Broken Pieces

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction & Films' started by Hunter Rider, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. Hunter Rider

    Hunter Rider Ronin

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    Life is a jigsaw puzzle, we attempt to fit the pieces together to create happiness, not everyones complete puzzle looks the same, sometimes ppl are born with pieces of the puzzle missing, for others the puzzle is damaged along the way, leaving them with Broken pieces.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter 1



    A beach front pad in Malibu would seem like a pretty nice place to live, but for detective Matt Drake it was merely a place to sleep. He stood in the shower staring at the floor, the water ran down over his dog tags dancing with the scars on his back.

    Matt had been a Marine from being 18, at 24 he was pulled aside and asked to do special work for the government due to his showings of bravery and skill in the field. No one knows for sure what he actually did or where he had been. 5 years later and he was a member of the L.A.P.D and had been for over a year.

    His partner NDX picked him up in his Ford Taurus and they headed off for another day in the City of Angels, NDX was a man in his 50's, a lifelong member of the L.A.P.D who had never aimed to get higher than his current detective rank, he was a salty veteran of the street and knew how to play the game, this mornig they had a homicide to go to in down town LA, nice way to start the day.

    When they arrived at the back alley where the body was, the CSI team were already at work, Tzarinna was taking samples from under the nails and her photographer FA was snapping away furiously.

    NDX: " So what we got ? "

    Tza: " Nasty one, girl, name of Ellie Watson aged 18, beaten to death, her face is a complete mess "

    Matt: " Let me see "

    Tza moved out the way and Matt knelt down next to the body, a slim, almost waif like girl lay on the ground, her blonde hair stained with blood, her face barely distinguishable with all the blood and swelling.

    Matt looked for a moment with an emotionless stare and then got up.

    Matt: " So she's a hooker, anything else you have determined ? "

    Tza: " Erm, not yet, we'll need to clean up her up and do more tests, doesn't seem she put up a fight "

    Matt: " She didn't have a chance to, looking at the ferocity of the attack, i'd say she was dead long before most of the damage was done, and she was most likely out from the first blow "

    NDX: " Girl that size wouldn't take much knocking out and it could be a man or a woman that did it "

    Matt: " It was a man "

    NDX: " How can you tell ? "

    Matt: " She has no panties on, they are over there next to the trash bag, the beating started mid sex act "

    Tza: " Jesus, what kinda freak does that ? "

    Matt: " Who knows, the thing about monsters is they don't come in the forms that fantasy tales use to identify their evil "

    The radio in NDX's car sounded

    NDX: " I'll get it "

    Tza: " So, how you doing Matt ? "

    Matt: " I'm fine thanks, you ? "

    Tza: " Well this job doesn't get any nicer heh, but i'm ok, i was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over for dinner, A few of us get together on a Wednesday, have a meal and play some cards "

    Matt: " No thanks, But i appreciate the offer "

    Matt noticed a blond girl with porcelain white skin in a summer dress and flip flops watching them, he made his way over towards her, passing NDX on the way.

    NDX: " Matt we gotta go buddy "

    Matt: " Hold that thought "

    Matt headed out the alley and across the road towards the girl, who tried to look away.

    Matt: " Hey, whats your name ? "

    The girl looked like she wanted to walk away but something stopped her. She told him her name was Sapphire

    Matt: " What's your real name ? "

    Sapphire: " These days, Sapphire is my real name "

    The cynical air to her put Matt at ease, he studied her closely.

    Matt: " So how well did you know the girl in the alley ? "

    Sapphire:
    " What makes you think i knew her ? "

    Matt: " You've been standing there watching us in the alley, now unless you just have a weird idea of entertainment I'd say you knew her, was she a a co-worker ? "

    Sapphire: " F**k you!....Yeah...why you looking to make an arrest or a deal ? "

    she looked at him with disdain in her eyes that faded as he cracked a slight smile.

    Matt: " Neither, i just was hoping you could fill me in on her "

    Sapphire stared for a moment.

    Sapphire: " Ok....sure "

    NDX:
    " Yo! Matt, (he called from the car) We gotta go, we got another one up the other end of town "

    Matt : " Meet me here tomorrow at this time and we'll go for a coffee and a talk "

    Sapphire nodded and Matt headed to the car.

    Matt and NDX headed to the Hilton in Beverly Hills, when they arrived a rather nervous looking man ushered them in and took them upstairs to one of the fancy suites. When they got there a curvy latina girl in her early 20's lay on the bed with her neck at an odd angle, she was staring blankly into space.

    They looked over the body for a few minutes, it was easy to tell she was a hooer or "escort" as girls at this end of the food chain liked to be called......Tza arrived.

