Advice and Relationships Again: A Hypester's Tale

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I haven't been keeping up with this thread recently? He's your fiance now? Congratuations. When did that happen and how? Maybe you've already told the story of your proposal on here, but I haven't heard it.

You met him online, right? How did you find the long distance relationship to begin with? Was that something that made you hesitant? Or perhaps you didn't consider it that long distance?

I would think it could be a problem, especially if you're deciding to meet up for the first time and a person is a 2-3 hours drive away. You don't want to overdo it, but you can't just mee t up for only an hour or less if, say, it takes you 2-3 hours to get to a person. Wouldn't you want to make more of a day of it, but then you know you can't plan it that way, because what if you don't get on in person?

How do others feel about having to travel to meet someone online who is a few hours away?
Back in March. We were checking out a community garden as we usually do when we go to the coast, and he set the ring box down on a rock when I had skipped ahead, and told me I needed to come back and "check this out." Now, I knew the proposal was going to happen that weekend (he was living upstate at the time) but I was still surprised enough for my first thought to be, "Hey, someone left their ring here!" :funny:

When we met, we lived about an hour away. That's not tooooo far, but then we weren't seeing each other multiple times a week. Plus, to get anywhere in Los Angeles it takes an hour anyway so it isn't really a big deal here. :funny:

He moved back upstate after a few dates and I figured I would never hear from him again. We didn't see each other during that time (nor did we keep in touch really), but then he moved back down for a job and we started seeing each other again. I like to joke I really had nothing better to do so I might as well keep dating him. :funny: And he still lived an hour out of the way, but he'd drive two hours to the coast from where he was every weekend anyway, so I considered myself enroute. :oldrazz: Probably depends on where you are. In Los Angeles a few hours is what many people call their daily commute. :o
 
I'm just curious. But how do you act if you like someone? And how do you know that someone likes you?
 
I'm just curious. But how do you act if you like someone? And how do you know that someone likes you?
My fiance showed no outward sign of interest in me at the beginning, so physical signs or flirting doesn't necessarily mean anything. I do know people who are naturally flirty to everybody anyway. Never assume anything by body language, no matter what people tell you. You'll not know for sure and you might end up disappointed. (Plus I just read the Reddit/Jezebel thread on rape culture and yeah...don't just assume what a girl must be thinking.)

You ask them out, and if they say yes, that's a good sign. And if you get a second date, and a third date, and a fourth date, chances are they like you. :oldrazz: It worked for me, anyway. I figured he MUST like me if he kept on asking me out. :funny:
 
I'm just curious. But how do you act if you like someone? And how do you know that someone likes you?
There's some physical signs in context. Constantly worrying about your safety or wanting to make sure you "stick around" is a good sign someone is into you even if they haven't said anything. Also, you don't want them shying away from taboo topics with you. Not shying away doesn't necessarily mean anything, but completely avoiding them does. If they don't want to "get personal" with you and keep most discussion to small talk, I'd say they are not truly interested.

Touching is another one unless they're like that with everyone or most everyone. Usually though if the touching seems like it's pretending to be inadvertent, like constantly brushing against you, holding and rubbing your arm, wanting to be way in your physical space, then it means something. Something very overtly flirtatious, particularly when the girl is trying to be very sexy all the time, is usually bullsh**.

It's in fact the same bullsh** I do all the time.

I talk in this very even tone that sounds an awful lot like Ryan Gosling from Drive. I kind of adopt this Downey Jr. sense of humor. That's all premeditated. It's for entertainment purposes only, but that's not to say I don't know it can get me what I want without actually having to commit to anything.

The more incidental touching tends to mean something.

Because honestly listen to all the guys in here "I like this person but I don't know how to say so...".

Think anyone is really that different?

More than likely any girl with some actual interest in you, whether it's an intense sexual fascination, or something else/more, isn't going to want to get shot down either. So you have to consider real blunt signs like grabbing your junk and saying "mine" are more than likely not going to happen.

