Autism SUCKS!!!

[Hotwire]

Seriously at my wits end!! I wish whatever caused autism was something physically tangible. That way I could just unleash all of my frustrations on it. It is so hard to deal with. Knowing that this little girl just doesn't understand, and being unable to make her see just how her actions affect me and everyone else. It's almost like something, somewhere is puppeting her and getting some strange form of sadistic glee out of watching me struggle with her. Constantly putting me into fights that, not only can I not win, but against someone I never even want to fight with. I'm sure some of you can identify with this struggle, and some of you can't. I just wish there was a way to make it stop.

 

[DarkSovereignty]

some context would be helpful. you're kindda pulling a jingoua there lol.

 

[Ultimatehero]

Wait, are you seriously complaining about a handicapped person? Like, for real? She can't help it. Don't take your frustrations out on whoever it is. Be the better man and walk away or try to be civil towards her. It's not her fault. You kinda just sounded like someone yelling about wanting to sit in a wheelchair.

 

[Silvermoth]

I was under the impression that he was the one with autism who was struggling with a girl without autism.

 

[Ultimatehero]

I was under the impression that he was the one with autism who was struggling with a girl without autism.

Context is all of whack lol. The someone "puppeting her" part made it sound like he was angry over something she couldn't control. No idea.

 

[Spider-Who?]

While I agree with ultimate hero, I can understand someone being frustrated when dealing with someone with a mental handicap and not being prepared nor understanding how to deal with it. It takes a special person to be able to live with and/or properly nurture someone with a disability.

 

[Hotwire]

Wait, are you seriously complaining about a handicapped person? Like, for real? She can't help it. Don't take your frustrations out on whoever it is. Be the better man and walk away or try to be civil towards her. It's not her fault. You kinda just sounded like someone yelling about wanting to sit in a wheelchair.

I'm complaining about the disorder, not my daughter. I know it's not her fault. That does not make it any easier.


As for context, she does thing that she knows she's not supposed to do just so her mother and I will react and then she laughs if we get mad. She also doesn't respond to verbal commands. Such as, "Don't touch that very fragile thing!" Or, "Don't climb up on that furniture where you might fall and get your FOURTH broken bone in 2 years!"

 

[Hotwire]

I should have been more detailed with my first post. The little girl in question is my four year old daughter. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder about a year ago. We have her in an early intervention preschool and she normally does quite well. However, there are still plenty of days where she loses control and the disorder takes over. This is where the "puppeting" comment came in. Because it is literally like someone else in controlling her. I know she can't help it. I know it's not her fault. I know that she is simply doing things without the ability to think them through beforehand and that she has great difficulty connecting actions to consequences. This does not make dealing with it any easier.

That's why I wish the cause of all of this was something I could physically get my hands on. Maybe that way, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

 

[Ultimatehero]

Now knowing it's your daughter, sorry man - just the original post had no background information, so I didn't know how to tackle it - must be really difficult and I commend you for hanging in there with her.

Now, not knowing much about her age or how severe it is, children rarely listen to their parents. I know I never did. My parents have stories all the time about all the stuff I did that got on their nerves. I wasn't Damien. I just had a mind of my own. Basically saying, depending on her age - some things may go away with time. Fragile doesn't exist to children - fascinating cool looking thing does. Antique stores can be a nightmare for any parent. The fact that she does something to get a reaction out of you? I don't know much, but I'd say that might be a good sign. That shows cognitive thinking. If she was doing it over and over again without trying to get a reaction - that may have shown her not being able to put thought behind it. Depending on her age, that will lessen with time.

I was an adoptee, still am. I did things my parents told me over and over again not to to get a reaction from them as well. Unconsciously, according to therapists, I wanted to see how far I could push them and if they'd still be around. I wanted to see their breaking point. Now consciously, I probably had no idea about that. But, still that was not easy on my parents. I ran away, to my knowledge by the age of five, two times. Two times. That's enough to give any parent a heart attack.

Not meaning to say "all children are the same" and underplay it. Just saying some of these things may go away with time and sound a lot like child stories I hear around. It may be difficult now, but years from now it could get easier to handle.

EDIT: And now knowing she's only four? And as you said, doing much better in other areas? I think a large part might just be children being children. A more difficult child to raise, surely. But, all children to varying degrees are difficult to handle at that age. I mean, I even stole from my preschool lol. I'm not a thief today, far from it.