    Tza: " Damn, i hope this isn't gonna become a regular thing, at least this room is warm. "

    NDX: " So, you think we got a serial killer ?...I mean two dead hookers in one day "

    Matt: " No, they were killed by different men, the first is an act of rage, a spur of the moment thing, the state of her face indicates this, the girl on the bed was dead long before she came into this room, she just didn't know it.....The man that killed Ellie was a regular guy lashing out at the world, the guy that killed this girl wanted to do it, her neck was snapped clean, no mess "

    NDX: " Jesus Christ "

    Matt: " Don't waste your time dusting for prints Tza, this guy is a professional "

    Matt walked out of the room as NDX looked worriedly at the body on the bed.



    To Be Continued.
     
  2. Cmill216

    Cmill216 Senior Case Officer

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    Jeepers almighty, it's like Sin City up in this piece. :eek:

    A solid opening chapter, hunt. Matt appears to be another great, brooding, 'Hunter Rider Fic' lead character. :D And it'll be interesting to see if you have anything planned for him and Sapphire.

    I was digging the intro to this story. Really looking forward to seeing how that theme develops through the fic.
     
  3. Sebastos

    Sebastos le professionnel

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    Great start hunter, I know i'm going to enjoy this just like I enjoyed your last story. :D:up:
     
  4. The FallenAngel

    The FallenAngel Semper Fi

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    Oh yeah. Great start Hunter. Liking the darker tone of this one. :up:
     
  5. Matrixo

    Matrixo Registered

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    I love it and all but I feel like I know whats gonna happen next but surprise me lol other than that, great writing. :yay:
     
  6. NDX

    NDX Walking with Elias.

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    Good start.
     
  7. POWdER-man

    POWdER-man Ancient but wise

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    Nice job HR....:up:....a good start but shorter than I would like since I was starting to get into it.....
     
  8. Showtime

    Showtime Your Friend In Time

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    Wow Hunter.

    M-A-Double layin it down.
     
  9. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Matt and TZA better not make a mistake or they're gonna have to answer to the Head of the LAPD: Aster Oidman!
     
  10. Spider-Man Luvr28

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    Awesome start. Loved it.
     
  11. Badger

    Badger Side-Kick my Ass!

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    Great Opening Chapter, Hunter, love the intro!!
     
  12. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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    Yo Hunt, when can we expect the nest scene?
     
  13. Matt

    Matt IKYN Guy Groupie

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    I'm bad ass. I love it :up:
     
  14. SapphirePrima

    SapphirePrima Registered

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    I liked this. :up:
     
  15. Retroman

    Retroman Registered

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    Very nice start! :up:
     
  16. DBella

    DBella Seducente/Mortale

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    A very good start, Rob. As always. I especially LOVE the intro and look forward to see how you explore that theme. It should be very interesting. And Matt looks like another great protagonist in the making. :up:

    Between your fanfic and cmill's... I don't need to be watching any TV. Who cares about the writer's strike when we've got you two.
     
  17. Fran

    Fran Banned User

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    Great job, Robert. :up:
     
  18. Hunter Rider

    Hunter Rider Ronin

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    Chapter 2

    NDX and Matt did some digging and found out that The girl killed at the hotel was called "Misty Devine" she had a career as a porn starlet before moving into the escort business. They discovered she had a boyfriend called Chris Mills, better known in the business as Cmill, they had came through porn together, he was her "agent" as an escort. Matt and NDX set off to the Hollywood hills to see him.

    Matt: " So i figure this guy isn't the guy, why are we wasting time talking to him ? "

    Matt sat in the car looking bored as NDX negotiated early afternoon traffic.

    NDX: " Because that's our job, he's the next of kin and the person who most likely saw her last "

    Matt: " But we know that whoever killed her was a pro, this guy isn't and i doubt he'd know where to hire someone of that calibre "

    NDX: " Well we are here now, lets just probe him a bit and see what he has, could be a beef with a rival escort agency or a grudge going back to their porn days "

    Matt: " You think Vivid are putting hits out now ? "

    NDX rolled his eyes and laughed, they pulled into the large driveway of Cmill's mansion and headed to the front of the house, they knocked a few times but got no answer. Matt went around the back and climbed up a tree nearby to get a better look. Next to the pool at the back of the house, in a lounge chair lay a large muscled black man with tattoos on his shoulders, there was racked hottie head deep in his crotch.

    Matt: " YO! I see your grief has hit you hard "

    The girl jumped up and the man fixed his shorts.

    Cmill: " Who the **** are you ? Better get your ass of my property before i call the cops mother****er "

    Matt: " No need sir, we're already here "

    Matt flipped his badge open and smiled a forced smile.