Also, another good body language indicator is staring at you, perpetually, kind of to the point where you get creeped out. When they have a deer in the headlights look, like it hasn't occured to them they are staring. There's almost no two ways to read that (unless you have something on your face). Usually that's just plain sexual. Most women/people are not aware when they do those things.

Getting nervous around you is another good sign.

Most of what I look at comes from remember what it was like for me when I "liked" someone. I think about the things I did or how I behaved and then see if women I know exibit those same signs. Sure enough there has been a lot of cross over. Some of my game (although I think game is bullsh**; separate discussion) comes from mimicking girls who I was into, except doing it in a "guy" way.

People have their own speeds though. The signs may be 'there' but your brain realizes what it wants before you are consciously aware of it, so you can't get all Rapey McRaperstein on them just because they flash you the eyes. More often than not as long as you are getting signs and those signs are getting more intense simply means that eventually, as long as you keep asking them to do things with you, they'll just eventually go there.
 
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If you want to know how to read the signals if someone likes you, just watch this clip for some pointers:

[YT]XacA1IiPQB8[/YT]

:hehe:
 
Back in March. We were checking out a community garden as we usually do when we go to the coast, and he set the ring box down on a rock when I had skipped ahead, and told me I needed to come back and "check this out." Now, I knew the proposal was going to happen that weekend (he was living upstate at the time) but I was still surprised enough for my first thought to be, "Hey, someone left their ring here!" :funny:

When we met, we lived about an hour away. That's not tooooo far, but then we weren't seeing each other multiple times a week. Plus, to get anywhere in Los Angeles it takes an hour anyway so it isn't really a big deal here. :funny:

He moved back upstate after a few dates and I figured I would never hear from him again. We didn't see each other during that time (nor did we keep in touch really), but then he moved back down for a job and we started seeing each other again. I like to joke I really had nothing better to do so I might as well keep dating him. :funny: And he still lived an hour out of the way, but he'd drive two hours to the coast from where he was every weekend anyway, so I considered myself enroute. :oldrazz: Probably depends on where you are. In Los Angeles a few hours is what many people call their daily commute. :o

But you must've gotten on at first, at least reasonably well? Otherwise you wouldn't have made the effort to travel even that distance. Some people wouldn't make the effort if they even live in the same city and only half an hour away. You talked on the phone/online first before meeting, right? How long after all that did you actually meet up?

I've been emailing a girl recently on one of these online dating sites. It's all very very recent and still very early days. She seems nice enough. The problem is that she lives about 2-3 hours drive from me.

The thing is that I don't really want a pen pal. I'd rather meet in person sooner than later to see how we actually get on than continue emailing and then maybe later speaking on the phone etc. But it's not easy to just meet up like that because of the distance. I don't really want to drive that far when it's all still a big unknown. It would be a different matter if we were actually in a relationship. Petrol isn't cheap, and it would also seem like an incredible waste of time driving 2-3 hours for a first date if it's just going to be really short or she decides after 5 minutes she's going to lemon law me or she bails out with some emergency phone call. I would really need to know before hand that we're going to get on at least reasonably well, but you can't really do that until you meet in person. So it's a catch 22 situation.

So the question is whether I should quit while I'm ahead and hope to find someone nearer (but no-one else nearer responded to me on this site), or continue to get to know her via email etc and progressing from there?
 
2-3 hours is a long drive, especially if you're older.

Think of it this way. You go out Saturday Night. You already just added 4-6 hours on to your date.

It'd be one thing if she lived in the area and you guys dated and then one of you had to move.

However, this is all moot if she's really hot.
 
What's bothering me today? People who seem to think they can control not just your life but your very thoughts and fantasies. I am well aware that there are some guys that I have massive crushes on who might not share the same fervor for the institution of marriage that I do and I am blunt about it with men right from the start about looking for a husband not a longtime partner, but that's not going to stop me from dreaming about them, even if it hurts me that they don't feel strongly enough about me to make me their wife.

Now that I've thought about it marriage is not for cowards. It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that you love a man/woman so much that you want them to have your family name in every legal way possible. Only the brave endeavor to make a marriage work. And it takes toughness as well as maturity to even make something like a divorce amicable, if a married union ever gets to that point where living with one another is intolerable.
 
