because there was a point when I did care deeply and instinctively and it backfired. And I mean terribly backfired--and I'm glad I don't have to involve myself like that with her anymore, emotionally. What I learned from that is to not start to care for someone too much when they don't feel the same way because you end up hurting yourself... a lot.

But again, that's not really an excuse for me. I guess she still gets under my nerves from time to time and today pot-head girl was actually pointing it out. But... ehh.

If it is luck, mine's terrible. The only girl who's giving me some attention is also the one who spends her weekends bored out of her life and shooting up on acids. Geez.

Losers always whine about their best, winners go home a f the prom queen!

The Losers is also a comic-book about a team of soldiers who are secretly awesome. But I get your point.

Originally Posted by Dark Raven

So there's a girl I had been communicating with from a dating site a few weeks ago. I suggested meeting up back then, but then she never got back to me. Anyway, yesterday she sent me an email after weeks of non contact suggesting to meet next weekend. I wonder whether I should bother to meet her.

In nearly all our emails, she barely ever responds to questions, is always apologising that she'll respond later and barely asks any questions either. I had pretty much written her off because it's like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone with her. But since she has now made the suggestion out of the blue, do I want to bother meeting or not? Will it be more of the same non-responsiveness in person? If she's like that in emails, will she be much the same in real life?

Is she hot? Give her a shot, take Erz's advice on the 2 strike rule, see if she's as much of a snob as she is in person as she is online (I doubt it because even the snobbiest person will not act that way in front of you, least of all in a date). See it through, just don't get too attached mate.

Originally Posted by ComicChick

i think i have an inferiority complex. i'm not liking this

Join the club... I guess? Help yourself to the Pity-Mead (as opposed to Heroic Mead) and Cheese Crackers (as opposed to real cheese) in the corner. We'll be doing a marathon on LOST soon, if you're interested.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Anita18

You know that's all your baggage and that you'll have to ignore that silly little voice in your head if you ever want to get anywhere with a relationship, right?

And you know what they say about work - it fills up any time allotted for it. If you're regularly working 100-hr weeks, it isn't going to get better for you unless you change jobs. And if you pick up more responsibilities (ie, get promoted), the workload will not lessen. The expectation is already there.

I know one bigshot corporate lawyer who still works 100-hr weeks and she's in her 40s. Of course no time for relationships. She's single and childless. I'm not sure if it'll ever change for her unless she quits entirely, but she's pretty happy where she is because her jobs is fulfilling for her.

You just have to ask yourself if working that hard for this much of your life is what you want.

See that's just it! You want that sort of emotional independence first before you get involved in any relationship. I don't mean this as a reference to pot-head girl but about the way I'm looking at myself socially. I'd rather be that 110% committed to work until I've reached that place where I don't feel like I need someone to be okay with myself. Y'know what I'm talking about: to overcome this reclusive sense of loneliness that only someone else can fulfill? I want to overcome that by myself. It... I don't know Anita, it kinda seems important for self-growth. Most people get over that in an instant, they have a good life. I don't for whatever reason, and yes I've always felt detached or out of place or just not really part of a group and it's been damning when i was younger. I need to get over that on my own. Getting into a relationship before that would be destructive because I'd constantly be depending on this other person to not feel alone or isolated or just plain happy. See what I mean by immature?

If someone rejects you at the dating phase (or pre-dating), that's not a relationship failure. It wasn't even a relationship to begin with - she just wasn't relationship material for you. The thing to do there is just to move on. You won't be able to even get a chance if you don't give people a chance.

What do you think a relationship should be like? If you want someone who supports you and cares about you over any other man, that's not pathetically immature. Pathetically immature IMO, is expecting that a girl will make a sandwich for you everytime after you have sex. And I doubt you're really THAT clueless.