    Two minutes later the door was opened and Matt and NDX were sitting in the luxurious front room of Cmill's mansion, gold chandeliers, a large plasma screen TV mounted on the wall and a fountain in the corner of the room, along with a state of the art sound system were the decor.

    Cmill: " So gentleman, what can i do for you ? "

    NDX: " You do realise Misty is dead right ? "

    Cmill: " of course, i was informed by one of your ppl earlier, it's an absolute tragedy, the violent world we live in "

    Matt: " You seem to be coping well "

    NDX looked at Matt sharply given the barely hidden sarcasm.

    Cmill: " Look, I know what you think, but me and Misty haven't been on like that for a long while now, we are business associates, that's all, and i was heading down later to collect her effects "

    Matt: " So you knew part of the business was illegal right ? "

    Cmill: " I have no idea what you mean "

    NDX: " Sir, part of Misty's service included sexual acts "

    Cmill tried to fain surprise but Matt's piercing cold stare was making it impossible.

    Cmill: " Hey, this is America man, I mean we supply a date for high class clientele, where it leads is not my concern, i mean they are consenting adults "

    Matt: " So how many other girls do you ****e out ? "

    Cmill tightened his fists and then smiled.

    Cmill: " i really think you guys should be looking at finding Misty's killer instead of harassing an innocent businessman "

    Matt and NDX stood up to leave, as they reached the front door Matt turned to Cmill.

    Matt: " Y'know, whoever killed Misty knew what they were doing, i suggest you take a long look at your legit business and watch ya back "

    The moment Matt and NDX left, Cmill was on the phone.

    NDX dropped Matt at his beach house and made his way home, Matt was still harbouring concerns over the killer of Misty, the killer of Ellie he had a picture in his head of, the killer of Misty painted an altogether more frightening picture...............


    In a dark sparsely lit room, Matt hung from the ceiling banister by chains, his bare feet barely touching the floor, his shoulder length blood soaked hair was sticking to his face, in front of him was a man in his late 40's, well built with a face that showed he had seen his fair share of action, The man yelled at him in an Eastern European dialect, firing off a bunch of questions, Matt stared bla
    nkly at him through the blood running into his eyes, the Man lifted Matt's head up and pushed the hair out of his eyes.

    Man: " Mister Drake, you prefer i speak English ? maybe then you answer no ? So much pain, and for what ? no one is coming for you, you are..how they say....expendable....yes ? "

    Matt made an effort to spit at the man but couldn't muster the energy, the man nodded to another man that was standing in the shadows behind Matt. He moved out and in his hand was a long wiry whip with knots of barbed wire placed at certain points, the man was medium built and average looking, could be an every day guy, not exactly the picture painted of torturers in the movies, he reared back and lashed at Matt's back, Matt let out an horrific yell

    Man: " Again! "...................................




    Matt sat up in bed......he'd been dreaming, lost in the world of his past, like most times he closed his eyes. he looked at the clock, it was 5am, he went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He went and sat down in a chair in the corner of the room, he was to meet Sapphire in 4 hours, maybe that would be some relief, but for now he sat in the dark, staring into nothingness, his mind in another time and place....


    To Be Contiuned.
     
  19. Showtime

    Showtime Your Friend In Time

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    Very good. I like the Matt-NDX dyanmic and the addition of CMill is great. Good job on the flashback too.
     
  20. Immortalfire

    Immortalfire The Pain of Fast Air

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    Scintillating! :eek:
     
  21. Cmill216

    Cmill216 Senior Case Officer

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    Have you been going through my personal records?! :eek:

    ......:p

    :D :up:


    Hot damn. The description here is fantastic, hunt. You put me right there in the moment, genuinely creeping me out. Nice.

    So we're still waiting for Matt to meet Sapphire and find out what's the deal on that end, but we did get some interesting new introspection on Matt's character. Dude's been through a hella lot. And I liked the chemistry between NDX and Matt.

    Bring on Chapter 3, homie.
     
  22. The FallenAngel

    The FallenAngel Semper Fi

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    Great chapter, Hunter. :up:

    Matt's past is disturbing. :eek:
     
  23. Asteroid-Man

    Asteroid-Man Ham Sammiches

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  24. Spider-Man Luvr28

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  25. Hunter Rider

    Hunter Rider Ronin

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    Thanks for the feedback guys. :)

    Well i got the idea from something Byrd Man said in your thread. :woot:



    Thanks Man. :up:

    Chapter 3 will be tomorrow as it's a long one that will carry through the weekend, i intend to write the rest over the weekend so i can put chapters out fast if the feedback is good. The chapter focuses almost solely on Matt and Sapphire's meeting.
     

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