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You keep mentioning these "crushes". Why not actually go on a date with one of them instead of just being overdramatic about circumstances beyond your control and this whole everyone is against me mentality?
 
You keep mentioning these "crushes". Why not actually go on a date with one of them instead of just being overdramatic about circumstances beyond your control and this whole everyone is against me mentality?

Well, I'm trying to work on getting past the crush stage but I guess one guy in particular that I'm really routing for is just so desirable by the females within his vicinity that it's like running the Olympic Hurdle relay just to get to him. Not only that but it's like doing the relay with them, their friends and families leaping onto the concourse, chasing me down, blocking my way waving their arms around like idiots, nipping at my ankles, NFL football tackling me and trying to prevent me from making any progress whatsoever. I mean seriously...it's like this guy is such a hot property that they want to 100% lord or lady themselves over him that these people don't even want to let us have at least a cordial friend to friend chat over dinner with one another let a lone be officially an item. God...possessive , controlling people really suck bollocks. Even if I did score a dinner date with him, these people are worse than Hollywood paparazzi not giving us a moments peace to just have a chat. I mean at this stage that's all I really would like, is to chat with him, no romance or serious relationship, just get to know each other. I'm just interested in one on one time with him and if it goes nowhere at least I'd have made a friend, right? I don't know...I guess he must have intimated a level of interest in me to have gotten such a four alarm panic over just a simple little meeting of two people with common interests. But like I said I want to bide my time and just see what this man is like first before committing myself to even a full on romantic partnering. No sex or closely intimate relations at this point. My intention is just to learn about this man, his childhood memories, his favorite things and activities, etc. etc. These people are just overreacting so much concerning me and my full intentions. Of course people who just love love love soap opera level drama are prone to being this way. My younger sister is one of those types and I've gotten a cursory primer on this negative, destructive behavior. My God all I want is a pleasant chat over dinner with him, but these people are just flipping out like if we were to both meet it would cause some sort of universal upheaval and change. Seriously I have never met such out of control. stressed out people in my entire life and I used to be friends with a few "hairbags" (Basically these are what you could call people who were considered Bad Influences though they were completely accepting of my nerdiness and just left me alone.) in High School in my youth.
 
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Ok, so here is whats going on in my world. Still seeing fling girl. We just got back from a vacation in the mountains. Been with her 2 over months. everything is moving swimmingly except she keeps talking about how she wants to sell her house next summer and move out of my city to the mountains. SO WTF?
Where is the commitment in that? Thats why I call her a fling! Thats why I pursue other women. Its her fault! So we have moved to stage 3, dating.

Someone here said these are the steps in a relationship:

1. hang out and have sex which leads to
2. more sex and exploring each others bodies
3. which leads to dating
4. which leads to a relationship.

Seems kinda screwy backwards to me but whatever.

I am still attracted to comic chick. This is how that is. She never had a relationship with her father, he bailed when she was very young. So she sees me as a sort of father figure. Thats why she likes older men and loves attention from older men. She wants to please me and I have been told by 2 different people that she would hop into bed with me just to please me. In fact, when I talk to her now I am going to use those words. "Yes, this pleases me or NO! that does not please me." See if I can connect on an unconscious level. She does little things for me like jumps up and cleans up the table after we go out and eat at a fast food place, stuff like that. I never ask her to do that. She likes to please! We spend more time alone now. Going to have to make my move on her and see what happens.

I have feelings for BOTH women, that has NEVER occurred before because I have never had more than one woman in my life at the same time.

A third contender has arisen. A girl off this dating site sent me a message and we have been chatting. She lives in a different city, about 1.5 hours away. She is in her 30s and has a slim hard body that I would live to $#@! She jogs 7 km everyday! We made plans to meet up for coffee. All this is possible because fling girl goes on a vacation (which she booked before she met me) with a gf for 10 days in August.

I have to say that all the above has made me super confident around women. I almost asked out this 20 something girl that works at the gym I go to, just to see what she would say. I give her compliments and chat her up every now and then. She would have said NO! and I fully expected her to say NO! but it would not faze me, thats how confident I am.
 
