Critics' Corner: Post your opinions here

[Thundarr]

Hey everyone. I've enjoyed reading the fan fiction posted on here, as well as writing my own fan fictions. I've requested that people write to me an critique my work, but thus far no one has. So I thought creating a thread specifically for people to critique the fan fiction and fan films the see on this board would be the way to go.

Positive and negative criticisms are allowed (this thread's not about stroking others egos). The only rule is you must be respectful. If you don't like my story Thundarr The Barbarian & The Lost Children, feel free to say so and express your reasons for disliking it. Just please don't say, "Your story f**king sucks. Who the f**k taught you to write, you loser?" Such disrespect will not be tolerated and I will be forced to report you to the moderaters. If you like the X-Men fan fiction Taken which I've been reading (and thus far I've been enjoying it, good job sir), then post your opinions here. If you dislike it, say so and post your reasons here (something more constructive than simply writing "It sucks").

If people are doing a good job, they like to hear praise. If they're not doing a good job, they need to know how to improve their writing. Again, please be honest, but be respectful. And I look forward to reading your posts.

 

[Thundarr]

Well, I am finally finished writing my first Thundarr fan fiction. For those of you who don't know it's called Thundarr The Barbarian & The Lost Children. Give it a read and post your comments here. Or you can post them on my Thundarr thread on the Misc. TV Shows board.

 

[Thundarr]

Here are some comments on my story Thundarr The Barbarian & The Lost Children that I have received on www.fanfiction.net

Model Builder
2009-11-04 . chapter 13This story was as impressive as it was enjoyable. It has been a while since I last saw an episode of 'Thundarr The Barbarian.' But from what I can remember, you managed to keep everyone (especially Thundarr,) in character.

I am more familiar with the 'Dungeons and Dragons' cartoon series, and can say with more confidence that you nailed 'D&D' perfectly right down to the obligatory 'Star Wars' references.

I thought that the blending of both storyverses was so seamless that I can actually see this working as an episode of either cartoon series. (A two-parter. The first half could be an episode of 'D' the second half an episode of 'TTB.')

The only time I raised my eyebrows was in Chapter 13 when Venger tells Ariel that she will need ". . . more than parlor tricks to 'beat' me, witch!" Venger's speach is generally more formal. "Defeat" may have been a better choice of words . . . .

I'm looking forward to reading your other stories set in the 'Thundarrverse.' But I think I'm going to see if YouTube has any episodes of 'Thundarr' available first, to refresh my memory.

Thanks again for an entertaining story. Keep writing!

D.B. Cooper
2009-12-28 . chapter 1Okay, this looks like a pretty good start to a story. I always liked Thundarr The Barbarian. I like Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon more, but I liked Thundarr too. This should be interesting.

D.B. Cooper
2009-12-28 . chapter 13This was a pretty good story overall. Well written and right on character with both cartoons. I especially enjoyed how Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla interacted with the Young Ones. Especially Bobby and Thundarr. I could see those two getting along with each other. Barbarian to barbarian.

wingman011111
2010-02-08 . chapter 13loved it! brought back loads of memorys 4 me.

Heart of the Demons
2010-07-20 . chapter 13I truly like this story. Makes me wish it were an hour-long crossover special back in 1984, with artwork and animation done by Japan's Toei Co., Ltd.

CMR Rosa
2010-12-25 . chapter 5This is a great Dungeons and Dragons and Thundarr the Barbarian Crossover.

Not to toot my own horn, but . . . "TOOT! TOOT!"

 

[Thundarr]

Here are the reviews I have received so far for my story Thundarr The Barbarian in The Curse Of The Vampire, also from www.fanfiction.net.

Model Builder
2010-03-27 . chapter 2Well, this is getting off to a good start. And you are to be commended for staying with established vampire lore (i.e., sleeping in a coffin, burning in sunlight, turning into a bat, wolf, or mist, etc.) I just can't get into vampires who "sparkle like diamonds," in sunlight.

I was immediately able to visualize your Dracula as looking and sounding like a cross (please pardon the expression,) between Christopher Lee and Bela Lugosi.

