Bash.org

[Drakon]

Hilarious. Basically, it's a site full of quotes from chatrooms and IMs. Be careful--not all of these are work-safe.




#4281 +(23016)- [X]

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances -<
* nmp3bot dances |-<
* nmp3bot dances /-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet



#5273 +(22272)- [X]

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

#4753 +(10990)- [X]

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

#8814 +(7888)- [X]

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

 

[CrAzYMoFo]

This is the best one ever.


<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

 

[Tsunulia]

This is the best one ever.


<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Agreed ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JLBats]

I love those.

 

[CrAzYMoFo]

Another one of my favorites.

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick *****ers)
<anamexis> :<

 

[MaskedManJRK]

This is the best one ever.


<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

up:

 

[dmcnx]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

BEST THING EVER.

 

[Drakon]

I got kicked out of the mall for saying that.

 

[MaskedManJRK]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

BEST THING EVER.

WRONG. Funny, but WRONG. up:

 

[JackBauer]

bash.org's f***in great. should be WAY more popular than it is...

<Hiryuu> Hey, which is more evil, kicking puppies or tearing those tags off of mattresses?
<Estelle> Puppies heal, matresses don't

<Ashley> No, believe me... my job SUCKS.
<Ashley> We have to clock out to go to the bathroom. What kind of s#!t is that?
<Robert> The kind you don't get paid for.

DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W dumbass

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ****en impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

<Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude

<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a f***ing soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards

<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the f***ing plants

<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough

<nerdBeer> so, I just dropped a book _into the toilet_
<ct> home or work?
<popsQ> heh, does it matter?
<nerdBeer> poop's poop, man.
<banquo> Ok,..WHY were you reading a book over a poop filled toilet? And what!? "Poop spotters guide"? "Pooping for dummies"? "The illustrated guide to What the Hell did I Eat"? "Flushing and putting the seat down (A husbands compendium)"?
<banquo> If you have to stand and read it it has to be porn while your,.........Oh I see

<peer> Bad timing is when you are running late and you get all the red lights
<+FyreDaug> Nah, bad timing is what happened yesterday
<+FyreDaug> One of my girl friends was over and she asked me to do something and I was doing something on my computer already so I said "just gimmie another sec"
<+FyreDaug> and shes like "aw cmon I've given you lots of secs already!"
<+FyreDaug> as my mom was walking upstairs where the computer room is. She just looked at me funny and walked away

<Ecob16> so this hobo asks me for spare change right
<Ecob16> and i ignore her cause im chatting with a mate
<Ecob16> so shes like "manners dont cost anything"
<Ecob16> so i turn to her and say "yeah, but if they did I could afford them"
<Ecob16> you shud have seen her expression...

* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?

<outcaste> Mr Gates donated $38 million to aids research?>
<brian2> yeah, outcaste, he wants windows to be the only deadly disease affecting millions

orangemunky: yes, but can you spell antidisestablishmentarianism???
Q-13: I can now, dumbass!
orangemunky: ........
orangemunky: ****

<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused

cougah66: dude, i am so uber f***ed
cougah66: I mean, the uberness, of the f***age....it boggles the mind

<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes, what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;

<jeffrey> guys why does amazon.com suck so much
<jeffrey> it says my estimated ship date is jan 3
<jeffrey> yet on the product pages they both say usually ship within 24 hours
<cromicus> i hope you're ordering a copy of the dictionary that contains a definition for the word "usually"

<max> do i need to download the 2nd disc of any movie or just the first?
<Daki> You can download only the first, but the ending is kind of a cliffhanger

<ensis> Well folks, I'm off to the farm
<ensis> I can actually say that too, how funny
<Bomp> They're lying
<Bomp> You're going to be put down

<hickhut> i have to write a speech on myself tomorrow
<hickhut> so gay
<mrquin27> there is a start

 

[Elijya]

yeah, I love bash. This one's one of my favorites:

#420855 +(4640)- [X]

gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted

 

[LEX]

All of these quotes are cracking me up, especially the Harry Potter and his wang and Three stupidiest people ones. Just bookmarked Bash.org.

 

[The Mad Bomber]

I love Bash. It's a daily site for me.

I would recommend that you all go on there and search the words 'blood ninja'. He's got about four of his conversations posted on there and they are hilarious albeit offensive to some.

 

[Iceman]

This is the best one ever.

Funny

 

[Elijya]

I love Bash. It's a daily site for me.

I would recommend that you all go on there and search the words 'blood ninja'. He's got about four of his conversations posted on there and they are hilarious albeit offensive to some.

hehehehe, thanks for that

 

[Kaleb]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

BEST THING EVER.

I **** Im going to hell for laughing at that .

 

[Immortalfire]

I love the legend of Bloodninja..."I put on my robe and wizard hat"

 

[LEX]

I love Bash. It's a daily site for me.

I would recommend that you all go on there and search the words 'blood ninja'. He's got about four of his conversations posted on there and they are hilarious albeit offensive to some.

ROFLMAO

OMG!!!!1212

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...

Too funny.

 

[Kaleb]

agreed

 

[LEX]

I love the legend of Bloodninja..."I put on my robe and wizard hat"

That was even funnier when BritneySpears14 left bloodninja, started another cyber-sex with another member and that member said the exact same words; I put on my robe and wizard hat.

This is the first time I laughed so hard in a while.

Bless you, Drakon!!

 

[Kaleb]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They *****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

 

[Immortalfire]

That was even funnier when BritneySpears14 left bloodninja, started another cyber-sex with another member and that member said the exact same words; I put on my robe and wizard hat.

This is the first time I laughed so hard in a while.

Bless you, Drakon!!

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*** of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*** with me b****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

 

[LEX]

The bloodninja/sweet17 cyber is gold

bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp&#8230; you say &#8220;HARRRR!!!&#8221;
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can&#8217;t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It&#8217;s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is ******ed
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you&#8217;ll do it for me?

sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh &#8230;going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR

bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: &#8230;still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

[Immortalfire]

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f***, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*** up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

 

[Kaleb]

now thats comedy right there