Yeah trust me I'm not :P the other day I was having this same discussion with a friend who was very much about societal function. His idea goes that women do want a guy they can rely on, especially in Bangladesh where it's kinda unsafe to go outside for anybody, as it's traditionally conservative, women here (apparently) expect their men to be able to do the things they can't, usually the stuff of the great outdoors. And his idea was that this expectation isn't only limited to our culture but goes beyond it, and while there may be those who are exceptions, it's "safer" to assume that in a relationship you're expected to fit into culturally-assigned roles. Masculine or otherwise. And I'm thinking okay so that goes the other way too doesn't it? If women expect men to be "men" then those same men are also expecting their partners to act like "womenly women." In other words, the making sandwich time It's not something anyone should be aspiring towards. At least not when you're talking about the ideal relationship. Take that back to the idea of all relationships inherently being "complimentary" where one partner compliments the other -- and it's a very romantic notion -- but then it would mean exactly that sort of cultural-designation of roles.

And... I think I've officially done overthinking about this for today. Lol. But no to answer your question, no I'm certainly not expecting that. Can't say that for the girls around me though. And if that's the case. I'm screwed.

I know I ought to give pot-head girl the chance, and I dunno, maybe underneath all that acid lies a heart of a romantic but good god do I really want to go there?!

I dunno. She's scary. She even has those scary eyes that are actually kind of arousing if you think about it...

My fiance is terrible at reading people. I can see how a lot of women would have been turned off by his awkward (and sometimes very forward ) advances. But he is terrific at this relationship thing with me. Different people will need different things in a relationship. He's kind, considerate, patient. I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful every day, or give me flowers on my birthday. I need someone who can tell when I'm having some trouble and ask if he can help. I need someone who supports me.

Which is great actually, because what you have with your fiance (based on this example alone, because I don't presume to know what your relationship is like with him other than this, of course) is compatibility. The two of you are compatible, that's why you get "support." And it's a beautiful thing. Something I hope I'll have someday with my fiancee. If ever.

Good ol' Sean Connery!

Ah... didn't catch the reference...

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Well it started with the previous thread and we just went with one Harry Potter theme instead of doing all 7 books.

Should've gone with all 7. I can't be the only fan here.

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Those are actually sound. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly the sort of mindset everyone wants to bring to a date or whenever they're talking with someone from the opposite gender, but then it backfires. You start caring too much about their answer, you think maybe you did something wrong (when in fact it's just a matter of not being attracted to you, and so you end up questioning why they're not attracted to you ) You impose the 2 strike rule, you wash your hands off, they still continue sending mixed signals.

There's also time limits.

You should know within a couple of dates if you are interested in progressing this further.

You really shouldn't be putting all your proverbial emotional eggs in one basket.

One girl is kinda giving you the run around, start talking to someone else, if that falls through, move on to the next. The trick is try and not invest an inordinate amount of time with one person IF you aren't getting positive feedback in return.

[Nave 'Torment']

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

I don't think she thinks I did it on purpose. And it wasn't just a text of random thoughts that was sent to her instead of the person it was intended for. It was a text describing a conversation that her and I had, a "she said this, and then I said that, and then she replied with this" type of text, that I sent to her instead of my friend. But no, she wasn't upset. And we were already open to flirtation long before this lol.

Well despite that if it had put her off she'd have acted on it and said something against it -- as in, why on earth were you telling someone else what the two of you spoke about. But since she doesn't mind, I say that's a good sign.

Originally Posted by Anita18

I was well into my 20s when I figured out that nobody is "better" or "out of their league" than anyone else. There's only "does this person think in the wavelength I do."

I'd agree to that. I just have to remember that it's possible that people other than "this person" also think / might think in the same wavelength.

[Anita18]

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Those are actually sound. And I'm pretty sure that's exactly the sort of mindset everyone wants to bring to a date or whenever they're talking with someone from the opposite gender, but then it backfires. You start caring too much about their answer, you think maybe you did something wrong (when in fact it's just a matter of not being attracted to you, and so you end up questioning why they're not attracted to you ) You impose the 2 strike rule, you wash your hands off, they still continue sending mixed signals.

