EXCLUSIVE: Gilligan's Island Movie Details Revealed!

Metamorpho1977

You jack wagon!
Joined
May 11, 2004
Messages
8,741
Reaction score
0
Points
31
Bastards are screwing with one of my all time favorite TV shows.


By Roy Edroso, Thu., Mar. 4 2010 @ 7:12AM Comments (25)
Categories: Featured, Movies, The Arts
Share
0digg

​The big screen treatment of Gilligan's Island -- yes, the old TV show starring Bob Denver about seven stranded castaways -- is in the works, and pop culture fans are already speculating on who should play what.
But we can do that one better. Our sources have slipped us some treatment and production notes (still redolent of cocaine, so we know they're authentic) that tell not only who's cast, but what they're going to do.

Backstory on Gilligan and The Skipper. Gilligan -- originally meant for Michael Cera, but shifted at the last minute to Zach Braff -- is at loose ends in San Diego, and in desperation joins the Coast Guard. There he meets Jonas Grumby (Jack Black), a Petty Officer who, like Sgt. Bilko, always has a scheme working. Gilligan constantly falls into the water and never rises above Seaman Recruit, but Grumby lives high off weed and gambling receipts extorted from local criminals. Gilligan admires the cool Grumby so greatly that when both INTERPOL and a drug dealer come after Grumby, he goes AWOL with him. Together Grumby, now incognito as The Skipper, and his "Li'l Bro" Gilligan move up the coast, running pleasure cruises.

The shipwreck. Naturally the whole thing is in 3-D, so this sequence is extended, with tidal waves, killer whales, and schools of friendly dolphins who have learned primitive English from a local rehabilitation facility and who nudge the Minnow to safety on an uncharted desert aisle.

The castaways. The Howells, Thurston (James Spader) and LuvE (Sarah Jessica Parker) are clueless nouveaux riches; LuvE has not worked since her days as a dancer in rap videos, and Thurston recently lost his job with a corrupt power company; this pleasure cruise was meant to rekindle their dying love. Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart were originally signed for Ginger and Mary Anne, but withdrew when they recovered from the sedatives, and were replaced by Katherine Heigl and Emma Watson (Ginger, in this version, comes from a small town in the English Midlands). In a knowing reversal of their original characterizations, movie star Ginger is more imperious and annoying than sexy, and Mary Anne is constantly getting naked and going, "Oops! Thought no one was about!" and enticing Gilligan with racy allusions to animal husbandry.

The Professor, in the boldest reimagining, is played by Tracy Morgan as a crooked would-be mogul who dabbles in mechanical engineering (which better explains his constant failure to fix the damn boat).

Plot. While everyone tries incompetently to get off the island -- big laughs as their attempt to connect with the mainland via a computer made from their damaged cell phones only manages to receive HGTV -- along the way they learn valuable lessons in life and love.

The Professor at first boldly tries to **** all the ladies ("If I get with you, girl, we can blow off this island on a hydraulic **** stream!") but eventually breaks down and confesses that his braggadocio is all due to his lack of a father.

The Skipper, who simultaneously realizes his own parental issues, bonds with The Professor over this, which leaves Gilligan feeling confused and abandoned until he and LuvE take a moonlight walk on the beach and discover that each of them is really alone in a world they never made. "Thurston can give me wads of cash," she declares, "but here that's only good for improvised tampons." "Yeah I kinda know what you mean," says Gilligan. "I feel like an improvised tampon myself."

Thurston, meanwhile, is forced by his lack of resources to use his charm and wits to woo Ginger and Mary Ann, and realizes he lacks both. He resolves, once her gets back home, to go back to school and take Humanities classes. Ginger and Mary Ann, frustrated, have sex with each other.

Gilligan repeatedly tries to get the dolphins to fetch help, but they're angry about global warming and at first refuse; after several discussions, Gilligan gets Thurston to apologize to them formally for his former company's rampant pollution. The dolphins teach the castaways to make a raft and, humbled by their experiences into competence and bravery, they get back to California.

After their parade, Gilligan and The Skipper are picked up by Coast Guard Special Agents, thus offering an opportunity for a sequel, Gilligan's Brig: Back to the Island.
 
Is it April first today? Or am I missing something...
 
I wish it was April 1st. I was watching this new show on SyFy called Hollywood Treasures. This guy looks for movie props and auctions them and he was talking to Dawn Wells AKA Mary Ann and she confirmed it on the show.
 
It's funny how Gilligan's Island should have been a movie back in the 90s, when they were making The Brady Bunch and the Addams Family.
 
Even if this is fake, I laughed out loud at Jack Black as The Skipper. I'd lay down money to see that.
 
Woah I am shocked the creator gut would let this happen. It could turn out better. But I am surprised they would want to do such a change to the characters. I rather it be taken like the brady bunch films were. I agre it does sound a bit faked. Were is the source of the news. As for the syfy show it was only mentioned a film is in the works nothing of cast/plot.
 
Last edited:
Ugh. Gilligan's Island was such a terrible show. They should just leave it dead.
 
In the 90's I remember Gilligan's Island creator dream pick for the Professor actor Robert Hays from the Airplane! movies.
 
Robert Hayes would have been good. Something in me would also like to see Bill Murray as the Professor.
 
Well meta looking at that lini its from earlier this yr. So things could easily change or have. Plus there hasn't been much development on it as it seems. So we will have to see what happens.
 
Jack Black is not big enough or old enough to be Skipper. It has to be John Goodman, all the way.
 
Zach Braff and possibly the casting of Ginger and Mary Ann are the only good things about what I just read. This is sad.
 
Well we don't know if any of its true. As I pointed out the info meta posted is from months ago and I haven't seen/read any major developments on this film adaption. So for all we know none of that could be happening.
 
I stopped reading after they said Tracy Morgan as the Professor.

This sounds incredibly fake and stupid.
 
I hope it's fake too. Gilligan's Island is one of my all time favorite TV shows. After Andy Griffith Show and Sanford and Son, there's Gilligan's Island. I grew up watching them before going off to school.
 
Jack Black is not big enough or old enough to be Skipper. It has to be John Goodman, all the way.
Agreed. I've long been a supporter of Goodman for The Skipper.

If I wasn't so sick of Cera I'd actually champion him for Gilligan.

Jeffrey Tambor or Kelsey Grammer would be excellent as Mr. Howell.

People Magazine had Dave Chappelle down for The Professor, and I think it's a pretty inspired choice. They also had Diane Keaton down as Mrs. Howell.

Emma Stone could be Ginger.
 
Here's the only reason why I watched Gillian's Island!
 
Last edited:

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top
monitoring_string = "afb8e5d7348ab9e99f73cba908f10802"