burton's next film The spooks apprentice

superkong 500

Dec 14, 2005
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Script Review: Tim Burton's The Spook's Apprentice! ("Script Review: Tim Burton's The Spook's Apprentice!"); );We got a doosy of a script review, Snake sinks his fangs into Tim Burton's The Spook's Apprentice!

For Burton fans this has to be one of the most anticipated films, The Spook's Apprentice. But before Tim gets behind the camera the screenplay has to be perfect, so is it? IESB faithful reader “Snake” is back with this reader script review.
Snake Here . . .
Like most people who’re reading this, I’d have to admit that I really dig the flicks of Mr. Tim Burton.

Whenever I get wind of a new project he’s doing, or whenever I see a trailer for something he’s cooking up, based on those three syllables alone (TIM_BUR-TON!!!), chances are good the local Mega-plex is gonna’ get some of my Mothers hard earned cash!
Hey! Don’t judge me! Times are tough! I takes what I can gets!
But lets face facts folks. In all honesty, his last few projects have left me with a few bad cases of the “Meh’s”.

And I don’t want to watch a Tim Burton movie and even think that ****! It’s not that I don’t like most of his recent movies. For the most part, I don’t feel ripped off (expect for “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”; they owe my Mother nine dollars after that one and I’m prepared to take it out of one of those creepy little Oompa Loompa’s ass!)

It’s just that I didn’t “throw up a fist” while I was watching one of said flicks! And that’s what I wanna’ do when I see one of his flicks! I wanna’ throw up a fist because I think the **** I’m watching on screen is so damn good, that I’m willing to make a complete ass of myself in front of five hundred people! Believe me, throwing up a fist during a movie really tends to alienate you.
Thing is, I’d feel pretty goddamn stupid if I did that during “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” or even “Sweeney Todd”.

Truth be told (again) I got the sneaky feeling that most of the audience (along with yours truly) wasn’t really feeling those two. And since we’re on it, probably “Big Fish” also. And while we’re at it, “Planet of the Apes” too.

With respect of “Sweeney”, sure I thought the stuff where they were slitting peoples throats during a musical number was hilarious! Nearly inspired. But I was the only ass in the theater laughing! And that, I felt that was really the highlight of the whole flick.

I want Mr. Burton to make a flick that’ll really kick are collective asses again. I mean really show us that we don’t know ****. Show us that we’re really just a bunch whiny audience *****es seated in “his theater”. I want to feel like I’ve been owned when that “Directed by” card is thrown up at the end.

It’s the cinematic equivalent of someone knocking us out, and then screaming in our swollen face, “Whose house is this!”
And we reply, “This is your house Mr. Tim Burton”.

That’s the kind of Tim Burton movie I want to see again! It’s the feeling you got at the end of the first “Batman” and at the end of “Beetlejuice”. The feeling you got at the end of “Edward Scissorhands”.
Okay . . . well maybe not “Ed Wood”. But it was still really freakin’ good!
And since I’m in such a truthful mood, the last movie of his I got that feeling from was “Sleepy Hollow”. So, it’s been along time Mr. Burton. Time to kick this kids ass again!
Truth be told. I could use a good ass kicking. Builds character.

when I saw Mr. Tim Burtons name on the cover of this script I got handed to me called “Spooks Apprentice”, I felt like throwing up the proverbial fist. Except I was in my Mothers living room, and I had just borrowed ten bucks from her to go see Rambo. And once again, circumstances dictated that I need not look like an ass in this particular instance. Lest I loose my movie privileges.

So, “Spooks Apprentice”. What’s the deal?
I think it was based on a book. But than again, maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know. And that’s beside the point anyway. So who cares.
When I first saw the name I thought, “Man! Not a children’s flick!” Because let’s face it, the name makes it sound like it’s geared towards the romper room demographic.

And it may very well be by the time it hits theaters.
But as it is right now, I think this is the Mr. Tim Burton movie I’ve been waiting for!You ever read Rick Veitch’s “Bratpack”? Well it’s like that. Kinda’. Well not really. But what it does have in common with that comic is it’s essentially a super-hero story, told from the perspective of the sidekick.

Imagine if Robin was Dr. Strange’s sidekick instead of Batman’s. And than set the movie in the same type of world “Sleepy Hollow” was set in, and you got a pretty good idea of what I’m jones’n for! A supernatural super hero period movie, as told through the point of view of the sidekick! Ladies and Gentlemen where do I get in line! Because once I picked the thing up I couldn’t put it down.

So here’s the rundown of what got me all hot and bothered.
Basically, there is this supernatural Badass called “The Spook”. He’s the one chosen to fight the forces of evil on behalf of us *****-ass little mortals, seeing as how we are pretty much powerless against anything supernatural that wants to kick our ass.

As you might imagine his job is hard. And as you might also imagine, it makes the person doing it quite the “negative Nancy”. That’s “The Spook”. An ass kicking, “negative Nancy”. Kinda’ like Judge Dredd (the comic, not the crap movie!). So unlikable, he’s likable.

Problem is, this “Spook” character goes through Apprentice’s the way a fat ass goes through a pair drawstring sweat pants. And that’s where are story begins. We find The Spook trying to imprison a really nasty witch named MOTHER MALKIN. Mother Malkin has a really crappy habit of eating newborns it seems, and is a general nuisance to all life on earth. Seems The Spook has been trying to nail this ***** for years, and now he’s got her right where he wants her, and is trying to bury her alive in the cemetery where he buries all the witches he captures.