See that's just perfect because it worked out for you. It was reciprocated, both of you felt the same way. Something like that happens and it's golden. But honestly, luck does play a part there. What I meant by "nurturing emotions" is that you acted upon it, you let that natural feeling grow and y'know, didn't just ignore it or forget about it. It might not have seemed like actual effort but you did act on it, and now she's your wife. The word I'm looking for is "congratulations," dude, coz just next to that luck was your own commitment to her.

Yeah I'm guessing I am but at the same time... let instinct take over. that's just... I dunno. Let instinct take over on a social level? I've done that before and got miserable, one too many times. It's humiliating. The best bit for someone like me, I figure, since overthinking is something I can't stop doing, is to do more of it to the point where I am conscious about everything that's happening. For someone as introverted and socially lost as I am the best bet is to either not bother with it until I've figured myself out or not.

See, I don't even know this girl and I'm already letting her get to me and talking about her online. We had lunch which wasn't even a date, and I think she cares. Today, in class, she saw me with this other female friend of mine (and there's history with this friend between the two of us) and pot-head girl here was making all these snide comments about how "we look like siblings" and "maybe the two of you really need to get a room" which was weird but I think she got jealous, a little. If Erz's 2-strike rule applies to her that means she's struck me out.

It just sounds like you're getting too emotionally invested before a relationship has actually developed.

There's a difference between caring about somebody (like, making sure they're safe, which is a smidge more than what a casual friend would normally do), and worrying that they don't like you as much as you like them. Caring is giving. It's an outward attitude. Being "emotionally invested" the way that you're describing yourself is a defensive, self-protecting maneuver.

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

See that's just it! You want that sort of emotional independence first before you get involved in any relationship. I don't mean this as a reference to pot-head girl but about the way I'm looking at myself socially. I'd rather be that 110% committed to work until I've reached that place where I don't feel like I need someone to be okay with myself. Y'know what I'm talking about: to overcome this reclusive sense of loneliness that only someone else can fulfill? I want to overcome that by myself. It... I don't know Anita, it kinda seems important for self-growth. Most people get over that in an instant, they have a good life. I don't for whatever reason, and yes I've always felt detached or out of place or just not really part of a group and it's been damning when i was younger. I need to get over that on my own. Getting into a relationship before that would be destructive because I'd constantly be depending on this other person to not feel alone or isolated or just plain happy. See what I mean by immature?

I don't know if I would describe it as immature. Maybe a little naive. I think that's what a lot of young folks think they have to do - hold off on relationships until they are 110% okay with themselves, and then they are ready!

But that's not exactly how life works. My friend told me when I was single and still nursing some low self-esteem, "It's not that you have to be 100% perfect before you go into a relationship. You just need to find someone who's on the same path as you and will complement you."

It's fine to look at attractive pothead girl and think, "She's hot, but she's not on the same path as me and I don't want to go down her road." But that has to be a purposeful kind of decision, or else you'll be second-guessing yourself the whole time.

It's also very likely that some workaholics use their career as a crutch. You can't use work as your entire identity either. There always has to be a balance.

Also, it's fine to be an introverted hermit. Most of the time it's just me and my fiance. We see friends once a week, if that. We don't have a group that we hang out with. But we're happy, because we're okay with it. Being afraid of getting into a relationship because you're afraid of the other person being a social crutch mostly means that you aren't comfortable with this whole introverted thing yet. That's how I felt when I was surrounded by extroverts.