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What's bothering me today? People who seem to think they can control not just your life but your very thoughts and fantasies. I am well aware that there are some guys that I have massive crushes on who might not share the same fervor for the institution of marriage that I do and I am blunt about it with men right from the start about looking for a husband not a longtime partner, but that's not going to stop me from dreaming about them, even if it hurts me that they don't feel strongly enough about me to make me their wife.

Now that I've thought about it marriage is not for cowards. It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that you love a man/woman so much that you want them to have your family name in every legal way possible. Only the brave endeavor to make a marriage work. And it takes toughness as well as maturity to even make something like a divorce amicable, if a married union ever gets to that point where living with one another is intolerable.

Nobody wants to control your life or your thoughts, and your expectations are way too high if you're wanting a guy to "make you his wife" when you haven't even gone out on a date.

Even I'm not that desperate to see a girl and think "I should marry her"
 
I am blunt about it with men right from the start about looking for a husband not a longtime partner, but that's not going to stop me from dreaming about them, even if it hurts me that they don't feel strongly enough about me to make me their wife.

broaching the subject, beit looking for a husband, marriage or what you don't want is a lot at the beginning and more likely to scare off someone than not. that's coming on too strong too soon imo
 
Nobody wants to control your life or your thoughts, and your expectations are way too high if you're wanting a guy to "make you his wife" when you haven't even gone out on a date.

Even I'm not that desperate to see a girl and think "I should marry her"

No, it's not that a guy should marry a girl. I mean they should want to if they feel strongly enough. For me it's an honor bound decision on the man's part to have the woman he loves bear his family's last name legally.

Anyways, my mom and I were talking about girls who fight over guys and I said that doing that is so immature. It's not about fighting over a guy at all with me. I told my mom that decision belongs to the man in question, not the girls interested in him. I mean really what does all the yelling and hair pulling do, absolutely nothing but be a hideous example of de-evolution into primitive apes. The more civilized approach is to talk with the guy and tell him a decision must be made who he wants to be with and for better or for worse that decision needs to be abided by. Example: If a guy thinks I'm what he's looking for and he decides he'd like to be with me I'd be elated. But if he told me he would rather be with the other girl I would accept his decision and go on my merry way because I'm that confident in myself and in my independence now that I wouldn't want to disgrace myself by bowing and scraping like a desperate little girl over a guy. I mean I'm not totally lost. I still have Monster Hunter and Skyrim to keep me company guy or no guy.
 
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Well, I'm trying to work on getting past the crush stage but I guess one guy in particular that I'm really routing for is just so desirable by the females within his vicinity that it's like running the Olympic Hurdle relay just to get to him. Not only that but it's like doing the relay with them, their friends and families leaping onto the concourse, chasing me down, blocking my way waving their arms around like idiots, nipping at my ankles, NFL football tackling me and trying to prevent me from making any progress whatsoever. I mean seriously...it's like this guy is such a hot property that they want to 100% lord or lady themselves over him that these people don't even want to let us have at least a cordial friend to friend chat over dinner with one another let a lone be officially an item. God...possessive , controlling people really suck bollocks. Even if I did score a dinner date with him, these people are worse than Hollywood paparazzi not giving us a moments peace to just have a chat. I mean at this stage that's all I really would like, is to chat with him, no romance or serious relationship, just get to know each other. I'm just interested in one on one time with him and if it goes nowhere at least I'd have made a friend, right? I don't know...I guess he must have intimated a level of interest in me to have gotten such a four alarm panic over just a simple little meeting of two people with common interests. But like I said I want to bide my time and just see what this man is like first before committing myself to even a full on romantic partnering. No sex or closely intimate relations at this point. My intention is just to learn about this man, his childhood memories, his favorite things and activities, etc. etc. These people are just overreacting so much concerning me and my full intentions. Of course people who just love love love soap opera level drama are prone to being this way. My younger sister is one of those types and I've gotten a cursory primer on this negative, destructive behavior. My God all I want is a pleasant chat over dinner with him, but these people are just flipping out like if we were to both meet it would cause some sort of universal upheaval and change. Seriously I have never met such out of control. stressed out people in my entire life and I used to be friends with a few "hairbags" (Basically these are what you could call people who were considered Bad Influences though they were completely accepting of my nerdiness and just left me alone.) in High School in my youth.


