A Roman walks into a bar...

[knowsbleed]

... he holds up his index and middle finger and says, "Five beers, please".

 

[knowsbleed]

It's difficult to explains puns to a kleptomaniac...they always take things literally.

 

[Anubis]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra....

 

[knowsbleed]

What's the difference between ignorance & indifference?

Don't know and don't care.

 

[Anubis]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other one and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Marvolo]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other one and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Ok this one made me laugh.

 

[Anubis]

What do you call a fish with no eyes? I fsh.

 

[squeekness]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other one and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

[DarkSovereignty]

Hmmm, this thread, I like it. It will surely get closed

 

[DarkSentinel]

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

 

[Hotwire]

Two men walk into a bar...
The third one ducks.

 

[DarkSentinel]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink called a Gary?"

 

[TheSpectacular]

This thread

 

[bored]

A man walks into a bar in Ancient Rome and orders a martinus.
"Don't you mean a 'martini'?" Asks the bartender.
The man says "If I wanted two, I'd ask for it."

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

A man walks into a bar….. ouch!

 

[TheSpectacular]

*Insert joke*

 

[squeekness]

I don't know any good jokes.

 

[Kane52630]

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

 

[Hobgoblin]

A man walks into a doctors office and says "I broke my arm in two place. What should I do?" The doctor says "Don't go to those two places again."

 

[knowsbleed]

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?” The linguist replied, “They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?” The linguist replied, “They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

He probably thought he was a pretty cunning linguist.

 

[Superman 1265]

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

 

[Hotwire]

A guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor so, the barman comes up and says, "What's that lyin' there?" The man says, "Is not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

 

[The Endless]

I crapped my pants in the elevator. I'm taking this **** to a whole other level!!!

 

[charl_huntress]

What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?

A sunken chest and no booty.