Apologizing for something you can’t simply apologize for

[turtlefocker]

I have this friend, well more of an acquaintance really but well he recently told me a story about something he did recently asking me for advice on how to proceed. I told him I'd get back to him.

(not really relevant)
First things first. In order to understand what happened it's best to understand the man. He's 21, named Jordan and has just finished his first year of university. He was raised in a hard-core Christian home and came home to find out that his parents are getting a divorce due to his fathers behavior. Apparently his dad had an affair with a woman whom attends the same church as him. Now I'm not telling you this to make it seem like what he did was okay...

Now Jordan has always been socially awkward, I had a law class with him back in high school and that's how we met. He was quiet and kept to himself. He did a presentation against the legalization of gay marriage and quoted the bible in it... being that I'm not religious I thought this was kind of strange. But after talking to him online I kind of got to know him and realized that despite his slight bigotry he's an alright guy.

(the actual thing)
Anyway what happened is Jordan was talknig with a girl at the library who he is a n acquaintance of sorts with but not really a friend. And I guess they see each other there all the time but she wasn't there last time so he asked her why and she said:

"my mother died"


...

now here's the thing....

Jordan laughed

that's ****ed-up eh. He said "are you serious....? (she didn't say anything)..." "then he stopped laughing and, well since she didn't say "yes I'm serious" he assumed she was joking and said "whoa".. he then left.

Turns out her mom is dead and Jordan wants to know how to apologize. Keep in mind mother's day is this SUNDAY (tomorrow) where I live. and this happened Thursday.

I have no advice for him, maybe you do.

 

[Mee]

Uh, well.


Nothing he says is gonna make it better, but he should say something just to not seem like such a jerk. She'll probably not talk to him for a while.


Would you like fries with that?

 

[Manic]

First of all, he has to confront this acquaintance of his in person. Then he has to apologize. That means he has to say "I'm really sorry" and explain that he didn't know she was serious when she said that her mom was dead. Then he has to promise to be more sensitive to her feelings in the future. Then (and this is really crucial) he has to give her time to accept the apology. If this acceptance means her venting her feelings to him right then and there, he has to sit there and listen to why she was upset. If it means waiting a couple of days for her to talk to him, he's gonna have to back off. One thing he must never do (and I mean NEVER) is suggest hanging out immediately after making the apology. It makes it look like he didn't think laughing was a big deal.

 

[Symbiotic]

Uh, well.


Nothing he says is gonna make it better, but he should say something just to not seem like such a jerk. She'll probably not talk to him for a while.


Would you like fries with that?

QFT.

 

[Manic]

Yes, that part is also true. The apology won't make things better, but it will stop things from getting much worse. She'll still remember and hold it against him, though.

 

[The Guard]

It's entirely possible he's just socially awkward. All he has to do is apologize sincerely, point out that sometimes he doesn't know how to react to uncomfortable topics, and be on his way. If she holds it against him, she holds it against him. You can't control whether or not people will forgive you.

 

[StrainedEyes]

What an idiot. Who would skip class and then joke about a parent being dead? When has that ever occurred.

 

[Twin2]

What an idiot. Who would skip class and then joke about a parent being dead? When has that ever occurred.

Well considering people will go so far as to use a human skull they dug up for a bong I'd say it's not to huge a stretch for that to happen.

 

[Tempest19]

A friend? Dude, that's been used plenty of times before. You're you're friend. Just apologize.

 

[Mee]

You know what would really help though?

 

[Tempest19]

/\ I actually have one of those. Use it every time my parents ground me. It's the perfect way out.

 

[Mee]

"No, I was not out until 3 in the morning smoking crack. Also, you want to raise my allowance by like, $5,000."

 

[Symbiotic]

A friend? Dude, that's been used plenty of times before. You're you're friend. Just apologize.

Until you brought it up, I hadn't thought about that possibility.

 

[MattBearPig]

/\ I actually have one of those. Use it every time my parents ground me. It's the perfect way out.

You still get grounded? Haw!

 

[Tempest19]

Well, actually, last time I was grounded was two years ago. I'm only 20. And with how fast every year goes, still seems like it was only yesterday.

 

[KSD]

Just say "I'm really sorry about your Mom" and walk away. She doesn't want to hear about how you didn't mean to laugh, you thought she was joking, etc. Say one line and walk away. And next time, don't be such an idiot. When I say "you" I mean "Jordan".

 

[Dangerous]

Don't apologize for anything- even when you are wrong, that's my policy.

 

[Joker]

Apologize for nothing. Her mom being dead IS funny.

 

[Tempest19]

Now I see why they call you the Joker.

 

[Aristotle]

He could just explain his background, and why he reacts that way to things of that nature, and apologize sincerely.

 

[CrypticOne]

I have this friend, well more of an acquaintance really but well he recently told me a story about something he did recently asking me for advice on how to proceed. I told him I'd get back to him.

(not really relevant)
First things first. In order to understand what happened it's best to understand the man. He's 21, named Jordan and has just finished his first year of university. He was raised in a hard-core Christian home and came home to find out that his parents are getting a divorce due to his fathers behavior. Apparently his dad had an affair with a woman whom attends the same church as him. Now I'm not telling you this to make it seem like what he did was okay...

Now Jordan has always been socially awkward, I had a law class with him back in high school and that's how we met. He was quiet and kept to himself. He did a presentation against the legalization of gay marriage and quoted the bible in it... being that I'm not religious I thought this was kind of strange. But after talking to him online I kind of got to know him and realized that despite his slight bigotry he's an alright guy.

(the actual thing)
Anyway what happened is Jordan was talknig with a girl at the library who he is a n acquaintance of sorts with but not really a friend. And I guess they see each other there all the time but she wasn't there last time so he asked her why and she said:

"my mother died"


...

now here's the thing....

Jordan laughed

that's ****ed-up eh. He said "are you serious....? (she didn't say anything)..." "then he stopped laughing and, well since she didn't say "yes I'm serious" he assumed she was joking and said "whoa".. he then left.

Turns out her mom is dead and Jordan wants to know how to apologize. Keep in mind mother's day is this SUNDAY (tomorrow) where I live. and this happened Thursday.

I have no advice for him, maybe you do.

Man, tough situation.

 

[Mutt]

Just say you're sorry and hope for the best, that's what I always do. Good luck dude.

 

[Lighthouse]

Well, he can't really apologize for the mom being dead, but he can apologize to his incredibly insensitive response.

 

[uchiha_itachi]

as long as he says im sorry for his response its may be ok , specially if he sort of then brushes over it and concentrates on how the girl is feeling by being supportive.

 

[bullets]

she will look down on him either way. i think he should just apologize and say he was never in a situation like that and reacted strangely . he could say it was a nervous laugh , she might buy it.