What exactly are they doing to stop you? Roadblocks? Death threats? I dare you to call the dude up and ask to hang out.
 
I mean I'm not totally lost. I still have Monster Hunter and Skyrim to keep me company guy or no guy.

Or, you know... friends?

:csad:

She never had a relationship with her father, he bailed when she was very young. So she sees me as a sort of father figure. Thats why she likes older men and loves attention from older men. She wants to please me and I have been told by 2 different people that she would hop into bed with me just to please me. In fact, when I talk to her now I am going to use those words. "Yes, this pleases me or NO! that does not please me." See if I can connect on an unconscious level. She does little things for me like jumps up and cleans up the table after we go out and eat at a fast food place, stuff like that. I never ask her to do that. She likes to please! We spend more time alone now. Going to have to make my move on her and see what happens.

You're going to try and get this girl to sleep with you by subconsciously making her think that pleasing you is like pleasing her father, who's approval she longs for because he abandoned her?

What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU? :wow::doh::argh:
 
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Nobody wants to control your life or your thoughts, and your expectations are way too high if you're wanting a guy to "make you his wife" when you haven't even gone out on a date.

Even I'm not that desperate to see a girl and think "I should marry her"
I think my fiance was pretty sure he liked me enough to keep me long-term when we first met, but I sure wouldn't bring up MARRIAGE on the first date. :lmao:

I think it was actually he who brought it up while a bit tipsy, 3 years into the relationship. So there's that.

You're going to try and get this girl to sleep with you by subconsciously making her think that pleasing you is like pleasing her father, who's approval she longs for because he abandoned her?

What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU? :wow::doh::argh:
I would link him to the Reddit or Jezebel thread on rape culture but....I imagine it would be lost on him. :o

Hint: trying to coerce a girl into sex is a rapist's way of thinking.
 
Or, you know... friends?

:csad:



You're going to try and get this girl to sleep with you by subconsciously making her think that pleasing you is like pleasing her father, who's approval she longs for because he abandoned her?

What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU? :wow::doh::argh:

Hawt.
 
What the **** type of advice is that?
I mean he's groped her. At this point I think we're past the point of having to dance around it.

I've sent out the occasional "wanna f***" text, it's not bad if that's all you're looking for and that's clearly all he's looking for right here.

I didn't f***** a girl without so much as a hello. Not saying that makes me an expert, but hey, sometimes direct is the way to go.
Having to manipulate her like that doesn't speak very well of Dreadstar's masculinity or attractiveness, does it? :cwink:
I guess not. He posted a picture of himself with the face blocked out in another thread and to be fair to him he's certainly looked to be in fairly decent shape, although faces are pretty important to women. Kind of what you have to look at...ifyaknowwhatimsayin'...

I think it doesn't speak to his confidence. I mean the whole undertone of manipulating someone into f***ing basically hinges on the concept that "all things being equal they wouldn't want to f*** that person". Basically if someone feels like manipulation is necessary then they must not feel like the product is very good to begin with.

Or they have to realize that under the current circumstances that person wouldn't want to f*** them.

Also, this is sort of in regards to the comment "2 people have told me she would [f*** me]" thing Dreadstar said.

Dreadstar, if you haven't tagged it yet, until it happens what 2 people say doesn't mean a whole lot.

Just say "look, are we gonna f*** or what?" because at this point it's one or the other. She'll either blow you off or you'll tag it. Clearly, to me, you're not interested in her friendship. If that's what you wanted you'd get off this manipulation kick.

I have several friends I have f***ed, and it'll probably happen again, but in those scenarios you don't and shouldn't do anything, because your friends will stick around with you regardless of whether or not it goes there, and if they really want to the opportunity is available. You being manipulative makes the sexual tension that already exists between many female and male friends more awkward.
 
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