And while we are on the subject of crosses, I like how you had Yando describe the crucifix's function to the Groundlings (but does Yando know the true meaning of the icon, being a historian, and all, or is his knowledge of pre-disaster history really that spotty? He did not recognize the vestments of a priest, after all . . . .)

The main complaint that I have with your story is with the format of your first chapter. Your paragraphs are too long, and there was too much telling as opposed to showing. This was NOT a problem with Chapter 2, which had very good flow.

You may want to consider revising your Chapter 1; possibly by splitting it into two chapters. Oh, and maybe begin with a scene featuring Thundarr, Ariel and Ookla. They are the stars of the story . . . .

Can't wait to read more . . . .

Model Builder
2010-04-04 . chapter 4I really like where this is going. Granted, TTBITCOTV is a 'formulaic' story, but in this case, I mean the word in a good way, because you are following established formula and traditions. (I know that we will be safe from reading about "sparkly" vampires here . . . .)

Because vampire stories follow the same basic formula, the writer is free to concentrate on the action, characters and background details. And in this respect, so far, so good, not only with Thundarr, Ariel and Ookla; the descendants of Abraham Van Helsing and his "biographer" Bram Stoker were also believable.

The pack of children vampires was a classic touch, well handled. And kudos are to be given for having Dracula state the name of "Countess Bathory Erszebet" in the last-name-first order dictated by Magyar traditions.

I am looking forward to more.

Model Builder
2010-04-17 . chapter 6Chapter 5 and 6 were both fun and full of action, action, and more action. (Not to mention some VERY adult situations and imagery.) This is sort of how I imagine what "Thundarr The Barbarian" would look like if it appeared in "Heavy Metal" magazine, (illustrated by Richard Corbin, of course,) as opposed to being a kid's cartoon on Saturday morning.

As with your first chapter, your paragraphs are too long. Shorter ones would be better, especially when showing intense action, (such as a fight scene,) to allow your readers time to catch their breath.

Looking forward to reading more!

Model Builder
2010-06-17 . chapter 7I'm glad to see that you have added another chapter to "Thundarr the Barbarian in the Curse of the Vampire."

This chapter has plenty of character development and interaction, basically serving as a "bridge" between the big fight scenes in the previous chapters, and (I'm guessing,) an even bigger Final Battle in a chapter yet to come.

And I have to wonder about the post-Apocalypse world setting and milieu. Of all things remembered, I never would have guessed that "Daisy Dukes," "Filipino Sticks," and the "Spine-buster Slam," would be among them!

Looking forward to an exciting conclusion!

Model Builder
2010-08-15 . chapter 8The part about Thundarr coughing-up vampire dust (after slaying one with his Sunsword,)was a nice touch. I also liked the scene where Dracula wonders if a mok could be turned into a vampire like a human. Very good.

I can't wait to see the Final Battle between Dracula and Thundarr!

Model Builder
2010-08-18 . chapter 9A rousing ending to a good story crossover! This story was fun and entertaining. I am looking forward to more of your TTB crossovers in the near future.

CaliBrat
2010-10-26 . chapter 9WOW! Great story! I used to love this cartoon when I was a kid and it's awesome to see fanfic for it! Do you have a sequel in mind, because if you do I'd love to see it!

CMR Rosa
2011-01-05 . chapter 9You did a very good job.

Blaze
2011-04-22 . chapter 9 Such good workmanship! You should definitely pair up Thundarr and Ariel.

 

[Thundarr]

Here are the reviews I've received for my Thundarr/Predator crossover story, Thundarr The Barbarian in Hunted.

Model Builder
2010-11-08 . chapter 5I had planned to read the first chapter tonight, but before I knew it, I had finished all that you had posted thus far (Chapter 5.)

This is a good, entertaining story with lots of action, a touch of comic relief ("Carrrr-tooooons?") And the Disneyland references were great fun.

Can't wait to see how it all turns out . . . !

Model Builder
2010-11-10 . chapter 6This story would have made an awesome episode of the original "Thundarr the Barbarian" cartoon series. It is amazing how well the world of "Predator" can fit into this classic cartoon and remain in canon.