Originally Posted by Nave 'Torment'

Yeah trust me I'm not :P the other day I was having this same discussion with a friend who was very much about societal function. His idea goes that women do want a guy they can rely on, especially in Bangladesh where it's kinda unsafe to go outside for anybody, as it's traditionally conservative, women here (apparently) expect their men to be able to do the things they can't, usually the stuff of the great outdoors. And his idea was that this expectation isn't only limited to our culture but goes beyond it, and while there may be those who are exceptions, it's "safer" to assume that in a relationship you're expected to fit into culturally-assigned roles. Masculine or otherwise. And I'm thinking okay so that goes the other way too doesn't it? If women expect men to be "men" then those same men are also expecting their partners to act like "womenly women." In other words, the making sandwich time It's not something anyone should be aspiring towards. At least not when you're talking about the ideal relationship. Take that back to the idea of all relationships inherently being "complimentary" where one partner compliments the other -- and it's a very romantic notion -- but then it would mean exactly that sort of cultural-designation of roles.[/B]

I have no idea how diverse Bangladesh is. Is it really that conservative? Even among upper-middle class Americans, it can run the gamut. My uncle pays for his family's lifestyle. He's definitely the breadwinner and they're the more conservative of my relatives. My family is not as well-off as them, but we put more emphasis on life fulfillment and not prestige. In fact, my mom made also twice as much as my dad when I was in high school.

My coworker is also part of a very traditional marriage (or at least her husband hoped that it would be more traditional, instead of her doing things behind his back all the time ), and that's a whole other world compared to the rest of the workgroup. It's very interesting how such differing viewpoints could exist in such a small geographical area....

So I don't know what the reality is for you. But in my experience, if you believe an unsurmountable obstacle is there, then it will be there. If you don't believe there is one (or even if it's just a minor inconvenience instead), you'll find a way around it.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

Is she like a "friend" now?

Why are you investing time in her if you don't want to make a move because she has a bf?

She talks to me

She's even gotten mad at me, accusing me of ignoring her because I don't go out of my way to talk to her. I basically make her put forth any effort at talking and communication.

She's a "friend" in terms of we talk on the phone / text / talk in person when we see each other, and there is a level of a relationship there between us. If you're asking if I'm "friend zoned", I highly doubt that.

What exactly do you mean my "invest"? I mean, I talk to her in a "keeping options open" kind of way, so I guess on that level I "invest".

I don't "invest" in terms of waiting around for something to happen. I have too many other things going on in my life, both romantically and otherwise, to wait around for some girl to figure out which dude she wants in her life. I've even flat out told her that I'm not going to be her walking ego boost that she can turn to when she's not happy with her man.

[Erzengel]

Originally Posted by Nell2ThaIzzay

I don't "invest" in terms of waiting around for something to happen. I have too many other things going on in my life, both romantically and otherwise, to wait around for some girl to figure out which dude she wants in her life. I've even flat out told her that I'm not going to be her walking ego boost that she can turn to when she's not happy with her man.

Just making sure, because you keep bringing this girl up and are not mentioning the other "romantic" things going on in your life.

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

And I only mentioned this one cuz I thought it was embarrassingly bad that I texted her something meant for someone else, talking about her lol.

[TheAQU4M4N]

Been with my girl for the past 4 years, we've been on and off for the past two because we didnt really know what we wanted for ourselves. I definitely see a future together(possibly marriage) with this girl but I'm not sure if she feels the same. I think we both a little more time to mature.

[Erzengel]

How old are both of you?

[TheAQU4M4N]

Originally Posted by Erzengel

How old are both of you?

I'm 23 shes 22.

[Erzengel]

She might not be....but she's the person to ask.

[Anita18]

Yeah age doesn't really matter. My coworker was way too young when she got married at 20, but she's the ambitious type and I don't think her husband anticipated just how ambitious she actually turned out to be. But I have another friend who's pregnant and getting married at 22 and it's the thing for her. I also have friends who got married at 22 still in college and they're quite happy where they are, even though they're otherwise pretty nontraditional. It all depends.

But I do think that people who feel unfulfilled in a relationship perhaps have a view of relationships as a prison. In their minds, you get into a relationship to settle down, not go on adventures. And it's only until they feel ready to settle down, that they feel ready to be in a serious relationship, which actually might never happen for them.