Absence makes the heart....break?

[Spider-Who?]

I guess this is for anyone who is/was/has been/will be in a long distance relationship (for anyamount of time).

How do you deal with it? With being apart from your loved one, seperated by x amount of miles for weeks, months, years?

For me, this is a foreign concept, and sadly one I will be forced to endure.

My gf and I have only been going out for a month, but we have been best of friends for 3 years (the past year includes our secret love for eachother), ergo, despite the short amount of time being a couple, our feelings for eachother are pretty strong.

Currently, she is 800+ miles away from me for the next 3 weeks, having both of us gone our seperate ways for our very short summer break. We have gone from seeing eachother EVERY day to not at all. Granted, such a break is a good thing considering our amount of contact time, yet I find myself feeling tortured. We havent talked in 3 days (a record for us) despite her telling me she would call (3 days ago). I tried calling her today, but had to leave a message. I know she is at some point, so that might be a reason for our lack of communication.

Its not just that empty feeling of being away from a loved one that I am experienceing, but also my mind is playing games with me that I can't stop, despite how ridiculous it may be. Hurtful thoughts like "she's cheated and feels bad so she is not calling/returning calls; she doesnt love me anymore; she doesnt miss me; etc etc"....I have 100% trust it her, but these outrageous thoughts zip in my mind and hurt before i can push them out. Is this normal? I've been in relaitonships before, but none this serious and i've never had to deal with the long distance thing before either.

This 3 weeks apart is also "practice" as she will be gone for an as of yet undertermined amount of time in the fall (anywhere from one month to 5) and if I'm having issues with 3 weeks, I have no idea how I'll handle any longer.

Is this normal for newbies to LDR's? I really love this girl, and in my heart i know she loves me, so how do i keep my mind from making me think other wise during our times apart?!

~Insomnia sucks

 

[Man-Thing]

10$ says she's got a boyfriend.

 

[Spider-Who?]

no, she is visiting a friend of hers (whom i've met prior to our dating) and the long break apart is do to a long ago planned trip to visit said friend/relax after graduation.

 

[Danger Mouse]

I really love this girl, and in my heart i know she loves me...

Then you have nothing to worry about. Love makes an hour seem like an eternity, but before you know it, 3 weeks would've passed.

Just stay strong.

Ah, young love... sigh...

 

[AlteredEgo]

honestly if you trust her there's not much you can do other then keep in contact and hold up your side. as for long-distance, it can work, it has in the past for many people, despite what seems to be the majorities opinion of those things never working. just dont listen to them.

 

[Spider-Who?]

honestly if you trust her there's not much you can do other then keep in contact and hold up your side. as for long-distance, it can work, it has in the past for many people, despite what seems to be the majorities opinion of those things never working. just dont listen to them.

yeah, the weekend before we parted ways, we spent a whole day reading together at Borders. before we left, she found a book about long distance relationships. seeing how i was flat broke (i just rented my first apt) i couldnt buy it, however i suggested when we return, we should split the cost and read it to eachother at night. she and i really want this to work, not that we fear it wont; we just want to move along fully prepared. now, if only i can survive these next few weeks.

thing is, being away from her, its human nature to be self-centered, and i cant shake the idea that i'm sitting here in my own tears and heart break missing her, while she's off having fun w/me never on her mind (not that i dont want her to have fun...i pray everysecond of her day is filled with laughter, but my at times negative mind clouds my thoughts

 

[AlteredEgo]

no, i know what you mean, but dont let it bog you down or nothing and dont let it be the end for you, because the worst thing you can do is build it up so big in your mind that you just end up depressed about being depressed. anyways, it sounds like you guys have to two biggest components anyways, trust and commitment. as long as you have those two you should be alright.

 

[LostSon88]

Leave her a comment on myspace.

 

[Spider-Who?]

funny thing, i did that. i looked today and saw that she was on the site, but got no reply from her, she didnt even approve my comment

 

[Kaleb]

i know a couple that have a very long distance relationship , one is in Peru and the other is in London and honestly im impressed they are still together.

 

[Superman79]

Long distance relationships never work. I've tried. Just move on and find a new gal.

Futher men who can tell you long distance fails:

Superman (leaves for Krypton and look what happens??)

Private Anthony Swafford from "Jarhead"

Ghostrider87 (I'd bet $100 that Carmen already has a new man )

 

[Erzengel]

Okay Spider Who.

Let me say this. LDR suck and few can actually make it work. There's nothing more exciting as seeing your love after time apart but there's nothing more heartbreaking than having to say goodbye.

How do you deal with it? You get used to it. There's no sage like advice I can give you here. You talk when you can and what not but that's all you can do unless you plan on leaving with her.

 

[Strange]

You sound young, I suggest moving on.

 

[Spidey Rules 2]

I'm in the military so I was seperated from my gf for a long period of time (we were both 18 at the time). She was faithful for about a year, after that she started having doubts and got together with someone else. I found out and broke it off. I was hurt back then, but looking back, there is no way it would of worked (unless we wouldn't of gotten married, but we both felt we were too young). Even though we broke up we still remained friends until this day (we're now both 35). We tried to start something back up in our mid-20s, but we weren't the same person anymore and so the chemistry was already gone by then. Promise each other to stay friends no matter what because chances are long distance relationships (depending on the distance, time spent apart, time spent together before seperating etc...) rarely work. I'm happy that I remained friends with my ex,... though my wife isn't too happy about that....neither is her husband.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Okay Spider Who.

Let me say this. LDR suck and few can actually make it work. There's nothing more exciting as seeing your love after time apart but there's nothing more heartbreaking than having to say goodbye.

How do you deal with it? You get used to it. There's no sage like advice I can give you here. You talk when you can and what not but that's all you can do unless you plan on leaving with her.

eh, yeah, thats what i figured. not even made up sage-like advice? a goofy anicdote? the truth is appreciated.

 

[Spider-Who?]

You sound young, I suggest moving on.

young? yeah, I suppose. I'm about to hit the 21 mark (she's a few years older). move on? at this point in time, that cannot be done. She and I have invested too much already - we've been best friends for quite awhile and feel that we found our true love in eachothers friendship. Making this work is the only way we want to do it, however at the beginning of the relationship, (we knew the LDR would take place for a while) she and I wondered if we should even start a relationship do to that. But be it for good or bad, we decided if it was meant to work, it would work.

 

[Mr. Credible]

funny thing, i did that. i looked today and saw that she was on the site, but got no reply from her, she didnt even approve my comment

that's not a good sign, man. is the 'friend' she's visiting a guy?

 

[Darthphere]

Why anyone would be dumb enough to think a long distance relationship actually works is beyond me.

 

[Erzengel]

If the girl is worth it, why not? How old are you Spider-Who?

 

[Darthphere]

If the girl is worth it, why not? How old are you Spider-Who?

Erz, thats incredibly naive. If you really think someone can stay faithful with all the temptation of not being caught by your boyfriend, im sorry youre doomed for heartbreak, trust me I know.

 

[Erzengel]

I didn't say everyone could do it, it's not uncommon, but someone has to eventually move.