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Old 01-06-2014, 10:49 PM   #1
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Default Machete Order & Carrie Order

By now most of you are familiar with the IMHO revolutionary new way of viewing the Star Wars saga created by Rod Hilton that actually improves the overall story, while simultaneously eliminating some of the garbage, known as Machete Order. If you are not familiar the films are to be watched in the following order: IV, V, II, III, VI.

If you are not familiar here is the original piece and it absolutely worth your time reading it in its entirety:

Essentially his order eliminates Episode I not just because it's dreadful (which it is) but because it adds nothing to the story. Also by viewing in this order you create a "flashback" scenario ala Godfather II that adds suspense, drama, maintains and IMPROVES all of the secrets, and narrative improvements to the overall story. In addition, watching Episode III right before VI actually makes the great parts of VI (Yoda scenes and Luke/Emperor/Vader scenes) significantly better! I won't go into all of his arguments here but read his piece and you'll see he is on to something.

I went ahead and watched the films in this order and I overall loved it. I really think it flowed well and added narrative prowess to the entire saga. I showed my wife (who was a Star Wars virgin) this order and she completely understood it and enjoyed the series. Episode I was not missed and is truly, and thankfully, not needed.

There was one glaring problem though...Episode II. It It sucks bad. Really bad. It's a horrible movie that is confusing, often pointless, superficial, and has the worst and creepiest "romantic" subplot I've ever witnessed in a film. Even my wife (who thoroughly enjoyed Episodes III, IV, V, & VI) couldn't handle this film. She was groaning and complaining throughout the "love" scenes; and this from a woman who LOVES those dreadful and ever cheesy romantic comedies. And you know what...I completely agree with her. It was unwatchable.

Now Machete Order argues that II is necessary because of character introductions and plots that are continued in III. However thanks to another great read by accomplished author of the sci-fi/fantasy Kitty Norville series Carrie Vaughn; we may have been saved the horrors of Episode II as well.

I present to you Carrie Order! She praises Machete Order but points out that there is nothing introduced in Episode II that isn't re-introduced in III. So why sit through a dreadful movie when you don't have to? The greatest unexpected benefit? The creepy/dreadful romance of II is now gone from your viewing experience.

Here's the site in full:

Here's a passage that IMHO has convinced me to skip Episode II:
Itís so interesting to me as a writer that Episode I really is superfluous. Itís a prologue and little more. Darth Maul never gets mentioned again, Qui Gon barely gets mentioned again. Pretty much nothing that happens has an impact on the rest of the series, except it moves a few pieces around to get them into position for later events. Why not just start with those pieces in the right place to begin with?

Turns out, the same is true of Attack of the Clones. I hadnít seen this in ten years so coming to it fresh was interesting, because I got to really study it this time. And itís also just moving pieces around, and nothing the characters do has an impact on the later story. The best thing in it is the giant Jedi battle ó but that gets drowned out by the giant, messy droid v. clone trooper battle that happens right after. Sound and fury, man ó you know the rest of the quote. Also, the Anakin/Padme relationship is totally creepy in this one. Heís a clingy stalker kid ó and then she just decides to fall in love with him for no particular reason. WTF?

Revenge of the Sith pretty much reiterates everything that happened in Attack of the Clones. Separatists, check. Droid army, check. Clone army, check. Conspiracy, check. Anakin filled with ambition and rage, check. But if you start with Revenge of the Sith, you donít have to try to forget about how creepy the Anakin/Padme thing has been up until now. Theyíre just two people in love and you buy it and itís great. Also, the battle above Coruscant really is one of the most impressive set pieces in the series. Think about the cliffhanger of Empire, flowing into that ó ooh, yeah. It says, ďYou thought the war between the Rebel Alliance and Empire was bad? This is what the war to try to save the Republic looked like.Ē

Think about it. Why keep Episode II for narrative purposes as Machete argues? And for the record, Hilton acknowledges that II is a horrible film, but if that's not reason enough how about this:

Here's the important narrative additions (to the overall story) of Episode II:
1) Clone army created
2) Clones controlled by Supreme Chancellor Palpatine
3) Darth Sidious secretly controls the clones
4) Count Dooku/Darth Tyranus is leading a separatist movement
5) Darth Sidious is secretly controlling the separatist movement
6) Palpatine has a special interest in Anakin
7) Anakin and Padme are secretly romantically involved
8) Anakin is reckless, impatient, and filled with angst

Every last one of those is re-introduced and explained in Episode III! In fact every last one of them is introduced BETTER in Episode III. Why watch an awful movie when you don't have to!

What junk do you get rid of by skipping Episode II?

1) The aforementioned vomit inducing "romance"
2) Jango/Bobba Fett (You're welcome)
3) The mind numbingly confusing backstory of how the clones were created
4) Obi-Wan's diner detective work
5) The completely unnecessary plot device of those useless and stupid bug people creating the Death Star
6) That dreadful Super NES looking conveyor belt scene that lasts about one and a half hours
7) Horrible CGI battles and gladiator monsters
8) Three words: Bouncy Ball Yoda

Here's one last quote from her piece:
So there we are. Carrie Version: IV, V, III, VI. If youíre an orthodox fan who wants some kind of prequel experience* without being driven insane by all the things in the prequels that piss you off, this gives you just enough of the whole Anakin/Padme relationship and formation of the Empire and death of the Jedi order to fill in the backstory of the original trilogy.

*Please note the idea of Carrie and/or Machete Order is that you want some kind of prequel experience (and IMHO Episode III DOES significantly add to the story) in your Star Wars saga. So if you are IV, V, and VI purist then this is not for you and there's no need to bash it. Thank you.

The choice is clear. Skip Episode II as well as Episode I and watch a full, complete, and compelling story told by 4 movies that are all good to outstanding.

Star Wars Carrie Order:


The Avengers..The New Avengers
The Guardians of the Galaxy..The Inhumans

VS. Thanos
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Old 05-06-2014, 06:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: Machete Order & Carrie Order

Honest Trailers: Attack of the Clones

The Avengers..The New Avengers
The Guardians of the Galaxy..The Inhumans

VS. Thanos
Aztec is offline   Reply With Quote

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