Of course, the network censors would never have allowed this level of action (read, violence and killing,) in the original Saturday Morning series. But that is what fan fiction is for. And as long as there are authors like Thundarr the Barbarian (the fanfic writer, that is,) I think we can expect more excellent crossovers like this in the future.

CMR Rosa
2011-01-05 . chapter 6I love this crossover.

Blaze
2011-04-22 . chapter 6 Awesome story!

 

[Thundarr]

Here are the reviews I have recieved so far on www.fanfiction.net for my Thundarr/Conan crossover story, Thundarr The Barbarian in The Wrath Of Crom.

CMR Rosa
2011-01-05 . chapter 6I hope you update soon this is a great story.

Bahamut-255
2011-02-08 . chapter 6From what you have posted, I have to say that this is a very interesting story and concept. Not to mention one of the few times that I've encountered a cross-over that actually works.

I hope you update soon. ^_^

Model Builder
2011-04-09 . chapter 3Wow! So far, you have managed to seamlessly mesh the fandoms of "Thundarr The Barbarian" and "Conan The Adventurer" with the precision of two well-machined gears.

I like the way you handled the Crom / Crom misunderstanding. Though resolved quickly, the way you had Ariel and Grey Wolf realize that Thundarr and Conan were talking of two different things was very well done without seeming contrived. Not an easy thing to do by any means.

I also like your decision to use parallel universes (as opposed to time travel) to bring the two groups of adventurers together. Since "our" world obviously did not suffer the rouge-planet cataclysm in 1994 that led to the formation of Thundarr's world, this really makes sense. (Ironically, when Thundarr, Ariel and Ookla travel to the isle of "Manhat" in the animated series, that parallel Earth's WTC Twin Towers-though somewhat the worse for wear-are still standing . . . .)

Model Builder
2011-04-16 . chapter 9So far, "Thundarr the Barbarian and the Wrath of Crom" is an excellent piece of crossover fan fiction. Though due to the "action" that takes place in Chapter 7, you might want to consider revising your rating from "T" to "M," or even "MA." That being said, you definitely want to continue this story. I, for one, am looking forward to more.

Blaze
2011-04-22 . chapter 10 This is a wonderful story. I look forward to you finishing it. You know, it might be interesting to hook Ariel up with Thundarr.

Blaze
2011-04-29 . chapter 11 Just get's better and better! More with Ariel and Thundarr though is needed! They make a great couple!

Model Builder
2011-04-30 . chapter 10Another enjoyable, action filled chapter chapter. So far, I could actually imagine the characters from both fandoms interacting this way if this was an actual cartoon crossover (minus the "adult situations," of course.) I only hope the "big bads" Wrath-Amon and Crom get to have a face-off later on . . . .

Model Builder
2011-04-30 . chapter 11Another great chapter. I especially liked the imagery of the long dead Atlantean and Stygian armies, trapped in their cycle of never ending conflict. Maybe this will serve as a lesson to Wrath-Amon, Skulkur, (and Dark Wizards in general,) that the practice of necromancy can have some unintended consequences . . . .

I look forward to reading more.

Blaze
2011-05-02 . chapter 13 So exciting! And Ariel and Thundarr was a nice touch! Can hardly wait to see who finds what in each tunnel!

Blaze
2011-05-04 . chapter 16 Wow! The last several chapters were so intense! I can hardly wait to see if they solve the riddle and how the others get out of their dream worlds! I also hope that the real Thundarr and Ariel get a chance to truly be together! Wonderful writing!

Blaze
2011-05-05 . chapter 17 This is becoming SO intriguing! Its like a test of the minds and you must try to out run the dream and find the reality. Can hardly wait for more!

 

[Thundarr]

Here's a video I found on You Tube. How about a review for this one?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54VJWHL2K3I

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Thundarr, I can't get on youtube without my compuyer screen going wonky, and having to shut it down, so can't view that vid u are tkin about.

I am a bit too spaced out right now to read any long text pieces on the computer, but I will read some of your stories soon and comment on them, I did read the start of one of them before, but was a bit too tired at the time to dedicate myself to that much reading. I have not seen any Thundarr cartoons so I guess that might be an interesting pov to have.

 

[Thundarr]

Bumped!!!!