My Mom actually refuses to babysit really little children because that is just an experience she can not go through again lol. Parenting is a job, and not an easy one at that.

ALSO girl thing - my sister, no psychological thing wrong about her, threw temper tantrums until the age of seventeen. My best friend? His sister was the same way. Girls, man, some are just like that. Kinda why when I get a child, hoping it's a boy - boys seem to be much easier to raise.

 

[Frontier]

Could you be a bit more specific? You said 'Autism Spectrum Disorder' which... well, that's not really a specific diagnosis. Rather, there are multiple disorders within the autism spectrum. Ranging from very mild and manageable forms of Aspbergers (which I'm sorry, but they've yet to accurately portray within even a fraction of on TV or in movies - although Sheldon on Big Bang Theory comes the closest, despite the producers declaring multiple times he does not have such) to the truly worst of such, full blown autism.

I have some experience with autism, though not in it's most sever forms.

 

[Anita18]

I should have been more detailed with my first post. The little girl in question is my four year old daughter. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder about a year ago. We have her in an early intervention preschool and she normally does quite well. However, there are still plenty of days where she loses control and the disorder takes over. This is where the "puppeting" comment came in. Because it is literally like someone else in controlling her. I know she can't help it. I know it's not her fault. I know that she is simply doing things without the ability to think them through beforehand and that she has great difficulty connecting actions to consequences. This does not make dealing with it any easier.

That's why I wish the cause of all of this was something I could physically get my hands on. Maybe that way, I wouldn't feel so helpless.

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. I imagine it would suck, but I'm sure that every other parent with a autistic child feels the same way at times. It still sucks, but you're not alone.

I'm glad to hear that she's doing pretty well in school though! Back in the old days they didn't have even that.

 

[Hotwire]

Could you be a bit more specific? You said 'Autism Spectrum Disorder' which... well, that's not really a specific diagnosis. Rather, there are multiple disorders within the autism spectrum. Ranging from very mild and manageable forms of Aspbergers (which I'm sorry, but they've yet to accurately portray within even a fraction of on TV or in movies - although Sheldon on Big Bang Theory comes the closest, despite the producers declaring multiple times he does not have such) to the truly worst of such, full blown autism.

I have some experience with autism, though not in it's most sever forms.

She's pretty high function. She tends to shy away from new people, even her own age. She still has problems with verbal communication. She has a very hard time understanding emotions. This is why she laughs at you if you get mad at her. She also has issues with her attention span as well as a high pain threshold and a poor comprehension for danger.

 

[Anita18]

She's pretty high function. She tends to shy away from new people, even her own age. She still has problems with verbal communication. She has a very hard time understanding emotions. This is why she laughs at you if you get mad at her. She also has issues with her attention span as well as a high pain threshold and a poor comprehension for danger.

That doesn't sound too bad, actually, although I'm sure it's still frustrating when she's that young and you have to watch her 24/7. My cousin has never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure he has Asperger's. He also has a hard time understanding emotions, but he's extremely intelligent and is taking care of himself thanks to his habit of following schedules. I suppose we're lucky that he doesn't go off and do anything TOO spontaneous. But when he was that young he was apt to get into trouble.

My bf is probably on the spectrum a little as well, since he shies away from people majorly (I joke I'm the only person he can be around for more than 4 hours at a time ), can't stand any sort of noise, and has trouble with his emotions. I understand that and I don't take it personally if he doesn't respond the way I think most people should. They are what they are.

The fact that you know that it's autism controlling your daughter and not your daughter being mean will help you in your journey. Good luck!

 

[Ultimatehero]

My bf is probably on the spectrum a little as well, since he shies away from people majorly (I joke I'm the only person he can be around for more than 4 hours at a time ), can't stand any sort of noise, and has trouble with his emotions. I understand that and I don't take it personally if he doesn't respond the way I think most people should. They are what they are.

Kinda sounds like me, lol. None of us are perfect. My end? As I said before, that description above - I still have the mind of an abandoned child. It's the reason I relate to superheroes a lot, we're all orphans. Plus, I'm a pisces which kinda brings it's own issues. I'm only 23, but it gets better with time.

 

[Crazy Quilt]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, sir. I understand what you're saying about wishing the disorder was a physically manifest person you could get your hands on.