So, even though he manages to get her in the ground, after a hard fought victory no less, he looses his apprentice Billy to the devious machinations of Mother Malkin. Poor Billy.
Skip ahead.
Meet TOM.

Pretty much a bumbling youth with little confidence to spare. Due to the age old, “eldest son gets the farm” shtick (I hated it when my Pop pulled that), it seems that with his older brother Jack and his sister in law Ellie, having a rug rat on the way, he’s going to get ass’d out of any claim to his fathers farm.

But it’s not like the kid ain’t trying. Since the younger son can’t get the farm, it’s customary he learn a trade. Unfortunately, he’s got little physical skill. This kids all brains. He knows Greek and Latin though, taught to him by his MAM, who is quite the mysterious lady herself. Apparently, she has some supernatural abilities herself. Abilities she’s passed onto her son.

So when The Spook shows up to Toms families farm, he’s comes to find him a new apprentice due to Toms of a distinctive pedigree. A coward and weakling, oddly enough the kid fits the bill. Apparently, you must be the 7th son of a 7th son in order to be bequeathed with the “honor” of spooks apprentice. Tom doesn’t like it much.

But he’s down to prove he’s not a ***** to his DAD. And so he sets about his training, which will more than likely kill him (like all the rest) in the process.

Meanwhile, this Malkin chick is making moves while imprisoned in her grave. Contacting her “children” , a plan is hatched to spring the old crown, exact revenge on The Spook and unleash a new plague upon the land that will make the last one she unleashed look like a ****ing episode of “7th Heaven”.

With the help of her daughter BONNIE LIZZIE and her mindless behemoth son TUSK, they go about executing their plot while The Spook trains his new apprentice.

Meanwhile, Tom is barely holding his own during training. But despite the trails and travails, he meets a young witch named ALICE who he takes a liking to. This of course goes strictly against The Spooks lessons. As smoking hot as this chick maybe, he is absolutely never to trust a witch. After all, they’re bad by design. Of course, because he’s a dumb ass novice, he’ll have to learn all this the hard way.

So that’s the skinny.Of course the whole thing reeks of Burton. Which is what’s great about it. But than again what movie has he done that doesn’t. Oh yeah, “Planet of the Apes” (Hey, the ending was kind of a trip, I’ll give it that!)

And since it comes from a book, they’ve really fleshed out “the universe” and it’s rules and what not.

And, it’s got some pretty exciting action set pieces and SFX stuff that could be, if done right, unlike anything we’ve seen before from Burton. Just based on what I’ve told you alone, the flicks potentially rife with weird Burton gags, strange and humorous fights, and some pretty sick ass monsters.

This is exactly what I’ve desperately wanted out of Burton for a while! No stupid looking Oompa Loompa's, no big fishes, no god damn musical numbers!

Stick Keaton in the role of the Spook (the only guy I could see playing it, dead on the money, and balls to bone right) and you got a Burton flick worth busting a nut over again!

Yes. I said it. This should be a Keaton/Burton reunion flick’. Because the character of The Spook is in allot of ways an amalgam of Beetlejuice and Batman. As strange as that sounds.

If by the off chance that anybody out there is Hollywood land is listening, or better yet has already thought it up; please, please, please, please . . . . Get Keaton to be the Spook!

Just think of the marketing campaign. KEATON! BURTON! SPOOKS APRENTICE! Insert some date in June and you’ve managed to uproot the entire geek community from the collective computer chair that has been welded firmly to their collective ass due to prolonged exposure to high-speed Internet porn!

If not the entire geek community, than you got me! I solemnly pledge to step away from the keyboard, stop looking at the nasty pictures on Google, and earn enough dough for a ticket! That way I don’t need to bum the money from my Mom again!
Seriously. To see those two work together again! On such a cool script ta’ boot!
A Snake can dream . . .
Once again, “Call me Snake” . . ..
Screenplay: The Spooks Apprentice written by Matt Greenberg

The best I can do for now I posted the article the same way I found it btw. I saw this in another site though some people might be interested
I don't think I can bring myself to read that mess.

Can someone translate lol.
If either Johnny Depp, or Danny Eflman are involved in this then I'll have to pass.
Superkong, please organize your post if you want to get replies.

@FigmanJ - lol

@odiin - :whatever:
Superkong needs to edit his post and put some spaces in there. For some smaller paragraphs out of that. I'd copy and paste then fix it but that would take up even more room.
A teenage boy training to be an exorcist in the 1700's, must learn how to exorcise ghosts, contain witches, and bind boggarts.


Sounds like a cool movie. :up:

If either Johnny Depp, or Danny Eflman are involved in this then I'll have to pass.

Then you will be disappointed. Elfman has composed every Burton movie except Ed Wood and Sweeney Todd. As for Depp...we'll see.
Superkong, please organize your post if you want to get replies.

@FigmanJ - lol

@odiin - :whatever:

Oh come on, you seriously can not blame me for growing tired of that team up.
Oh come on, you seriously can not blame me for growing tired of that team up.

Yeah. I kinda agree with you. Depp is a bit of a safe choice for Burton. We know he can do anything. But alot of other people can do alot of things too...:cwink: He needs to work outside of his comfort zone a bit.
Oh come on, you seriously can not blame me for growing tired of that team up.
Go ahead and grow tired while they continue to make great movies; Especially with all the **** in Hollywood right now.:whatever:

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