I have Asperger's, it was recently diagnosed at the age of 23. All my life I've felt different, havent fitted in, I pissed people off without understanding why and people were convinced I was just a jerk probably because I was so intelligent(which is typical for Autism spectrum disorders, to have a high IQ). Looking back, it's hard not to feel resentful because of how I was treated and no one growing up ever thought to have me tested or anything; they just thought I was a bad kid, a weirdo, 'crazy' etc.

 

[Crazy Quilt]

And it's difficult to deal with because even today SO many people still have ******ed(for a lack of a better word), backward ideas about mental health disorders. If it's not something they physically see like being in a wheel chair, despite your medical diagnosis, many of these people are going to remain convinced it's all just psychiatric mumbo jumbo and you're fully aware of what you're doing at all times and you're just a jerk, emotionally unstable, a malcontent etc.

Once you've been labeled with a disability, rather than taking that as a cue to try to be more understanding and possibly empathetic toward you it just makes them resent you. People around you will perceive it as you getting 'special treatment' excusing you for your actions. Even after being diagnosed I have done things to piss my mom and step dad off and when I try to point out that I'm not always aware of things because of my Asperger's, my step dad has the gall to tell me "don't use that as an excuse". Being unaware of how my actions are being perceived by others and how those actions are irritating them is a HALLMARK of Asperger's. It's ridiculous that when I do that and point out that it's a symptom of my Asperger's, I'm criticized for using my Asperger's as "an excuse". If it doesn't excuse, at least to some extent, my behavior as it's DIRECTLY related to the symptoms of the disorder then what in the hell is the point of getting a diagnosis?

/rant

 

[Anita18]

Kinda sounds like me, lol. None of us are perfect. My end? As I said before, that description above - I still have the mind of an abandoned child. It's the reason I relate to superheroes a lot, we're all orphans. Plus, I'm a pisces which kinda brings it's own issues. I'm only 23, but it gets better with time.

Well perfection is totally unattainable, and when it comes to personality, completely subjective anyway. I think my bf is totally fine the way he is - he's accepting of my quirks the way I'm accepting of his. The important part is to be happy, and I'm not always sure if he is since he still feels a little uncomfortable with the fact he's anti-social. He makes fun of it a lot, like he considers himself a loser that he doesn't fit in at work. (And he works at a software company so it's already replete with awkward geeks.) It makes me a little at times.

As for boys being easier to raise than girls, my cousins used to fight each other up until they were teens. I'm talking, like, biting. My sister and I were brats like any other young kid and were a little competitive, but my sister eventually got into different things than I did so comparisons were thus impossible to make. We were quite mature when we got into our teens. My mom thought we were a hell of a lot easier to raise than two boys.

And it's difficult to deal with because even today SO many people still have ******ed(for a lack of a better word), backward ideas about mental health disorders. If it's not something they physically see like being in a wheel chair, despite your medical diagnosis, many of these people are going to remain convinced it's all just psychiatric mumbo jumbo and you're fully aware of what you're doing at all times and you're just a jerk, emotionally unstable, a malcontent etc.

Once you've been labeled with a disability, rather than taking that as a cue to try to be more understanding and possibly empathetic toward you it just makes them resent you. People around you will perceive it as you getting 'special treatment' excusing you for your actions. Even after being diagnosed I have done things to piss my mom and step dad off and when I try to point out that I'm not always aware of things because of my Asperger's, my step dad has the gall to tell me "don't use that as an excuse". Being unaware of how my actions are being perceived by others and how those actions are irritating them is a HALLMARK of Asperger's. It's ridiculous that when I do that and point out that it's a symptom of my Asperger's, I'm criticized for using my Asperger's as "an excuse". If it doesn't excuse, at least to some extent, my behavior as it's DIRECTLY related to the symptoms of the disorder then what in the hell is the point of getting a diagnosis?

/rant

That really sucks, Crazy Quilt. I think it also depends on how open-minded your community is in general. I've always lived in areas where being quirky was perfectly all right as long as you were smart. People in such areas are more aware of it and are more attuned to it. Like, we all know how smart my cousin is and how emotionally clueless he is, but he still deserves to have respect and the chance to make a life for himself.

I think that's because it's as you said - lots of extremely intelligent people are on the spectrum somewhere. I think communities like that are FAR more accepting of autism and Asperger's.

 

[Matt]

Dude, I understand that it is frustrating, but it shouldn't be about you. It should be about your daughter. She will spend her whole life struggling with this condition. A little inconvenience on your end is a far cry from what she will endure.

 

[Hotwire]

Dude, I understand that it is frustrating, but it shouldn't be about you. It should be about your daughter. She will spend her whole life struggling with this condition. A little inconvenience on your end is a far cry from what she will endure.

Not trying to make it about me. Just kind of needed to vent a bit, and see if there was anyone else out there who might have so experience.

 

[Matt]

I get that it can be really hard on a parent. Consider how it is for her though. She comes first.

That being said, there are support groups and what not. You should look for online support message boards for this exact type of thing, maybe?

 

[Matt]

I get that it can be really hard on a parent. Consider how it is for her though. She comes first.

That being said, there are support groups and what not. You should look for online support message boards for this exact type of thing, maybe?

 

[bullets]

She's pretty high function. She tends to shy away from new people, even her own age. She still has problems with verbal communication. She has a very hard time understanding emotions. This is why she laughs at you if you get mad at her. She also has issues with her attention span as well as a high pain threshold and a poor comprehension for danger.

That sounds awful. I'm glad you doing the right thing. The online support group and talking to other parents dealing with the same issues does sound like a good suggestion.

 

[Crazy Quilt]

That really sucks, Crazy Quilt. I think it also depends on how open-minded your community is in general. I've always lived in areas where being quirky was perfectly all right as long as you were smart.

Yeah this is a close-minded, uneducated area I live in in general. The Bible Belt FTL.

Being quirky is NOT all right here...and being smart just makes it two times worse. You might be one of them pointy headed intellectuals.

These people don't accept evolution. It's not too surprising that they're skeptical about mental health issues and think people with mental health problems are just "actin' up". Anyone else who grew up in the rural deep South could attest to how these people are. In addition to his obvious Aspergers(don't care what the producers of the show say), this is another reason I identify with Sheldon Cooper. He comes from the same area of the country I do and he is always making comments about how ignorant the people are where he comes from.

"Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon knows Football?
Leonard Hofstadter: Apparently.
Howard Wolowitz: I mean Quidditch sure, but Football?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, how do you know this stuff?
Sheldon Cooper: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro Football, college Football, High School Football, Pee-wee Football; In fact, every form of Football except the original: European Football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.
Leonard Hofstadter: Unbelievable.
Sheldon Cooper: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.
Leonard Hofstadter: So, you could teach me?
Sheldon Cooper: Football, or chicken fried meats?"


^That about sums up East Texas.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah this is a close-minded, uneducated area I live in in general. The Bible Belt FTL.

Being quirky is NOT all right here...and being smart just makes it two times worse. You might be one of them pointy headed intellectuals.

Yeah I had a feeling.

I know other people who are potentially on the spectrum and all of them are doing pretty well because again, they work in fields where being smart is all you really need. As long as you can do the job it doesn't really matter how weird you are, and the workplaces are pretty pervasive with weirdness to begin with.

I have a stutter that can be pretty bad at times, but in HS nobody made fun of me because they realized I was smart and that I might be of use if they were nice to me. Yes, the Silicon Valley mindset trickles down even to the high schoolers!

If it makes you feel any better (and it might be difficult if you're just surrounded by it), the fact is that people absolutely feel threatened by your intelligence.

 

[DBryan]

I have dyspraxia, which is in the same spectrum of disorders as aspergers.

I occasionally sense other people's frustration with me, and I'd like to explain, but when you do explain people do see it as you making excuses. So I can very much relate to Crazy Quilt.

I really don't think either of my parents understand my condition. I'd say I had been pretty badly uninformed about it for years, until eventually I learned more about it through google. Sadly.

I've had brief meetings with educational psychologists but to this day I'm screwed over. I'm in my third year of University and I have to chase up on every little thing I'm supposed to get, like a one on one tutor. I have to call up these different departments and there's so much beaurocracy, there's no one single department who wants to take responsibility, everyone is like, "you need to contact someone else, not us".

My needs are severely underestimated, I've been trying to get some new equipment and calling up the DSA is like talking to an automaton, "we can only go on your original needs assessment". The assessment is inadequate. The assessment involves a completely disinterested individual with a bunch of pre-prepared black and white questions, you're in and out within 2 minutes. If I had known then (maybe 2 or 3 years ago) what I know now, I would have been a lot more adamant.